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he feels he can't say im the one until he experiences other things
Im 19 female, my boyfriend is 20.. we've dated a year. past week we've been broken up, but last night he called to tell me why. basically he cried (which never ever happens) cried really hard and explained to me how id be an amazing wife and that i was the most perfect girlfriedn and perfect relationship ever and im an amazing person. He said since he's only been with 2 people in a relationship his whole life, and slept with, that he feels he can't say im the one until he experiences other things. The same time though he kept saying how much he hates himself but he doesn't wanna lie to me and start pushing me away later because of this feeling. He kept going back to how he's torn because he does not wanna let me go at all but he doesn't wanna feel this way being with me, but he still has his options open for me he just needs to get rid of that other feeling.
Obviously, this other feeling means experiencing other girls. I somewhat understand i suppose, because how can you say you know someone is the one when you've only been with one or two people, but how can you expect to move on if someone means that much to you? Once he get's with other girls way down the road, I dont know if ill be able to take him back in the future, so is there anyway now for him to know im the one without being with other people?
I need a males feeeeedback on this one please!
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He's being a bit of jerk. He is probably being honest with you, but it’s still jerky, and you probably won’t be able to take him back in the distant future when he decides to stop being a jerk.
Is there a way for him to know you are the one without fucking other people? Yes. It's called deciding you are the one. It's called choosing you. Its called saying “I’m making a commitment to you – knowing there are other possible sexual partners out there in the world for me – but choosing you.”
There are lots of possible 'The One's out there. Many people we could be compatible with, or happy with, or attracted too. The soul mate idea is sweet, but it’s an illusion. There are many possible paths for a life to take. It’s all about which one he chooses.
He is choosing to be with other people right now. He still honestly feels what he feels for you, but his choice is not respectful of the kind of relationship you want to have with someone. His choice is not you. He feels compelled to choose a different path, one you can’t follow him down, and one you shouldn’t fairly be expected to wait for him to just finish up and come back to you in the end.
Let him go. Completely. He might come back at some point, but if he doesn’t, that is his choice, and you don’t want to be with someone who has told you up front he isn’t going to choose you.
He's already decided to let you go. He's just being a jerk who doesn't have the balls to stand by that choice and deal with the consequences of nto having you. Don't let him dodge the truth - be truly broken up and stay away from him.
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I'm not a male, but I am engaged to one.
My fiance and I started dating when he was 19, I was 18. He had only ever been with one other woman, and that was a one night stand and he was really drunk. So basically, for all intents and purposes, I'm the only woman he's ever been with. Never has he told me that he needs to have sex with other women to feel sure about me... and I've asked! Heck, I offered, because I've always heard that men can't make a decision based on one experience. It's not true. Guys can keep it in their pants if they really want to, and be happy while they're at it.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be able to screw around for a bit, do the young playboy thing, then come back to his faithful wifey. That really doesn't fly with me, and from the sounds of it you aren't really a believer either.
If he is sure about you, he won't need to screw around. It's called a sacrifice. By giving up the screwing around part of his life, he gains a wonderful, faithful, loving partner (you). By trying to have both, he could ruin what you have.
If you're not comfortable with it, tell him that if he walks out the door to another woman, you're gone. He's got to make a choice here. It's not your responsibility to indulge his immature desires. If he resents you for it, he's not ready for a real relationship yet.
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