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Psychiatrist
Okay so after my first appointment with my psychiatrist I wasn't feeling so good. Like with counselling which I thought wouldn't do much, it actually helped a lot and I thought that psychiatry would like be the ending but no it just flipped everything upside down!
First of all, it was akward and with the fact that she has my counsellor's notes on me with her, she wouldn't ask same questions that she knows answers to but she did. Nothing was comforting; she asked me a lot of questions like how a police would interrogate thier suspect.
She kept telling me to increase my dosage because the average dose is 15mg but I take 5mg and she told me that nothing's wrong with taking more meds; it depends how deep you're in (if you're really thirsty and one glass of water isn't enough, you're not addicted to it). But she wanted me to like increase my increase by 5mg per week! So I said that in a week I'll increase by 10mg and she looked kind of ticked that she didn't get her way but said that it was fine since I was meeting it in the middle with 10mg.
And she asked me what I thought was wrong with me and I told her that since I was very little till now I think I have depression and anxiety but I don't know what kind. And she scolded me a couple of time for using medical terms, especially when I describe my symptoms because I would use terms rather than normal words which she says is a bad habit of patients. But I think that somehow she probably thinks that if you don't have a medical degree you shouldn't use medical terms or something.
And well one of the questions she asked kind of struck a chord in me and I started tearing up (I hate crying) so I grabbed a tissue to wipe my eyes and she just went on asking me questions without pausing or anything and the counsellors I've talked to would at least push the box of tissues forward or hand me the box but she didn't and at times I had to bend over to read for another tissue at the end of her desk!
And well nto much was done but like she wanted me to be specific and it took me 10 years to finally get help so don't you think I tried to solve it myself by asking the same questions? It's so specific like when I have a stomach ache, she wants to know where exactly but I really don't know.
And so at the end she thinks I have social phobia and asked if I think that's what I think and I said no (because I know what I've been through and to push that all into the social phobia category is just not it) and she said that well she has her opinions and I have mine and that if I disagree with things it's okay to voice it out but I don't think so and at times I was secretly fuming and frustrated that I couldn't talk because my throat felt so bloated.
And to end the appointment she told me that since I like to look up so much stuff on the internet, perhaps I could look up social phobia. I don't think she meant it as anything rude but she does sound monotone so I wans't sure if she was being sarcastic or something but that comment still peeves me off and my appointment is tomorrow (3 weeks went by so fast!) and I totally forgot! I don't know what to say if she asks me to incrrease mroe dosage because I want to be a nurse (haha) and my hands are like really precious to me and the meds make ym hands shake and the mroe I have the mor weak my hands get and I can't be a nurse if my hands don't work! And she told me that it doens't matter WHAT I have (because I told her I just really want to know what exactly is wrong with me throughout all these years. I need a LABEL) but honestly how can you treat me if you don't know what's wrong with me? All my counsellors suggested her and said that she'd be great for me because she gives extra time and nto only does psychiatry but gives a bit of counselling too but so far I don't agree to that.
So sorry for making you read all of that but how was your first appointment and what was your opinions of it and what do you think about mine? Could you share your feelings of what you felt like through the first appointment and afterwards too? And do you think I should stop seeing her or something?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I could describe my first psychiatric experiences, except I think you just did it for me!
I was forced onto antidepressants at age 12 by my family doctor. I went to a psychiatrist at 20 who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, then put me on antidepressants that made everything worse and refused to believe that they weren't working, increasing my dosage instead. That same psychiatrist was often forceful and rude when asking questions.
Even my current psychiatrist isn't anything to write home about. Fortunately, I got involved with a really great community mental health program that pairs me up with a nurse, an occupational therapist/counselor and a psychiatrist. I've only seen my psychiatrist 3-4 times in the last year, when I needed an official diagnosis or when I needed a medication change. It was the nurse who suggested that I might have bipolar disorder and OCD rather than just general anxiety.
Bottom line: if you don't like your psychiatrist, find a new one. If your gynecologist made you incredibly uncomfortable and dispensed bad advice, would you keep going back? Psychiatry is a very intimate profession: you have to be able to fully trust the person you're dealing with. If you don't like the medication you've been put on, demand to be put on something else. I was on one mood stabilizer until a few months ago that made me incredibly drowsy. I started missing class because I would sleep until 2-3 in the afternoon. I thought it was just something I had to deal with, because it was helping my mood. Turns out, I was wrong. There are other options out there with different side effects, different efficiency levels, and different compatibilities, ESPECIALLY when it comes to antidepressants. They actually tried to put me on NSAIDs, because some of them are effective in treating bipolar disorder. I flat-out refused to take anything like that, because I'd already been on 3 different types and all of them had made things worse for me. (Antidepressants are uppers, basically. Imagine giving uppers to someone who is already on an emotional high. Not pretty.)
Now, I can see her getting a little huffy about what she perceived as 'self-diagnosis'. Dr. Google causes a lot of problems for real doctors. I went into therapy convinced that I was schizophrenic. Fortunately, they were able to talk me out of it. One good thing that came of it was that it brought to light some of the previously hidden symptoms of bipolar disorder, stuff that I hadn't brought up because I thought it was just me being weird. I've had doctors tell me off for assuming I've got strep throat when I have... strep throat. Sometimes what you think you have is what you have. The internet does equip us in some ways to assess ourselves (if you hadn't done some research into it, would you have gone for help?) but it can also convince us we've got cancer when it's just a tummy ache. So that's just a doctor thing.
I also had a real diagnosis withheld from me for all of my teenage years, because they didn't want to 'burden' me with a lifelong label. I had to demand a label with my most recent psychiatrist. I have OCD. I like things to be labelled and organized, even in my head. I want to be able to research what is wrong with me, learn more about treatment options and connect with other people dealing with the same thing. I can handle a life sentence. It sounds like you're the same way. You can demand that from them.
So, yes, I would stop seeing her if I were you because you're getting nowhere with her. Let your counselors know what your problem with her was, and ask for another referral to someone more... compassionate? Human? If you don't agree with a diagnosis or a medication prescription, fight it kicking and screaming if you have to. It does sound like you're doing everything that you can be doing. Keep working with the counselors, because that is an enormous chunk of the process of recovery.
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