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Second base? I feel like if I don't, he'll get bored with me...
I am fifteen, a sophomore in high school. So I have been dating a guy for about two months now. We are perfect for each other: amazing chemistry, a lot in common, etc. I really feel like I love him. I have known him for a long time, since August.
We have kissed several times and he loves to cuddle and hold me. He wants to go to second base but I say no when he asks, only because I am not ready. I mean, I want to, but I am still shy and a little battered from my past relationship because it was constant physical love that pushed me to the edge. He is helping me get through my insecurites. I want to make him happy and pleasure him by letting him feel me up. But he understands if I am not ready.
Truthfully I have mixed feelings. I feel like if I do, all the romance and love will fade away. But then I feel like if I don't, he'll get bored with me in time. What do I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your relationship is going to change no matter what you do.
The first large shift often happens around three months in where things begin to normalize - and yes, some of the romance does fade. The newness wears off. Some of the excitement is gone.
That will be true of every relationship you are ever going to be in. Part of being in a relationship is dealing with these natural shifts and normalizations.
Don't have sex with him. You aren't ready. There is a dead giveaway that you aren't ready in your question: You still think sex and sexual activity is something you 'give' your boyfriend. It's not. It's not a gift, or a trade, or something to gifted to another person. If you think about it that way, you are going to get hurt, because when you give something away, it’s gone.
The truth is that nothing you are is ever 'gone'. You change and grow and make choices. Unless sex is something you freely choose for yourself, you are going to end up dealing with feelings of loss when the relationship doesn’t meet your ideals, or ends (as most teenage relationships will do).
Your relationship is going to change and grow whether you have sex or not. If you grow apart and he gets ‘bored’ - that will also happen whether you have sex or not. It will happen in a different way, but it will probably still happen. If you don’t have sex, he might get angry and unhappy and the relationship and feel he is being denied something that he has ‘earned’. If he does, then he is making the mistake of thinking sex is something you ‘give’ to him, something he gets to have. If he thinks that way, he’ll think that way whether you have sex or not, and it will cause problems and pain for you both, whether you have sex or not.
Talk to him about your feelings and worries, but also tell him the truth: You aren't ready by a long shot. (At least, that is what I strongly suspect).
Remember things are going to change. It's how you deal with those changes that will make or break your relationship. There is no avoiding the changes.
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I think your fear may not be about letting him go to second base but the eventuality that he'll want third base and the final home run. He's a boy and boys will always want to go further. If he respects you and he's truly the one for you, he'll wait till you think the time is right. Let him know now how you feel about it, because if you're not truthful about things now, he may leave you down the line. You should never have to give up your body when your not ready, just to keep a boy. I hope this helps and good luck.
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If you're not ready you aren't ready. The fact that you wrote this question shows that you aren't. You don't want to do it and then you guys break up or something. You should talk it out with him.
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