about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

OK, so my husband went to counseling for sex addiction a year ago. I thought he had changed but now I know he is seriously disturbed. he has a fake profile page on here as a 35 year old bisexual female. He has answered 700 sexual questions to women and teen girls over the past 2 years. he also has a female profile on yahoo answers, same thing answers explicitly female teen and women ?s. He also has a male advice column on yahoo as himself and answers sex ?s as a man. He tells teen girls that lesbian feelings are ok and how to do sex acts and how to masturbate. This is seriously disturbing to me and I think he has multiple personalities. What do I do and what the hell is wrong with him???

I too am not a doctor and I agree with DangerNerd that there is definitely a problem here that you alone cannot handle.

Sex addiction and personality disorders are generally, from what I know of them, related. Personality disorders are a mental problem for which there is no magic medication that will cure the problem. If your husband suffers from multiple syndrome he needs to be seen and evaluated for this by a psychiatrist. Only a Board Certified Doctor of Psychiatry is trained in diagnosing and treating this disorder.

Getting your husband to seek help is another problem. If he is a true multiple the strongest personality may want to get help. Finding the one personality to accept help is going to be a problem.

Are you in danger? The quick and safest answer to this question is to assume you are and to take the appropriate precautions to protect you and any children you may have. From what you have written it would not seem your husband is a danger to himself or anyone else. Not knowing him I will advise on the side of caution.

I believe you should take the following steps to protect yourself and your children if you have them. Call your doctor and advice the doctor of what you have become aware of. If you know the therapist who treated him for the sex addiction I would contact him or her as well.

Being in fear for your safety places in motion certain mechanisms to protect you and him. The doctors will advise you as to what to do. Follow there advice.

If your husband truly suffers from multiple personality disorder he is seriously ill and needs your help. Help starts with you contacting your doctors and following their advice as your husband does not understand he is ill.

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Hi, 17/f, from England

So basically there's a trip to America and I really want to go on it. Its only for three nights/four days, but for me it'd be once in a lifetime.
The only thing stopping me is money. The thing is, my parents can afford it-we have money but its being saved up, same as with my twin sister, for university.
But I realllly want to go on the trip and don't know how to ask them. I've been feeling like this a while now, because:
1)I NEVER ask for anything I don't need,for example I'm stuck with the same phone I had when I was 11.
2) We can afford the trip, but my parent live in the future all the time, so we have been scrimping alot now just to pay uni costs in the future-but in doing so we don't get luxarys like holidays that ironically we can afford.

I'm honestly not a petulant, spoilt child at all, but I don't know how to convince my parents when it's like £800, and I have a twin sister who can't go as she doesn't study the subject?

I have to agree with NinjaNeer the trip is not worth the money. You will lose one day and one night to travel. So the trip is really two nights and three days. Not knowing how many places you plan on visiting you could spend a lot of time traveling to these places.

If you plan on visiting New York City and Washington, DC it is a 250 mile trip between the two. The roads between the two are good but traffic can make the trip take anywhere from four hours to forever depending on road construction and traffic accidents. Rail service is very good though travel time is about three hours and trains are not as reliable as they are where you live.

You could loose another day just to travel and unfortunately you should count on loosing this day as this is more the norm then the exception. This leaves two days for actual sightseeing. I live here, not far from DC and this is a sum I could afford if I wanted too. Frankly I would not spend this amount of money to spend two days trying to see two cities and not see what I wanted to see.

America is a big place, you would need several weeks to visit many but not all of the places of interest. To spend the kind of money you are being asked to spend I believe is a terrible waste of your parents sacrifices to give you the opportunities they wish to provide for you and your sister.

Yes please come here and visit we would love to have you visit us. Do so when you have the time to visit and appreciate the many great places there are to see. I spent two weeks touring your country and visited some but not all of the places I would have liked to see. Two weeks was not enough time for me to visit and see your country, a great place which is geographically smaller then the USA. Still it was not enough time for me to visit all the places I wanted to see. Two days here will not even give you a taste of what my country is like.

I feel as NinjaNeer does that this trip would be a terrible waste of money. Please wait until you have the time and funds to visit and appreciate what this country has to be seen.

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I have yellow discharge. What does that mean?

I'm going to assume this discharge is coming from your vaginal area. A yellow discharge from any area is generally a sign your body is fighting some type of infection.

I would suggest you see a doctor or discuss this with your mother if you are a young teenager. This discharge has very little if anything to do with whether or not you are sexually active and more to do with the proper workings of your body. Particularly your reproductive and urinary track.

You should not be embarrassed to talk with your mother about this. Just remember she too is built just like you and can suffer from the same infections as you will.

An alternative to speaking with your mother would be to talk to your school nurse. Though I suggest you speak with your mother so that she may arrange an appointment with the proper doctor.

Yes this advice is coming from a man. A man who is a husband, father and grandfather. A man who has lived with the same women for 41 years and is very familiar with the workings of the female body. So please talk with your mother, it is the right thing to do.

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I would like to know, how to commit suicide without anyone knowing, seeing, hearing or finding me.

I hate my mum, due to her drama causing idiocy.


My SO CALLED mother, sent a text message to my aunty, saying that the aunty I'm living with, was starving me, while I was on weight watchers, and lost 12.2 kg in 4 weeks.

My mother ruined my happiness by saying that she/it thaught that my aunty was starving me, but really, I was (and still am) eating healthily, and enjoying it.


So, I want to just escape the satanism of life.

Thank you for responding. With your type of question it is very rare to have a response. I am thrilled to know I was able to help you. You have made my day.



There is never a good reason to commit suicide and certainly not for the reason you write about. So your mother is a drama queen. BFD, you don't live with her, for what ever reason that may be, you live with your Aunt. You and she know the truth and that is what counts.

As to your question; there is no way for that to happen. You will be missed and you will be found. Your reason for wanting to do so frankly makes you a bit of a drama queen. What do you care what your drama queen of a mother says; just as long as you and your aunt know the truth.

You went to weight watchers. From what I know of their programs they would not let you loose more weight then what is acceptable for your size, age and metabolism. So this is the truth of the matter. No reason to kill yourself.

You do not say why your living with your Aunt? How old you are or if your mother sent you to live with her or if you were placed with her by public agencies.

Whatever the reasons you are living with your Aunt it sounds as if you are better off by being with her. So turn a deaf ear to your mother and get on with life.

If you live in the USA or Canada I would like you to call the following organization. The are the;National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they can help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you�ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. They are far more qualified then I am to help you and they can help you.

Your mother being a drama queen is no reason to harm yourself. Your better than that and you have a full life ahead of you to prove to her that you are better than whatever she may dream up about you.

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whats the most painless way to die

There is none. They are all very painfull. It is not like it is shown in movies.

If you want help living we can help with that. You can start by calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline

No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

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So... I'm 19 M and when ever I've been going (To put it lightly) number two A) I've been pooping like a bunny. They are all pellets that shoot out of me like an M-16 and for a while now i guess my question of the main concern is I get slight boners. Does this happen to anyone else?

Stool softeners may help the one problem. They are available in tablet form in over the counter medication. Your problem is not enough moister and your stool is hard. Drinking more WATER, not pop or sports drinks is needed.

As for the boners; I can't say. There are a lot of nerve endings in the anus, your Rose Bud. It is possible that the hard pellets some how stimulate these a bit exciting and cause the problem.

You may want pr should see a doctor about both problems. An Internist or Gastroenterologist are the two who would be the best to see.

The hard stools are the worst of your problems and you should consult a doctor about them if they are an ongoing problem. I don't believe the other is of much concern but you can say something to the doctor about it. Don't be embarrassed as I'm sure the doctor has heard far worse from others while in practice.

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Hello fellow Advice givers!!!
So I really would like to shed off a few pounds. Yes, I am 12, but I just would REALLY be happier weighing less. 
I know what you're thinking... "You're too young!" Well, I want to do this for myself; not for anyone else. My best friend is just so skinny, and I want to be that way too (Well not skeleton bone skinny, I just want to shed off a few pounds). 

I know the whole "diet" thing. I got that covered. But I'd enjoy excersizing more(No, this isn't me   saying that I'm not going to not do the diet). I want to lose weight really fast!! 

I want to lose weight mostly on:
-Stomach
-Calves
-Face (Like the chin and cheeks. When I smile, it looks like mountains on my face - no lie).
Those are the parts of my body i'm mainly focusing on to lose weight. Do you know any excersize workouts that will shed off pounds in those areas?

Thanks for taking the time to read :)
-Nicole, 12/F

P.S. It's hot outside right now, so i'd appreciate excersize routines for indoors! And please no saying "Don't worry about it". Thank you!

P.P.S. I don't have a personal trainer or anything and my PE teachers can't help :(

Okay time for the grandpa in me to step in and answer this question. Yes I am that old.

The reason anyone will tell you not to diet and loose weight at your age, unless you are truly overweight is simple.

You are 12 years old. Just entering your puberty years. There is such a thing as baby fat. Thighs fat will this fat will diminish and redistribute as the hormones produced by puberty kick in. As a female your body will go through more changes in the next year or so than a males does during puberty. You will develop the curves that all females develop and your body will start to shape itself.

Exercise to tone and define your shape is a good thing. You will replace some of the lost body fat with toned muscle but you will most likely gain some weight as muscle weighs more than fat. You will though look skinnier as you will tighten your stomach leg and thigh muscles which is what I believe is the look you are looking for.

As for an exercise routine? I suggest you consult with your physical education instructor at school. Your instructor can assist you in developing a routine to get you the body shape you are searching for with the added benefit of having the teacher monitor and assist you in reaching your goal. It would be as if you had your own fitness trainer that cost you nothing. There also may be the added benefit of gaining one of the credits you need for an elective towards graduation.

Now you instructor may request and I wholeheartedly support this: That before you start any exercise program that you have a complete physical and be cleared by your doctor to exercise. This is a valid precaution to take.

To bring this to a conclusion. Unless you are overweight to a point your doctor is telling you that you need to diet and exercise to loose wight you should not be looking to loose weight at your age. You should be consulting with your doctor to see what your optimum weight should be. Your doctor will tell you it is far worse for your health to be 10 pounds under weight than 10 pounds over weight.

Exercising is always good. Supervised exercising is the best way to exercise and you have the benefit of a physical education department at school to take advantage of so do so.

We are all different in how are bodies are made up. Your friend may be under weight or she may be the proper weight for her skeletal size and metabolism. Only her doctor knows for sure. Only your doctor can tell you for sure what is the best weight for you to be. Do not be jealous of what other girls look like as this will only get you in trouble health wise if you try to look like them and you are not providing your body with the proper amount of nutrients it needs.

Before you write off what I have written remember this. I don't know you. I have no reason to lie to you or tell you anything I do not believe to be true. My only goal in answering this question or any other is to help and to keep young people like you healthy and safe.

PS. Your PE teachers can help that's is what they get paid for. Should they refuse talk to your principal or better yet have your parents talk to your principal. Physical fitness is a national goal and PE teachers are paid to lead that charge. If yours are not doing so they are not doing their jobs and could lose their jobs if they refuse to have such a program.

Student physical fitness is a goal of the Presidents Council on Physical Fitness.

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Okay, I am 18, female. I've known this girl all my life, basically. We went to elementary, middle and senior high school together and were put in the same home room every year because our last names both start with an S. She has been dating this guy for about two years. This guy and I talk a little, we have each other's numbers and text sometimes, rarely. I don't talk to this girl much, though. As we entered high school, she got to be popular and forgot her friends from elementary school (me.) However, tonight I went to a party. I saw her boyfriend kissing another girl, Not once, not twice, but many times and they were grinding on each other. His best friend was there and saw it all happening and didn't try to stop it. I texted my roommate and asked if she could ask the best friend if the couple is still together and he said that they were. He covered up for them and everything! As per me, I have a guilty conscience, but I don't talk to the girlfriend at all, I talk to the lying boyfriend more. I just don't know what to do. I don't think the girlfriend would believe me if I told her but I think the girlfriend has a right to know. I haven't talked to the boyfriend much lately because he's turning into a douschebag (I guess college does that to you).

I just don't know what to do. I know I would want someone to tell me if my boyfriend was cheating on me but, honestly, I don't think that I would believe the girlfriend if she just talked to me completely out of the blue and told me..

Help, please!

My advice stay out of it as nothing good can come of it. My advice would be the same if you were still friends. This is one of those situations that you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I realize that even though you too are not true friends anymore you do not want to see her hurt. Telling her will hurt her and she may not believe you probably causing a further rift between you. You don't need to have her turn on you which is very much what could happen.

They are dating and not engaged, at least you did not say they were engaged. This was a party and he did a little more than flirt. If he was there why wasn't she there with him? A question that you don't need an answer too but does leave open the questions as to why he was more than flirting with this girl.

My thought is that you know what you know. If she should comes to you and ask if he was flirting with other girls at this party? You tell her the truth. Otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.

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Hi there, 24/f, he's the same age. I'm the dork who posted the question about hearing wedding bells in less than a year.
So it turns out that my wonderful, devoted guy may be going to state police boot camp in a month. He had originally intended to go next year, but they're trying to get him in sooner. I told him if they want him, he should go. I am completely supportive of this endeavor, and I think he'd be perfect for the job. The only problem is - and he just told me this morning - that he won't have access to a computer, and rarely a phone. He'll be able to come home some weekends, and I don't know about "snail mail," but we'll have very little contact. Does anyone know if they allow mail?

We live an hour away from one another to begin with, so we're used to a slight long-distance thing, but he works near me right now, so we've been seeing each other more and he stays with me frequently, even if it's just overnight. When he's working closer to home, we keep in touch via - you guessed it - technology. So obviously, things are going to change quite a bit. We'll have much less contact than we already do, and I hate to sound girly about it, but I miss him the second he walks out my door, even if I'm seeing him later the same day.

I have no doubt we'll still be together when all is said and done, but how am I supposed to handle barely being in contact with him at all for five months while he's close enough for me to drive to (and I'm not allowed to go see him)?
Thanks in advance for your help.

The answer to most of your questions on visitation, leave policy, phone calls and all of that will be told to him on his first day in the Academy. Snail mail will be allowed as will eventually phone calls home.

Since the five months include 3 of our closest held holidays I will guess that they will offer leave during at least two of them if not all three. The military allowed leaves for Christmas and New Years while in basic training I see no reason why the State Police would not although it is possible they may not as the job is a 24/7 365 day type job.

Twenty weeks is not all that long. Most State Police follow the same policy in their training Academies why I'm not sure. I believe it is so the recruits have only one thing to concentrate on. Be proud of your guy for as a State Police Officer he is in the elite of the Police Officers within your state. The best of the best.

For your part, you need to be supportive and grin and bear it. He is going to be doing an important job. One that there is little thanks for. One that allows him to see a part of life most of us don't see and none of us should have to see. As a fire fighter I have seen that side of life and it is not pretty. Please thank him for me for the service he will be giving his community. There are those of us out here that do support him. I am one of them.

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How to turn on my boyfriend ?
and i want to have sex with him,but am scared!! any advice?

Being scared is your internal warning system telling you that you are not ready yet. Listen to it when it goes off as it is designed to keep you safe, not just from having sex if you are not ready but from a host of other things that may not be safe or the right thing to do. Your internal warning system is almost never wrong.

Contrary to what many teenagers believe sex is an adult activity between two CONSENTING adults. Teenage relationships are short term relationships that generally do not last past high school. In fact most of your friendships will not last past high school as once you graduate you will all go off in different directions.

About 80% of you will go on to college with 85% of that figure going to a 4 year college and the rest going to a 2 year college. Of the remaining 20% about 8 to 10% will go into the military another 7% to a trade school and the remaining people will gone on to other activities.

The fact is that you will start to out grow each other as your lives change drastically after college. The one thing that remains a constant is that boys all through puberty will be trying to get girls to have sex with them. Another constant is boys do not know the difference between love and lust and continue to be unable to tell the difference into their early 20's.

Research on the subject of teenage sex show boys need sex more than girls do. Most girls do so to satisfy and keep a boyfriend. This is the wrong reason to have sex. Yes most of us will have had sex before marriage. But we should not have sex in our early or even in our mid to late teens. For one things even though we think our bodies are ready they are not. We are not as we need more maturity to fully comprehend the out come of sexual intercourse.

We get hundreds of letters each month from very young to the the very old teenagers concerning a sexual experience. They all start with, I had sex with my boyfriend and my period is late, could I be pregnant?

Think about this before you have sex. Is fulfilling his need for sex worth the worry of being pregnant. Even when condoms are used they are only 85% effective when worn properly and do not break. Also look at the following website before you have sex. It is titled am I ready for sex.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/

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Hi, I'm 20 years old, and my boyfriend of 6 months is 22. We both really love eachother we are pretty much perfect i would say never fight pretty much always happy have good jobs. we want to move in together in may or june! so by then we will be dating a little over a year. the rent will be cheap and i wont have to worry about school much by then. the only problem is, my mom. im not sure what or how to tell her that we are thinking about this. we plan on one day getting engaged so that moving in isnt just something we decided we actually want to do something after. i just need advice on all of this.

Living together is a big step to make. Living with someone is a lot different than say spending the night or a few nights with someone. You will both see a whole different side of each other.

He may be the type that likes to drink the OJ right from the carton. Drop his clothes wherever he takes them off. Maybe he doesn't do laundry until he is totally out of things to wear. When dating you don't see this side of him as it is generally hidden.

You on the other hand may be more organized. Maybe you like everything in its place and have a place for everything. If it is Tuesday evening you do your laundry. So on and so forth.

I would recommend that you not give up your apartment right away. If you want to live together do so on a trial basis for several months. If things work out to both of your satisfactions then give up your apartment. Being engaged does not add permanence to moving in together as engagements are easily broken.

What you tell your mother is. That you and your boyfriend are moving in together as you are planning to become engaged. That at first you are going to keep your apartment as you both realize this is a big step and there is a big difference in living together than simply dating. Once you are confident you are both compatible in all ways you will give up your apartment so you can both start saving for married life.

This alone should let mom know that you are an adult living an adult life style. Any questions she may have concerning your chastity or lack there off should be answered without the question being asked.

I hope this helps.

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Why would a family adopt me then when I'm out on my own(21 now) they just throw me away?

They never call or tell me that they care for me, once I was out the door when I turned 18, it was if they were done with me.
Our last conversation via text-

Me- Where are you at?
Mom- Home for a week
Me- Really nobody told me
Mom- I told you I would be home around September
(My thoughts- Why wouldn't she just call and tell me she was in town when she has been in town for ten days)
Me- You probably told my brothers you were in town.
Mom- No response
Me- I'll come by to get the rest of my things then you won't have to see me anymore
Mom- Suit yourself
Me- Why the hell did you even adopt me?
Mom- No response
Me- To ruin my life?
Me- You're just a wicked woman that claims to be a saint
Me- I read your journal where you said it's so much better when I'm not around so you should be really happy now
Me- Now you got nothing to say. Why don't you tell me you hate me and so does the whole family atleast you can be an honest person then. The only one that ever cared about me was granddaddy and he's gone now
Me- You're so blessed you can't even give anyone else a blessing. God gave you a family. Well guess what I got none.
Me- So be happy and sit on your pedistool and tell me how you hate me and tell me how there's always something wrong with me like you use to nag all the time. You say you don't gossip and put yourself above everyone but you're just a liar because you do gossip.
Me- So go tell the family like you always do and so that they can hate me. You have always been good at turning everyone against me.
Mom- There's no answer to satisfy a raging woman. I have your things in the living room when you want to stop by.
Me- You're so wrong. A raging woman? You can't even say a daughter or ever tell me that you love me. No wonder you don't ever call. You're such a saint. (She thinks she's a christian that does everything right)

Ugh. I know my tone here sounds a little wrong but I am enraged. I'm angry at her for never calling or caring about me. For gossiping to the family about my faults. For never being there to stand for me or help me. I have made mistakes in the past but so does everyone else. No one in the family wanted her to adopt me and now they got their wish. I'm gone and they think it's alright to treat me like this - someone that has no other family. They all threw me away. There's nothing to do to make this better. They're not going to change. Now what? How do people live without a family? Or anyone that cares about them? I never get any phone calls. Nobody there to support me or help me make the right decisions. Nobody there that gives a damn. Should I just kill myself? What the hell am I going to do? I have nothing.

People do things for many different reasons. Why your parents adopted you is a question only they can answer as is the question as to why it seems they have abandoned you. Committing suicide is not what you should do about it. That's only hurting yourself.

What you need to do is get on with your life. You need to be the best you, you can be. Your 21 and have a whole life in front of you. If you do not have a college degree you get one. You may have to work harder to get one then someone that has the support of their family but this makes it all than more valuable.

You find a career that you love and get good at it. You make a place for yourself in that career field. You make a life for yourself. Along the way if it is in your life plan you find a good man and have a family. A family you love and raise on values you want them to have.

The family that has abandoned you will miss all of your success. The grandchildren you bring into the world and the good life you make for yourself. Don't be surprised if they do not try to make their way back into your life at that time. Then you need to decide if you want to take them back.

I have been doing this for a long time and I am old enough to be a grandfather. I can tell from your writing, yes even though your are upset, that you are better than they give you credit for. Now that you realize where you stand with your adopted family. It is as I said time to go out and be the best you, you can be. In the process you will prove them wrong about you.

Just remember what I am about to say. You are never truly alone. There are people who do care, like those of us on this web site. We care and we will always be here if you need us.

I have a motto I have used during my working life. Now that I am retired I still try to keep to it. "A day that I do not learn something new is a day that I have wasted." What this means is that there is always something new to learn. Be it about yourself, your work, life or just things in general. As long as you are learning you are growing. When you stop learning and growing is when you start to be alone.

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Long story short me and my ex were together a month after I had my son. He moved in with us when my son was 7 months a month after my son was born we decided to try to make things work. How ever we just recently broke up my son is now 1 years old . His father filed for joint custody and I filed for full and sole custody we have a meeting with a case worker and police officer and I'm a nervous wreck I'm wondering how they determine who gets what? My son has been with me for the last year and I want him sleeping where he's been... I don't mind him seeing his father I just want what's best for my child and I think that's him being with me. His father has a possible DUI charge for smoking marijuana not confirmed yet but I'm wondering if the court will look at his record? He says he quit not sure what the truth is anymore.. If anyone knows anything let me know please :)) thank you

You do not mention if you have a divorce attorney. If you do not, you need to get one as this questions is one the attorney needs to workout with the court not the case worker. The case worker will make recommendations which the court can take into consideration if so inclined.

Now there a difference between joint custody and custodial custody. There can be joint custody where both parents have to agree in certain situations concerning the child. One instance could be that whoever has custodial custody could not move to such a distance that visitation by the non-custodial parent would be infringed upon, without the consent of the non-custodial parent. Full joint custody would mean that the parents would share custodial custody. This is not in the best interest of the child and is why you need an attorney.

Now you may feel you can't afford an attorney. In general the first interview is without charge. Make an appointment. Depending on the reason for your divorce your soon to be ex may have to pay for your attorney or at the very least the attorney will accept instalment payments or refer you to someone who will or to legal aid.

You need to know your rights and the rights and to protect the rights of your child. If your husband is represented by an attorney you need one too; even if provided through legal aid. Protect your rights and the rights of your son. Speak with an attorney ASAP if you do not have one.

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Hey! i want to know how to do anal sex?

The only advice I will ad to flares is be you the perpetrator or the penetrated; make sure to use plenty of lubrication and that the penis or dildo is covered by a condom. The rest of the information can be found on the web.

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19/f
I've been really stressed out and am staring to get depressed for really no reason particularly. i started cutting almost five years ago and occasionally relapse just from the urge to do it. i started doing it because i was very depressed and was at a horrible point in my life then. things have changed alot since 5 years ago but i still continue to resort back to cutting. i feel like i'm starting to lose control and will end up reverting back to the way i delt with anxiety and stress, which was cutting... ALOT. although i'm much better at managing the need to do it, when i get depressed it just takes over me and i cant stop and i dont want to stop. its a very sick way to deal with emotions or lack there of. I only cut on my hips not om my arms because i live in south where its hot and wearing long sleeves its just impossible and having a job with cuts on your arms raises some awareness so i try to avoid cutting my arms even though when i feel the urge to do so it is on my wrist. i guess i'm asking how do i stop an old addiction from taking over my life again?

-thanks

Having recovered from and still in recovery from depression I know how hurtful depression can be. Stress and depression go hand in hand. Stress is the major trigger for depression. Depression causes pain and pain causes depression. It can and does become a vicious circle.

Trying to break this circle on your own fails more times then it works; as you are discovering. The only true way to break the cycle of depression is with professional help. This starts with a trip to your family doctor. As an adult now your medical information is totally confidential. Nothing that takes place between you and your doctors can be shared with anyone without your written permission. So no one but you and your doctor knows why you are visiting.

When you visit your family doctor you ask to be screened for depression. The screening consists of different questions the doctor will ask you. Based on those question the doctor will make an assessment as to whether you are suffering from depression. The doctor may also want to do a complete physical as well. This would be to rule out any physical reason for your suffering.

Once your family doctor has ruled out any organic reason he or she will want to refer you to a psychologist for talk therapy and possibly to a psychiatrist for medication. Since the most common reason for clinical depression is the body not making enough of one or two hormones which effect the brains ability to deal with stress a psychiatrist is better qualified then you family doctor to medicate for this illness. You are not crazy in fact you are probably more sane than most of your friends.

Clinical depression is somewhat like diabetes in that the body is not secreting enough of these hormones to meet demand. The only difference is once you get control of the stress you won't need the medication any longer.

When working with the psychologist it is important that you feel very comfortable with the person you chose. This must be someone you feel comfortable enough to tell your deepest secrets to. I went through 3 before I found the one I was comfortable with. If your not comfortable with the first one you chose say so to them. They will understand. There are a number of different methods used by therapists in working with patients. IF your not comfortable with their method they will refer you to someone who works differently.

You know the cutting is not the answer so you have taken a big step to gaining control over the results of the depression. Now call your doctor and get screened for depression and follow his or her advice. I promise you if you do there is not only a light at the end of the tunnel. You will feel much better very soon.

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Hey Everyone! My best friend was dating this guy...

He ended up cheating on her and she told me "I'm going to commit suicide. I'm done."
When she said that, I just wanted to beat that boy with a hammer.

Anyways, he really hurt her and i'm scared she'll commit suicide. I really don't know what to do. She hasn't smiled at all today after this happened (I wasn't there when this happened because I had to talk with my math teacher). What do I do?! If she goes down, I go down with her.

We say a lot of things, things we don't mean, in the heat of the moment. I doubt your friend will actually try to commit suicide as it is not as easy to do as one might think for a normally rational person. We all have a self preservation mode built into us that will prevent us from doing really stupid things that could do us real harm.

Just in case she has gone beyond the point of normal rationalization what you can do for her is to be with her. Help her back to the point of normal rationalization. You do this by simply being her friend and letting her talk things out. Try to get her to talk in the direction of understanding that she was too good for him. That he is the one not her that lost. Which is true.

We all have our destinies, just what those are we don't know; that's part of life. Since you did not give your ages I will assume you are somewhere in middle school or high school.

Teenage romances are just that teenage romances. Few if any turn out to be the real thing. The one you end up making a life mate with. These romances are really a learning tool. To learn about different people and just what you want in mate. You will find that your life partner will be a mix of all the people you have dated in your teenage years.

Teenage romances are kind of a use them and loose them type of thing. They are designed to have fun with but not to take so seriously that when the inevitable break up comes and it does come. That you are so hurt that you want to hurt yourself. Remember the goal of high school is to be able to go off to college. In a few years you will all go off to different colleges. Most likely you will never see any of these friends again except for high school reunions if you attend them.

Of all the friends I had in High School I stay in touch with about four and I haven't seen them in 20 years. If it wasn't for the Internet I probably would not be in touch with them or they with me. All of us have gone our different ways and to all points on the compass and even the globe.

These are the points you need to get through to her. That he is not worth one tear. If he cheated on her now; what would he be like when he is older and an adult. He would still be a cheater for he has little or no respect for women.

If you can't get these points through to her. Then you may need to tell a teacher or her parents that she is in a bad way over this and they need to help her.

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im 17 years old and im staying in atlanta with my aunt because i made dum choices my mom stays in syracuse she doesn't even call me or sends me money or anything its like she doesn't care and i really hate her i didn't even wanna be down here ... what i should i do?

There is a difference between not caring and not loving. I find it hard to believe a parent could ever fail to love their child. Though I could see were a parent might not be very happy or proud of what a child has done or become. Mom sending you off to your Aunt might be a form of tough love. Tough love is something as a parent I do not approve of.

In any case you mother is legally responsible for you and to you until you are 18. If your mother is not meeting those responsibilities, meaning your Aunt is not seeing to you heath and welfare. Seeing to it that you are properly clothed, fed, housed, provided for an education to the 12th grade and proper medical treatment when needed. Then mom would be guilty of child abuse.

If any of those needs are not being met by your Aunt then you should inform a trusted teacher or school principal. If you are not in school and should be go to the nearest police or fire station. They are safe havens for young people and they will inform the proper authorities.

If mom is meeting the legal requirements of the law, even though they may be being provided through your Aunt. There is not much you can do until your 18th birthday when you legally become an adult and can go out on your own.

You can try to talk with your mom and try to patch things up with her. If it is not possible to talk with her; write her a letter or Email and then see if the two of you can talk by phone. You haven't said what you did to cause mom to excite you to Atlanta. Personally I find it hard to believe that any child could do anything that would cause a parent to stop loving them. Start your letter with; "Mom I'm sorry I want to come home;" and then go from there.

I hope this helps.

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i am 14/f. almost 15. but I have been in therapy since i was 12 when my parents divorced. the weird thing was i had such GREAT self confidence and self worth that i wanted them the get divorced, and i didnt care if they got remarried or whatever i just figured if they got divorced it would be best and everything would be ok. well they did....but in a horrible, messy way that me and my 4 other siblings were dragged into. my narcissistic dad dragged me into it and pulled me under, which i wanted nothing to do with. it took me about 3 years to realize what he is. and he doesnt care about anyone but himself. all i tried to do was keep my family happy but all he did was make my life that much harder than it was the day before. now my family is doing tons better. me and my two other siblings are not seeing my father because we dont like him, the very least. And i/ we do not need to. ANYWAY i have gone through soooooooo much and i am the last one to be a drama queen. my dad has pressured me into the worst things and i hate him for that. he manipulated me into everything. and now as i am in therapy i am taking it all in. about a year a half ago i didnt see my dad for like 6 months and he didnt give two shits. i cut i drank, i smoke to dissolve the pain. now i feel 100% different. i like the way i feel about "leaving" him. I am much more relieved because ei don’t have deal with him or his BS. BUT i am still left with bad emotions. i am still batting depression which i do not take any med for i want to do it on my own. but i know what bipolar is and how people act when they've had it, im not stupid. Basically the manic and depressive moods/behavior i go through if not every day. its just about now im realzing it. i know its not 100% accurate but i took an online bipolar quiz and i got the highest score. you can tell me because i am a teenage girl its likely for me to act like PMS. first of all not the case. i know my body and how i act when im on my period or just have a bad day. its completely differnt then being bipolar. PMSing is like you have really bad cramps, tired, cranky, hungry, bitchy. ok thats totally true BUT i get these emotions and way more worse ones, and act out this way to evryone for about three years. EVERY single day i feel and act manic/depressive. no joke im not making it up.i will LITERALLY start a conversations tired and mumbling/slurring my words then sped up very excitedly for no reason then calm down again. if i get a lot of money i spend it all, which is not like me. i had like 200 dollars and i spent it all, only when i got home did i realize what i did. i've always had a bad temper but i have the worst rages and take it out on the people i love. it's ruining relationships with people, im losing friends and dont know what to do. i feel like im going crazy. im sure i have this illness. if you knew me you'd probablly agree. i feel either manic/depressive all the time there is no in between. my mom's ex husband (my dad) doesnt pay shit and not even health insurance for his own kids. i want all the help i can get but i dont feel like there’s even a point to telling my mom or therapist this if i cant get screened and get help with no money coming from my mom or dad. i really want and need help and if i dont get it i honeslty dont know what will happen next.

i took the quiz at http://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/bipolar-quiz.cgi it basicaly asks do you feel up one moment then down the next. and i tried to answer carefully and read each question twice. and either aswered like yes 100% or yes. but thank you so much for advice.

I am neither a doctor or a lawyer none of us are. I am though someone that has suffered through depression so I can understand the pain you feel.

There is help for you as I will explain. You are 14 years old which under a law called HIPPA allows you medical confidentiality and the ability to seek medical treatment without requiring mom or dads permission.

The reason I said I was not a lawyer is. In most if not all divorces the courts make parents accountable for there children's well being. This would include that one if not both parents would be required to continue to keep health care insurance up for all the children until they are 18 years of age. You do not need to be a lawyer to understand that the, in all states, requires a parent to be legally responsible for the health and welfare of their children until they are 18.

While I am not a lawyer I have many friends that are. None know of any court that would allow or approve of a divorce that does not take into account the well being of the children of that marriage. As part of that well being generally includes health insurance. If dad has been ordered by the court in the divorce proceeding, something you would have to read the full order to find out, and has not done so. He would be in contempt of court and be sent to jail until he complies.

That being said as a 14 year old there are other programs that are in place and other services that are available to you. As you are now 14 years of age under a federal law called HIPPA you do not need parental permission to seek medical help.

Those are the rules and the law something you truly need not worry about. How you get help is as follows.

You as you know have to be diagnoses by a doctor to find out if you suffer from depression and if you are a manic depressive, bi polar disorder. You can be diagnosed by going to your family doctor. You can also to the nearest hospital ER and telling them exactly what you have told us about cutting yourself, drinking,smoking and if the smoking is weed tell them that too. You will be helped whether you can pay or not. Also tell them about the manic episodes as it is important.

If you are still cutting and feel like cutting before you can get to the doctor or hospital; pick up the phone and dial 911, help will be sent to you. Yes, 911 is there to help you for this type problem. They will send an ambulance to take you to the ER where there are doctors who can help you.

Need more help or support the following URLS will take you to websites that can help you.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/Custom Source/Affiliate Finder.cfm

The National Alliance on Mental Illness. This URL will take you to their locator page where you can find the local NAMI office for where you live. They will help you find the right people to help you.

http://www.pendulum.org/supportgroups.html

This site will help you find a support group if you are diagnosed with bi polar disorder. Depression hurts I know and it is a vicious cycle. Depression causes stress, stress causes you to hurt and hurt and stress cause pain. Finding a support group may help.

I hope the information I've given you helps. I know how hopeless this illness can make you feel, There is help, you need not worry about the cost. That is a problem for your parents not you. You need to seek help; with or without your parents help. So go to the nearest hospital ER, ask for help at school. But get the help you need . This is not an illness you can overcome yourself. You need the help of professional doctors.

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Hi, 20/f; My fiance is 20/m.

We have been together for two years; and we have been living together under my parents roof for one year. Things have been great. We are both in college, and we both work fulltime. I work at a daycare, and he works at a factory making stoves and other appliances.


Well, my parents made a deal that he could live with us for 6 months, to give him enough time to save up money and wait for a low-income apartment to open up. One apartment opened up, but he wasn't able to reserve it because of issue with a co-signer(no credit on his half). So my parents told him there was no rush in him getting out;

Well Thursday, we got a call from the low income apartments and the lady said a two bedroom apartment is available and my fiance is first on the waiting list.

We were excited; after it set in, I begin to stress. I'm terrified we won't make it finicially. My grandmother told me if I moved in with him, that she would disown me; I feel like I am almost 21 years old, I should be able to make decisions for myself, and not have to worry about someone hating me and never talking to me again.

My parents told us to pass on the apartment and stay longer so we can save up more money, and my fiance can buy him a new car, (his has done nothing but give him problems)

So there isn't any rush of us to get out, unless we truly want our own privacy and space.


I guess what I'm looking for is a little word of advice? What should I do about my disapproving family? My father is fine with it, along with my mother; its just my aunts, granmother, ects.
What are some items you need to move into a first apartment (things most people forget about?)

Do you think its wise to go ahead and buy certain items slowly, so when we are ready for an apartment, we have everything we need, and aren't stressing on how we are going to come up with money AFTER moving in and paying bills?? Or do you think thats a terrible idea?


Any useful hints you can give, would be appreciated. I don't wanna have these jitters of being without my parents forever; guess I don't like growing up, haha.

BTW-These apartments are 600ft from my parents house; I feel like I'm scared of failure, because no one believes my boyfriend and I can make it?

You have great parents. While I have very liberal views I don't know if I am that liberal the that I would allow my daughter and her fiance to share a room, I am making the assumption you two are sleeping together, before marriage. I have a son which put me in a whole different position when he had girls spend the night.

If I were to put myself in your parents position. What I believe they are seeing are two people who are working full time and going to college to make a better life for themselves then maybe they have had. What grandma and the other relatives may be saying we will discount for now.

As a parent we all want what is best for our children. We want our children to have a better life for themselves than we've maybe had. Today that is very hard to come by given the present state of the economy.

Again putting myself in your parents shoes I believe I might compromise on principle and offer to relieve some of the stress by eliminating it where and when I can. Hence mom and dads suggestion you pass on the apartment and continue to live with them. They also offer as an excuse or enticement that your boyfriend needs a new car. If so this too would be or could be added stress. Worry about how to afford the cost of the apartment, utilities, food, college costs and a new car even a used one; this is a lot of stress and could effect your grades.

I believe your parents offer is a genuine effort to remove as much stress as possible so that you can concentrate on what is important; that being school. That being said if you and your fiance feel you need to make a contribution to assist your parents in the added costs staying with them brings. Then I would suggest you offer to pay a utility bill or you buy some groceries.

Your parents and I if I was your father would most likely tell you it is not necessary. It may not be but do it anyway if it makes the two of you feel more independent.

I'm not going to answer your other questions as I believe as your parents do, that until you finish college and find good jobs you should continue to live with them. This has nothing to do with fear of you failing or not being able to make it. It is as I believe and honest effort on your parents part to relieve all that stress which can ruin all the effort you two are putting into your education.

My advice is to accept you parents offer along with a big hug and a thank you.

PS: My son has been on his own for many years now and lives about a mile away. He still comes by from time to time to grocery shop at moms kitchen and takeout store. He says he does this to make us feel needed. I would feel a lot less needed if he didn't always grab my favorite cookies while shopping in moms kitchen. lol. Moral is that you can always depend on the parents like the ones you have. Listen to them and follow there advice I don't think they will steer you wrong.

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How do you set up a pre-paid funeral? I don't want my family to have to deal with this when I pass away. Who do I talk to to do this? I am afraid that if I did it with the local funeral home and then I passwed away on a trip it wouldn't count and they would still have to pay for my burial. How does this work?

Prepaid funerals are a good thing. They allow you to pay for your funeral now and the money you pay to day is escrowed until a funeral for you is needed. The interest earned on that money goes against the higher cost of the future funeral costing your relatives nothing. The extra benefit is you chose exactly what you want and your relatives are not left to do when grief stricken an possibly purchase more than what you want.

The one question you asked will have to answered by the Funeral Director at the Funeral Home where you arrange to prepay your funeral. My thought is that if you were to pass away while on vacation there would be an additional cost to have your remains shipped back to the funeral home where you prepaid your funeral. Everything else you prepaid would be covered. It may also be able to have the funds on deposit with the funeral home transferred to wherever you passed away if this is what your family wants to do.

It is not a big problem to have your remains returned to where yo want to be buried on t o where you have made your arrangements. It is done everyday. Depending on where you are the Funeral Home can either send their car for you or they have a funeral director there arrange for a transfer casket and your remains are either flown or put on a train back to where your arrangements have been made.

All this can be explained by the Funeral Director where you decide to make the arrangements.

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