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Hi, I'm 20 years old, and my boyfriend of 6 months is 22. We both really love eachother we are pretty much perfect i would say never fight pretty much always happy have good jobs. we want to move in together in may or june! so by then we will be dating a little over a year. the rent will be cheap and i wont have to worry about school much by then. the only problem is, my mom. im not sure what or how to tell her that we are thinking about this. we plan on one day getting engaged so that moving in isnt just something we decided we actually want to do something after. i just need advice on all of this.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Living together is a big step to make. Living with someone is a lot different than say spending the night or a few nights with someone. You will both see a whole different side of each other.
He may be the type that likes to drink the OJ right from the carton. Drop his clothes wherever he takes them off. Maybe he doesn't do laundry until he is totally out of things to wear. When dating you don't see this side of him as it is generally hidden.
You on the other hand may be more organized. Maybe you like everything in its place and have a place for everything. If it is Tuesday evening you do your laundry. So on and so forth.
I would recommend that you not give up your apartment right away. If you want to live together do so on a trial basis for several months. If things work out to both of your satisfactions then give up your apartment. Being engaged does not add permanence to moving in together as engagements are easily broken.
What you tell your mother is. That you and your boyfriend are moving in together as you are planning to become engaged. That at first you are going to keep your apartment as you both realize this is a big step and there is a big difference in living together than simply dating. Once you are confident you are both compatible in all ways you will give up your apartment so you can both start saving for married life.
This alone should let mom know that you are an adult living an adult life style. Any questions she may have concerning your chastity or lack there off should be answered without the question being asked.
I hope this helps.
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Moving in together before you have a stronger commitment than just being boyfriend and girlfriend may not be the best idea. If you're going to get engaged anyway, why not do it first? Yes, lots of people that are not engaged or married live together. Sometimes it ends badly, but sometimes it doesn't just like any relationship. It's not like there's a problem morally in today's day and age with people living together before they're engaged or married. You're certainly free to do it without being scrutinized too much. It's just one of those things where you want to make sure that he's as committed to you as you are to him. Actions speak much louder than words. A person can say they're ready for something, but when they get down to it, maybe they're not quite ready just yet. You can feel ready in your heart and end up being surprised when your readiness is tested and you're really not quite ready yet. Are you ready to get engaged? If not, you may not be ready to move in together. It's easy to think about how wonderful it would be and how much money you'd save and forget about whether this is a step you're ready to take. If you really are ready to move in together, you're at a place in your relationship where you're probably ready to be engaged to one another too. You may disagree with me about some of the things I've already said, but there's a bigger reason why it's a good idea to get engaged first than just to prove that you're ready to move in together. Your mom. The two of you could be as ready as ever, but other people cannot feel or know what the two of you feel and know. They're outsiders, they're likely going to see it how I see it even if it isn't the reality of the situation. They're going to question your commitment and readiness no matter how strong it is. That's just the way of things. Your mom's reality may be wrong, but it's still her reality and what she will believe. Only by becoming engaged can you prove to the world that your relationship is legit, which can be an important thing to do. An older person may not see things as you do. They may be much more traditional. If the two of you are engaged, it will be much, much easier for your mom (and others) to accept the living arrangement that you have in mind. It's not like you have to go out and buy an expensive ring, you can wait a few years for that if you want. Just get a cheaper one and show yourselves and the world that you're together for the long haul. Why not get engaged now if it'll make things easier? There's nobody saying that you can't do it twice. Once now and a better proposal later. My husband and I got engaged before we moved in together and it worked out really well for both us, and our families. Trust me, it's a good idea. There's no reason not to and so many reasons why it's a good idea. I wish you the best of luck and your mom will really appreciate if the two of you are engaged before you move in together. She's much more likely to approve and much less likely to put up much of a fight about it. Come on, don't you want to call him your fiancé? :)
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