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Moving in with my fiance'?
Hi, 20/f; My fiance is 20/m.
We have been together for two years; and we have been living together under my parents roof for one year. Things have been great. We are both in college, and we both work fulltime. I work at a daycare, and he works at a factory making stoves and other appliances.
Well, my parents made a deal that he could live with us for 6 months, to give him enough time to save up money and wait for a low-income apartment to open up. One apartment opened up, but he wasn't able to reserve it because of issue with a co-signer(no credit on his half). So my parents told him there was no rush in him getting out;
Well Thursday, we got a call from the low income apartments and the lady said a two bedroom apartment is available and my fiance is first on the waiting list.
We were excited; after it set in, I begin to stress. I'm terrified we won't make it finicially. My grandmother told me if I moved in with him, that she would disown me; I feel like I am almost 21 years old, I should be able to make decisions for myself, and not have to worry about someone hating me and never talking to me again.
My parents told us to pass on the apartment and stay longer so we can save up more money, and my fiance can buy him a new car, (his has done nothing but give him problems)
So there isn't any rush of us to get out, unless we truly want our own privacy and space.
I guess what I'm looking for is a little word of advice? What should I do about my disapproving family? My father is fine with it, along with my mother; its just my aunts, granmother, ects.
What are some items you need to move into a first apartment (things most people forget about?)
Do you think its wise to go ahead and buy certain items slowly, so when we are ready for an apartment, we have everything we need, and aren't stressing on how we are going to come up with money AFTER moving in and paying bills?? Or do you think thats a terrible idea?
Any useful hints you can give, would be appreciated. I don't wanna have these jitters of being without my parents forever; guess I don't like growing up, haha.
BTW-These apartments are 600ft from my parents house; I feel like I'm scared of failure, because no one believes my boyfriend and I can make it?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If its going well with living with your parents, then why move out. You both are young, working, and full time college students. I would finish school first. This will allow you both to qualify for jobs that will financial support you two.
I'm not saying you won't make it, but you are both very young. You have a good thing going right now. As long as your parents and you both are happy living with one another, then why ruin a good thing.
I am 24 years old and had a similar experience. I would save money, by a car, put money away for a wedding and save for a house.
Contact me if you need further advice!
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You have great parents. While I have very liberal views I don't know if I am that liberal the that I would allow my daughter and her fiance to share a room, I am making the assumption you two are sleeping together, before marriage. I have a son which put me in a whole different position when he had girls spend the night.
If I were to put myself in your parents position. What I believe they are seeing are two people who are working full time and going to college to make a better life for themselves then maybe they have had. What grandma and the other relatives may be saying we will discount for now.
As a parent we all want what is best for our children. We want our children to have a better life for themselves than we've maybe had. Today that is very hard to come by given the present state of the economy.
Again putting myself in your parents shoes I believe I might compromise on principle and offer to relieve some of the stress by eliminating it where and when I can. Hence mom and dads suggestion you pass on the apartment and continue to live with them. They also offer as an excuse or enticement that your boyfriend needs a new car. If so this too would be or could be added stress. Worry about how to afford the cost of the apartment, utilities, food, college costs and a new car even a used one; this is a lot of stress and could effect your grades.
I believe your parents offer is a genuine effort to remove as much stress as possible so that you can concentrate on what is important; that being school. That being said if you and your fiance feel you need to make a contribution to assist your parents in the added costs staying with them brings. Then I would suggest you offer to pay a utility bill or you buy some groceries.
Your parents and I if I was your father would most likely tell you it is not necessary. It may not be but do it anyway if it makes the two of you feel more independent.
I'm not going to answer your other questions as I believe as your parents do, that until you finish college and find good jobs you should continue to live with them. This has nothing to do with fear of you failing or not being able to make it. It is as I believe and honest effort on your parents part to relieve all that stress which can ruin all the effort you two are putting into your education.
My advice is to accept you parents offer along with a big hug and a thank you.
PS: My son has been on his own for many years now and lives about a mile away. He still comes by from time to time to grocery shop at moms kitchen and takeout store. He says he does this to make us feel needed. I would feel a lot less needed if he didn't always grab my favorite cookies while shopping in moms kitchen. lol. Moral is that you can always depend on the parents like the ones you have. Listen to them and follow there advice I don't think they will steer you wrong.
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