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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Me and my boyfriend is thinking of having sex and im kinda scared cuz I've seen his penis before.im just soo scared. He's 15 im 13

I agree with LVR,

Hi I'm 27 yerrs old female who is suffering from agrophobia panic attacks. Disorder for 4months now. Every thing started 7years ago so I start taking paxil 20mg and it was worked great for me. Till 7years after 4months it came back and I increase my dose up to 30 mg but is not seem to. Work it got worse for me because I even. Scared to live the house and sometimes even home don't feel safe I don't know what to do but even my relationship is going not well because of this I do want to get better as soon as possible but this fear what I. Feel....I can't do this anymore pleasesomeone help me I do not want to loose control of my life but I feel like I will if this is not going to stop what should I do?

If you follow my advice an see the doctors LVR and I are suggesting you will get the help you need. Start with a phone call to a good psychiatrist who can work with you by phone and send new medications to you to control the attacks. You need to take this first step

I agree with lyr you need professional help with this problem. Paxil is a drug that requires a prescription. Who prescribed this medication for you. Was it your family doctor? If so you need to find a Board Certified psychiatrist as well as a psychologist to work with.

Paxil is an antidepressant and while panic attacks are part of depression an antidepressant alone may not be enough. You are not crazy, your family doctor just does not have the training to deal properly with this problem. A psychiatrist working with a psychologist is the best way to deal with this problem.

In your case which came first, the panic attacks or the depression. This is sort of a chicken and egg problem. A psychiatrist is better trained to deal with this and will prescribe the proper medications which hopefully will allow you to get out and work with the psychologist.

Now I am not a doctor so I cannot diagnose the problem for you. What I can tell you is that I am in recovery from depression. In my case I know which came first and why. The depression came first and it triggered the panic attacks. My psychiatrist prescribed two medications. One to be taken daily, for depression and one to be taken when I felt a panic attack coming on. I learned to identify the panic attack in its earliest stages working with my psychologist.

My advice is to seek out a Board Certified psychiatrist. Board Certification is important. Any doctor who had a psychiatry residency can practice psychiatry only a Board Certified doctor has the Fellowship and extra studies required for certification. Your psychiatrist can help you find a psychologist to work with.

19/F. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we've basically done everything but sex because I have such a fear about being pregnant.

This is stupid and I won't do it again until I actually want kids but we showered together and were doing stuff in it and it wasn't until after he left after the shower I got my period. On that same day.

But it only lasted 3 days and the first two days were heavy but on the third day there was barely any. Usually if I'm lucky my period will END on the 7th day. So that was odd. Then four days after the shower I started going insane and thinking what if when we were against each other in the shower and his penis was on my stomach what if I got impregnant somehow.

So I went to the pharmacy and bought the OneStep pack with two pregnancy tests in the box and they both came up as not pregnant. Which made me feel better.

But its four days after that now and today I was feeling so dizzy and yesterday I got car sick and I used to get car sick all the time but not anymore so yesterday being really car sick and today being really dizzy after lifting the usual things I lift just worries me.

Is it possible that I'm pregnant? And did I take the pregnancy tests too soon, even though it was 4 days after the shower and i got my period after the shower?

One of my friends think that I didn't get my period and that he broke my hymen when he fingered me. But she said that it should be liek bleeding for just a whole day, not three.

Please help I'm so scared and I will not even think about doing that in the shower again. I am absolutely scared and am not ready to have a baby and my parents are nto the ones that will support me; they will immediately disown me and I am in a great school program. My friends think I'm worrying too much, but all this stuff just keeps popping up!

Just having his penis on your stomach will not get you pregnant. He would have had to ejaculate sperm and that sperm would have had to be very close to or actually ejaculated into your vagina to get you pregnant.

The fact that you had you period the same day says the possibility you could be impregnated was very small. You would also have to be ovulating to get pregnant. Most women do not ovulate while they are having their periods. The fact that your period was three days shorter than normal could be the result of a variety of factors. One being stress resulting from worry.

If you are this concerned you can put your concerns to rest with a home pregnancy test. I am fairly certain that you are not pregnant. From what you have written the factors needed for pregnancy are not their.

i was texting my friend and she started talking about how annoying her family was then she said she was gonna run away and i tried and tried to talk her out of it but she just yelled at me and told me i didnt know her and i told her i was only trying to help and things got out of control so i told her mom and now shes blaming everything on me what should i do?

Let me put this in another prospective. You have already done the right thing. I for one am proud of you for doing what was right to protect your friend. You may have just saved her life.

She may hate you now but at least she is alive and protected from what life would be like alone on the streets. At some point when whatever problems have caused her to think her only answer was to run away, are settled, she will come around and thank you for being her friend and doing the right thing. Until then there is not much you can do but remain her friend from a far to make sure she does not do anything that might harm herself.

You did the right thing, the mature thing and as I said I am very proud of you for doing that. Many others would have kept her secret and then hated themselves if she was hurt or worse. So just continue to be their for her if she needs you. One day she will realize you are her BFF.

12 almost 13-female
Ok so right now I'm in bed and I've been having the worst cramp for the past couple hours, since like 5:30. (like a million little devils are stabing me in my vagina and area above it) I have yet to have my period, but I've been have cramps like this, about as long and around the same-ish time, too. Do you think I'll be having my period soon? and, anyway to get rid of or slightly get rid of my cramps? another question, I do waterpolo from 4:00-5:30 everyday (around the time of my cramps, and trust me, they're not linked.) but I hate the idea of tampons, I can't even get one in! but I dont want to be like the horror movie where the girl hasherperiod in the pool. o-o that would be horrible. so, thats question number two; how do I deal with waterpolo and my hattred of tampons? owch please help soon it hurts very badly. xOx thank you for your consideration.

I will just add the following to what has already been said.

Your period is a natural function of a women's body. Not something to be embarrassed about. For the best advice on this question you should be talking to your mother. I'm sure she is waiting for you to come to her with the news that your first period has arrived. She can then help you with the proper sanitary products to choose and how best to help you with the cramps and other problems.

Remember what you are know experiencing Mom experienced when she had her first period. There is nothing sexual about a woman's period other than it is related to her sexual organ. It is as I said a normal bodily function just like any other bodily function you have.

So talk to your mom and let her know what is happening with your period. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. It is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing.

Just for the record, we men know all about this stuff too. If we didn't know about it before we married we got a crash course right after we married. So if need be you can talk to your dad as well.

Okay, I'm shaking right now. 8( I just noticed the tip of my penis is swollen & red. (No pains) I've never had sex, never done drugs. I think it may possibly be a reaction to dust, I say this because I just pulled an old quilt out and as I lay down, my eyes became super irritated, like badly, red with the eye goo. All the while I was mastrabating under the quilt 8( The quilt was old & probably dusty. IDK what to do!!! This is sooo embarassing 8( Its not the whole tip, just the hole.

I don't think this is a question any of us can answer as we are not doctors. Common sense says it is very possible something on the quilt irritated your penis. The question now becomes what if anything to do about it?

I would say if by the time you read this the swelling and redness has not gone away then you need to see your doctor. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, masturbation is normal and your doctor will have seen far worse than what you are complaining about.

The fact that you are 17 gives you medical confidentiality by law. Meaning you do not need to tell your parents about this or ask their permission to see a doctor. Neither your mother or father can be with you while you consult with your doctor unless you invite one of them to be with you. This is granted you under a law known as HIPPA which congress wrote into a section specifically for people 14 and older to seek medical help for problems with their reproductive systems. Your problem definitely qualities.

Your doctor no matter how well he is known to your family can not release any information to anyone, this includes your parents without your written permission. This includes your parents. To do so would subject your doctor to loss of license and 5 years in Jail under this law.

Now you do not have to go to you family doctor if you feel this would be too embarrassing. You can go to any clinic including any of the walk-in clinics. The visit will be covered under you health insurance with your parent coverage. At 17 years of age and probably driving you should be carrying your own health care coverage card in any case.

As I said if the swelling and irritation have not subsided then you need to see a doctor so either go to your own family doctor or a clinic but seek a doctor care.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant. I'm happily married, so it's not that. I'm worried because a few years ago I was involved with a guy that cheated on me and gave me Chlamydia. I fell fell for his stupid lies and took him back, thus repeating what had happened before. So he gave me Chlamydia TWICE. I never spoke to him again, I was hurt and extremely angry that I was one of those people who got an STD even though I'm faithful, but others who are promiscuous are sometimes lucky enough to never get anything. But anyway, I was just wondering how this could affect my pregnancy. Is it possible I could have an ectopic pregnancy? I have an appt set but I want to know if I should go get it checked out earlier. I have period-like cramps on a regular basis, and at first I thought it was implantation cramping but it's continued. Occasionally I'll get a sharp pain on either side of my lower abdomen and sometimes it's near my sphincter. Which is weird.... I'm worried, that's all. I know it's fatal if that's the case so I wanna know what I should do. Let it play out, or get myself seen now.

My answer to questions like this is: If you are this concerned call you doctor. Stress during early pregnancy is not good for you or the baby. So even though everything Rahzi said is correct, you are still stressing over this and most likely will continue to do so until you speak to your doctor.

My advice is to call your doctors office and advice them of your concerns. Let the doctor decide if you need to come in earlier.

Hi all,

I apologize if this question might come across as stupid or obvious to those of you who live in the states, but as a European I really don't know!

Next fall I will be going to the states with my boyfriend and we'll be doing a road trip though a couple of states. My question is that if we buy a very basic prepaid sim card (without a contract), how does calling work. Does the phone number limit you to one state, or can you call from one state to another without added fees, etc?

For instance, here in Europe you have to pay a lot more if you're calling from country to another. I'm just wondering if the same applies in the US from one state to another...?

Any information on this would be much appreciated as things are quite different over here! :) Thank you in advance.

Here in the states we do have (cell)phone systems that allow unlimited calling from state to state regardless of where you are. What I do not know is if your phone will be compatible with any of these systems. The IPhone is probably the best as it is one of the most popular in this country followed by the Verizon Droids.

The people who can best answer this question for you are the people you presently have service with. They are the ones who know what carriers their systems are most compatible with the systems here. You should be able to use your present phone with some type of extended contract for service will here in the states though what ever agreements they have with carriers here.

I would suggest you try to hook up with either Verizon, ATT or Sprint as they are the largest carriers in the country in that order.

My daughter plays on a soccer team and recently lost their first game against a team that is without a doubt are biggest rivarly. That being said one of the coaches did not say this to the girls on the field, but later posted it on his daughter's facebook page. That winning the game doesn't matter the tournament is what counts. Now I know this coach and he has a personal vendetta against the other teams coach, his daughter is friends with some of those players. So he wanted to send the message that basically their win doesn't count and I think that is so wrong. First of all we are talking about 10-13 girls. This has really bothered me that he would go out of his way to send this message and put down their win. They played better than our girls did and the earned that win. The placement in tournament is based on your wins so to me they do count and are equally important. correct? Also, how do I address this with the head coach as he is not on facebook and would not have known this was done. Many of our girls are on facebook so what is he saying to our girls that whether we win or lose it is all for not because it really doesn't matter anyway? Thank you.

I agree with you that the coach is wrong and is sending the wrong message to the team. At their age he should not only be teaching the game but sportsmanship as well. From what you have written he is failing miserably at this teaching.

I would not recommend addressing the coach directly as I do not feel you alone will do anything of value to address the situation with him. Instead if the team is playing in a league such as a one underwritten by Parks and Recreation. Then you should go to the person or persons in Parks and Recreation to address this.

I know when I coached my son's Soccer Team at that age there were specific rules of conduct for the coaches as well as what the coaches were expected to teach the children. Every league regardless of who may be the primary underwriter has rules of conduct for the coaches, the referees and the players.

If the coach is not following the rules of conduct, then you should complain to the league and let them take the appropriate action.

how do you have sex

Flare is right. You may also be to young for any of us to answer this questionlegally. Does you school offer sex education classes? Most schools offer them at different grade levels. Have you taken these classes or have you been opted out of them and why?

This question is the question you should really ask of one of your parents, whichever one you are most comfortable talking too. Sex is really not something to be embarrassed about. It is a natural function of most animals including us human animals.

From my point of view the more information you have about sex, especially a girl, the better armed she is to take care of herself in different situations.

So talk to mom or dad first. Just ask them to talk to you about sex and why. I would advice you that sex at a young age is wrong. It is not a sport to see how many boys or girls you can bed.

Sex is a very intimate act to be shared with another loving person. Both of you need to be old enough and mature enough to understand the consequences of sex before entering into it. That means waiting until atleast you are old enough by law to have sex. In most states that age is 18, the age of consent.

So I just moved to a new town about 2 months ago, I still haven't really made friends I've only met 2 new people. One person I hung out with once and he came over for an hour or so and we just hung out and talked I'll call him Dave. Well Dave came over again when nobody else was here and we started making out and stuff and he wanted to have sex with me. I told him we needed to stop because I didn't know him well at all, he tried to talk me into but said he wouldn't force me so we stopped. I didn't tell him the main reason i said no was because I'm still a virgin, which he doesn't know. As much as I'd love to have sex I dont want to do it with someone who may just wanna hit it and quit it, (not sure If that's the case) and that seems like a whorish thing to do to sleep with someone the second time weve hungout, yes i do realize how crazy all this probably sounds. I haven't been in a relationship in 2 years and I want to Lose my virginity soon, but I want to be dating the person and know them an be comfortable with them because I'm still not even comfortable with my body or anything. I don't want to be an item or a whore. I still didn't tell him why, and I'm not sure what I should say to him or if I should even explain myself. Because I do feel bad that we madeout and started gettin frisky and he had a boner and I just made him stop all the sudden but I didn't wanna do anything stupid. Any advice helps..thanks
18/f he's also 18

I'm known to be very liberal in my views on sex. I am also old fashion enough to believe that a girls virginity is a very precious gift that should not be wasted on someone you don't know well, are not comfortable with and are not planning on being in a loving long term relationship with. This does not mean that you two will eventually marry though that would be nice.

My advice is to stick to your guns so to speak as what you have expressed is exactly the right thought. Your virginity should not just be given away just for the sake of getting rid of it. It is far to precious a gift to do that. Make sure the man you give it to understands how precious it is and takes his time to make it a memorable event for you.Until then know has to know you are a virgin unless you want them to know. There is no same in being a virgin.

As to not being comfortable with your body. I assume you are not ready for a man to see you naked for you perceive some flaw in your body. Relax if you chose the right man to give your virginity to he will be making love to you, your body is the vehicle. He will not see the flaws you may perceive.

Men have the same body flaw perceptions. They worry they are too big, too small, to long or to short; will they satisfy the women they are sleeping with and so on. It matters not how many women they may have slept with this problem bothers them every time they have a new partner.

Below is a link to a website I found sometime ago when answering a question for another young lady with questions about first time sex. I think it will answer many of the questions you may be asking yourself.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

um i was wondering becuse if i was married i would want only one daughter and not have too many kids what can i do to prevent having too much children please help me

First: You do not want to get a hysterectomy as a permanent form of birth control. What you want is a Tubal Ligation, which cuts the duct between your ovaries and your womb so that an egg can not be impregnated and plant itself in your womb.

Known as to your question as to how to have only one child and have that child be a girl. You are getting into the realm of genetic engineering as it is the male that determines the sex of a child.

At this time as I write this I am not sure if doctors will even do this for you. If they will I am very sure it will be very expensive. If this is what you want it would have to be something you and your husband discuss and agree upon as it is far from the normal intimacy surrounding a couple bringing a child into this world.

Once you have the number of children you desire then you or your husband can be sterilized either through a tubal ligation for you or a vasectomy for him.

Hi.. I'm from France, so Iive in a place where there are many, many skinny girls.

I'm 12 years old and I don't like the way I look.. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to get into excersizing, but nobody will help me by telling me like the routines and stuff.. I just want to lose the fat in my face SO SO SO SO much. People keep telling me it's "baby fat", but come on... I'm 12. Why would I still have baby fat if i'm 12?

I just hate the way I look. I'm thinking about starting to starve myself like I used to and count every single calorie I actually eat. If I can't seem to find excersize and a loss of weight, it'll have to come to that :(

I just hate the way I look... Can someone help me?

Listen to what flare is telling you. Puberty is what determines when and how your body reshapes itself from girl to young lady and finally to young women. Everyone, boys and girls go through puberty as I believe you already know.

What differs from one to another is the when and how of it. The hormones that are needed by your body to reshape and to help you lose that baby fat are released at different times as you go through puberty. You are 12 years old and it is very, very possible that you body has not given off the signals needed to release the hormones that are needed for these changes to begin.

There is nothing wrong with this as everyone is different. You may have already started your period. Your Breasts may have already started to grow; this doesn't mean you are finished with puberty. You can and very likely will continue to have some influences of puberty all the way through your early twenties.

Whatever you do though so not start to diet to try and get the shape you think you should have. Dieting will delay the goal you want to achieve and could cause you physical harm.

Exercise is always good though it should be proper exercise. Talk with your physical education instructor at school about a proper exercise routine for you. Here is the USA many schools have after school activities where exercise is monitored by the PE teacher and is considered extra credit for graduation. If your school offers something like this then I would suggest joining as this would be the proper way to exercise. Just remember one thing. Muscle weighs more than fat so it is possible you will gain weight while burning off fat.

Last: Don't hate the way you look. Your body will change as will your facial features. It just takes time. Stop comparing yourself to others as we are all individuals. I have a motto I have used most all my life and it is worked well. You may adopt it if you like.

It goes like this: "The only person I need to be better than today is the person I am tomorrow." What this means is not to worry about anyone else than me. To try to learn more tomorrow than I know today. Not to be jealous of others only of myself. I know it may not make a lot of sense but if you stop worrying about others and concentrate on yourself you will grow as a person not just today but tomorrow and for the rest of your life.

Be patient your time is coming and you will be the beautiful butterfly you are looking to be.

My boyfriend has super anger issues, i feel unsafe around him sometimes. I'm 7 months pregnant and i dont want the fighting around our baby girl. i'm not saying its only him but if he gets some kind of help it'll cool down the fight a lot. how can i have a calm conversation with him about him get help?

I'm sure you don't want to hear this but you said it yourself; "i feel unsafe around him sometimes."

If you feel unsafe around him at any time then this is not a good place to raise you daughter or a safe place for either one of you to be unless or until he gets his anger under control.

Unfortunately this is one of those issues that he will not do willingly or be forced into. Even when court ordered into anger management course. Those with anger problems rarely change as this is one of those issues they have to want to do for themselves.

My advice to you is to move out to some place you feel safe. Not only will you and your daughter be safe, depending on how much love he has for you and your daughter this may be just what he needs to motivate him to get help for his anger issues.

Think about what sets him off now. Then think about how having a baby in the picture will be. Will this add to the stress that sets him off? If the answer is yes then you and your daughter are in danger and you need to move out now before the baby arrives.

For additional help I would like you to cal the following hot line. It is the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE (7233). They will help you find a safe place for you and the baby.

Alright, here is the deal, I am 17 going on 18. I am a single, female senior in High School. I decided to have sex when I was 16, I was peer pressured into it, and after that I told myself I would never do it again. Well, teenage hormones started pumping, so I called a friend, we hooked up twice. Then I ended up getting a boyfriend not to long afterwards, and about 3ish weeks into our relationship, I slept with him, well My Aunt and Uncle found out about this encounter, and I never told them, I didn't want to tell them, anyway, my uncle disowned me and every chance he gets he calls me a slut, and told me I don't deserve to live anymore. He doesn't want me around his children anymore because I am a "stupid cunt" IDK what to do ): I need help.... He won't let me move out until I am 18 and that's in 7 months, I don't think I can handle this verbal abuse...

First: To my mind, and I am a very liberal minded person, there is no such thing as a slut. It is a word that is used only to demean a person. I don't like the word and I never use the word.

In my day there were good girls and bad girls. Good girls were assumed to be virgins. Bad girls were assumed to be girls that were not virgins. Even then the term bad girl was no right. The word slut seems to be more in vogue today for no real reason. Ignore it as it has no real definition.

Now as to your family situation. It is unfortunate that your Uncle has chosen to abuse you in this manner. Yes, abuse is the right word. You do not have to be physically harmed to be abused. There is such a thing as mental abuse and this is what your Aunt and Uncle are making you suffer.

Depending on the state you live in you may have the right to consent. Meaning the state recognizes your right to have sex and some other things. If you happen to live in a state where the age of consent is 17 your Uncle is being very wrong on personal grounds as you are only exercising your rights under the law. He may not like it but he can learn to live with.

Even though you may have obtained the age of consent, you are still a minor, this is why you cannot leave his home, with or without his consent. For if he and your Aunt are your legal guardians they are responsible for you until you reach age 18.

This also mean he has no right to abuse you in this manner. He is committing child abuse, mental abuse is still abuse. Now what can you do about this.

You have not said why you are leaving with your Aunt and Uncle. If they are your guardians and their guardianship is overseen by child welfare you should speak to your case worker. If your guardianship is not overseen by child welfare then you can do one of the following.

You should or could tell a trusted teacher about what is going on at home. Under the law there are rules the teacher must follow, in most every state, when notified by a student of abuse. If you do not want to talk to a teacher than tell your school principal. They too are required to follow the same rules.

Most importantly though is to remember you are only a slut if you believe yourself to be one. As I said I don't like the word and I don't believe in the word or have I ever used it. Remember the old saying. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names hurt." Don't let the name hurt you for the name does not really exist.

Dear adviceman49, I am a 35 y/o who was raised in a very strict/religious home. My parents wouldn't allow me to wear pants, cut my hair, wear makeup, date, go to theaters, go to any after-school activities such as football games, etc, and I ended up marrying the first man that I ever even kissed. He was 9 years older than me so I sort of went from one dominating situation to another. We were married for 14 years then divorced. The only reason that I stayed with him for so long was #1 because we have two children and #2 My parents are soooo against divorce. They believe that marriage is for life and that divorce is an abomination. It finally got to the point that I was cheating on him to keep from divorcing just to get the attention that I wasn't getting from him. But that made me hate myself and I was consumed with guilt so I ended up being admitted to the emotional health unit of the hospital where I stayed for the next nine days. I finally came to the conclusion that my happiness was my responsibility. I'm an RN and I can support myself so I filed for divorce. My mother has rebuked me and my dad called my sister and told her that because she helped me move out that God was going to have something terrible happen to her as punishment. My mother wont speak to me if she see's me in public if I have on slacks instead of a dress. I feel like they're love is so conditional, like I'm not good enough. So now I'm seeing a man who makes me very happy. My kids and his kids are the same age. We have similar interest, we both love to farm and love horses and cattle. But my parents are totally disappointed in me. The other day my dad passed the man that I'm dating on the highway and he waved. It made me so happy that I texted my mother and told her how happy it made me.... she replied "I assure you that if your dad had known it was your man he would not have waved. I'm sorry but you made your decision." It devastates me. Anyway, even tho I love this man so much, the closer we get in our relationship the more terrified that I get that he's going to leave me. I mean this is a paralyzing fear that causes me to try to break things off with him just to avoid the pain of being abandoned. I feel jealous if he even talks to his ex wife for too long and God forbid if he were to laugh during the course of the conversation with her, I'm convinced that he's going to hurt me and I have absolutely not grounds for that belief. Please help. You seem very intellegent and knowledgable.

Thank you for the compliment I appreciate your trust. Now lets see if I can give you some help.

I have gone over your message several times and while I will offer you some advice. I feel you need someone you can talk to on a one on one basis who will keep your trust. Someone who will be there for you when you need them and can work with you, to help you get back the confidence that is missing in your life.

The person I'm thinking of would be a psychologist someone who you can tell your deepest and darkest secrets to knowing full well that they stay between you and her. A good psychologist will help you with the biggest problems you presented here. That being the pain and fear of abandonment and jealousy. Once these are conquered or put in their proper prospective the other problems you have presented will take their proper place in your life. We could spend months writing to each other trying to get to a point that working with a therapist can be achieved in a much shorter time.

The problems you are having with your parents are not trivial. They are hurtful to you, this I understand. What I believe is happening here is not that your parents have lost their love for you. More so that they are disappointed in you that you are not following the teachings they tried to instill in you as a child.

It is my belief that a parent never loses their love for one of their children though they can become disappointed in them, in so doing they show their displeasure in ways that appear as if they don't love them.

The fact is you were never comfortable with the strict religious upbringing you had. Nothing wrong with that. It sounds like as long as you lived with them you followed their rules. That is what is expected of a child and what I expect you expect from your children.

It is a parents hope that a child takes and keeps the values learned when they go out in the adult world. The operative word here is "ADULT".

You write that as an adult you took the first escape route open to you to leave your parents home. It was a mistake. You lived with the mistake until you could no longer, until it affected your health, then took the only avenue of correction. This is where it seems the real problem with your family begins. The problem with how you dress in public is just added fuel so to speak.

I had a similar situation with a women my wife worked with. She was divorcing her husband and her parents abandoned her choosing to believe what her husband was saying over what she was saying. Over her objections I wrote to her parents and gave them my views of the situation. Explaining what I knew of her and of her husband. Long story short her parents were on the phone to her the evening the received my letter pledging their love and support.

In my letter to them I did not write anything that she had not tried to say to them in phone conversations. The problem was she was cut off by them because of what they believed.

I'm not sure what I'm about to suggest will work as it did for our friend. It will at least give you the opportunity to say to your parents what you feel and why.

I'm suggesting that you write to them. In that letter which you start with thanking them for being the great parents they were when you were growing up. They were great parents for you are a great adult which means they did their jobs as parents.

After you thank them you go on to say that what I said earlier, that the strict religious up bringing, although proper, never fit who you are. Because of it and to stay within thier boundaries, as you write, you married the first person who kissed you, this was a mistake. Then go one to tell them how much this hurt you physically and mentally. You can leave out the infidelity as it won't help your cause. That is something that should stay between you and the therapist. Then go on to explain how this hurt you and what effect if any this may have effected their grandchildren.

From there you go on to explain that you are an adult who must exist in today's world. As an adult in today's world you may make choices they do not like, do not truly understand or would not make. This is not meant to be disrespectful to them or their teachings. It is meant to make your life bearable and better for you and your children. From here you can go to tell about your new life.

Once you have written this letter set it aside then when you have calmed down again, reread it and make changes as needed. It is a conversational letter where you explain yourself and your feelings. Their is no need to hammer at their beliefs as this will gain you nothing. What is done is done you cannot change the past. What you can do is control today and the future.

There is a motto I have used for most of my adult life. It is; "The only person I have to be better than is the person I am today." Feel free to use it when writing to your parents it should say a lot to them.

Consider what I have said about writing a letter to them as it is an opportunity to say what you need to say without interruption. They will read it, that I am sure of. I also urge you strongly to find a therapist you are comfortable with and work with her on the other issues in you life as I know this will be beneficial.

I hope this helps you. Let me know how your doing and if your parents come more to your side after your write them. I'm sure they love you they are just upset with you at the moment for I believe they have never truly understood the full problem that you can relate in its entirety in a letter.

12/F

I need to lose weight. I don't WANT to, I NEED to. Please don't tell me "You're just a kid, stop worrying about it" and stuff because I won't stop worrying about it. I need to be skinny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are some good inside routines that will help me lose weight really fast? I need some excersize routines (No foods to eat and stuff. I got it covered).
Please please please help!

Before starting any exercise routine or diet you must check in with your doctor for a complete physical. This is the only proper and safe way to do these things. Let your doctor tell you what you weight parameters should be. Be aware that being 10 pounds under weight is much worse than being 10 pounds over weight.

At age 12 your NEED to be SKINNY and your ability to be skinny has more to do with your age and puberty than anything else. At age 12 you may or many not be in the full throws of puberty. You may have started your period and your breast may have started to grow, still all the hormones of puberty which help redefine a girls body may not have kicked in as of yet.

What you may be seeing as fat in comparison to some of your friends is what we parents refer to as BABY FAT. This will start to melt away as your adult hormones fully kick in. In fact these hormones need some of this baby fat to thrive.

Now that does not mean exercise is not important. Exercise, proper exercise is always good. Though as I said only after getting your doctors approval to do so and with your doctor monitoring you.

Once you have your doctors approval I would suggest you approach one of you PE teachers for help with this. Your PE teacher could help you design a program and possibly supervise an exercise program for you. This would be like having your own personal trainer like the stars have.

At 12 years of age I would guess you are in middle school or the first year of High School. If so there may even be an after school program for exercise that you could join and possible receive extra credit towards graduation. You should look into this.

Remember what I said about being underweight. Your body needs a certain amount of calories a day to support your activities. If you do not supply them it starts burning the stored fat. When It depletes the stored fat it starts feeding on itself by shutting down different systems. If not corrected you can get very sick and in the worst cases the doctors cannot fix you.

One other thing to remember. When you start exercising you build muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat. You may loose inches but gain weight. This is not something to get upset about. Most important is to take in enough calories each day to support your activities.

I need to get a tooth pulled for the first time, and I was wondering if I have to have a shot or if there's another alternative to numb it? I'm deathly afraid of needles..... Please help :(

Ask the dentist to give you laughing gas it will help you relax. The dentist should also put a topical numbing medicine on your gum so you will not feel the needle.

You really, really do not want a tooth removed without novocaine which can only be given by injection in to your gum. This is not only for your comfort during the removal but for after as well.

Since you don't like needles I would guess that a shot in the arm to put you to sleep before the procedure is something you would not want either. So you could also ask the dentist if he or she would administer a pill to put you to sleep before the procedure is started.

You would still need the shot but you would be a sleep and not have to see it administered.

I don't mind shots, I get plenty of them for back pain. The darn needles are as big as tree trunks. I swear after one of the pain procedures that if I drink water I will leak like a sieve. They use plenty of pain meds and I don't feel much and of course I don't see the needle so it doesn't bother me much.

That dentist needle is another story though. My dentist uses a topical pain medication first, then gives me the shot. I just close my eyes when he is ready. My dentist is really good about it and takes his time knowing about my phobia. He gives the medication time to take hold be for he proceeds with the total numbing of the area he is working in.

My advice is tell the dentist you are scared. Ask for the laughing gas first to relax you, it really does work. Ask him if he/she will use a topical numbing medicine first and to give the first push of the injection time to take hold before proceeding.

Most dentists today are trained in pediatric dentistry and peoples fear of dentists. When I was your age they were not. It was a whole other world back then. So just tell the dentist how you feel and I am sure he or she will do everything the can to make you comfortable and calm your fears.

12/F
Ok so i'm really sick and I went to the doctor today. They said I had to take medication for my lungs (pills) so I didn't make a big deal out of it.

Well, I have to take them for 5 days (once a day) because my lungs are like inflamed or something. I took my first one, and it tasted like puke! I'm not overreacting at all! And I didn't throw up in my mouth. I tried drinking AND eating something and the taste didn't go away. Nothing made it go away! I even tried plugging my nose.

What do I do? I have 4 days left and the taste just can't go away. And putting/mashing it in food won't help either. Please help me! Now i'm afraid i'll throw it up in my sleep or something ;(

I'm not sure this suggestion(s) will help but it is worth a try, some pill just have a bad after taste and you have to gut it out.

First stop crushing the pill up as you are defeating the purpose of the one a day pill. Try this instead.

Since this is a once a day pill take the pill after dinner when you have a full stomach. Place the pill on the back of your tongue away from your taste buds and swallow it quickly followed with lots of water.

If this doesn't work and you still get the after taste try wrapping the pill in a thin piece of cheese. This will guard against the pill coming in contact with your tongue and hopefully their will be no aftertaste remaining in your mouth.

If neither of these suggestions work then it is not the pills taste but the effect the pill has on your system and there is nothing you can do but as I said gut it out. In any case after trying these two suggestion 3 days would have passed and you only have 2 pill left. The worst will have passed.

Let me start off by saying I'm fifteen.
I'm an only child and I'm homebound, because I get panic attacks when I go anywhere near the school. I'm very lonely being by myself at home [my dad works and my mom has an immune disorder, so she's upstairs asleep a lot.] I want to go to school, I want to be with my friends, and I want to be in a natural classroom setting.
I feel like I'm going no where in life. All my close friends are what I want to be; smart, good at acting, fun... And it makes me so sad that I'm not as smart as them.

Tl;dr : I need a way to kill myself without waking everyone up.

Not one of us will answer this question for you. We will however tell you how to live. How to get treatment for the depression your are feeling and reacting to and how to get treatment for the panic attacks you are having.

The way people write can tell me a lot about just who or what a person is. I have been answering questions on this website for many years. It has gotten to the point I can tell a lot about a person just from what and how they write to us. The content of the question is not a reflection of who they are.

From your righting it is easy to spot that you are lonely and depressed, in fact you say you are lonely. You also say you want to be smart. Your writing tells me you are smart and by continuing your education you will become better educated and smarter in the process. You said it differently but this is what I read into what you have written.

This does not sound like someone who really wants to end her life. Let me help you get the help you need with Panic Attacks and the Depression it is causing. It may just be the other way around the depression is causing the panic attacks. I'm not a doctor so I can't say which is coming first.

First do not be concerned with whether you have insurance or not. There are safety net programs in place to cover medical costs for young people your age.

Doctors do not know just what causes panic attacks, they have theories and treatments but are not fully aware of the cause. Depression they know plays a part.

If your panic attacks are the type that start with leaving the house then what I would like you to do is pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you need help. That you have panic attacks that are keeping you home bound and you are thinking of killing yourself. They will send help to you.

If you are able to leave the house then please go to th nearest hospital emergency room. Tell then basically the same thing that panic attacks are causing you to want to kill yourself. They will see to it that the proper doctors and treatments are rendered to you. If you or your parents are uninsured, under-insured or cannot pay for your share of the cost. Then as I said above their are programs in place to care for young people like you so that is not something for you to be concerned yourself.

I have suffered from depression myself and understand how scary it can be. I can also understand how it might trigger panic attacks. I am recovering from my depression and I see things in a very different light then I did when I was deeply depressed. Please listen to me when I say there is help. Suicide is not an option it is the wrong solution. Help is the option and is the correct option to a workable solution.

You are a bright smart young lady with her whole life ahead of her so please either call 911 now or go now to the emergency room and get help.

Please write back and let me know how you are doing. You can use the private message option.

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