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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
or is that too enabling or encouraging?
my 22 year old daughter is incarcerated for a year for fraud charges. I am unable to have much sympathy for her about this because she committed a crime even though I never told her it was OK to participate in illegal activities, embarrassed herself and her entire family, set a bad example for her younger sister, and this is her punishment and maybe it will be a good learning experience and toughen her up.
I wonder if I should visit her. I hear it may take a month to get visits. Is visiting also something that should be encouraged or is it seen as too enabling or encouraging to the person inside. I don't want to give anyone (especially her younger sibling) the idea I support criminal activity.
is there an account that she needs money on or something? Is it for necessities or for some luxury items? If only for luxury items I am not sure if I should send anything since I don't have the desire to make the stay all cushy for her.
anything else I should tell her? Maybe she can get some job inside or something?
Serving time in prison for breaking the law is punishment by society. To do this time without the love and support of a persons family makes it that much harder. Visitation does not mean you forgive them or approve of what they have done. What it says is she is still your daughter and that even though she broke the law she still has your love and you will be there for her when she is released.
To me there is a big difference between love and sympathy. There are many things my children can do for which I can be sympathetic. There are also many things they can do that will earn them no sympathy from me. I can think of nothing they may do that will cause them to lose my love and affection for them.
This is what I think you are struggling with. To give your daughter sympathy for breaking the law and being in jail; no. To in any way show her that she is no longer loved by you because of this is wrong. After all she is you child.
Most all jail or prisons have a commissary where prisoners can purchase things that the jail or prison doesn't provide. Things such as snacks, writing material and approved over the counter products. Funding for the commissary comes for funds earned by the prisoner for jobs performed in the jail or prison or deposits made to the prisoners accounts by friends and loved ones.
If you wish to make a deposit to your daughters commissary fund I would suggest you contact the jail officials for how to go about this. Here again doing so is not an act of sympathy. It is an act of love and kindness to make being in jail a little more tolerable for your loved one.
We are all capable of making mistakes. Hopefully the mistakes we make are of the kind that don't land us in jail or prison. Your daughter has made a mistake and is paying the penalty for it. Does this penalty also include losing your love and affection as well?
That is the question I believe you are asking and my answer is no. Right now she needs your love and affection to make it through a very rough time in her life. She needs your love and affection to come out of jail and chart a proper course so as never again to return to whatever caused her to commit the fraud that put her in jail. The choice is yours though if she was my daughter I would find a way to be there for her ever visiting day at the start of visiting hours and stay until I could not be allowed to stay any longer.
Explain this to your younger daughter and encourager her to write her older sister. I would even suggest that you consider bringing your younger daughter along on some visits young. There is nothing like visiting a jail or prison to cement reasons not to break the law. We do this with at risk kids to show them what will happen to then if they continue to follow in the footstep of older friends and relatives.
13/f So I went to go see who kept calling my mom and it was my neighbour and I know wasn't supposed to do this as it is an invasion of privacy but I read her texts to my neighbour. Some of them said: you mashed me up, you fucking killed me last night, never have I been fucked like that before, I don't want to hear about anything have to do with sex or ducks for a long time. I got confused. Then I read some texts to my ain't and they said: I just ended it with my friend, can't do it anymore even though the sex was even better than with Shaun. Could my mom be cheating on my dad or is it all in my head?
It would appear that your mother is or was having an extramarital affair with the man next door. Even so it is not yours to confront your mother about. It is really something between her and your father. If he knows about it and has chosen to ignore it or forgive her that is up to him. Moms' sex life and marital affair(s) are her business not yours or your sisters.
Had you not been snooping you would not found out about her affair with the neighbor. To confront mom, as the previous writer suggests, tells her that you were snooping in to her private things, that you can't be trusted. That is the first thing she will come down on you for. Then she will come down on you for sticking your nose in to something you have no business in and could not possibly understand at your age.
When describing the word confront it means to attack. When you attack someone the will defend themselves. In the case of young child versus parent the best defence is a good offence. In you case that would be mom punishing you for snooping into her things and for challenging her on something that is none of your business.
There is no good outcome here for you in acknowledging to mom that you are aware of her infidelity. Neither is it going to be of any benefit to inform your dad.
My advices is try your best to ignore what you know. It appears mom has ended the affair. Treat mom as you always have and hope that dad never finds out. As long as what has happened has no ill effect against you and your sister nothing good can come from confronting or even acknowledging to your mom that you are aware of her affair.
sometimes i hear fing that are not there i.e im comeing to get you and no one cares adout you and whan you die no one will no your die no one like you e.t.c it gets me up set.
Hearing voices is not good or normal. If you are a teenager you need to tell your parents, especially if the voices are telling you to do things you should not be doing. If your parents are not home or do not believe you call 911.
If you are an adult, over 18, you should go to a hospital ER or call 911 and ask for help. If the voices are telling you to do things that you should not be doing or to harm yourself call 911 right away.
There are a lot of reasons people here voices. Sometimes it is just away to relieve stress or your mind telling you that you are over stressed. Whichever it may be you need to see a doctor and get help to relieve the stress. The depression the stress causes and help to silence the voices.
Talk to your parents if you need to and are under 18. If they are not available call 911. If you are over 18 go to a hospital emergency room or call 911 for help. Do it know.
I have recently began a pen-pal type friendship with an inmate in prison. It is through an actual pen-pal program that allows anyone (18 and over) to write letters to an inmate in prison to provide support, advice, and overall friendship for them since contact with the outside world is rare. For Christmas, I planned on sending him a card, but what would be another good item to send? I need something small, inexpensive and easy to ship, obviously that would also be allowed in prison?
Since so many items are considered contraband it would be hard to say what you could send to him that the prison would allow him to receive. I would suggest you call or write the prison asking for a list of approved gifts a prisoner may receive and select something from that list.
Okay well I'm 12 and I really like this guy he's 18 don't say he's to old because I'll never date him obviously me and him used to be really close but he sent me a pic of him in his underwear and told me to send 1 to him but didn't want to so I told his girlfriend(my role model she's 16)he found out and is telling me I must leave him alone and never talk to him again. How can I make it that me and him talk again? He told me the only way is to send a pic in my underwear but I don't want to :(
You need to talk to your parents about this. No he is not black mailing you he is sexually harassing you which is also a crime. By sending him the photo you sent he is now in possession of child pornography, also a crime. Do not send him any more pictures and do not speak, text or communicate with him anymore.
By sexually harassing you he may also be guilty of other crimes against you such as statutory rape. Statutory rape is when someone an adult which he is, has an illegal relationship with a minor which you are. Sex does not have to be involved.
You have really done nothing wrong other than to try and handle something that you are not old enough or mature enough to handle. You need to tell you parents what this adult boy is saying and asking of you and let them handle it.
This adult boy needs to be reported to the police. This is what you're parents have to do for you. You could report this on your own to the police but it would be better left to your parents to make the initial report.
Again DO NOT TALK TO HIM, DO NOT TEXT HIM AND DO NOT SEND HIM ANY PICTURES. TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS NOW, TODAY AND LET THEM HANDLE THIS. MOST IMPORTANTLY REMEMBER YOU ARE A VICTIM AND HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
sorry this is super long, i just overflowed... i always come here for my deepest problems. i'd greatly appreciate any help, you don't even know. nobody else but you guys to help me out
I've never felt that close with other people. It's so easy for me to strike up a conversation with anyone, but I'm horrible at maintaining and developing them. Most people I knew throughout school were just varying degrees of acquaintance. It seemed the older I got, the harder it was for me to form close bonds. I had 3-4 best friends in elementary school and that's the most I've ever had.
I just started college, and senior year of high school was hell. High school just got worse and worse for me, and it affected my grades because not having a social outlet made me depressed, cause I'm actually an extrovert who wants to do things with others. But I feel cause of the hurt I experienced it's just hard to let things go.
I don't know what I did wrong to repel people, unless it was just me repelling others. Socially awkward and all, through lack of experiences. many experiences people see as normal, like "hanging out" or "seeing a movie" were huge to me, cause they were extremely rare. and thus, gave me anxiety
I see myself as above average in looks, am a size 8 dress size (mainly cause of my big bum), and friendly to others. It's hard for me to accept help from others or idk.. just get emotionally close. very hard. I'd rather avoid it, even if it ends up hurting me. i doubt friendships, whether they're genuine or not. my family loves me but I want to experience love from someone who didn't have to just cause of blood relations, or we're the same ethnicity.
I criticize myself way more than anyone else.. but at the same time, when I look in the mirror I like how I look. I love my facial features, and would only want to lose some weight, which is achievable. but that's another problem.. being able to commit to long term goals, and not give up without even trying
I don't know, I just feel so conflicted. I've tried seeing a counselor in school but I only visit sporadically.. I don't know why I'm doing so many things against my own best interest, like procrastinating for example, when it's against my dreams. but whats the point of getting my dream career when I can't experience love along the way?
i mean, im human, i have human desires. I've never even been asked out and yet I'd love to be in love and be loved back and you know, the physical stuff that goes with all that. like physical expression of love (and, well, lust). I mean, if I could get with a guy who really got me, and we fell in love, I can say with certainly I'd be kind of a freak..
I just feel like a big weirdo cause it's so easy for other people to maintain friendships and it's a great labor for me. I dont even like talking on the phone, cause maybe I've adapted to it.. but I've always envied people who had lots of friends and did stuff, while I just stayed at home on the computer or reading a book. but i rarely got invited anywhere, especially when i moved to a new town my sophomore year. I even crushed on a guy my senior year but was too afraid to say anything, and now it's all over. never went to homecoming or prom, just to avoid the awkwardness of having nobody to really hang out with. i was never asked to go with anyone, so how could i just show up and spend the night with people i'm not sure wanted to really hang with me?
i just feel like i totally ruined my teen years and its hard to just "get over it". idk why this had to happen and how im supposed to move on and become a better person when other people have experienced far more than I have.. I mean, it's seen as weird to never have gone on a date or anything, and the other friend issues i have..
and it's the most annoying thing when people compliment me for being a virgin (implied, since i've never had a boyfriend), like as if im saving myself or something. um, no, just cause i'm a virgin doesn't mean i'm a prude who rejected tons of offers. i've never been in anything close to love. i've just had crushes at most, stupid attractions that never went anywhere and just caused me pain. i'd gladly lose my virginity to someone i was in love with. i'm christian I guess, but the whole marriage thing isn't a big deal to me. If I lost my virginity to someone I was in love with, I wouldn't regret it, even if the relationship were to end
i guess this is why it's so much easier for me to form friendships online.. cause i can stop talking at any time. but as i've grown older i've found myself distancing more.. and after not talking for months how can i just start resuming talking? many facebook "friends", but who's really a friend? and yet i can't delete people..
I'm not sure if I have ever answered you before though what you have written does sound like something I have answered before.
Distancing is a safety net we have and we all use to keep from being hurt.
You had friends all through elementary and middle school then suddenly in your sophomore year you are this giant piranha. What happened, you moved to a new town is what happened and the new town dumped you in to a new school at the worst possible time for teenagers. Right in the middle of the biggest changes in their lives.
They and puberty have started to adjust to each other. For girls their bodies are starting to look like they want their bodies to look like. It time to have real social lives. For you all the time you have spent building the network of friends from which to build and grow a social life with has suddenly been jerked out from under you.
You did not say why you moved to a new town. The biggest reason for doing so is dad was transferred to a new location or found a new job. Parents know how disruptful this is to their children's lives but they justify this with the thoughts that children are resilient. For the most part they are with one exception. The awkward years of high school. We fail to realize the years spent building to this point and the meaning it has.
We think the ease at which you made friends all through your school years will happen again; it doesn't. Not because you don't want to but because the others really don't want to let you in. You may be prettier then they are and they don't want the competition. Maybe your smarter as well. It is really hard to make new friends when you're the new kid on the block in high school so out comes the safety net.
But, just you don't hate it when we pull out that word, the field is level again. In college you are all the new kids on the block. For the most part that is. Sure maybe a few of you are friends from high school but for the most part you are all new to each other and you need to form new friendships and circles of influence.
What you need to do is tear down that safety net you took three years building for yourself. It won't be easy at first but I have confidence in the fact that I know you can do it. What you need to do is find some activities where your interests and the others are the same.
To start with you can join study groups. The interest there is of course the subject matter and passing the course. At the very least it gives you some common ground on which to talk to each other and that is an ice breaker. Then look for clubs and activities on campus that are of interest to you. Examples of which would be drama clubs, photo clubs, book clubs, social activism and others. Once again the object is to find common ground on which to have discussions. It is a lot easier to talk with someone when you have a common interest.
When answering other types of question, usually of the sexual nature. I usually include something to the effect that good looks and sex appeal only go so far. One morning you actual will wake up and have to talk to each other. Having common interest lets people know the real you. The person behind the good looks and sex appeal. That is the man who will sweep you off your feet and make a life with you. He will also value your virginity that you have saved for him.
My advice is this. Start looking for activities and clubs that interest you and start joining in them. Start breaking down that wall you have built around you to protect you. I know you can do this once you put your mind to this.
The problem you write about is not weird, it not strange and it is unfortunately not all that uncommon. There are many, boys and girls that have gone through and going through the exact same thing as you; for the same reasons you have. So stand up straight, square your shoulders and go out there and take full advantage of what college life has to offer you.
By the way while you say that from your appearance you are a beautiful person. I can tell from your writing that inwardly as well you are a beautiful person too. The man that finally finds you is going to a very lucky person.
Would you be able to send me the plan you stuck to for dealing with your agoraphobia?
My email address is americaneaglesa@hotmail.com
Thank you
Agoraphobia is a panic disorder characterized by an irrational fear of leaving a familiar surrounding. There are different levels of this disorder and different symptoms as well. The most severe symptoms cause chest pains and breathing disorders when someone with this disorder attempts to leave a familiar place.
This type of disorder requires professional help to overcome and possibly medication. Panic attacks have triggers. What triggers your panic attack may not trigger someone else's therefore what treatment or plan they may have used to deal with this disorder will not work for you.
If you are under 18 and feel you suffer from this disorder I urge you to speak to your parents about seeking a doctors help. If you are over 18 then you need to seek a doctors help.
The proper doctor to seek help from is a psychiatrist, not that your crazy. It is because that an imbalance in chemicals secreted in the brain can be a cause of the panic attacks you are suffering.
A Board Certified psychiatrist is the doctor best trained to deal with this problem. Family doctors are trained to identify the problem and may be able to help with initial medications. For complete recovery a properly trained psychiatrist is the doctor you want treating you.
How do I touch this one girls butt im 11 but her butt looks so good
You don't. First it is not polite to touch a girls butt or anything else without permission. Second doing so is sexual harassment and sexual assault both of which, even at your age, will not be tolerated in school and by the law.
The appropriate way to touch a girl is to hold her hand, put your arm around her waist or her shoulders; with her permission. To touch her in any other manner is wrong and could get you in big trouble.
Okay so I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I have to do a project where I have to job shadow someone in a career field that I'm interested. Well, I have two offers and I can't decide which to do.
The first one is job shadowing a local book publisher. I'm interested in this because I absolutely look books/reading and would love to have a future career involving them somehow, so I thought this would be an interesting thing to learn about and see if I'm interested.
THe other option I have is to job shadow someone from UCR who works in the international students department. I love foreign languages, culture, etc., and also think this would be extremely interesting. Over the summer I volunteered at a college with foreign exchange students and had a great time. I'm not entirely sure what I would classify this career as, though.
I love both ideas and would love to do both as my project, but I can only do one, and I'm not sure which is the right choice. I know I can still probably do them without doing it for my project, but I just can't decide which to do for my project. Any advice? Opinions?
The purpose with job shadowing and this assignment is to find out more, in this instance, about careers that interest you. If you have more than one interest and the time to properly job shadow those interest and still write a proper report? Then I suggest you do so.
The assignment is to write a report about a about job shadowing someone in a career fields that interests you. This does not mean you have to pick just one career field to job shadow to write the report. Neither does it mean if you do pick just one career field to job shadow that your report has to be a positive report.
I Remember when I was your age we went up to the vo-tech high school to tour. I was my intention to spend the day in one area only to find that career did not meet my expectations. I was given the opportunity to go into another area I had not given much thought about only to find this was an area I preferred.
Since I had selected one area to tour my report on that area was in the negative I ended my report with I had found an area more to my liking and would be looking more into that area as a career field. If I remember correctly I not only received a fairly good grade for the report but my report was used as an example of why we are sent to the vo-tech school for tours even if we did not intend to transfer there for High School.
Short answer to your question. Job shadow as many jobs as you can handle and still have enough time to right a proper report. In your report you can say that you had two careers that interested you and job shadowed both in order to write your report. Then if the career you thought you wanted changed because of your job shadowing you can explain or just explain how your job shadowing of your first choice cemented your decision.
What's it mean when you nut blood?
It means you need to see a Urologist and ASAP.
Blood in you semen is not right and must be checked out. It can be something as simple as a ruptured blood vessel or something far more serious. Only a Urologist can make that determination.
If you ever plan on fathering children then do not waste time in getting to this type of doctor. You can call your family doctor for a referral or call your local hospital patient referral line for an appointment to see a Urologist.
Just tell them you found blood in your semen and they will find you the first available appointment. Do this now as the holidays are coming up and doctors schedules are not as available during those time.
So I got home from school today ANSI went to the bathroom and I saw this squishy whitish stuff on my underwear. There was a brownish looking thing outlining it. Am I spotting or have an infection . Please tell me so I can stop worrying. Anything will do. Thanks!
This is not something any of us can answer properly over the web. None of us are doctors and each of you, as women are different.
Whatever is happening to you is part of a natural body function, even if it is an infection. What I recommend is talking to your mother. She knows you best and being your mother her body is going to perform closer to yours than anyone else.
What you are experiencing has nothing to do with sex other than it has to do with your reproductive system. There is no reason to be embarrassed. If you had a sore throat or were coughing up mucus you would go to your mother for help. What you are talking about is really no different. It is a bodily function that might require a doctors intervention.
So talk to mom; ask her to come to your room or ask her if you two can speak in private in her room. Then tell her what is going on. Vaginal infections are not the result of having sex. Mom may ask and you can answer as you think best. Though from what your describe I doubt she will ask as it sounds like you have some type of yeast infection. Very common for young girls.
If mom is not in the picture talk to dad. As you can see I am a male and having been married for as long as I have I am quite familiar with certain female problems. Most if not all married men are.
Most importantly though is you need to speak to one of your parents and be seen by a gynecologist.
Hi,
So I've never had an issue with the size of my penis. However, I always hear that women like well endowed men, and I have been told a few times that I am "small". Its starting to become an real issue for me now. I feel realy self concious about it when I'm around my girlfriend. She's said its ok, but I still seem to worry.
What are some safe and proven ways to make it bigger?
'Excercises' dont seem to do too much, and surgery seems really radical.
Pills sound like they work, but I am really reluctant to start taking. Are there any pills that are proven safe, effective? And do they make permenant changes (or does it go small again when you stop taking them for a month?)?
Thanks for your help and advice in advance
Rooimag is right. The only opinion that counts is your girlfriend. If she is satisfied or if you are able to satisfy her during sex then be happy.
Remember your penis has two functions. The first is to empty your bladder of Urine. The second is to deliver sperm to fertilize an egg. If your penis is capable of doing both of these functions you are adequately endowed to perform.
The following is from an article I found when answering similar questions. As you will see any penis larger than what a vagina is capable of accommodating can only harm or be hurtful to the women. A man who is overly endowed has to be careful when having relations with a women as not to hurt or harm them. So it is really beneficial to be average.
According to the latest Ansel Research Survey; the average male penis when erect is between 5.1 & 5.9 inches long.
Keep in mind that this is the average, the middle between the largest and the smallest, above the micro-penis (below 2 inches in length). The survey states that size varies based on age, time of day, level of excitement and ambient temperature.
What you are born with is what you have. There is no way to enhance, or enlarge a penis even with surgery. Penile surgery is usually done to assist those with erectile dysfunction when there is no other medical solution that will help.
Average Vagina Size
Relaxed
Length 3 1/2 to 4 inches
Diameter 1 Inch
Aroused
Length ("tented) 5 to 6 inches
Diameter 1 1/2 to 2 inches
As you can see by the size chart of the average female vagina. Any penis over 6 inches in length and 2 inches in girth is larger than the average vagina can easily accommodate. A larger penis will cause a woman with an average sized vagina pain during intercourse, especially if the male is not a thoughtful and considerate lover.
My down area has smells very bad and very much discharg all the time from it . My hubby complaints me for this so what should I do to make that area freshy and tasty.
I would recommend you see a gynecologist. You should not be having a discharge from your vagina that causes a distasteful or obnoxious smell. This could be a sign of a vaginal infection.
When you see your gynecologist you should also ask about your other question,"what should I do to make that area freshy and tasty." Don't be embarrassed about this your doctor has heard this before and far more embarrassing questions I'm sure.
Once your doctor has examined you, found out and treated you of you have an infection or not. The doctor can then advise you on you other question.
There are any number of free women clinics you can
go to for examination treatment should you not have health insurance. You can look on the web or in your local newspaper or telephone book for them.
I am 16 years old girl and my boyfriend is almost 19, we are both not virgins but yet it is our first time together. I want to get pregnant but he wants to use a condom. Is there a way for me to get pregnant even though he is gonna wear a condom?
The other advisers have done a good job of talking about how wrong it is to trick him into fathering a child for you and how wrong it is for you to become pregnant at your age.
One adviser touched on one issue, that is it is wrong for a 19 year old to be dating and having sex with a 16 year old.
Lets assume for a moment you are successful at tricking him into getting you pregnant. The likelihood of him being able to parent the child, no matter how much he may want to, could be quite hard from a prison cell.
In every state in this country and most developed countries of the world you're under the age of consent. Meaning you cannot legally agree to have sex with anyone. He is over the age of 18, an adult in the eyes of the law. He 3 years older than you making him subject to arrest and prosecution for statutory rape. Statutory rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with someone his age dating someone your age. The fact that he impregnated you just adds charges to this crimes even if you admit to tricking him.
Remember the first part of his crime is dating someone 3 years younger then him and then you consenting to something you legally cannot consent to. By the time they finish adding up the charges he will be lucky to get out of prison in time to see his grandchildren graduate College.
Oh that's right your not going to report him are you? What about your parents? They are going to be none to pleased with you becoming pregnant. Finding out that you are see and having sex with someone as old as this man is. Your parents are going to want justice. Even if you refuse to tell them who he is the police will most likely find him and the state will prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law.
How do I know this? Simple I am old enough to be your grandfather. Even though I am very liberal in my views on teenage sex if you were my daughter or granddaughter I would want this man prosecuted. Not because he impregnated you, even if you admit to tricking him,it would be all on you. I would want him prosecuted for he should know better to date and have sex with someone your age. There are reasons people his age seek out girls your age and they are all the wrong reasons. That's why your parents will want justice.
Hi. I have my period on 10/20/12 and it ended on 10/24/12, my length period is 32. So, I have unprotected sex with my boyfriend on 10/28/12 could I be pregnant.
You should be coming close to having your next period though the stress of worrying about whether or not your pregnant could cause it to be delayed or missed altogether.
Should your period come on its normal schedule or a few days late then you are not pregnant. Taking a home pregnancy test now is a reliable way of finding out if your pregnant. Buy two tests. If the first one is positive wait a day or two and test again. If they are both positive see a doctor for a blood test.
There are two good reasons why you should not have unprotected sex. The first of course is that a condom when worn correctly by the boy is 85% effective at preventing pregnancy. The second is STDS. Condoms while not blocking all STDS do block many of them. It is for your own health that you take all precautions you can to prevent getting an STD or AIDS virus from sex.
If you are 14 or over a law called HIPPA allows for you to see a doctor for any and all reasons concerning your reproductive health without parental knowledge or permission.
Congress passed this law so that Young people such as yourself would seek medical help for any problems related to their reproductive health knowing their parents could never know what they are being treated, or seen for by the doctor.
You have total medical confidentiality in this regard. Without your written permission the doctor cannot release information to anyone and this includes your parents. This law also means mom, dad or guardian cannot force their way into an examination room with you unless invited by you. All you have to say to the doctor is you invoke your rights under HIPPA. The doctor will take it from there.
This also means that by being over 14 years of age you can ask for and receive birth control medication from your doctor. Here again your request and the prescription for along with the filling by the pharmacy is totally confidential.
Okay so i really just need to know the dating laws here. Im 14 and im inlove with a guy whos 18. We decided to wait until i was 16, because were pretty sure thats the legal age, But i need to know the whole law system for dating. Please and thanks(:
I'm sorry but all I have for you is bad news. First you are below the age of consent in any state which is for the most part 17 or 18. Most states are adopting 18 as the age of consent.
Next is the four year difference in your ages. If he was a year younger or you a year older, by birth date, there is an exclusion many states have that would allow you two to date. That exclusion is less than 4 years difference in age so even if you were 16 the problem still exists.
Just associating with you can get him into huge amounts of trouble with the law. The biggest problem is called statutory rape. It makes no difference whether sex has taken place between you. The assumes it has and the older person is charged with rape. The penalty for this crime in many states can be any where from 15 years to life in prison.
I do have a problem with an 18 year old being interested in a 14 year old. There is something wrong here. You are way to young and far from mature enough to be dating someone 4 years older than you. This is not an insult, this is just a matter of age. There has to be a reason for him seeking out girls that much younger than him and the only reasons I can think of are not good ones.
I suggest you speak with your parents about this and let them advise you further. In the mean time stop seeing this boy. To continue to do so could cause you great harm.
So i have isolated myslef. Gained weight. Put a lot of pressure on my future sucess. but i believe i might be way to afraid to actually do anything about it, making it all happen. A friend of mine lent me a her box set of a tv show and i have been watching it non-stop. Litterally going through my day dreaming of the moment i can just get home and watch my show. I mean, my friends are great, my marks arent bad, but why would i feel so glum?
You have actually answered your own question; "Put a lot of pressure on my future success." This pressure equates to stress. Stress is the number one cause of depression, glum feeling.
Now just how depressed are you? I'm not a doctor so I cannot say. There are a number of factors that need to be evaluated to make a determination as to diagnose depression as clinical depression. This requires screening by a qualified MD. The screening is painless and non-invasive as it consists of a number of questions the doctor will ask of you either in a written evaluation or by speaking with you.
What needs to happen is to be evaluated for depression. If you are just mildly depressed or clinically depressed there are things your doctor can do or recommend to help you.
What you need to do is schedule a visit with your family doctor. Just tell your doctor what you wrote to us. If your under 18 you will most likely need your parents permission to see your doctor. This should not be a problem for you if you explain to them how you are feeling. I'm sure they have noticed how you have isolated yourself and other changes in you. They may be reluctant to bring up with you for any number of reasons. So talk with them if need be and see a doctor.
17/f
I don't know if this is weird or normal, maybe someone can tell me. After every break up with a boyfriend I can't stand the sight of a guy for months, which is probably normal, but then I start looking at girls and finding them really attractive. I've always considered myself straight, and I'm never attracted to girls, only in the months following a break up. Then I go back to being my straight self not even looking at girls, and I can't even think of being involved with one. Maybe it's the anger I have after being lied to and dumped by so many guys, I can't stand the sight of one and instead wanna go to the girls. I'm really confused if someone could explain why I feel that way or if they've gone through the same thing and it's normal I would appreciate it. Thank you
From my none medical point of view I think your normal.
My wife and I know a couple of women, one of whom is her boss, who after her divorce went lesbian or bi as she will on occasion have sex with a man. She lives in a committed relationship with another divorced women and they both have their children living with them.
As for their occasion liaisons with me? They both say they occasionally fell the need that only a male can fulfil. But as a steady diet, after the hurt of their marriages and divorces they have no desire for a relationship with men.
I tell you this as an example of how your feeling from my point of view are to me, very normal and nothing to be concerned about. Break ups hurt and to look for love in what you are feeling are all the wrong places are really not wrong.
Then there is the fact that you are only 17. Still a sexually confusing time for many teenagers. You did not say if you have ever had a sexual relationship only that you felt attracted to other girls post break up.
To me this is normal. Your hurting and your attraction to girls during this period is a safe haven; one were you feel you will not be hurt again. As the hurt goes away you are more willing to dive back into the pool of boys and the desire for female companionship goes away. I would not worry. Just enjoy being you.
Ok so, I am a 22 year old Female, and I have been dating a guy for about 9 months now, and he is my first “Official” boyfriend (my first love) and I have the deepest fear of him either A. Leaving me or B. Cheating on me.
Before having a boyfriend I was ridiculously easy going and optimistic! And now it’s like I believe that he is obviously going to hurt me, as it is said that 35% of people cheat. I never used to be like this. Growing up having an alcoholic mother who accuses absolutely any man she has ever been with, including my father (who has sworn to me he never did.) But they went through a nasty divorce for duration of 10 years; my three sisters and I were all in the middle of it. My mother in the midst of the divorce started using drugs, and alcohol to cope we weren’t too well taken care of (she is a kind person, but just sick is all.) The lack of being cared for wasn’t all bad, as it made me a very strong individual; I’m independent, kind, and very loving. But I can’t seem to shake my fear.
Fortunately he is beyond understanding (but for how long?), and has done little to betray my trust. But If I continue not trusting him, our relationship will fail, and I will lose him by rebuilding the wall I put down, and pushing him away (which is another one of my fears of losing him.)
P.S When I tell him how I feel he often cries, and tells me he loves me, and wants to be with me forever, he says he wouldn’t ever abandoned me (he and I have has similar up bringing’s his childhood wasn’t easy either) What is wrong? How can I conquer my issues? Please any advice will be considered!!
From what you have written you childhood equates to being abused and abandoned by your parents in their 10 year duration to divorce. Nothing I can say here in the space or manner provided will reverse these years of abuse. This is why you built that wall.
Once you loose trust in someone or everyone it is hard to regain that trust. You had ten years living behind the wall you built. You really haven't torn it down, you've opened a doorway to let this boy in. This to me is a good start. He does sound like the type of guy you can trust and make a life with.
Before you do so, I don't think from what you have written you will chase this guy away that easily, you need to fully tear down that wall. To do this you need more help then we can give you. You need the help of a qualified therapist, a psychologist to help you with the your problems.
You need to find a therapist you can trust. Someone you are comfortable with to talk with about everything, your deepest and darkest secrets. Knowing that what you say in therapy stays in therapy between you and the therapist.
If you are thinking therapy is just for the mentally ill; forget that. Many times in order to move forward we need to unburden some of the baggage that has built up over the years. As I said your parents long term divorcing has caused you to build a wall of protection to protect yourself from the abuse their divorce has caused you.
This is a natural defence mechanism. The problem comes in when you no longer needed it you don't know how to live without it. This where talking with someone who is not intimately involved with you helps. Someone who can help you knock down the wall or walk through the door you have opened to allow this young man into your life.
In short; find a therapist to talk to. Your family doctor may be of help in finding one for you.
I'm 19 years and been really skinny and somehow ever since I've been down with diseases I havnt gained my shape or gotten better,and fact that in short I look about five years younger!help what do I eat to kinda get my thighs and ass back on?all suggestions welcome please
You have not said how long it has been since you regained your health. It takes time after a serious illness for the body to regulate itself and repair any damage an illness and the medications may have done. This is what the body does first; repair itself internally.
While I am more skilled at advising people how to loose weight. Gaining weigh is just as hard and just as long a process. You start by talking with your doctor about what type of calorie count you need to take in based on your daily activities. Then break that count up over the 3 balanced meals and 2 snacks a day.
Breakfast as the saying goes is the most important meal of the day so you want to kick the day of with a fairly high calorie count as high as 25% of what you daily intake should be. Lunch could be another 15% to 20%. Afternoon snack the difference between lunch calories and 25% of total. Dinner would be another 35% to 40 with you evening snack making up the difference in what is missing to make 100%, you can be flexible with these numbers they are only an example. If you go over one day that's fine don't subtract it from the next day. If your under one day do add the missing calories in the next day if you can.
Most important is to eat 3 balanced meals which include the 5 important dietary items each day. You can also exercise while gaining weight to tone your body while doing so. Remember two things if you do. First: You have to account for your exercising in your calorie count and add in more calories. Second: Muscle weighs more than fat so if you build muscle you will gain weight faster without looking fat. Also let your doctor know what you are doing so he/she can monitor you while you are doing this. It is very important that the doctor monitor you while you gain or loose weight.
Products like Ensure will help and can be an excellent afternoon snack you can carry with you and have in school if you need to do so.