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Hi. I left and came back. But I don't like this column anymore. Check out my new column.

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advice

Hi i'm a 14 year old girl (dunno if i need that but ok) and i was wondering about some really good ab exercises and also somthing to get rid of the fat around my hip (love handle :p) any ideas?

Do yoga! I just started it and we started out with abs right away. What we do is put our legs straight in the air and do a bunch of rather difficult (for me, anyway) things. I wouldn't do it by yourself, though, so maybe look into going to a yoga class. I'm lucky enough to have one in my school. Also walk or run everyday.

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What happened to a sense of right and wrong?
Why is world based on relativism?
Does anyone else think that wrong is wrong no matter what?
Does anyone else wish that you could still challenge people to a duel for questioning your honor and integrity?
What happened to chivalry?
What happened to living for justice?
Why do I feel like I'm the only person who still believes in these things?

What happened to a sense of right and wrong? -Nothing. Most people have it, some don't because they're mentally ill.

Why is world based on relativism? -Because people have prejudices.

Does anyone else think that wrong is wrong no matter what? -No. Well, I don't. There are shades of gray, as well as grey, and also many different colors. You've made mistakes, I'm sure, and done things that are pretty bad. But you got a second chance because people make mistakes. That's just what we do.

Does anyone else wish that you could still challenge people to a duel for questioning your honor and integrity? -Sometimes. But that's what video games are for!

What happened to chivalry? -Feminism. =D

What happened to living for justice? -Bah. I don't think anybody ever did. They have the mentality that justice is always for other people, but when they commit a crime, they deserve to get away with it.

Why do I feel like I'm the only person who still believes in these things? -You are probably fed up with life and the people around you, so you cling to a fantasy world. I'm pretty sure everybody does that, you just have to know how to seperate reality from the fantasy. You can't change how everybody thinks, so it's best to just accept that and live the best way you can. Dropping the holier-than-thou attitude helps (sorry, but 'honorable' and 'honest' do share a root!).

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Do u think im too young for sex? I WANT TO SOOOOOO BADDDDDDDD! uhhhh..hes 17, but he promises me i wouldnt get pregnant if we used a condom in he took it out before he cummed in me..is that true?

Okay, everybody "wants it soooooooo badddddddddd". It's only natural. But you can and probably should wait. I have no right to tell you what to do, this is just my advice. But my personal belief is that if you HAVE to ask, then you're not ready. And also that you, while physically ready for sex, are not emotionally ready to handle it (and sex is a hugely emotional thing). And NO, that doesn't ensure that you won't get pregnant. It says right on the package that condoms are breakable and don't 100% protect you from STDs and pregnancy. Pulling out doesn't work AT ALL, because pre-ejaculate also contains sperm. Don't do something you'll regret; you can wait. If you find you really just can't go another day without sex, masturbate. And if you say no, and this guy still tries to pressure you into it, you can politely advise him to do the same.

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Quick please.
Why is it good that the brain is insensitive to pain? any good answer gets a 5 please help me!

Because we think constantly. If our brain could feel the pain of our thoughts, we would be screaming in agony forever. Also, it would waste a lot of anesthetic since neurosurgeons would have to put people to sleep every time they did brain surgery. Also, I don't think the brain would be able to handle the rest of the body if it was too busy trying to comfort itself.

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i'm a girl, and i'm 16 and i never used to masturbate but i recently discovered it.

however i feel that i'm the only girl that does it and i am embarassed by this fact. do a lot of girls do it? i know no-one will talk about it, and its probably not as common as with guys, but i'd like to think i'm not alone out there. :(

also -- i think i get close to orgasm, but i always stop myself because i'm afraid of making too much noise (i live with my parents) i start to shake and feel a bit "dizzy" does this mean i'm close? should i just go with the flow when this happens?

sorry for all the questions. thanks for all your help.

Girls who say they don't do it are lying. Don't worry, it's not possible to be the only girl who does. We don't talk about it as much because we are told that it's dirty and wrong, though on the other hand I would actually prefer it if most guys started thinking this way, atleast in public. But anyway, it is normal.

www.the-clitoris.com and www.scarleteen.com have a lot of information.

Anyway, I think you should just go with the flow when you feel this way. For some women it might be different but I've found that when I orgasm, I don't make noise. It's completely voluntary. I can make noise, and it's really fun to do so, but walls are thin in my house so usually I keep it quiet. Though I'm sure if I was getting some really amazing godly sex, I might not be able to control it. But I think in that situation, one wouldn't need to worry about disturbing anyone else.

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Is it common for girls to not be attracted to guys (age 14)? They all seem too immature in school and I'm not like those other girls that think every dude is "hot". I'm not concerned about this, I don't care If I have a bf or not but I was just wondering if this is common (and I'm not gay, I know that). It's a bit hard to explain in detail but in short, guys aren't intresting... At least not yet.

It's normal. The guys around you just aren't what attract you. Everybody finds different things attractive, you just need to wait a few years or a change of scenery. I'm not attracted to any of the guys I know, and I know a lot.

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im 13/f. My boyfriend beats on me. I have marks and scars on my arms and legs from him. Im a cheerleader so they always show. I really like him but i hate him when he does this to me. What should i do?

**sleepiesheep**

There is NOTHING you can do to change him, no matter how much love you give him or how nice you are. The best thing you can do is break up with him right now and never look back. He has NO right to do that to you. I'm sure everybody else has already said this, but really, it can't be stressed enough.

Since I've never personally dealt with it, I don't know what else to say except for that. If you want more information try: http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm

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I have a great girlfriend, one I've been going out for nearly three years now. We have never really fought or argued or been mad at each other or anything. We both have problems here and there with school and home, but small ones with each other. I do need advice on that though...See, my teacher once told me two years ago that most if not all guys will hear a girl tell her problem and then go to try and solve it, when really the girl just wanted him to listen and hear her out. Is that true? Sometimes I find myself doing that, even after thinking about what my teacher said. So my question is...does being a listener and just talking about a problem count just as much as trying to come up with a solution. For these kinds of problems I mean things like: yeah my friends did this to me; I'm not sure what to do about this sport; I feel a certain way when ___; etc. It does seem that half the time she tells me something, I right away try to come up with a solution or tell her what to do about it. It usually ends up falling right back in my face, or making her feel upset. Would you (girls) appreciate it more if the guy that was there...helped out with a solution, just listened to you about it and talked to you about it, or a little of each. Thanks, I would really appreciate it.

I would prefer it if he just listened. I can come up with a solution on my own, but I would be feeling pretty bad about the situation and probably just plain unwilling to do anything. If I went to anyone, not even my boyfriend, I would prefer it if they heard me out and then assured me that it would be okay. And if it was my boyfriend and he just right away came up with a solution, I would feel like he didn't care and that he was just giving me an answer so we could stop talking about it. I'm not saying that's what you do, that's just how I would feel in that situation.

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17/f
My boyfriend's favorite animal is a cow, and we have inside jokes about it. I was thinking of getting him a stuffed cow and chocolates for Valentines Day. But I was wondering, do guys like getting stuffed animals from girls? I mean he's kind of like a "man's man." And I've been dating him for 5 months, so do you think chocolates and a stuffed cow would be enough? Or should I get him more? Or maybe make him dinner along with the stuffed cow and chocolates? Or would that be too much? Help!

I think the cow and chocolates is a great idea. Since you joke about it, it's something that connects you. It's very sweet. Some guys like stuffed animals and some don't, but in this case I think he would love it because it's from you and because of the signifigance in it. I wouldn't do the dinner--I think that's a little too intimate for this stage in your relationship. So just go with the original plan, I think it's perfect.

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umm i like this kid Gibson sooo much and he asked me to semi formal dance but he couldnt go (ironic) but he asked me to the next dance also. is this a sign he likes me? or how do i get him to like me?? thanx a bunch

I don't think he would ask you if he didn't like you! So just go for it.

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Female, 21
I was recently dating a guy I thought I really clicked with. He talked about our future on several occasions, and he really seemed to be interested in me (like I said, we clicked, and not just on my end). He recieved a promotion that requires him to take frequent business trips, though, and he says he can't start a new relationship right now, especially since there might be fights about it and he might ruin what might be in the future. To his credit, I did contact him with concern even when he told me he wouldn't be able to talk (I know for a fact he was quite busy). He also said he didn't want to deprive me of someone who could put in enough time to be a real boyfriend. He also said he's not going anywhere and has kept me posted on major events in his life. So, is he to be believed? Should I get over him? Should I date around and wait (he said it will be super busy for about 7 months)? Should I just wait? I really feel like this is the guy for me, and I'm trying to keep the faith, but I feel obsessive for believing what may be a line. Help?

If he was a deceitful guy, he wouldn't have come out and told you this. So, yes, believe him. Now, I was once told that if a guy was a jerk, he will let you know. You just have to be paying attention. This guy sounds very nice, but I think that was his way of telling you that he was, not technically a jerk, but atleast not right for you. Some guys are worth waiting for, some aren't. If he comes right out and SAYS that he isn't, then I think you should believe him. None of this makes him a bad guy, of course. He is really together for telling you this and not being a coward about it. I think you should find another guy (but make sure you remain friends with this one!) HOWEVER, if you truly think he's worth it, go ahead and wait for him.

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does anyone know of a website that you can post your poems on and get feedback?

fictionpress.com

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13/m. Okay, so there's this girl, and I like her, and she knows I like her. But she just likes me as a friend. No... like isn't strong enough a word. But I can't say love, because everyone says that teens don't know love. But isn't infatuation a necessary part of our lives? (Besides, it's been so long that I've liked her, it's not quite love anymore...)

Background info on her: she's smart (I'm smart too), she's hyper (I'm hyper too). Um... yeah that's it.

So anydangways, I was reading her blog just now, and I was astonished to see that she was talking about how she needs a boyfriend, and single life sucks, and she wants a "hot cool british guy to un-single her. cuz brits r cool." I know she thinks guys are hot, but I didn't know that's what she looks for in a guy!!! Or that she tries to get a boyfriend for the sake of un-singling herself! I don't know what to do; before I know it she'll be taken, or perhaps she'll just never like me! Just because I'm too nerdy! Or any other reason! What should I do?

Plus: Valentine's Day is coming up soon, and I know I should do something special for her, but I don't know what! I've tried asking her out, and I told her my feelings, and she said back in August that she'd tell me whenever she, too, feels that way. So I want to respect her privacy by not rushing her, or telling her stuff again and again and again. I don't want to seem obnoxious. But I gotta do something, just to tell her that I still like her! What should I do? Please help!!!

Personally, I don't believe that "teenagers can't love". There are different kinds of love. You're not ready to get married and buy a house, but that doesn't mean you can't feel love.

Anyways, I know this type of girl. I was that type of girl for a long time. Setting high standards and wanting a guy just so I could be fulfilled. Trust me, you don't WANT her to go out with you (Well, you do. But you want her to do it because she likes you, not because you're there). Because the guy I went out with at this time? I didn't care about him at all. If I had given myself time, I might have fallen in love with him. But as it is, I ended up using him. I don't care about how he feels about this--he wasn't entirely honest with me either. But now I regret it because I was cheating myself by settling on the easiest guy I could find. You do NOT want to be that guy.

Unfortunately, you can't make her want to date you. But you are both still very young, and you've got a lot of time for romance and dating ahead of you. Don't rush it. You will probably have on and off crushes on her--that's how crushes are. You will both probably date a lot of different people. And though it may seem like she doesn't want you now, she'll come around. Puberty, hell as it is, sometimes has amazing results. I've seen guys who were skinny, weak little things and plump, acne-ridden dweebs turn into these gorgeous swimsuit calendar-like men. Not that looks are all that matters. I don't think this girl knows what she wants. That's totally normal. She's thirteen, she's not expected to know what she wants.

Here's another thing: what a girl says and what she really wants are often different. I will often say to my friends, "The only man I want is Heath Ledger. He's perfect." but I don't really think that, it's just a fantasy. If I actually set out to marry perfection, guess what? I'd die alone. One possibility is that she is baiting you. This is going to seem twisted, girls often are, but she might be saying that just to see your reaction. You should try to think of something snappy to say to her. I'm usually pretty good with that stuff, but right now I'm drawing a blank. Sorry!

Don't take it too seriously when she talks about her dream guy. She's just dreaming, and I'm sure she's aware of that.

And for Valentine's Day...hm...I would love to get a stuffed animal (preferably a bear, giraffe, or a duck) from a guy. Any guy. Even if he was just one of my guy friends. That would be SO sweet. I say go with the classic bear...it should have something to do with hearts but still be a normal teddy bear, not one of those pink shiny ones that talk. Those things are tasteless. Unless she likes them.

Oh, unless she hates stuffed animals, in which case...I can't think of anything because to me a stuffed animal is the perfect material gift. Better than diamonds, even. Hm...you COULD go with perfume, but make sure it's not generic and cheap and that it won't make her sick. And don't get anything called "Sex appeal" or "Love potion". Get something called, say, "Faery dust" or "Ocean breeze".

And don't panic. It's not the end of the world. Continue to be a good friend to her. Maybe you'll end up together and live happily ever after, maybe you won't. You're not entirely in control of the situation, sometimes things happen that we have no say in. But that doesn't mean to leave it entirely to fate. Keep at it, and it will work out eventually.

Good luck!

-Tasuki

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I technically can't "date" until I turn 16. I've had boyfriends before but not ones you actually go on single dates with and things like that. My parents are okay with that kind of thing, but what if a guy actually asks me out? What should I do then? Thanks!

Tell him that you're not allowed to do that. He'll understand.

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okay .. whenever i sign on advicenators, this gray page pops up and it says lyk how to activate your email or somthin .. yeah well its really anoying coz whenever i click on inbox or edit profile or w/e that pops up .... so my question is does anybody know what i can do to make that stop ? .. thanks

Go to your email. Find the e-mail from advicenators. Click the link. If you don't have an e-mail from advicenators, the grey page probably has something that says "CLICK HERE TO VERIFY YOUR E-MAIL!" or something like that. After you click that, you can do all the above things.

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For our one week of Winter Break, me, and my parents are going to California to visit my relatives. I want my best friend to come along.
She needs a place to stay for Winter Break cause her parents have to go to court [long story]Both our parents work for airlines so we'll fly for free. We'd stay at my g-ma's house [ so no hotel fee] Me and my bff have tried to go on several vacations together and my dad usually says yes but my mom ALWAYS says no. She gets mad when I ask and starts screaming. She said having my bff come along will just put stress on her.


How can I convince my mom that my friend should come to California with us? [ I need a resonable answer, that would be put in a sweet way. My mom can get very agrumentative and mean]

If your friend's parents approve of this, why not ask them to talk your mom about it? Technically, they are asking your mom to take care of their child for a while. So they should be the ones to bring it up.

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My mom has been smoking for a long time now. She smokes a pack a day and i want her to stop so she wont get cancer or anything. She says its really hard to stop and she already tried one of those stop smoking programs. How do i make her stop?

It really is hard to stop, and for many it is nearly impossible. Sadly, you can't make her do it. Even if it was just a matter of her wanting to do it, you wouldn't be able to force her to not want to do it. Sadly, it's even more difficult. She wants to stop, but the chemicals entered her brain a long time ago. She has a physical dependency on them. It is possible to overcome this, but it's usually by getting addicted to something else. You can't make her do it, but you can help her by giving her your encouragement and support. That's all you really can do.

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What exactly is a whore and a hoe ? ill rate for reasonable nice answers

A whore is a person who sells their body. That is, they are payed to have perform sexual acts. These people vary from gender, race, and age and are usually in this business because they had no where else to go. In many cases, they have been doing this since they were young children. They're pretty much looked down upon by most of society, though they've been around since before the written word.

A hoe is like a long stick with a flat peice of metal on the end. It is used to smooth out the dirt on a peice of land so that seeds can be planted. If you have ever read the Beatrix Potter books, you may have noticed that Mr. McGregor sometimes chases Peter Rabbit with his hoe (though he often prefers a rake).

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I have a simple question that could have a lot of answers. What is a girl's favorite scent on a guy? Specifically, please.

Rose or green apple.

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I'm taking a self-defense class at my school right now, and I LOVE it. I've never really thought about taking Martial arts before, but now I really want to. Would it be weird for me to start now? Do they have adult classes? I'm 16, so I don't know if that's too late or something. Also, which type of Martial arts would be the best?

It's never too late! Pretty much anywhere they teach martial arts, they have adult classes! I think now is a great time for you to start.

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