|
Does being a listener count just as much?
I have a great girlfriend, one I've been going out for nearly three years now. We have never really fought or argued or been mad at each other or anything. We both have problems here and there with school and home, but small ones with each other. I do need advice on that though...See, my teacher once told me two years ago that most if not all guys will hear a girl tell her problem and then go to try and solve it, when really the girl just wanted him to listen and hear her out. Is that true? Sometimes I find myself doing that, even after thinking about what my teacher said. So my question is...does being a listener and just talking about a problem count just as much as trying to come up with a solution. For these kinds of problems I mean things like: yeah my friends did this to me; I'm not sure what to do about this sport; I feel a certain way when ___; etc. It does seem that half the time she tells me something, I right away try to come up with a solution or tell her what to do about it. It usually ends up falling right back in my face, or making her feel upset. Would you (girls) appreciate it more if the guy that was there...helped out with a solution, just listened to you about it and talked to you about it, or a little of each. Thanks, I would really appreciate it.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
well personally as a girl, i like it when the guy just listens to me,because i may not tell the whole situation and then something bad could happen...but its also nice when the guy does try to help out the situation, but just make sure you know what you are doing before you try to help and make sure you know the whole story.. hope i helped <3 mandy
]
A little of both honestly. Be a listener to her let. Let her know your there to listen. If she needs someoen to hold her, hold her then. Just help out her, girls love it when a guys listens to them and helps out.
<3 Brittany
]
A little of both is best in my opinion. It depends on the problem. If she's having problems with friends or something, she may just want to rant as opposed to hunt for a solution. Sometimes a listener is really all we want, someone to hold us & kiss us & tell us it's going to be okay. Other times we do want a solution, so a mixture of both is your best bet.
]
Sometimes, people will come to you just wanting someone to listen to their situation, and to have a shoulder to cry on. Not all people need advice; some just need some support.
You should be both a listener and you should come up with solutions.
If you can't solve a problem, for instance, if it isn't something you're familiar with, or if it just simply can't be solved, that's when you should be the listener and supporter. That's when you let her know that you care for her and if she needs anyone to talk to, you will always be there for her.
If you know what to do to solve a problem, then there's nothing wrong with coming up with a solution.
So yes, your teacher was somewhat right. Most people would prefer guys that helped solve problems and listened.
I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥Manders
]
I think really it depends on what she is talking to you about, if she keeps saying "ya know?" or something, then she is just looking for someone to ramble too and she'll feel better after having a good listener, but i think a little bit of both is the best way, that is what I prefer even if i don't listen to the guy lol. If I were you, I would listen, then put in your own opinion,(specially if that is what she wants) while start it with saying something like "you don't have to really do to what i think, but I think you..." and throw our a couple ideas.
]
If your girlfriend doesn't ask you for advice, then it's best to just listen. That's hard for everyone to do, not just guys. Most times when someone goes to you to talk, then really just need to vent. Many times they already know what to do or what they should have done, but they need to vent and get their problems off of their chest.
Often times, if you tell her what she should have done, or what she should do, she might get mad at you for "telling her what to do" or "pointing out the obvious" We are all guilty of getting mad at someone for trying to help us because it made us feel like that person didn't think we were smart, or good enough to do the right thing in the first place. Either that, or she just doesn't want someone to tell her what to do.
Either way, you know that trying to fix her problems usually falls back in your face, so, simply stop trying to fix her problems and let her figure it out on her own.
When she comes to you, try as hard as you can to JUST listen. It might be hard at first, but soon, it will get easier and you'll be able to quench your "I'll fix all your problems" qualities sooner or later
]
Okay. In my opinion a guy who can just sit down and listen to his girlfriend is a pretty good guy to be with. Because think about it if your girlfriend never listened to you and always tryed to solve your problems, would you two still be together? Probably not, you would have probably got tired of her trying to fix your problems.
well the same goes for girls we like it when a guy can listen to us. I mean yes it's nice when your boyfriend does give you his opinions on how he would do things once in a while but i dont think that I could stand it if my boyfriend told me what to do 24/7.
A little of each is ok, but I would stick to more listening than solving. Because she probably just wants you to listen to her.
If I didnt help any than just go ask her if she wants you to listen more or solve her problems.
Lotz-o-Luv~Kay
]
well im a girl and usually im the girl they come 2 with problems ok usually all girls want is 4 you 2 listen sometimes if its really worrying them theyll repeat it and repeat it just listen 2 them lol and only give advice when they ask and are serious not like fuck man yeah i dont know what 2 do i really bla bla bla just give advice when they ask you straight out like what should i do??? andthen say if i were you id do this but and then think of a thing that may happen that is bad if they do that so when they come back because something went wrong you can say well i told you i wasnt certain everything would go right i just tried 2 give u the best advice possible and apologize 2 them the girl should apologize back because obviously its not your fault
]
Being a listener in my opinion, counts more. I had a boyfriend back in high school that always tried to come up with a solution to my problems. This really irritated me, it made me feel like I wasn't capable of coming up with a solution. What's more, if I'm telling him my problem it means that at the moment I cannot find a solution and I'm frustrated. So all he's doing (in my eyes) is belittling me. Like I can't come up with the solution...when in all probability I've already tried what his suggesting. And then there were times when I told him that I'd already tried, and he'd just say something along the lined of "well maybe you did it wrong, or you should try it again like this...etc" And that REALLY pisses me off.
But that's my personal opinion, your girlfriend could feel differently about it. You might want to consider asking her if it annoys her, and that way you'll know. But I think it's great that you're asking, and that you want to make the effort. More guys should do this. :)
]
I love it when guys can listen to what`s going on with me & everything. But it kind of ticks me off when the guy is telling me what to do. I enjoy his opinions, but if he`s at the point where commanding me to do something & just came up with a solution to shut me up ; i`d be pretty damn pissed. I love it when a guy trys and cheers me up too. Just listen to what she has to say and tell her everything is going to be fine & all that cute stuff ♥
]
I would prefer it if he just listened. I can come up with a solution on my own, but I would be feeling pretty bad about the situation and probably just plain unwilling to do anything. If I went to anyone, not even my boyfriend, I would prefer it if they heard me out and then assured me that it would be okay. And if it was my boyfriend and he just right away came up with a solution, I would feel like he didn't care and that he was just giving me an answer so we could stop talking about it. I'm not saying that's what you do, that's just how I would feel in that situation.
]
well, im a guy, but your girlfriend probably tells you her problems so that you can comfort her. most people -not only girls- appreciate people who try to cheer them up, and most also like knowing that they arent alone in a situation. just let her know that you are there for her, and that if she needs any help youll try your best to help her.
]
More Questions: |