SaturnMoonie's advice column

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Q: Is it normal for internet friends to last for as long as 6 years or longer? Do they usually end up meeting after a while? I have a friend who met this girl on Runescape when he was like 11 and they're still friends; he's 17 right now. I remember my internet friends only lasted a few months at the most...I just ended up changing my address and forgot to tell them...

Internet relationships are like real life relationships in the sense that some friendships last a few months and others last a few years. It all depends on how well the two people in question mesh.

Most of my online friendships last a few months. But there are a few that have lasted years.

I have this one friend, we have never met - she lives in Colorado and I live in Pennsylvania but she's one of the people I'm closest with. We chat, text, and talk on the phone. We have eachother's addresses - we send eachother birthday and Christmas gifts. It's weird to think that I have never met her because I feel like I know her so well, and I've seen so many pictures of her and her family that it feels like I see her all the time.

That type of online friendship is rare but it does happen.

Q: Alright so.. I'm just gonna jump right into it I guess.
throughout highschool I was in a relationship with someone that caused me a lot of pain and stress. we dated for four years and then ended on really bad terms. at the time, I thought I loved him, but in retrospect I definately did not. But I stayed with him because inside I was terrified that if I ended things, no one else would ever want me.
But eventually we did break up and to my suprise, people did want me. Lots of people in fact. I've dated around since (we broke up last April so I guess for around 10 or 11 months now) and for the most part being single has treated me really good
so good in fact that I really, really haven't been seeking a relationship at all. I'm normally very straightforward with my partners, in fact most of them know from the day I meet them that I'm not interested in being somebodies girlfriend. Just the idea of it makes me feel.. honestly physically sick. I look back on my relationship and see how twisted and poisonus it was, and how much he manipulated and controlled me over the course of those four years. I was very cut off from my friends and loved ones and it made it so hard to get out. I didn't feel valuable and I was sad all the time.
This, on top of some abuses in my childhood that I won't delve too much into, has made me really wary about every putting myself in a similar situation. I've been treated so poorly by men throughout my life & I've really reached a point of feeling like I can't trust people.
Anyways, so that brings me to my current situation. Around two months ago I started texting this guy.. we have a lot of mutual friends, and his number was in my cellphone so I just kinda randomly decided to start chatting him up. I knew who he was and had always thought he was pretty attractive and whatnot but never really gave him any thought because he was out of my league, as far as I was concerned.
But we instantly hit it off and just had so much to talk about. I really liked him right from the second I 'met' him, if you could call it that. Anyways I won't detail the whole courtship because no one wants to read that, but basically we ended up meeting, and chilling, and hooking up. It all happened very quickly and came so easily. It really felt natural and at the time soo good.
Since then, we've been seeing eachother every couple days for about a month and a half. when I see him, I normally spend the night, then most of the following day with him. we have a lot of sex (often three times per visit) and he is by far the best lover I've ever had. Plus we connect really well intellectually and we make eachother laugh constantly and everything just.. flows. There is an obvious emotional attachment that has been building up, enough that we both comment about it. Anyways, lately he has been dropping hints like crazy that he wants to be my boyfriend, and I feel like.. I should want to. Because I do want him. I can picture a future with him and I like it. I enjoy every minute of my time with him and when he goes away I feel so depressed, despite knowing I'll see him again soon. I talk to him every day, every opportunity I get, and we're constantly seeking out eachothers company and trying to align our schedules.
But I feel angry, sick, and absolutely terrified every time he says anything about a relationship. I warned him from the day we met that I didn't want one and now here he is, pressing me to be with him, and I like everything about him and I don't have an excuse but.. I just wanna run in the opposite direction as fast as I possibly can. If it were anybody else, if he hadn't already developed into a close friend and if I thought I wouldn't be destroyed if I lost him, I would have already bolted.
But all I want is for things to stay the same. And I feel him pressing and I don't know if he's gonna wait for me. And I'm not sure if I should even make him wait because he has been so great in every way, and more than I deserve, and he's soo much more attractive than me (lol I know it's shallow that it's a factor, but honestly, I couldn't have imagined that a guy like him would ever look at me. He's just so beautiful and I'm completely addicted to every inch of him and it makes it soo much harder to differentiate affection from lust..), and who knows if I'll ever find anyone so compatible to me agian? I mean I really have been blessed to meet him, and I think that sincerely. He's perfect and I just wish I could make myself fit together with him but.. I don't know how.
When I think about a relationship I still get that sickening, dreadful weight in my stomach. And when he suggests it I just feel like somethings horribly wrong and he wants to manipulate and control me in just that same way. Even though from everything I've learned about him, he would never do that and doesn't even seem to have the capacity really. It wouldn't be in his nature. He's a better person than I am in every apparent way and yet.. I can't bring myself to trust him for even a second. It's so scary because.. if someone this perfect can't change my thinking, can anyone? Am I really gonna be alone forever?
I don't want to lose him but I also don't want to be with him. And I feel like at some point he is gonna offer an ultimatum. I don't know if I should just say.. fuck it, if he isn't willing to wait then he isn't worth it, or if I should reconsider? Because I mean seriously from his perspective, I wouldn't want to wait for someone with no promise of it ever changing either, who literally feels physically sick at the aspect of a relationship with me. It isn't fair to ask. He should have everything he wants but.. part of me feels like he expects too much or I'm too little or something along those lines. I just can't imagine the relationship being anything more than stress and pain and constant anxiety over losing him.
I'm so scared that something inside me is broken for good and that I'm never going to be able to offer someone more than casual sex.
I don't want to be that girl but.. I'm so sick of being alone and I can't force myself to be close to someone, and what else is there then? Physical intimacy is the only kind I can stand.. and it's better than none at all.
I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should cut him loose and just forget all of this and continue as I was. If I should beg him to wait. Or if I should just jump.. Because I know he's a good person, who cares deeply about me and has no apparent intention of doing anything to hurt me. Because he's quickly becoming my best friend, and I don't want to use the word 'love' so early but.. I couldn't have imagined or fantasized a better partner if I tried. He really is among the best people I've ever met, and by far the best person that I've ever been sexually attracted to. I love his mind and his way of thinking and his strength and his sincerity and.. I just wish I were better somehow, and this came easier. But ever since it started getting serious it's been nothing but stress and late-night crying and watching shitty love movies, as far as I'm concerned. :P If a relationship is good, then why does the mere idea make me feel so very very bad? It's like someone puts a plastic bag over my head, and I just feel suffocated and blind and scared beyond explanation..
So uhh yea, what should I do? :P

It's completely understandable that you feel this way. I mean, four years in an abusive relationship is a long time. Not to mention the previous abuse.

This is a really delicate situation. I will tell what I know from what you've posted:

1. It's not just lust. Yes you like his body and you think he's attractive, but that's not all you were raving about. You talked about him as a person and the time you too spend together.

2. The word "girlfriend" or "relationship" has a bad meaning in your mind. You panic when he uses it. But ask yourself this: If you were to give in and let him give you the title of girlfriend, what exactly would change in your current relationship with him? Because to me, it sounds like you're already in a relationship with the guy, you just havne't made it official yet. Think about that.

You're right in not expecting him to wait for you forever, but you're also right that he should wait. You said you told him from the beginning you didn't want anything serious, but does he know the reason? Maybe you should sit him down and explain it to him. After that, there's gonna be a bit of compromising from both of you. He may need to take things slow and maybe give you a little bit more time, and you may need to jump in and agree to slowly ease into the girlfriend position.

But like I said before, it sounds like you and this guy are already serious. The title just scares you. Sometimes fear grips us in such a way that we are incapable of doing much of anything else. We rationalize our descisions and make excuses. Don't let your fear ruin what could possibly be the best relationship of your life. Let him help you. Just because you have to jump in doesn't mean he can't be right beside you holding your hand when you do.

Good luck!

Q: so i met this guy at a party. actually, i didn't even meet him. we didn't really even speak a word to each other hah but he was only there for a little. somehow he ended up getting on my camera, i guess someone took a picture of him so i added him on facebook. he messaged me and then we exchanged numbers and starting texting alot. he's kinda been flirting a little and we're supposed to hang out soon. are there any ways to not make things awkward? we've never talked in person and i'm not a real "meet someone online kinda person" if you know what i mean so i don't really know how to play it lol so i would loovee any help or advice

Have you spoken on the phone? You should! That way you get the first conversation out of the way and you don't have to be in front of him.

After you've spoken a few times, things will be less awkward when you meeet.

Please remember, you still don't actually know this guy. So meet some place local with lots of people around.

Be safe, and have fun!

Q: I have a great girlfriend, one I've been going out for nearly three years now. We have never really fought or argued or been mad at each other or anything. We both have problems here and there with school and home, but small ones with each other. I do need advice on that though...See, my teacher once told me two years ago that most if not all guys will hear a girl tell her problem and then go to try and solve it, when really the girl just wanted him to listen and hear her out. Is that true? Sometimes I find myself doing that, even after thinking about what my teacher said. So my question is...does being a listener and just talking about a problem count just as much as trying to come up with a solution. For these kinds of problems I mean things like: yeah my friends did this to me; I'm not sure what to do about this sport; I feel a certain way when ___; etc. It does seem that half the time she tells me something, I right away try to come up with a solution or tell her what to do about it. It usually ends up falling right back in my face, or making her feel upset. Would you (girls) appreciate it more if the guy that was there...helped out with a solution, just listened to you about it and talked to you about it, or a little of each. Thanks, I would really appreciate it.

Being a listener in my opinion, counts more. I had a boyfriend back in high school that always tried to come up with a solution to my problems. This really irritated me, it made me feel like I wasn't capable of coming up with a solution. What's more, if I'm telling him my problem it means that at the moment I cannot find a solution and I'm frustrated. So all he's doing (in my eyes) is belittling me. Like I can't come up with the solution...when in all probability I've already tried what his suggesting. And then there were times when I told him that I'd already tried, and he'd just say something along the lined of "well maybe you did it wrong, or you should try it again like this...etc" And that REALLY pisses me off.

But that's my personal opinion, your girlfriend could feel differently about it. You might want to consider asking her if it annoys her, and that way you'll know. But I think it's great that you're asking, and that you want to make the effort. More guys should do this. :)

Q: Please do not delete Im honestly 100% want to know this.
Do you believe in Aliens?
Life on other planets, Aliens.
Thank you.

I believe in life on other planets...but I'm on the fence about INTELLIGENT life on other planets. Frankly it would be very egotistical of us to think we're the only planet that has life. Earth is just a speck on our solar system, and our solar system is just a speck on our galaxy, and our galaxy is just a speck on this universe. Think about it, our galaxy has billions of stars, a lot like our sun, they have their own planets, and we have billions of galaxies. So you do the math, can we really say that this one planet is the only one with existing life...I think not.

Q: okay. i am in desperate need of a new screen name. mine is like 5 years old. and its stupid. so, could you guys please suggest something cute, please?

i like screen names like.

x dramatical love.
x forogotten memories.
x pathetic hearts.
-- and things like that.
but those are taken.

thanks!. :]

tragic beauty
forgotten love
forgotten soul
tragic rose
imperial sweetness
lost love
lonely heart

I gotta get offline, so I can't think of anymore for you, but I hope u liked one or two of those :)

Q: Alright, I'm 17/m and I shaved my chest and stomach (left the happy trail, as girls call it, there).

The problem is I have red bumps now because I've irritated my skin. The bumps have been there for over a month.

I'm sure they'd go away if I stopped shaving, but I'm looking for an alternative.

Yeah Nair is good I agree with everyone who said this..though it smells aweful. If you still want to shave, I suggest putting lotion after, or coco butter or something like that (again people already mentioned this...but we can't ALL be wrong) oh and FYI...ur happy trail...I call it a treasure trail ;)

Q: My cheast is different sizes,my right breast is bigger then my left and that makes me self-cautious, i cant wear low cut shirts, or a swimming suit without putting a pading in my left breast wich makes it uncomftreble and doesnt look right.I wanna be confident about my body. I saw a doctor and she said u cant do anything about it, only plastic surgery.But i wanna change my chest somehow, is there any lotion that i can rub on it, or any pills that can help me?I dont know what to do.Please help.

Everybody's breasts are like that. Some people just notice it more than others...I personally think my right breast is a C cup and my left one is B cup. LOL I still wear low cut shirts, honestly people wont notice. You notice a lot probably because you stand in front of the mirror without a shirt on looking at the difference. So don't worry about it ok :)

Q: my friend's boyfriend has been harassing me since last year. He keeps doing things to my locker such as smashing a banana on it, putting tape all over, writing all over it, leaving long notes, putting signs with names such as boob girl or b***h etc. He would also spread all these rumors about me and call me all of these names. when my friend tells him to stop he refuses and he said that he wants to hurt me. she wants to protect her boyfriend from being suspended and she is trying to stop me from telling the GLC. He has been doing the same things to other people but they are too afraid of him to speak up. I really want to tell the GLC and take action but would I be doing the right thing by doing that even if I probably won't be friends with her anymore? also, I know that the GLC won't believe me since I don't have enough evidence to prove what he is doing to me. what should I do in this situation?

Look it may come to the point, where he may want to physically hurt you. You have to think of your own safety, and honestly, a true friend (no matter how blinded by love she may be) would not put you in such a position. She obviously chose his side, and you need to worry about protecting yourself. If she accuses you of being a bad friend or whatnot, you tell her write back that she's the one not being the good friend, because it sounds to me that if the roles were reversed, you would try to put a stop to your boyfriend's harassing.

I hope I was of some help, please remember to always do what's in your heart. Good Luck!

Q: OK i need to download some good punk rock, emo, music
Will everyone give me 1 of your favorite song.. Just 1 please... your favorite one???????

Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate

Q: If you masturbate with a brush handle that you made sure was clean before you did it, are you in any danger?

Nope you're in no danger if you made sure that the handle was clean. Don't worry, you're fine. :)

Q: Recently my sister got a game for her PS2 that let's you sing. I've played it a few times and it got kind of addicting. I've done really good on it and I think I actually kind of have a good voice. My parents and sistre and brother say I have a good voice and so do the rest of my extended family. I think it needs some work. But now I was thinking about it and I want to get someones opinion who will be honest with em about it that's not like in my family or one of my friends. Can anyone tell me where to find someone who won't try not to hurt my feelings and just be plain honest? EVen anyone on here?

Hey I'll take a listen, I love music, and I'm usually at home bored anyways. SaturnMoonie85@AIM.com is the email u can use. :)

Q: what are some really good, meaningful, short poems?

or some great poets?

Rober Frost (The Road Not taken is a great poem, I don't know how short a poem you want them, but this one is relatively short)

John Keats

Shakespear (can never go wrong there)

Emily Dickinson

The Bronte sisters (Emily and Charlotte)

Edgar Allan Poe has quite a few short poems if I recall correctly... "Romance" comes to mind.

William Blake ("A Poison Tree" is quite an interesting poem)

Hope this helped :)

Q: 15/f. for some reason, i just don't feel like myself anymore. i feel like a different person. i always use to laugh like always all the time and this year i feel so serious. i really don't like the new me and i don't know how to "come back"

You're a teenager, we all go through this moody, semi-depressed phase in high school. Not only that, but we also grow up around this time. Don't try to hold yourself back, just let it go. If you're moody, be moody, don't repress anything just because it's new and you may not like it. This is a great time for you to experiment with things you've never done before. See where these feelings take you, as long as you aren't suicidal or anything bad like that, it isn't going to hurt you. Once your done "searching" you'll "find yourself" again, and you'll probably be wiser, and more intune with your feelings. So don't worry about it, it happens.
Good Luck.

Q: Okay, well I'm not that good of a singer, and I know that. But, I have a beauty pageant coming up, and you have to have a talent, and singing is all I can come up with. I can also tumble pretty well, so idk if I should do that or not. I have a round-off back-handspring, standing back-handspring, round-off back-handspring series, and standing back-handspring series.
So I have 3 questions:
-Should I sing, or should I tumble?
-If I choose to sing, what are some tips to help an amature?

and BTW, the talent has to be 2:30 seconds long.

Thank you so much if you can help!

You seem to be more confident with the tumbling, so do that, def. Not only does it sound like you have it down pretty well, but by the tone of this post, it seems like YOU think you can tumble better than sing, which means you'll have most confidence tumbling. Tumble your heart out girl!!! :D

Q: im going to have a party/sleepover but i can only invite 5 people, but i know 6 that i want to invite, so theres that problem. also, none of the six are friends with each other, what should i do???????

please help soon! i need to send out invites!

Ok well you should try to do a list. Which friends do you think will get a long best, also think about how important they are to you. Who have you known longer, who do you think is a better friend, etc. It sounds hard, but it shouldn't be, you only have to get rid of one of the names in your list, instead of 8 or something. Maybe you should keep the person you don't invite in mind for the next time you do something like this, and then she'll be the first one you DO invite.
Hope this helped.
Good luck, and have fun :)

Q: I'm 13/f, and I think that I have a fairly developed and mature voice for my age. I got admitted to a very advanced choir when I was 11, which is pretty young for the choir. I'm a Soprano II, and the thing is, I can't help losing confidence around the 16+ crowd, especially when lots of them are really, really good and preparing to become opera singers and such. I know that I'm only 13 and my voice is developed for my age (emphasize "for my age." The older kids have much more mature voices), I shouldn't be compared to older kids and this is a dumb shallow worry when there are people starving in India, but I just can't shake my feelings. Does anyone know what I mean?

This is completely understandable. When I was 14 I started attending a performing arts school, and you had to audition for each department you wanted to be a part of. In my case I auditioned for both theater, and musical theater. Now mind you, I had never had a single singing lesson in my life, but I was placed in advanced musical theater. Now here I am a freshman, who has no experience, with all these juniors and seniors. Really intimidating to say the least. But the thing is, everybody (no matter the age) is talented. Yes there are more talented people out there, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that you're as talented as YOU can be, don't worry how good these other girls sound, worry about your personal growth, both in your voice, and your knowledge of music. Everybody has they're own opinion, and those girls who feel intimidated by, might just feel the same way about you. It happened to me, I felt the same way you did, and then one of the seniors (who I thought had one of the best voices in our class) came up to me, and complemented me, and said she wished she could sing like I did. Really blew me away. And it made me realize that if you're put somewhere it's because you deserve to be there, and you will always be your worst critic. You are NOT as bad, or as inexperience as you may think you are.
I hope this answered your question. I hope I understood your question, and doubts correctly. And always remember to "do you".

Q: I'm in the eight grade and I'm a 14 year old female. Some boys think that i am pretty. But I haven't had my first kiss yet. I want my first kiss to be spectacular, something that I will remember forever.
I feel really left out because all of my friends have had their first kiss and more. I just want to know the ages of people when they got their first kiss and details (like where, how, etc.) it will make me feel better. Thank you in advance!

I was 17 when I got my first kiss. Um it was weird, I wasn't expecting it. I was in my boyfriend's attic (we had been dating for about a week), we had just finished studying, and he was going to walk me home. Well I got up, and was putting my coat on, and talking to him about something, and he just came in front of me, and shoved his tounge down my throat! I mean, it was really unexpected, I was in the middle of a sentence, and I'm really shy so I could've died. After that I was running around thinking oh my god, oh my god that was such a horrible kiss, he's gonna think I'm a horrible kisser. Needless to say, I wasn't ready, but it's kinda funny lol.

Q: I Had this friend Taylor, we met eachother when in the fourth grade. Taylor is really fun to be around, and really pretty. I always felt bad being around her, but our friendship was always so great. Will when middle school came my parents divorced, and i had to go to another school then the one Taylor's gone too. We were friends into the 6th grade the whole year we talked everynight, we had a few sleepovers. Her parents ending up divorcing too, and that it made it harder to have sleepovers, but we Always talked on the phone, always. Then i got into the 7th grade, (would be the grade im currently in) we were friends, for awhile.. then around halloween last year (still in 7th grade) we stopped talking, she blew me off for our halloween plans because i never answered her calls, but it wasent as if i was being rude, i wasent home and she knew it.. She knew i had family issues and i went away for the weekend, but i made it back intime to go with her. And she blew me off. Then our every day phone calls became, less and less and they just stopped all together. around christmas (last year) she called wishing me a marry and christmas, and she also said "Your probably mad at me" in the phone call. which i got 2 weeks after christmas due to, i wasent home for christmas i was away on vaction. I felt bad and wanted to call back but i have nothing to say to her, i really want our friendship back. But i dont know if she wants it back. and she doesnt have a computer, so theres no way i can just AIM her. And im way to shy to call.I'd have no idea what to say.. I mean what if her mom picks up the phone or something?
Also note were both Female, and 13.

UPDATE:
I'm terribly sorry that she didn't want to continue your friendship, obviously she isn't worth it. I don't want you to feel bad, you did all you could do, and you don't need anybody like that in your life. I'm very proud of you for picking up that phone, and for expressing your feelings. You can consider me a friend. :D

If she's that special to you, pick up the phone and call her. Don't let pride get in the way, and loose her, you'll regret it for a looong time. Trust me, I speak from experience. I haven't talked to my ex best friend in 2 1/2 years, and I still cry at night, wondering what went wrong, what happened between us. I wish I would have done something about it, instead of just letting it go. The more time passes by, the harder it will be to do something about it. If you keep thinking about what you should do, next thing you know it'll have been so long, you figure what's the use now. Don't let that happen! Swallow your pride, ask her what went wrong, at least then, if it turns out you guys still aren't friends, at least you can say you tried, you wont have this feeling of unfinished business inside you.

Trust your heart, do what you feel is best, and good luck with whatever you choose, and let me know what happens. :)

Q: I hooked up with my friends ex-boyfriend. They were going out for 2 monthes and she broke up with him but she may still have some feelings for him. I hooked up with him the other night. Should I tell her? I don't want to risk losing her as a friend since she is really close but I don't want her to find out from someone else if other people happen to find out. Please help! thanks

Well you have to think of it this way: How important is your friendship with her? If it's that important you have to tell her, and you have to ask her for permission, if she doesn't want you to date this guy, then you have to make the decision. Are you willing to jeapordize your friendship for a guy, or are you willing to give him up if you have to for the sake of friendship? Regardless of your answer, you have to tell her, if she's that important to you she deserves to hear the truth from you and nobody else. Just think about what your next move will be after you tell her, and think about all the possible ways she could react.

Good luck :)

bio

Hey everyone, so it's been a while since the last time I was on here...A LOT has happened w/ my life. But I am back, and I'm here to help as always. So any questions I can help you with, please don't hesitate to ask, I will answer them all as honestly as possible, and if I can't answer something I will tell you that I can't, I will NOT give you false information or lead you on.

Also, and this is something I want everyone to know: No matter what I, or anyone else advices you to do, at the end of the day it should be your decision. We're only here to give you perspective, it's up to you to decide whether or not it is the best thing to do. (That was my little disclaimer :D) Feel free to contact me anytime, day or night.