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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Why won't my mom let me get my ears pierced? I am 17 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T HAVE MY EARS PIERCED! she said it will make me look older but i AM older! and she says she got them pierced at 13 but she regrets it. WHAT????? i see earrings every where and all my friends have at least one piercing. i have been asking since i was 6 but she still says "ask me later" Help!

The one thing you could try with mom is telling her she is only putting off the inevitable by refusing to allow you to have your ears pierced. That as soon as you turn 18 you will have it done. Think about it before you have this discussion with her for I'm sure you will end up in a heated debate/argument with her if you do say this to her.

I'm not going to say mom is right or wrong. The facts of the matter is that you live under moms roof and by law you are a minor until you turn 18. Until then you have to abide by what mom says when the law says you need moms permission to have something. You have waited 11 years another few months shouldn't be that big a deal. You can look forward to your 18th birthday as getting your ears pierced as your birthday present to yourself. You will not need moms permission any more just proof you are 18.

I can't justify why your mom has refused to allow you to get your ears pierced. Many moms have their daughters ears pierced as infants. Each parent has their own ideas as is what is right and what is wrong or what is best for their children. You will be no different in raising your children. You and your mom will have many a discussion/arguments over how you raise your children. Facts are when they are your children you raise them as you see fit. Facts are you at this time are the minor and have to put up with the decisions mom makes as long as they do you no harm.

Okay so im a 13yr Female and i have this guy friend that is almost my boyfriend. But he doesnt want a relationship this year wich im cool with. But he had called me up one day and he said "Hey you gotta stop sending me pics (we sext alot) and his mom goes or, and he says or we will have to go to your parents about this and he said that he loves me and all and that he had too go what should i do too get on their good side i mean his dad was realy mad an was about to cuss me out ut he held back what should I do I really love him and he loves me.

Of course his parents are going to be mad. If you are sending him sex pics, especially of you, you are causing both of you to be breaking the law. Is illegal to send sexually explicit pictures of underage children over the web. You may be under age but you can still be charged with breaking this law. Many kids your age have been charged when caught. Ignorance of the is a mitigating factor in court but it is no excuse.

It is illegal to take or possess sexually explicit pictures of under age children. This is called child pornography. Regardless of your ages you are breaking the law.

Then there is the fact that once you send these pictures to someone you are no longer in control of them. You mean them only for his viewing. He can if he wishes show them to his friends or send them on to others. It does not take long before your private pictures are no longer private but being viewed by millions of people. Did you give any thought to that? I am speaking in general terms here not specifically of this boy.

Never ever send pictures of yourself to anyone you would not show show to your father or brother. Regardless of the illegality of the pictures themselves; sending these types of pictures can cause you deep embarrassment as they can and will get out of the hands of the intended recipient.

As to getting back on his parents good side? That will take time and hard work on your part. You have shown very poor judgement in sending these pictures. First impressions or impressions of this nature are hard to live down, if they can be lived down.

The best advice I can give you is to find another boyfriend and not make this same mistake with him. I would suggest you have a talk with your mom and see if she can help you out of this situation.

hi.

i am in deep trouble, i feel. i have been masturbating for the last couple of years since i was 11 and now i will be 17 in june 2013. i have masturbated almost everyday, twice a day . i have many problems now. such as mental problems. im losing my hair, my memory my concentration. i feel very week. ever bad symptom i have read about over do of masturbation . i have them all. ever single one . back pain and others as well. im trying to find all over the internet if all this is reversible. and if it means i have to stop masturbating and not have sex ever. then it fine by me. i cant study i cant do anything. please help. just reassure me that it is possible to get back on track . to become new as if i never masturbated before. plz plz help.

I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I have never heard of anything like what you written about masturbation. Masturbating twice a day is perfectly normalfor someone your age. Masturbating in general is normal for any male or female and is an excellent method to relieve sexual tension.

According to a recent study done by researchers published in a magazine I read. According to the research done 85% of the population masturbate. This would include your parents and other relatives. Masturbation is also part of foreplay during sex. Hand-jobs and fingering as well as oral sex are all forms of masturbation, though in this instance they would be called mutual masturbation.

What you are reading or have written about as being caused by masturbation are generally referred to as; "Old wives Tales." These tales came to be during a time when masturbation and sexual pleasure in general was looked at as being dirty. Sex was strictly for procreation.

Over the years since then for most of us, our attitude towards sex and masturbation has changed. Sex, intercourse, is something that is done both for pleasure and procreation between two consenting adults. Masturbation is for sexual relief and the pleasure that this relief brings even when done as a mutual pleasure.

So in closing, whoever told you that your health problems are a direct result of your masturbating is very, very wrong. Masturbating twice a day is well with in the norm for someone you age and you should look forward to having a normal sex life, health permitting, when you find the right person to share a sex life with.

Not feeling sorry for myself so don't say it. I'm just tired of my terrible life and I just want it done, sooner the better.I'm 44 and have been in 2 major relationships in my life. One was my x wife, we were married for 22 years, in the end she ran off with a married man. Must have been me why she did it. The 2nd was the love of my life and we did love each other, she lives in Tucson, same as myself.we each had problems as does everyone, working threw our issues together an our own we would work threw together. We liked being together and we did most everything togetherwe loved it . In the end she treated me like a nobody, and seemed to blame me for everything,ok I figured we could work threw this also as we loved each other so much. Nope it was easier to break it off with me and go with someone else. I'm dead inside and my mind needs shut off, I think about her everyday txt with her on occasion. Yes I know ur going to say no contact,but I can't, I want her so much and miss her bad. My family and friends all say screw her and they hate her for how she hurts me. I can't stop thinkingof her/us and want no one but her. It's been a yr now and its the same, for me atleast. I'm done and ready to die. My life is shit and iv given up.
Shut my heart, mind, pain off, I am truly ready.

Suicide is a solution and a bad one at that; it is not an answer to a problem. I cannot say I know exactly what you're going through but I do know someone very near and dear to me who is going through something very similar to what you described with this last women.

In a sense the closure that is needed when ending anything is missing as she probably just left and as you said blamed everything on you. As you said you both had problems to work through and all she did in leaving as she did is throw a ton more on you.

If you were not suffering some form of depression at that time; well you are now. Planning to end ones life is a symptom of a deep depressive problem. Depression is something I can speak to having suffered from clinical depression.

While your problems may seem insurmountable they are not. This is the depression talking. Depression effects how we perceive things mostly in a negative fashion. This is the first thing a person suffering depression needs to understand and take precautions against.

Clinical depression, which is the most common form of depression, is the easiest form to treat. Generally this form is caused by the lack of or insufficient amount of 1 or 2 chemicals that are secreted in the brain which control mood. THere are a variety of medications available to doctors to treat this.

Medication is generally 1 of 2 steps used to treat clinical depression. The 2nd step is talk therapy with a clinical psychologist. Since stress is also a major factor finding the stressor and learning deal with it is what happens in talk therapy. In your case we may know of the major stressor or you may find another while working in therapy.

For medication to treat depression the best doctor to seek out is a Board Certified psychiatrist. This is a doctor who has taken a Fellowship in psychiatry and past the certifications exams to receive state board certification. In many states any doctor who had a residency in psychiatry can practice psychiatry. Your not crazy, it is just that since the chemicals in question are secreted into the brain this is the doctor best qualified to prescribe medication.

You may also want to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. It operates 24/7; No matter what problems you are dealing with, the can and want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. Please call them. or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself then call 911. Help will be sent to you. Suicide only hurts you and those who love you.

Okay I'm 17 years old- 18 in 4 months. I've had period for about 3 or 4 years now and i know what it feels like and what i crave.

I just went to pee and i noticed that I have blood coming out of my private place. My last period was on the 15th November and ended on 20th or 21st. It's been 13,14 days. So I'm really worried, as to what happened to me? I had period at the beginning of the month and at the end leading onto next month a couples years ago maybe 2 times. That regulated to once a month, not on the day or couple days apart but more or less.

So now I'm freaked out as to what's happening? I've never had sex, so what could b the cause? I am currently ill, just a cough from the lungs and minor temperature jumping up and down.

Can someone please give me an answer ASAP!

THANK YOU

solidadvice4teens has given you good advice.

When you are ill, especially taking medication, this can effect your entire body including your menstrual cycle. You period can be late, not come at all or as you are experiencing come early or cause spotting.

The best person to discuss this with is your mother. Your period is a normal bodily function, it is nothing sexual other than it relates to your reproductive system.

None of us are doctors and we do not know you, but your mother does know you. Mom is the best person to consult about things of this nature. I'm sure you went to her with cold symptoms didn't you. Well this is the same thing, really. Yes she may ask you if you have had sex. Tell her the truth. Knowing the truth mom can then decide if this is as I said just a symptom of your illness or if you should consult with a gynecologist.

My car has pulled hard to the right for at least a 2 months but since I'm planning a big trip soon I want to solve this problem if I can without spending over 2-3 hundred bucks since the car is a 91. I even noticed the wheel shakes when I take my hands off it. Thank you

There are any number of reasons for what is happening to happen. First is the fact that the car is 20 years old and has 230,00 mile on it. Many of the parts may have worn out. Parts such as the shocks, rack and pinon gear, this is the steering mechanism, ball joints and other front end items. These items are all replaceable after which you put new tires on the car and have a full care alignment done.

If the car has been in an accident and the body is out of alignment then fixing the front end will repair most of your problems. Although the car will still not track properly and may even be unsafe to drive.

The first thing I would do is get the serial number and get a car fax report, found on the web, to see what kind of damage has been done to this vehicle by any previous owners. Print out the report then go to a certified automotive mechanic, show them the report and let them look the car over and tell you if it is worth repairing and would be safe to drive after the repairs.

Replacing any or all of the front end of your car, given its age, would be something I would not recommend. The cost of the repair would be more than the car is worth. You would be far better off putting the money towards a newer car.

Should you decide to do so make sure to get a car fax report on the vehicle before you sign any documents and that you can take the car to a certified mechanic before purchase. Any reputable car dealer will allow this.

With all the storms damage we have had in the past several years there are many fine looking cars on used car lots that are unsafe to drive due to storm flooding and other damage. A car Fax report will tell you this. Also a certified mechanic will be able to see this damage.

CarMax has there own version of car fax. Even if I were to buy a car from them and they are a very reputable used car dealer. I would still run my own car fax report. CarMax has their own version as a cost savings measure for them. It is probably just as reliable as the car fax report but there is just that bit of doubt in my mind that would cause me to run my own report .

my guy friend wants to have sex with me but i do not bcause we are friends and i dont anything bad to happen what can i do oh and we have made out alot help please!!!!!!!!

solidadvice4teens is right in what she has said. I will put it another way.

First and foremost for sex to happen both parties must be consenting. If one party says no, that's it end of conversation. For the other party to continue to pressure or cajole the dissenting party into having sex with them. It is sexual harassment. If the dissenting party gives in to the pressure it is not consent it is rape.

Tell this to your guy friend for this is what he needs to learn. NO means NO and that is the end of the conversation. Continuing to pressure someone further can and could cause him a great deal of legal problems even as an underage teenager.

Sexual harassment has no age barriers within the law. Teenagers and adult are subject to the same laws when it comes to crimes of a sexual nature. The sooner young men learn of this the better.

An infamous line for young teenage boys to their girlfriends is; "If you love me you'll have sex with me." Wrong, sex is not in this instance the right way to show your love for someone. If ever a boy says something like that to you, he does not love you, he lusts for you. Teenage boys confuse lust and love. They believe lust and love are the same thing. It a hormonal reaction for them.

One other thing. Not knowing your age I will just add that you are correct in what you said about sex between friends. Sex between friends is a very good way to ruin a friendship. Something to remember as you go through life. It is not always the rule but generally speaking once you cross that line you can never go back.

i m from india
i m the same person who had posted a query yesterday that
( i had suffered from typhoid last month it take a whole month for recovery and i was on total high medication
at arnd the ending of last month me nd my partner r playing with each other he doesnot ejaculate into vagina we are just playing
bt i hadnt had my periods this month i m 3days delayed so is it due to typhoid or due to foreplay between us
i had done a preganancy test today and it is negative means that i m not pregnant so is there no fear should left about being preganat?

Foreplay won't delay you period. The medicine for being I'll might. Wait a few days, a week or so and test again. If still negative you are probably not pregnant

I keep getting judged by my weight. I'm 12, F, and today this REALLLLLLY skinny girl compared me and my best friend.. "She's so skinny.. But like you're so big" I don't think I'm like obese or overweight, but I just hate how I look and I'm starting to think of getting anorexia.

I shouldn't loose weight just because other people want me to or other people compare me, but I want to do this for myself. I'm hopeing I get the new Wii U for Christmas so I can play Your Shape: Fitness Evolved. I know that'll help me lose weight!

Speaking of that, my brother has a Wii and I've been playing Wii Sports Resort but then yesterday he said I couldn't play it anymore.. I can bribe him, but I don't know what to do if that doesn't work.

Anyways, how do I lose weight? I want to lose like 20 pounds or maybe even 30. Well I'm sorry this is long but I'm new and yeah.. Anyways, thanks!

While exercise is always good and is recommended for everyone. Dieting at your age without your parents permission and knowledge is not good and should also be under your doctors advice.

You are 12 years old, just starting into puberty. If you do have some fat on you but not overweight this is the fat we parents call baby fat. It will disappear as your body morphs into womanhood. Your body needs this stored fat to feed the hormones that ore going to redefine your body and wake up the hormones that allow you to enter the world of being a women.

Exercising and eating properly during this time will greatly help you define your body by helping you tone and shape the women you will become. Eating properly means 3 proper meals a day with 3 proper snacks. Snacks that are healthy such as vegetables, fruits and nuts. The occasional candy bar or slice of pizza after school is okay just increase you exercises that day to account for the extra calories.

The worst thing you can do is to diet without your parents knowledge or your doctors supervision. Just because your friends are skinnier than you is not a good reason. Different bone structures determine how much weight you need to be. That is why you need to consult your doctor before and dieting starts. Only your doctor can determine what you proper weight should be.

It is for worse to 10 pounds under weight than it is to be 1q0 pounds overweight. so talk to mom and dad, eat properly and exercise. Your body will fill out over the next year or so, then you and your doctor can succeed if you need to diet. If your doctor is not telling your parent you need to diet then don't.

I do and dont want to have oral sex with my boyfriend but im scared! the reasons i dont want to is because im afraid he wont like it or think i smell or something. But then again hes the one encouraging it and asking me if im comfortable doing it. Is it okay to do that with him? what can i do to calm my nerves? will i like it? will he like it?
Oh and im 15 and my boyfriend is 16

First and foremost when it comes to sex: BOTH PARTNERS MUST BE CONSENTING OR IT IS NOT DONE. This means if one of you wants to try something, such as oral sex and one of you is reluctant for any reason, you don't do it.

Now more to the point of your question. At your ages I would suggest you wait. You are both a little to young for this type of sex act. One of the reasons for my saying this is that I think you will both enjoy it and that could lead to intercourse which is something you two are way to young to be having.

Making out, fingering and hand-jobs should remain the extent of your sexual experiences for now. It is safe and will not lead to pregnancy. Once you undress it is very easy to move on to the next stage of sex. Fingering and hand-jobs can be done fully clothed. Clothing is your protection against unwanted pregnancy.

As for the other things you wrote about. They are really non issues. As I said I believe when the time is right you will both like it, that I am very sure of. As for your smell or scent. All women have a natural scent. As long as you bath regularly no man will be offended by this scent or taste. I'm just suggesting, strongly that you wait until you are older, more mature and capable of controlling a situation from going further than it should.

which is the best way of doing suicide withot a pain plz help me. if you have guts ans me

I'm sure we have the guts to answer your question. Though that's not what we do here. We are here to help solve the problems that are causing you to feel so much pain as to want to end your life.

There is no problem so large that we can't and have not helped someone find ways to resolve the problem. Suicide is a solution not an answer.

Just for the record and to answer your question straightforwardly: after 30 years on a Fire Department Rescue Squad I can tell you for certain their is no painless way to kill yourself. Life is not a movie.

If you are feeling suicidal I urge you to call 911 and ask for help.

We're both seventeen and have a son together. But, he's kind of rude to me. He loves me, but he abuses me, not physically, but just verbally. Sure, we hit each other, but not hard enough to harm each other. And, it's only jokingly. But, also, every time I ask about money and things like his plans, he starts acting all weird. Is he up to something that he doesn't want me to know?

Not knowing him it is hard to say for sure. My educated guess is if he is being evasive then he is up to something he does not want you knowing about. Just what that may be is hard to speculate about.

Verbal abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse. No one has the right to hit anyone even in jest. Hitting even in jest can easily escalate to something far worse.

The two of you are very young and you have had a child together. He has certain legal responsibilities to that child until, he or she turns 18, regardless of whether you two end up making a life together. You need to make sure that your boyfriend is legally bound to these responsibilities through the courts by seeing a lawyer and having the proper legal papers drawn up and submitted to the courts for service to him; especially considering the way he is acting.

Your ages are working against the two of you having a life long commitment to each other. I don't have the exact statistic for this but it is less then 10% of couples in your situation end up with a successful marriage.

My recommendation to you is. Make sure your boyfriend is legally committed to supporting your child. You need to get the best education you can so that you can support and provide for you and your child as well.

i had a 3 days menstruation period every month..anf after 6 days my period ends, i got unprotected sex w/ my bf..could i get pregnant??

Any time you have unprotected sex the possibility of pregnancy is very high if there is no other form of birth control in place. IF all other factors needed for pregnancy are right you will become pregnant.

My step-dad is in Mexico, and my mom met this guy at the bar. They have been texting, and I saw some pictures that I would rather not have seen. He's been coming to our house while we've been sleeping. What should I do?

You should do nothing. It is not your place to police your mothers morals or sex life. You do not say how long your father will be in Mexico. This leaves open some questions that you do not need to know about.

If your father is going to be away for a long period of time they may have made an agreement concerning sex and their needs. There are couples that do this. I'm not saying your parents do or do not have such an agreement. If they do the only thing your mother is doing wrong is bringing this man into your home where you could see this happening.

If no such agreement exist then your confronting your mother on this can only lead to problems you don't need to face. Whatever your mothers reason for having an affair they are hers not yours. She is still your mother and she still loves you and still deserves your respect and love.

Nothing good can come out of telling mom or dad that you know mom is cheating. My advice to you, for now, is to forget about what you have seen and go one with your life.

i m from india
i had suffered from typhoid last month it take a whole month for recovery and i was on total high medication
at arnd the ending of last month me nd my partner r playing with each other he doesnot ejaculate into vagina we are just playing
bt i hadnt had my periods this month i m 3days delayed so is it due to typhoid or due to foreplay between us

Medications, particularly antibiotics can upset you menstrual cycle. They can also effect the effectiveness of your birth control medication if you are on any making them less effective.

The fact that your partner did not ejaculate into your vagina but you did have intercourse does not mean semen did not enter your vagina. During intercourse pre-ejaculate or precum as most call it is emitted as lubricant. This lubricant has semen in it, more than enough to impregnate a women if all other factors are right for pregnancy to occur. This is why the pull out method of birth control is so ineffective.

Most likely you are late because of your medication for typhoid. To be sure I recommend you take a home pregnancy test.

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and we havent been using a condom just the pull out method which I know isnt safe. I have tried birth control but it just makes me so sick I cant handle it. I asked him the other day if we could start using condoms because we have been going through some very rough patched in our relationship (he cheated) and I am trying to give him a chance to prove to me that he wont do it again but I DO NOT want to get pregnant right now we are not ready. So when I asked him to wear them he refused said that he will not wear them and its because he will not enjoy sex at all. He just said that I should go on birth control....he doesnt understand that I have tried too. He also got mad and said I guess we wont have sex then. I don't know if I should be upset or understand how he feels. Am I being selfish for thinking that he is not respecting me as his girlfriend? Please help!

Your boyfriend is not only being disrespectful, he is being selfish and playing Russian Roulette with your health. Condoms do not only protect you from pregnancy. They also protect you from many forms of STDS and the AIDS virus.

You know he has cheated on you and I'm sure he was not a virgin the first time you and he had sex together. Since he refuses to wear a condom with you, then you can assume he does not use them with anyone. That means every time you and he have sex you are having sex with all of his past partners and the partners they have had unprotected sex with. This is not safe for you or for him.

As for his pleasure with using a condom or lack there of. There are many different kinds of condoms on the market. It is just a matter of trial and error until he finds on that gives him the greatest pleasure.

What is of upper most importance is having safe sex. If he is so self-absorbed as to endanger your health and his by not practicing safe sex. Then my advice to you is not to have sex with him and to find someone who truly loves you and will practice safe sex with you until you are in a committed life long relationship.

My name is robert I haven't felt any emotions since I can remember and I dont know why. I wish some one will help me understand!

Hi, Robert. When you say you don't feel emotions you are to me saying you don't feel any good emotions. For not feeling things is an emotional response.

You really haven't given us much to go on so I'm going to guess what you are trying to say is you feel that you are constantly feeling as if all around you is gloomy. Gloomy is a feeling I can identify and explain.

When all you feel is gloom or doom it very possibly means you suffer from some type or form of depression. The depression just won't allow you to feel anything else. Feeling this way for a long period of time you feel as if you have no feelings.

Now I am not a doctor, none of us are. If what I am making an educated guess at is correct. What you need to do is see your family doctor and be screened for depression. It is a painless exam that consists of the doctor asking you a bunch of questions. Based on your answers the doctor can make a diagnoses.

The latest national survey says that 1 in 3 or 2 in 5 of us suffer from some form of depression. Depression, clinical depression that is, is generally the result of some form of stress compounded by the insufficient amount of one or two chemicals that are secreted in the brain that control mood.

The chemical imbalance is easily corrected with proper medication. Finding out what is causing your stress and helping you deal with it better is helped by talk therapy.

If you are a teenager then you may be suffering from what is now called teenage depression. Something your grandparents referred to as a phase teenagers went through and would grow out of. Some did, many did not.

My advice is to talk to your doctor and be screened. If you are suffering from depression there is help. If you're not your doctor will still be able to help you find out why you are this way.

My boyfriend and I were fooling around last night, he rubbed his penis on my behind, and some sperm came out, I'm a virgin, when it was over, I quickly got my underwear on and left, I don't know if any sperm came near my vagina, and if it did, can i get pregnant?

It is possible but unlikely. Whenever sperm is near the vagina it is possible for a sperm to wiggle or swim in to the vagina. Then makes its way along the path to fertilize an egg if there is an egg to fertilize.

Remember you are only fertile during a certain time each month. Usually starting sometime around the 14th day of your cycle. This is when the egg is released and can be fertilized. There is only a small window during that period that the egg can be fertilized. So all those things have to line up to become pregnant.

That is one of the reasons I say it is unlikely you became pregnant. Figure out where in your cycle you were. Did the sperm actually get down to your vagina? When you answer these questions you will know how close you came to becoming pregnant.

So my mom's daughter (We aren't related. My dad and our mom never married) has slept with my dad's nephew. He's 2 years older than her (16) and they're not related because we don't have the same dad and our mom and my dad has never been married (And never will.. They're together, but you know..). So does this mean my sister ISN'T a virgin because they slept together? They were never together, well from what I knew.

Sleeping together in the same bed has nothing to do with losing ones virginity. The only way to lose your virginity is to have the boys penis penetrate the girls vagina. This is called sexual intercourse. Once this happens for the first time for either of them it means they are no longer virgins.

You can participate in any other type of sex. Until intercourse occurs you remain a virgin by today's standards.

My mother is never satisfied and constantly talks about you behind your back about not spending time with them and not having a relationship with my child when i live in another state

Unfortunately there is not much you can do about this situation. You are one of many children in the same position.

It is not fair to you and your family to pick up and relocate just so she can have a relationship with your child. She is the one that should have or will have the most free time and hopefully the surplus income to afford to come and visit you and her grandchild if she wants a better relationship with the child.

Many grandparents, my parents included, couldn't wait to retire and hit the open road to explore the country. They flew home for each holiday. In the summer each grandchild had 2 weeks of exclusive time with them in an area of the country they were interested in. My son was a regular visitor at Cape Canaveral and space camp thanks to his grandparents. Both of my nieces spent a summer in Alaska.

My parents were not alone in this type of grand-parenting. RV parks were filled with grandchildren each summer. Something you might want to suggest to your mother is she doesn't have to wait until she and your father retire either to do this. She can start now having your child visit for a week or so every summer if she really wants to have a closer relationship.

As for talking about you behind your back. I wish I had some good advice for you. Unfortunately I don't. Anything you say or do is only going to lead to an argument and hard feelings between you. This is just the way your mother has of getting sympathy from her friends for what she perceives as a slight from you for having your own life. Yes, its wrong but to confront her about it won't help, it will only confirm in her mind she is right.

About the only suggestion I could make that might be useful is if there is an Aunt or Uncle who might be willing to talk to her and explain to her how hurtful her talking about you is to you. This may or may not work though it is worth a try.

Otherwise you must live far enough away that you can control how much time you must spend with her. Use that to protect yourself and your family from her hurtful expressing of what she perceives is wrong.

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