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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
when i was around 5 my mother died from cancer. Now i have a step mother and 2 step sisters. My step mother is every loving, but doesnt like help me with girl stuff. I always have to learn things on my own. And for like clothes, what matches? i cant ask my dad anything like that because hes a guy and doesnt really know. Like for my school pictures, i was wearing a pink and grey top and my dad picked a purple background, she didnt really help me she just helped my 2 step sisters. (I know i can ask her, but shouldnt she realize that i need help with it?) And i ended up crying for a while, cuz like i felt like i was alone and didnt have anyone to help. the next morning i ended up asking her to chance it cuz pink and purple dont go. I mean dont get me wrong, she great, but i just want a little more from her. SOO my question is what should i do? Should i tell my dad or aunt or something? Should i confront her? please help.
(sorry if its long)
The Answer
Look, your stepmother is not a mind reader. So no, she *shouldn't* know. It would be nice if she guessed, but there is no reason for her too.
More then her not helping you, your stepmother is probably trying to respect your special relationship with your father, and doesn't know exactly how you and he would like her to behave with you.
If you want more from her, talk to her! You don't need to *confront* her. This doesn't need to be battle or a fight. You said she is loving right? So she will probably be loving and understanding about this...
So tell her how you are feeling. Tell her you aren't feeling supported and would like more 'girl' help from her. She will probably be flattered and want to make you happy. Although you might also need to have a talk with your step mom and dad as well, so that he knows that you'd like her in your life more too but doesn't feel like he is loosing his special place.
Just be honest with them. They can't read your mind, and they might think you want things very differently then what you actually want. Remember they have feelings too. Getting everyone talking will probably make you feel a lot better, and the problems will start being solved.
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The Question
16/f
okay i have a friend who's 16 too, we've known each other since last year. she's a junior and im a sophomore but we're in the same lunch and the same math class so we spend a lot of time together during the day. we also have a lot in common like we both play a (different) sport and we're both smart and we're both totally into dressing up for school.
her flaw is..SHES SO SELF CENTERRED! she never takes interest in me. she doesnt know what type of music i like, she never asks about my games, or takes any interest in anything i do, even though i do. she always talks about herself all the time. sometimes when im sharing something shell just zone out and suddenly say something completely offtopic from what im saying. then ill tell her to pay attention to me, then shell say "i am!" but she really isnt. sometimes when i try to change the topic to me she'll just be like "oh..that's good" and then comtinue talking about herself. its such a turnoff. like if you listen to one of our usual conversations its one of these 3 things:
-her doing all the talking with me trying to get a word in but her interuppting me, or
-me talking but she only says "yeah" and "uhuh" (unless i was talking about her of course)
actually, sometimes she's annoying because she's really slow to understand things. like i have to repeat something over and over for her to get it.
basically shes a nice friend but her flaws, being too self-centered and being slow piss me off. what should i do?
The Answer
You can talk to her about her flaws (I would leave out the being 'slow' part, she likely can't do anything at all about that.)
Or you can accept her flaws and continue on the same way as you have been.
Or you can choose not to talk to her as much anymore.
That sort of sums up your options.
Don't try to 'give her a taste of her own medicine'. She wont get the hint. Either be clear about YOUR problem, not hers, by telling her "I don't feel like you are listening to me right now" or "I really need to talk about *thingthatisimportanttome* right now." or probably the best "I really need someone to listen to me right now." Or accept she wont change, and move on.
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The Question
Ok so my boyfriend has a sister who is wiked wiked manly. Shes 2 grades older than me and plays football for the school and I cheerlead for the school. Her name is kelsey. I heard from people before that she hates me because she thought I was a stuck up snob, which is the complete opposite of what I am. I litterally never even looked at this girl, or talked to her and she dislikes me for like no reason. Today at the game, she was yelling out to her team on the field and she was in front of me and my friend jamie. Jamie turns to me and says was that a girl? It sounds like a guy. And we both started laughing. I didnt think she would hear us, but she did. Kelsey took off her helmet and turned around and gave me such a scary look. Then she ran to brad (my boyfriend) and told him what happened. Then brad turned around and looked at me and shook his head. I dont know what to do about this. Me and brad are really starting to get serious and I really like him but obviously theres going to be a problem if kelsey continues to be like this. What should I do???
The Answer
Well this is also going to be a problem if you keep badmouthing her, regardless of whether she can hear you or not.
If you want to repair the relationship between you and his sister, you are going to have to start, by telling Jamie that was a mean thing to say and telling Kelsey you are sorry for laughing at Jamie's stupidity.
That is step number one. Step number two would be to ask her, or your boyfriend, if she really does have a problem with you and what you could be do about it.
You've got a problem babe, and it's not going to be solved by her changing. It will be solved by YOU changing you approach and attitude.
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The Question
I was with a guy for a year. I met him when he came round to fix my taps as he's a plumber!! I thought it was fate that we met that way but I guess I was wrong. I have a little boy who is nearly 4. He took a liking to Paul and called him Daddy. (Big mistake I know). Around the 6 months stage things went wrong and we started to argue. I didn't like the way he spoke to my little boy sometimes. It was like he treated him like he was in the army or something!!!! To cut the story short he left four times over reasons I think aren't good enough to leave. We didn't fall out of love and neither cheated or hit! The last time he left I was asleep in my bed and I woke up to him with black bags packing his stuff. I went absoulutely mad and started throwing things at thim. He called the police so he could get his things but also told them I had assaulted him (whimp). He picked me up by my throat and threw me accross the floor holding my neck which left bruises and the policeman saw this. Anyway, we tried to give it a go a couple of weeks later with him not seeing my son but I wasn't happy and caused an arguement which made him run again. Why was it so easy for him to leave? Did he love me at all? He's changed his number!
The Answer
You two were broken beyong repair.
Love doesn't behave the way the two of you behaved.
No one can answer those questions for you just be glad he is gone and be a bit more sensible next time.
Clearly, this was not a great judgment call on your part. Take it slower with guys in the future, you have a son to look out for. That is worth a bit of caution and certainly worth not 'giving it a try' with someone who didn't treat either of you well in the first place.
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The Question
It's my freshman year of university and I picked a random roommate because I don't know anyone else at the school. I like her and we get along great, but we're not best friends or anything and we rarely hang out outside of our room. Anyway, my friend and I decided we would like to room together next year, because we are a lot a like in our schedules and we get along really well and have a lot of fun together. This is great except that recently she's been having some tough times and she's started to self-injure. She calls me sometimes late at night crying because her roommate isn't back and she's all alone. I've had her call her family and she's getting therapy, but I want to know if this will make things harder to be roommates next year. She seems to be sort of relying on me at the moment and I don't know if she's doing SI because she doesn't feel cared for in her room or if it will continue on next year. Ummm..any advice?
The Answer
YES!
Yes, this will make it harder. Much harder.
If she is already leaning on you and depending on you to a degree that you find uncomfortable, you are headed for trouble.
It will continue next year. Even if she is feeling better, there is always the risk of relapse with these things, and the pattern of behavior between you two (she calls you crying, you try to fix things for her) has already been set. Don't expect that dance to change.
You are taking a risk moving in with her and I think you know it. It takes a great deal of self-possession and maturity to live with someone who is struggling with mental illness. You need to be able to be supportive and safe, but at the same time manage your own life and not let their insecurities interfere or dictate what happens.
Consider what it will be like to come home to a roommate who *needs* you. To come home to a place that might not be the relaxing sanctuary you wish for. To come home and have to work on her behalf.
I’m not saying don’t move in with her, but recognize what is going on and be very honest with yourself about how much you have to give to this person. You are a student too. Your emotional strength is already taking a hit.
If you have serious misgivings about moving in with this girl, listen to them. Perhaps you can arrange to be on the same floor or building, but not share a unit. Or maybe a larger unit where there would be more people around to affect the dynamic.
You’ve got some tough choices ahead, but you’ll have a much tougher time if you aren’t honest about how much of yourself you are able to give to her.
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The Question
Okay, I never thought this would happen to me. I thought this kind of...crap for lack of a better word only happened in movies and to weird people.
Anyways, long story short my boyfriend of 6 months cheated on me, and of course I dumped him. He's respected my descision and hasn't been pressuring me into getting back with him. I know I DEFINITELY don't want him back, don't get me wrong I could never take a cheater back, but at the same time I miss him like hell. I don't want him back, but I'm missing him too much, does that even make sense? :\
And also, my friend who has shown interest in me for a long time (He hasn't made a move or anything) seems a lot more attractive to me now, but I'm scared I'm just seeing him as a rebound.
This is so weird, I'm missing my ex like crazy but I'm sort of crushing on my friend. How can you do both at once? Yet I seem to be. This is SO CONFUSING!!!!
Okay, so my question is: How do I move on from my ex? Since I'm not moving on, and not trying to get back with him I'm going no where and I need to move on.
And also: How do you tell real attraction from seeing someone as a rebound?
The Answer
TIME.
Once more, say it with me, TIME.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, else really gives you any sort of clarity of mind or certainty. Nothing else helps you stop missing someone (even if they were an asshole) and nothing else tells you if your feelings run deeper then the rebounding craving for attention.
You take your time. It's okay to be confused for now. Feelings are confusing. Relax a bit ad let things develope.
Your brain is already over the ex, in a little while your heart will catch up.
Your friend 'hasn't made a move yet' so you really don't have to worry about that at all unless he does, or if you decide to do something about your attraction to him.
Don't stress yourself out! Don't pressure yourself or rush yourself. Take a breather. You are doing fine.
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The Question
Its so much fun, being overly self critical. If you are this type of person, your response is what I'm looking for.
So, I just went through a bad breakup. My girlfriend (almost fiance) was incredibly immature. She had needs that I was not fufilling or being talked to about. She broke up with me because "I was never going to take care of her"
She was and is incredibly selfish. But right now, the needs she had were needs I could have handled without a problem. In the future, that probably wouldnt have been the case, but right now I'm hating myself because I could have made her happy, and I didnt, and she left me. And all I ever got when I tried to work on us were lies or silence.
How do you stop hating yourself? Im a logical person. I can tell myself that I shouldnt hate myself for not being enough for someone who was immature and self centered, who preferred to be comfy instead of even bringing up relationship issues. I know that I worked to save and to maintain it and she did not.
And yet, all this logic does nothing for me. I still feel like a heel and I still feel like a failure. Because she decided to abandon college and me and run back to the safety of mommy's pocket book when she found out what its like to live truly supporting yourself.
How do you deal with your own screwed up head and stop yourself from feeling worthless because someone else is a terrible person?
The Answer
Time, and constant vigilance.
It's really not a 'type of person' problem. Damn near everyone does this. Rather then accepting the rational and factual explanation for what happened, their mind creates the most negative and emotionally charged (read: interesting) explanation and sticks to that.
Scroll through the questions on advicenators: Complete virgins think they have somehow caught as STD when that is next to impossible. The only logical explanation for being moody is bi-polar disorder and under no conditions will they ASK their mother/go to a doctor/or tell them that they like them because that could ONLY make things worse.
The brain can be a wonderful little self-defeating mechanism when it doesn’t WANT the right answer.
The only way to deal with it is to give it time (for the emotional impact to reduce a bit) and to be constantly aware and battling the irrational thoughts.
When you catch yourself thinking "I've failed" the response is "No. I have not failed. I'm successfully living an adult life. She wasn't able to do the same." If the trouble is "I'm worthless." the response is "I am very worthy. She decided I was worthless to her because she is selfish and narrow-minded. That has to do with her being a fool, it's doesn't reflect on me."
When a relationship ends, especially when it ends badly, you are going to feel bad. Period. You are going to be down on yourself. I don't think there is any escaping that. What is important is that you actively work through it and not wallow in these feelings and thoughts.
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The Question
ugh i have a major problem. i am going out with this really nice guy bobby,he is the sweetest. but i just don't like him that way and now i don't know wat to do cas i don't want him or his family to think im a bitch for breaking up with him cas it has only been about 2 weeks or so. although i also have another problem in this one. i don't want to let go of either one of my ex's. i love them both to death and i don't know wat i would do without them i still talk to them but right now one is mad at me and im trying to fix things.....my heart is lost and confused!!! HELP!!!
please
The Answer
Your heart is far, far too concerned with making everyone happy.
What your boyfriend's family thinks of you is not something you should worry about, and it's not something you can control. If you don't want to be with this guy, you owe it to him to say as much. Staying with him is lying to him.
It's great if exes can stay friends, but the ex relationship is very, very emotionally charged. Sometimes they just can't and it really isn't a relationship you should be bending over backwards to maintain. If you have done something wrong, apologize, if not, don't spend so much engry on 'fixing'.
Think a little bit more of yourself, rather then what other people think of you. You can control yourself. You'll never be able to control thier thoughts.
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The Question
Is limewire illegal if you download stuff and then put it on your ipod? Because my mom said its illegal and if she catches me using it again shes going to change the password on my computer and lock it. So is it illegal?
The Answer
Limewire is legal.
Downloading copywritten music using Limewire is priracy and is illegal.
So downloading copywritten music and putting it on your ipod, definately illegal.
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The Question
well someone left a really mean message on my myspace (on a little notepad thing, so I don't know who it's from). it said "you're an ugly stupid hoe. jk girl i love you! or at least, i have to pretend i do!"
well, i'm definitely not stupid or a hoe, and i don't think i'm ugly. so i know i shouldnt let this bother me, but i've felt like crying ever since i saw it. and i cant stop wondering who wrote it. one of my "friends?" someone i don't really know? and why would they write that? i'm not mean or stuck up... i'm always really nice to everyone! my mom says someone is just jealous of me, but that doesn't make me feel any better. it just really hurts to know that someone secretly hates me. how can i stop feeling so bad about this?
The Answer
Stop worrying about who wrote it, you might never know.
Ask yourself this instead: Why did they write it?
Well, they wrote it to upset you of course! Look at how wonderfully effective it was.
OR
They didn't realize how it would sound and had no desire to be mean at all.
Stop letting it get to you by reminding yourself that is probably has more to do with them being a bored and clueless then it has to do with who YOU are.
It's not like they were giving you constructive criticism or voicing a valid complaint against you. There is nothing for you to respond to in a comment like that, it was just stupidly mean. It doesn't deserve an ounce of notice. Ignore it.
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The Question
My bgf is a flirt and i know that. But he doesnt at least i guess not. In our bio. class he talks to a bunch of girls and kinda flrits with them and i know he flirts with other girls. Or 'overly friendly' as he calls it. Well not exactly hes just like 'im just talking to them' and im like 'sure' *sarcasm* haha But he says he likes me and acts like it so my question is do guys just naturally (well some of them) just flirt without even realizing it? i kinda do but im kinda aware of it. It doesnt bug me tho which is weird because i can get pretty jealous but i guess its because i know he cares about me. :D he does it right in front of me and then next pd will be totally flirting with me! Does he just not realize it? just like a habit? my friend was like you may not be happy but i heard he was flirting w/another girl and i was like i know he does it right in front of me so im sure he does it in front of other girls. haha but is it just sumthing certain guys do a lot? Cause hes def. not the type of guy to hook up w/random girls or anything like that. Hes very good haha. thanks!
The Answer
Lots of people, girls and guys, ten year olds and eighty year olds, flirt without really knowing it. They are, as far as they are concerned, just being friendly.
Some people just learn early on that life is way more fun if you are just nice to everyone! I'm dating a guy who openly 'flirts' with every decently attractive waitress we have. I don't get offended, in fact, I think it's pretty great. These girls get to see me with a totally charming guy...
Don't let it get to you. If he says he is into you. Believe him.
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The Question
If all your classes are academic but you take applied math every year, can you still graduate highschool and university?
The Answer
Unless the unversity program you are applying to requires you to have an academic math credit, you'll be fine.
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The Question
Alright well I've been seeing my boyfriend for four months now, and he is in the army. We are very much in love, and he has asked me to marry him, but we don't really consider ourselves engaged yet, we probably will in December when we are going to tell everyone we want to get married. Anyway, he dated his ex for almost two years, and she cheated on him twice while he was at basic training. They broke up a few weeks before he met me. Well we'd been dating for about a month before she started problems. She started telling people they were still together, threatening me, leaving me messages, etc. She told me he always calls her and tells her that he can't wait to come home for Christmas and see her and make love to her. I know none of this is true because his phone is turned off, and plus, she lives in West Virginia where his dad is and there's a good chance that he won't be going to West Virginia for Christmas, he'll be coming straight here to Pennsylvania. Anyway, I confronted him on the things she'd been saying last night, and he freaked out, thinking I'd been messing with her. He said that she doesn't just drag stuff out... but the thing is, neither do I. I have not said anything to her that she has not asked for. I never threatened her, called her names, or anything. I simply told her that it was pissing me off what she was doing, and that she should stop. It made me a little upset that he stuck up for her though. His best friends wife said it's because they dated for so long and he doesn't want to be mean to her and it would just make things harder when he goes home if he were to flip out, and I'm sure that's true. I'm just confused. What should I do about this?
The Answer
You need to stop talking to her completely.
Block her online. Delete her emails un-opened. Inform your friends you don't wish to talk about her. Hang up on her when she calls.
The idea that you "have not said anything to her that she has not asked for" makes me think that, despite your best intentions, you are actually making this worse, not better. You ARE helping to drag this out, simply by listening and responding to it. Each time you respond to her, you become part of the problem.
The only good kind of communication in this case, is NO communication. The only mature response to lunacy, is silence.
She's being a lunatic. She isn't in touch with reality right? So you have no reason to her or respond to her maddness.
In fact, you have no reason to speak to her at all. If you trust your boyfriend, then it doesn't matter what she has to say to other people or to your boyfriend.
Stop being a part of the problem, by ending your part in the problem.
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The Question
I'm a 19 female. I just got married 2 months ago and recently my husband and I rented an apartment. I love it here and things are going great..except for one thing. I invited a friend of mine to come live with us because he is leaving for a year in Iraq so I wanted another person in the house. Me and my husband smoke...alot. Two days ago she turned to me and told me she didn't want me or cook to smoke in the house anymore. I told her I would talk to him and discuss it with him. It's getting cold and it's my house I don't want to go outside. He told me to compromise with her and tell her we'll only smoke in the bedroom with the window open. I told her this and she said that she didn't want us to do that either because it goes into her room and she gets sick. We are trying to compromise but she wants it her way or she said she was gonna leave. It would be fine except that I have seen her smoke before and been around people that smoke. I am too the point that I want her gone. I can't stand being in the same room as her. Please someone help me so I don't kill my roommate...
The Answer
Alright then, she needs to leave.
A lot of smokers don't smoke in thier own home and don't want to live surrounded by it. Frankly, I don't know any smokers who do smoke in thier own home... but that might be a canadian thing. Most renters agreements have 'no smoking except outside' built right into them here.
Legally, what she did when she requested a smoke-free enviroment, was perfectly fine. She has a right to expect that. Doesn't matter if she smokes like a chimney herself, so long as she does it outside.
If you and our husband wont stop smoking, and she can't live with it, then you needs to respectfully part ways. She has done nothing wrong. Tell her you are sorry but she will need to find somewhere else to live.
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The Question
I honesty believe my boyfriend is gay (he just doesn't know it yet). I'm not gonna go through and list the reasons why, because it really doesn't matter. I know many guys who claimed they were straight until they couldn't hide it anymore and I'm just about positive my boyfriend is hiding behind me. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this or if i should say anything or not.
The Answer
If you honestly believe this, tell him so, and break up with him.
It's the only responsible and honest thing to do.
If you don't trust him about his sexuality, then you shouldn't be with him. If you think he doesn't want you, you shouldn't be with him.
His sexuality is his business and his job to figure out. You can't tell him who he is, but you can tell what you believe and why you can't be with him.
What he does from there on out is his business.
EDIT: Well, yeah. It's going to be offensive and hurtful. You are telling him you don't trust him or believe him. But the only other option is dumping him without telling him why. You can't stay with him I you believe this.
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The Question
I got sexually used by a boy I believed I loved. And I am so upset! I'm freaking outraged. I'm a great girl, ok? I loved him with all of me, and would have done anything. I was so close to giving up my education for this guy who wasn't even willing to wait 24 hours for me to make up my mind on wether or not I wanted to have sex with him. And stupid me ended up doing it too! I AM A GOOD GIRL. I'm kind and compassionate and I try my very hardest to be good to people, to talk to the lonely, support the struggling, and feed the hungry. I'm not a saint.. but I'm not a bad person, ok? Why the hell couldn't he like me for me??
I can't breathe. It hurts so much. I alternate between crying and yelling at my reflection in the mirror.
I need an honest, brutal answer here - why won't guys just fall for girls? Why can't you just love us if we truly deserve it?
Despite what all of you may think now, the problem here is not me. I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. It has nothing to do with my unrealistic expectations on love, or age, or experience, or my choice of boys, or ANYTHING.
The problem here is boys, all of them. And I demand a freaking answer. PLEASE explain why we go through this, why boys cant just want us the same way we want them. Why we fall in love with the person while they fall in love iwth the body.
I'm so angry and so sick of being angry. And I'm hurt. Every second of every day I'm hurt, and I believe I deserve an answer to why I have to feel this. Someone out there should be able to explain WHY I have to feel this just because the male species are obssessed with sex. Its unfair.
And you know what else? Tell me how you can NOT love someone who loves you? If you find a girl who is willing to take a bullet for you, follow you anywhere you go, if you find a real keeper who CARES so much, how can you not care back? Cause personally, I have a real hard time not liking people who sacrafice things for me, people who call to make sure I'm doing fine when I'm sick, people who spend their nights praying for me, and mornings thinking about me.. How can you not love someone who loved you first? Who treated you right, and deserved you.
My main question, because I know I had many and they're hard to keep track of, is: How can you hurt someone, not care for someone, who loves you? Is that really something that is posible to do for someone with a heart?
The Answer
You deserve love hun, just the same way that every child in the world deserves clean drinking water.
Not every child in this world has clean drinking water. Actually, I think the majority probably don't…
The world isn't fair. It isn't right. It never will be. People don't always get promotions because they deserve them. Some children aren't loved by their parents. Some people hunt and kill other people for fun and the people you love won't always love you back.
You will not get loved because you deserve it. Look at all the millions of people out there who are getting loved who don't deserve it! You loved a guy who doesn't sound like he deserved it… Cheaters and abusers and rapist get loved! Clearly, love is not about being worthy.
People just get loved. It is given, like respect and charity. People aren't given these things because they have some how 'earned' them. They can’t earn them! They are gifts people give to each other, because most of us WANT to give.
He didn't want to give you love. You could have been a Goddess. Literally, you could have been Aphrodite herself, the most beautiful woman in the world and a tiger in the sack. He still wouldn't have loved you. He didn't want to love you.
Go ahead. Be angry and be hurt. Scream and cry and hate him and go on asking these questions that frankly, you'll never get a satisfying answer too. Answers that will make the pain go away don’t exist.
Just know this: In the end, you can choose to hate and be bitter and be in pain, or you can choose to love. I don’t mean love in the ‘I’m in love with him’ sense. I mean giving that gift to other people in this world, not because they deserve it, but because you choose too. I mean telling yourself its okay to have loved him, even though you probably shouldn’t ever speak to him again. I mean forgiving him, and believing the best in men, even when a lot of them are showing you otherwise. I mean being loving and being good, even though the world isn’t a loving or good place.
There will always be pain, and you won’t always get the love, or the answers that you deserve, but you can still choose to be a good person in a bad world.
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The Question
ok i am 20 female. I have had my period for almost 6 years now. but recently i have been having my period only every three months and it lasts for almost two weeks at a time. im not sexually active so i know its not i dont have it cuz i am pregnant and miscarry or whatever. could it have something to do with me being overweght? is it going to cause problems to where i can't have kids?
The Answer
Yes, it could most certainly be because you are overweight.
Women with too much body fat produce too much estrogen which interfers thier cycles. If you think your weight is having this effect, you should a doctor.
It could cause difficulties when you are trying to get pregnant, but, once more: YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR.
This sudden change might be due to your weight (which should tell you something right there) or could be the result of some other medical issue. You will need to see a doctor to get all the details and information you need.
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The Question
My dad`s been saying since he decided he was going to divorce my mom as soon as I graduated that we are poor. First of all, we live in one of the most expensive neighborhood to live in out of the whole county so that`s not true. Plus, my dad`s job has an extremely high payment. Half of the time, he`s yelling about money or cussing at us or telling us how stupid we are. The other half of the time, he`s not even home or is off with something with his work somewhere. He won`t EVER buy me ANYTHING rather I really need it or not. Anytime I want something, I have to take money out of MY savings account to get it. I was thinking earlier and I finally understand why he`s freaking out about how we supposedly have no money. In one year, the place where my dad works is moving to Indiana or Louisiana or something. Apparently, he thinks it`s an easy way for him & my mom to separate? Anyways, knowing how selfish he is, he`s not going to even bother looking for a closer job & he has his mind set on leaving us to go live in Indiana. Well, obviously he would need a house, so he`s been putting thousands away each month that my family needs for things & cutting us short on everything, which is extremely unfair to all of us. He won`t admit it, but I know that`s he`s putting all of that money away so that he can afford a house when he leaves. I don`t understand it though. He told us all a few months ago that he`s leaving us & we`ll have to sell the house & while he`s off in Indiana somewhere, we`ll have to live in a tent here. But, how can someone do that? I mean, how can he lie about it & how can he just treat us like this? My mom has no job because she`s been devoted to us all these years, so I don`t know what`s going to happen. Is there some legal thing that says he HAS to send us money or something to take care of us when he leaves?
The Answer
Yes, of course there are laws, plenty of them, which say he must support his children (and wife!).
Your father can *try* to just leave you penniless, but the sooner your mom and the law steps in, the harder it will be for him to get away with it.
It's your mom’s job though, as your parent, to look into the laws and services and pursue them.
Talk to her about your fear and your confusion! Ask her what is going on. Ask her what she plans on doing. If she is overwhelmed or in denial, go to another adult, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle or family friend and talk to them.
Ask your father what his plans are as well. Don’t accuse him, just ask. He might tell you thinks aren’t so bad as you think, tell you where the money is actually going, or at least tell you straight up that he plans to leave you all to starve.
I’m sure he isn’t a total idiot, whatever else he is. He won’t get away with just abandoning you all and he must know it.
You shouldn't have to live with this sort of fear just because your parents are messed up. Demand some answers and some responsibility, from them both. Ask what is the plan is and what is going to happen.
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The Question
do you think this guy actually has a chance of winning? and will you vote for him? lol just curious.. i mean cause there are so many other good people running this year.. i wish Al Gore ran again.. but theres also Hillary Clinton and that Obama guy who are good IMO. but the colbert guy is pretty funny so i also want him to win. whats your opinion? btw i cant vote now.. im not american and im just 13, ahha.
The Answer
Stephen Colbert announced on his show, The Colbert Report, that he would run in the presidential primaries in South Carolina, which he certainly could try to do.
Except I'm betting he wont... for two reasons.
One, he said he will run as both a Democrat and a Republican. He can't do that. That is against both parties policies. They won’t let him.
Secondly, if he pursues this seriously, he could be looking at some serious legal trouble with the federal campaign laws, which outlaw corporations (like, ahem, Comedy Central, who employees him and pays for his time on air and all his publicity) to contribute money to a presidential campaign.
If he raises, or spends any money on this 'campaign' he'll need to register himself with the Federal Election Commission, which as far as I know, he hasn't done yet.
I think it's a joke, but hey! His new book ‘I Am America (And So Can You!)’ debuted on the New York Times bestseller list at #1 for hardcover non-fic… That sort of explains everything don’t it?
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The Question
hey well I have a really good friend name ana, and I have such an amazing boyfriend name peter well they knew each other for like years, and my friend ana used to be in love with him!! and at first I cared about it and now I don't cause I know he would never cheat on me and I know my friend ana wouldn't do that to me, and well lets just say (not to be conceited) she's 10x's bigger than me she's really fat and I'm atheltic, but its not the looks always count but I feel that she still has feelings for him and she keeps going to him and hugging and touching in places that I don't like, and peter (my boyfriend) always says stop, what are you doing, but she doesn't get and it and plus she has a boyfriend, so I don't know what to believe. and I already told her that I don't like that and she goes and says I can't help it I'm like that, and I started thinking what do u mean u can't help it, soo I really don't know if I should trust her or not, or should I just let it slide. please help!! she's my best friend and I don't like what's she's doing EVEN my boyfriend started realizing it, so please help
does she still have feelings for him,even when she denies it? I don't know help
=[
*worried*
The Answer
If your boyfriend doesn't like the way he is being treated or touched, it's up to him to speak up and make that clear to her. It sounds like he is trying. Encourage him to be honest with her, or to remove himself from her presence if she can't respect his bounderies.
This issue, really is between him and her.
If you trust him, then you don't really NEED the situation to change, although you'd like it too. If he NEEDs this to change, the best thing you can do is support him in that, not pick on Ana over you own feelings, but gently remind her that Peter has asked her not to behave that way.
Some people do just have different bounderies, and since Ana and Peter have known eachother so long they might have established a different comfort zone (or she might think they have).
As Ana's friend, you should assume she is telling you the truth. If you love and trust them both, help the two of them communicate and keep your own worries and jealousy out of it. Let them work it out.
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