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Anger towards males.
I got sexually used by a boy I believed I loved. And I am so upset! I'm freaking outraged. I'm a great girl, ok? I loved him with all of me, and would have done anything. I was so close to giving up my education for this guy who wasn't even willing to wait 24 hours for me to make up my mind on wether or not I wanted to have sex with him. And stupid me ended up doing it too! I AM A GOOD GIRL. I'm kind and compassionate and I try my very hardest to be good to people, to talk to the lonely, support the struggling, and feed the hungry. I'm not a saint.. but I'm not a bad person, ok? Why the hell couldn't he like me for me??
I can't breathe. It hurts so much. I alternate between crying and yelling at my reflection in the mirror.
I need an honest, brutal answer here - why won't guys just fall for girls? Why can't you just love us if we truly deserve it?
Despite what all of you may think now, the problem here is not me. I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. It has nothing to do with my unrealistic expectations on love, or age, or experience, or my choice of boys, or ANYTHING.
The problem here is boys, all of them. And I demand a freaking answer. PLEASE explain why we go through this, why boys cant just want us the same way we want them. Why we fall in love with the person while they fall in love iwth the body.
I'm so angry and so sick of being angry. And I'm hurt. Every second of every day I'm hurt, and I believe I deserve an answer to why I have to feel this. Someone out there should be able to explain WHY I have to feel this just because the male species are obssessed with sex. Its unfair.
And you know what else? Tell me how you can NOT love someone who loves you? If you find a girl who is willing to take a bullet for you, follow you anywhere you go, if you find a real keeper who CARES so much, how can you not care back? Cause personally, I have a real hard time not liking people who sacrafice things for me, people who call to make sure I'm doing fine when I'm sick, people who spend their nights praying for me, and mornings thinking about me.. How can you not love someone who loved you first? Who treated you right, and deserved you.
My main question, because I know I had many and they're hard to keep track of, is: How can you hurt someone, not care for someone, who loves you? Is that really something that is posible to do for someone with a heart?
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::Edit:: Post Rating
I'm glad I was able to help. The advice was harsh (neccesarily so) because Its a hard lesson. Ive had to learn it without being told, so if you are able to take it to heart then hopefully you can move through life with a few less scars.
You're an intelligent young woman whos also a hopeless romantic. Theres nothing wrong with that. I love finding someone I can throw myself head over heels for and be safe about it. Unfortunately, the world is seldom friendly enough that that works out very well.
Good luck, and God Bless.
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Unrealistic expectations for one.
You were willing to give up your education? You arent approaching this from any more mature a standpoint than he is, from what I can see. Thats brutally honest. Im not saying the problem is entirely yours, but its at least partly.
So, you loved him. Its entirely possible that he didnt love you. That is not his fault. You cant love everyone. I was told "I love you" last weekend. I didnt love her back. We are just friends now, because its obvious to me that its not possible to maintain a friends with benefits arrangement.
Why did he have sex with you?
More than likely, he had sex because he knew he couldnt keep up a charade of having fallen for you as hard as you have fallen for him. He wanted to get laid while it was still an option.
That part is his fault.
Its not about deserving him. Its about compatibility.
I just got out of an absolutely horrible relationship. I worked and I slaved and I did everything I could to protect what we had, to nurture it. In return, she kept her mouth shut and stopped telling me what was going on for a month and a half. She let us die, and then dumped me.
Did I deserve that? No. But she was too self centered to ever hit a point where WE were more important to her than SHE was. In that way, we were not compatible, because I put us first, and she did not.
In the end, the best answer I have for you is to get over it and keep looking. Its harsh, I know. But from a guys perspective let me tell you that women are just as good at being shitty and ripping out your heart.
Ive been stepped on repeatedly in my life by the women Ive dated and some I havent. You get up, you move on with your life, you find someone else to get involved with.
Though, Ill give you another piece of advice based on my life.
Falling in love with people who havent fallen just as hard just as fast is an absolutely terrible idea. Think about two people in an airplane going skydiving. The first time you go skydiving, getting yourself to jump out of a plane that high up is about the hardest thing you will ever do. Now imagine youre skydiving with a friend. He or she watches you jump first. Watches you fall away.
Now the jump is even more real, and even more scary. If you jump at the same time, its easier for both.
Love is the same. If you jump first and yell "come on in, the water's fine" that doesnt mean someone else is automatically going to jump in the pool with you. Falling in love with someone does not mean that they owe you the same. The world and peoples emotions do not work that way.
I have a question for you though.
He wasnt willing to wait 24 hours. He used you.
You didnt say rape, you said used. Which makes me think you said yes even though you didnt want to. That you consented.
Why?
Why did you feel the need to go that far for someone and feel like this about it later? I think that a big part of the problem here is that you built some average joe jackass up onto a pedestal saying "Oh god, hes so amazing, I love him and Id take a bullet for him" when in actuality he wasnt worth that.
And you feel like shit because you just realized that you are an absolutely terrible judge of character.
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well, i think you might just be chasing a pipe dream. clearly this was not the guy for you. one thing i have come to learn about guys is that they dont dig the whole puppy dog thing. you dont need to follow a guy around. make him follow you. dont do the chasing anymore. move on and learn from this because if you dont i promise it WILL happen again.
i mean, yeah, you thought you were in love and you would do anything for him but, were you in love with him or just the idea of him? the idea that he could be the one?
now i am going to actually answer your final question: yes, people with hearts hurt people. you cannot be in a one sided relationship. no matter what. it just does not work. feelings will be hurt if that's the case and it sucks that you were the one that got the boot. i say move on and try to get over the whole situation. good luck.
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Nobody is loved because they WANT to be loved. They just are. You can't tell yourself "This person loves me, and I want to love them, so I will." No. Love is just natural. You can makes someone love you as easily as you can tell an elephant to become a feather. Some people just won't love you, and it's not their fault. It's not your fault either. Some of these questions can only be answered by the people you're asking them to, and by nobody else. I'm not a mind-reader, contrary to popular belief. Not everything is going to be fair, and I'm sick of it too, but you're going to just have to pull yourself together, calm down, and keep moving. Nobody should keep you locked down in one place. Love is not and will never be about deservedness. Some people just won't feel the way you do. And there's nothing you can do about it. Try meditating, getting out there, move on. You're dwelling on the bad things that have happened to you, and therefore bad things will keep on coming. Believe in yourself, stay strong, and think positively. Do what you need to do, and you'll find happiness in most people, but sometimes not in other people. And just ignore it. Nothing should stop you. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them." So don't let them.
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You deserve love hun, just the same way that every child in the world deserves clean drinking water.
Not every child in this world has clean drinking water. Actually, I think the majority probably don't…
The world isn't fair. It isn't right. It never will be. People don't always get promotions because they deserve them. Some children aren't loved by their parents. Some people hunt and kill other people for fun and the people you love won't always love you back.
You will not get loved because you deserve it. Look at all the millions of people out there who are getting loved who don't deserve it! You loved a guy who doesn't sound like he deserved it… Cheaters and abusers and rapist get loved! Clearly, love is not about being worthy.
People just get loved. It is given, like respect and charity. People aren't given these things because they have some how 'earned' them. They can’t earn them! They are gifts people give to each other, because most of us WANT to give.
He didn't want to give you love. You could have been a Goddess. Literally, you could have been Aphrodite herself, the most beautiful woman in the world and a tiger in the sack. He still wouldn't have loved you. He didn't want to love you.
Go ahead. Be angry and be hurt. Scream and cry and hate him and go on asking these questions that frankly, you'll never get a satisfying answer too. Answers that will make the pain go away don’t exist.
Just know this: In the end, you can choose to hate and be bitter and be in pain, or you can choose to love. I don’t mean love in the ‘I’m in love with him’ sense. I mean giving that gift to other people in this world, not because they deserve it, but because you choose too. I mean telling yourself its okay to have loved him, even though you probably shouldn’t ever speak to him again. I mean forgiving him, and believing the best in men, even when a lot of them are showing you otherwise. I mean being loving and being good, even though the world isn’t a loving or good place.
There will always be pain, and you won’t always get the love, or the answers that you deserve, but you can still choose to be a good person in a bad world.
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