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My boyfriend's ex.
Alright well I've been seeing my boyfriend for four months now, and he is in the army. We are very much in love, and he has asked me to marry him, but we don't really consider ourselves engaged yet, we probably will in December when we are going to tell everyone we want to get married. Anyway, he dated his ex for almost two years, and she cheated on him twice while he was at basic training. They broke up a few weeks before he met me. Well we'd been dating for about a month before she started problems. She started telling people they were still together, threatening me, leaving me messages, etc. She told me he always calls her and tells her that he can't wait to come home for Christmas and see her and make love to her. I know none of this is true because his phone is turned off, and plus, she lives in West Virginia where his dad is and there's a good chance that he won't be going to West Virginia for Christmas, he'll be coming straight here to Pennsylvania. Anyway, I confronted him on the things she'd been saying last night, and he freaked out, thinking I'd been messing with her. He said that she doesn't just drag stuff out... but the thing is, neither do I. I have not said anything to her that she has not asked for. I never threatened her, called her names, or anything. I simply told her that it was pissing me off what she was doing, and that she should stop. It made me a little upset that he stuck up for her though. His best friends wife said it's because they dated for so long and he doesn't want to be mean to her and it would just make things harder when he goes home if he were to flip out, and I'm sure that's true. I'm just confused. What should I do about this?
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Christ.
Do not fucking marry him.
Heres how it works. Right now, the army owns him. That means that unless he is an officer (highly unlikely) he has no life or space for a genuine relationship.
He has his own drama to sort out that you dont need to get into. Stay friends. Talk to him. Hell, stay in love with him. But dont marry him until he discharges or youve been dating a year or two.
I will say this, and you can believe it or not, but 4 months is not enough time to get to know someone well enough to know that getting married to them is a good idea.
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I have an ex who I'm still very protective of. Even though i have no feelings for her, I had a really deep and meaningful relationship with her that meant something to me and always will, no matter what. Don't blame him for protecting her, as long as it doesn't go too far. We all have a past that pops up every now and then. You should try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure his ex is just having a hard time letting go. It happens and you just have to give her time to get over your boyfriend. If it bothers you enough though you should have another talk with your boyfriend and ask him to do something about it. Because sooner or later we all have to stop looking at our past constantly and prepare ahead for our future.
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You need to stop talking to her completely.
Block her online. Delete her emails un-opened. Inform your friends you don't wish to talk about her. Hang up on her when she calls.
The idea that you "have not said anything to her that she has not asked for" makes me think that, despite your best intentions, you are actually making this worse, not better. You ARE helping to drag this out, simply by listening and responding to it. Each time you respond to her, you become part of the problem.
The only good kind of communication in this case, is NO communication. The only mature response to lunacy, is silence.
She's being a lunatic. She isn't in touch with reality right? So you have no reason to her or respond to her maddness.
In fact, you have no reason to speak to her at all. If you trust your boyfriend, then it doesn't matter what she has to say to other people or to your boyfriend.
Stop being a part of the problem, by ending your part in the problem.
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