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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
ok im 17 my boyfriend is almost 18. weve been together a year and 4 months and weve never had sex. he has a high sexual drive i guess, but were waiting.. well mainly me, and hes always respected that.. we are both virgins. theres been times when weve been at his house and ill fall asleep with him watchin tv or something, and he'll grind up against me. im a very deep sleeper so im sure hes not that worried about waking me up. i usually lay on my stomach because thats how i sleep, and he'll 'position' himself so itll feel good to him i guess. sometimes id really be awake and he wouldnt know it, other times he'd wake me up doing that. tonight, he started to do that again. after a little bit, he proceeded to get up, put lotion on my hand and work my hand around to give him a hand job and he was gettin off on it.. this whole time i was "asleep" but i was actually awake.. by this time i decided to see what he'd do because hes never done that before. if i started to squirm like i was "waking up", hed stop and kinda stroke my back or somethimg till i was back "asleep". afterwards he got on top of me.. im still on my stomach.. and he progressively pulled my pants and underwear down on the back so that he could rub up against my butt [he only pulled the back down, but his 'thing' was actually out of his pants]. he never actually went in.. id kill him.. but he kept pulling my pants down more and going lower and lower. eventually i "woke up", jumped up and yelled "what the h--- do you think youre doing???". he acted startled, just said "nothing!" and picked up the phone. i ran around got my purse and my keys and ran out the door, halfway cryin by now. he ran after me yellin "baby wait.. baby please!" and tryed to stop me but i told him not to touch me and left. i know he wouldnt rape me, hes not like that, but what could possibly be going through his mind? hes called me almost 15 times already in an hour's time and has left me voice mails begging me to call him, let him explain, but im ignoring his calls. supposedly hes somewhere, not going back home or anywhere till i talk to him. in one voice mail he says he thought i was awake.. wtf? i acted dead asleep. i wasnt going along with anything. i dont know what to do i feel so.. violated? i mean, did i do the right thing by running out? im not ready to talk to him, all ill do is yell and cuss him out.. but am i overreacting? hes never done anything remotely like this before. someone help me =[
The Answer
You are not over reacting.
You shouldn't have feigned being asleep. That was wrong of you. It was entrapment and it was an unfair lie to him. You should have told him firmly no.
If you mean no, never let them think maybe.
So you made a mistake, but what he did was MONSTEROUSLY WRONG AND ILLEGAL.
You feel violated because he violated you.
He sexually assaulted you. End the relationship. Today.
He tried to make you into a sexual object for his pleasure without your consent. He robbed you of your person-hood, ignored the person you really are and used your body.
Dump him and never speak to him again. Please.
Even if he did think you were awake, he blantantly ignore what you had told him before: That you weren't ready. That means he didn't respect you. That means he was willing to sleep with you the moment he got a "no, no... well, maybe..." He didn't respect your opinion, your beliefs, your right to choose, your comfort level or your right to say NO. Even if he never sexually assaults you again, his basic ability to completely deny you as human being and ignore your opinion is enough of a reason to dump him.
Dump him.
If you find this incident still lingering, and making you upset, talk to a trusted adult or counselor. Don't carry the memory of this one asshole of a little boy with you and let it ruin your happiness.
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The Question
Ok I know long distance relationships never work, but maybe they can?
Should i even get my hopes up? Ok let me tell you the story.
I met him in the summer of 2005 and he fell instantly in "love" with me and we kissed but that was pretty much it. He lives in Connecticut and i live in Florida. We talked a bit after that but not really much. But recently i have gotten back in touch with him, but all he wants to talk about is having sex with me. I am going up there in december so i don't know whether i should or shouldn't do anythign with him...... one he has a g/f but he says he doesn't really love her, he loves me and blah blah blah but he refuses to break up with her. two i really don't want to be this slut and have sex with him when i actually have feeling but he doesn't. but he always says he does....he says he might move down here cause he has family down here but i don't know if that will happen...... so i don't know i think i should stop but i actually have feeling so it is kinda hard
HELP!!!!
will rate high!
The Answer
Look, he might actually have feelings for you, but he certainly doesn't have the kind of feelings you want him to have.
He has a girlfriend, which perssuambly means he is getting regular nookie, but he really wants some from you too and from her, hell, probably at the same time if he could get it.
He is NOT going to move. That is a flat out lie and you know it. Which makes everything else he says seem a bit fishy too...
Not only should you not do anything with him, you should have nothing at all to do with him. There is no reason to speak to such a person...
But you already know all that, all you are doing is waiting for the courage to break it off. When that comes, you'll end this, just like you know you should.
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The Question
I'm very depressed and don't know what to do about it. I don't want my depression to go to far and me do something I shouldn't do. I know I'm depressed because I should be happy. I have a boyfriend, friends, even best friends, a decent family, and no money problems or anything. I mean nothing is really wrong with my life. The thing is my boyfriend cheated on me after four month of being together and I don't think I've gotten over it. We've been together for a year and something now. He's done little things like text messaging girls that he's had dreams about having sex with them, and stuff like that... The thing is I love him. I want get over this already, but I don't think I can. He's what makes me happiest, and I think the problem is that I need to learn how to be how happy I am now with him without him. I'm guess I'm scared that that isn't possible. My best friend Kristina isn't there for me anymore as far as my boyfriend. I can't talk to her about it and I can't talk to my boyfriend about how I feel. I would just make him sad or frusturate him and I definatly don't want to do that. I kind of tried talking to my family and what they said is that I shouldn't have to deal with that. I don't want to break up with him, but I think I need some time off. I don't want to tell him that. Whenever I do something without my boyfriend he ends up having more fun than me and it makes me feel like I should've gone with him, and I start to feel bad. My family isn't all that great my dad's always angry and my little brother is weird... My big brother isn't always here because he goes to college in chicago and my mom is probably just as hurt as I am. I used to have two dogs, but they ran away. My best friends don't go to my high school and I don't see them much. I need some help on how to be happy again. I have a lot, but at the same time what I have is giving me something to be sad about I guess. Any ideas on how I can be happy again?
The Answer
You shouldn't have to deal with a boyfriend who you cannot trust, and should NEVER, and I really mean NEVER, be afriad to tell your partner how you feel.
If you are afriad to tell your partner your fears, concerns and feelings, you aren't in a relationship. You have become a slave to insecurities and thier emotions.
Don't be so quick to label yourself as 'depressed'. Depression, to an extent, is a natural and normal reaction when things are poopy and frankly hun, you've lost pets, friends, trouble with family and your boyfriend... things in your life ARE kinda poopy! It's okay to feel kinda poopy.
Your real problem here (besides the fact that you shouldn't be with this guy, but lets just ignore that for a mintute, you'll end it when you are ready too) is that you can't find happiness in yourself.
Start small. Declare one evening in a week YOUR evening. Go to a movie, or a play, or rent a movie and get some take that you love just for you. Read a favorite book while munching on double-fudge icecream. Take a long bubble bath. Get a manicure. For at least three hours, do only something that makes you feel really good. Each time your brain kicks in with thoughts about your boyfriend or stresses just tell yourself "No. Right now is about enjoying myself. When I'm done we can worry about that agian."
That is the first step. The second step is not to feel bad about it afterwards, and the last step is to do it agian. Maybe join a club, try out for something, do something by yourself for yourself.
The truth is, happiness isn't something you just get. It's something we all work for, fight for and expect for ourselves. Raise your expectations. Be willing to work for it. Only then if you can't find it, should you start thinking about depression and professional help.
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The Question
There's this guy in my class, he's so stupid but i thought we were friends. In class he didn't know how to do anything that we were learning on the computer so i did half the work for him and then he told me to finish the whole thing up since i'd do it faster.
I finished the WHOLE thing for him and just as i was about to work on my computer, the teacher assigns more things to do on the computer.
I was starting to work on my computer and then he tells me to work on it and I'm like no and he called me a douche bag.
Are we friends?
Maybe he just said douche bag at the heat of the moment?
Maybe I'm looking in too much of this?
The Answer
What 'heat of the moment'? You were doing his goddamn work for him. If that is what it takes for him to get 'heated' I'd hate to see what he'd call you if you lent him money.
So, let's look a bit further into this shall we?
He is, at very best, a lazy jerk with a nasty tougue.
If he considers you a 'friend' he treats his friends pretty shabbily.
If you consider him a friend, you put up with more shit then I would.
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The Question
20/f My little sister died eight months ago and all but one of my friends in college completely failed me. They continued to spend most of our time together talking about and doing things I couldn't participate in. They often played violent video games when I was in the room even though I told them how much it bothered me (and they weren't playing when I eneterd the room). They even criticized how I was grieving and got mad at me for being a killjoy. I have spoken with them over a dozen times about how their behavior often excludes me or just makes me feel worse. I know it's selfish, but I wanted to be the center of attention for a little while, while I healed from my tragic loss- but they refuse.
I am moving away soon, and would really like to forget most of them and never return. Only, two of them are getting married soon and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. The only other bridesmaid is the bride's 17y/o sister who has no money and is very irresponsible. I would pretty much be on my own for planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party and I would be doing it from far away. This would take a lot of time, energy and money. I really don't feel like putting in any work for her- but I still would like to attend the wedding as I've never been to one and would like to see the one friend who went above and beyond to support me during my time of need.
I'm not normally this selfish. But the bride-to-be has treated me awfully. At this point I don't even care about her. She's getting married because she was pregnant (miscarried though, after knowing about the child for two weeks). She's only dated this guy for six months. And she's annoying and stupid. She doesn't know how much I dislike her because I see no point in intentionally hurting her.
Should I suck it up and help her anyway? Is there a polite way to refuse being a bridesmaid, but still be invited to the wedding? Or should I not go since my only motives are selfish?
The Answer
You can certainly politely decline. The bride might be hurt and petty over it, but you can't control that, all you can control is the content of your message and behavoir towards her. So keep those things perfect.
Tell her your very realistic concerns: This is a busy time for you, you wouldn't be nearby and you feel you couldn't possible do a good job as her bridesmaid under these conditions. Tell her you'd love to be a geust at the feativities, but feel you just can't devote the time it would take to be a bridesmaid and you don't want to let her down.
Keep your message firm but friendly and you should pull through with your dignity intact.
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The Question
Ok. I am having a hard time deciding who i should go for.. can you help?
guy 1 - He wants to get back with me we were dating for 1 year we have a lot in common. I broke up with him because he almost cheated on me and i could never get over the trust thing and i met another guy [but that didnt work out]. He really loves me and cares about me but we fight all the time still. I love him but im not sure.
guy 2- He moved to Texas he used to live out here. He is moving back out here he likes me we have a lot in common but he keeps getting arrested for being a dumbass out in texas so the day that he comes back out here keeps getting set back. He talks to a lot of girls though and i kind of have a feeling hes a man hoe but im not sure. he says that if he were out here we would already be dating.
guy 3- He says he likes me and gets pissed when i dont act like i like him back. hes cool and fun to be around but he constantly talks to his ex that he claims he's over. He also has pics of some naked girl on his phone. i dont know if he really likes me or if he just wants to have sex with me because he makes references to it all the time. he says that im hot and that he likes me because we have stuff in common.
who would you choose..or what should i do?
The Answer
Guy One - Too much bagage for happiness Dumbass.
Guy Two - General, all-around, sort of Dumbass.
Guy Three - Sounds sort of controlling and Over-sexed Dumbass.
The reason you aren't sure who to 'go for' is because none of them are really worth it.
Wait for some better offers to come in.
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The Question
Okay, so I’m basically asking about ‘Love’. I know the word is really powerful and so is the feeling. And I’ve noticed people say it when they don’t really mean it. Plus, a lot of people get hurt over it. But, I have a question about it. Is there such thing as ‘puppy love’. You know, I would call it ‘teenage love’. There has to be different kind of loves. Like: the way you ‘love’ your family, the way you ‘love’ your friends, the way you ‘love’ a husband, the way you ‘love’ a pet, and the way you ‘love’ a boyfriend. They can’t all be the same kind of love, can they? Because I am a teenager with a boyfriend that I ‘love’...but not the way you would love a husband or anything. I would almost call it ‘teenage love’ because we are still young. And plus, we don’t really understand the meaning of love, right? So, could anyone explain this to me. I just want to understand the meaning of love a little bit more than I do right now. Is there different types of love? It would be nice to have this explained a little bit further. And it would help if I was told that I make sense or not. Because sometimes, I don’t know what im talking about. I just want this clarified for me. =) Thanks in advance!
The Answer
I'm not so much going to answer your question myself, as I am going to suggest a book.
The book is called The Four Loves, it was written by C.S. Lewis (same guy who wrote The Chronicles of Narnia, he also wrote philosophy texts. Cool eh?).
If you are Christian you'll really relate too it, there is a LOT of mention of God in it since the writer was a late convert himself, but even if you aren't a Christian I think you'll find the book really valuable and it will help getting you thinking and defining what 'love is'. Basically, it's a good summary and introduction to the kind of thinking you starting to do. I read it for the first time when I was about sixteen and I would recommend it to anyone starting to look at the same questions.
It doesn't have all the answers, but what does? It's a good place to start.
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The Question
I have decided that I want to sew. Like sew clothing. I have a couple questions:
1. How do you do the runching on the neck of this dress?
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/popups/popup_views.jsp?color=11&productid=14244800&itemdescription=
2. Where are some places I can get good quality fabric besides Joann Fabrics?
3. You know on henley shirts there's like colored seams and buttons? Well, how do I make the button holes the perfect size and shape and everything like brand name clothes? And what do those colored seams on the shoulder blades and around the neck keep together and how do I sew them properly?
The Answer
Take a class.
I don't want to even TRY to explain gathering (which are what have been done to the top of that dress) or bias binding and piping (which is what I think you mean about the shirts) over the internet. I don't think it can be done.
Sewing is one of those skills that really, really requires a skilled teacher to show you how. Once you have some of the basics, then you can experiment, but for right now try to find a person or a place where you can taken an introductory class.
In the mean time, pick up a copy of the Readers Digest's Complete Guide to Sewing. It will really help you out as you get started.
Oh, and you'll need a sewing machine to make nice button holes. Most machines have a setting to do just that.
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The Question
Alright, so i don't really remember what this movie is about, or how to really explain it, but does anyone know what this movie is?
Its about some guy and i think that his wife and daughter die, and now he basically wants to do anything he can to get back with them. i think at the end they actually end up being with eachother again. some scenes i remember are where he drops down from someplace (i think he actualyl goes to hell) and he's in a pit of skeletons (mostly skulls) and then hes tryin to get out. then theres this whole part i think with him going down to hell. then there is also this whole deal about some picture. i think that his wife owned a art gallery or something, and somehow he like goes into the picture?? and i thinks its of a field with some lake in it too. sorry this is really random, but do you have any idea what his movie is?
The Answer
I can't believe that I know what you are talking about, but I do.
You are thinking about What Dreams May Comes. It's quite a lovely Robbin Williams movie from a few years ago.
Read the summary here to make sure I'm right, but I'm pretty sure that is it...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Dreams_May_Come_%28film%29
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The Question
Okay so here it goes. I have a guy friend that I really like(I’m 20 and he’s 27), and I am pretty sure he likes me too. I catch him staring at me all the time and he is always playfully hitting me and joking around. He and I will go places together and he frequently pays for whatever we are doing. We live right next to each other so he is usually either at my house or I am at his. I house sat last week and he called me every night that I was gone and we would talk on the phone for hours. He told me that he didn’t want me to be lonely or bored. I also have texts from him saying that He is really shy around me and that I make him blush. I have had quite a few people tell me that they are positive he likes me because they see the way he acts and looks at me. He will sometimes make comments that leave me confused. Like the other day he asked me how far apart my parents were and I told him they are 8 years apart. Then he turned to me and he was like “that would be like if we were dating.” Or another time we were playfully hitting each other and he was like “Damn, if you and I were dating we would be black and blue” So does he like me?
Now here’s for the hard part. He’s engaged. And he has been with her for 9 years. I know what you’re thinking. I’m not a home wrecker. I wouldn’t do anything with him. I want to, but I never would if he was still with her. But anyways he proposed to her last Christmas and they still haven’t set a date. They don’t live together (which I think is strange. If I was going to be married to somebody I’d like to know if I could stand living with them first), and they only see each other once or twice a week. Other than that, they will talk on the phone a couple times a day. Before he proposed to her all she would talk about was how big she wanted her diamond to be and how much she thought it should cost. And she would go on and on and on. My parents (who know him too) think he proposed to her just to shut her up. She is also going to be leaving here for another four years of college in another city, and he’s not going with her. Is that weird? Would you propose to someone when you knew they would be leaving for four years?
I don’t know what to do. I want to tell him that I like him, but I don’t know how or even if I really should. I wouldn’t even know how to go about telling him. And I don’t want to ruin our relationship either. I’m really confused. I find myself thinking about him constantly and I feel horrible because I know I shouldn’t feel that way for someone who’s taken, but you can’t help who you like right? Sorry for making this so long. Thank You to everyone who takes the time to read this. I appreciate it.
The Answer
Hun, you are 'doing something'. You've allowed your relationship with this guy to pass the friendly mark.
Neither have said anything, or done anything, but you both know there is more than friendship there, and that is something.
Don't do anything more, like telling him your feelings, until he has sorted things out with his fiance.
It doesn't matter if his relationship with her is deeply warpped and unhappy, he still made a promise and an agreement with her. Until he changes that agreement, keep your mouth shut.
You might also consider giving him some space and taking a step back from the parts of your relationship which you feel are a bit over the line.
Don't kid yourself: If there weren't things you two were saying and doing that you felt were 'a bit over the line' you wouldn't be asking this question.
I'm not saying your a bad person, not at all. You are right about not being able to help the way we feel, but we can help the way we act, and all your offered justifications about how weak his relationship with his girlfriend is means that you are trying to justify what you know isn’t perfect behavior on your part (and certainly NOT on his part either.)
Be his friend, just his friend, until the day when you can honestly and respectfully be something more. If his relationship ends, it should end because of his unhappiness, not because he has you waiting in the wings. He’ll be a better and smarter person for that and the two of you will have a healthier chance as well.
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The Question
So this boy Eric has a crush on my boyfriend. He gets calls from Eric in the middle of our dates sometimes and it's completely random. Recently, we heard that Eric told his friend he was gay. The way he was acting and the things he has said, he surely does has the hots for my boyfriend. Besides calling him hottie, sexy, blah. My boyfriend is straight. He really wants Eric to leave him alone [not in a homophobic way, in a flirting way], but the thing is "he doesn't know Eric's gay yet". Eric wanted to speak with him alone for a bit and I'm assuming it was supposed to be about that . Some other chick is trying to hook Eric up with my boyfriend. So he's trying to avoid the guy But he's doing it all wrong. It's making it worse since someone pointed it out that it may look as though, he's playing hard to get. Where & what should my boyfriend tell him? When is the right time? Should my boyfriend just go for it before Eric says he is gay? The guy is beginning to become a bit stalker ish.
The Answer
Chill out and back off.
It really isn't your place to 'out' Eric to your boyfriend, no matter how certain you are that he is gay.
Change your tatic and ENCOURAGE your boyfriend to have a this private talk with Eric. The right time for this talk is NOW. It's not about Eric getting a chance to speak, it's about your boyfriend getting a chance say STOP. If your boyfriend aint gay, Eric aint gonna get anywhere with this 'talk' even if he does poor his heart out.
Before the talk, ask your boyfriend about what he thinks Erics problem is, encourage him and help him to create a kind but very firm response of "I'm not interested. I will never be interested. You need to stop calling/follwing/ectra." You could tell him that you have *heard* Eric is gay, butas Eric hasn't told you, you don't know for sure.
I know this issue is really effecting you and your time with your boyfriend, but it still really isn't *your* issue to deal with, it's your boyfriends. The best thing you can do is be supportive and patient with him while he deals with it.
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The Question
ok ther is this girl christina and she is mad at me beause i told her that i didnt like her huggin and flirtin with my boy friend and she said she cant be my friend any more bcause i dont trust her she swares she dont like him but i dont well didnt want him to start likein her and then she proswaded him 2 brake up with me and he did(you see they was friends way before me and him were) and thats why he did. but am i the bad guy(girl) here?andi do miss her as my friend and ive tried to be her friend againbut all she does is be her bitchy self soo?
The Answer
Look, he chose to break up with you. She doesn't have brainwashing mutant powers so she didn't make him break up with you anymore then she could have made him start liking her AND she does have a point.
If you can't trust your friend and your boyfriend not to fool around behind your back, you got issues and/or poor taste in friends and boyfriends.
You blew it out of a proportion and then they blew it out of proportion even bigger! It was just badness all around.
If you don't find her pleasant to be around now, don't be her friend.
Don't 'kick her ass'. That is unbearably grade school. Nobody handled this well, not her, not you, not the guy. Let it go.
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The Question
16/f.
I met a guy online (very stupid idea, I know.) and well...we started talking on MSN (he's 18) for a couple of months. and then he starts telling me he cares for me. then in a week, he loves me and he has a major crush on me.
I'm like...wait wait...hold up..WHAT? You don't even know me..!
My question is....is it possible to actually feel love online?
He keeps on insisting it and I don't know if he's bullshitting me.
Advice?
The Answer
He probably isn't bullshitting you. He probably is actually that stupid.
Stop talking to him hun. He makes you uncomfortable, you don't trust him and you obviously have a very different idea of what 'love' entails. There is no reason to keep speaking to him as much, or to be taking him so seriously. Take a step back.
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The Question
OK, this is my 3rd question about this guy, if you havent read my other questions....ill fill you in:
Okay so this guy really likes me and keeps following me wherever i go. He gets really close to my face when he talks and is obnoxious and annoying. a tad bit rude too. Im ognoring him at the moment, and its NOY WORKING. He just wont give up. Im actually ANGRY. I dotn know what to do other than to tell him straight up thaat i dont want him following me. But he recently got transfered to 2 of my classes and sat next to me in both. One of them was my favorite classes and now hes in it. I know its not his doing, but he atleast can make an effort to try to stay away from me. No, he knows im avoiding him and is still ding every little thing he possibly can to be near me. Its gotten to the point where i cant even hang out with my own friends! Im really upset and angry, and i really need some help, and help that will work and keep away from me and out of my life.
The Answer
Tell him, clearly and loudly, that you want him to stop following you and leave you alone. You don't need to be mean, but don't be friendly either. Be cold and to the point.
Don't ask him what is problem is if you really don't care. I wouldn't care what his problem is if I were you. I would simply want him to stop being my problem.
Then speak to your teacher or principals. Just walk up to them and ask to speak to them privatly for a minute. You don't need to insult him, but make sure they know that his behavoir is making you upset and uncomfortable. They can't do much for you at this point, but at least you will have let someone know you have asked him to stop if he doesn't.
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The Question
So my boyfriend was hitting my face with a shoe [sparring gear] He didn't realize it was hurting me. He didn't stop after I gave him a look to. So when he stopped a few seconds later, he did it again so out of nowhere, I slapped him. He got really upset and later said it was disrespectful. I don't know what to do! He didn't even think about what he was doing to me. I know what I did was wrong, i quickly realized that. I did something before thinking but it wasn't a hard slap. What am i supposed to say or do? he's completely pouring this out on me. i just want it to stop.
The Answer
Apologize for slapping him, but inform him that your real mistake was not just telling him flat out that he was being a jerk.
Promise to use language next time he annoys you, not just nasty looks and ask him to put this behind you both.
If he can't, he isn't very nice.
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The Question
17/F
So yeah. I'm friends with a lot of boys in my school. Girls have never really liked me, so I surround myself with boys. I have about 20 good guy friends. All of my guy friends and even some guys that I'm not really friends with always make sexual references towards me. Anything that has to do with anything sexual, they'll bring me into it. They call me a slut, a whore, a hooker, whatever. I know they're joking around, but why do they do it? It's always me. It's always been me thats been called the slut or the whore.
The thing is, I am in no way a slut. I've kissed two boys in my life. They know that. I know I'm not skanky. But why do they say all these things to me? They all always watch me eat at lunch too, especially if I have a banana or something haha. Does this mean that they like me? That they think of me in that way a lot? What does it mean because its been confusing me for a year. Any input would help. Just so you know, it doesn't bother me emotionally. They're not taunting me or anything, it can just get annoying.
The Answer
Yes, they are guys, and yes they are fooling around and don't mean it, just like the other advisors have said.
HOWEVER, that doesn't make it okay. As thier female friend you will be doing them a favor if you tell them flat out that certain words are 'endearing' or funny. They will get thier asses very firmly dumped for treating many other girls the way they treat you.
Some gentle teasing is fine, but your friends have crossed the line into disrespectful if you can't eat a banana in peace.
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The Question
i like to lock my door when i'm doing homework but my dad gets so angry. i tried explaining him that its just a reflex when i go into my room and i do it so i dont get distractions from my siblings but he like flips out when i lock my door, how should i approach this problem?
The Answer
Don't lock your door. Break that habit. Encourage your family to knock.
It's your parent's home. If one of them says "No locking your bedroom door" that is pretty much thier right. It's suspicious, unnecessary and frankly, a bit dangerous to be sitting behind a locked door in your own home. It also clearly makes your father extremely nervous. Be sympathetic to that: Parents don’t have to be perfect. They are allowed to have their hang-ups. Life goes smoother for everyone if you can take a deep breath and accept the ones that really aren't a big deal anyways.
Tell you dad you will stop locking your door but would like his help with training your siblings to leave you alone or to knock when they need something. A good trick with smaller children is to firmly tell them "You need to go back outside and knock before I am willing to speak to you."
Interruptions are part of communal living, as are the occasional ultimatum. Stop locking your door. Find another solution to the problem. You’ll gain your father's trust and respect and likely a better relationship with your siblings too.
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The Question
Well, its kinda awkward to talk about this to my friends or mom. I like this guy, and i have no expirience, but he has a lot. I am 14, and i have never made out with anyone :\, and he had already made out with at least 5 people, and has fingered his ex, and my friend gave him a blow job.
Well, i think he kinda likes me and i want to make oout with me, but i dont want him to tell people i was bad, and i dont want to do it in front of people. What should i do??
Also, about the finger thing, well, i dont think it will get that far, but should i shave my vagina? Dont say, "Its up to you" just tell me what a guy would want...Sorry its so long, and thanks :]
The Answer
This is not advice. This is fact.
It's deeply self-destructive to make out with someone who you can't even trust not to go bashing you behind your back.
If you can't trust this guy even so far as to not insult you because of your inexperience to others, and maybe even to your face, why do you want to make out with him? What is the appeal of a guy who you don't think even respects you that much?
Find a guy who can gently and respectfully guide you, or one who can learn and explore with you.
This should be about discovering and experiencing, not about being judged by him and everyone he tells.
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The Question
15/f
ok i kinda like my boyfriend best friend and one night i had called him and we was talking for a while then our conversation got deep and we started talking about sex and what will happen if he comes see me cuz hes coming down here for christmas im very interested in him b/c hes different but i love my boifriend and i dont want to cheat so do you have any ideas on how to stop liking my boifriend best friend thanx
The Answer
Stop talking to him.
If you keep talking, you are probably going to cheat. Your boyfriend might even think you already have if he found out about your phone calls.
So don't talk him. At all. Don't invite him to visit. You may still like him, but at least neither of you can do anything dumb that way.
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The Question
16/f
okay, ive been on birth control for about 2 weeks. my appetite has increased unhealthily. one night i had my own box of macaroni and cheese, 2 slices of pizza and some cookies after..in one night. its become scary. ive never had weight problems, im 5'5" and i weighed 115. i now weigh 125. and i know that is actually a healthy weight, but my stomach is bulging. even my mom asked me if i was pregnant. my mom said that this could be the birth control adjusting to my body and it can sometimes make your body think its pregnant, is this even possible? im really athletic and i do year round sports and go to the gym so fitness isnt a problem but i continually am active or at the gym..but my stomach isnt going away. any help/answers?
thank youuu!
The Answer
Birth control can increase your appetite and make it easier to develop fat.
It shouldn't cause (and frankly probably isn't solely responsible for) that much weight in that short of a time frame. Especially not if you've remained active.
Go back to your doctor and discuss this. Switching brands of birth control might help. ALSO, use some self restraint. You might still feel 'hungry', the birth control might really be effecting you, but even if you do, mac and cheese, pizza and cookies are not exactly the kind of meal choices that are going to keep you slim.]
You are getting older. Your metabolism will start to slow down with or without the birth control. That much is normal. Cut down on the junk.
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