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Is This Bad?
Okay so here it goes. I have a guy friend that I really like(I’m 20 and he’s 27), and I am pretty sure he likes me too. I catch him staring at me all the time and he is always playfully hitting me and joking around. He and I will go places together and he frequently pays for whatever we are doing. We live right next to each other so he is usually either at my house or I am at his. I house sat last week and he called me every night that I was gone and we would talk on the phone for hours. He told me that he didn’t want me to be lonely or bored. I also have texts from him saying that He is really shy around me and that I make him blush. I have had quite a few people tell me that they are positive he likes me because they see the way he acts and looks at me. He will sometimes make comments that leave me confused. Like the other day he asked me how far apart my parents were and I told him they are 8 years apart. Then he turned to me and he was like “that would be like if we were dating.” Or another time we were playfully hitting each other and he was like “Damn, if you and I were dating we would be black and blue” So does he like me?
Now here’s for the hard part. He’s engaged. And he has been with her for 9 years. I know what you’re thinking. I’m not a home wrecker. I wouldn’t do anything with him. I want to, but I never would if he was still with her. But anyways he proposed to her last Christmas and they still haven’t set a date. They don’t live together (which I think is strange. If I was going to be married to somebody I’d like to know if I could stand living with them first), and they only see each other once or twice a week. Other than that, they will talk on the phone a couple times a day. Before he proposed to her all she would talk about was how big she wanted her diamond to be and how much she thought it should cost. And she would go on and on and on. My parents (who know him too) think he proposed to her just to shut her up. She is also going to be leaving here for another four years of college in another city, and he’s not going with her. Is that weird? Would you propose to someone when you knew they would be leaving for four years?
I don’t know what to do. I want to tell him that I like him, but I don’t know how or even if I really should. I wouldn’t even know how to go about telling him. And I don’t want to ruin our relationship either. I’m really confused. I find myself thinking about him constantly and I feel horrible because I know I shouldn’t feel that way for someone who’s taken, but you can’t help who you like right? Sorry for making this so long. Thank You to everyone who takes the time to read this. I appreciate it.
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I'm sorry but I have to disagree with that last answer. Firstly the age gap is nothing so don't be wary of that. Okay yes you have let yourself go somewhere you shouldn't but just remember you can't control who your heart falls for. It is a really tough situation. From what you've typed here I do believe there is more in this relationship than friendship on both sides. The comments he's made to me tell me he wants your opinion and could be trying to figure out whether your into him and what your feelings are about you 2 being in a relationship. I feel it is strange that they don't live together or see each other often. And i agree I wouldn't propose to someone I knew was going away for 4 years without me. I seriously do not think you should keep your mouth shut, this situation is eating at you from deep inside and its going to cause you a lot more problems and pain if you don't state your true feelings, you would be lying to him and yourself. Its only natural to be worried about what may happen to your relationship you already have but being that your both in your 20's you should be able to be mature and act appropriately on the situation. One thing I have to ask is what would you do if you 2 got together when he left for college?
Perhaps you could start throwing some comments back at him to give him the picture your into him.
Best of Luck xx
You only live once, take chances.
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Hun, you are 'doing something'. You've allowed your relationship with this guy to pass the friendly mark.
Neither have said anything, or done anything, but you both know there is more than friendship there, and that is something.
Don't do anything more, like telling him your feelings, until he has sorted things out with his fiance.
It doesn't matter if his relationship with her is deeply warpped and unhappy, he still made a promise and an agreement with her. Until he changes that agreement, keep your mouth shut.
You might also consider giving him some space and taking a step back from the parts of your relationship which you feel are a bit over the line.
Don't kid yourself: If there weren't things you two were saying and doing that you felt were 'a bit over the line' you wouldn't be asking this question.
I'm not saying your a bad person, not at all. You are right about not being able to help the way we feel, but we can help the way we act, and all your offered justifications about how weak his relationship with his girlfriend is means that you are trying to justify what you know isn’t perfect behavior on your part (and certainly NOT on his part either.)
Be his friend, just his friend, until the day when you can honestly and respectfully be something more. If his relationship ends, it should end because of his unhappiness, not because he has you waiting in the wings. He’ll be a better and smarter person for that and the two of you will have a healthier chance as well.
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