adviceman49's advice column | Page 214

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

141007

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Hi,
I think I may have a sleeping problem... Like last year and sort of this year I've been noticing how tired I am after school. Usually when I get home I would eat supper and try to go straight into homework, but whenever I do try, a few minutes into it I start noticing that I get even more tired and then the next thing I know I am sleeping throughout the whole evening and all through the night until the morning, and like when I wakeup, most of the time i do not remember myself going go sleep. It's such a bad habit that my body has developed cause its sorta starting to effect my grades and dedication to school. And I swear I try not to be lazy but I just can't fight it, it's like once I'm tired I'm like in a haze and I can't control it. This sometimes happens on and off, but for the most part, it's been happening more frequently now .. What is wrong with me What should I do ? Should I go see the doctor ?

Yes you need to see a doctor. I am not a doctor and even if I was I could not make a diagnoses without an examination and a blood test. There are a number of different illnesses that have similar symptoms.

The interesting part, if you forgive me, is that this is not a constant but an infrequent event that is happening more often. Make sure to tell you doctor about this. when it started ans stopped and when it returned. Was there any change in your daily routine or travels, including changes in class room assignments as it is possible the problem could be environmentally. It is probably not but the more information your doctor has the better the doctor will be able to make a diagnoses.

You have not given your age so I can't tell if you live at home or in a college dorm. Where ever you live you might also have your room checked for mold.

Most importantly is to see your doctor. If the doctor cannot find a physical problem then you have to look for an environmental problem such as mold.

Pipes can have small leaks behind the wall that go unnoticed and mold begins to build. This is why I am suggesting a check for mold in and around your room.

Ever since I landed on my right knee awkwardly playing basketball it has been sore for about too weeks. When I walk i find it sore(the pain is to the right of the kneecap) and when I'm not moving I just have this tingly feeling in my knee.
I have always had a "week" right knee but I have never experienced anything like this before. FYI I'm 14 nearly 15. Any advice??

Have your parents take you to an Orthopedic Surgeon. You may have injured something in the knee. I'm not a doctor but by your description it sounds like when I tore my meniscus. See URL below for more information.

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/meniscus-tear-topic-overview

AN MRI of the knee will be needed to see if the meniscus is torn or any other injury has been done to the knee. If you have torn the meniscus you may or may not need surgery depending on the type of tear. This of course will be the doctors call depending on the results of the MRI.

This injury does not heal by itself it needs medical intervention, So tell mom or dad that you hurt your knee and you need to see a sports medicine doctor, which is also an Orthopedic Surgeon.

what are some good examples/ interesting ideas of thesis statements I can make about methamphetamine for a research paper? im having trouble zoning in one one topic. any advice?

Like the previous adviser it would help to know the level of the paper you are writing.

Most of my working life has been as a first responder with the fire department. Meth labs are probably one of the most dangerous buildings for us or the police to come across. If one should explode or the building catch fire the meth lab creates a host of new problems for us in fighting that fire and protecting other properties.

You may want to choose for your topic "Meth Labs and the problems they create for Public Safety and the community."

You would interview Narcotics Detectives, Fire Fighters and in some communities even the Bomb Squad gets involved in dismantling a Meth Lab. From there you work back up the chain to the Patrol Officer and the problems Meth creates for them. You can even go further and interview Juvenile and District Court Judges for their views and the problems they have in adjudicating meth users and meth lab operators.

This could make for an interesting paper especially if you can find a rehab center that will allow you to interview a recovering meth user to complete your paper.

16/F

Me and my boyfriend I guess had sex but I don't think he "popped my cherry" so am I still a virgin or no? My friend says since his dick was inside of me im not.. and how do I know if he popped my cherry or not??/:

By definition you are a non-virgin. Once you have had intercourse; which by definition is the penetration of your vagina by a penis. You have lost your virginity.

Losing of you hyman can happen without intercourse. If you use tampons you could have broken you hymen. As a young girl you could have lost your Hyman, bike riding, horseback riding or through a variety of sports or dancing.

18/f

I'm going in for an open interview at Petco and I was wondering what you're supposed to wear. This is my first interview and I really don't know what to expect and what questions they'd ask.
Is it any different than any other kind of interview?
Should I stick with a black skirt and flats?
Any advice would be appreciated.

Interviewing is a learned skill. The more jobs you apply for and get interviewed for the better you will get at it. The first thing you need to do is to put a resume together. At your age your resume is going to be short on job experience and may be only a few part-time jobs or no part time jobs after school or during summer break.

There are a few good templates one MS Word to look at to use as a format for your resume. Pick one that best work for you.

As someone who has done the interviewing and interviewed for jobs myself I can tell you we each have our own way and list of questions to ask. I once applied for a retail job in an electrical supply store. I expected to be asked questions about my knowledge of the industry. Instead the owner was more interested in my military career and asked question on repaired the different airplanes I worked on. There was only one job opening and after the interview I never thought I would get the job. I did and that led to a career where I was later hired to be a manufactures representative to the wholesale electrical industry.

Moral of the story is be prepared for any question. I learned for this experience and later used it myself. Instead of the so called dreaded question, "tell me about yourself" I would look at a application and find something in the past I would ask them to tell me about and see if they could educate me on that subject somewhat for that is what selling is about. Educating people about product.

Put together a resume and use it in completing job applications. Then be prepared to answer questions about you're interest and hobbies or community service. As to the dreaded questions be honest as it is easier to remember an honest answer and we can tell honest from a canned answer. If you need to learn to be a more detailed person and are working to that end, say so and how you are doing it.

I hope I have helped you. Good luck on the interview. As for dressing for the interview. Wear what you would wear to a fancy restaurant but with less makeup and jewelry. A nice skirt and blouse or a nice dress with maybe a small necklace.

so i just had sex for the 4th time and it hurt alittle but all the times i had sex didnt feel good even this one is that normaly also he makes me really wet but still dosent feel good

I wish you had included your age as it would make answering this question more specific to you rather than a general answer.

Going by your topic; I would believe you are telling us that this is the 4th time you have had sex including the loosing of your virginity. The pain should lessen each time you have sex. If it is not then there are several reasons for this.

Depending on the type of pain you are experiencing there could be several reasons.

1)You're Hyman may not have totally torn and is still attach. During intercourse the pulling on what is left of your Hyman is the cause of your pain. You will need to see your GYN to have the remainder of your Hyman removed.

2)You are not completely at ease and comfortable with having sex for a variety of reasons. Fear of pregnancy is the biggest reason followed by not being comfortable where your having sex. Then the biggest one after pregnancy is being discovered while your having sex by one of your parents. This causes you to be uptight and will not allow you to relax enough to allow comfortable penetration.

3) You are having sex for all the wrong reasons. The biggest one here is; your boyfriend has said if you don't have sex with him he will find a girl who will. If this is the case then stop having sex with him. He does not love or respect you. I'm not even sure how much he lusts for you as much as he needs a willing vagina to get off in.

Now being really wet should make things easier as this is the lubricant needed for the penis to enter the vagina without pain. It is almost impossible for intercourse to take place without some type of lubrication, natural or artificial as a penis cannot enter without painfully harming the interior of the vagina without lubrication.

Part of the problem could be the boy. As boys we learn how to have sex or make love by watching porn movies or reading porn stories. These are not for education they are for titillation. For good sex there needs to be communication between partners.

By that I mean you two need to talk to each other before climbing into bed. You need to talk about likes and dislikes. You have to teach us how you like to be made love to. Young men/boys really have no idea how to make love. They do know how to get themselves of during intercourse though and this is where the problem for young lovers comes in.

The last write is also correct about the fact that we men also have very fragile egos when it comes to sex. We all believe we are the worlds greatest lovers. Fact is we are not, at least not until some women takes the time and has the courage to show her boyfriend how a women needs to be treated in bed so she too can enjoy the sex between them. Otherwise he is not making love to you he is using you for his own pleasure.

You need to talk to him and find out what he is doing or show him what he is doing that is hurting you. If it has anything to do with number 2 above then he needs to do something to make you feel comfortable and remove the fear of being caught.

If it is number three then I believe you should show him the door. There are other boys out there who will love you and respect you. That will not demand sex from you in return for their love until you are both ready for sex.

I also believe since you have recently lost your virginity a checkup with your GYN is proper just to make sure everything is okay.

i m 24 years...
soon m getting married to a girl.
i m confused that how many holes do a girl have; if there 2-3 holes.
for making a girl pregnant and if we want a child in which hole should i insert my penis so that we can have a gud news about pregnancy

A woman can only get pregnant by having sex for intercourse for her vagina. Vagina is located between her thighs.

Hey. So in 14F and I like a 20 year old* he is really nice. I want to know if he likes me 2? We were at the mall 2day. And the hole yime he sits close 2 me and so on* is it wrong 2 like hom? And do he like me? ----> ME

It is not a case of him liking you or you liking him. It is legally wrong for the two of you to be together even in the way you describe. I know of no state where the age of consent is 14 so even though you two are just sitting together. The fact that he is not a blood relative of yours puts him in danger of being arrested for statutory rape.

Then there is the fact of the 6 year difference in age to begin with. What logical reason would a man of 20 have for wanting to be with or date a 14 year old? There is none. This man could very likely be a sexual predator or already a sex offender. You could be in real physical danger.

My advice is to terminate this friendship immediately and to tell your parents about it. Especially if he approached you first.

i feel so much pain when my bf do anal sex with me my age and bf age 21,his pines 8 inch long and fat sometimes i m cry so much plz advice pian free sex

There is a great deal of information on this subject on the web. Just type into any search engine. "Pain Free Anal Sex". Then read what some of the experts have to say as to how to do so.

I am 24 years old and I think i might be pregnant here is my problem my mom says that I have the mind of a 13 year old legally she has court ordered custody of me and has papers saying that I cannot take care of myself and i afraid that if i am pregnant she will be able to force me to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption because we don't have the money to take care of a baby right now my mom is sick and had to retire earlier from her job because she was sick and could no longer work the boss drove her home that day and said come back when your better but she never did get better. we don't have any room for a baby we live in a 2 bedroom house 1 bathroom and we already have 3 kids living with us that my mom has custody of. I am also afraid that my boyfriend will go to jail for statutory rape laws because of how young i am in my mind please help me i am scared.

Razhie's answer is fairly correct. There could be a difference as to what degree of guardianship your mother has over you. Guardianship and custody are two different things, at 21 years of age your mom is more likely to be a guardian of you legal and monetary affairs. This all depends on the laws in the state where you live. You mom may feel she has total guardianship which she calls custody when in fact she is only responsible for your legal affairs.

The answer to your question truly lies in the court papers. Not being able to read them myself and not being a lawyer I am unable to give you any other advice other than: You have the legal right to seek interpretation of the court papers mom is holding over you. You can contact your local legal aid society and ask for their help in obtaining a copy of those papers and having them explained to you. This is the only way you will know what your rights are and what rights the courts have given to your mom.

By the way. The way you have written to us is much better then many 13 year old boys and girls that have written to us. While you are talking to the lawyer you might ask if you can be re-evaluated to see if there is still a need for any type of guardianship for you.

There is more at stake here than whether mom can order or make you have an abortion. There is also a great deal of money in the form of Social Security money and state aid for many of your needs. As your guardian these funds are going to your mom ans are suppose to be used for you. If they are not then she is wrong. This is another reason to seek help of a lawyer. It may be found upon reevaluation you are capable of living in a group home. Then the courts will appoint a different guardian for your monetary and legal affairs. A lawyer with knowledge of the laws of your state can better explain this to you. So I highly suggest you contact your local legal aid society for assistance.

Do you guys honestly think that everyone is destined to meet someone? Especially during a certain time of their life.
I feel like everyone around me has someone or has people in their life they could potentially be with. Whereas me, I don't know anyone who I can see myself with at all. I'm about to be 21 and I can honestly say I've never really been in true love before and Im scared because my life is going to get tougher and more hectic as I continue with school and my career and I'm worried I won't find anyone. I'm also worried that the longer I hold out on finding someone, the more people I could have potentially be with, will find someone else. Sorry for sounding a bit confusing with my thoughts. But what do you think?

In my lifetime I have learned that the longer and harder you try to deal with something, the harder it is going to be to find the answer. Your question fits quite nicely into that thought.

I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I have seen a lot of this type of worry and done a fair bit of it myself. There are times that you just have to relax and let life run its course. Then when you least expect it, wham o the answer smacks you in the face. In your case it most likely will be a beautiful kiss on the cheek that will make your legs grow week.

Your still very young and should be concentrating on school and your career. In today's world a women can have it all. A wonderful career, a husband and family. To get there you need to prioritize. If along the way the write man comes along you adjust. That doesn't mean you give up your goals in life.

Today many women put off marriage and families until they are much older than you. At 21 you are far from an old maid; a term from my grandparents era when a girl if she was not married by 18 was considered an old maid.

My advise is to relax and stop worrying. From what you have written I see nothing wrong with your life. You have goals you want to obtain. Those are good, somewhere along the way you will meet that guy who will make you weak in the knees just by a kiss on the cheek.

What does ADHD mean? Ive been talking to this guy and his best friend told me he has adhd. What is that?

AD/HD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This is a person that has trouble staying on task for any period of time and also cannot, in simple terms, sit still.

In school aged children it is also an over used or over diagnosed disorder to have children put on a powerful drug to control the disorder. It takes a trained specialist doctor to diagnose this illness, not teachers or the school psychologist. The Doctor best trained to diagnose this disorder should be a Board Certified psychiatrist.

In some states a psychologist with a PHD in psychology can write prescriptions for certain drugs which would include drugs to control AD/HD. Hopefully your friends parents took your friend to a psychiatrist rather than possibly accepting the school psychologists diagnoses.

If your friend is close to your age; some of the effects of puberty and AD/HD mimic each other. This is why a proper doctor needs to make the diagnoses.

how do i ask out a girl

It is really as easy as it sounds. If you know each other then you just go up to her and ask if she would like to go out with you. If she says yes then you ask her if, pick a day, she would like to go out with you that day and what time you would be by to pick her up.

Even in today's times it is always nice to be a gentleman and pick the girl up at her home, This way her parents get to meet you and they know you are a gentleman by coming and meeting them when picking there daughter up fro a date. As a gentleman they know you will respect her and treat her properly.

No Matter what a girl/lady may say in public, they want to be treated as a lady. Any boy/man that's treats them properly as a girl/lady scores big points with them. On this you will just have to trust me or ask you dad.

Hello,
Im A nursing student at university.
currently Im doing an essay on Neutropenic sepsis,
which is when chemotherapy causes a lowered neutrophil count and infection is more likely as the body is less able to combat it.

Am i right in thinking that one would have to recognise what infection cause the Neutropenic sepsis, and that would have to be addressed aswell and giving a broad specturm antibiotic?
or would the broad spectrum antibiotic combat it also.

While I understand you question. I am not a doctor and I cannot answer the question. I think you have the answer but like you I am questionable of my thinking.

I suggest you talk with your instructor or discuss this with a Hematologist/Oncologist for the right answer. There should be one willing to discuss this with you at the hospital you are doing your clinical's at.

I need any interesting topic for a speech i have to say in front of the whole 11th and 12th grade. Im in 11th grade. The topic has to be catchy and interesting and relatable. Pleas help! Thankyou.

This may not be a subject you want to explore though it is timely and relatable.

I'm offering this as after 30 years with the fire Department I begin to get horrified when prom season approaches. All to often in the early hours of the morning we get called out on auto accidents to find a car full of young people rapped around a tree or worse. Many times, to many times there is little or nothing we can do to help them but cut them out of the car and put them in a body bag and wait for the medical examiner to come.

The cause of these accidents are speed and alcohol. Speed and alcohol do not mix to begin with and teenagers should not be drinking in the first place.

Trauma medicine started in Maryland at the University of Maryland Hospital which now operates the highest level of Trauma Hospital in the country. It is called Baltimore Shock Trauma Center. They treat over 9,000 trauma patients a year.

Should you decide to do your speech on; "Prom night the Hazards of drinking and driving." Contact them for assistants. They have a great presentation they do for High Schools in the area. I'm sure from that presentation you can pull more than enough information for your speech. You can end with a Prom Contract not to drink and drive.

Hopefully your speech will mean that parents, teachers and firefighters in your school area will get a full nights sleep on prom night and you all arrive home safely in the morning.

How do I make my boyfriend last as long as I do to climax?

To be extremely honest; it takes practice and getting to know your partner.

This means communicating with your partner what you like and don't like. Do you need more foreplay before intercourse. As boys we learn much about making love from porn movies and magazines. This is not the right way to learn as these are for titillation not to educate.

Women have two ways of being sexually excited; vaginally and clitoral. The porn mostly shows women being vaginally excited during foreplay. You may be one of the 20% of women who need more clitoral stimulation. Then of course there is the foreplay itself where to touch you and how to excite you. The same goes for him telling you his likes, desires and dislikes.

Last but not least. If you boyfriend is quick on the trigger, not unusual for young men. There are techniques you can learn to hold of his ejaculation until your ready. You can research this on the web. Enter premature ejaculation and a host of answer sill come up on any search engine you use.

I recently went to my gynecologist for the annual Pap test and to receive treatment for a yeast infection (I had been itching the area quite a bit so some soreness as a result). I didn't realize until today that about one inch below the opening of my vagina (one one side),directly left of the bottom part of the vaginal opening, there is a lump underneath the skin. It's pretty small, about the size of a pea, and feels sore when pressed. I have had a cyst directly on the vulva a few years back, which drained on it's own. This may be the same kind of thing, but is deeper underneath the skin and slightly harder to the touch. I have been vaccinated against HPV, so doubtful that it's a wart (which would likely only be on the skin surface, and this is not).

Any reason to be worried, or does this sound like a harmless cyst? Any advice on what to do to help get rid of it?

As the other advisor wrote we are not doctors. what I will say and advise is: That lumps suddenly appearing anywhere on your body, especially your Breast and Vaginal area, need to examined by a doctor ASAP.

Most of the time they will turn out to be just what they appear to be a cyst that can be drained, a fibroid cyst that needs to be monitored or removed if it causes pain or in areas of hair growth an ingrown hair that is about to turn in to a boil that is going to need to be drained. Only your doctor can tell you what this lump is after an examination.

So as the other advisor advised I too recommend you call your GYN and tell the appointment secretary as she advised. For now though I would not worry. Your doctor will tell you when and if you have something to worry about. The odds are almost 100% you have nothing to worry about.

My 12 year old son recently told me that he had no friends and i just thought it was a phase until i popped into the lunchroom one day and he was sitting alone with no one at his table.

Sorry for such brief details but my iphone has 2% battery

I like the answers the others below have offered. I believe your next step is to have a discussion with some of his teachers and get their observations of your son in the classroom. Does he participate in class activities? Have they observed him being teased? Does he overreact if his space is violated? By the way is he getting good grades in all his subjects? This is also a signal that something could be bothering him if he is not.

For someone that is intellectual and introverted as well it is hard for them to make friends. Kids his age don't understand the intellectuals. They understand kids who want to play ball or other things, not read books or do science experiments.

There is one other thing you can do for you son. Take him to your doctor or his pediatrician. There is a form of Autism that he could be suffering. The doctor could screen him or send you to a specialist. It is a very mild form of this illness and can be easily dealt with. The little I know about this illness says your son is about the right age and may have been suffering from it for the past few years without anyone noticing.

I'm fixing up my resume for job searches, but there is no job experience to include and my volunteer work is a few years old. Should I include the time period at all, or will that go against me? If I should include the time period, is just the years ok or MUST I include months as well? I am unsure of the months - they would be random guesses at best.

Volunteer experience is very important as it tells a lot about who you are as a person. Especially if that volunteer experience is in community service organizations. So yes include the dates of when you served and which organizations even if they overlap

March 2009 to Sept.2010-Cadet Local Volunteer Fire Department.

August 2009 to Present- Volunteer administrative assistant at my local youth club. You would include at this pint the things you do for the youth club.

The above of course is just an example though as I said as an employer looking to hire someone at an entry level position; I would expect people to apply with little to no real work experience. The only other way to evaluate your application or resume is going to be based on other information you provide; such as education, community volunteering, hobbies, trade or professional enrichment programs you may have taken.

Most important to me was community service, amount of higher education sought, not necessarily completed as today some people just run out of money to complete their education, and hobbies. These things give me a great deal of information about who you are as a person and if you will be a good fit for my company. If you are then I will want to meet you for a face to face interview.

In this case the more information about who you are as a person, your interests, education, hobbies and volunteer activities are important. Also important are your computer skills so make sure to include what computer Office programs your are able to use.

I hope I have helped.

today when i got home from school she told me she had to talk to me. My mother had found my tumblr. Yes, there were plenty of things i shouldn't have blogged about. I know they were wrong, bad words, drugs, anything a mother would be disappointed about was on that tumblr. She was extremely disappointed. She started crying and i started crying. Now she thinks that's the type of person i am, but i honestly am not. I just blogged those things to look cool or because other people thought it was funny. I know, very very immature. I am so stupid. while she was telling me this there was nothing i could do besides cry and tell her i am so sorry. now she won't talk to me only when she needs to. She can barely look at me. I really am a good kid. I deleted the entire blog. I am done with tumblr forever. I just want me and my mom's relationship to go back to the way that it was. Nothing good has happened between us the past couple days,I can't take this anymore. It's tearing me apart. I need help?

As a parent we do become disappointed, upset with and even mad at our children when they let us down or do things they should not be doing. While all this is true one thing else is true; the love for our children never stops.

As a parent and a grandparent I will say mom was also wrong for reading your tumblr. In a way it is an invasion of your privacy. Again as parents we do things that we do to make sure you are being safe when we are not with you.

What I believe now is mom is disappointed in you and may have lost her trust in you. As I believe you are finding out trust is a hard thing to earn and an easy thing to lose. Sometimes trust comes with the job such as a Police Office or Paramedic. Though most times trust is earned.

This is the point you are at now; re-earning the trust your mom has had in you. You have not lost moms love, you have lost the trust she has placed in you. She may even feel she has done wrong as a parent based on what she read and is upset with herself. It will be hard to earn back moms trust as you must; both earn back her trust in you and herself.

You start by going to mom and once again apologizing for what she read on your tumblr. Then you tell her how sorry you are and how you miss the relationship you and she had; that you are going to work hard to regain her trust and that relationship back.

Now things depend on what mom replies. If she just says thank you for your apology, just leave it at that for a day or two. If she says anything else or tries to start a discussion then it is up to you if you want to continue the discussion or put it off until you are in a good enough place emotionally to have this discussion.

If you feel you cannot have the discussion with mom in the direction it is going simply tell her. Mom I am still quite upset and I do want to have this talk with you. Can we have it at another time when I can talk hopefully without being in the emotional state I am in now so we can have an adult conversation. I know we need to talk and I have a lot a need to explain? I believe if you are sincere in your telling mom will understand.

It will take time and hard work to regain moms trust but if you work at it you will get back the relationship you had with your mom. Just remember that right now she is upset with you. Being upset does not mean she does not still love you. I am positive her love for you is just as strong and secure as it was the moment before she started to read your tumblr.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>