adviceman49's advice column | Page 212

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

141012

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am from Lebanon
25 years .. Married

I have cycle on average of 32 days.
My period length is 3 days.

My last period was on the 11 of March 2013.
& it ended on the 13th of March. (3 days)

I had unprotected sex on the 17 of March 2013.
(That means 4 days after my period ended)

is it possible that I am pregnant ?

Anything is possible. Most women are fertile during the middle 14 days of their cycle. This is when it is most likely an egg will be ejected by your ovary. While this is the most common time it is not a hard and fast rule. A women can ovulate at any time during her cycle including during her period.

While it is unlikely you are pregnant the best thing to do is take a home pregnancy test. There is also the possibility that if you do not get your period, being married for 25 years, that you may be approaching menopause or early menopause. If so it would not be uncommon to start having irregular periods.

As I said above a home pregnancy test will tell you now if you are pregnant. If the test is negative and you do not get your period see your GYN to see if you are in the early stages of Menopause.

I talked to my daughter about that comment and she said she was just trying to make a joke about the situation do I don't think there are deeper problems

You know your daughter better then anyone would. If you do not think there is a problem then maybe there is not. The fact that you are writing me and telling me this maybe that you do question yourself on this just a bit.

Whether or not your daughter visits her mother in jail is really a decision you and her mother are going to have to make between you. If your daughter does not want to go then I would not force her.

I still believe that having your daughter see a therapist is the right thing to do for her. Her mother going to jail is traumatic by itself. Then factor in what she will have to deal with at school when kids at school find out will only add to her trauma. Having the therapist to talk to gives her someone to talk to that she can in essence let her hair down with and speak her mind or let her feelings out with. Rather than possible try and keep up a false front for you, which I still believe is the situation with her.

Whatever you decide you still need to let the school authorities know of the situation with her mother so they can be on the look out for problems at school. Children can be horrible to one another over things like this and children learn of these things before school authorities do. It is best that they know in advance so they can protect her from teasing and bullying.

So I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. Recently his family has been questioning are relationship and talking him into ending it. There is a big age difference between us. 10 years. I'm 21 and he's 31. It has worked so far up until now. But I think he's taking their side. My personality is a little quirky and open. Well I texted his brother back and fourth for some time, I always thought it went well. But he told my boyfriend yesterday I was really weird and he shouldn't trust me or date me anymore. I can't even explain how hurt I felt. But then to make matters even worse, My boyfriend didn't even stand up for me. He lectured me on how when I meet people I have to act different and normal until I really know them. I can understand where he is coming from but I am comfortable being me. I am so hurt he wants me to change how and who I am. Am I overreacting? Has anyone else been in my position? I can use any advice on what I should do.

Thanks in advanced :)

Anytime someone tells you that you need to act or be someone you are not; that should be a big red flag for you or at the very least a yellow flag that you need to be more cautious with this relationship.

It could be that he is just tired of having his family jumping him for the relationship he is having with you. This is not a reason to ask you to change who and what you are. He is supposed to be in love with you. If he should be asking anyone to change it should be his family.

I understand that you are hurt and you have every right to be. This is one of the problems with such a large difference in your ages. There is nothing wrong with the difference in your ages. You are both mature adults able to make up your own minds. No one not even family members should be riding either one of you on your choice of who you wish to date or marry for that matter. If you ask for their advice it is a different situation. Unsolicited advice is usually never welcome as it appears is your situation.

The best advice I can offer you is to stop. Reevaluate your relationship with this man and see how this present situation may effect any future you may wish to have with him. This is a deep soul searching type of thing I am asking you to do. For no matter how much you may love him now. What is happening now will continue too effect your lives together for as long as you two are together. Think about how hurt you are now. Then think about how this hurt could grow if you continue a relationship with him.

I am not suggesting you end this relationship. That is not my call to make. I am asking you to take some time and give this relationship some serious thought as to where you want it to go and how this present situation will effect your lives if in fact you get where you want to go with this relationship.

I do not think his family will ever change. You will either have to learn to live with this or your going to have to change to meet there expectations of who he should date or eventually marry.

I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I would give this same advice to my granddaughter or my son in a similar situation. Though only you can make the final decision and I would then stand behind any decision you make and support that decision as you may ask of me.

Is it normal to be on your periods twice a month for more than 3 months?

There are certain question one would need to answer before we could even make a stab at answering your question.

One of the questions would be how old you are and how long you have been menstruating. This answer would be essential to answering your question.

Since none of us are doctors and our answer would be at best an educated guess. The best person to ask this question of would be your Gynecologist. This is a doctor who can best answer your question and offer a solution if there is one or one is needed.

16yrs old , turning 17 on september 20...am a boy...recently, I been hating my life, I wake up every morning with that feeling inside like I don't want to wake everything is s*it , everybody s*cks like the whole world n' life is useless, I hate school and am DISGUSTED from waking up so much early just to attend it, my mom wakes me up 6am and I barely sleep at night because of this, I don't know if I lost my emotions , but I think I didn't lose them , because I still can feel one thing "hopelessness or sadness" that one feeling inside you which gets you sickened and want to rip somebody's head off or kill everyone or even never want to wake up!
My question is ummm ... Is this just a teenage stage of my life that I'm passing through or is it depression that I'm having?
PS because of this I sometimes lose my faith and cuss my religion and hate everyone even my own self and girlfriend but I don't show it , but I feel ALL of this inside me! Like HELP ! Help me know what I'm in!

BIG credits to EVERY reply- thank you

At one time this was considered a phase teenagers went through. It was back when your parents and grandparents before them felt as you do that their parents would say; "oh it's just a phase he/she will grow out of."

Today doctors know different and even have a name for how you are feeling. It is called "teenage depression." It is brought on by a number of different stressors teenagers are under that in a manner of speaking sometimes overwhelm a person. This is what clinical depression is all about. You are not crazy or suffering from some mental illness.

The problem is actually medical but because it is a problem created by a lack of one or two hormones not being secreted into your brain in enough quantity,to help you maintain a proper balance; you get depressed.

Because the chemicals or hormones are secreted into the brain; the best doctor to treat you medically is a Board Certified psychiatrist. They know much more about what medications work best then do you family doctor. Medication and a talk therapist usually help you clear the depression as the therapist will help you identify the stressors and deal with them more appropriately

Most people suffer some form of depression all the time but have enough of these hormones to keep themselves in balance. This is an easy look at the problem.

Diagnoses of clinical depression is simple and painless. Make an appointment with your family doctor. You are old enough that you do not need parental permission to do so. Tell the doctor how you feel and asked to be screened for depression. The doctor will ask you a number of questions. From these questions the doctor can determine just how depressed you may be. The doctor may also want to do a physical and blood tests just to rule out any organic causes. Let the doctor do so.

Do not be embarrassed by the label. Most all of us suffer some form of clinical depression at some point in our lives and most go undiagnosed an untreated.

As I said at one point before doctor knew better what you may be suffering was called a phase. We know know it is not and the doctors can help you. So make an appointment to see you family doctor. That's the first step.

"First: Does she know her mother is going to jail and why? If so what are her feelings about her mother going to jail.

"

she seems kind of nonchalant about this, which I think is OK. Though one time she did say it was kind of cool that her mother was going to jail since now she will now be listening to orders from other people and being locked in. Which was kind of weird since she and her mother had a pretty good relationship with no animosity or anything. Maybe it was a just a joke or just cracking some humor at the situation?

I'm somewhat concerned by your daughters response; "it was kind of cool that her mother was going to jail since now she will now be listening to orders from other people and being locked in." This is the type of answer I would expect her to give to another child who may be taunting her about her mother.

I am not a psychologist or a child psychologist though her answer does seem inappropriate to be given to her father. My previous suggestions are still appropriate not to force her to see her mom in jail. Take her if she wants to go but don't force her to go.

First you need to go alone to see what the visitation environment is like. Is it an open environment where you will be allowed to hold hands, hug and kiss? Or will your wife be behind a glass partition where you talk on the phone? You need to know this so you can prepare your daughter for what she will see and what she can and cannot do. The last thing you want is to cause trouble for her mother during a visitation.

I would also recommend you find a good child psychologist for your daughter to talk to. This is someone she can speak openly to that will keep her trust and help her with anything that may be bothering her about all this, or anything else. The psychologist while not being able to tell you what they talk about will be able to tell you how you can help your daughter.

I believe this is important to do for your daughter as I said; her response to you was not what I would expect her to say to you. I feel she has some deeper issues she is not or will not discuss with you.

So, I'm 18 years old. I've had sex with two previous boyfriends. I started to have sex with my current boyfriend two weeks ago. As we are doing it I noticed that it was taking quite a long time and I was getting exhausted !! After 2 and a half hours doing it I stopped to ask if I was doing something wrong. He looked like he was enjoying it, he was moaning normally. We went on for almost another hour until he was done. Since I stayed friends with both my EX's I kinda asked them if I was THAT BAD in bed...both said I was great so WTF !? Is this normal for guys ? Does it happen or could it be a medical condition ? I'm not ugly or fat...I'm not worshiped in school but after asking this to my girlfriends they said I'm at least a 7...Soooo, what could be going on ?

Razhie is right; you two need to communicate better. The key to good sex even great sex is communication. For a guy any guy to hold off for that long every time says he has either great control or he may have other issues. The average length of time for couples to engage in coitus is abut 6 to 8 minutes for the first intercourse. Longer for the second depending on the recovery time of the male and even longer if the male is able for a third time.

To maintain an erection for much longer than he is doing is even unhealthy for him. Four hours is, with the aid of those little blue pills he may be using, longer than he should do so. They is advised that if an erection is maintained for more than 4 hours to seek medical treatment.

A question just popped into my head. Is it possible that he is popping a little blue pill so as to impress you? If so he is taking them for the wrong reason if he is able to get an erection without one. Abuse of these pills can be harmful.

He is not only hurting himself he may be harming you. You are needing to stay lubricated and stretched that long is I would say painful as well as exhausting. You really need to talk to him for his own good. If he is not using a pill or a desensitizing cream then he really needs to see a Urologist.

I am 14 and I have an appointment with my doctor next week about gallstones.The date of my period is 28th of every month and they are quite regular.They lasts for one week.Please give me some quick home advice to make my periods come early because the doctor told my parents that he will take urine and some other tests.Please I will really thankful to you.

Testing for Gallstones is usually done with an ultrasound or by feeling above where the gallbladder is. The Gallbladder is located at the base of your liver on the right side of your body. It cannot be palpated with an internal exam through the vagina only from above externally.

Being on you period will not interfere with the exam and I see no reason for the doctor to need to do an internal exam unless the doctor suspects the problem is not your gallbladder but a problem with an ovary. Even then an ultrasound will reveal more to the doctor than will be found from an internal exam.

As for the urine test. You will be handed a cup and asked to go into the rest room and pee into it. So try not to empty your bladder before going to the doctor.

The fact that your having your period will not interfere with the doctors exam and you will most likely not have to expose yourself to the doctor in that way as for doctor to see that you are having your period.

Note: At 14 years of age you are now old enough to see your doctor without a parent present in the exam room. This is granted under a federal law called HIPPA.

This law grants you certain medical confidentiality and privacy so you can talk freely with your doctor. For the most part this law grants you these rights for your reproductive health so that you and your doctor can talk freely without worry that anything will get back to your parents.

Since there is a chance the doctor will want to examine your ovaries as well as your gallbladder HIPPA will apply for this visit. If you wish mom to wait in the waiting room all you need to do is ask the doctor or the receptionist that you would like you HIPPA rights for this visit.

basically, my heater hasn't been working, so I went in the afternoon to my landlords office to see if I could have it fixed. he wasn't there and his wife said he would drop by sometime in the evening.
later on at about 9 o clock at night, I'm laying in bed. I've been sick so I was asleep, and I sleep nude btw. Anyways I heard a knocking on the door, but the door is locked, so I decided to ignore it and keep sleeping. Next thing I know he is opening the door and letting himself in.
I was just wondering if this is allowed. I'm only 21 so I don't really know, but that seems very wrong to me. I was molested and abused my whole life growing up and because of this I have very specific boundaries. I really need to feel like I have my own safe space, all the time. I feel totally invaded and violated that he could just let himself in at night when its dark because I didn't come to the door. I read online that a landlord can let themselves in without notice if it is an 'emergency'. does my heater being down constitute an emergency? or does me asking him to fix it give him the right to come in whenever? I am genuinely upset with this and I'm honestly going to move if it turns out he has the legal right to do that. I don't care if it is legally permissible, within my own boundaries that doesn't feel okay and I'm seriously really upset by it.
oh yea, I live in Canada, if that helps.

Where I live when you report a problem that needs to be repaired you are granting the repair people entrance to your apartment. It is generally accepted that this will be during normal working hours.

The fact that your heater was not working and given the time of the year it is. Your landlord may have felt this was an emergency. He did knock first giving you time to answer before letting himself in. It is reasonable to assume, given the hour your landlord felt it was safe to enter your apartment to repair your heater.

It appears you live in a small apartment building, one that may be owned and maintained by the owners who live on site. I would suggest that you speak with the owners regarding entering your apartment. Explain to then how his entering your apartment scared you.

While they have a right to enter your apartment, during normal business hours to make repairs you have requested or after hours for emergencies, at other times they should have to schedule an appointment. Regardless of this you should explain why this scared you and ask if they could call you prior to entering your apartment.

Most of us carry cell phones and if you do that would be the number to give them. That way at home or at work they can reach you and you can grant permission for them to enter and be ready for them if you are home.

I'm sure if you do live in a small building the owners will understand. Once you explain as you have here to us.

I am not sure what to do anymore so I am trying this site...
I am a single mom on ssi with two children.
I have been trying to find a way to get a job but there is no work in my town.I was in foster care so I was not allowed to get a drivers license either.Also due to a medical condition I can't drive.I have bee looking for some way to move but every effort I make fails.If the person I live with gets a job the rent will spike.Making them getting a job even if they could find one pointless.So I make so little that by the time the bills are paid I am broke.I would like to move to a new state,there are no opportunities here.I also have no credit score.Please help,I'm severely depressed over this all.I don't know what to do.

Not knowing what State you live in hampers my ability to help you as I am not able to research the help available to you in your state.

In general if you are receiving SSI then you should qualify for other assistance through your state. Job training would be one of the things that many states offer to those who are on public assistance. I realize opportunities may be limited where you live. The job training the state offers is generally geared to the jobs available that are not being filled due to untrained or unqualified applicants.

You should also be receiving medicaid benefits as well as child health care benefits, which is a federal program administered by the state. Food Stamps and help from food banks are other programs available to you as well.

I mention all of these things since you did not list anything other than SSI. These programs are available in all states. Many are Federal Programs administered by the state you live in. Some are income based programs and should be based on your income alone.

To receive these benefits you need to contact your local social service center. Your social service worker should help you apply for the different programs you are qualified for. The fact that you are willing and able to work is a plus, especially if you wish to enter the jobs training program. Many states even offer child care while you are in the program and reduced cost child care after you find a job.

Getting depressed over this will not help. You mentioned you had a mental condition. I am aware of only a few mental conditions that would prohibit you from being allowed to drive. Depression, if that is the problem, is not one of them.

Most often being restricted from driving is a medical condition such as epilepsy which is a medical condition, not a mental condition.

As I said the more information you can supply the better we can help you. If you wish you can write me in a private message. Then only me and the webmaster can read what you write and it is not on the public side of this forum.

Without more information. What I have offered, which is mostly guess work, is based on my knowledge of what should be available for you. Is what I can offer.

Hey, so in the past 2 years I've been tested 4 times for every STD, and I say it because its relevant, I haven't had sex in those ENTIRE 2 years, no kissing, no oral, and no "petting". But only recenly in my last test did my doctor say it's a possibility and I need further testing. How is that possible??? I don't even share water and drinks with people, how is it possible an STD is showing up now???

First: Don't freak out until the doctor tells you that you indeed do have an STD. Something else could have showed up in the testing that the doctor wants to confirm with another test. It is also very possible that a false positive result was returned.

If you have been seeing the same doctor for two years and the doctor is aware that you have not been sexually active in those two years. Then a positive result would want to be confirmed with a second test.

Second: There are two other possibilities here. Some STDS have extremely long incubation periods, although two years is at an extreme end. The other is that labs have become better at detecting things and while you may not actually be infected you could be a carrier for something, also a long shot option.

Really the best thing to do is to allow the doctor to run whatever test is required and wait for the results. The doctor is questioning the results and wants another test. If the doctor was sure something was wrong you would have been told. So for know try and relax and wait until you have something to worry about.

I know easier said then done. Have the test done. The sooner it is the done the sooner you will know if you have anything to worry about.

Yes i dont spell right cause im from middle EU.
I was google-ing and found this forum.
I said don't wann'a talk about healt.
Let's just say i don't have much time before my body starts colapsing totaly.Im living on my own and dont want to wait until ambulance transport me to hospital to end in agonny and painkilers 24/7.
So i'm looking to easyest way to end this shity life of mine.Like i said i have healt problems. So plural. Liver, hart, hed and loungs. Try to google or watch on youtube end in those cases and youll know what im talking about. Plus in this shitty country i cann't afoard not to work for few months, cause money would stay without money income.
And like i said. If it would be possible to die without agonny in hostpital, or if i would have somebodey to help me to go through hart operation (i should have it in 2005) and could not afford it cause you can't walk on the street 5 days after operation. Realy no solution. Tryed everything. Had someone that promised me to help me get throu but lied....end up in drugs and prostitution.......so don't wanna talk about it. I saw few agonny ends and rather jump of the building or smash with my car in to wall than end like that.
By the way.....like some doctors sad without statring treatemant and operation yesterday ....last year....probabily have few months to one year of life thill that shitty hospital fase. Now my fingers are so swallowed (water) so i cant type no more. Thanks any way

I'm sorry you are so ill and feel you are facing an agonizing death. Unfortunately the type of help you are looking you will not find on this site. We are all about helping people live not die.

If you tell us what country you live in we may be able to put you in touch with reputable charitable organizations. These organization may be able to help you if we know where you live and what medical problems you have.

Or is there anything else that I can do to help my hair to grow more quickly?

I suggest you read this article in Wikipedia. As the article points out Biotin is a natural substance produced in the body that is rarely deficient. The science behind Biotin as a hair growth supplement is also weak.

As a vitamin supplement if probably will not harm you though you should check with your doctor before taking any dietary supplements or vitamins. In general any supplements you take the body can't use will just come out in your urine.

The URL to the article follows.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biotin

her mother is going to prison for one year for forgery related charges. I am wondering if I should take me 14 year old daughter to visit her but I am not sure if I want her to be in that kind of environment

it has nothing really to do with the mother. She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did and has admitted to being a bad influence to her daughter so that is why I am still willing to stick by her. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment or anything either, it is really only the type of environment. I hear also it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Also, if I take her to visit she might think "mom went to jail, she has no right to tell me what to do anymore" .Which would just be a stressful thing. I even heard her express a kind of joy at her mother being locked up and having to take orders from other people. While that is understandable since she did commit a crime, since her mother has shown remorse for what she did and clearly still cares for her daughter, I think eventually it needs to be put behind us. If I do decide to take her what should I say to her beforehand?

my wife is saying that if she wants to visit let her, but if she doesn't it is fine

This is a double edge sword type of question. Before we even go there a lot of the answer rests with your daughter.

First: Does she know her mother is going to jail and why? If so what are her feelings about her mother going to jail.

Second: Is you daughter mature enough to understand what she is going to see. This is important as you don't want to scare her.

Third: Does she want to see her mother in jail.

Now for the double edge sword part. Just because her mom is going to jail it does not mean any of her parental rights are being given up. She is still the girls mother and needs to have as much input as possible to what goes on with her daughters life while she is in jail.

Prisoners have phone privileges as well as visitation. It is through the use of these privileges that mom can stay involved in her daughters life. The last thing you want for your daughter is for her to think she has a vacation from moms authority just because she is in jail. should something come up that you would normally discuss with her mother or bow to her mothers thoughts on. That should remain the same if at all possible. You can say something like I will discuss this with mom when she call and WE will decide.

I would say you should only force your daughter to visit her mother in jail for two reasons.

First: If your daughter is feeling she has a vacations from moms authority while mom is in jail. By bringing her to visit mom just once the two of you can show your daughter that even with mom in prison you are both her parents. That the united front at home is still intact.

Second: This one is a judgement call on your part. Your daughters feeling towards her mother change from a love to more of a hate relationship. Other kids will know her mom is in jail. Teachers will do what they can to protect her in school but they cannot protect her 100%. She will most likely bare some backlash from other kids because of her moms misdeeds.

If this happens I feel she will need to speak about it with her mom. To feel moms love in a way that the jail will allow and hopefully mom can help her through this.

Otherwise let your daughter be your guide. If she wants to go with you during visitation let her. If not don't force her.

13/F/91 Pounds/5 Foot 1

So my dad always calls me fat... He always says stuff like "Yet, you're eating again." And "You're gonna explode!" Yet, HE'S THE FAT ONE. My pants are WAY too big for me and he says stuff to always put me down.

I eat 1200 calories a day - Is that too much? Should I drop to 800? I'm seriously starting to feel terrible about myself.. :( Please help me!

You are about 10 to 15 pounds under weight for your age. Being underweight is worse than being overweight by the same amount. At your age being underweight can for one thing stunt you normal development that is meant to take place during puberty.

Now as for your father calling you fat. By your own writing you are not fat; as I have said above you need to gain weight to be at a healthy weight. By calling you fat for whatever reason when you are not in any way fat. This to me is a form of child abuse. Mental cruelty, which is what he is doing is a form of child abuse.

If you mom can not talk to him and make him stop or if mom is no longer with you. Then you need to talk to a trusted adult about what is happening at home. This trusted adult could be a trusted teacher at school or your school principal. Tell them what is going on and they have rules to follow that will get dad some parenting help to stop this abuse.

Continuing to be this much underweight or losing more weight can be very harmful to you physical well being. Being underweight can cause problems with your Kidneys, Heart and lungs.

Only your doctor can tell you for sure what is a practical weight you should be and the minimum calorie count you need to take in a day based on you daily activity's.

Once you talk to a teacher or principal you need to see a doctor for a complete exam and find out what your proper weight should be. Then have the doctor tell you how many calories a day you need to take in to get to that weight. Once at your proper weight you will need to know how many calories a day you need to maintain that weight.

Should parents give children allowance?

I'm wondering if you are the child or the parent. Not that it would change my answer.

At a certain age I think a child should be given an allowance to learn the value of money; if it is affordable for a parent to do so. The allowance should not be in return for doing chores around the house or taken away as punishment. An allowance is part of a parents educating of their children. Children should not have to use their allowance to purchase that which the parent is responsible to purchase such as school supplies and clothing for school and family events.

A child's allowance is for them to spend or to save for those things that are extra such as an Xbox or makeup. Chores are to be expected as children are part of the family and everyone needs to pitch in to maintain the family home. Mom or dad can reward a child for doing chores exceedingly well or without having to be prompted to do them if the parents feel this is a warranted reward.

An allowance is up to the parents to give not a right of the children to receive. If your the child you probably don't like the last sentence. Your parents know their finance better than you do. While whatever dollar amount you are looking for may not seem a lot of money to you. It may make the difference as to whether or not one of them can have lunch during the week.

This is not a good time to be putting financial demands on your parents. Money is tight. Prices are going up, taxes are going up and people, especially those who work for government or whose jobs depend on government are taking pay cuts or losing days of work.

As parents it is our job to worry about finances and many parents will not discuss finances with their children beyond saying they can't afford that. Your job is to go to school, get the best grades you can and live by the rules society and your parents have laid down. Also to be supportive of your parents when possible by helping out when and where you can.

Ok so I'm wondering if at the age of 16 I can move out of my parents house ? Can they call the cops and make me go back home ? By the way I live in CT

The age of consent and the age where you are considered an adult are not always the same though many states have moved the age of consent to be the same age as one is considered to be an adult.

In all states your parents are legally responsible for their children until age 18, the age at which time you are considered an adult and responsible for your own well being.

Should you leave home with out your parents consent you will be considered a runaway and brought home by the police.

Note 1: One of the reasons many states have moved the age of consent to 18 is to prevent young people from dropping out of High School. Something you night have to do if you were to move out of your parents home and support yourself.

Note 2: You are not alone in your feelings that your dad is driving you crazy. Many teenagers feel this same way. It is unfortunate but children do not come into this world with handbooks like new cars. As parents we learn on the job how to raise our children. Some dads in our attempt to keep our teenage children safe drive them crazy. In our attempt to keep our daughters chaste or at least from getting pregnant we are somewhat over zealous. Try talking to your father calmly. Maybe ask him for a father-Daughter day out where you two can talk while shopping or doing something together.

I am a 36 year old female...married but have recently been feeling some sort of way for another guy. This man is married as well and it has been brought to my attention that he is feeling the same way about me...the way we feel has not been acknowledged but we are quietly aware. We have a mutual friend that we both "confide" in and she feels sorry for the both of us. She is an older lady who works with us..oh yes he works with me. He makes it a point to come to my office daily just to see me and say hello. We have NEVER done anything together but talk...it has also been brought to my attention that our chemistry and connection is noticeable. This feeling that I have for him is driving me crazy and I want to tell him something so badly that will make this stop. He has told our mutual friend that he doesnt know where this feeling came from and he doesn't understand why this is happening and I honestly don't either. I love when he comes by to say hello to me, I enjoy seeing him but I wish he would stop...but not really. Again nothing has ever been done or acknowledged its just a huge huge elephant hanging out in the room. So what should I do, I want to talk to him, get these feelings acknowledged and figure out how to stop or end this situation before something starts.

Been there done that have the bruise to prove it. In a perfect world we spend 1/3 of our lives at work, 1/3 at home and 1/3 a sleep. This is not a perfect world.

More and more is being demanded of us by our employers. We are spending more time at work then at home. These type of office flirtations are bound to happen. You have both acknowledged to your mutual friend that nothing can or will come of it but it is an elephant in the room noticeable by others. This would include your boss.

One of you needs to take the bull by the horns and man up as the saying goes and acknowledge to the other what is noticeable to all others before your boss does. You have to acknowledge to each other that yes what you both have been saying to your mutual friend is true though nothing can come of it. That should send the elephant packing. You can do this over lunch with your mutual friend with you as well to be the lifeguard between you two.

What is happening or not happening which you say is noticeable must be effecting one or both of your productivity. If it gets to the point that the boss feels he/she must step in one or both of you could lose you jobs as a result of this.

It is my belief that the sooner you get this out in the open between you and acknowledge it can go no further than a friendship. The sooner things will return to normal. It is either that or look for another job so you don't have to see him everyday.

I'll have been married for 6 years this coming July, and for the past year I have not felt attracted to my husband. The past 6 months I have felt physically repulsed by him. I find him absolutely repulsive. When he tries to kiss me I feel so disgusted. I should probably mention I did not marry him for love. It was kind of an arranged marriage, but entirely my choice to accept him or not. I used to feel attracted to him, but not anymore. Also when he proposed I had just broken up with my boyfriend. Very serious two year relationship where I wanted to marry him. Lately, my ex is all I can think about. I'm 27, and I have two kids under the age of 5. Last detail, sex is not good...at all. My queston is...is this a normal course of a relationship? To suddenly hate everything about your husband? Will everything work out or should I cut my losses and work on my happiness? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated

No this is definitely not normal after six years of marriage and two kids. I wish you had said more about;"It was kind of an arranged marriage, but entirely my choice to accept him or not," as this adds confusion to what I am thinking and to how I feel I should answer you.

My first thoughts are these: From what you have written it appears you married on the rebound from a relationship with someone you had hoped to marry. Not a good thing to do things on impulse; yet six years and two children have past since then and suddenly you find your husband repulsive.

Before you break up your family, which you may come to regret in the near future, you need to give some thought as to why this sudden feeling? What has changed? Has he changed? Has he become slovenly in his appearance or hygiene? Has he come up with some habits you find obnoxious? Does he treat you with love and respect? Does he have respect for your feelings and input into daily life or has he suddenly become overbearing and abusive?

These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself. If he loves and respects you as a husband should, is not cheating on you, not staying out until all hours of the night drinking and is an active partner in raising the children, then something has happened to you that has caused this felling.

I would suggest therapy to help find what has caused you to feel as you do. It is not unusual to have feelings for an ex. feelings meaning wondering about them. Soul searching as you should on this is something you should do with professional to make sure you ask yourself all the right questions. You should talk with a therapist before making any rash decision.

It may be that divorce is the only answer, first make sure it is the right answer. From what you have written I'm not sure of the answer or the real question. Not enough real information to make a judgement call on.

I have a problem, I'm 14 and can't stop looking at pornography. Gay porn mostly. (i'm a girl). I also play with down there...And try my best to pee standing up. Help? Is there something wrong with me?

You are NORMAL. At your age what is happening is you are experimenting with who you are sexually. This is all perfectly normal. Touching ourselves, masturbating as it is called, is also normal and part of learning about our sexual selves.

While some people my age, older than me and some younger than me; I'm old enough to be your grandfather, will not believe what I am about to say. Medical science, psychiatrists and psychologist all agree that people who are either gay or lesbians are born that way; it is part of the genetic coding that started in the womb.

At your present age you would know by know if you were a lesbian. The fact that you like looking at gay porn does not make you a lesbian. Neither does masturbation. According to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. Giving your boyfriend a hand job or him fingering you is called mutual masturbation and is a large part of foreplay before sex.

So take the advice of an old man and relax. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly normal for your age.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>