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Married but have an unexplainable connection with another man
I am a 36 year old female...married but have recently been feeling some sort of way for another guy. This man is married as well and it has been brought to my attention that he is feeling the same way about me...the way we feel has not been acknowledged but we are quietly aware. We have a mutual friend that we both "confide" in and she feels sorry for the both of us. She is an older lady who works with us..oh yes he works with me. He makes it a point to come to my office daily just to see me and say hello. We have NEVER done anything together but talk...it has also been brought to my attention that our chemistry and connection is noticeable. This feeling that I have for him is driving me crazy and I want to tell him something so badly that will make this stop. He has told our mutual friend that he doesnt know where this feeling came from and he doesn't understand why this is happening and I honestly don't either. I love when he comes by to say hello to me, I enjoy seeing him but I wish he would stop...but not really. Again nothing has ever been done or acknowledged its just a huge huge elephant hanging out in the room. So what should I do, I want to talk to him, get these feelings acknowledged and figure out how to stop or end this situation before something starts.
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Ending this situation before something starts is the EXACT opposite of talking to him and getting the feelings acknowledged.
Talking about your feelings with him, is the very first step to 'something more'. Both of you awknowledging your mutual feelings would be setting the course off the cliff.
If you really want it to end, tell your mutual friend that you would prefer he not speak to you unless its necessary for work. Don't whine about how hard it is, or how deeply you feel. Just inform her of your choice clearly and directly.
If he continues to stop by to say hello every day, then it's time to tell him that although his visits are pleasant, you'd prefer to keep it strictly work-related.
No whining. No talking about your feelings. Just state your choice, clearly, and without any big sad doe eyes.
That's how you make this stop.
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Yes maybe you should acknowledge and get it out in the open and make it known that nothing can happen and maybe just not be around each other for a while so this feeling can go away. However, what if it never does? What if this is not just a crush? And its true love? What if you both feel more connected and more love towards one another than towards your own spouses? If this is true maybe you shouldn't say that nothing can ever be done, what if this is the one for you? You can't let that slip through your fingers. Or waste time with someone else who you don't feel as strongly towards and vice versa. What if you always ignore these feelings towards your coworker and stay in your okay marriage and youre never as happy as you couldve been and your spouse and his spouse will never had had the chance to find someone who they truly love who truly loves them too? I think you need to talk about this with him and you need to test this and analyze this to see if its just a crush or something way more than that. Spend some time away from each other, spend more time with your spouses, see if its the same connection, if you feel strongly towards your spouses than towards each other ,If you realize you and your coworker just liked each other and that it was just nice to have someone at work who noticed you. If thats not the case if you both know in your hearts that this is real, you should be together. And you should give your spouses the chance to find true love like you guys have. If you have kids this might be more difficult. But I believe that if you have found someone you truly love and connect with, that you should be with them. You can figure something out, get a clean divorce, be friends so that you can take care of the children and have them you both have a healthy relationship. You can live together while raising young children but be legally divorced so you could be with the one you love. I know it sounds crazy , but true love is true love and you cant avoid it once youve found it and yeah. Good luck
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Been there done that have the bruise to prove it. In a perfect world we spend 1/3 of our lives at work, 1/3 at home and 1/3 a sleep. This is not a perfect world.
More and more is being demanded of us by our employers. We are spending more time at work then at home. These type of office flirtations are bound to happen. You have both acknowledged to your mutual friend that nothing can or will come of it but it is an elephant in the room noticeable by others. This would include your boss.
One of you needs to take the bull by the horns and man up as the saying goes and acknowledge to the other what is noticeable to all others before your boss does. You have to acknowledge to each other that yes what you both have been saying to your mutual friend is true though nothing can come of it. That should send the elephant packing. You can do this over lunch with your mutual friend with you as well to be the lifeguard between you two.
What is happening or not happening which you say is noticeable must be effecting one or both of your productivity. If it gets to the point that the boss feels he/she must step in one or both of you could lose you jobs as a result of this.
It is my belief that the sooner you get this out in the open between you and acknowledge it can go no further than a friendship. The sooner things will return to normal. It is either that or look for another job so you don't have to see him everyday.
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