TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: Well, a few weeks ago, my best friend's boyfriend (also a really, really close friend of mine) was admitted into the hospital after somehow getting his head stuck in the stair banister and almost sufficating to death. He was in a coma and we didn't know if he'd ever wake up. He did (thank god!) but he is still at the hospital because he doesn't remember how he did it so they have to make sure he didn't do it to himself. Almost all of our other close friends have already seen him (my bff, my "should be boyfriend", and their other best friend), except for me. I miss this boy sooo much, but while its heard for me, it's even harder for my best friend and his best friend (my "should be"). How do I stay strong for them when they need me the most while I'm crying inside?

This isn't a matter of just you being strong. Everyone has to be strong and weak with each other when something like this happens. You shouldn't and aren't expected to be the one to hold everyone together while you can't even keep yourself together.

You need everyone the most too. There shouldn't be just one person whose suppose to help everyone. Everyone helps everyone out with these feelings. Don't be afraid to think about yourself and to cry to someone when you feel upset. I know it's your best friend's boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that you can't be upset too.

I think what you should think about doing is going to see him with your best friend. I know that you might be scared that you'll break down, or you don't know if you'll go crazy, but I think at the same time if you actually saw that he was going to be ok, it would bring you comfort and closure. When someone is in the hospital, you should go and see them to show them that you care.

This is a really scary and hard situation. Nobody is allowed to expect you or anyone else to be the strong one. Everyone is weak at times.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok im 14 and im a girl my problems is well to understand my whole problem i will have to go bac lil while ok so my mom and dad were never married but when i was 4 they broke up and i lived with my grandma with my dad and MY MOM dated this guY his name was dawayne AND when i was like 5 my mom took me away from my dad and i missed him alot and i neVer saw him again till i was 11 and then i started seeing him and he lived with his new wife and her kids i felt really bad i felt like he didnt care about me anymore or sumthin but then he talked to me about it and i was fine then when i was 13 one of my friends moved to her cuzins house((WHO WAS ALSO ONE OF MY FRIENDS)) b-ciz she got abused and my dad got a divore with his wife and then my mom got a divorce with her husband and i missed my step sister very much and i feel really bad inside i feel like crying all the time and my friend that got aBUSED IS MOVING BAC WITH HER DAD (WHO ABUSED HER) and just want every thing to be they way it was b 4 i moved out of my old house

You'll have to begin understanding that things aren't going to be the same. Things will always change and in your situation, these changes are not going back to the way things were.

I think that you need to let your mom or dad know that you've been feeling depressed lately about the way things are. If you can't bring yourself to talk to one of them, then you should see the school counselor or someone else who can help you with these feelings. There isn't much to say except to talk to someone about it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: there is this boy that i like...and he likes me...but he isnt looking for a girlfriend right now...he just wants me and him to be "friends with benifits"......what does that mean?...... but it seems like i want more than that....when we are alone he acts like we are boyfriend and girlfriend...but we arent......but when we are at school he doesnt really talk to me that much anymore.......and i want him to........he doesnt give me little sweet kisses, or hugs, or anything like that... someone told me that he is emaressed to be around me and that he doesnt want others to know......but he doesnt seem like that kind of guy...and others are saying that he just wants sex out of me (RUMERS)...i guess i just want to be more than just friends but i dont know how to tell him......because he isnt looking for a girlfriend right know.............
thanks for your helping hands!!!!!!!

baby

Friends with benefits means that he wants you as a sex object basically. He doesn't want commitment with you or to be serious with you. He just wants the sexual activity, so I'd say that everyone who is saying he only wants you for sex is telling you the truth.

If I were you, I wouldn't even talk to him anymore. You should now understand why he isn't looking for a girlfriend.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My Dad was asked to take a job in a city 16 hours from where I live now. He wanted our family to see the place and houses before he took the job so over my spring break, we looked for houses with a realtor everyday and flew/stayed there courtosy of the new company. Anyway, when my friends ask me what I did over the break, I'm not allowed to say anything about the new job or about the house shopping... I have to say I visited people and went shopping even though it's only half true because my dad could lose his current job and there's always a chance he won't take the job. Anyway, It's getting really hard to keep it a secret from everyone. I might be moving there over the summer and when people ask to go places over summer, I don't know what to say because I don't even know where I'll be living then. I'm nervous about moving and I want to spend as much time as possible with my closest friends while I still can but I can't tell them why. Can anyone help me with this? It's getting to be a real pain!

It must be hard to keep a secret like that.

However, you should still make it remained a secret. When your friends ask you to do things with you over the summer, just tell them that you aren't sure what your plans are for the summer with your family and you'll have to see when summer comes around. That wouldn't be lying, it's just saying the exact truth- you aren't sure yet.

About spending more time with them, I say go for it. You don't have to give them a reason. If they want one, just explain that you just want as much time with them as possible before summer comes along when theres no more school to hang out at. Listen, even if you are lying to your friends, it isn't in your control. It isn't your fault that you are unable to tell them the truth. This is a family secret.

About being nervous, I'd say to talk to a family member about this since you will be living with them. It couldn't hurt to let someone know how you're feeling about this. This is really a big thing happening in your life, it's ok to be scared and nervous. If you have any siblings, ask them how they feel in the situation, they can probably relate to your feelings. Sometimes it's best to talk to your family because they will always be your number one support team.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 16/f and I'm just very self concsious about my..ears. Theyre really..too big. People even tell me. I think I get them from my dad. I dont know. But its not like they stick out, the whole entire thing is just..big. Theyre about a centimetre away from being..3 inches. I used to be called dumbo when i was little and earrings always took bad on me. I dont want to get plastic surgery haha. But i just dont know what to do about me feeling so embarassed about them. I know that they are big becase people tell me..and pretty much the fact that theyre almost 3 inches long. What should i do?

I answered a question a little bit like yours. This girl was a sixteen year old female like you and she was feeling insecure about her smile and her nose. She wasn't wanting to do any surgery either, not that I'd advise that.

What I told her was that these things cannot be changed and shouldn't because without these insecurities, we wouldn't feel as good about our good traits and features we like on our bodies. Without pain we wouldn't feel as good when we feel pleasure. Your every different physical feature is all apart of you and you may not like it, but it's what makes you yourself. Your ears attract a lot of attention, and I know that it's not the kind of attention you are comfortable with, but think about it: without the way your ears are, you just wouldn't be as you as you are now.

A lot of times, girls have these insecurities that are tiny and blown out of proportion. I'm sure that you've had a friend who didn't like something about herself and you thought it was great on her. And even if this insecurity isn't blown out of proportion, you can learn to love that part of you. I know you think that it will never happen, but you'll probably begin to love it on yourself. And a lot of girls do learn to love their features that they were humiliated of at first.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I would like to know how to stop my boyfriend from always grabbing me in the wrong places?

Explain to him that you are uncomfortable with being touched in those places. It's important that you tell him as soon as possible so that you can stop feeling uncomfortable.

Remember, if he doesn't stop, he's just being perverted and you need to get rid of him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 13/f. I have an incredibly embarassing first/full name. The girls and boys in school laugh when the teacher calls it out (I DEF. go by a nick name) and then they always call me by it, even though i have a nick name, to make me mad. and so they laugh even more. i know not to let them see that it bothers me, but it does so much. and its not just a simple long name, its so long and stupid and i dont know ANYONE else with it. I just feel so different becuase its always on my records and whatnot so i'm forced to use it when i dont want to, and of course poeple hear. what do i do?! im so upset and tired of it.

I can't tell you that I know how you feel because I havn't been in your situation, but I can imagine how humiliating it may be.

I think you should explain to your teachers the nickname you go by and that you'd appreciate it if you were called by that instead of your full name.

I think that you have a pretty strong head on your shoulders to act like it doesn't bother you. It takes a lot to do that and it's the only thing you can do. I know it seems hard to laugh with them, but if you did laugh with them, they'd just get over it and understand that you don't care even though inside you do.

When the teacher calls your name, just say, "Yes, that's me, but I go by ___" and then move on. If people laugh, just smile and act like you are laughing too. If you get into this routine, you'll eventually not be as humiliated. Plus, when you get older, you'll be stuck with it enough to where you'll just tell the teacher your nickname and you'll move on without even thinking about what other people are thinking. Just think about how lucky you are that you only have to worry about being embarassed just by that and not something worse.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay..well my "bestfriend" Megan* told me the other day that she didn't want to be friends and that she doesn't trust me. I know she reason and I didn't even do anything wrong, she just believes what other people tell her. I've told her I'm sorry multiple times but she ignores me (on the internet) and I can't even see her because I'm homeschooled. I love this girl to death and we have so many memories. I have helped her out in every situation and she has me, too. I don't know what to do, it's like she WANTS me to come crawling back to her. Like I said, I've told her sorry more then once. What to ya'll think I should do about this? Oh and ONTOP of all that, it's like shes replacing me with some other girl that she calls her bestfriend. I practiclly cryed myself to sleep last night, I miss her and I want her back.

Thanks so much if you can help!

This sounds really hard for you to lose someone you really loved as a best friend.

My concern is that she was the one who ended the friendship because she says that you aren't trustworthy and she believes what other people tell her. That leads me to believe that you have been a good friend and that she's just getting rid of you because of what she's hearing. I know this is hard to hear, but if she were really your friend, she would get past those lies or rumors that were passed to her and trust you beyond it all.

That is what true friendship is. It's about coming to a friend first and confronting what you heard before you take action. It is weak and stupid to give in to rumors or lies, especially when it's about your best friend. If she decides what she hears from other people about you is more important than what she hears from you about you, then why bother with her?

I know you really want this friendship back, but she was the one who decided that it's no longer important to her. She failed and betrayed your friendship. It wouldn't be right if you kept bothering her about it. She doesn't deserve to be begged by you. At this point she doesn't deserve a true friend like you. I'm not saying that it isn't ok to miss her and want to be her friend, but you have to be the one to let her define what the friendship means to her and it sounds to me like it meant not as much as it means to you. She should be the one begging you for the friendship you both had.

What you should do is give it a break. Concentrate on your homeschooling and family and maybe your other friendships while letting this one cool off. If you really want this friendship back, then it should be up to her to come back to you. I don't doubt you both had great memories, and I don't think she wasn't a good friend, I'm sure she was, but now she's giving in.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: heyy guys well im 16/f if you needed to know that and not to sound conceited or anything but everyone always tells me how pretty/gorgeous i am! well my friends and all the girls. except no guys have called me beautful/hott/cute or anything and then i am SOOO self-concsious of my nose..its like sooo big! and i dont know what to do..i know there isnt much to dobecause i dont want to get plastic surgery or anything! whenever i take pictures thats all i see--my nose and its so embarassing! also my smile..i hate it my mouth is SOO small so my smile is all messed up and you cant even see much of my teeth i dont know..im just so jealous of many girls lately..and i know thats normal but i just dont know what to do anymore :

Well, let me put it to you this way. The girls that you've been jealous of, they may seem like they have it all, but they do have many insecurities just like you do.

Without having a little insecurity about ourselves, we wouldn't love our good traits and features as much as we do. Without feeling pain or hurt, we wouldn't feel as great when we feel pleasure. Most of the time when girls have something they hate about themselves, it's not as bad as they make it out to be. It's usually something small, and if it isn't, then it's something you will likely learn to love later on.

Now, I know you may be thinking that you'll never learn to love your smile or your nose, but I'm sure that there was a time when a friend had an insecurity and you thought that it was ridiculous and small or that it's a good thing. When you said that a lot of your friends and other girls always tell you how pretty you are, maybe they think those insecurities you have are actually pretty great on you. Your smile and your nose is part of what makes you yourself. Just remember that all insecurities are usually not a big deal and everyone has them.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hi....im 15/f...
i live with my dad and my step mom. i go to see my mother once a month...if im even lucky, somtimes once every 3 months...but lately ive bean feeling like my mom doesnt love me and more.
last time i saw her i got 2 stay for 2 days only, when i was supposed to stay for 4 days. she took me and my brother home early because she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend that just got out of jail that morning. ive already talked to her about it but she didnt want to listen to me...she just yelled at me instead. saying thay if i loved her i would let her have sex every day.....what should i do? shes never bean there for me at all in my life...when ever i need something for school or when i need clothes she tells me to call my grandma because she doesnt have any money. she calls me names like stupid b****, dumb a** h*, jack a***, little slut, ext. so what should i do about it?
thank you,

*~*baby*~*

sorry its long~

You're right. Your mom is acting like a jerk.

The sad thing is that you can't do a whole lot about this except to reach out to your grandma or dad or another parent for support that you need from your mom. I know that it really hurts to feel unloved by your mom, but that isn't the truth. She is neglecting and abandoning you, not hating you or unloving you.

There are a lot of young people that have to deal with parents who are like this, and it's hard to cope with, but what really matters in the end is that you keep going in your life and don't let yourself go down a wrong path in life. When you can't find love and support from your parents, find it from a school counselor, or a teacher, or maybe even a family friend.

Let me put it to you this way. It's hard to be a responsible mom. A mom who cooks and feeds her children every night, does the housework everyday, keep a good marriage going with her husband. Being a mom is a hard job, but that's definetly no excuse for what your mom is doing. My point is that your mom is taking the easy way out of life. She finds it easier to just yell and scream at you and get you away from her when you get upset about something. Mom's usually deal with how their children feel, and that's the hard way of being a mom. Your mom didn't give birth to you and decide that she was going to scream at you and your brother. She probably thought it would be easy to take care of kids, but it's not. It's only easier to neglect them and shut them out when they don't want to hear them.

So what I'm saying is that your mom is really messing up with you and your brother. She's causing you a lot of pain she will probably never know. If I think she had a clue of the pain she's causing, she would feel horrible. I just want you to know that there are a lot of kids who have gone through life without a good mother, or father, and that doesn't mean that they can't turn out to be happy in their lives later on.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okayy .. so my boyfriend and me have never been EXTREMELY close .. and that bothers me .. but lately he's drifting away from me even more. he would get all into it and be like i love you so much babe i miss you, and on and on. but now he never calls and he says love u. like he barely even means it.

i know i know .. i need to talk to him. well the thing is ive tried. ive asked what was wrong .. if somethings goin on that i should know about .. and hes like no nothings wrong. just tired.

sunday night i went to a friends house and monday we talked and hes like ya i called your house sunday to see if you wanted to hang out. ( i didnt go to chelseys till 9 30) so he could have called. but i dont think he did. he said he did but i was WAITING for him to call .. and his number never showed up .. theres a possibliity he called but i was busy so the answerin machine picked up .. but i dont know ..

like he changes his mind daily and i just have to be quick enough to keep up with him. i really do love him .. and he says he loves me to .. but sometimes the way he acts .. just makes me go crazy.

my friend always bad mouths him sayin hes lieing when he says he loves me and she knows that hes just gonna blow me off .. so his un predicatbility and then the way she does that .. i just dont knwo what to think ..

please help .. im sorry its so long .. but i dont know what i should do. guys imput?
i know i didnt build a good case for myself, but like when me and him have good times there amazing. i feel so great just after talkin to him. but hes changin .. and im scare whats gonna be his decision ..

If you've confronted your boyfriend about this problem that you are noticing, let him know that this is really making you question his true feelings in the relationship. Sometimes guys will have a problem and when a girl confronts the issue, he won't even think it over and just say that nothing is wrong. So, what you have to do is let him know that you are really hurting for answers.

I think that you should try telling your friend to stay out of your relationship because it doesn't help to have your friend put your guy down and fight your battles. He isn't going to listen to her when she says how you feel, it has to come from you.

Just let him know that this is really bothering you, and it's making you truly question this relationship. And if he's still not getting the idea, then you'll have to break up with him or do something that will make him realize that you are serious about this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: everyone at my school hates me.yesturday i got really upset so i didnt go to school today. We were talking on the phone and..a lot of people at my school dislike me. This hurt me a lot. i mean i knew i wasnt liked by everyone but i dont know what to do. apparently its because i "flip out" and this made me really upset, and now i think i should change so i am well-liked. what should i do? like, what kind of people would you be friends with?
(please dont tell me not to change myslef.)

If you know for sure that people dislike you, then you have to think about what is it about yourself that might be hurting people around you to make them dislike you.

You said that it's because you flip out. Try thinking about the way you react to situations when you are mad. Do you think it's possible that you may have overreacted and got too upset? I'm not saying that it's you, but people can't just suddenly happen to dislike you unless theres a logical reason.

Change isn't the answer. Not a change like from being a nice girl to a really mean girl. The key to having good friends is respecting everyone even though you may not like them. An example of respect would be that if you heard a rumor about someone, you just let it go and don't spread it to everyone you know. You have to place yourself in other's shoes and think, "Would I want this done to me?" And then decide whether it's appropriate or not.

Think about what could be triggering people to dislike you and try improving on that. Not changing, just make improvements on yourself. If it's getting out of hand to the point where you aren't even going to school, then maybe you need to talk to your school counselor and they could probably call in a few girls that claim to not like you and straighten things out.

[You said that I didn't answer your question. You asked, "What should I do?" and I answered: You should think about what could possibly be making people dislike you. You asked, "What kind of people would you be friends with?" I answered: The key to having good friends is respect. By the way, girls under 13 aren't allowed to be posting here, and I'm pretty sure that you must be under 13 because you can't take some advice that you don't want to hear.]

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I think I have depression, and I want to see a counsellor. I walked passed the room today but i couldn't go in, i just felt like i would be wasting their time and that I don't really need any counselling.

I have been feeling like thi for about 3 years, i used to self harm about 2 years ago but i got that under control - i still want to when i get wound up.

I often think about what it would be like when I'm dead, I wonder who would miss me, who wouldn't miss me.
A few months ago, I was going to commit suicide, i started to write a letter to my mum, but I couldn't finish it, I jut burst into tears.

I need someone to talk to. But I can't bring myself to walk into that room.
How can I overcome this?? Why can't i bring myself to walk into the room?

Please help me. x

I know it's hard to think about actually sharing your feelings to someone, but if it has to do with you not being happy or you in danger of suicide, then it's important and not one minute of what you share is a waste of their time.

If you were a counselor, mom, dad, or a friend, you'd want someone to come to you and let you know what's going on. Depression isn't usually taken that seriously because you think that these feelings will go away and even if they do, you should definetly talk to someone.

I think that maybe you feel scared to tell a counselor because you're afraid of your family being notified of this and you feel maybe a little ashamed about this. Or you might be afraid of reaction you'll recieve from this counselor and your family. What you have to think about is the fact that you didn't ask to have depression and no one ever would if they went through it. If you don't tell someone what is happening in your life with these feelings, it's being careless of yourself. You are letting yourself be dragged across concrete in pain when you don't tell someone.

Take care of yourself by asking for help. There are so many moments when your life can get so rough that you have no choice but to ask for help. I know that you don't mean to be careless of yourself, but it's what you are doing. When you go in that counselor's office, explain to him or her that you are feeling depressed and that it's been this way for quite sometime. They will probably assume that it's a phase, but it's your job to explain that you've felt depressed for over a year and need help.

You also may feel scared to let someone know because you feel like you might be making it a bigger deal than it is, well, let me say that if you even began writing a suicide letter to someone, you can never make that a big deal. It is what it is, it's a huge deal, and theres nothing you can do to make it bigger than it is. Let someone know your pain, even if it's not your counselor.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I found out my ex boyfriend who i love so much and want back, likes this slut from another school and she likes him back and he is going to ask her out...if this happens i dont know what ill do...it may be something drastic...please help! im scared and heartbroken =[

I know this is probably hard news to hear, but if your ex-boyfriend wants to get with someone whose a slut, then it'll just have to happen.

What you have to concentrate on is yourself and how you can make everything around you more comfortable to deal with this break-up. If you spend your time trying to find out what he's doing and who he's doing it with, it will just make you hurt even more when you hear about it. And the worst of it is that what you hear in the future may not even be true. So you might be hurting and crying for a rumor that might not even be true.

Do yourself a favor by staying out of his life and not worrying about what he's up to even though you feel good when his name comes up in a conversation. I know it has to hurt thinking about all of this, but this would be the time to have your family and friends as your love and support team. Theres nothing worse than dealing with something really painful all by yourself. Reach out to someone who can be there for you and bring you comfort.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I had this friend in middle school. A best friend, and I really loved her. I never talked behind her back or anything. People told me that she was not a good friend to me though. I dont know- maybe she wasn't. Anyways- one day we got into an awful fight and she attempted suicide. it was serious, and she ended up in a hospital. She called me, and told me it was all my fault. Now she's in a mental hospital, a residential. we recently started talking again. I feel horribally guilty, even though she said that it was her who was wrong to blame me. Anyways... i found out that she told another one of our friends one of my biggest secret, and im thinking maybe she has not changed. So I dont know... should I forgive her for this whole big mess? (the suicide thing and everything) or should I never speak to her again. Please help, thank you.

What a tough situation. Just because she attempted suicide, it doesn't mean that she should be let off the hook for telling secrets or anything that was really wrong. She has a lot of issues, and if I were you, I wouldn't stick around to deal with them.

I'm not saying that you should tell her that the friendship is off, just don't make her one of those friends you have to talk to everyday and not a friend yo tell your secrets to anymore. And if she starts to wonder what's going on with you, just say something like this: "I really liked having you as a friend in middle school, and I felt horrible that you even wanted to kill yourself and I wanted to be there for you. But now I know that I won't get that in return from you."

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My boyfriend lives about an hour and a half away so I stay over there a lot. He won't stay at mine. It really annoys me when my boyfriend goes out all day so I'm stuck at his with nothing to do because I can't get home. The other day we were arguing about it when his mam said to me, "I'm not butting in, but it's give and take in a relationship." What does that saying mean? And what does she mean when she says that? Because to me it seems like I do all the giving by going all that way to see him and he does all the taking by ditching me to do something else, but she was supposedly standing up for her son?

My guess would be that his mom meant that you're the one whose been giving in the relationship by staying there all of the time while he's just out taking.

Heres the point: If he's not spending time with you while you are over at his house and you've talked to him about it, then you should tell him that you aren't coming over there anymore. Seriously. I know you may really love him, but you've done nothing but given him yourself while he's out. He needs to return the favor by staying over at your house or actually staying at his house while you're there.

Let him know that when he's out while you are there at his house makes you question this relationship. The only way he'll listen is if you show him that you aren't going to stay at his house while he's out. Don't use words anymore. It's time to start using actions. And when you begin to feel guilty and miss him, remember the fact that you've done all you could. You've confronted the situation, and you've been over there enough times to know that he's just going to leave again.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Do people not liike it when you`re sappy like, "i`m really s0rry, i knoe i was wrong" if they`re mad at you. do they look @ it as sucking up? i asked a question earlier on this site. i`ll rate for g0od answeres. &♥; day`na

Even if people thought it was sucking up or being sappy, it's not wrong to say if you mean it. Just when you say you're sorry, be sure to include saying what you were wrong about to show that person that you own up to your wrong actions. Don't let what people think of what you say stop you from saying it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Well I've been in a relationship for about 9 months now on-and-off. It's been amazing, but alot has happened. I love his family to death and they all love me, and I love my bf too. But he one dumped me for another girl, but two weeks later got me back. After that we swore to be honest with eacother. I felt that I couldn't trust him so we broke up again. I stayed single for about a month and a half after that, and no guy felt right. I love him and I knew it so I decided I should've stayed with him. So we got back together again. After a week of dating him again, he left to go to work out of state for Spring break, while I stayed here. I ended up partying alot and making out with another guy. I told the guy I didn't have a bf. Well when he got back he heard rumors that I had cheated on him, and I said they were all lies and denied all the accusations. In my mind, I felt like I was getting him back for what he put me through when he dumped me for the other girl.

Well then after three weeks of us being back together, we started fighting really bad, mostly because I felt really bad for cheating and was stressed because I couldn't tell him about it. Well he blew me off one day to go out of town with his friends. He told me they were out skating all night, but I knew he was lying. He kept ignoring my call, and when he finally did pick up I heard a girl in the background.

Well when he got back the next day he was acting all sweet to me. Then later this prank caller kept blowing up his phone, so finally I answered it and the caller said that my bf had cheated on me with her friend at a college party the night before. I asked her the girl's name and then told the girl to have her friend call me. Her friend did and explained that she had a bf and he told her he wasn't dating anyone at the time. He never drinks, but that night he got trashed (about 20 shots of Southern Comfort) and they ended up making out. He kept denying it when I asked him about it, and told me I could ask his friends.

His friends kept saying he was at the skate park over the speaker phone, because they knew he was listening, but then I called them when he wasn't around and they told me that they all went to a party and that he was just lying because he was drunk and doesn't want me to dump him over it. Well he came in the room while I was talking to them on the phone, and I put them on speaker phone asked them again where they went, and they told me agian that they went to a party. After I got off the phone, my bf started to cry hysterically and told me what happened. I started crying too and let him know how I had lied to him too. We decided to stay together and start over fresh, no lies, no more cheating, and no more shit behind eachother's backs.

Well my question is this:
Do you think it is worth staying together after we both cheated on eachother?
And if so, what can we both do to help eachother get over what we both did and focus on making this right again?

I say that this relationship is dead. There is no trust at all, you denied and lied about cheating and so did he. How can you expect to start over at this point?

You said that he broke up with you for another girl, so when you went off and made out with another guy, you felt it was ok to do since he put you through a lot of pain by leaving you for that other girl. The point there is, that he didn't cheat. He actually broke it off with you before he got involved with this girl. So now what, when he does something with another girl again, he'll confess it to you and you'll accept it because you did the same thing? That's no way to be in a relationship.

There is absolutely no trust in this relationship, and without trust, how will you move forward? You say that you've both decided to start fresh, well you've both been off and on. Did you think you'd start over better all of those times you got back together? Probably so. I think that you and this guy can't trust each other anymore. And even if you became trustworthy again yourself, what will convince you that he's trustworthy again?

I know that you feel like this relationship has gone on for a long time, but I would suggest ending this relationship before it does go on too long enough for you to stay and put up wuith each other. Even though it's hard, you can live without this guy. It's possible, and you should. You can find love elsewhere with someone way better than to cheat on you and have you both play a revenge game on each other.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Here's the story. I'm 13/F and I am like the only girl in my school who isn't obsessed with guys. Like, I get crushes and things but I'm not obsessed with guy watching or finding a boyfriend, or getting my first kiss. I feel like it's better to let things just happen instead of pressuring yourself to have it happen because then you might go after just about anyone. I'm also not into make-up and clothes. I don't wear any make-up, except cover up under my eyes to cover dark circles. And don't get me wrong, I like shopping, but I don't love it, and I think talking about clothes and make-up is pretty frivolous and unimportant, and a bit annoying. My weight is the next problem. Alot of my friends are always concerened about their weight and they talk about weight issues alot also. I don't have any problems with my weight though. My friends and I are pretty skinny but they still like count carbs and watch how much they eat, not to be healthy, just skinny and I don't.

My main problem is it makes me feel so different and unattached to my friends. I feel like I have nothing to talk about when they bring up guys and make-up and clothes and weight. I feel like I have nothing to say and I just sit to the side listening to them and wondering how they can be so.. I don't know, they aren't exactly shallow, but sometimes that's how they seem.

Don't get me wrong, that's not all they talk about, and when they don't I love hanging out and talking to them. But when they do I just don't know what to do.

Any help would be appreciated and I'm SO sorry it's so long!!

Most girls that are your age will talk about boys, make-up and their appearances because that's is what's important to them at that time in their lives. Teenage girls are always wanting to know what kind of make-up can make them look their best for a certain guy they like or all of them.

It's ok not to be interested in that too. Sometimes you just start out confused with other girls and wonder how they can be so interested in that kind of stuff. And then a little later on, they begin relating to it. I'm not saying you'll be as upbeat and excited as your friends are, but when you start wearing make-up and start getting interested in clothing, you'll understand better and be able to fit in their conversations better. You don't have to share your crushes and actually have crushes in order to have girlfriends.

The point is, that when you are in school and you start having crushes and worry about how you look, it just matters the most in that time of your life.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm honestly a smart girl but I'm lazy & hate working. This has drastically affected my grades in school. My parents expect great grades from me (which I haven't had throughout highschool). I'm a junior and grades really matter. I dread report card days because it's the same routine - me crying while my mom screams & punishes me. It is my fault & I know that. How do I start stepping it up and show my mom that this time will be different? I need ways to pull my grades up big time and change my lazy ways.

School really can be stressful, but if you understand and keep up, then it won't be as stressful.

The only way to show someone that you'll do better is to do it. Actions count way more than words. It's easy to just say you'll do better than to actually do it.

The first thing you should do is to start asking questions to understand what you are learning. If you are in math, and have no idea how your teacher got the answer, ask him or her to slow down and explain because you are lost. There is nothing wrong with asking the teacher to stop and explain. You probably don't see it going on in your classes because those people either get it, or they are too scared to ask and feel like they'll look dumb in front of the class.

If you let fear get in the way, then it's going to effect your grades and your understanding.

The second thing you should do is to not rush through everything just because it's boring and you want to go hang out with friends. If you have a writing assignment, take your time and write neatly, and put a lot of effort into it. If you rush through it, it won't be worthy of a good grade. You have to work hard in order to recieve good grades. You may be thinking that others don't have to work hard, but they do. Sometimes writing can come easier to people who like to write, but even if you don't, it doesn't mean that you can't write a good paper.

The third thing you should do is be respectful to your teachers. I know this sounds a little off track, but if you respect your teachers and get your work in on time most of the time, they'll respect you back and maybe cut you some slack if you accidently leave your assignment at home or in your locker the day it's due.

And most importanly, study. If there is a big test coming up, look it over and have your mom quiz you to let her know that you are getting prepared. If you are having a hard time studying, ask a family member for help. Your parents don't expect you to do perfectly, they expect for you to do your best and put all you have in it. Try having those expectations of yourself too. Don't beat up on yourself if you get a low grade, just try thinking about how you could have done better and do that next time.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.