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Cheating But Staying With Him
Well I've been in a relationship for about 9 months now on-and-off. It's been amazing, but alot has happened. I love his family to death and they all love me, and I love my bf too. But he one dumped me for another girl, but two weeks later got me back. After that we swore to be honest with eacother. I felt that I couldn't trust him so we broke up again. I stayed single for about a month and a half after that, and no guy felt right. I love him and I knew it so I decided I should've stayed with him. So we got back together again. After a week of dating him again, he left to go to work out of state for Spring break, while I stayed here. I ended up partying alot and making out with another guy. I told the guy I didn't have a bf. Well when he got back he heard rumors that I had cheated on him, and I said they were all lies and denied all the accusations. In my mind, I felt like I was getting him back for what he put me through when he dumped me for the other girl.
Well then after three weeks of us being back together, we started fighting really bad, mostly because I felt really bad for cheating and was stressed because I couldn't tell him about it. Well he blew me off one day to go out of town with his friends. He told me they were out skating all night, but I knew he was lying. He kept ignoring my call, and when he finally did pick up I heard a girl in the background.
Well when he got back the next day he was acting all sweet to me. Then later this prank caller kept blowing up his phone, so finally I answered it and the caller said that my bf had cheated on me with her friend at a college party the night before. I asked her the girl's name and then told the girl to have her friend call me. Her friend did and explained that she had a bf and he told her he wasn't dating anyone at the time. He never drinks, but that night he got trashed (about 20 shots of Southern Comfort) and they ended up making out. He kept denying it when I asked him about it, and told me I could ask his friends.
His friends kept saying he was at the skate park over the speaker phone, because they knew he was listening, but then I called them when he wasn't around and they told me that they all went to a party and that he was just lying because he was drunk and doesn't want me to dump him over it. Well he came in the room while I was talking to them on the phone, and I put them on speaker phone asked them again where they went, and they told me agian that they went to a party. After I got off the phone, my bf started to cry hysterically and told me what happened. I started crying too and let him know how I had lied to him too. We decided to stay together and start over fresh, no lies, no more cheating, and no more shit behind eachother's backs.
Well my question is this:
Do you think it is worth staying together after we both cheated on eachother?
And if so, what can we both do to help eachother get over what we both did and focus on making this right again?
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I say that this relationship is dead. There is no trust at all, you denied and lied about cheating and so did he. How can you expect to start over at this point?
You said that he broke up with you for another girl, so when you went off and made out with another guy, you felt it was ok to do since he put you through a lot of pain by leaving you for that other girl. The point there is, that he didn't cheat. He actually broke it off with you before he got involved with this girl. So now what, when he does something with another girl again, he'll confess it to you and you'll accept it because you did the same thing? That's no way to be in a relationship.
There is absolutely no trust in this relationship, and without trust, how will you move forward? You say that you've both decided to start fresh, well you've both been off and on. Did you think you'd start over better all of those times you got back together? Probably so. I think that you and this guy can't trust each other anymore. And even if you became trustworthy again yourself, what will convince you that he's trustworthy again?
I know that you feel like this relationship has gone on for a long time, but I would suggest ending this relationship before it does go on too long enough for you to stay and put up wuith each other. Even though it's hard, you can live without this guy. It's possible, and you should. You can find love elsewhere with someone way better than to cheat on you and have you both play a revenge game on each other.
-TheTeenGirl
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Dear Cheating Couple,
My, my, my...so much drama! It sounds like you both have a lot of work to do before you can seriously consider a committed relationship. Unless you are willing to stop ALL the game playing and begin being honest with yourselves, you don't stand a chance. Not only is your current relationship doomed but also any future relationships if you don't get honest with your selves.
Being in a committed relationship takes some emotional depth; some people aren't capable of this until they've matured a bit. In the meantime, perhaps you might both want to consider some personal growth work: a class, support group, or some kind of setting where you can explore who you are and what you're all about.
*What most people don't understand is the more we deeply we know ourselves the better able we are to connect with others. So, that being said, I hope you'll find a way to do the personal work necessary to get on the right track with yourself first and then each other.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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No. On and off relationships never work out in the end. Maybe you could make it work if this was the first time one of you had cheated, but this happened before, and it's going to happen again. Relationships aren't about childish games like kissing someone to get back at your boyfriend dumping you for another girl they're about working through those things. Two wrongs don't make a right. How can this work when neither of you are trustworthy and you both lie to eachother? You both need to grow up before any of you can make it in a serious relationship.
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