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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hi! So im 13 and I'm always scared of parent teacher school conferences. When I went in another school, everytime I was there the teachers said really good things about me but after I moved there have been some changes. My first conference went really well, but the second was horrible. My mom expects me to be the best in the class and she always asks the teacher. The teachers hate me, and sometimes I answer them back and then they get mad. So last time I went there they sad my atitude is really bad and I laugh at teachers, which is something I don't. And my parents take the stuff I care about from me if I do something wrong, they take like my phone and even cloths. So Can Anynone pleas help?
You are describing teacher s and parents acting like middle schoolers in maturity. I highly doubt all of them are acting like that. My guess is that there is some miscommunication, you havent asked for clarification and are mainly assuming things like teachers hating you. Teachers won't last long in their job if they 'hate' students.
The only thing that gives me something to go on is when you said Mom expects you to be the best in the class. If that is so, that can create trouble for you , the weight of feeling you have to be perfect all the time. Could it be that instead your mom wants you to do your personal best which will differ from another students personal best. A good parent will want this for their child rather than expecting their child to always strive to be better than everyone else. But there is a chance some parents think they are doing the right thing in that but are very misguided and that frustrates not just you but the teacher who is always hearing from parents who want their kid to do better than all others. If this is what is actually going on, then I encourge you to go talk to a school counseler. Explain in a calm manner exactly what is going on because as I have explained, there is a great difference between the two, one way is constructive and the other destructive.
I do believe to some extent, most kids feel nervous wondering what the teacher is going to say to the parents about them. At your age, it is even more important to kids to fit in and be liked and highly thought of and so if a child needs improving in some areas, that can make them feel bad but it is a normal part of life. We all find times in life where we don't always get something the first time around and may have to review and practice or try harder, even grown ups.
I do not know what you are doing that is being labeled having a bad attitude so I can't really say what I see going on there. Laughing at inappropriate times at anyone, not just teachers, can be taken as disrespectful. You'd need to be more forth coming with information and give some detailed descriptions of what you are doing/saying, what the teacher is doing/saying and what other classmates are doing when you are accused of a bad attitude. So if you want to take the time to explain deeper in more detail, I'd be glad to try to help more. Just go to my column and write to me from there as I can't answer on the comment page.
My husky is about 3 years old I think she may have gotten into a small amount of chocolate. It was a Chocolate santa (Normal sized. No bigger than a normal chocolate santa) but it had rice crispies in it as well. I am panicked and I need to know if this will hurt my dog. She is a Siberian Husky and she is 3 years old. I need help.
Will a chocolate crisp santa kill my dog?
I had heard that chocolate was bad for dogs but recently a friend with a dog told me her vet said it wasn't true. A little chocolate won't kill a dog or make it sick, but a large amount, getting it often in diet can make a dog sick, I suppose much like it can give a person a tummy ache, although I can't say how it makes a dog sick. So if it was just one piece, don't worry about it.
I do ballet and contemporary dancing but every time I do a turn or any fast moves I find that my eyes are increasingly hurting, this throws me off and I can deal with pain in my legs my back my arms and my feet but my eyes are really sore and I feel as if even if I try in a shady room I just can't seem to get it away. my future is on the line if I can't fix this my doctor is useless and just says I need an eye test which I went to and didn't show anything my eyes are fine please try and help me save my career.
I have never heard of that. I do know that fast turns can make some people like myself dizzy, so my eyes wouldn't hurt, just feel dizzy and unable to focus and lose I'd lose my balance...this was just for going out dancing with a partner. I am wondering if it is dizziness and not a pain that you are experiencing. I've heard to focus on a point across the room as you do spins to help although it never helped me all the way, just a little.
Sometimes if we use words to describe to doctors a problem and the words don't click in their head cus its not part of their personal mind language, then they just aren't going to get it. If you have something uniquely different than what I mentioned, keep trying to communicate the same thing in different ways and try different doctors until you find someone who understands what is going on. Have you talked to your dance teacher/leader. Perhaps they have heard of this phenomena and have helpful hints for you since it sounds like it has nothing to do with 20/20 vision or anything less.
I have just broken up with my partner of 5 years. This time last year I moved to Australia as I felt I needed to see the world. At first I wanted my boyfriend to come with me and he wanted to go somewhere else which devastated me, but when I got there I really loved it and I enjoyed being on my own. A month later though he moved over to be with me because he missed me too much. Since we moved in together over there, things werent the same. Were only 24 but we rarely had sex, which sadly I was happy about because I had lost sexual feelings towards him a year or so before. When I was out without him I always behaved like I was single and actively sought out other men to flirt with. I ended up meeting someone that I worked with and sleeping with him and very quickly developed deep feelings for him. After about 2 weeks of seeing each other we both told each other we loved each other despite us both being in other relationships. I left my boyfriend and went travelling with the other guy and friends for 3 months which just caused us to fall deeper in love with each other. I have told my ex that I have been seeing someone else but he just wants us to get back together. Even though we were apart for a while he always thought that we were going to end up together but it is just hitting him now that it is over for me. He is completly and utterly devastated, I have never seen him so down. He is usually so macho and composed but he is just crushed, he says he feels like there is a black cloud constantly hanging over him, and that he would rather get hit by a bus than feel this pain anymore. He is convinced that he will never ever be happy again because he will never ever find anyome that he is as close to as me, he talked about how he was going to propose to me and how he still thinks that we are soulmates. I dont know what to do. I am home in Ireland for christmas , seeing my family for the first time in a year and so is he but I am completly miserable. I am racked with guilt, I cannot stop crying , I wake up feeling anxious and panicky because I know hes not sleeping and eating at that he is depressed. He is begging me to just try with him one more time. I just want to take his pain away and I know I am the only one who can but I know my feelings for the other guy are stopping me because I really miss him and I know things with him are real even though it is too soon for me and I am not emotionaly ready I cannot stop myself from talking to him. I feel like I ll never be able to live with myself with all this guilt because I honestly feel like my ex will never get over this, he is such an amazing caring and sweet person but it takes him so long to open up to people, he only has ever opened up to me in his life. This is honestly killing me, my heart is breaking and every time he asks me to please try again I feel like I cannot continue to say no that I just want to say yes and hold him and stop him from all this because he does not deserve any of this pain . I Really hate myself.
You need two things for a firm foundation in a 'couple' relationship that involves being in love,
1. Being each others best friends (where ones emotional needs are met
2. Being the best sex partners, having sexual chemistry, same libido's and same wants and desires (which meets ones sexual needs.
The need for love can be found in both. But for a long term relationship, where you feel you're with your soul mate, you'll need both.
Life isn't always fair. Sometimes we find a person perfect for us in one area but not both. And because we feel love for them, of course you can feel guilty. But remember, its for his best too, to find someone more his sexual equal. You may make great best friends, but that's not enough unless all you want til the day you die is being married to a best friend and having no sex life or a very poor one. Getting into a relationship like that, like a marriage, only means its a matter of time before one partner or both are unhappy after years of being unfulfilled in an area and either divorce or cheat on the partner. That hurts too. maybe even worse for all the years invested.
You are not responsible for how he "Feels" to your choosing a guy better suited for you. His feelings are his own. Even though hurtful, or disappointing, he can choose how he will react to it. Someone emotionally attached can blow things out of proportion and say things like their life is over and such. Happened to me too once. And the guy had some mental issues I later learned, but he got over the hurt in time and discovered that not getting me ended up being the better thing that happened so he could meet the girl who was perfect for him. He's now much happier.
I can understand if he is at least like a best friend and you want to stay in touch, but you may not be able to do that until he gets through his hurt and recovers your rejection. So for a good long while, it might be better to tell him you are going to stop communicating with him for a while, not because you dont want him as a friend but because he needs time to come to grips with your decision and that his talking to you isn't helping him heal but reopening his wounded feelings. SO let him know to not expect any response to his calls or texts or letters or messages on line for a while. Pain in break ups can not be avoided. Dating is about finding the person best suited for you, not sticking with the first one you said "I love you" to even though they ended up not being perfect for you. This is a normal process and nothing to hate yourself over. I hope you can see and understand my reasoning. You cannot erase all the pain of all people in this world. What of all the unwanted pets at shelters, they don't deserve the pain of rejection either but are you going to adopt every single one of them and bring them home simply because they don't deserve to suffer pain? That's not the correct reason or determininging factor for choosing a mate dear.
Why many girls sitting in the class shake their legs
You'll have to re-word your question, maybe provide the situation in more detail as to what is occuring.
For example, if the class is a dance or exercise class, it may be part of the routine.
Are you a girl too or a boy? Sometimes it is hard to understand why there may be similar behavior in one sex, but there are some basic characteristics that guys have in common and same with girls. Most women for example don't have to try to wiggle when they walk, it's alot about how their body is put together. It just happens. Guys don't have to think about standing often with legs wide in stance and arms bent out at the side, it's a natural trait that comes down thru history from a time when men had to fight to protect their families and town from attacks. And if they could make themselves look larger than they really are, more bulky by taking up more visual space with arms and legs wider out, that might discourage a possible attacker from going through with the attack. This may not answer your question directly so if you are all that much bothered by it or so curious you must have a plausible reason, I'd need to know what you even mean by shaking. Shaking like shivering from cold for example? Not sitting still and moving legs often in ways that are best described in other ways. I am a female and cant say I've witnessed legs shaking from most seated women.
They'll criticize the new Annie for making Annie and Mr. Warbucks black, but say nothing at the entire Exodus film, set in ancient Egypt, being white washed. They'll even criticize characters originally intended to be POC, like Rue from the Hunger Games, and the laughable Dragon Ball and Avatar: The Last Airbender live action films. Why promote racism? Just because your parents, of an older time, are racist, doesn't mean you have to adapt to their flawed way of thinking. Think logically. I want a better future for the next generation, not a future where people only repeat the same mistakes.
Hon, racism isn't the only thing being promoted on TV and other media. If you look hard enough they are promoting that men and women will only be liked or sexy if they look like the image they give you to reach for that is physically impossible to reach. It's all in the name of selling products to make you look or feel like one of the crowd, to feel sexy.
Media is responsible for shaping the beliefs of many people who don't know how to think for themselves or are very impressionable.
Sitcoms are increasingly becoming more stupid and characters ruder in how they speak to others, especially friends and family members, taught it is okay to cut someone down because it is laughed at in the show, it's supposed to be funny to have a sharp tongue and hurt people or pick fights with words.
There's probably a lot more I could list but thats just a sample of what's going on, and its all about ratings, and money, bottom line. They don't care about accuracy or leading people astray or promoting something terrible that shouldn't be promoted in the first place.
That unfortunately is the world we live in and its certainly not perfect.
I love animals very much and I would do anything to save them as best I can. But I can't help but think that I may like animals more that people. Is this normal for a person?
I can't say that it is normal or not normal. And this may not even be the reason why for you, But I have noticed that in today's time, more people are having difficulties learning how to connect socially with other humans especially with technology available today of computer social sites, texting and such where we never learn how to interact with other humans face to face on a daily level. So instead of working harder to learn how to have relationships at any level, friends, mates, etc... we decide it's less hassle to like and care about animals because they won't complain or take things wrong if you don't word something right, they won't get upset if you come home later one day and fail to explain what held you up, etc.... With a pet, we get to transfer some of those human needs to interact with another human to an animal. Some lonely women who never married and had kids still have a maternal need and thus they make their pets their children. Not saying thats bad, I believe pets are family members too and have an important place in the family, but it just seems to go to an extreme with some folks in my opinion. However, as long as it doesnt hurt anyone that you prefer animals to humans, and you don't find yourself lacking anything in relying solely on animals for interaction, then i see nothing wrong with following what please your heart.
I have been in private schools my whole life this year is my first year of high school. I basically have no friends besides a few from my middle school. I have no social life aside from them really. My dad thinks I'm depressed here and asked if I wanted to switch schools for 10th grade. I don't know what to do I don't know if I could fit in a public school or not.I also don't know if it be a good idea switching into a new school after freshmen year?
Why does your Dad believe you are depressed at the private school? What are you saying or doing? Do you believe you are depressed? Are you simply feeling like you are missing out on something?
I had a daughter in private school for a couple years when the public schools wouldn't hold her back a grade and she wasnt ready to move on yet.
As far as I can remember, there was plenty of opportunity to socialize at a private school. Its not as large as a public school usually and perhaps without as great a diversity of kids from different cultures, backgrounds, beliefs, different economic levels, etc. Ask yourself if there is an issue within yourself where you have difficulty making lots of friends. If its kind of a social anxiety, shyness, then going to public schools won't help. Ask yourself what a public school has to offer that would help you make more friends that the private school didn't have.
Ask yourself if perhaps this is one of those situations where you might be thinking the 'grass in greener on the other side' type of thing. And lastly, you could make a list of pro's and con's to going to public high school. People move at any given time during a child's school life, so there is no reason why a switch is awkward and can't be made for the 2nd year of high school so that concern doesn't really count. the only concern I'd have is if at Freshman level in private school, they have you more like at 10th or 11th grade levels, because I remember that more was expected of the kids in private school and they were encouraged to work harder. So the worst case is your going into 10th grade to discover you've already studied and passed most of everything that they are trying to teach you that year and you may find it boring as far as holding your attention for studies. Good luck.
I think I want to be a storm chaser, but are my parents going to flip out when I tell them. I know it's my decision, but I don't want to cause them a lot of stress and anxiety. I want to help protect people from bad weather, particularly tornadoes as much as possible. I think I'd be good at it. How would you feel if your kid told you that they wanted to be a storm chaser?
I do not know your parents. There is such a big range of ways a parent can act in that situation and behind it all is a concern for the well being of a loved one. If a kid told me they were choosing to go into a job or even a hobby that was dangerous, I would worry about them, but I happen to understand that it is their choice and there's nothing I can do about it. A parent can be scared for a child who's even taken up sky diving or bungee jumping for example. Anything that might result in the death of ones child is going to grieve a parent. Your choice of profession may cause them stress and anxiety because they can be dangerous, like fighting in a war, being a police officer. Some jobs have greater risks with them than others. yET we all take risks when we drive a car every day. More people die in car accidents than dying from storm chasing. So all you can do to reassure them is remind them of the probably of your dying in a car accident is way higher than storm chasing. It's not the riskiness but the odds of things going wrong and as i said, the odds are greater in a car on the road. Now, obviously I haven't died in a car accident but I have been hit twice and avoided major accidents by just inches on at least a dozen occasions. Yes, the odds in a car are much greater at being injured or dying.
I'd like to give some back story to this tale. Me and x have been friends since my first year at University some five years ago. We have been through a lot of family problems and relationship issues between us but always had each other's back. He has been my closest and longest friend, no romance involved as he is a homosexual.
He lives alone and I live with my fiance. A few months ago he told me that he had filed a report against a male member of his family for sexual abuse back when he was a young man some fifteen years previous (he was a mature student) I have been phoned by child services in a different part of the country and had to do a phone interview and there was a chance I could be called forward as a witness something that has never rested easy with me.
He left his place of work claiming that he has been bullied. I work in a public place where he kept visiting with another friend of ours and I could never 'join in' because I was hard at work and when I did see them outside of work they were always in a rush to leave me to get back there. I held on for as long as I could before I messaged him how I felt about the whole situation and including my distress at a few personal comments he had made to me about my personal appearance.
It was then that he completely stopped any contact between us around a week before Christmas. I already had his gift wrapped under my tree but he wouldn't answer my calls, texts and had blocked me online. I even got a taxi to his flat to drop his gift at the door and still received no word from him.
I have been very concerned about his welfare and his state of mind during the last few days but my family think I have done enough and that it is time to move on and I would be happy to do that if I wasn't so scared about hearing of his untimely death due to PTSD/Despression issues. His family obviously washed their hands due to the reports he made and he is completely isolated but I feel as though I am the only one who cares.
How can I check he is still alive if I can't get through to him?
I'd say if he as a friend made rude comments about your personal appearance, that is not how a friend treats another friend. He was better off saying nothing if he had no positive comment to make. If it was a one time thing, perhaps it is due to his mental state of anguish or something and can be overlooked. If however he has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth often around you and saying inappropriate or hurtful things about any topic concerning you, then he has some character flaws and is not a very good friend.
You may be a very touchy-feely type of person, my sister and one daughter are like that. They care too deeply about some things they have no control over or no ability to intervene in because they are soft hearted and so they make themselves emotionally sick over not being able to change things. Example: Sis wants to adopt a cat from a shelter but knows she can't go to do it cus as soon as she see's all the other cats waiting for a home, she'll break down crying and worrying about them and feeling guilty that she can't provide a home for the rest of them. There is nothing she can do about that, she can only help one but it will never be good enough for her.
You want to know if he's still alive. There may be no way to know and you will torture yourself over it because you feel you will have failed him. You made no mention that I could see of whether he has been in counseling. A person with issues such as his, needs professional help. Your giving him gifts and wanting to be able to be in his life is not going to solve his emotional issues. It may let him know that someone in the world cares about his welfare but just being his friend is not going to be enough. If he plays these games now of no contact with you, I'd say, something is wrong, he may be exhibiting behavior that includes attempting to control situations in his life in ways that he may or may not realize are not helpful to his overcoming his past and getting better. I am sorry that there is no easy way for you to keep in touch. He has been given a free will, same as you. If he is using his to shut you out, there really isn't anything you can do but pray for him. I know its hard cus prayer seems like not doing enough for the people in our life. I have people like this in my life too so I know how that part feels. But when no other options are open, prayer may be the only choice. But I do believe it to be a good option. Leaving him in God's hands.
Im a single mom raising 2 grown kids.. my 22 yr old son is very difficult to live with..i feel you live under my roof you need to follow a few simple house rules, my house rules are very few and basic... at his age how do you "punish" he does work full time.. but we clash often because he seems to always want to do what he wants.. house rules or not..im at my wits end .. how do we make living under one roof work? i hate to give an ultimatum (to move out) because i dont want my child to feel he is not wanted.. his dad is not in the picture...any suggestions??
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You used the word 'raising' adult kids, rather than 'living' with adult kids.
At 18, they became adults. They may still know very little in life. I have 3 adult children, all on their own and I witness them making poor choices, making mistakes that an older adult finds too easy to avoid doing, simple stuff that should come easy. And I agree it can be very frustrating but as parents, once they turn 18, that's it on the raising them part. After that, they need to make their own decisions. So right now, you and I are still parents, no longer raising them so our role has changed. We can only be their sounding board, someone they come to for advice, not solving their issues for them but pointing out things they may not have seen, things to consider as they make choices to solve their own issues. Keep in mind that kids brains dont complete and become mature and able to make good decisions until at least mid twenties. But for most it can take until 27, 28 late twenties before they mature enough to make good decisions. I have one in the age and she is still making Major mistakes/poor choices left and right.
The only trick is, we can't usually offer advice unless our grown child asks for it. I can only state that I have some perspective and advice I'd like to pass on, would they like to hear it, if open to it, a child will say yes, mine still rarely ask for advice. So I must say nothing and allow them to learn the hard way on their own, often the same way you and I learned.
You are in a tricky situation though with the kids still living with you. Yes, it being your home, you have the right to lay down some ground rules to follow. I do not know if the rules were just verbally given, but you might try writing up a contract and setting them down, both kids, not applying to only the more difficult one as you don't want to look like playing favorites or unfairly. In life, the kids are going to have to meet contracts or have something taken away if they don't live up to the expectations. Don't pay cell bill, you get service turned off for example. I'd suggest putting the rules into a contract and having a good conversation, letting them know that this is no different than what they would face out in the world. I do not know what things are making it difficult for you but I can imagine things such as wanting to play and goof off, invite friends over to party when its not his place or not cleaning up behind himself.
I have heard of adult kids living at home who are required to not only pay a monthly amount to the parents for having a place to stay at extremely low cost, and covering their part of utilities, same as he would face if looking for a room in an ad where someone is looking for a room mate to share costs. You pay half of everything including cable and internet. If the other person is on the lease, you have to pass background or credit check by manager to be added, etc....
So its not unreasonable to ask an adult child to help out by paying. Keeping up after himself is something every adult needs to do. You let him know that now that he is an adult, if he doesn't want to clean up after himself, then he can pay for a weekly maid service, check on rates if that is one of the issues. Because you are a single income yourself and you work and must keep up the house too, you can not have tenants, even if children who can not follow rules of the place.
If he signs a contract promising to uphold it, you let him know on the contract that breaking that promise will result in a notice of ( #) of days to vacate during which he must find another place to live. It would not be "You" putting him, out on the street but himself doing so. This has nothing to do with proving love. But all to do with not enabling him to stay dependent on you, crippling his ability to grow up. It may come down to doing the same a landlord would do. Ask for the key back. or changing the locks and putting all his stuff out on the curb if he won't pick it up and take it somewhere. Hon, this is what is called tough love. If he were living on his own somewhere, it wouldn't fall to you to give him advice on how to avoid getting kicked out of his apt. unless he asked.
Now if some unfortunate thing happened, loss of a job, the unforeseen things that could even happen to you, then it is a good thing to take in a child as long as they are living up to what is expected if they stay with you. That is what a loving parent does. Too often, parents end up fearing having their child say they hate mom or dad when they don't get their way when young. I do not know if this was the case for you. But children don't end up hating a parent for life if they didn't get the cereal they wanted at the grocery or the brand name tennis shoes you couldn't afford. they get upset or maybe angry for while, but they always get over it. Love isn't shown by doing everything for them, allowing them to get their way. One of the real battles you have that has nothing to do with your adult children is how you feel about yourself if you decide to be firm and stick with a contract. If your thinking is that you're a bad parent and they will feel unwanted, then you may need help correcting your thinking first before being able to work something out with your children, finding an arrangement that all compromise on and are willing to uphold. It happens to the best of us dear, so don't feel bad but going short term for some counseling on this may help you. That is how important I believe it is when looking at how the parent feels about themselves in the situation. i'd be interested in hearing what you decide to do and how it works for you. Good luck, from one mom to another.
when i read(studie) i think about onather thing what can ido for best studie
I've heard that sugar csn interfere with concentration. A Montessori school we used, said that sugar interfered with the kids ability to concentrate and learn in school and parents had to sign a paper promising not to feed their kids any sugar and this resulted in the most well behaved kids as well as grade schoolers handling themselves as if they were college age. Try cutting lots of it out and see if that helps.
If not, you may just need to practice breaking your subconscious mind of a bad habit of wandering thoughts and inability to focus. The same thing people need to learn to do meditation.
Its hard and frustrating at first. I find if my thought strays, and I find myself thinking of something off subject, I tell that thought it is not wanted now and that I must think about " ?" whatever it is that you need to focus on. Once focusing again, it is sometimes 15 seconds and my mind has wandered again. Capture that thought telling it, not now and focus again. You can be doing this several times in a minute. You may find at first you do more stopping of stray thoughts and re focusing than getting any actual work done. It could take days, weeks of doing this before you find you don't have to stop straying thoughts as often. Its quite depressing to find you spend more of your day on random wandering thoughts than getting anything done but in time you can retrain your subconscious mind once it realizes you are no longer going to allow it the luxury of wandering thoughts.
Good luck!
I am currently I a relationship with a girl which has been going on for about a year and a half. She is from Norway and is currently at her home for Christmas. She will be back in January.
I have recently started thinking about breaking up with her and I can't seem to understand why. She is probably the cutest girl I've ever met and nice but for some reason she's not what I want.
The only thing that's stopping me from ending it right now is that I don't want to hurt her. I could easily stay with her and keep it going and I'd be content with that but that is not the right choice.
I really don't know why I feel like this and I just want some advice on how I should deal with the situation.
I have been giving advice to girls on the same situation for quite some time and it works for the guys too. You sound like you have at least some vague idea of what you want in a girl and what you don't want. That's a good start. I know that it doesn't take a year or more to figure out if a person is right for you unless you barely ever see each other like 2, 3 times a month. Then, yes, it would take quite some time to have even a slight idea if a person might be right for you.
The solution for the situation:
First, you need to know yourself really well. We all think we do but if we had to put it down on paper, like a resume for a job you're going for, it is hard to describe ourselves and who we are at core, whats our talents, passions, our personality. It is helpful to a prospective partner to know if you might be right for them or way off the mark. Yes, we all want someone fair on the eyes, someone whom we personally find handsome/beautiful, whether others do or don't. When you have a well defined list of what you want in life, not just in a girl, your hopes and dreams, you will be able to put together a list that consists of two columns. The most important is a list of your needs. Needs are something that if not present in the prospective partner, it's a deal breaker, you don't date or marry them. That's how important the 'need list' is. The other is a list of wants, wants are something you have a personal liking or preferance for but is not a deal breaker if not present. I will now explain further with examples.
Let's say you want to travel around the world throughout your life and she's a homebody. You never want kids and she does. then its not going to work. There will be a guy just right for her, someone who is a homebody and wants kids right away when they marry, and so no one has to give up something important to them or change who they are. That is only something you can pretend and force yourself to do, but it causes more problems internally for the one having to make the most exceptions. In the "needs" department, I don't believe there can be any compromise. Here's my personal example, put in my dating profile when I was looking for a boyfriend with potential for marriage partner after my divorce. I had discovered the ex and I were sexually mismatched, total different libido's, mine high his low and as to what we liked, also too much diversity where one of us would have to pretend and hated to be something we are not. I also came out of Christianity and was now on a more open accepting spiritual path so I must have someone okay with me being on my own path, not aligning with any religion or belief and on those two biggies, there was no compromise. So a Christian would not work on that issue. In fact one guy interested in me, as soon as he discovered my path, freaked out and called me a heathen on the path to hell and told me to stay away from him. He was the one who approached me in public. You will find the same.
Or lets say, you have a certain religious belief and she is different, what will the kids be raised under? I know this all sounds like marriage right around the corner, even if its years off but unless you are dating as a social thing and are not serious about it or your future, then you wouldn't be having these thoughts of uncertainty regarding her.
The key thing here is, if one of you has to change who you are as a person inside on too many issues to be just right for the other, then neither of you are right for each other. You will be right for someone else. And there is nothing wrong with either of you and your differences. Once you figure out someone is not the right one, then it is time to move on and it means breaking up which is painful for people. There are always some kind of heart ties made, caring, or loving and it will hurt but it will hurt worse over the years being with someone not right for you. This is how some of the nicest people, women and men, end up cheating on a partner because they are with someone too different form them on some important levels. Never change who you are to please another. Never stay with the wrong person because of fearing the uncomfortable process of going through a break up.
A want is simple, it's like icing on the cake. It's not necessary but it's very nice. My example, I wanted to find a guy with long hair. I love playing with hair and love the look of longer hair. I would have been willing to settle for a man who totally shaves his head if he could meet the criteria. This list isn't as important therefore, but it is good to have in the case that you end up finding three women who meet all the criteria on the 'Needs' list and the only thing left to help decide between them now is your list of 'wants'.
So make sure first that there are specific reasons why you don't find her right for you, and the uncertainty isn't just lack of having a list like this to confirm she actually is the right one.
One day my Friend told me her and her boyfriend decided to do something because they both were horny. The
ey couldn't do what they normally do which was dry humping because someone was in the way of that so they couldn't get on top if each other, they decided to pull their pants down with him behind her laying down and rub against each other. she's a virgin and he's is a virgin to . she put his penis on her pussy and he pushed it felt as though her hole was expanding but a little bit of his head was in her pussy. If he was to pre-cum is it possible she could get pregnant . she said he told her that he did see the pre-cum on his pussy til after he finish peeing. I herd you can get pregnant by just rubbing a penis across ur pussy with pre-cum on it, is that true?
Yes. Even the few drops of pre-cum have some sperm in it and sperm is what gets a female pregnant if she is ovulating, has released a fertile egg and the sperm doesnt have to travel far to get inside the vagina where it has a chance of surviving long enough to fertilize the egg. If pre cum is on the head of the penis, and she's not on birth control and doesnt want to become pregnant, he and she have no business letting that precum any where near her. Even if you don't see any precum, it may be close to exiting his penis and could do so at the time he touches near or the entrance of vagina. So if its the pussy lips (Labia) or entrance to the vagina or anywhere inside the vagina, sperm has a chance to survive. If there is no females egg present, then even with sperm inside her, a female wont get pregnant as there is no egg to fertilize. Unfortunately most teens are not going to know when they are ovulating, because teen girls cycles are often not following a regular schedule yet and can come twice in a month or not for 2,3 months as happened with me. So its nearly impossible to calculate when is a safe time for the female. This girl could be pregnant or soon will be if she continues this type of sex play without being on birth control. Going to Planned Parenthood or something of the equivalent in your city, is the best way to get on birth control or get tested to see if already pregnant.
Plan B, the emergency contraception needs to be taken within 5 days after sex to be effective. But it is a harsh dose of contraceptive on a young girls body and she may suffer some side effects. I suggest use of a regular daily pill, the shot or an IUD.
I daydream a lot and I did a little research and I am not sure if it is a maladaptive daydreaming. I think it becoming a problem because I don't like pain. However, when I have a painful experience I create a scenario in my head. The scenario is even more painful but I am in control of what happens. During these daydream I get emotional because they are very painful experience but it worse than the pain I am going through. It my way to escape and process my emotion. I can cry without dealing with my actually emotionally pain.
Everyone gave great advice I agree with, just want to add a few words of my own. I have a family member trying to deal with something mentall on their own and their mental situation keeps deteriorating/getting worse. This person will not visit or relate to anyone in the family any more. Did speak to me a short time couple days ago, saying they are trying to handle things on their own and don't want to go to a professional for help yet, thinking they can figure out a way to make things work on their own.
However this family member is now doing what you are doing, creating the worse scenerio in their head, whether while awake or at night while having nightly nightmares. So in essense, this person is getting no real helpful sleep so in time, their bodys ability to continue on will be compromised by lack of sleep and lack of peace mentally. I also know of an in law who had a physical condition they didn't go to see a doctor for, something that was easily and cheaply handled if taken care of in the beginning. Let it go for 6 yrs until their body from sleep deprivation was on the verge of shutting down. It means that their Dr. said if they hadn't finally gone in when they did the body would have continued to shut down one organ at a time until they just died. The medicine to come back to health when this far gone, cost in the thousands for just one pill. So whether trying to ignore dealing with actual physical pain/problem or a mental one, it is VERY important to go see a professional now, just in case their is a point of no return for you too.
At Walmart, it's pretty much impossible to get foundation in a shade darker than a "medium tan", aka somewhere between Mariah Carey and Rihanna's natural skin tone. Mind you, both women are mixed-race. Where does that leave the vast majority of black people, who aren't as fair skinned? I have to break the bank to afford upscale, specialist beauty brands, like IMAN, because my skin tone is deemed "too uncommon", despite there being more dark skinned people in the world than fair skinned? What else is there even, other than IMAN Cosmetics? IMAN is difficult to find as it is. Most Walmarts don't even carry the brand, even though when you walk through most Walmarts, you always see a diverse array of people. It's sad and ridiculous to me. I need foundation to even my skin tone, but I've literally never bought it before, or BB creams, and/or etc., because I haven't been able to find affordable ones in my complexion. The average black person's skin tone is closer to Lupita Nyongo'o's than Halle Berry's. If we can have makeup for the fairest of fair skin, why not a proper range from light to dark, and not just light to "medium tan"? I can't. Even the phrasing, "medium tan" is Euro-centric. According to these racist makeup companies, are celebrities like Mindy Kaling and Kelly Rowland just "super tanned"?
What I have found in using Walmart's cus that's the range of what my wallet will allow for costs is the Walmart adjusts what products they sell in general, not just makeup, based on what the highest concentration of race lives in the vicinity. My local Walmart seems to cater to Hispanics. So many of the products are all written in Spanish which I can't read with no English translation anywhere to be seen. I find it odd that if English for call centers, or public services offices is in an area mostly white, that there is a Spanish option. However I feel left out and uncomfortable if i want to use an particular item or establishment but they are strictly Spanish speaking and do not offer English translation. Depending on where you look, you will find these kinds of issues everywhere. No it's not fair. Just on the side, if darker skinned people are the majority, what of the countries where whites are few, what do those women wear in makeup? You may be able to purchase makeup on the web from another country where the great demand is for makeup for darker skinned women. Unfortunately, you won't be able to try or sample them. I know this sounds horrible, but perhaps right now the only quick remedy to get some makeup you need in correct shades is to check demographic areas of other Walmarts, choose those in predominently 'Black' area's and then call to speak to the person who handles stocking the makeup/beauty/personal care items and ask them if they carry shades for darker women or heck, even hair care for African-American women.
You have a valid complaint but Walmart is unlikely to change, even with complaints, it's all about the big buck, what they can sell most of, not meeting everyone's needs. Good Luck!
Me-23/F
Boyfriend-25/M
I took an at home pregnancy test which I purchased from a local drug store, which tested negative.
Around that time out of fear and wondering what was going on with my body, I decided to speak to my boyfriend's mother who I THOUGHT would be accepting and understanding. My sister was telling me one thing and my brother's boyfriend's girlfriend was telling me something else, they are both in their twenties so I thought that I would speak to someone older to see if they could shed light.
I chose this woman because the two of us have had such a great relationship in the past and she has been there for me many times. She texted me back, telling me that I was probably pregnant or there was something off with my cycle.
From that point on, she suggested that I get an abortion because my boyfriend and I are not financially ready and are both still in school, but told me that it was up to me.
After taking the test I went to an urgent care clinic, where a doctor saw me who gave me yet another urine test which tested negative. She suggested that I take a blood test to find out whether or not I am pregnant because she said that it is much more accurate.
I texted my boyfriend's mother with what the doctor had said, and she wanted to know the results of the blood test right away. I explained to her that it would take a while for me to find out, that it was lab work and that I would not know right away.
So the chances are very low that I am actually pregnant but it does not stop my boyfriend's mother from basically forcing an abortion on me. In her words, we cannot raise the child because none of us are financially ready and giving the child up for adoption (even though she gave a son or adoption 35 years ago, who she regrets giving birth to). Not only did she try to make up our minds for us, but she said that she hopes that I am not pregnant so that "WE" (my boyfriend, his mother, and I) do not have a decision to make.
Her perspective is that we can make any decision that we want but that she doesn't want her son to screw up his life. I am leaning towards accepting the pregnancy and raising the child, which I think is the best decision for me and my boyfriend. Every option seems to have a double-edged sword, but even though my family will probably kill me when they find out I know that by the time the baby's born that my boyfriend and I will have a place to go, as long as we get married (which we have talked about doing anyway).
I have no idea what my boyfriend thinks about this. But am I being unreasonable by strongly disagreeing with her, how do I get her to accept my decision and to realize that her son is a grown adult and she cannot make such a decision for him?
This all started because I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to tell his mom the test results, or if he wanted to. He just said "don't tell her anything," as if this something that is just going to go away.
(BTW, if I am pregnant I think that my boyfriend would have conceived the child sometime in November. He only has one more semester of college left, and has experience as an accounting intern and I do not doubt that he is going to find a job in his chosen field.)
Hon, what this sounds like is an adult parent trying to live, or relive their life and choices they made, through their children. Yes, this is a very common situation.
What happens is either that the parent will give their opinion whether asked for or not, begin telling their adult child what to do, start throwing fits or giving ultimatums to their child if their wishes are not followed, attempt to relive their own life situation in the past--attempting to live it through with a totally different choice. As she already stated, she wished she'd never carried thru on a pregnancy, regrets giving birth. While I don't understand that, why she had a problem with it if she gave up the child for adoption, only she knows what is really eating at her. She is wondering though what it would have been like to have an abortion instead and perhaps in a subconscious way is hoping to live that experience through you. She has gone overboard in wanting you to be checked out so many times. I have an odd ball impression that just perhaps, it's not that she's trying to rule out a pregnancy for you, but wanting so desperately for you to actually Be Pregnant so she can then mentally/emotionally attempt to control you to go through with an abortion, allowing her to somewhat fulfill her fantasy/imagination of what that would have been like for her. I know that's bizarre thinking but that is exactly what some humans do. None of what I am supposing here may be the case but it sure does give some logical explanation into her odd behavior.
Here are some things you need to keep in mind.
As long as both of you are living with her and relying on her financially, she will feel it in her rights to make demands, direct your lives, force her wishes upon you. TO some extent, she has a right to enforce ground rules as to what is allowed/not allowed in her house but may go overboard and attempt to do the same with the other area's of your life and decisions that should be yours.
2. Talking to her, will not change her. People do not change quickly for the better and rarely do they see or are willing to admit that they are in error. Desire to change must come from within. So the best you should expect her to be is just as she is, for the rest of her life. If she improves...great! Thats a bonus. But likely, what you see is what you will get for a mother in law/family member whether you are legally married or not to her son. You may have gotten along before but that was before something like this pushed the buttons of her control and allowed for her to actually show you some of her true self. This type of interferance and forcing of her will on you will continue in other areas, even if you won the lottery and had no financial concerns tomorrow...so just keep that in mind.
3. Another issue is lack of communication between you and the boyfriend. You admitted: I have no idea what my boyfriend thinks about this. If he does have feelings on it and hasn't shared them, why hasn't he? Is he afraid to disagree with his mother? Or if he feels totally opposite of how you feel, then is he afraid of admitting he agrees with his mom, leaving you to make the decision on your own and also take the brunt of any repercussions from his mom? Is he a mama's boy, who hasn't grown up in some ways, unable to cut the apron strings, still allowing mom to make decisions for him? The normal progression for a male is to leave the home and mother (even if not physically, but mentally) and chose to 'cleave' as written in the Bible to his choice of a mate--girlfriend/wife. This means his loyalty and support now go to you. If both of you are the perfect match for each other,and feel the same way about birth control choices and family planning, then he needs to step up and make decisions together with you, as a united front against his mom. I understand it may not be taking advantage of her, staying with her but she may be thinking ahead to when a grandchild is here, both of you are working but can't afford daycare, then it falls to her to watch the child and she will resent being put into that position...even if you never ask, just because the child exists, is her flesh and blood, she will feel obligated and at same time angry to be stuck in that position, feeling she has no choice.
The problem lies more between the dynamics of the relationship between her and her son rather than you and her or the two of you with her. You wonder why she is continueing to do so? Probably cus nobody has dared stand up to her. Either your boyfriend will or he won't. And as long as he's in your life, so will she be and you'd have to be okay with her and how she acts.
The only two things you can do as adults to set yourself up for an easier future is first, get on some kind of health insurance where your medical needs are taken care of and get on birth control. You're both in school and you didn't say if its all grants, if you have student loans or if working at least part time. I don't believe there ever is a time when a person is really financially ready for a child. And who knows what that magic number is in being able to raise a child. I raised 3 and still had a husband let go and on unemployment several times, finding only jobs available which was less than what met the bills, used food banks, wic (food vouchers for expecting mothers and nursing mothers and young children) lots of 2nd hand clothes, and clothing for kids programs thru schools for things like socks underwear and shoes and coats, hot lunch programs and whatever other services were available for those who financially struggle. And yet we waited 7 yrs to have our 1st when it looked we were financially stable and then it all fell apart after. So realistically, you can make a choice to not get pregnant, use birth control now, wait til out of school and have good jobs but there is no guarantee that the unexpected won't happen. And if it does, how will his mom handle it and how will she attempt to interfere. She can't interfere if he doesn't allow it and draws the line at what is okay and what he will not stand for from her, even though she is his mom and still has his love. You can love a parent but not allow them to run your life. You can't make him change if he is unwilling to stand up to her. Thats another thing to think about long term. Okay maybe for a short term relationship with him but life long, it will be grueling and bring much strife and unhappiness to you and could destroy your relationship in the very end if things get bad enough. These are some of the many things you'll need to think about regarding the situation you are in. If you have any more info or something you left out that could affect an advicegivers help to you, or have more specific questions, let me know and I'll try to help but you'd need to go to my column and write me from there.
My boyfriend at the time and I were having sex, used a condom, but cummed twice in one session. I checked the cobdom to see if it would leak but it didn't. This was on November 2nd. I don't remember when I had my period last but it was weeks before that date. Now it's two plus months later and I still don't have my period. I have no signs of pregnancy. And my period is never on time. Am I just worrying to much
Your age would play into my answer.
If a teen, it can take quite a few years until a teens cycle becomes regular. Mine was all over the place, twice a month or nothing for 2,3 months and at a young age, this is actually normal and not an indication of anything wrong.
The symptoms under which my GYN told me to come in to see them other than my yearly appt. is when I had sharp, severe pains, heavy bleeding that wouldn't stop and and foul odor to any discharge.
The only other reason to see your GYN is if you are in your 20's and you continue to have irregular periods. Your hormone count may be too low or some other thing missing from your body that causes the irregular cycles. Take a pregnancy test for now to be sure you are not pregnant for peace of mind, because other than being late for period, some women don't get the usual signs of pregnancy straight off, I never did. Then I suggest going to see a doctor to get checked out for what is causing irregular cycles.
Again, irregular cycles in the beginning when hormones of puberty first come on is normal as well as when the hormones leave in menopause. I had the same irregularity of cycles during menopause.
So discharge and the other substance that comes out of your vagina when you're wet is two different things?
I count 3 things as a female, one being the bodys natural cleansing that produces a daily discharge that ends up dried up on panty or liner,
2 being the thicker fluid the vaginal walls secrete when aroused and prepares the vagina for penetration, (natural lube) and thirdly, women are physically capable of having the female version of the males ejaculation, this fluid being thinner, more watery. Though all females ejaculate, not all when growing in utero, grew a connecting passageway allowing this fluid to leave the body via the urethra commonly called gushing by people. Those who can't do so, their fluid ends up in their bladder. So tho some see 2 different kinds of fluid, for some it is 3.
I will leave links explaining some.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/15810-does-natural-vaginal-lubrication-come/
the next covers the ejaculate
http://www.healthywomen.org/content/ask-expert/1369/female-ejaculation
http://womenshealth.about.com/od/vaginaldischarg1/a/vaginaldischarg.htm
Please don't tell me just be who I am, but I want to be more of a really, really outgoing, hilarious, carefree girlish tomboy. Like someone who is always there to help. And is always motivated to do things. Any advice?
When you want something enough, you will do what it takes to slowly make the changes. Don't force yourself to be something you are not but within reason, spread your wings and enjoy life more. I had a shy, reserved mom, and a friendly outgoing Dad. As kids sometimes we tend to model behavior of a parent or friends and that is not truly who we are. I was shy, inhibited to point of being scared, and self conscious instead of carefree. I don't know if you are truly socially challenged, but here is what I did to come out of my shell. Once you gain the self confidence to be more outgoing, all the rest will naturally follow. Here's what helped me:
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.