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What do I do about a close friend who has shut me out with issues?
I'd like to give some back story to this tale. Me and x have been friends since my first year at University some five years ago. We have been through a lot of family problems and relationship issues between us but always had each other's back. He has been my closest and longest friend, no romance involved as he is a homosexual.
He lives alone and I live with my fiance. A few months ago he told me that he had filed a report against a male member of his family for sexual abuse back when he was a young man some fifteen years previous (he was a mature student) I have been phoned by child services in a different part of the country and had to do a phone interview and there was a chance I could be called forward as a witness something that has never rested easy with me.
He left his place of work claiming that he has been bullied. I work in a public place where he kept visiting with another friend of ours and I could never 'join in' because I was hard at work and when I did see them outside of work they were always in a rush to leave me to get back there. I held on for as long as I could before I messaged him how I felt about the whole situation and including my distress at a few personal comments he had made to me about my personal appearance.
It was then that he completely stopped any contact between us around a week before Christmas. I already had his gift wrapped under my tree but he wouldn't answer my calls, texts and had blocked me online. I even got a taxi to his flat to drop his gift at the door and still received no word from him.
I have been very concerned about his welfare and his state of mind during the last few days but my family think I have done enough and that it is time to move on and I would be happy to do that if I wasn't so scared about hearing of his untimely death due to PTSD/Despression issues. His family obviously washed their hands due to the reports he made and he is completely isolated but I feel as though I am the only one who cares.
How can I check he is still alive if I can't get through to him?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If you are concerned that he may have hurt himself you can always ask the police to do a welfare check on him. I believe the emergency number for where you live is 999. Place a call to 999 or whatever the emergency number is in your country and ask for a welfare check on him. Give them his address and phone number. Explain why you are requesting this; depression/PTSD issues. I'm fairly certain since I think I know the country you are writing from, that the police will make every effort to contact him and make sure he is okay or see to it he receives the help needed.
You seem to be a very caring person and a good friend even if he does not want to be friends with you at this time. Once you know he is okay you could write him a letter and either post it to him or go over to his home and slip it under the door. I would suggest that you say something along the lines that you didn't mean to hurt his feeling when you told him how you felt about some of things he has said to you. That it wasn't something you said in order to break up a friendship you hold dear. Tell him you miss him and would like to meet, maybe for coffee to see if you both can find a way to repair your friendship.
If he does not respond to this communication from you. Then there's not much else you can do put to continue to try and be there for him when he needs you. Such as any testimony you might be asked for when the time comes.
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I'd say if he as a friend made rude comments about your personal appearance, that is not how a friend treats another friend. He was better off saying nothing if he had no positive comment to make. If it was a one time thing, perhaps it is due to his mental state of anguish or something and can be overlooked. If however he has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth often around you and saying inappropriate or hurtful things about any topic concerning you, then he has some character flaws and is not a very good friend.
You may be a very touchy-feely type of person, my sister and one daughter are like that. They care too deeply about some things they have no control over or no ability to intervene in because they are soft hearted and so they make themselves emotionally sick over not being able to change things. Example: Sis wants to adopt a cat from a shelter but knows she can't go to do it cus as soon as she see's all the other cats waiting for a home, she'll break down crying and worrying about them and feeling guilty that she can't provide a home for the rest of them. There is nothing she can do about that, she can only help one but it will never be good enough for her.
You want to know if he's still alive. There may be no way to know and you will torture yourself over it because you feel you will have failed him. You made no mention that I could see of whether he has been in counseling. A person with issues such as his, needs professional help. Your giving him gifts and wanting to be able to be in his life is not going to solve his emotional issues. It may let him know that someone in the world cares about his welfare but just being his friend is not going to be enough. If he plays these games now of no contact with you, I'd say, something is wrong, he may be exhibiting behavior that includes attempting to control situations in his life in ways that he may or may not realize are not helpful to his overcoming his past and getting better. I am sorry that there is no easy way for you to keep in touch. He has been given a free will, same as you. If he is using his to shut you out, there really isn't anything you can do but pray for him. I know its hard cus prayer seems like not doing enough for the people in our life. I have people like this in my life too so I know how that part feels. But when no other options are open, prayer may be the only choice. But I do believe it to be a good option. Leaving him in God's hands.
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