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living with your adult kids.. how to make it work
Im a single mom raising 2 grown kids.. my 22 yr old son is very difficult to live with..i feel you live under my roof you need to follow a few simple house rules, my house rules are very few and basic... at his age how do you "punish" he does work full time.. but we clash often because he seems to always want to do what he wants.. house rules or not..im at my wits end .. how do we make living under one roof work? i hate to give an ultimatum (to move out) because i dont want my child to feel he is not wanted.. his dad is not in the picture...any suggestions??
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Hi,
You say you are 'raising' two 'grown kids' you are not raising them, they are grown adults. You are still their mom but you are not raising them - that period of their life has finished! If you are trying to 'raise' them still then you have an issue you need to resolve yourself, which is you have failed to understand your 'kids' are adults and should be treated by you as such! Your use of the word 'raise' and your question about how to 'punish' a 22 year old man concerns me and makes me question how reasonable YOU are being.
You dont say what your rules are and what he is doing you find unreasonable so I can not advise you who is actually the unreasonable one. You also dont say if he pays rent, which makes a difference too.
For myself and other columnist to give proper advice, could you please give some more info? Does he pay rent? What are your house rules? What is he doing you dont like?
Ultimately it is your house and you can tell him to move out if you dont like what he is doing and ultimately as a grown man he can choose to move out if he doesnt like living with you.
Ashok
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You cannot punish a 22 year old as he is an adult. You are right though if he is living in your home, rent free he should live by your rules provided they do not interfere with his freedoms as an adult.
An example of acceptable rules would be no overnight female guests sleeping in his room. No smoking in your home. If he has a party you have every right to limit the number of guests and he is responsible for cleaning up after the party; you are not the maid. Performing certain household chores would also be acceptable.
Unacceptable rule would be a curfew. Having to tell you where he is going and when he will be home. Since he is your son and you will worry about him it is common curiously that he tell you the when of when he will be home and to call you if he will be late. Making this a rule is not acceptable. Any rule that limits his freedom or makes him responsible to you for his freedom is unacceptable as he is an adult.
As I said you can't punish him. If the rules you have a just and he does not wish to abide by them. You have two choices; you can charge him the reasonable and going rate for room and board for your area. Where I live that would be fairly close to a one bedroom studio apartment cost. The other option of course is to tell him if he does not want to abide by your rules and feels it is unfair to charge him rent, then he can find a place of his own.
Since he is an adult you cannot ground him, take his car away,, unless it is your car or anything else you might do to punish someone in their late teens.
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