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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Have you ever looked at a picture of a beautiful person or beautiful couple and feel happy. Every time I see a person who looks happy or in love, I just want what they have. I look at pictures online and whenever I see people with their bestfriend I wish I knew someone like them. I can't help but to want a bestfriend that I can have fun with. I also love seeing couples in love. I want love but I am not desperate for it. I daydream of going to six flags with my boyfriend and being all lovey dovey. I also picture having kids and taking them to Disney world. I love that I can create these wonderful thoughts but I want it in my reality. Can anyone relate to this?

I know what you are saying. More often I see a couple, middle age or older who care enough or love enough to be a couple, but it's very seldom I see two people who enjoy experiencing life together with all it's routine stuff included like doing chore, grocery shopping or walking thru a park or out sight seeing, etc.. That takes a great intensity and that kind is noticeable by all, the look of an older couple who people think might be newlyweds in a 2nd marriage. I have not yet seen this kind of love in young people. But I can remember in detail those few couples I came hough it may be many years but I get a happy smile anytime I happen to remember them.
And yes, I have accidently come across a single person for example, like in a seminar I took, the teacher who really stood out as a whole happy, caring person with great personality who I wished I knew or could take with me into my life, but this person lived out of state and traveled the country.
I am glad you are taking notice of these types of people, you know what they look like in general when they are talking or doing things. That's important when it comes to finding the same for you, especially in finding a love partner. If you'd like some idea's for how to go about this in a positive way that bring great results, let me know and I'll share on that. It would make this email too long. You can write to me by going to my column and choosing the write to me option. If you leave a response in rating comments, I cannot respond to you from there.

I work in sales as a telemarketer. I sell insurance to people over the phone when they activate their credit card. When I first started I wasn’t doing very well and had low sales. I finally memorized the selling pitch and reached the percentage goal my supervisor set for me. At work, I have to meet with my supervisor once a week. Recently, they switched my supervisor. My old supervisor was strict but encouraging. The new one is very critical. He constantly pressures me to make sales. In the days that my sales are low he forces me to admit my faults and why I wasn’t making sales. Normally, I would talk very little and nod my head and say yes to whatever he says. It’s my fault because….
The last time we spoke I had enough. I told him honestly that some of the callers admitting to having financial troubles and can’t afford our product, which I understand. Some say no right away and hang up. I said I was not going to push something on a person if they truly didn’t want it. He said I have a negative mind set for accepting that. I should always assume everyone is going to say yes. I asked if he was calling me negative. He asks me why I was being defensive. I said I wasn’t. He returns to his regular routine.
It’s your fault because…
I can’t stand him. I can’t help it. I started crying. He comes up with the excuse that I was under stress from health issues I had previously told him about and offers me candy. See, this was the first time I spoke up and I felt like he was not listening to me and throws blame at whatever possible.
I liked my job and my old supervisor. I was more productive with her and not him. I want to switch back, if possible. I don’t know how I will react when I see him next week. I believe he’s the one making me have a negative mind set by constantly making me recite this. It’s up to the point where I’m making stuff up like: It’s your fault because…my tone wasn’t cheerful enough. I paused too long between sentences, etc…

I am one voting for going to HR and talking to them. If nothing else moves them, at least let them know you did better sales under the leadership style of your old supervisor. They can check the records to see the differences.

You are in a tough phone job...telemarketing. If you enjoy working on a phone, I used to work in a call center, first taking inbound calls of people placing orders. These are people who already want product and are simply giving you what items, arranging delivery instructions, etc... much easier. Then there is also such a dept. as outbound calls for such companies, products that didn't ship cus they now have a new CC than what is on record or the date on theirs in system expired and company needs the new one. Do what you can to work things out here, but keep your eye open for call center help on inbound calls, rather than telemarketing/outbound calls.

Ok so today me and my guy friend were on kik and he said that "even if you did like me back I don't think I would date you" me and this guy have been friends for 2 years now. We are VERY close and we talk to each other all the time. He opens up to me and spills his life problems out to me or whatever he is going through. Ive helped him through a lot. He has this big crush on me but its not mutual and he gets me gifts, hugs me, texts me everyday, and gets jealous very easily. I asked him why and he said he would be scared if we were to break up and never talk again and that he hasn't been closer to any other girl then me even his ex. But last year (were much closer this year) he would constantly bug me and express how much he wanted to date me but now its like he just likes to do things for me (like a boyfriend) but not fully commit to me? He doesn't do it to anyone else. He doesn't have any other crushes or anything. He says he is scared that I would hurt him. But if you love someone don't you trust them enough not to break your heart? There has been times were our friendship had its downs. He would always lie to me and try to make me jealous by making up stories about other girls (he did this so many times) and I wouldn't talk to him for a while and he would freak out and vent to all his friends (that are also my friends) and he will get super depressed because he felt guilty for what he did. I've forgiven him an he still to this day feels bad for the things he did in the past when I assured him I wasn't mad at him anymore. Does he not trust me enough? Or is he just one of those type of guys that are "just in it for the chase"?

From what you described, he doesn't sound like the type 'in it for the chase'.

To understand what he says, the best thing is to learn to ask him. Even if its several days later. Just ask, because I can't guess as to how his mind thinks and how he acts and what he means. We can make only vague guess's and it's best not to rely on them.
I will say that the things you describe him doing and saying remind me much of the tactics of a guy who is in love with the girl and wants her to show an equal desire. So he will say anything he thinks might get a reaction out of you like realizing you really do care about him, like using stories of other girls or past relationships to try to get you to feel jealous. I think his latest statement which you wonder about, "even if you did like me back I don't think I would date you" It feels like a very round-a-bout way of trying to get a reaction to learn if you really did like him back or not (i assume he meant that romantic attraction feeling instead of just 'like' and wanted to cause a desperate feeling at knowing he felt he likely wouldn't date you even if you wanted. Its meant to make you feel you're missing something so you end up spending time trying to experience romance with him. His jealousy comes from the fear of losing you. He has an emotional attachment to you and may not have the sexual one. You also said he's got the crush but it's not mutual, so you do not have any romantic feelings for him.
You want him as just a friend. And he seems to feel as if he'd be lost if he lost you as a friend, thinking you wont have time for him if you meet someone serious like marriage type. And he's right, you wont be able to be there for him in the same capacity he was used to because now your boyfriend takes first place as should be. But you'd have to have a male whose sexuality doesnt feel threatened by you taking time to talk to your male friend. It shouldn't cause trouble for a relationship if your sweetheart is okay with and has met your friend to see for himself the dynamics of the relationship is realize that your old friend is no threat as you are friends only. However if your male friend is secretly hiding the fact he's in love with you while you date another man, any man meeting him will just sense and pick up on the fact this guy is hot for you and will see him as a threat, asking you to not see him anymore if you two are serious.

What to do? Make sure you have a talk and be honest with him that you've heard things from him that hint at him having more than a friendship interest in you. If you dont feel the same, make sure he understands that you don't see him that way, romantically. You know after all this time with him as a friend that there is no chemistry for you romantically. Somehow, most people are okay with rejection for the reason of their chemistry not being compatible...maybe its because our chemistry is nothing we have control over, we can't willfully change it to match another person. So with it being out of our hands to change, this chemical mismatch rather than a willful conscious choice against. Make sure he understands this clearly. If he still whine and complains about fearing losing you, you may want to think about weaning him from your emotional support . You may be holding his personal emotional growth back by helping to keep him stuck by always being there. If you died in an accident tomorrow, how would he fare? Would he grieve the loss of a friend or would he fall emotionally apart out of not knowing how he will continue to emotionally handle things without you in his life. A person able to stand on their own two feet will have no trouble with losing you if you were not the crutch they leaned against all the time. Either you devote your life to being his caregiver for him emotionally and also marry him to keep him happy, or you search for the love of your life who is a man who is a whole mature person and you do not let the male friends fears keep you from living your life for you. Unless you want to live your life for him? But thats your choice.

21/f

Hello,

I have been studying about marriage and family therapy for the previous four years. It has always been an interest of mine. I was planning on pursuing marriage and family therapy for graduate school and now since the time has come, I'm having doubts.

I was thinking about just going into regular counseling and just my LPC. But the classes for marriage and family therapy interests me more. The only thing stopping me is the risk of becoming a marriage and family counselor. Many people have asked and told me, "you're not even married. Who would want to go to you for advice? Who would want to get advice or see someone for help who has never been married before?"

That makes me have doubts. Should I continue to pursue my interests and take the risk of not getting any clients? Or should I just take the safe route and choose regular counseling which the classes don't interest me as much?

the pitfall with their thinking about married people vs a non married person regarding better ablity to understand or teach marriage and family counseling is:

If you know any married people, the majority have someone they don't have a favorable marriage with. They have learned perhaps how to recognize trouble spots and problems and think their bad experiences qualify a person as more skilled to counsel. That's like saying a person needs to have experienced a major operation themselves before being able to translate what they learn in textbooks into doing actual surgery themselves. Without knowing what a surgery is like, they will not be able to be a good surgeon.
I remember being a naive 19 yr old, working full time at a large banking center and eating lunch with a couple of older married ladies and I was single. A topic regarding a relationship issue came up. I put in my two cents worth, as a female who'd yet never dated a guy, regarding a relationship issue, and it was the thing they needed to hear because one started with, thats the problem my husband and I have, I need to follow your advice. I had merely shared an opinion, now horrified to think about what I so calmly shared as a single not knowing the woman was in that actual situation. If I had known, I probably would have been too afraid to share what i did. So, yes, older married people can learn from a younger person. The issue is more with whether they can feel secure in your knowledge and get past how young you look. I know someone younger than my ex who in his twenties went bald already. Selling life insurance, he won the confidence of and sold to more people than my husband.The ex heard once that he was too young for them. When anything results in payment for a service, people want experience, so it may be hard to convince based more on how you look. So go for what you find most on your heart to so. Make a big effort to enlist professional wardrobe consultants, so you can look more mature and more business like without looking like you're a kid dressing up in Mom's business suits.
Hon, if you have a passion already for the subject of marriage and family therapy, it helps you to excell in the job because you are not just doing a job to collect a paycheck but take pride in helping peoople in any way you can, just as we all do here on Advicenators. Be very observant of other peoples relationships. You can learn alot from watching even strangers interact with their parterns because they aren't aware they have an audience and more likely to be themselves. Use what you see to compare with your studies as to what they did wrong and then remember the steps to resolve it. You can identify more with your book studies, and without personal experience but learning from watching others. I know people who vowed to raise their children the total opposite from how their parents did because the kids more or less had to raise their parents and seemed to have more common sense. So these people learned something important by observing others. They may not have had the perfect plan but it was certainly better avoiding at least all the parents did wrong. Go after what you want because relationships is one of the biggest problem areas. We as humans relate in some way to all the people around us or in our lives, the clerk at the store, the car repair mechanic, your family, your classmates or coworkers, and your significant other. If we could learn basic relating skills that pertain to all relation-ships, then we are ready to learn the finer points that pertain just to the particular type of relationship. If people knew perfectly how to relate to and converse with other people, there almost wouldn't be a need for Advicenators and all those professional counselors out there. After all, lake of being able to relate well to others, has led to misunderstandings and offenses taken that have led up to fights, sometimes started as two people, now spread to include many others warring as they take sides.

How do I mastbate

It different for boys and girls so since I dont know which you are, here's for both.
Girls: they use their fingers to stimulate their clitoris, or reach inside with fingers, or if they have access to a vibrator, they use that.
Boys: they use their hand on their cock, with lube makes for better friction, and moves it up and down in rhythym to however fast or hard you need to do it to cum.
If that doesnt answer your question, then please rephrase what you still need to know.

Hi, I'm 26.. getting married in May. We're having a small wedding (40 people) in a church, followed by a very formal reception in a historical house.
We made the decision a while ago to have it an adults-only affair, as it's going to be a very late night (finishes at 12) and there's going to be a band and alcohol. We didn't want to put it on the invites (as weddings we've been to have) so we're just telling people. Everyone has expected so far not to bring their children, except my fiance's sister.

She hit the roof, saying that if her 7 month old baby can't be there neither will she. We said we can't make exceptions, it's not fair and she's far too little for the wedding. She said that she can't possibly leave her, even though she has left her several times with her grandparents to go to BBQ's and parties, etc.

I love kids, I'm an elementary school teacher but she is being very unfair. Now my fiance's parents are threatening not to come unless we make the niece a 'focal point' of our wedding. It's OUR wedding! They are saying everyone will love her and if she cries they'll just take her out and put her in a 'different room' at the reception.
I'm so upset, she was also meant to be my bridesmaid so now she's left me in the lurch. I tried to compromise by saying I'll organise child care, and you can always see her after the ceremony before the reception but it's not enough for her. She's also getting very abusive now in text messages.

What should I do advicenators? This is really wearing me down in a supposed exciting time :(

Where's your fiancee in all this?? Is he aligning himself with his family either by chickening out and not making a unified front against the relatives, or verbally agreeing or trying to placate them,
or is he aligning himself with you, the two of you having talked about it and come to an agreement as a unified front, regarding what you think is fair, Then when tested by the relatives, he puts his foot down and backs you up. They will follow your wishes or they can not attend.

Sounds like the sister took after her parents cus theyre all acting the same, like children throwing tantrums and giving ultimatums just to get what they want. This is what is happening. I think it's scary he gave from the same family. Be on the look out for controlling abusive behavior in him. Although he may have lucked out and gotten a better gene. Children of parents like that, learn to accept or pretend at least to do what parents want and go along with whatever the parents dictate. It causes the least fights that way. So he may not know how to stand up to his family. That is going to create problems for you. It may be the females of that family resent you for taking him away from them--in importance at least cus you replace them now as number one concern to him, putting them at 2nd most important now to him. It could be as petty as that. Just because they are adults doesn't mean they will automatically be mature people. Expect things to not get any better than the issues you have now with them, for things to remain the same or grow much worse regarding them and you two. If you can live with this for the rest of your life, go for it. But it's not easy for him to alienate them if they won't budge and expect him to make allowances. If they learn in this wedding prep plan event that you will allow them to get away with anything, they will push and push to make life miserable once you are married. If they cant respect you now, then it won't improve when you're married. Just realize what you are about to marry into and have some good talks with fiancee to see where he stands on not allowing anyone to make demands of you or treat you without respect. If he cant tell his parent with conviction that he will not allow them to tell you what to do, it's none of their business. It's not their own Wedding where they get to call the shots. So he asks they keep their opinions to theirself and if they can't,, that he and you will not be going to come visit or spend any time with them. Then when they invite just him. He tells them, if my wife isn't welcome, then you won't see my either. If he does visit and leaves you at home, so he doesnt feel guilty staying away, he sends them the silent message that he will not fight them if they try to split you up. He is the key to how this will turn out. I would suggest you and he iron out issues ahead of time and if he can't make satisfactory changes as far as dealing with his family, then you either marry him knowing it won't be good, or choose to call the wedding off.

I really really am so scared . 16 years old and I don't have a trusted adult to talk to. Me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time(protected) but before that he didn't have a condom on and I was grinding on him , both of us were nude and he said the tip of his was resting on my pelvic bone . This all happened 3-4 days before ovulation. He didn't cum but I'm scared pre cum got down there could I be pregnant ?

If the tip was anywhere near your vulva/pussy lips, that gives any sperm present, a chance to survive long enough to get into the more hospitable environment of the vagina where it then can survive long enough to make you pregnant if one reaches a fertile egg. Because sperm can survive inside you for a while before fertilizing the egg. The going rate for most sperm is up to 72 hours. Many die off in the very acidic vaginal canal within the first 12 hours. However, once in the right cervical fluid conditions, they can survive much longer. They can be found with weak motility in the fallopian tubes for up to 7 days. The most important thing to remember is the capacity of the sperm's ability to fertilize an egg. This goes down dramatically after 72 hours. However, there are reports of women (who count their cycles to know when they ovulate) getting pregnant from sperm that was 5 days old. So 3to4 days is within that time frame meaning there is a slight of being pregnant if any sperm got inside. There isn't a ton of sperm in pre cum but there is a chance of the few in it to make it to an egg. Unless a guy wears a condom for all the pre sex play, there's always a chance, though slight. If you are within 5 days of having sex, you can take plan B emergency contraceptive. If its beyond that, buy a pregnancy kit. A sperm can survive depending on the condition inside the vagina, from 3 to 5 days to attempt fertilizing an egg. It take the fertilized egg about 6 days to travel to where it implants itself in uterus lining and that is the point at which hormones are released that signal a pregnancy. So taking a test around 12 to 14 days after your ovulation date is enough to get a strong reading if pregnant. Otherwise, taken too early it may say negative when the opposite is true.

If you meant pubic bone, that is near the folds that hide and protect your clitoral area so if he was hitting any where on your folds just above your vagina, theres a chance of a sperm surviving. If you meant the pelvic/hip bone and are saying his penis was againts your tummy with the tip near your belly button, then you're safe.

Note" because you are stressing so much, realize that stress can delay a girls period and make her late just as illness can. This lateness dos not necessarily mean you are pregnant. A test will tell for sure. If you want to be seen by a professional if pregnant or seek birth control for next time in case you're not pregnant, I suggest Planned Parenthood. It is confidential according the Hippa law rights and so you can be seen there without parents permission or knowledge.

Wat should I wear so my 15 year bf to have a boner nd wat should I do

15 yr old boys usually get boners no matter what, whether they are even near a girl or thinking of a girl or not. All you accomplish by trying to dress sexy to entice gues, is making more guys react that way to you or give him a boner faster than without the stimulation of what you wear.
I have a question for you to ask yourself. Am I emotionally prepared, physically prepared and mature enough to handle a sexual relationship right now?
Cus girl, thats where you are headed if you are wanting to rile up your guy sexually to get him to have sex with you. If you only want to tease the guys, doing things on purpose to arouse them, just for the power trip and then refusing them, you get trouble. You make enemies or a bad name for yourself with the guys who back off when assuming you want sex but you don't but you led them that way. Or you may come up against a guy one day who doesnt take your no for an answer and may be angry enough with you to just force you to have sex, ready or not. So you need to think this through better as to why you even want to purposely make any guy have an extra boner or two per day? What is that need in you that you're trying to fulfill?
The fact you ask what should you do if you gave a guy a boner, tells me you have a lot to learn yet. I know of no one better than Laci Green on youtube with a series on sex, gender, relationship and any genital topics or sexual situations with short videos aimed at the teen to college age set. I am posting the link here. I suggest you self teach yourself more about sex and relationships by getting books to read on the subject, info from Planned Parenthood on birth control and birth control supplied, from other sources like on line info and youtube videos.

https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

If your intent is to have sex for the first time and you are bound and determined to do so instead of waiting til you're older/more mature and really prepared to have sex, then at least get in touch with Planned Parenthood and get onto some contraceptive.

so i just started high school and it has been so horrible. i know everyone has always said freshmen year is always bad. but i know that me being a freshmen isn't the problem. it's the school that i hate so much. the teachers don't know how to teach at all and they put me through so much more pressure that i should be put in. i already have to go through so much and school doesn't help. i have to deal with actually trying to have friends instead of crying most of the time of my loneliness. i have to put up with a 7 people family in only a 2 bedroom apt. and i have to put up with all the fighting. school is becoming a problem for me, getting low grades and all. i have a job but since im only 15 they said the least they can do is schedule me on the weekends and that gives me a 20$ check all the damn time for four hours that i work. i hate every bit of these things that im going through. so the real question is, i want to drop out of high school. I'll study all the time if i do, and I'd take the GED if i have to. I'll do everything I can to not be in school. i hate it so much there. its pulling me back from everything and my happiness. and moving to another school would be the same. I'd have to start all over. I'd need to worry to not get into my emotions about friends. I'd have to put up with god knows how the teachers are. its all just so hard. and i feel that i have no support whatsoever right now when i need it the most.

Let's see if I am getting the issue here by rewording a little.
1. You hate the particular school you are in for the reason that you don't like the teaching style and how hard the assignments and expectations are.

2. You are not having success making friends.

3. Your family is 7 people in a small space leaving no breathing room or place to have solitude or your own bubble/private time

This sounds like 3 different issues in your life.
I think the best thing I have to share with you is that life is hardly ever fair and the sooner we understand that and stop comparing or getting depressed when our expectations of how it should be, are dashed, then we will naturally find ways to cope that we didn't notice before.
I know this doesn't solve your problem but I don't see how your idea of dropping out and going for a GED is going to help, you will still have to study. Unless you are great at getting things accomplished without supervision and have strong study habits, going for a GED is not going to be much easier. On this path, you will have even less opportunity to meet people and make friends. Let's say by 16, you have your GED, then what? You going to go to college or start working a full time job if you can get it? You may have to work two part time jobs to get anywhere money wise. And dropping out will not change your living situation with the family.

Here's something about school and how they teach from my own experience and that of my daughters. People have different learning styles but schools only use one so that leaves out the other kids. It was that way when I was a kid in school thru HS and the same for my daughters. In fact, we had to pull one daughter out to put in private school 2 years to catch up. I chose another school to move my kids to when for the 3rd time in one year, the old school had another lice epidemic, the previous year was the same and all my kids got it. I didn't have boys whose head I could just shave so it got depressing and that prompted a switch to another grade school with middle school attached as one unit. As parents, we were warned that this smaller middle school had a policy to work the kids harder, to the point of failure, as a way to prep them for HS. Every year without fail, student s from my kids middle school did better than all others when entering freshman yr.
I still remember my kids wanting to give up when they had C's and D's and uncompleted assignments but at teacher meetings, the teachers sat as a team of four who handled the major subjects at school for my kids, and told me they were not concerned about low grades because all the kids suffered with the same. They had to try harder to complete what seemed like too large assignments with too short a time to complete. As predicted, they were better prepared for HS and did great there. HS isn't too late to teach a kid to have to work hard, against adversities to seem to get anywhere because it will prepare you for college.
Yes, your school may have some problems that could be improved, but the challenges are not necessarily a bad thing, depends on how you look at it, as something that will block you from success or as a rung on the ladder to success that helps make you tougher to fight the challenges and climb that ladder instead of giving up and crying or running away from it totally to begin with.
You were too general with some statements like "its pulling me back from everything" What do you mean by pulling you back? And when you use the word 'everything' what all is it that comprises the 'everything'? I could guess is that the everything is ideas in your mind of what you what and how it should happen. I am not saying not to dream big but more often in life the battle people face (adults and teens alike) in their life, are more often fought in the head rather than in real life experiences. We lose out in some way because we fear something, hate something, it's too hard so we give up too easy, our negative thoughts curb our ability to see our way out of the dark tunnel. Our thoughts can cloud out some solutions or better ways to make life work better for us. You did start with a thought based on what others said and that is often what gets most of us in trouble anyways, by accepting what we hear others say and 'owning' it too, which means accepting and expecting it to apply to you too. Such as, everyone has always said freshmen year is always bad. Yeah, and I've heard "Oh everyone hates that teacher, Sorry you got them cus I heard they're mean and give lots of homework" And I found out in class that nothing I heard was true about the teacher and I actually liked them alot. You did say you know being a freshman isn't the problem. but your subconscious mind didn't get that message from your conscious mind.
A bit to explain why I am going into talking about your subconscious mind, it is where your emotions come from, so your dislike or hatred of school, fears of lonliness, etc...all emotions that come from the subc. mind. What you hear as accept as for real, like freshman year being bad, is noted by the subc. mind. One of it's many job's is to protect you, keep your best welfare in mind and so that which you focus on, it notices must be of importance to you. So the subc. minds works with you to regarding what you focus on or accepted as inevitable, some truth you can't escape, to attempt to make it come true for you. After-all you focus on it enough so it must be important to making you happy, right? Thats how our subc. minds work!!
Like two individuals working against each other. Your subc. mind may be your inner child. At least, in me, I have seen that. Trying reasoning with the child within, even in my 50's takes lots of patience with myself and reassuring of the fears in my inner child, the tantrums. the longing for something and not being patient to wait, impulsiveness. So in reality, your biggest battle in life will be with your subconsious self. A few people are on good terms with their sub self, I am but still I have times I really need to work to cooperate with that part of me becuase its so different in many ways from that part of me that is my logical, adult, conscious/awake self. So your subconscious may not have the best answers for you. Quitting and dropping out/going for GED is an option but may not be the best. You need to gather more info from other sources too. Your worry and concern of what a new school may be like and 'predicting' the problems or outcome is not possible by most humans. Only a few psychics can see the future. I doubt you can any more than I can. You don't know 100% for sure that it will be exactly like that or not, so worry or giving up ahead of knowing the real outcome, is wasted energy and only makes you more miserable.
Negative thinking is easier than positive thinking and believe it or not, All people battle it pretty much as a constant in their lives. We may learn to catch a negative thought and choose to not accept it and give ourselves a positive thought to replace it...but I don't know of many who have learned to stop a negative thought from beginning. So you, like me and others, need to learn to not get plowed over by a ton of negative thoughts that end up making us depressed.

You need to find a way you can have your own spot to go to when you can have time away from household members in a way that is refreshing and regenerates you, so being in school or at job isn't, it takes the kind of focus that doesnt leave your mind free to relax and unwind and find time to become creative. Given enough time and not giving in to fear or despair, we can see solutions we never saw before. I can only make suggestions but I don't live your life so I can't say how practical...you will come up with better. If there is a park nearby go there for time alone to think. Even better, offer dog walking for a little extra cash, take the dog to the park or around the block and you're safer because you have a dog with you, and you have time to think, maybe listen to music that is calming to you, time away from the family. Getting into a book for entertainment works for me as a private bubble my mind gets into even when I may be in a room full of people but I no longer see them and half the time don't hear them. Its a good mental escape for house members when there is lack of room. Those are a couple ideas to start. You complain of no support. I wonder if there are people who are ready to encourage you, ready to take time with you alone, whether counselors at school, a parent, even a favorite sibling you can trust to bare your heart to, a church youth pastor, friends? If not having a single friend, somethings wrong because even I as an extremely shy person had at least 4 or 5 friends each year in school. And they were real, quality friends and there for me, and me for them. Perhaps you need some encouragement on how to make friends or perhaps you have been trying to make friends with the wrong people. I would like to go into this more with you and as of now I've already written so much. If you'd like to clarify your situations, one at a time, send the first on one of the issues, friends, school or living situation and go more into detail on what the issues really are with examples and I'd be glad to help. You can write to the whole group, or just to me on my column if you wish. I wish you the best dear.

I'm 20 years old and female. I really want to go to college starting this year to become a Nurse or Nurse Practitioner so I'd either be getting a Bachelors or Masters of Science in Nursing.

To me it seems like Nurses are always needed, they get paid quite a bit more than the average salary and much more than somebody who was working somewhere who didn't have a college degree would earn. I'm a healthy, strong, intelligent, social butterfly and I have already taken two medical college courses in the past that I really enjoyed so it seems like a good career choice. I also love children and want to give back to the community and being petite I think I'd be a perfect pediatric nurse.

However my Mother who's a Medical Transcriptionist and my brother's long time girlfriend who's a Certified Nursing Aid disagree with me. My Mother would rather see me work up the ladder in mobile phone retail sales (that I have current experience in) and forfeit a college degree. She thinks nursing is grueling, expensive and that people will disrespect me as a petite female nurse and she says I won't be able to do it. My brother's gf says she hated her job as a CNA because it was disgusting and the environment was like high school and that they paid her very little and tried to talk me out of it. Everybody else has told me it's a good idea though and that I'd be very good at it.

My question is in your opinion is nursing a good choice or a bad choice to pursue based on the details I've given you?

You have excellent advice from adviceman. Everyone will have their own opinion based on their personal experiences. I can't say what a Nurse is guaranteed to earn. As far as I am concerned, even though the economy seems to be running even keel for now, evidence of the homeless and their growing numbers are very disturbing and point to the real fact that all is not well with our economy. The middle class is disappearing. WE have two classes, poor/poverty class Americans and the really rich who don't have to worry about paying their bills or their school loans. Schools and colleges would have no students willing to sign up if they were told that even with their degree, there isn't much of a chance of finding a position with their degree in the city of their choice, with the employer of their choice, for the salary they desire and the hours worked/work schedule they want, then they might think twice. School loan payments come due immediately on a monthly basis whether you find a job with lets say a nursing degree or not. And so it becomes imperative to take any job you can get, even one not in your degree, maybe a couple minimum wage jobs, just to pay off your bills and try to make ends meet. So now a highly educated person is living a tight budget on the poverty side of life in America. This to me is the biggest factor these days in considering college if you already have a good job that pays the bills.
I need look no further than my oldest daughter and my husbands only daughter to have two examples of how the fancy degree got them no where. The oldest daughter was shown statistics of how short medical staff was, and how nurses and medical assistants are in great need and all the kids would find a job in no time. My daughter reported only 2 people from her class got a job immediately when applying for them. The others never found a job as a medical assistant. She even tried to volunteer time at offices of Drs. she already used in order to get some experience to move on to a job later. Years went by and her husbands military earnings went to pay off her school loan. She now works at a store, the swing shift, unloading deliveries and has had that job for years. The other daughter went to one of the highest acclaimed colleges in the US for CG degree, Computer graphic art, and was one of the top students in a school with grueling schedule where 75% drop out cus they can't hack it. She has not yet found a job in her field after two years of searching and has taken odd jobs to pay her school loan in jobs that don't come even vaguely near art or computer related. She is living at poverty level herself. I and the husband can't help as we are living at poverty level ourselves. So my advice would be to stick with your current income because it is more of a guaranteed income than a hoped for one in nursing after graduating.

I've known "N" for about 5 years. He's always been so nice to to me.. Last year I walked past him in church and he smiled and started singing Happy birthday to me, he was waving his arms in the most ridiculous way. (His birthday is a day after mine.) I told him when my birthday was about 4 years ago and I was just thinking that he remembered for all of these years. When I smiled and said, wow you remembered.. He looked at me and said "how could I forget?" I've always liked him.

October last year.. I met a guy, "D"..we started dating November 8th. The thing is, he's not Mormon. I don't care if he isn't.. But he doesn't respect my standards like "n" would. "n" is Mormon too. I want to be married in the temple.. And I don't see a future with "D". With "N" I can..

I just don't think "N" likes me the way I like him. I told "n" I was gonna tell him about the troubles I've been having. (self harm.. I think I can trust him.) and during church he kept looking over at me. I have no idea why.

I just am falling out of love with "d".. And more into "n".. Even more than i already was. What should I do.

I talk with "N" tomorrow.

D is out cus any dude who wont respect your standards shouldn't even be considered as boyfriend material or more. If you decide to stay with him, that means you are settling for less than your own standards and that is something too many women do. Don't be one of them.
As for the significance of N remembering your Birthday, anyone can remember a birthday that is the day before, same day or day after theirs. Other than my own family, I tend to forget others birthdays unless for the reason I just gave. Facebook also gives you a daily list of everyone who is a fb friend, having birthday that day. I wouldn't hang onto this one thing as proof alone that he is the best guy for you or has a deep interest in you.If this event was a year ago and you have nothing else significant about relating together with him as friends on a weekly basis, then I'd have to guess you have a crush on him but that there isn't any interest beyond just church friends to him or in 5 yrs times, something more significant would have happened.
Not trying to burst your bubble. Just bring in some clarity and reality. Guys even young teens, who are interested in a girl will find ways to greet her often, talk to her, find excuses to stand or sit near her, ask for her number and text or call her, flirt with her. I know you are taking the one event as flirting. Maybe it was but males do not flirt just once and stop. If really flirting with you, you'll know it, it's obvious and repeated in many ways on many days.

You mention feeling more into N than before. Cant think of what you mentioned that might cover a change that precipitates this growing of feelings for him when there hasn;t been any encouragement from him, unless you failed to inform us of that.

As another advice giver stated, the bigger issue you have is with the need to self harm and keep it a secret. I am guessing of course that you wish to keep it secret because of your statement "I think I can trust him". Most obvious scenerio in my mind, you want someone you can tell about self harm and he won't tell anyone else. Or are you talking about someone you can tell what you do because you think they will whole heartedly support what you are doing and be okay with it? That is not reality. Last possible scenerio, one you haven't likely given thought to, if you want a guy who really does have feelings and cares about him and you tell him, you are hoping he will encourage you to talk to adults and get help or report you to professionals BECAUSE you can trust him to do the right thing, not just because he likes you. I wonder what in your mind you feel revealing this to him will accomplish? All teens have troubles growing up, it just varies in degrees.

As for why was he looking at you, probably in anticipation of what you had to share with him. Or did you mean that you have no idea why you feel the need to tell someone? If that's it, perhaps your subconscious mind is urging you to tell someone as a self preservation type move, telling another person so they can seek help for you since you may be afraid to do so yourself.

what can be use as prevention apart from postinor1,condom and family planning

As you know, postinor 1 is only emergency contraception, used if condom failed or forgotten or the gal has missed too many days of taking her daily pill to know if she is still protected against unwanted pregnancy. It should not be relied on for a females regular contraception. Condoms are okay but for some reason you don't want them used, perhaps a latex allergy. And by family planning, I assume you are refering to all the contraceptives on the market. There are some basic types but names for some like the pills can vary.

Here's a website by Planned Parenthood that covers all the types of birth control. Please read all details on each to be well informed.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/birth-control
There are hormonal birth control and non hormonal birth controls.
On the hormone based types, there are the various pills, Deepo Provera the shot good for 3 mos, a patch that releases hormones as worn, the Today birth control sponge, the Nuva ring, the Mirena IUD and implantations under the skin of upper arm good for 3 years

If the female ends up with too many side effects/reactions to hormonal contraception, she needs to focus on non hormonal types which include the female condom, diaphragm used with spermicide, the Fem cervical cap, The Paragard Copper IUD good for 7-10 years or so.

Another consideration besides allergic reactions as to which to choose, is how well you are at remembering to take a daily pill or go in for an appt. every 3 months on the shot. If you miss a day or several day scattered thru the mo, you risk getting pregnant because there isn't enough hormone in your system.
Cost is another concern if paying out of pocket. If you have insurance, check to see what types of birth control they cover.
Effectiveness in preventing pregnancy is another consideration. Please pay close attention to the statistics on this when you read up on them.

When I was in child bearing years, the Paragard IUD, expensive initial cost, was covered under my insurance. This item in my opinion is the most cost effective if you can get it, since it is good for so many years that is the up front cost was calculated at monthly cost for many years, it ends up costing way less than other forms of birth control. It is carefree, there is no prepping ahead of time to insert any device nor any remembering needed to pack it and take along everywhere just in case opportunity presents itself or the mood hits. It is one of the highest/most effective at preventing pregnancy and if using only the copper IUD, instead of a hormone laced type like Mirena, there are no hormones in your body messing things up for trying to get pregnant the day it's removed. Hope this answers your question.

So I am in my late 20s, i'm a little overweight, partly due to some medication I am on. My doctor says this is normal. I am able to run, walk long distances without puking, passing out etc. Every year when I get my physical and bloodwork done, everything comes back perfect.

My mother treats me like I weigh 600 pounds. She is constantly judging what I eat and making comments about it. I am at the point where I feel extremely uncomfortable eating around her or going out with her. I am comfortable in my own skin but she obviously despises how I look, and has made some pretty nasty comments. I've told her that I'm happy with how I am but she constantly tries to make me see nutritionists or try fad diets.

How can I make her understand that what she is doing is hurtful and depressing?

Mom sounds like a forceful personality, maybe a little controlling. Or she is having a hard time adjusting from being a mother who was raising you to a mom who now simply supports you as an adult and is your sounding board for advice IF you ask for it.
All I can say is that you have to spell it out in a firm tone, not your usual sweet, "Hi Mom" tone of voice. As others have suggested, give her the details of Dr. happy, you are healthy and you are happy with weight. Make sure she knows there is only one thing that is making you unhappy and make she understands it is how she is treating you. Some people can get into nasty habits of not allowing the other person to speak so if she talks over you, just leave, go home and write it all out to her and either send to her by email if she uses hers regularly or print out and mail if to her.
One thing you might want to mention also in your talk to her in person or in writing is that you understand she is mom but she needs to remember that her time of raising you and telling you what to do is over now that you are an adult. As an adult, you will be making your own decisions. If you ever have something you'd like to bounce idea wise off of her or get her opinion on, you will ask her for input. However you are letting her know right now that unsolicited input from her, given when not asked for will result in you limiting visits with her and at the moment of her indiscretion, result in you leaving her at that moment. You realize you can't force her to not say what she wants to say, but you are hoping she will control herself. If she cant or wont control herself around you, no matter where you are, her place or in public, you'll get up and leave immediately. (That process is called giveing an ultimatum--if you do this, then that will happen as a consequence) SO if asking her to stop doesnt work, use the ultimatum. Of course, in your own words dear but as Adviceman said, the words need to really make an impact and it's hard to do when you love Mom but you must realize, that Mom isn't being fair. Parents aren't always perfect or they do okay until their child becomes an adult. If you say nothing, or do so too sweetly, if won't have the impact needed. She may feel hurt initially but in time realize that you were right or at the very least, decide to follow your wishes whether she likes them or not, just so she can continue to see you.

22/f
My boy friend and I have been dating for around 4 months now.. And we are in a long distance relationship. Things have been good between us since then.
I had some important exams last week, and my schedule was pretty crazy and I couldn't talk to him much... The communication was minimal.
After my exams ended,I feel things are not the same with us.
He has an exam on the 5th so I decided to give him some space like how he did when I had my exams.
Then we had this conversation :
Him : why do we hardly text these days?
Me : you have your exams coming up and I wanted to make sure that I give you space like how you did when I had my exams.
Him : I find it extremely odd that you are giving me space when I haven't even asked for it.
Me : I will not unless you ask for it.

After this conversation, things were okay with us and we spoke like how we used to previously..
But today, he didn't text me unless I did it first and asked him how his preparations were.. He said they were okay and I asked him if he had a busy day.. He said no... I was wondering why would wouldn't he text me if he wanted more communication?
Im confused .. Am I over reacting here??

I was going to say the same he did, ask first if he needs some space while studying for exam or is it okay to text as often as usual.
I guess the question now is, since he gave you space when you had to study, did you ask him to give you space or announce that you needed him to do so or did he decide that on his own, thereby doing the same thing you did, both assuming the other needed it.
And what is lacking here is good communication. Men and women also think differently and come to conclusions differently. So are you over reacting? Well, what you are over reacting to? Have you thought of using phone calls instead of texting to communicate with? texting leaves the situation open for too much miscommunication or misunderstanding or even assumptions made. You did well by asking first if he had a busy day. Unfortunately that is a closed end question, meaning able to be answered by yes or no without any further info gathered. A better way to have asked is: Tell me about your day today. What did you do all day long? He can't answer yes or no. If the answers he gave you then don't explain why he didn't get to contact you, then instead of being confused, you say, "Let me ask for clarification, "You didn't do anything? Something must have happened that is different because I never heard from you and we keep in touch daily. I really missed hearing from you. Is there a problem? If he can't give an answer or trys to be vague, then you have a right to ask the following:

Are you having 2nd thoughts about me, because I'd
rather know now than be strung along. If you've met someone else, then tell me now and we can say goodbye and thank each other for the 4 months of friendship we had along the way.

I have known this boy since elementary school and we are seniors in high school now. I never really liked him in this way until this year.. I sit at the same table with him And 3 other classmates with whom we share a friendship with that's hard to explain. One of my girlfriends at the table knows how I feel towards him And she notices how we fight like a married couple. I really like him And he talks to me like I'm his wife or something. We argue all the time but I think it's just a part of our chemistry. My question is how do I know if he really likes me the way I like him or if he's just joking all the time. By the way he's only dated white And Hispanic girls in the past And I'm African American And so is he.

So you are saying you've liked him as a friend all these years and only this last year did you discover the added feelings of romance type of feelings towards him? Since you've known him a long time already, there is no reason why you can't just tell him of the new feelings, just don't use the words I love you, leave that for later. Instead, what you say is, Tom, (or whatever his name) I have enjoyed your friendship all these years and still enjoy but some is changing. I am beginning to have deeper feelings for you. It made me wonder if you have those deeper feelings too.

Do not worry about a preference to a certain race of girl. If he's been a friend all these years, thats a good sign. Guy's when young and growing up don't usually hang out with a girl they can't stand as a friend. Friends as they grown past puberty or somewhere after that can develope the romantic feelings/love but its possible that one feels it and the other just doesnt feel it cus they haven't given it a thought, out of habit they continue to think of the other person as just a friend cus the brain doesnt make the switch that the familiar feeling of friendship can remain and you develop the added romance on top of that. Those are the best relationships.

So the thing to avoid, is getting stuck in the friend zone and the way to do so is let him know how you are feeling about him. If he doesn't respond favorably, either the chemistry for being a romantic/sexual match just isn't there even tho friendship is. Or he is too shocked at first to want to try to even explore to see if there might be any possibility. He may have trouble in his mind switching from seeing you as friend to also a girl he'd like to kiss. Don't give up right away, flirt with him, do whatever you feel is appropriate to catch his attention. If it still doesnt' work, then possibly it wasn't meant to be.

So I am bleeding and I don't know why. I f*ngered myself and in the middle of it I looked down and blood. I'm scared. The bleeding is slowing down now. It's not my period I know that. Should I tell my mom? I'm only 14. This is my first time bleeding like this. I started in the 4th grade. My boyfriend knows and he is worried. I nearly repainted the toilet. What should I do? What was it? Did I pop my cherry?

At 14, a great many teens do not have regular periods and can get 2 in a month or none for 2 months, so I still say there's a chance your period is about to start. Girls can be more horny as their period is ready to start and more likely to be masturbating at the time.
If you felt no pain, then my guess is a period is about to start. If you did feel pain, it could have been a tearing of the hymen but hymen's don't pop.
Watch this you tube video by a young women whose focus is education for sex and relationship geared towards teens and college age.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA

The vagina or hymen repairs just fine on it's own without intervention. The only concern would be if you were one of the few females whose hymen doesnt ring the circumferance of the vagina but is a strip of tough tissue down the middle leaving two much smaller openings, where using a tampon is often painful or impossible. This strip of skin can get ripped over and over and cause a good bit of bleeding. Usually, young women don't know there is a problem until they are of age to purchase and use vibrators which won't fit or sexually active and it is too painful and the male can not enter. It's a simple procedure at Drs. removing the strip of tissue. It' unlikely that is your problem. So next time you finger yourself, if there is a repeat of the bleeding, and you are not on your period, you may want to ask mom to take you for your first checkup with a GYN.

Okay so I am 15 and I have had my period for 3 years now and I am masterbating but I am a virgin well one day I noticed that I have like a lump in my vagina, it's not rock hard but it is kinda hard and it frightened me. Please help me what is it? Is something wrong with me? 😭

It is a good thing to see the doctor is this lump is always there.
Since you mention masturbating before noticing the lump, I can't help but wonder if this lump is only there when you masturbate because if so, it may be a natural response your body is having to the masturbating.The g spot is the female vagina is on the upper side (belly button side) of your body, located and inch or two in and its a rough patch of skin with spongy tissue beneath and it sits right alongside your urethra. When you become aroused, the spongelike tissue fills with blood much like a males penis fills with blood when aroused.
this makes the g spot area stand out as a lump under the skin. If this spot is massaged just right, a speed and depth of strength in massaging that works for you, you can achieve an orgasm. Just before orgasm though, since its up against the urethra from the bladder, pushing against or massaging it can grow to feeling like you have to pee when you dont need to, the feeling means you're about to have an orgasm if you go through with it instead of stopping. If this lump of yours is in the right place as I've mentioned, and is not notice-able when you first check for it but appears as you keep fingering the area, I would check out seeing if you can get a g spot orgasm. If so, then this is a normal part of your sexual organs. If it's something entirely different, you'll want to have a doctor check it out.

I have known this girl for many years and I genuinely love her. I dont know wether or not to tell her i love her or not

Telling someone too early on that you love them if they havent had an opportunity to get to know you well enough to know if they have any feelings towards you, will put the girl at a disadvantage. She may feel uncomfortable being truthful with you.
If you've just known her but never been close friends or spent lots of time together, I advise not saying anything and just letting her know you are interested in getting to know her better as you enjoy her company and ask if she'd like to date you. If she says no, you have your answer, there's no attraction unless the issue is that she is not single and already seeing someone else. In that case, DO NOT Say anything to her because if you do, you can be blamed for their breakup and you dont' want that over your head.

If you have 'loved' her from a distance, meaning you see each other alot in passing, like at school or at work and never talk much, its harder to gauge if one genuinely is in love with a person or 'in love with the idea of being in love'. Just ask her out and get to know her, giving her a chance to know you. After some time, then you can tell her, "I am beginning to have deeper feelings for you." That according to relationship experts is better than blurting out "I love you" first. This way, if she doesnt feel the same, she doesnt feel pressured to say "I love you" in return even though she doesnt feel it, and give you false hope that she really cares for you the same way. If she can say she's beginning to have feelings for you too. thats good. It's like putting feelers out there to test the temperature of the water so to speak. If she responds in the positive to your sharing having deeper feelings for her, then continue to romance her and soon after, when you are both sharing a close moment together, tell her you love her. Good luck.

I am 38. I have two children born via c-section. I've been a dancer for 35 years, and as a result of lower extremity strength and flexibility, I've maintained an unbelievable amount of "tightness." Of course, with previous partners, I was always told I was small but sex was not impossible. Two years ago, I had a full hysterectomy, and have been too nervous to have an intimate relationship with anyone.

I finally have found someone who is amazing. He's about a foot and a half taller than I am, and, although he is not the largest of my previous partners, he is definitely NOT the smallest. We have found that penetration is impossible. Lubrication was not an issue, foreplay not an issue either. Just won't fit. We finally were able to do partial penetration, but because I was so small, he wasn't able to maintain his erection, because it actually hurt him as well.

Please help. He's nervous about hurting me, and yes, it does hurt a bit, I know that once it works, the pain will ease up a bit. I'm just at a loss on how to make it work. I feel like a virgin again, I haven't had this level of difficulty since the day I lost my virginity.

Please help. The level of sexual inadequacy is disheartening.

I know of a married woman, married for the second time to a man she couldn't fit inside. They loved each other but couldn't have sex. I don't know how they managed other than mutual masturbation or something. I have no idea if there is anything doctors can do to help. Obviously, there is a size of penis that does work for you. Ask your gyn if there is a way to practicing stretching yourself out. Dont know if it's possible. If there is nothing that can be medically done to help you, and it comes down to having a sex life or not with this partner, you both need to decide if you're okay with never having sex, or looking for someone more narrow in circumferance. Since he sounds wonderful, I hope Drs can help. But you have to be willing to go to them with this issue. Its not a big deal cus they have to deal with all sorts of things regarding sex, not just pregnancies and deliveries or pap smears.

Ok so..I am a fifteen year old girl. I am really thin for my age, but I've always been self conscious about my body, as well. I noticed this when I was about twelve. My right breast is larger than my left. Do I need to get implants? Do I need to see a doctor? I talked to my mom about it, and she thinks it will eventually grow, but its been three years now, and I really don't think it will, but I don't want to end up with asymmetrical breasts! That is embarrassing. Please help. Advice is much appreciated!

It may change some but if there's a noticeable difference now while you are looking at yourself nude, it can very likely remain that difference, even though both sides grow larger. I have a daughter age 22 who is noticeably smaller on one side when unclothed (she showed me once as a teen) however knowing this, I have never noticed that she seems smaller on one side when dressed. Clothing seems to distract from this. The only different is if its noticeable in a two piece bathing suit. In that case I would suggest getting one that comes with inserts in the cups and removing it on the side that is larger to even things out visually. Otherwise, no one will ever know, except a boyfriend or husband someday.
Yes, a guy will still fall in love with you, even just as you are with two sizes in breasts. Its more noticeable, and likely only a half cup size in different. If you have over a cup size different, and the weight different causes you to make up for it by changing posture, your back or muscles may end up with chronic pain until things are evened out. However it is seldom that a female needs to see a doctor or get implants as its perfectly natural to have uneven size in a chest. And it doesnt affect breast feeding later if you so choose.
The biggest deal is what a guy will think. Young guys may be fickle and immature, but by time they mature and hit 20 or so, many have no problem with it. My daughter has a boyfriend who loves her no matter the difference. Other women have commented on a natural breast gallery site of their breast photos with their blurbs. Many with uneven size or who are flat chested have shared that their man loves them as they are and besides the fact, still finds them sexy and attractive. Here's that site:
http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery_5.php

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