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How to make my mother stop harassing me about my weight?
So I am in my late 20s, i'm a little overweight, partly due to some medication I am on. My doctor says this is normal. I am able to run, walk long distances without puking, passing out etc. Every year when I get my physical and bloodwork done, everything comes back perfect.
My mother treats me like I weigh 600 pounds. She is constantly judging what I eat and making comments about it. I am at the point where I feel extremely uncomfortable eating around her or going out with her. I am comfortable in my own skin but she obviously despises how I look, and has made some pretty nasty comments. I've told her that I'm happy with how I am but she constantly tries to make me see nutritionists or try fad diets.
How can I make her understand that what she is doing is hurtful and depressing?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You can never force someone to change I hate to say this but some people are just jerks. And yes some people even FAMILY can be the bullies but don't let her get you down. She may be projecting her anger on you. She sees what she hates in herself and is pushing it on you. Or maybe she blames herself for you not being the image she wants. But honestly she isn't worth listening to you know? You do you ...Be happy because somewhere out there someone has it worse cancer, death of friends and family, and im not saying that just to say it im saying it because your biggest critic is yourself and something like this shouldn't even phase you :) be strong <3
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Mother loves you. Mother wants what's best for you. No one in this whole wide world cares as much about you as mother.
Mother may not completely understand that you're an adult and capable of making your own choices. She may even be a bit annoying but remember this....
She carried you in her own body for 9 months. She cleaned and powdered you when you were dirtied your diaper. She got up in the middle of the night when you cried and were scared. She did a million things for you...because she loves you.
You'll have only one mother in this world and when she goes, you'll know what sadness really is.
Can't you just grin and bear it? I think you owe her that much.
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Mom sounds like a forceful personality, maybe a little controlling. Or she is having a hard time adjusting from being a mother who was raising you to a mom who now simply supports you as an adult and is your sounding board for advice IF you ask for it.
All I can say is that you have to spell it out in a firm tone, not your usual sweet, "Hi Mom" tone of voice. As others have suggested, give her the details of Dr. happy, you are healthy and you are happy with weight. Make sure she knows there is only one thing that is making you unhappy and make she understands it is how she is treating you. Some people can get into nasty habits of not allowing the other person to speak so if she talks over you, just leave, go home and write it all out to her and either send to her by email if she uses hers regularly or print out and mail if to her.
One thing you might want to mention also in your talk to her in person or in writing is that you understand she is mom but she needs to remember that her time of raising you and telling you what to do is over now that you are an adult. As an adult, you will be making your own decisions. If you ever have something you'd like to bounce idea wise off of her or get her opinion on, you will ask her for input. However you are letting her know right now that unsolicited input from her, given when not asked for will result in you limiting visits with her and at the moment of her indiscretion, result in you leaving her at that moment. You realize you can't force her to not say what she wants to say, but you are hoping she will control herself. If she cant or wont control herself around you, no matter where you are, her place or in public, you'll get up and leave immediately. (That process is called giveing an ultimatum--if you do this, then that will happen as a consequence) SO if asking her to stop doesnt work, use the ultimatum. Of course, in your own words dear but as Adviceman said, the words need to really make an impact and it's hard to do when you love Mom but you must realize, that Mom isn't being fair. Parents aren't always perfect or they do okay until their child becomes an adult. If you say nothing, or do so too sweetly, if won't have the impact needed. She may feel hurt initially but in time realize that you were right or at the very least, decide to follow your wishes whether she likes them or not, just so she can continue to see you.
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I agree with missundersmock answer what mom needs is a swift kick in the seat of her pants; or as I call it a "Come to God lecture" from you; by the way I'm in the same boat as you with several medications I take for chronic pain. They all cause weight gain.
You are over 18 an adult and totally responsible for your own well being. If she were my mom what I would say to her is this. Mom if we are to have a continuing reasonably sound mother daughter relationship you have to stop hounding me about my weight. The problem is as I have told you time and time again not totally with in my control which is caused by medication I take.
I have annual physicals which my doctor is pleased with the results as which I am. I am healthy and you should be pleased with that. You constant criticizing of me for something I have no control over is not only demoralizing it is depressing. I will not get depressed over something I cannot control. If you love me you will accept what is. If you cannot then I will have no choice then to limit our time together.
You are the only one unhappy with how I am. My doctor is happy and I am not only happy but comfortable with the way I am. You should be happy that I'm happy. If not that is your problem I am not going to let you bring me down anymore.
Of course you use your own words but they have to be as tough as I have written. I realize at 20 years old standing up to your mother is going to be hard though it is something you must do; not only for your sanity today but to keep mom from controlling your life in the future.
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Have you tried out right telling her that shes being hurtful?? sometimes people just need what i like to call "a swift kick in the pants" in order to understand that you dont need their help, your NOT totally stupid, and that youll handle your issues with your weight in your own way and in your own time.
Tell her to stop bringing it up over and over, you havent forgotten how she feels but that this is something YOU need to deal with on your own. She is more than welcome to toss in her two cents on this but its not her body or her life.
She may honestly just think shes trying to help you but if you feel this way about her then you need to make it known that you heard what she said and that you'll "take it into consideration".
You can always get together with someone else who will be a neutral part or someone cares about the both of you to help explain to her in a way she might listen to or better understand that the way shes badgering you isnt helping. if anything its hurting and could make your weight worse. Find someone shes listens to and tell them, ask them for advice about this or if they will help you talk to her about it.
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