|
Im confused about what my guy friend said?
Ok so today me and my guy friend were on kik and he said that "even if you did like me back I don't think I would date you" me and this guy have been friends for 2 years now. We are VERY close and we talk to each other all the time. He opens up to me and spills his life problems out to me or whatever he is going through. Ive helped him through a lot. He has this big crush on me but its not mutual and he gets me gifts, hugs me, texts me everyday, and gets jealous very easily. I asked him why and he said he would be scared if we were to break up and never talk again and that he hasn't been closer to any other girl then me even his ex. But last year (were much closer this year) he would constantly bug me and express how much he wanted to date me but now its like he just likes to do things for me (like a boyfriend) but not fully commit to me? He doesn't do it to anyone else. He doesn't have any other crushes or anything. He says he is scared that I would hurt him. But if you love someone don't you trust them enough not to break your heart? There has been times were our friendship had its downs. He would always lie to me and try to make me jealous by making up stories about other girls (he did this so many times) and I wouldn't talk to him for a while and he would freak out and vent to all his friends (that are also my friends) and he will get super depressed because he felt guilty for what he did. I've forgiven him an he still to this day feels bad for the things he did in the past when I assured him I wasn't mad at him anymore. Does he not trust me enough? Or is he just one of those type of guys that are "just in it for the chase"?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Well for starters, your friend doesn't seem very stable considering he would lie like that, and then get all depressed afterwards. (I had a ex like that, it was unhealthy) but your friend could've said that for multiple reasons. One, he's lying again and just trying to get you to like him, or go with him, because of the whole "wanting what you can't have" thing. Two, he could be honest and just be hurt that you don't return his feelings or something. Three, he could be scared of ruining the friendship because of how good it's been. There are several possibilities. I think your best bet, if you don't decide on your own, is to confront him and ask what he meant and why he said that and stuff. Hope this helped~
]
it seems he might be a little bit of both from what your saying.
He sounds like he wants you to like him back for a while and then when you do he starts making things up and expects you to feel hurt because he feels hurt when YOU do things because you dont like him back or feel the same.
It sounds to me like hes just messing with your head alot and i would personally just end all contact. It doesnt sound like hes capable of just being friends and sounds like hes unsure of his feelings because if he were he woule either keep talking to you and just except that your friends or end it because he knows already he doesnt have a chance with you.
Buying you things and all this may just be his way to trying to buy your heart, but this will also scare off other guys because they'll know you have some other guy buying you things already so you dont need them.
sounds irrational i know but ive seen this same thing play out way too many times.
]
From what you described, he doesn't sound like the type 'in it for the chase'.
To understand what he says, the best thing is to learn to ask him. Even if its several days later. Just ask, because I can't guess as to how his mind thinks and how he acts and what he means. We can make only vague guess's and it's best not to rely on them.
I will say that the things you describe him doing and saying remind me much of the tactics of a guy who is in love with the girl and wants her to show an equal desire. So he will say anything he thinks might get a reaction out of you like realizing you really do care about him, like using stories of other girls or past relationships to try to get you to feel jealous. I think his latest statement which you wonder about, "even if you did like me back I don't think I would date you" It feels like a very round-a-bout way of trying to get a reaction to learn if you really did like him back or not (i assume he meant that romantic attraction feeling instead of just 'like' and wanted to cause a desperate feeling at knowing he felt he likely wouldn't date you even if you wanted. Its meant to make you feel you're missing something so you end up spending time trying to experience romance with him. His jealousy comes from the fear of losing you. He has an emotional attachment to you and may not have the sexual one. You also said he's got the crush but it's not mutual, so you do not have any romantic feelings for him.
You want him as just a friend. And he seems to feel as if he'd be lost if he lost you as a friend, thinking you wont have time for him if you meet someone serious like marriage type. And he's right, you wont be able to be there for him in the same capacity he was used to because now your boyfriend takes first place as should be. But you'd have to have a male whose sexuality doesnt feel threatened by you taking time to talk to your male friend. It shouldn't cause trouble for a relationship if your sweetheart is okay with and has met your friend to see for himself the dynamics of the relationship is realize that your old friend is no threat as you are friends only. However if your male friend is secretly hiding the fact he's in love with you while you date another man, any man meeting him will just sense and pick up on the fact this guy is hot for you and will see him as a threat, asking you to not see him anymore if you two are serious.
What to do? Make sure you have a talk and be honest with him that you've heard things from him that hint at him having more than a friendship interest in you. If you dont feel the same, make sure he understands that you don't see him that way, romantically. You know after all this time with him as a friend that there is no chemistry for you romantically. Somehow, most people are okay with rejection for the reason of their chemistry not being compatible...maybe its because our chemistry is nothing we have control over, we can't willfully change it to match another person. So with it being out of our hands to change, this chemical mismatch rather than a willful conscious choice against. Make sure he understands this clearly. If he still whine and complains about fearing losing you, you may want to think about weaning him from your emotional support . You may be holding his personal emotional growth back by helping to keep him stuck by always being there. If you died in an accident tomorrow, how would he fare? Would he grieve the loss of a friend or would he fall emotionally apart out of not knowing how he will continue to emotionally handle things without you in his life. A person able to stand on their own two feet will have no trouble with losing you if you were not the crutch they leaned against all the time. Either you devote your life to being his caregiver for him emotionally and also marry him to keep him happy, or you search for the love of your life who is a man who is a whole mature person and you do not let the male friends fears keep you from living your life for you. Unless you want to live your life for him? But thats your choice.
]
More Questions: |