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I have feelings for this boy who gives me attention but not the kind I want
I have known this boy since elementary school and we are seniors in high school now. I never really liked him in this way until this year.. I sit at the same table with him And 3 other classmates with whom we share a friendship with that's hard to explain. One of my girlfriends at the table knows how I feel towards him And she notices how we fight like a married couple. I really like him And he talks to me like I'm his wife or something. We argue all the time but I think it's just a part of our chemistry. My question is how do I know if he really likes me the way I like him or if he's just joking all the time. By the way he's only dated white And Hispanic girls in the past And I'm African American And so is he.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You tell him your feelings and ask if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Guys normally like direct questions.
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You guys are friends and the best thing is to think if you're really interested in the relationship. If so you guys are friends so tell him how you feel. Explain what you're feeling. Hopefully everything will work out for the best. If things don't it'll be his loss.
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So you are saying you've liked him as a friend all these years and only this last year did you discover the added feelings of romance type of feelings towards him? Since you've known him a long time already, there is no reason why you can't just tell him of the new feelings, just don't use the words I love you, leave that for later. Instead, what you say is, Tom, (or whatever his name) I have enjoyed your friendship all these years and still enjoy but some is changing. I am beginning to have deeper feelings for you. It made me wonder if you have those deeper feelings too.
Do not worry about a preference to a certain race of girl. If he's been a friend all these years, thats a good sign. Guy's when young and growing up don't usually hang out with a girl they can't stand as a friend. Friends as they grown past puberty or somewhere after that can develope the romantic feelings/love but its possible that one feels it and the other just doesnt feel it cus they haven't given it a thought, out of habit they continue to think of the other person as just a friend cus the brain doesnt make the switch that the familiar feeling of friendship can remain and you develop the added romance on top of that. Those are the best relationships.
So the thing to avoid, is getting stuck in the friend zone and the way to do so is let him know how you are feeling about him. If he doesn't respond favorably, either the chemistry for being a romantic/sexual match just isn't there even tho friendship is. Or he is too shocked at first to want to try to even explore to see if there might be any possibility. He may have trouble in his mind switching from seeing you as friend to also a girl he'd like to kiss. Don't give up right away, flirt with him, do whatever you feel is appropriate to catch his attention. If it still doesnt' work, then possibly it wasn't meant to be.
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I can understand why this situation makes you feel uncertain. Since you've known each other for a long time and are friends, it's even more difficult to know. The good thing is that you have chemistry-- the issue is that it's hard to figure out if he also likes you the way you like him. Honestly, there's no real way of knowing unless you talk to him about it. He might like you and feel awkward making his feelings known since you're friends, or he might see you as just a friend. The tricky thing is that if he doesn't feel the same way but knows that you do, it might make him feel awkward around you. I think the best thing is to casually bring it up to him when you have a chance to talk to him privately. Maybe say that you know you're really good friends and you wouldn't want anything to change that... and that you've developed feelings for him this year and basically just want to get that off your chest. Try to be prepared for him to tell you that he only sees you as a friend, and to not be hurt or too disappointed if he says that. Really just be friendly and yourself-- the way you handle things will likely determine how to carries on. If you treat him the same as usual, then things will probably carry on being the same between you- but how he deals with it has more to do with him than you. I'd do what makes you feel comfortable, maybe even ask a friend what they think. Good luck!
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Honestly, you're still quite young to be after this sort of stuff. But I'm not going to judge.
Some may disagree with me but I think only time will tell whether he likes you or not. I'm sure one of your friends will be friends with him or following him on a social media you both have so grab his username if you don't have it already.
Talk to him in private over text or private messaging and he may seem quite withdrawn at first. But keep making more conversation until you both become friends. He should trust you more after some time and may confide with you on this subject. If he doesn't, it might be a sign he likes you and is too shy. If he does like another girl... its too bad and seems like you've been friendzoned. But love is a risk even at your age. And, hey, there are always other fish in the sea.
Eventually, he will slip up and say something like 'your pretty' or 'he'd be lucky to have you' but it depends on the type of guy. The person who I experienced everything I said so far is quite a shy, self conscious guy. If he's loud and outgoing, its harder to tell.
But you having arguments like nobody's business is a flirting tactic. I've done it. And the casual, soft hits every now and again. Not hard and angry though. Just jokey and try doing it back. Just break the touch barrier once your friends in any way you can.
But remember, just be yourself. Don't over flirt or anything because it can turn out to be awkward for everyone around. It's hard to tell if he likes you at the moment, but there is a little sign saying he might. But don't get your hopes up. He could just be teasing. Hope this helps :)
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From what you have written here, he seems to be very comfortable with you. I'd like to know one thing though, is he this way with any of your other friends or just you?
If he is this way only with you, it is likely that he has feelings for you. And one of the signs that a guy likes you is when he teases you a lot and tries to make you smile all the time :)
So I'm guessing he likes you and if he is this way only with you.. It shows that he is really comfortable with you and wouldn't mind making
You his girl friend.
So you need to watch out for any signs where he hints that he wants something more than friendship. The fact that he has dated girls from other races shouldn't really be a problem. If he likes you then what race you belong to is immaterial :)
Try getting some alone time and see how things go with you, is he very protective or tries to spend more time with you alone or other wise are clear cut signs that he likes you. So watch out and pay aye attention to how he is around you.
Hope this helps.
Good luck :)
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Hi, it's really cute how long you've known each other for and your friendship seems genuine and fun which is good. boys tend to tease the girls they like and have a bit of banter by arguing with them. you've known each other for a long time which could also be why you have so much to argue about lol i understand your worry and its common for the situation you're in, but you have nothing to worry about, if he acts the same when you're alone with him and when you're around all your friends then he definitely likes you the same way, don't be discouraged because he has a type, maybe you're just the change he needs that why he's treating you like his wife. so stay positive and keep doing what you're doing girl 'cause its obviously already working, just give him a bit more time to admit he likes you, boys are a bit slower than girls .
good luck hun x
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OK great that you have this relationship with him.Im not a super expert but my opinion is that since he is spending time with you plus putting emotion behind your relationship he can be your BF.The colour of the skin does not matter just show him you like him and if he reponds with giving to you emotions good company without wanting something in return means he is OK.But never rush with those important decisions experiment around and remember that with people fast is slow and slow is fast. :)
NIck
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Hi honey. Hmm.You fight all the time....
Hmm...well,it depends,what do you fight about? Is it disagreement on things you like,movies? Opinions of people?
Fighting is normal,bit if its all the time,its not a good thing,because it can escelate and you may say things you dont mean,and say stuff you will regret.
Be sure you really like this young man more than ''just friends'' he may or may not feel the same way you do,so you need to clear up whether or not he is really what you want.
Do you see your future with him?
Will you both go to the same college together?
Think about things a little more before talking with him about a relationship.
And darling,race or color,or religion should never matter.It is the person and it is the heart.
Be blessed!
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Hi,
Thank you for your question to my inbox - it is my pleasure to help you with this.
It made me smile when you said you argue all the time but its a part of your chemistry - I absolutely get that. Some of the people I get on with the most in the world and have the closest friendships with I argue 'like cat and dog' with!
I know it can feel daunting to be really upfront and just come out with it when you like someone - especially when that person is a friend and you worry about spoiling the friendship if they don't feel the same. However I am a firm believer in the saying 'life is for living' and I would encourage you to just go for it. Imagine if he does feel the same - you end up together as a great couple. You will never ever know unless you take the plunge. I know there is a risk but as a life coach I always tell my clients never to 'deal in hypothetical negatives' - that is to dwell on or give lots of thought to potential negatives or bad outcomes that may well never happen but could stop you going for what you want. If we never take risks because of something unpleasant that might happen we would never get any of the great things that could happen. That would be no way to live at all.
I can tell 100% by the way you phrase your question and the things that you say that you have REALLY really fallen for him - I say you go for it!
Truth is go cant be sure of the outcome or how he feels till you ask - you can guess, probably make an educated guess - but the only way to know is to ask!!
As we say here in the UK 'The best of British' - meaning - 'The Very Best of Luck'.
Take care and once again good luck!!
Ashok
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I'm sorry to say this but you have to ask him we advice columnists help people get on the right track but we can't know if someone likes you before seeing you together take a leap and ask him saying you like him if it doesn't work out you can still be friends
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