NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: I know my ex boyfriend and he doesnt have a Violent bone in his body. So NO, he would never plan an attack on another human being.

And secondly, Never ever have I considered that it was Me who has turned him bi-curious.

READ THE CONTEXT OF THE QUESTION BEFORE YOU ANSWER, OR DONT ANSWER AT ALL>

Thank you for the feedback. I did read the question thoroughly, and answered as best as I thought I could. I'm going to assume that since you posted this as a private question, you're looking for a response, since there is a place to put one-sided feedback.

I agree that your boyfriend was likely not planning an attack. It's kind of weird to go out of your way to do it. I was simply letting you know that there are only two reasons why someone who "f***ing hates f****ts" would be posting ads for a male partner. One was pretty awful, so I went with the other as the only plausible explanation.

The only reason I mentioned not worrying about 'turning' him was because I have had a few friends date women, them have those women 'turn' right after. It messed them up, because every one of them got it into their heads that they were somehow insufficient. Totally wrong, of course.

The sexual orientation of an ex doesn't really matter. He's a great guy that you spent some time with, and now he's his on his own exploring himself. Be there for him, but don't pry unless he makes it clear that he wants some help in adjusting to a shift in his orientation.

Just so you know, I'm going to have to report the 1 rating as abuse. My answer wasn't abusive, which is the only reason that a 1 rating would be acceptable. You don't have to agree with my answer. Just be aware that when you post a question in a public forum like this, you're asking for everyone's advice, not just what you want to hear. I took my time to try to help you. I'm not getting paid for this, except in the satisfaction that I get from helping make the world a little better one answer at a time.

Q: i would like to know wut to do

It all depends on you.

Are you attracted to other women? Are you attracted to this woman in particular? Is your marriage strong? Have there been good ground rules set up as to what you're comfortable with and what you aren't? Are either of you the jealous type? Is this a one time thing, or is he going to expect it again later?

You have to ask yourself and him these questions. It can be an amazing thing to share your partner, but only if it's right for both of you and your relationship.

If you aren't into women, I would say to just call it quits right there. It wouldn't be a sexy experience for you. It would be awkward and uncomfortable, and just no fun at all. If you're not into this woman, ditto.

Q: Hey, I am 17, female, senior in high school. First off, I had applied to two colleges with the intent of minoring in elementary ed. Both colleges have yet to reply to me. I am taking it as a sign that my major is filled or I just suck and they don't want me. Whichever it is, I am honestly looking at it as a sign. Don't tear me apart for what I am going to say next but I believe that not getting into the colleges on my initial major is God's way of telling me that's not what I should be doing with my life. I am re-thinking about becoming a baker, I had talked to my mom the other day after I had spent a good four hours making cupcakes and she said I should take baking classes and go to culinary school if I don't leave for college. That got me thinking that it's actually a great idea, I LOVE to bake, it makes me so happy when I am doing it, I bake all the time and I smile at my end results and I am always shocked when I'm looking at it telling myself "I made this". However, I hear getting a job such as this is hard. Where I live, the closest bakery is about 30 minutes away. I would love to take cake decorating classes, a local craft store does baking classes, but I am just scared that I wouldn't be able to find a baker's job. I know, I think to hard about things and a baker job may be easy but everything just scares me. I also was thinking about becoming a dermatologist after I had just gotten aquainted with mine, he said he had terrible acne when he was my age and his dermatologist changed his life and my dermatologist wanted to be like his so he went into the field. However, I'm bad at science so I think I ruled that out. I then thought that I would like to take writing classes, I love to write. So, I was wondering... would I be able to major in writing at my community college, while taking baking classes and be able to get a job pertaining to both when I get older or to be a baker, do I need culinary training at a University? I'm SO lost, please help me! Thanks!

You sound like one of my friends from high school! We called her Martha (as in Stewart) because she was always making delicious goodies and throwing elaborate dinner parties. She has gone into a concurrent program between a college and a university where you get a degree in business with a diploma in restaurant management and culinary arts. It all started with her cake decorating classes!

What you take all depends on what you want to do with your life. Personally, I would focus on the culinary side of things rather than writing for your major, since you're far more likely to get a job as a chef than in the literary field. I know several people who have gone to university for the arts or social sciences, only to go to culinary school because they can't use their degree. If you love writing, you could take some online courses or night classes.

If you want to run your own business, I would suggest going to school for business. If you just want to work under others, you can just go to culinary school. The nifty thing about being a chef is that you can do just about anything. You can open your own bakery, you can work in a restaurant, you can sell gourmet grilled cheese from a truck (there's someone who does that in my city). The opportunities are endless.

My friend, "Martha", has been decorating cakes for years. She's been building a portfolio by making cakes for birthdays, anniversaries, and even my wedding! You can get a kick-start now without a professional job. Just remember to take pictures!

You should do what you love. Don't suffer through 12 years of school to become a dermatologist if you're not passionate about it. Plenty of people have changed my life, but I'm definitely not going to go dashing off to do what they do! You're lucky that you do have a passion to follow.

Q: My now Ex boyfriend suddenly became suspicious of my where abouts, and even started accusing me of ridiculous things.
So, I went through his phone, and found a number under "18 year old bi guy" in his contact list, and a strange message he sent to an unknown number "Requesting a blow job for $150". The language used in the text indicated he was communicating with a guy.

My ex is a typical Man- a mechanic, loves trail bikes, and hunting. I once told him my gay cousin was coming up too stay and he responded "I fucking hate faggots".

I finally hit him up and he laughed at me, and told me him and his work mates always mess around like that. But Im still suspicious...

What do you guys think?

Interesting that he all of a sudden became suspicious with you. Sounds like projection to me... he knows he's being unfaithful, so he starts assuming that you are, too.

There are two scenarios that would explain this. Either he's exploring his sexuality and very uncomfortable with it, or he's leading on a guy in hopes of attacking him and beating him up. Someone who's so vehement in their hatred of homosexuality isn't just having a laugh.

Chances are, he's exploring and uncomfortable. My brother-in-law (my husband's twin, actually) is a manly man. He works on a horse farm in the summer, he likes video games, etc. He`s also gay. You`d never know unless you met his husband. He was extremely uncomfortable with his first few relationships with men because of the environment he`d grown up in. In fact, his father told him he`d break both arms if he ever found out that one of the boys was gay (for the record, he didn`t... he`s actually been very accepting). If you`re raised in an environment of intolerance, that`s all that you`re going to know. You can`t change who you are, though, so even if you were raised in an environment where it`s dangerous to be gay, you`re still going to be gay if that`s how you are.

Since he`s your ex now, all you can really do is tell him that you`ll be supportive of whatever lifestyle he leads so long as he`s not putting himself in danger`s way. Get yourself tested because of the possibility that he was cheating on you near the end of your relationship. And never, never think that you `drove` him to be gay!

Q: i think i started what do i do.

Well, to start, you should probably tell your parents. A female relative is the easiest: your mom, your stepmother, an older sister. I know it's embarrassing and weird, but they need to know so that they can make sure you have everything you need.

You'll also need to figure out what sort of protection you're going to use. Most girls start with pads because they don't require any expertise to use. They're also safer than tampons. You may find that, down the line, you'll want to switch to tampons or the cup (which I use, it's fantastic!), but pads are a good place to start. Your mom can help point you in the right direction when it comes to brands and what you'll need.

Make sure to keep clean, showering every day. If you do use tampons, make sure that you're not leaving them in longer than you're supposed to, and that you're using the lowest possible absorbency. Welcome to the world of women!

Q: I'm an eighteen year old female. I was just at the Neurologist (ADHD) and they need me to be working out 30 minutes everyday. I have not been doing that. I used to swim competitively year round but I developed a hip injury and haven't been back for 4 years.
I have very low self-esteem when it comes to working out. I used to be bullied for my weight. I am 160 lbs and 5'8. Another reason to be working out. Anyways, all of my friends from high school (I'm a senior) work at our local YMCA. So I can't go there, even though it has a pool and fully equipped workout room. I would take some sort of dance Zumba class, but I have no one to take it with me (my dad is annoying and my mom is sooo over weight & all my friends are crazy busy). I get bored with workout videos, Wii games, Zumba on YouTube. I also used to do this program called "Couch to 5k" running around my neighborhood with my dad.. but we both got lazy and I got whistled at and hollered at so much that I don't want to put myself out there like that again...
What do I do?

I know it's kind of awkward, but joining the Y even though you know everyone there can actually be a positive thing.

I work at the membership desk at the YMCA. I know most of the people who work out there. So yeah, it's weird when I'm working out there, especially because I'm the sort of person who's all head down, music loud, let's just get through this. People will come and chat it up with me, or smile and wave, or... stare. The nice thing is, it really does help motivate you to go when you know that it's a friendly environment. People know each other. Heck, there are guys who have been going to that gym for over 50 years and have been friends for as long.

So don't discount your local Y. If your gym is too far away, you probably won't go as often. You may want to see if they do offer a Zumba class (mine does). I did one alone a little while back and it was a blast. You're so busy smiling and laughing that you don't even notice that you're alone. Also keep your eye out for an Aquafit class. It's a great low-impact way to exercise.

Q: I love to run. I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia (basically widespread chronic pain for those uninformed), and exercise induced asthma, and am medicated for both, but it still sucks, and these problems get in the way.

I've been running nearly every other day since August, after a year off working out completely. I used to be able to run 5k in under half an hour, but that's the farthest I've ever run. I've always fashioned myself more of a sprinter, though. I'm very fast, but I can't seem to maintain. I'd like to change that.

I've tried limiting my speed - on a treadmill, I've been setting my jog speed to 6mph, which is almost uncomfortably slow for me, as I usually run at 6.5mph, but I've noticed more ability to keep going. I still can't get on a treadmill and just run for ten minutes. I keep having to walk, which interferes with my ability to just zone out, which is part of what I love about running.

But here's the thing, I don't just trot, or lightly jog. I really run with my whole body. I've come off the next day feeling like I did a back workout, or worked my abs.

How fast is too fast? Should I drop my speed further, even though I have a long stride? Should I change my stride? Has anyone else run into this problem, or have any ideas as to how to work up to being able to run more than 3 miles?

Thanks!

Have you tried the Couch to 5K program? There's a modified version called Bridge to 10K, where you take it even further.

If you're not familiar with it, the basic premise is that you start running in bursts. 30 seconds running, 2 minutes walking. Then, each running session, you work your way up so that you're running longer distances and walking shorter ones until you can do 5k (or 10). It's not as hard on your body while you're working up.

Q: Hi Amanda

I just turned 22 years old very devoted Muslim. I am married with a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often. I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age. This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice/

My parents sent me to this Quran boarding school for girls for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little (I was the only one accepted out of my family. my brothers and sisters leaned from the Mosque). I learned a lot. You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister all younger than me.

But Abu, the school mater, that trained me—he and I were very close, even sexually in that school. It sounds strange but we kept it secret. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well –whatever. His wife was the one who gave me birth control pills to save my family and myself the shame. She said she did it for other girls to. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. We kept our sexual relationship till until my family moved to the UK. But this is a shameful thing in my past I don’t talk to people about it but now I have to because it is killing me inside. If my parents found out I would be dead DEAD. I learned ALOT about my body and sex and i am grateful to have learned these things from Abu. it was an amazing sexual experiuence over all. When I got married I lied to my husband like many of the girls I know to say I was a virgin. Otherwise I would never get married. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. . I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with three children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”.

Her daughter, Cameron, my niece she is now in Jordan with my family and they are sending her to the same school to learn the Quran. Abu is still teaching there. My sister said it is best to not talk about it and let her experiernece life and sex and everything else like we did. My friends tell me to expose this man. It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other girls because of the shame factor. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. I respect him. Am I weird and crazy?? But I don’t know what to do because now Cameron is there and my family did not think twice about sending her to that school because it has such a good reputation. My American friends tell me to make my sister take Cameron out of that school as soon as yestersay. I feel so mistrable because of what they tell me I am wicked. But my experience was good over all at that school. But they make me feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am depressed about this. I really want Cameron to learn from this very good school and Abu, but I don’t know what to do!! Please help me from going crazy…I don’t know what to do..i need help to think about this.
PLEASE respond to jjordan2011@mail.com

This is a really tough one, because there are so many things at play here. There's no right answer.

If you're not feeling any negative effects from your past, there's no reason to start. It takes many women years of therapy to get to a point where they're able to cope with experiences like yours. Don't start feeling guilty because of what you have done, because there's no reason.

That said, what your school master did was unethical. He was in a position of authority over young girls, and used his position to manipulate them into sexual relationships. Even if it is not against the law, it's still wrong for him to have done. This is where you face some obligations.

Your niece is in a situation where she may be exposed to the same sort of pressure that you were. Your aunt knows about it, but because of shameful feelings she won't protect her daughter. All of me wants to say that you should expose the man and have him locked away, but you do have your family to worry about as well.

I think the best advice I could possibly give you is to warn your niece yourself. In an age-appropriate way, tell her about her rights and how she may be pressured to go against her beliefs, but how she can always talk to you if there's anything going on. Warn her about his past. You don't have to be specific about what went on, but let her know that he's not to be trusted in certain ways. It's not perfect, but it's at least enough to save her from his influence.

Q: So I stumbled upon this site, and after digging through some jumble I stumbled upon some powerful testimonies.... Here is mine

Im a 27yr old male who really is just lost in this life, I constantly find myself trying to compare to a "life timeline"

I have so much to say I dont really know where to start, so Im just going to put it into text and hopefully someone can lift me.

I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood, my father killed himself when I was 3 years old. The kids I grew up with were all 5-8+ years my senior. I was always the one "fighting" so to speak. Getting picked on what have you. I'll never forget the day where I pissed off one of these friends so bad that he told me, "At least my dad didn't kill himself with a crossbow"

Now, at this time I was prolly 11-12? It sticks with me to this very day. I was 3 when he died, I DISTINCTLY remember coming home from the sitter's to a house full of parents from around the neighborhood, surrounding my crying mother. My mother pulled me into the next room and in her own words told me, "daddy was sick, and he died". Now, at the time, I took that as he threw-up and then died. Im still scared to this day to throw up.

His death never effected me emotionally, my mother always had me sports, I was pretty good at them and traveled with baseball and hockey in the summertime when I wasnt in school. I was always busy.

When I came to Highschool, I was the ONLY kid to make the baseball team that wasn't in someway tied into the baseball program (much like politics). I earned my spot on that team, I worked my ass off. I was so proud of myself.

That exuberance carried into my highschool social life. It was pretty much that of a movie, typical ass hole jock. I cared about what people where thinking of me, and went out of my way for that extra laugh.

I was blessed was a set of baby blue eyes, and an appetite for girls.

My senior year rolls around and life suddenly ceased as I knew it. Huge rumors went around of an underclassman that was going to start over me this upcoming season in baseball, it really put me in a place I had never experienced.

BPE - was a class required to graduate, it was a personal fitness class. PFFFF CAKE!! it was even taught by the soccer coach. Being an athelete I had it made.
One day during this BPE class we were playing basketball in the gym with our coach. To this day I struggle to remember what I said to him but I cant remember ( I've always been the type of person to either bring the best or absolute worst out of someone ) Whatever I said to him upset him, he distracted me by pointing over my shoulder. When I looked back, he reared back and thew the basketball right at me, I reacted and caught the ball with my right (throwing hand) Thumb, it hyper-extended it, and it snapped the tendon back into my thumb.

Long story short my mom and step father didnt really know what to do. School Police investigated, local police investigated, even a detective pulled me out of class to ask me what happened. It was basically my story against a grown man's. I had a cast on my arm, I was so emotional from this I quit the baseball and Hockey teams.

I fell into my first depressed state, all these girls I hooked up with was finally catching up with me. The friends that were "cool" didnt care about me, I went from everything to nothing before I even knew what happened.

I had always smoked cigarettes since the 5th grade, and marijuana since the 6th grade (remember the kids in my neighborhood were much older than me)

but this time, I yeared for those drags more and more.

At 18, I went to local college and lived at home due to my license being suspended I graduated high school with a 3.45gpa, and finished my freshman year at a university with a 3.2gps, keeping my "hope" scholarship.

Sophomore year I had made a new circle of friends from online video games. I was experimenting with drugs for the first time. I attended maybe 3 classes that first semester and with the help of a third party counseler recieved and medical withdrawl, they claimed b/c I was bipolar with being suspectible with past family history.

2nd Sophomore year I decided to turn my life around and move away from the temptation and bad choices. I packed up a rented u-haul trailer and hitched it to my suv and drove 800miles north.

When I arrived I searched frantically for a place to live, and the last place and me living with 3 other pill head/pot heads.

So, now at the ripe age of 20 im learning that you cant run from your problems, your problems follow you.

I achieved nothing at school up north, on spring break everyone drove home to their familes upstate. Mine lived more than 800 miles away, so I locked myself in with an 8ball of cocaine.

I noticed myself gaining a receiding hairline @ 20.

Being from the south and moving up north, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had no trouble hooking up with women.

When I moved back down home, I decided to hit the real world and get a job. I started waiting tables at a finer seafood place, and I was making more money than I had ever seen.

I met this girl who was 19 at the time I was 21. Long story short, we took muscle relaxers and had sex. After we were done we fell asleep. The next thing I know I'm getting my ass beat by her stepfather. He walks into his bedroom and pulls a gun out, loads it in my face, cocks it, and sticks it in the rear of my back. 2 days later, that girl and I moved in together. 9 months I found myself in small claims court at the end of a nasty breakup.

I kept putting myself in bad situations.

Now, im 27, I've worked in the food industry since I was 14. I can't take it anymore, I'm always angry! If some stupid cunt says something rude to me, I retort right back at them.

I'm 27 years old, I've had over 25jobs and I've either quit, or been fired from every single one.

I feel like I have so much more to talk about and you are only seeing what my fingers can type out.

I've been jobless for the past 3months. My biological father's mother just pass recently. I received a small amount of money that I have been living off of.

I'm stuck and I dont know what to do, I've talked to professionals, and they can all suck my cock. I dont want to take pills. Ive had my drug experiment stage and I'm proud to say that drugs do not tempt me.

I do smoke marijuana regularly.

I'm cursed with women. I've been such a dog to sp many that I know I'm being punished by Aphrodite herself. My last 2 girlfriends were marriend and pregnant no more than 6months after breaking up with me.

I'm a great lover, and a shitty solemate. I find it hard to open up to women about how I feel. I look for my mother in them.

and yes, i'm an only child who is a momma's boy, who has a severe case of daddy issues.

I do think about suicide, but then I think of my mother.

I want to be lifted of this fog, NO I DO NOT AGREE WITH PILLS.

I put far too many online hours into games now, but I have nothing else to devote myself into, no career, no girl, no friends, I just sit here, knowing that I am the epitome of a Highschool loser.

I have been seeing psychiatric professionals of one sort or another since age 7, and if I had the anatomy for it I'd be passing along your message to most of them, too. If I had a nickel for every counselor who tried to tell me there was nothing wrong with me, or every doctor who forced antidepressants on me even when I told them it was making me feel worse, I'd have... a lot of nickels. I'm going somewhere with this, trust me.

All it takes is one good one to help. Mental health professionals are like shoes. Some just aren't comfortable, and if they're not the right fit for you they'll end up doing more harm than good. Don't discount shoes altogether just because you haven't found that perfect pair quite yet. Even if the ones you've encountered so far aren't great for you, chances are that if you look back on it you'll be able to pull at least one useful thing from each of them. One such gleaning that I managed to pull from a particularly frightful mismatch was something I think you would benefit from.

Reading your story, and particularly the wording of it, you seem to be plagued by external loci of control. Aphrodite is punishing you. You're a loser. Everything you say is said as if you couldn't possibly do anything about it. "This is who I am, and it sucks." You don't feel as if you're in control of your future, and that's perfectly normal when you're dealing with mental illness and particularly bipolar disorder.

You may not agree with your doctor's diagnosis, but as someone else who has bipolar disorder it's not hard to see when someone is exhibiting symptoms. The tendency to pack up and leave with grandiose ideas of making everything better all at once. The cycle of being extremely successful, then failing spectacularly. The irritability. The drug use (and yes, marijuana is a drug) is a form of self-medication. I've been guilty of it in the past as well.

You've had a rough go of it so far. Nobody would argue with that. The problem is that in order to get your life to where you want it to be, you have to regain control of it. Instead of being that guy who can't open up to women, you need to work on becoming better at it. Instead of being a loser, you need to figure out what you feel would lift you out of that status and take steps to achieve it. This is where counselors can help a great deal, if you find the right one. I've actually been working with an occupational therapist, and he's working wonders with helping me get back into school and work.

Don't discount medications. It's hard not to, especially when you're feeling good, and even more especially when you have to deal with side effects even though you don't feel the need to be on the meds. I've been there. I'm finally at the stage where we've figured out what medication I need to be on, and fine-tuning the dosage. That's taken 3 years. It takes time to find the right one, but when you do it can help in ways that just counseling or pulling up your socks won't. Bipolar disorder isn't like depression. It's not the sort of problem where you can just exercise and eat right and paste on a smile to get through the days until it ends. It doesn't end, ever. That said, you're not going to be held down and forced into accepting medication. If your symptoms aren't bad enough to mess with your life, you may be able to do without. In fact, bipolar disorder can be a positive thing if harnessed correctly. My OT told me a story about an old patient of his who owned several large businesses. When he was in his depressive phase, he would pull back and let his subordinates do the work. When he was manic, he would open up three new branches. He was incredibly successful despite going unmedicated. Everyone is different. Personally, I can't function for more than 3 months without medication before my swings go bonkers and take me out. If you're still having trouble reaching where you want to be, medication may be a good option for you.

I know the temptation to start fixing everything at once when you start to swing out of a down phase. Attempt moderation. Work on doing things that you can maintain. In the past, as soon as I started feeling better I would register in school, get a job, start a hobby, make all sorts of grand plans... and then lose them all because I would eventually swing back down and be unable to maintain it all at once. Lately, I've been working on taking on one thing at a time when I feel good. I started working a job almost a year ago, nothing glamorous but something to keep me going. It's been iffy at times, but I'm still there. When I'm feeling good, I am an excellent performer. When I'm not... I cope. Now I'm hoping to add school into the mix in the fall. It's like juggling. Nobody goes from looking at a box of knives to juggling 20 of them.

You're not doomed to a life of mediocrity. In fact, you're probably doomed to an eternity of being exceptional. Harness your energy and focus it into productivity. Even if it's a crappy minimum wage job, be the best damn employee they have. You have that potential. Use it, and work your way up from nothing.

Q: #1 Not looking for a "Stop we can help you" Solution
#2 Not even sure if im going to go through with it.
(will know in about 2 weeks)
#3 -=Looking for fast painless ways to die.=- (not sure exactly how to get a real gun but im sure i could find a way.)
#4 Thanks ever so much!

Please no spam or #1 {Thanks}

If you've spent any time on this website, you'd know that we would never give you what you want. Even if anyone did want to tell you how to kill yourself, they couldn't because of the potential legal repercussions. Nobody does, though, because we're all here because we believe in the better side of life despite its difficulties.

Ask anyone here. We've all been through our own share of tough crap, some more than others. A lot of us have been in your situation (I ended up on this site years ago because I was also looking for a quick, painless way to die) and have overcome. We're not going to tell you to give up.

I'm also not going to tell you that we can help you. We can't. We're strangers on the internet. We can make suggestions, and we can reach out to you, but the only person who can really help you at this point is yourself.

I'm guessing that, based on the fact that you have a timeline, you're basing your decision on an event to happen in the near future. Whatever that event is, it's only going to be one moment out of billions. Don't let it be the one moment to determine how the rest of your life goes. No matter how important it may seem now, it's not worth missing out on every positive moment that you would experience if you were to live a full life.

I'm not preaching to you from the perspective of someone who has never dealt with hardship. Heck, I still deal with suicidal thoughts on a near daily basis. It's something I'm working on, and even just fighting it has given me things that I never thought I would have. If I had killed myself at age 18 when I first came to this website, I would never have met my boyfriend. I would never have bought a house with him. I would never have been married. I wouldn't have answered over 1800 questions on this site. There's a lot that I would not have accomplished if I had just given up then. Just about the only thing that keeps me going some days is the knowledge that even if I'm dedicating all my energy to holding on, I'm still leaving myself open to accomplishing and experiencing more.

I'm sure you know that you should be contacting a counselor or a mental health hotline. Or contact one of us. Or a friend, or a family member. Reach out to someone, because that's a bond that ties you to this planet. Do something good for yourself. Do something good for someone else. Find tiny reasons to hold on, and remember that there's no one thing worth ending your life for.

Q: 18/f
Well, when it comes to my love life I am not sure what to do. One of my best friends is in the army, he kissed me on New Years eve and is leaving from basic training and will be back the day before Valentines day. I like him a lot, but part of me feels like I am too young to be in a relationship. I like him in a way I could see me never being with some one else. But I don't want that so young. I've been in a few relationships and all ended badly, I don't want to lose my best friend, but I am afraid if I wait too long I will not have thee opportunity again.

When I was 18, I met my perfect match. I was so not ready for a committed relationship. There was some struggle and some missed experiences. And now, 5 years later, we're married and very happy together.

Things don't always happen when you want them to. It would be great if we all met that perfect person right when we were ready for them. It just doesn't work that way.

Go for it. It's better to give it a shot than to live your life wishing that you had. He's given you a sign that he's interested, so it's not like you're jumping on him out of nowhere. Be aware that being a military girlfriend is super difficult, and that you will have some regrets when you see other girls your age whooping it up and dating around. It's hard to settle down early, but it's extremely rewarding.

Q: Hi everyone, i've been single since the beginning of November. Me and the guy only dated for 2 months. besides that i was single for exactly one year. (btw i am 16 years old) i really want a boyfriend, and i have many opportunities to get one. i dont hook up with guys randomly, and my bestfriend john and i are really considering dating. But, i have a tendency to get bored fast and find the smallest dumbest things to be a big turn off. I get bored in relationships very easily and very quickly. I'm not a sexaholic at all. ive only have sex twice. but i always have my mind wrapped around the idea that i am ready to date and once the opportunity comes around i chicken out. i dont understand why. even with the last guy i dated i got bored fast and broke up with him before i really hurt him. i dont know if im just not the person that is to be commited. i used to have boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend, than about a year ago me and this guy had a thing. everyone thought we were dating, we pretty much were but it just was never official. and than this guy steve got jealous of him and tottally wrecked mine and the guys friendship/relationship. and i was totally crushed my it, i was completely upset because the guy started to hate me because of steve. i knew in the beginning thats why i couldnt settle back down or anything but im not sure if thats still the reason. but it deffinitly could be...another thing is when i decide i like a guy i constantly think of them, than i guess my brain can only take so much of that same person that i also get sick of them. but if anyone can help me find an answer to why i lose interest so fast, and how i can stop myself from losing interest please help! and if you can tell whether or not i'm fit for commitment or not? thankyou so much!!

Until my husband and I met, I hadn't had a relationship longer than 3 months. I would get bored and move on, even if there wasn't anything really wrong with the relationship. I've realized since that it was just my mind's way of telling me that this wasn't the right person.

You need someone who can keep you engaged and interested for the long haul if you're going to last the distance. Being married means brushing your teeth next to the same person for 50+ years. It's not about that first flutter of romance. It's what's left over after that flutter that really matters.

You may find that nobody fits the bill right now. You have lots of time to look around. Never settle for less than what you want until you find the person who makes putting up with the little things worth it!

Q: okay so i found out i was pregnant and then found out it was eptopic but just before i found out it was eptopic my so called friends thought i was lying bout it all so i ended up back in depression and im suffering really bad with it and i mean really bad i cant even leave the house for college or work and i have 3 jobs to maintain.
i finally got the courage to go college today and i never felt so awkward or paronoid in my life, i have fallen behind greatly at college and the so called friends (same ones as before) are now trying to split me and my boyfriend up...he says he isnt listening to them but i really dont know how to feel about the whole situation or what to do? im so scared/worried and frustraighted

It sucks, doesn't it? Just when you start to climb back out of the hole, the whole world comes rushing back at you demanding that you fix everything all at once. You've just got to take one thing at a time.

Have you been seeing a counselor or psychiatrist? Being in a situation like yours, it would be a very good idea for two reasons. The first, obviously, is the benefit of therapy. The second is the support in re-entering your world. If you can get a doctor's note saying that you have been unable to attend school/work for the last little while due to illness, and that you need to be given a reasonable amount of time in which to catch up, that will help loads. It takes a lot of the pressure off, and you can focus on just readjusting to getting out of the house again.

I've been in your situation. I hit a really bad depressive cycle a few years ago when I first started dating my boyfriend, and all of our friends started telling him to dump me because I'd never get any better. Lovely, right? Well, he did ignore them and we're married now, so there's always hope. Make sure that he knows you're taking steps to get better, and that should be enough for him. It's probably best if you both sever ties with these faux friends. There are lots of places to make new friends, and these people are just toxic.

You may want to see if there's a disability services department at your school. If there is, they can help you with your return as well. When I'm in school I work with them, and they're able to get me all sorts of leeway where I need it: like taking tests in a separate room, because hearing people panicking beforehand makes me anxious, or having extensions on assignments if I'm experiencing a depressive cycle.

Q: Me and this girl really like each other and flirt a lot, but its almost impossible to communicate with her because she never responds to my texts. She tells me she loves me and cares about me a lot, but sometimes she will go weeks without talking to me. We saw each other 3 days ago when we went on a date, and really enjoyed ourselves, and afterwards I texted her like three times and she hasn't gotten back to me.

She has plenty of free time, and I know that she knows she can talk to me whenever she wants, she just chooses not to. It really irritates me because I value communication and she always does this to me. It really makes me worry that she doesn't like me all that much because I feel like a girl who really liked me would want to talk to me constantly. She tells me I'm hot and amazing but almost never talks to me. Whats up with that?

Its been like this for years before we even started dating, but now that we are dating it is 10x more frustrating because I don't know how to have a relationship with someone who doesn't talk to me that much. And when we are together and I bring this up she says shes really sorry and that she really needs to get better, but then she never does. But since I'm a guy I don't want to seem needy and clingy to her, so I'm hesitant to bring up how much it pisses me off...

What can I do?

I would disagree somewhat with Zane's excellent advice. You see, as a woman who hates texting and thinks that it's the most likely cause for the inevitable collapse of society, I see where your girl could be coming from.

Texting is great for some things. "Hey, I'm at the mall and can't find you" or "I don't know where our English class is" are both fine reasons to text people. Texting is not a great vehicle for getting a relationship going. It's lazy. "hey how r u had fun lol" is not exactly the epitome of romance. And then when you do respond to a text, more come. And more, and more, and you're expected to answer each within a certain time frame or you're a terrible rude person. I hate it. Maybe she does too.

Look. You value communication. You're clearly quite articulate. Try picking up that phone and using it for its original intended purpose. Talk to the lady. Ask how her day went, say cute things, then you can both go on your merry ways. Then, if she's still incommunicado, follow Zane's advice. But don't give up on her because she's reluctant to text.

Q: hello,

I would like to know what subjects you tutor as I too need extra help at school.

Thanks

You're barking up the wrong tree, but we can give you some advice on how to find help in school.

Teachers can be a great help if you're stuck on a few things here or there. Some even offer tutoring after school.

Smart friends are a fantastic resource. Nobody's good at everything, but everybody's good at something. Trade skills with your friends, or form a study group where you do homework together. Or just ask a friend of yours to help you out. Bribing with pizza or coffee might help.

If all else fails, you can always look for a tutor. Try local colleges or universities, or maybe your school has a peer tutoring system. At my high school I was registered as a free tutor in several subjects. You may need to pay, but a lot of tutors are willing to work within your budget.

Q: What are some Social Issues that can be found on Native reserves across Ontario, more specifically Walpole Island, if anyone is familiar.?

This sounds suspiciously like a homework assignment. We can't do your homework for you.

I did, however, google "Walpole Island issues" and found a gold mine. Give it a shot :)

Q: Hey, this question is something that I get a lot and used to get quite frequently because my best friend is a guy. I just want to know what your feelings are on guy/girl friendships. Do you think they can just be friends forever? Will they eventually fall for one another? Will sexual tension get the best of them? I've heard them all, my friend and I have been best friends since third grade and are now seniors in high school and everyone, even outside our circle of friends thinks that some day, some how, we are gonna date because guy/girl friendships are impossible. I disagree, as does he. What do you think?

It's extremely possible. My best friend is a guy, and we've known each other for 6 years now. He was even my man of honour in my wedding!

It's very possible to like someone for who they are without having romantic feelings towards them. Would a bisexual person be unable to be "just friends" with everyone because they're attracted to both sexes?

Q: a cupple weeks ago i had sex with a 15 year old, now hes telling everyone that i was good so other people have came up to me and asked to sleep with them im almost 14 my older sister said that i should becuz im atlesst good at it but i dont want to be known as a slut. i mean i kind of want to but i know that sex is only for that one guy but how do i find him in this mess?

It's easy to find a great guy: whenever a random dude approaches you and asks you to have sex with him, run in the opposite direction.

Having sex is not a way to get peoples' respect or adoration. When you define yourself by something like how many guys want to sleep with you, you're disrespecting yourself. You have a million other qualities that are far more important than your genitals.

Don't listen to your sister. Seriously. I'm an older sister myself, and I can't imagine ever telling my sister to sleep with random guys because she's good at sex.

Q: Okay, well i need help on trying to choose a honeymoon spot. my soon-to-be husband says that i have to pick because it runs in his family.
the main things im looking for are
- romance
-some places to shop
- relaxing
- have lots of time alone, but not to much,(dont wanna be stuck in a room the whole time)
- good weather, not to hot, not to cold
- somewhere in europe is preferred.
-sight seeing
please tell me some places that maybe you have went and you think its just perfect place.
thanks for reading, please help!

Have you thought about a cruise?

My husband and I went on a Caribbean cruise for our honeymoon, but there are lots of Mediterranean cruises available.

You get lots of time to each other if you want (especially if you splurge on a balcony room, which I highly recommend), you get to socialize with others at dinner, there's lots to do on a ship like dancing and shows, and you can do whatever you'd like in port: shopping, sightseeing, etc.

Q: I'm a fifteen year old female and i am currently taking celexa and seroquil for my severe depression. i was talking to someone else who also has depression and he says he doesn't take medications and only takes vitamins and exercises so that he doesn't feel that way anymore. is it possible for me to try this? i'm not fond of the idea of taking celexa and seroquil because of the side effects, such as defects in a child that i might have in the future, and i really want to have kids.

I've taken Celexa in the past, and I'll add to the list of people telling you not to quit it cold turkey on your own. If I missed so much as a single dose, I'd go into terrible withdrawal symptoms. It was awful.

There are different levels of depression, just like there are different levels of any other disorder. Someone may find that they can control their diabetes with diet and exercise, while someone else may need an insulin pump. Just because diet and exercise works for someone else doesn't mean it will work for you. The fact that they've got you on two medications right now probably means that you need the extra help.

Don't worry about birth defects right now. That's only if you're taking those particular medications while you're pregnant. If you're planning on starting a family, you can talk to your doctor and either be weaned off of your current meds or put on others that don't carry a risk. I know the side effects from the meds suck, but you may not need to be on them forever. My father has been able to go off his meds a few times (doctor-supervised, of course) for periods of years. Plus, you'll change as you grow older, so your medical needs will change as well.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.