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14/f Hi,ever since starting high school, I've become very quiet, insecure and not as talkative as I once was.... I'm not happy anymore and my life is really boring because I barely talk to anyone anymore so, how do I become sociable again? (link)
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I like your question because I changed schools when I became a sophomore, so I didn't know anybody. I didn't want to talk to anyone I didn't know and I hated it when teachers assigned in-class partner assignments or made everyone play those silly "ice-breaker" games. But here's how I overcame all of that.
It starts with just one friend. You're just starting high school. YOU DON'T NEED TO MAKE A MILLION FRIENDS ON YOUR FIRST DAY. All you need to do is find one true friend. And then maybe introduce yourself to their friends. The key is to put yourself out there. I learned this way too late.
If you want to make friends, you have to participate in school activities and join clubs. Find your PASSION. What I mean by that is, if you love filming or making movies or watching movies, join a film club or take a video production class (if your school has one.) If you're a really gifted writer or an eloquent speaker, join the writer's club or take a public speaking class. Find what you're good at and DO IT.
And remember, sociable doesn't always have to mean talkative. Sociable means that you are frequently interacting with other people. It doesn't necessarily mean that you talk a lot.
Lastly, I've constantly struggled with insecurity myself. But I realized, the person who can break my spirit and destroy my self-esteem is myself. DON'T GIVE YOURSELF THAT POWER. Appreciate yourself for who you are and others will do the same. If you feel insecure, people will see you as insecure. But if you feel CONFIDENT, people will see you as a CONFIDENT PERSON. That's also something I learned in my senior year. You don't want to be like me and wait until your senior year to start having fun. DO IT WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE.
Anyway, I hope I was able to help you.
~Andrew~
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So there's this guy that I liked. Long story short, he called me hot, I asked him if we could hang out and he said he would if he could but I shouldn't count on it. For the most part, my relationship with this guy has been flirty yet non flirty at the same time. It is always contradicting. I feel like he does find me attractive but yet he'll keep at least an arms length away. Like he likes to have the idea of me on the side, and wants to get laid (which nothing has happened like that in that case).
The thought of him playing these mind games, and toying with my emotions and playing hard to get makes me feel troubled and a bit disgusted. Disgusted in the sense that in today's society , all people do is think about themselves. They never think twice whether they're hurting others around them. All people want now a days , especially most guys I feel is that they just want to pleasure themselves and then once they have what they want , we girls are no longer interesting to them , and once that happens they'll just throw us to the curb.
For example today , I asked three of my guy friends if he would rather date one girl or two girls but without them knowing . All of them answered truthfully and said they would date two girls because of experience. It hurts personally for me to hear that cause how am I ever gonna trust a guy and know that he'll actually want me and love me. How am I gonna know that if he secretly misses the thought of being polygamous ...
And not being tied down ?
The views of marriage is rapidly changing to the point where there's a 50 percent divorce rate . It may even come to the point where in the future marriage is no longer signified for love but for "trial" and for "getting it in"
Should I not bother with relationships ? How do I know if a guy is genuinely sincere and wants something more ?
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This is just my opinion, but your friends do not represent the entire population of men. So just because you spoke to three guys who said that they would date two women at the same time, doesn't mean that every man in the world is trying to date two women. Personally, I would prefer to date one woman at a time because I can't spend money on two women at the same time and I don't feel like worrying about being caught or calling each girl the wrong name. THAT'S TOO MUCH.
So you like this guy, but he's not really trying to commit to anything. If you want him to commit to a relationship, let him know. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. I know that sounds cliche and cheesy, but it's the truth. If you ever want something to happen, you need to make it happen. Don't sit around waiting for this dude to make up his mind because you have other things you could be doing with your life instead of waiting on him. Let him know how you're feeling and see where that takes you.
And I know it seems like marriage is losing it's meaning nowadays, but just like I said about your three friends, every married couple on the face of the earth does not represent marriage for the world. They represent marriage for themselves because every marriage is not the same. Every marriage has its own meaning.
What that means is, if you marry someone for the wrong reasons (money, sex, looks, etc.), then your marriage is meaningless because you built your union on superficial things that will never last. But if you build your marriage on trust and love, then your marriage means something to you because love will last a lifetime.
I'm 18, so I'm not married. But I've been blessed to have two parents that have been together for 20+ years, so I know what true love looks like.
Well that's all the knowledge I have to offer. I just hope that I helped you, even just a little bit.
~Andrew~
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So my best friend (Let's just call her Lucy) and I have been close for nearly 5 months. It may not seem that long, but she means a lot to me. Well she recently moved to a different school a few weeks ago and came in contact with one of her old best friends (Let's call her Gina). Ever since she moved, Lucy has been telling other people and making statuses on Facebook and stuff like that saying Gina is her best friend and that she would die for her.
Well..... A few days ago, we got in a fight (Just a stupid tiny friend argument) and she started calling me names and stuff. Well she texted me recently and we had a good conversation and stuff, but I just don't want to lose her. Any advice please? (link)
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This is my opinion. I think just because she is with Gina more, doesn't mean that she has replaced you. People can have more than one best friend.
If you feel replaced by your best friend then you should tell her how you feel.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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Please my girlfriend is a virgin and is 19 years old.I wanted to have sex with her but she keep on telling me that she will not do it until we got married.How should I convince her to have sex with me (link)
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I'm sorry, but you're not going to get the answer that you want from here. YOU CAN NOT CONVINCE A GIRL TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Don't push her to compromise her values and beliefs.
Maybe you should wait also,
Andrew
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I am talking to a old flig i used to have 5 years ago.
We have been talking for about a month and the sparks are flying high for one another. A couple of days ago he had asked me for a picture, so i gave it to him. Yesterday he had asked me for another one, I said no because I had 0 and he had 1. He of course pleaded and begged me to give him one. So I asked for my friends advice and she said just to give him one. I ended up giving him 3 pictures b/c my friend said they all looked nice. I was waiting for him to give me one of him but he never did. that night he called me just wanting to talk. While we were on the phone he was texting someone, for some reason I have the feeling that he was texting another girl because what guy at night while he is talking to a girl be texting a guy? Am i right?! LOL
I pretended like it didn't bother me or i didn't notice. While i was on the phone with him all of the sudden it went silent like i was placed on hold...so i just hung up ...After my night shift ended and i was driving home thinking about what happened last night i feel like the idiot that gave him 4 pictures in total when i don't have any! and the texting thing while i was on the phone also bothers me....I'm so mad and so hurt that i just started to ignore him...well i guessed he noticed because now his text says why are you ignoring me? and idk what to say....any advice??
PLEASE HELP!!! :'( (link)
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Well, in my opinion,I don't think you should be with this guy. Sending pictures of yourself is very risky and you shouldn't send him pictures unless you know you're getting a picture back Dirty pictures, however, are a bit different. Kids aren't really supposed to send dirty pictures, but at the end of the day everyone makes their own decisions.
But back to your question, this guy sounds like a complete jerk. He asked you multiple times for pictures and you think he was texting while talking to you. If you want to still try and make this friendship or relationship work, then you need to tell him how you feel. Don't have all these suspicions and not get any answers for them. You deserve to know if he's fully committed to your friendship or relationship.
Well I hope this helps,
Andrew
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How to get a boy to fall in love with you (link)
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Be yourself. And be honest.
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hey drew .Iam a 15 year old girl from South Africa...I am not sure about who i am because i change at times .i have days when i feel great about myself than some days i hate myself.i usualy feel like i am a nobody and i just am not loved..i sometimes cry for nothing and even think iam useless expecially when i dont do quite well in a test at school or exam at school...what do you think is wrong with me and how can i fix this..please help (link)
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I'm glad you contacted me.
I think that you should talk to someone close to you like a friend or a family member. Alot of people feel like this sometimes.
I know I've had my moments when I just felt like some of the people I called my friends never really liked me. And believe me I've failed numerous tests. But you want to know what keeps me going?
Sure I may not be liked by some people but that's how the world is. Everybody won't like. But someone who I can rely on to always be there is God.
GOD LOVES YOU because his love is UNCONDITIONAL. There has never been a time where God made me feel useless. God made us in his own image, therefore we are like him a little bit.
Now I know you said that you have failed tests in school. Well if you want to pass the test, then you need to put forth the work and study for the test. I have to retake a class because I never studied. And a test DOES NOT DETERMINE WHO YOU ARE! Nothing can make you feel useless except for yourself. So what if someone says they hate you! You HAVE THE CHOICE to let that bother you or not. But no one can make you hate yourself except for you.
You have to wake up every morning not just knowing, but BELIEVING that you are LOVED by GOD who will NEVER stop loving you. If you don't know about God and Jesus Christ I encourage you to find out about them.
What I'm trying to say is...
if you don't want to feel worthless, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I am not worthless. No one can make me feel worthless because I am worth something to God." But in order for your words to be true you must believe them in your heart.
You must know that you are valuable in your heart and in your head.
I hope this helps. If you ever need any advice in the future or if I didn't really help you, just send me an email and let me know.
~Andrew~
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Hey im a 15 year old male and have been texting this girl for about 4 months.we've gone for walks and kissed 3 times but arent officially going out.i really really like her and she says she likes me too,but shes going away for 2 months now and i dont know what to do.i feel like theres nothing for me when shes not here and i need her company because it makes me so happy.i honestly dont think i can last 2 months without her.please help me is there anything i can do? (link)
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TELL HER THE TRUTH. Tell her that you like her otherwise she'll never know!
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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I'm a female, 16 years old. Me and my boyfriend(who's the same age as me) are both still virgins, we were talking about losing our virginity to each other. We're a little bit scared thou, and nervous, we don't wanna use a condom either Anyways, We love each other very much, we think it's time... I'm just a little nervous it might hurt. Ughh, should I wait ?
(link)
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Okay. First of all, to not use a condom is to have a death wish or to want to be pregnant. I don't care how in love you guys are. YOU NEED TO USE A CONDOM. I know you're probably thinking that it's just one time, but that's all it takes. ONE TIME to get PREGNANT,ONE TIME to get an STD, and/or ONE TIME to get AIDS. Trust me, NO ONE is immune to these consequences.
And the fact that the both of you are scared proves that you are not emotionally or physically ready to have sex. Sex was created for husband and wife, but I believe if you can't wait until marriage, at least wait until you're 18 and have a better understanding of love because your just 16.
EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP is going to be tested. The both of you are 16. What life changing experiences have you both gone into together and come out of together? To be honest, and I'm not trying to sound rude but, I think that you both are just in love with the idea of love. And that's okay sometimes but you have to differentiate between want you want to believe and the truth. Right now what you want to believe is that you and this guy are in love and are going to be together forever. But the truth is that the both of you are too young to have a serious and intimate relationship. I know I didn't answer your question but this is what you needed to hear.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
P.S. Using a condom doesn't mean that you don't love or trust your partner. Every person has a right to protect their lives and be safe.
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So I watch videos on Youtube, as we all do, but about things like debates. I end up commenting, and it ALWAYS turns into an argument.
People will begin personally attacking me, telling me to die etc.
I was wondering, at what point do I tell YouTube/report the user? (link)
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You tell youtube as soon as people start sending you death threats or and type of threat or verbal harrassment.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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I'm thinking of suicide. I have an amazing boyfriend but he doesn't know any of this. I really am depressed, and don't know what to do anymore. I'm 16 years old. I live with my mom, she doesn't really care for me, her boyfriend who i hate so much, he's always calling me names like the B' word, and a H** and always trying to yell at me, he used to molest me when i was like 10 years old, but i just thought he was playing a game with me. I've also been really stressed, and doing bad in school, i don't really show it cause i know no one would really care, other than my boyfriend. I was raped when i was 8 years old and i can still remember every detail and all. I just don't feel like i fit in, i have no friends, everyone just left me, i used to cut myself, I'm thinking of doing it again. I just don't wanna live anymore. My real dad died when i was only 3 years old, i have so much pain inside of me, i just wish I'd die now, right now, i can't take anything anymore, I'm scared.
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Ian' tell you how to get rid of the pain but I can assure you that suicide is NOT the answer!
The only way to deal with the pain you have inside is to tell somebody. LET IT OUT! You've been trying to go through life quietly and not saying how you feel and it hasn't worked out for you. Keeping things bottled up just causes more pain. It won't solve your problem and neither will suicide.
I that you need to talk to someone close to you and tell them how you are feeling. If you don't feel comfortable talking to family, then you can call this number: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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So, I'm 17/m and my 4 year girlfriend 17/f recently while we were making out and we do play and so she slipped her hand into pants and started playing with my dick and I felt good, but she wants me to go down on her and we are both virgins. So I've never had sex before and I'm a little nervous and on the fence about it but I really want to please my baby girl. So... I guess any tips on how to get her to achieve a really powerful orgy? How does one EAT a girl out? I googled it already but it wasn't too helpful. Any advice on great tricks to make her squirt and orgy really good? Thanks!
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If you're not ready than you don't have to do it. When you have sex for the first time, you want it to be out of love, not just as a way to relieve sexual tension.
I'm sorry if this doesn't answer your question.
~Andrew~
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So everyone says that your birthday should be one of the happiest days of the year for you. But not for me ever year just gets sadder and sadder and so much harder to deal with. My party was usually just one or two close friends hanging out but this year I couldn't even bare to do that. I mean birthdays are really for celebrating that you have been on the earth for another year. Also it's a point when most people look back on there lives and then look to there future. But both of those parts of a birthday make me feel miserable. The celebrating makes me feel outcasted kind of funny really being the outcast at your own party. Then the looking over of your life makes me realize how horrible my life is and how miserable my future will be. I look back and realize that anyone that I have loved has either left me or has ended up hurting me. Birthdays are really awkward in my family. No one in my family ever celebrates birthdays. I've never had a Birthday where people show up to my house at 12am and me blowing candles or people singing happy birthday around me.Last time I had that birthday was when I was 10. I've had a bad childhood. When I see other people celebrating their bday I just want kill myself. My suicidal thoughts are highest on my bday. (link)
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How do you even know that your future will be horrible? YOU DON'T!
I don't know what kind of birthdays you have, but when I celebrate my birthday I never think about the past. Instead I dream about my future. I never tell myself that my future is gonna suck because I control my future. And so do you.
If you think your future is gonna suck, then do something about it and fix it. You can't go through life felling sorry for yourself everytime you have a birthday because then you're just setting yourself up to fail.
Instead of throwing a party, why don't you just take yourself and a few friends to a club. Just do something instead of sitting around being miserable.
Your childhood may have been horrible, but you can't let it dictate how you live the rest of your life. Your childhood is in the past. LEAVE IT THERE. Don't let a bad childhood ruin your adulthood.
I don't know if this helps or not, but I just wanted to tell you what I felt you needed to hear.
~Andrew~
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Okay so a couple of weeks ago I was thinking that me and my crush were boyfriend and girlfriend but now he went and asked out another girl. I've tried everything but it's now working? Should I make him jealous and date someone else? I don't know!?!?! (link)
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If this boy liked you, he wouldn't have left you. And to be honest, from what you wrote it sounds like he had no idea you two were dating. What might have been "dating" to you, was probably "hanging out" to him. I don't believe in dating other people to make someone else jealous because it's not fair to the poor person that you decide to "fake date" because you roped them into your drama and took advantage of their feelings for you, so making your crush jealous should not be an option.
I think the best thing for you is to just move on with your life or let your crush know how you feel in private. If he decides to stay with his new girlfriend, then you just continue with your life. You'll find the right guy eventually.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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i ran away and i need help im sad and im 13 i dont know wat to do (link)
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I wish you would have mentioned why you ran away so I could try my best to help. I do recommend that you call a run away hotline and see if they can help.
If you need someone to talk to, my email is on my Advice Column profile.
~Andrew~
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I need to have a girl friend. I'm 12 can you help me? (link)
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I agree with Dragonflymagic. There is a difference between want and need. It's okay to want a girlfriend. But if you don't want a girlfriend but you feel like you need one to prove something, then you should re-think your decision.
But I'm pretty sure when you wrote your question you meant that you really want a girlfriend and you want to know how to get one. Well the best way to get a girlfriend is to just be yourself. Show her the real you. Try to be her friend and get to know her first before you ask her out. Alot of people make the mistake of asking someone out or dating someone only to find out they have nothing in common. That's why it's important to get to KNOW SOMEONE FIRST BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO DATE THEM.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
P.S. Girls like guys with good hygiene.
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Do boys talk about girl?
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Yes. All the time.
I hope this helped.
~Andrew~
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Hi! So I'm 14yr guy and at my school, there's a girl in my grade who ALL the guys would DIE to have her alone for 10 minutes. She's absolutely stunning. Let's call her... Maddie So Maddie the other day, was apparently doing something that was turning all o my friends on. And she came over to our table Sat in my lap and started kissing on my neck and ear. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy that, but I have a girlfriend who I (I'm a little young to really call it love) deeply care for. But all the guys at my school tell me i should dump my gf and date Maddie. Now I will , Maddie is prettier then my grade But she's a complete bi#ch (unlike my gf) . So how can I tell her I don like her without upsetting her (I'm NOT gonna be a heartbreaker) and without pissing my friends off? I'm not dumping my GF.
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Just tell Maddie the truth. YOU DON'T LIKE HER. Plain and simple. And so what if your friends get upset. THEY DON"T CONTROL YOU. Don't give in to peer pressure.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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Me and my girl friend have been on and off for about seven months now but were currently on a firm relationship but lots of guys usually flirt with her and i do have a bit of an anger problem so usually i just walk out of the room quick and calm myself down, but what pisses me off the most is that she acts like she likes it and i don't want to be mean because some of the people that flirt with her are my friends. I do push them away but not all the time because i don't want to seem overprotective. I trust her but every man has his limits ya know. I just don't know what to do anymore. Help? (link)
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We this is where trust is important in a relationship. You have to TRUST that she loves you the way you love her and that she would never do anything to hurt you. And your reaction when other men flirt with her is normal. You're a man and you don't like other men trying to take something or someone that you deserve away from you. But the next time you find yourself getting angry, remember this: YOU GOT THE GIRL!
No guy can just take your place as her boyfriend with just a few pick up lines.
And if your girlfriend is acting like she likes it, then you should calmly and rationally talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. Women are amazing and mysterious at the same time, but they're not mind-readers. You have to talk to your girlfriend to let her know how you feel.
And another thing. If your friends are constantly hitting on her, then you should talk to them, set some boundaries and most importantly, encourage them to get their own girlfriends. You have to be really lonely or really unfaithful to hit on your best friend's girl.
I hope this helped.
~Andrew~
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I'm 18 years old and already feel like a failure.. I went to college for a year and studied Performing Arts but only came out with a certificate due to personal reasons. I also have a certificate in Health and Social from when I studied it at School/College. I'm not doing anything atm.. Work/School/College and I feel like I'm not going anywhere in life.. My sister has recently been trying to get be back into college for a Social Working course as that would of been my second option after acting. But I just can't seem to put the effort in! I feel so stupid compare to everyone else.. She's so clever and I'm clearly not. Plus, I've always wanted to do acting and finally got into a College for it again but didn't attend to course due to religion. Acting isn't an option anymore but every other career path seems worthless. I've always set my self up to become someone and now I just feel like I'm not gonna get anywhere in life! I don't one be known as one of those people that didn't do anything.
I would be grateful for any advice..
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The best way to fix your problem is to stop crying about it and do it! Your LOVE is acting! SO DO IT! You are making yourself miserable because YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING YOUR DREAM.
Get up, Go back to college, And you go get your dream.
No one can ever make you feel WORTHLESS except for you. No can ever keep you from REACHING your goals except for you. So take "you" out of the way and start believing in yourself again because you can do this. You just need to have faith and patience.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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