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Am I ready to lose it ?
I'm a female, 16 years old. Me and my boyfriend(who's the same age as me) are both still virgins, we were talking about losing our virginity to each other. We're a little bit scared thou, and nervous, we don't wanna use a condom either Anyways, We love each other very much, we think it's time... I'm just a little nervous it might hurt. Ughh, should I wait ?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
You may not want to hear this but my advice is to wait. I don't mean wait until your 18, or 20 or even 21. I mean wait until you are married. Sex before marriage is a mistake. Remeber that you can always have your virginity but once you lose it, you will never get it back. It may be hard to understand why, but do not have sex until you are married. When you are married to that man, having sex becomes special and that moment will be a tender moment between you and the man that you have given your eternal vows to. Let me say it like this. You say that you and your boyfriend are in love. If he truly loves you, than he can wait until that day when he decides to spend the rest of his life with you. Sometimes we have to wait to get the best things in life. So right now focus on graduating, going to college, getting a career, find your true self before you give up something so important to you. Trust me if you and your boyfriend are meant to be, you both will find a way back to each other. And when that day comes, you will be more than glad that you waited. To sum it all up, True Love Waits.
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Do you see Drew below me?
Drew is an idiot.
Adviceman a little less so but still sets my teeth on edge.
So here is how a real adult deals with sex in the real world today.
First, pregnancy is your primary concern. An unplanned baby is worse than an STD. It throws a third life in to be affected by whatever happens and teenaged pregnancy makes it ten times worse.
Get.On.Birth.Control. Period. If you are old enough to have sex you are old enough to go see a gynecologist. Go see one. Get a pelvic exam. Get a birth control prescription.
If you decide to have sex before birth control, do not have sex without a condom. Period. End of story.
Condoms are not enough. They break, things happen. What then? Second line of defense is spermicide. In the condom aisle, VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. It's easy to use, the instructions are on the box, and you can use it in conjunction with latex condoms. If used properly its something like 85% effective at preventing pregnancy alone. Condoms don't break often. A rare condom break with that 85% effective buffer afterwards, pregnancy is highly unlikely.
Next, your cycle. You ovulate generally 11-14 days after the end of your last period. Sex could potentially get you pregnant anywhere from 2 days before your ovulation to during the middle of your period, and that's with a very regular ovulation cycle. Women's cycles do funny things sometimes, so that's never 100% guaranteed.
Generally, though, the week after your period is the safest time. Condom and spermicide and you should be fine.
If a condom breaks after you've ovulated, you probably want to get plan B just in case. It's expensive, so be careful. You should be able to buy it over the counter at a pharmacy.
Now, STDs.
If he really is a virgin you have nothing to worry about. If he has had sexual activity with anyone else, even just touching, they are a possibility.
Responsible adults address even slight possibilities. If he has been sexually active with anyone else, oral, hands, whatever, go get tested. Going together is important, even if you really are a virgin. It's solidarity. Don't ask anything of someone sexually you wouldn't do yourself. So get tested together.
If you really are both virgins and you are on birth control and take it responsibly without missing days, go hog wild. Few adults in monogamous relationships use condoms together. And the rest of us look at them like they're a little "special"
People use birth control, get tested, and have fun. And they use condoms with new partners or with partners who have had recent sexual activity with other people where it might be too soon to tell if they have something. Three months is pretty standard and six months to be safe. If it's testable it shows up after six months and if it's not (herpes, generally) there will be at least one outbreak by the six month mark.
If they've had sex with someone else in the last six months, at the three month mark you're taking a risk but not a huge one. At the six month mark you should be able to know for absolute certain if they have anything they can give to you.
The thing to remember here is that you are always taking a chance, but it is possible to reduce those chances to the point that nothing bad ever happens.
I've had alot of sex in my life. I'm 28, I've had 25 partners, and I never wore a condom once with many of them. We got tested, I knew their sexual history, they were on birth control, and we made sure that we were responsible at all times.
My first kid was at 27, to a woman I'd been married to for 2 years. I've never had an STD.
Sex isn't something to be afraid of, but you have to educate yourself and know the risks and how to minimize them. The STD risk you can zero out. Pregnancy is always a risk. That's just how it goes. But you can make it a one in a million chance.
Last word, no, you are not ready. If you're here asking us, you are not ready. You are ready when you don't need to ask anyone. When it is a decision that you want to make and then you go ahead and make it. You've got the rest of your ducks in a row. Boyfriend, communicating about sex before you have it, love, agreement. All of the above are great, you're miles ahead of 90% of your peer group. That is how you deal with sex in a relationship. You talk about it, figure it out together, and go into whatever you do equal partners. You just need to grow up a little yourself and realize that the adult world is about making your own decisions and living with the consequences, good or bad.
Make responsible choices. Protect yourself and your partner. And when you're ready, enjoy it. It's one of the best things life has to offer you.
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Okay. First of all, to not use a condom is to have a death wish or to want to be pregnant. I don't care how in love you guys are. YOU NEED TO USE A CONDOM. I know you're probably thinking that it's just one time, but that's all it takes. ONE TIME to get PREGNANT,ONE TIME to get an STD, and/or ONE TIME to get AIDS. Trust me, NO ONE is immune to these consequences.
And the fact that the both of you are scared proves that you are not emotionally or physically ready to have sex. Sex was created for husband and wife, but I believe if you can't wait until marriage, at least wait until you're 18 and have a better understanding of love because your just 16.
EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP is going to be tested. The both of you are 16. What life changing experiences have you both gone into together and come out of together? To be honest, and I'm not trying to sound rude but, I think that you both are just in love with the idea of love. And that's okay sometimes but you have to differentiate between want you want to believe and the truth. Right now what you want to believe is that you and this guy are in love and are going to be together forever. But the truth is that the both of you are too young to have a serious and intimate relationship. I know I didn't answer your question but this is what you needed to hear.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
P.S. Using a condom doesn't mean that you don't love or trust your partner. Every person has a right to protect their lives and be safe.
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At the end I will include a link to a site you should look at to decide if you're ready. I found this site some time ago when I first saw this same question. I have given this link to many young women since then and they have written back to thank me as they have found it answered all their questions as to "AM I Ready>"
To be honest with you the fact that you are writing to us tells me you have reservations about having sex. For good reasons too.
First: Having sex without using birth control is like playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver. Contrary to what you might have heard you can get pregnant the first time you have sex. You should be on birth control and the boy should, make that must wear a condom.
The fact that you are 16 means a Federal Law called HIPPA gives you medical Confidentiality over your reproductive system. This means you can see a doctor for anything related to your reproductive system including requesting birth control without parental permission or consent.
Second: It is going to hurt. Why? While you may have the body of an adult female. Your body is still maturing, this includes you vagina. If you have trouble inserting a tampon or cannot insert a tampon how to you expect a boys penis to fit in you without a great deal of pain.
Fact is that when your body is ready for sex your vagina will stretch to accommodate a penis with little or no pain. The only pain you should feel is the tearing of you Hymen if still intact. How much pain you will feel differs from women to women as each person feels pain differently. Measured on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain. Tearing of the Hymen should fall at about a 3 or 4.
Having sex without using a condom is very risky. First you are the one who is going to get pregnant not the boy. You are the one that has to tell her parents she is pregnant. You are the one who has to decide to have the baby or an abortion and only you under the HIPPA law can make that choice. Your parents cannot force that choice on you. You are the one that stands to be an unwed mother trying to complete high school and college while possible raising a child. The boy for the most part gets of Scott free. When he is 18 you can petition the court for child support from him.
Will you get pregnant if you have sex without at least using a condom. The chances are just not in your favor. Condoms have an 85% effective rate at preventing pregnancy.
Please think about what I have written while reviewing the information in the following link.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
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Well you'll know when you are ready to have sex.
To know for sure if you're ready, you won't be doubting it and you'll feel comfortable.
You love him and feel comfortable with him.
You'll have all the right protection. So you'll use condoms and be on birth control. For obvious reasons because you don't want to get pregnant at 16 or get any STDs.
You're still young, so you don't need to rush it. I'm sure you already know this but you don't want to make a mistake or have anything go wrong.
And I'm also wondering why you don't want to use a condom. I mean even if you're on birth control, you can still get pregnant. It's not all 100% protective.
Anyways, it will hurt, especially since you're 16 and you're body isn't finished growing.
My advice would be to wait. Only because you're still nervous and scared. When you're ready, you won't be nervous or scared. You'll also be totally protected because you don't want something to happen.
So be careful and use condoms.
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Its a personal decision. You must use your own judgement to decide if its the right time and the right person. I would recommend using a condom for safety reasons. You wouldn't want to get pregnant and also you wouldn't want to receive a STD.
I know most teens your age have lost their virginity and you probably want to see what its like. But you need to make sure you are safe while having sexual encounters. You are ultimately the person in charge of your own happiness and your body. You have plenty of time to wait until you're totally sure about it. Good luck :)
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