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Relationships being outdated ?
So there's this guy that I liked. Long story short, he called me hot, I asked him if we could hang out and he said he would if he could but I shouldn't count on it. For the most part, my relationship with this guy has been flirty yet non flirty at the same time. It is always contradicting. I feel like he does find me attractive but yet he'll keep at least an arms length away. Like he likes to have the idea of me on the side, and wants to get laid (which nothing has happened like that in that case).
The thought of him playing these mind games, and toying with my emotions and playing hard to get makes me feel troubled and a bit disgusted. Disgusted in the sense that in today's society , all people do is think about themselves. They never think twice whether they're hurting others around them. All people want now a days , especially most guys I feel is that they just want to pleasure themselves and then once they have what they want , we girls are no longer interesting to them , and once that happens they'll just throw us to the curb.
For example today , I asked three of my guy friends if he would rather date one girl or two girls but without them knowing . All of them answered truthfully and said they would date two girls because of experience. It hurts personally for me to hear that cause how am I ever gonna trust a guy and know that he'll actually want me and love me. How am I gonna know that if he secretly misses the thought of being polygamous ...
And not being tied down ?
The views of marriage is rapidly changing to the point where there's a 50 percent divorce rate . It may even come to the point where in the future marriage is no longer signified for love but for "trial" and for "getting it in"
Should I not bother with relationships ? How do I know if a guy is genuinely sincere and wants something more ?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Just because a guy pays you a compliment by saying you are hot, as much as he might be thinking about sex doesnt mean he necessarily wants to have any kind of relationship and work towards having sex too. If a male were to "hang out" with every girl he thought was 'hot looking', he'd have to spread himself so thin that he'd be no thicker than a sheet of paper. A little humor but seriously, he'd not have the amount of hours in a day to do so with all those women.
If a man pays you a compliment, what might be better to respond with is a simple "Thank you" rather than "Could we hang out?" That makes you sound desperate for a guy. Guys that are worth having for a boyfriend or life partner are not going to be attracted to desperate women.
Dating and 'being in a relationship' are two different things. Young people these days don't always realize that and if they do, they used terms that don't always share exactly what they meant.
Dating is spending time with a person to get to know more about them, to discover if you really are interested enough to get into a relationship with them. When a person can date several people at the same time, they are still hunting for the right one and keeping their options open until they find someone they are still attracted to after they get to know them better. Then once they find that person, they get into a relationship with them which is also called dating but at this stage it should be considered a committed relationship for however long that relationship goesUntil a guy gets to the point of dating for the experience to learnto this point .
Your male friends took the options you gave them without putting forth the effort to re-word them or explain theirselves. So I can't say what their core beliefs are. If I were single and you asked me, a female if I would rather date one guy or several at the same time but not tell them...my answer would be I would rather date several at once but be up front and tell each of them I am doing so.
I have actually done this dear. When I was divorced, I knew I wanted to find the right man to be in a long term relationship with. The way to do that is to spend enough time with each of your prospects to sample each of them enough to make a decision who you wanted to begin a dating relationship with. Agreeing to hang out with or go on scheduled dates with a guy did not mean I was promising to a committment to that guy.
If there was only one prospect at the time, I still told him that I was in the mode of dating around as I met other guys (through a dating site) and as soon as I made my decision who was the best guy for me, I would let him know if it was him or not. Never once did I have a guy not be okay with this arrangement. It makes sense to them and is what they would probably do. The only difference, is they might not be up front and tell a female that they were currently dating around is for fear of the unrealistic expectations and resulting dramatics on her part. Women do cause more of their problems with guys than they realize.
Your expectations and ideals in dating may be what keeps a guy from being willing to even date you let alone get into a relationship with you. You don't give your age so either you are very young or just haven't yet much relationship experience yet.
Should you not bother with relationships? Thats entirely up to you. I get the impression that you really deep inside want a meaningful relationship with a man who is truly in love with you and proves it by his actions, through how he treats you. So how do you get good at finding the right guy? Same way you get good at anything, by learning, studying , practicing. So get some youtube videos up that help teach a female what it is that attracts a guy, what to do to get the guy, what not to do when dating. I have watched so many. Some are hilarious but get their point across and others are practical advice. You will want to check out what male dating experts have to tell the females from the males perspective. Part of your success will come from understanding a man better and part from what not to do, and what attracts men to women. Although they like a gal with pleasant looks, in the end its not looks that win over a guy, its confidence. If you can't find good videos to watch, ask me and I will provide some for you. But you must go first to my column and write to me from there or I can't respond if you ask in the comments rating section.
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This is just my opinion, but your friends do not represent the entire population of men. So just because you spoke to three guys who said that they would date two women at the same time, doesn't mean that every man in the world is trying to date two women. Personally, I would prefer to date one woman at a time because I can't spend money on two women at the same time and I don't feel like worrying about being caught or calling each girl the wrong name. THAT'S TOO MUCH.
So you like this guy, but he's not really trying to commit to anything. If you want him to commit to a relationship, let him know. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. I know that sounds cliche and cheesy, but it's the truth. If you ever want something to happen, you need to make it happen. Don't sit around waiting for this dude to make up his mind because you have other things you could be doing with your life instead of waiting on him. Let him know how you're feeling and see where that takes you.
And I know it seems like marriage is losing it's meaning nowadays, but just like I said about your three friends, every married couple on the face of the earth does not represent marriage for the world. They represent marriage for themselves because every marriage is not the same. Every marriage has its own meaning.
What that means is, if you marry someone for the wrong reasons (money, sex, looks, etc.), then your marriage is meaningless because you built your union on superficial things that will never last. But if you build your marriage on trust and love, then your marriage means something to you because love will last a lifetime.
I'm 18, so I'm not married. But I've been blessed to have two parents that have been together for 20+ years, so I know what true love looks like.
Well that's all the knowledge I have to offer. I just hope that I helped you, even just a little bit.
~Andrew~
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