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Birthday Blues!!!!!!
So everyone says that your birthday should be one of the happiest days of the year for you. But not for me ever year just gets sadder and sadder and so much harder to deal with. My party was usually just one or two close friends hanging out but this year I couldn't even bare to do that. I mean birthdays are really for celebrating that you have been on the earth for another year. Also it's a point when most people look back on there lives and then look to there future. But both of those parts of a birthday make me feel miserable. The celebrating makes me feel outcasted kind of funny really being the outcast at your own party. Then the looking over of your life makes me realize how horrible my life is and how miserable my future will be. I look back and realize that anyone that I have loved has either left me or has ended up hurting me. Birthdays are really awkward in my family. No one in my family ever celebrates birthdays. I've never had a Birthday where people show up to my house at 12am and me blowing candles or people singing happy birthday around me.Last time I had that birthday was when I was 10. I've had a bad childhood. When I see other people celebrating their bday I just want kill myself. My suicidal thoughts are highest on my bday.
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Your not the only one, Birthdays are not fun for a lot of people.
I am in my late 20's and although I am relatively young, I don't always look forward to getting older but it happens and it's life.
Stop dwelling on how your birthday is awful as clearly you are suffering from depression and need to see a therapist. I put money down that you wouldn't be this miserable if you seek the proper help and get on some medication.
Like Rahzie said, Your birthday is the least of your problem.
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You need to take some control over this.
I also don't enjoy my birthdays. When I was very young a good friend passed away on my birthday, so most of my childhood birthdays went like this "Hey Happy Birthday... Do you remember Adam? That was soooo sad."
And it was sad. So I stopped celebrating my birthday.
Instead I'd treat myself to manicure. I'd watch a movie and relax on my own. I'd take some time to enjoy myself without stress or guilt.
So stop mooping about what your birthday hasn't been or won't be, and try to think of a way to spend a day that makes you happy and doesn't require a single other person on a planet. The surest way to be happy is to decide to be, and provide it for yourself. You can't always look to the world to deliver - even tho it's nice when it happens - it has to be something you can manage for yourself.
And talk to a therapist about your struggles with depression. Your birthday isn't the big problem here - Your mental health is. Your unhappiness about birthdays is a symptom of your poor mental health.
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Do you get help for your suicidal thoughts? If not, then you need to go deal with that right now. You should talk to someone and get help.
Right now, you also need to work on being more positive. So you had a bad childhood, that's your childhood, leave it there. You don't know how your future will look, and that's the good part. You get to control your future. You're choosing your future to be horrible. You can also choose to be happy. I'm sure you have lots of be grateful for and lots of things you can do in the future.
My family doesn't do much for birthdays. I've had 2 birthday parties. I've known people who never had birthday parties too.
Honestly, this is how you are choosing to think.
Your depression is probably getting to the best of you and that's why I think you need to go talk to someone about this. You are in control of your life. If you are choosing to be sad and feel sorry for your life then that's how it's going to be till you decide to stop.
So go talk to someone and get help. If you are getting help, you still need to talk to a counselor or therapist and let them know about this.
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How do you even know that your future will be horrible? YOU DON'T!
I don't know what kind of birthdays you have, but when I celebrate my birthday I never think about the past. Instead I dream about my future. I never tell myself that my future is gonna suck because I control my future. And so do you.
If you think your future is gonna suck, then do something about it and fix it. You can't go through life felling sorry for yourself everytime you have a birthday because then you're just setting yourself up to fail.
Instead of throwing a party, why don't you just take yourself and a few friends to a club. Just do something instead of sitting around being miserable.
Your childhood may have been horrible, but you can't let it dictate how you live the rest of your life. Your childhood is in the past. LEAVE IT THERE. Don't let a bad childhood ruin your adulthood.
I don't know if this helps or not, but I just wanted to tell you what I felt you needed to hear.
~Andrew~
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