Count yourself lucky...better yet, give yourself credit for doing the right thing. You dodged a major bullet by finding out about the girlfriend before you got played. This is good experience to have and get away with unscathed. Precisely why your mother and other wise women know to go slow and stay in control of the situation and get to really know someone before getting involved emotionally and physically. He is just one jerk in a sea of jerks...now you have a little better sense of what to avoid in the future. If you had jumped into the sack with him the gym would probably be abuzz with that info. but you didn't, so there is really nothing for them to gossip about, so don't "sweat it."

I agree that any journal should be free-flowing and not structured. You may have to let go of your need to control and manage everything in order to do this...maybe this is part of your learning. Bless you on your journey.

Go at your own pace and do what you want to. There are no rules except to live by your own standards and be honest about who you are and what you want. You don't need to be committing yourself to a guy just because he wants to, and you don't owe him a detailed explanation. At your very young age you should not be having a serious or physical relationship past kissing or holding hands anyway. A dating relationship needs to be casual and fun. A lot of guys will tell you they love you and other crap just to get in your pants, so until you are much older and ready, make sure to let them know you are not stupid.

Yeah this happens a lot. Home life sucks, so you move out or escape to whatever you can, only to find you have traded one crappy situation for another. This is a common mistake. Leave if you are not safe at home, but keep your options open. Moving in with a boyfriend is usually a mistake, especially in your situation. Can you do anything to take yourself out of the stress at home without leaving until you can really be independent? Maybe planning to move in with a girl friend would be wiser and more satisfactory long-term. You won't lose your parents for life...that is silly. People get over things. Live at peace wherever you are...don't engage in fighting, take yourself out of the circle of arguments, and talk to your school counselor for sage advice.

Fashion is often inspired by art which is inspired from nature. Look to both of these areas...seashells, colors of the sunset, tree bark, anything that energizes and calls to you will work for you. Don't be afraid to share your passion..involve friends whom you admire to join your pursuits. Creativity often happens when the sparks fly from two souls dashing about ideas and dreams. Good luck!

Two is my favorite number.


What we won't do for love...but would they do it back for us? Now I believe you knew it was a little sneaky and that your Dad would not approve when you did it...hence the secrecy. Lies only make it worse. Your Dad is not the selfish one here, you are. You used it to impress a guy...someone you will not even like a year from now..maybe a lot sooner. Be honest about your transgression with your Dad. He deserves it. Growing up is about learning to do the right thing even when it is scary. You will respect yourself a whole lot more when you tell the truth and live the truth. Overall this is a tiny boo-boo, but a good time to learn this valuable lesson. Make sure and tell your parents you finally get that and they will be more understanding.

Yes, I think I know the feeling. You have been through a major loss and it feels like a death, like part of you was ripped out. This will pass and you will move on. Believe that every moment is a new moment and a new beginning. You will have many more opportunities for love, but only when you are able to let the image of what was slip away. Get outside and walk in the fresh air and sunshine. Go see a friend. Adopt a pet. Do something nice for someone less fortunate. These things help our hearts heal and bring oxygen to your soul, which needs your love and attention right now. Focus on your love for others and for your own well-being everyday. Bless you on your journey.

Yeah I remember Dr. Laura saying that, too. Well, every situation is different and this was a recent event, not something in the past which is what Dr. Laura was saying about something long ago not needing to be dug up years later. It is your burden to bear, however your wife already knows about the affair, just not the details. This means, you have to lie to her if she asks about it directly in order to keep your secret. I don't think that is what Dr. Laura meant at all, do you? It is normal that you both are a wreck, but people survive far worse. Are you really protecting her or yourself here? I don't know what "unstable" really means in your assessment of her. One third of marriages survive infidelity, so your fears are not illogical, but not a certainty either. I want you to do at least three things whether or not you tell your wife. First, get a full panel of sexual disease screening. Do this because you love your wife and her health. Even if you had safe sex, because nothing is 100%. Refrain from sex with your wife until the results are in and you know it is good. Second, go to therapy. Tell your therapist everything in private. Later you and your therapist can decide when and if to ever tell your wife. She will probably enter into therapy with you after a few sessions. Third, do not have any and I mean any contact with the other woman...hopefully she won't come knocking on your door to report a pregnancy. Everyone makes mistakes and you are human. You can learn from this and move on, but not unless you deal with it.

I did something similar in highschool...except I invited people of all faiths or just anyone interested. It is definately more educational and interesting to have a variety of people and beliefs, and could be a wonderful experience for you as well. Whatever you decide, remember as moderator your job is to keep a peaceful and open environment where the goal is to learn not to judge. No two people will agree on everything, unless they are in a cult, so let disagreements have a place alongside agreements. Bless you on your journey.

Update***
So, "any advice at all?" is what you asked for but was not what you wanted? If you are looking for a step by step manual on the art of physical affection, I feel sorry for you.
-------------------------------------------------

Kissing is awesome and you should be kissing lots of people and enjoying it. In fact, I would say it is more important to master this skill and really know how to bring it, before attempting any other sexual act. A person can be known through their kiss. Kisses are very telling, so learn to talk and listen to them. Don't waste time on potential lovers that don't pass the kissing test. Bad kisser equals bad lover in almost every case.

You are too young to get married. I don't care what your signs are, you need to be an adult who knows who she is before you give up your self to another in Holy Matrimony. Marriage is about self-sacrifice and losing. Most people won't tell you that, but I make it a habit to be truthful. I would love to see you happily married if that makes you happy, but the facts are not in your favor yet. Learn and grow together without grasping for a piece of paper to convince yourselves or others of your love.

Updated**
I am glad to help. The truth is always subjective and from the tiny glimpse I have of your perception of the problem, I am limited in my advice. However, it is obvious that you take that knowledge with the grain of salt and do the best you can. All of life is flawed, but for the creative, it is all useable. I have no doubt that you will do well and flourish. -------------------------------------------------------




I want to scream. Okay, I took a deep breath instead. What the heck does a "strong" Christian family mean? Why doesn't anyone ever say a "brainwashed" or "sexist" or "narrow-minded" or "strict" or "psycho" Christian family?...which would be closer to the factual truth in most cases. And why do people "receive prophecy" about everyone else but themselves...oh sister Mary, God told me he wants you to start dressing sexier or to go learn to sew. Be aware of these so-called "prophecies" that are used to control people. It is like owning your own Chinese Fortune Cookie Bakery and writing out the little fortune papers yourself and then pretending they are true for those that read them. Now for the tongues crap. The Bible does not require you to speak in tongues. Tongues is the least of any of the gifts given in the Bible...read up on it and you will see I am correct. Tongues in the Bible was not gibbly-gook nonsense, but real foreign languages! So, don't be impressed by "Hooba-Wabotho-shimmdigitty" unless it is real Korean or German or ancient Hebrew for example and can be accurately and immediately translated as such. This speaking in tongues crap is about impressing one another in the spirit of ignorance, not in the Holy Spirit. Oh now about touching your own body and the guilt. Well, your zealous family has really done their job if you feel guilty about feeling good. Yikes! Feel guilty about starving children or being a Republican, but not about touching your own body and feeling exactly the way God designed you to feel when God made you..."He" (for the sake of another arguement)made every part of you, so be grateful for your body and your nerve endings...that is not your "main problem." Your main problem is that your family is going to try to control every single part of your life and thoughts and feelings from birth to death. Don't let them.

There are some websites where you can go to test your psychic and telekinetic and every other ic ability. True gifts are things that you don't really have to seek out...they find you. Don't waste time on things you are not. Invest in magnifying your strengths...whatever those are.

What do you believe about God, that you actually think he has to be in hearing distance physically to your vocal chords? What if you whisper? Can he hear it? Does shouting a prayer hurt his ears? I think you need to investigate the idea of God you have and why you have it. God is spirit according to the Bible and everywhere...omnipresent. Prayer is also about listening to God's voice and not just a one way telling God what you want. God is not Jack in the Box. As a self-proclaiming follower of Christ, you should learn more and theorize less.

I heard you say you like him, but not love him. Does that matter to you? I really believe that it is better when you are in love with someone and it is mutual without a doubt. You only have one first, and you will never forget it. Make it what you want it to be. Don't ever settle for less. Better things come to those who wait...you can't rush it if you want the best.

Yeah that sucks...but you are not alone. Many of us survive that crap and a lot worse. Don't give up. If there is any abuse in this household, you must report it immediately and not take it. Some crying and being angry is normal and productive. It lets you release stress and helps motivate change in one's life. Stay on what your doctor prescribes, but keep talking to your doctor about what is going on in the home...every detail affecting your emotions and self-esteem. Tell your Dad and step-mom how you feel and how they are hurting you. Ask them to take you to counseling both for yourself and as a family. Maybe your doctor could suggest this to them for you. We all have struggles and feel not good enough sometimes and it does suck. There opinions do hurt, but they are not the truth, only perceptions that are limited and flawed. You have the real truth inside of you and you can live out the truth of who you are without approval when you learn to approve of yourself. Some people can never ever be pleased and they dangle their approval on a string in front of you all the time, just to play with your emotions. Don't let them do it anymore. Be proud of yourself and do things in your life that you know are good and worthy of approval for yourself. This is your life and you will accomplish your own goals when you find that it is not about them.

Copping a feel is not about respect. Liking you usually means different things to a guy than a girl. Drinking does lower inhibitions, like logic and wisdom, not to mention fear of natural consequences in most people. That is why we love it first and hate it afterwards. The bigger question is why do you think a guy has to be drunk to dig you? If he is going about putting his arms on lots of girls, then he might be just flirty or looking to score. Why bother with that kind of guy unless you are the same kind of girl. To have any other expectations of him will only lead to heartache.

Emailing does not equal cheating. Keep your options open. You are not married for goodness sake! Why are girls always so in a hurry to tie themselves in knots for a guy they just met who probably has three other girls on his mind every day? Have some fun and keep it really simple. You are really young and not likely to wed the next 300 or so guys you have crushes on in the next ten years anyway. Fun!

***Update***
Well, the truth hurts and I obviously struck the right nerve with you. The fact that you say are unhappy is telling. So, is the fact that you said that your own empathy level is abnormally high..making yourself sick. I gave you very truthful and helpful advice, but clearly you were looking for something else. You will continue to be unhappy until you open your mind...until then you will choose, yes, choose to be offended by anyone who does not cater to your narrow mindedness. Being a "Christian" is not about being easily offended. That is your own issue, so quit blaming your religion and your God for your insecurities. BTW, I did not lump in your husband with your early boyfriends as "childsplay"...you did. That is also very telling. My advice from here is to see a good counselor.
Good luck.-------------------------------------------


Running on empty? Emotionally drained? It happens when you are a big hearted individual who is practically breathing for everyone else and not spending time even figuring out what would make yourself happy. How can a man ever make you happy when you don't know yourself? Take a holiday from giving to others and feeling other's pain....believe me the misery will be there for you when you want to take it up again. You are a young college student who is in a really great time of life to begin finding out what you are all about and what potential you have. The boyfriends that have come and gone in this very early part of your life are just child's play my dear...stop feeling guilty over everthing and everyone that you could not save! You are not God, and life is hard enough without crucifying yourself with those expectations. Give yourself some credit...life is not black and white and some of your decisions have probably been very smart ones anyway. Find your power. Find it in your own pain and not in others. Take control of your own pain and prescribe for yourself the good medicine you need...self love and faith in yourself. I have been where you are now...the twenties can be exciting and scary...you will find your voice. Let your world quiet down around you long enough to hear that small voice you have been ignoring for so long. Let HER speak and listen.

Porn viewing requires no brain and the more selfish and immature a guy is, the more likely he will be drawn to the porn for the fantasy. Basically, it is his drug of choice, which offers cheap and quick thrills which he tries to believe will have no negative effects on his life, even when the facts confirm them. He is already lying and trying to manipulate you into accepting his lust for porn. This is the crap about it making sex better for you, and he is hoping you are stupid enough to buy into it. Sex is about more than his cum. This is the hard truth to swallow...pun intended. If he does not know that, you are probably not having great sex like you deserve anyway. You can't change him and he can't change you. If you give him an ultimatum he will choose the porn most likely, because he has already demonstrated that it is more important to him than your feelings. When he does this, you can leave him, knowing that you are now free to be loved and appreciated for the first time in three long years. You will find someone who values you more than a porn addiction. This is not to say it will be easy at first, but it will be easier in the long run.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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