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Porno
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. He likes to watch pornos and jerk off to them every once in a while ..he says it will enhance our sex life because he can last longer in bed if he jerks off in between us having sex. I understand that, however, I am highly uncomfortable with him watching pornos. I have never liked it, and even though he does, the fact that hes cumming to another girl basically really just rubs me the wrong way. We've been arguing about it lately. Am I wrong??
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You aren't wrong... But I don't think that he is wrong either.
The truth is... Most men masturbate. Most men own pornography. Doesn't matter if they are in a healthy relationship with a satisfactory sex-life either. And most of the time... This behavior is healthy and does not impact their relationships.
Problems arise when women fail to understand that this behavior is not a personal reflection of themselves. (Understand that I am NOT attempting to invalidate your feelings, insult your intelligence, or accusing you of being insensitive.) Women have a difficult time understanding such because men and women view love and sex very differently... And most women assume otherwise. For women... Love and sex are connected. For men... Love and sex can be connected in a relationship but can also be easily separated outside of relationships. One is not better than the other. One is not right and the other wrong. We're just different. You can thank the primitive, human brain and social programming.
Unless your boyfriend suffers from some sort of sexual addiction, or perverse complex... I don't believe that his behavior has any bearing on your relationship. Furthermore, I believe that it would be unfair to ask him to give up masterbating and/or pornography.
Now... You are allowed to feel uncomfortable. But instead of giving ultimatums and arguing... I really believe that it would be more productive to discuss the subject with him. Explain to him that his behavior causes you to feel insecure and that you need reassurance. But acknowledge that you might not understand his behavior... And ask questions, seeking to understand.
Also... I believe the reason why you are so upset is because you feel that his behavior means that he is not attracted to you or dissatisfied in some way. Realize that that may not be the case... And that the real issue may be your own insecurity... And that you need to address your insecurities regardless of what he is or is not doing.
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Porn viewing requires no brain and the more selfish and immature a guy is, the more likely he will be drawn to the porn for the fantasy. Basically, it is his drug of choice, which offers cheap and quick thrills which he tries to believe will have no negative effects on his life, even when the facts confirm them. He is already lying and trying to manipulate you into accepting his lust for porn. This is the crap about it making sex better for you, and he is hoping you are stupid enough to buy into it. Sex is about more than his cum. This is the hard truth to swallow...pun intended. If he does not know that, you are probably not having great sex like you deserve anyway. You can't change him and he can't change you. If you give him an ultimatum he will choose the porn most likely, because he has already demonstrated that it is more important to him than your feelings. When he does this, you can leave him, knowing that you are now free to be loved and appreciated for the first time in three long years. You will find someone who values you more than a porn addiction. This is not to say it will be easy at first, but it will be easier in the long run.
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Even if you were a hot porn star willing to do anything, he would still look at porn. Guys don't want to look at the same person every time. He likes you for different reasons than he likes the porn. The porn will never replace you, and you will never replace the porn.
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Well, technically, it's not another girl. It's a figment of his imagination put on screen. Another girl is someone he'd have half a chance to be with in real life.
You're the one he wants to be with. Not a plasma screen.
Try to think of it that way.
Because, honestly, it's not worth fighting over.
Discussing feelings about it is one thing, but fighting about it does nothing but get you mad at one another, and get your blood pressure up.
Neither of those things are very healthy, are they?
It's not like said below me. He's not thinking those women are more attractive than you.
I'm not a guy, but I think it's not the women that he enjoys, but the actions going on before his very eyes.
It bothers you. That is not wrong. Try to sit down and civilly discuss it. Come to some sort of compromise that you can both live with.
ygs-30/f
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NO, you are not wrong.
That's him basically saying you aren't even close to being as attractive as the girls he jerks off to.
If he says him jerking off between your sex will "enhance it" why doesn't he JERK OFF TO YOU?
So, you need to have a talk with him, and if he's still going to not pay attention to your feelings and watch porn, no offense, but you need to dump him. That's rude to you.
hope i helped. let me know.
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