Dragonflymagic's advice column | Page 186

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Washington state

Occupation:

Retired

Age:

64

Member Since:

April 24, 2013

Answers:

7093

Last Update:

October 11, 2025

Visitors:

129429

Favorite Columnists

solidadvice4teens

kittenlover2000

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hello

I am 17 years old and I recently started wetting myself. Not massive wee's but big enough. The other night at 4 in the morning I rolled over and felt this sudden wetness like an someone had just broke my waters. I had to get up it was all over my legs! It happened again today. I'm just unsure what to do I have been on 6 months treatment for thrush so know its not that? I'm just super embarrassed and don't want my partner to find out!

Thank you😊

If you havent had this problem all along, that simply points to something new or different or enough of something perhaps in your diet having built up that it finally has become a problem. People don't just start having a bladder problem for no scientific reason that can't be explained away physically, or even emotionally. If I were you, I'd first look up the name of the medication you've been taking for 6 months, online and look up the side effects of it. See if urinary problems are listed as a side effect, and if so, see the Dr. right away so you can be prescribed something different to treat thrush without having this side effect. Some medications need a long time to build up in ones system before having their side effects.
Otherwise, you just need to go see a Dr. they may not ask all the questions that may make a difference but they will need to know what prescription medicines you're taking as well as over the counter ones on a regular basis. they will need to know what you ingest, your normal daily intake of foods and drinks and how many. Equaly important is what your sleep schedule is, what hours you're up, how many hours you sleep before waking up for the next day and how much you drink and when before going to bed. There may be something causing weakness in your muscles that wasn't there before and kegel excercises might help.
Dr.s see people routinely about bladder problems, both older people with usually weakening muscles or younger people due to diet although it can be a symptom of many other things as well. And thats why a Dr. needs to see you to get this resolved. As embarrassed as you may be, it's something they have no trouble dealing with and don't see as strange, odd or embarassing, just a fact of life.

Hey! I am a 16 year old girl who is having some difficulty with relationships. I am currently talking to a 15 year old boy (the age difference isn't an issue for me) but he seems to like taking things fast. I feel entirely comfortable with him and I have no problem talking to him about most things but I'm afraid he'll use me for sex and then take off. I don't want to stereotype every high school boy by saying they only want sex but I'm afraid of getting myself into that situation when I'm not ready for it. I'm not looking for a commitment that leads to marriage but I also don't want to play games. I really like this guy and don't want to lose him but I also don't want to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. Any advice is appreciated greatly!

Grandfather gave great advice. So I will continue on with what to do concerning this guy or any you end up dating.
You need to decide for yourself what ground rules and boundaries you want to establish at the beginning of a relationship. So after a meeting a guy who wants to date you, a good way to find out his intentions (if you have some attraction to his looks) is to tell him that the two of you need a good serious talk if he want's you to become his girlfriend. You then tell him, the best time to share this information is at the very beginning so if he isn't willing to comply and agree to any of it, he can walk away now....and many will. They don't want to jump through too many hoops to get some sex if thats all they're after. However, a guy who is seriously attracted and also wants to become your friend too and enjoy the romance of any attraction between you, will go by your rules.
So lay it out for them. Young boys may not appreciate that fact that you have rules and expectations but I can tell who once they get older, a woman who knows what she wants and doesnt want and isn't afraid to tell a guy, is irresistibly attractive to a guy. I did this when looking for a partner after a divorce in my forties and guys were falling over themselves to have a chance to win my attention and the rules made me more attractive to them. Why? This exudes a great self confidence and they are attracted to it.
think of all the kids in HS who are the popular types. One thing they have more of, over most the others, is the appearance of self confidence whether true or acted, or the acceptance of one who is popular who wouldn't be attracted to the other if there wasn't some kind of obvious self confidence. If you have any questions about how to go about setting boundaries, or even making a list of what you are looking for in a guy and then you making the first move and going after who you want, let me know, I'd be glad to share.
Good luck.

Can i get pregnant after sex through anus (sperm coming out of my anus)

If you have decided to have sex, then its high time to get on the most trust worthy contraception that works for your body. Intent to use condoms is okay but I and others have experienced one breaking and it only takes that once to become pregnant if thats all your using for birth control.
Also, the condom is put on only at the point the guy is ready to enter. Anytime before hand, he can ooze precum from his penis and that is enough if the tip is placed near the vagina or the precum is on your or his fingers right before being inserted into your vagina. Many become pregnant this way. Sure, something can happen and cum could leak out from anus and make its way to your vagina, its a slight chance but yes its possible. Sperm doesnt last long outside the body so there'd have to be a good amount of cum that runs quickly from anus down to your vaginal area for that to become a greater possibility. Get on contraceptives dear. If you dont have a Dr. go see Planned Parenthood for birth control

I'm 16. I have had sex but I'm on the pill and we used a condom and it didn't split. I'm on my break days and should of came on by now but haven't. Why not?

When I took the pill, no Dr. ever told me I couldn't have sex on my break days/the ones where you take placebos or nothing.
The idea is that there is enough hormones from the pill in your system to carry you over the week you're on placebo's. The reason you can't have sex immediately when starting the pill and must wait a week before doing so is because it takes that long to build up a residual amount in your system strong enough to keep you from becoming pregnant. So you're probably okay. But since you're new at this and anxious at getting it right and not becoming pregnant, the simple fact that you are stressed enough with worry or such concerns are enough to delay a period. It also is delayed if you'll been ill.
When going on pill for first time, it can take a while for your body to get used to it so it can mess with your ability to get your period during your break days. Do not change your schedule of pill taking just because a period hasn't come. If it doesnt come next month again, then talk to your Dr. or where ever you got the birth control. Females can also experience break through bleeding on days they are taking the pill so if it happens too often you may want to see the Dr. again for that and maybe get a stronger prescription or a change to another.

Hi there,

Should I follow the teachings I found in David Servant's book: The Great Gospel Deception?

I found some guy that really hates this guy, but when I look at David Servant's website, the points that the guy who hates him keeps making seem to obviously be false... So, how do I tell what to do and who to believe.

Is Mr. Servant an honest man I should listen to, or not?

Thank you!

Dont be afraid to make a move to study or follow a particular belief for fear of being wrong. As has been said, until we hear it direct from God's mouth, I don't even trust newspapers to not put in their own spin and twist what God said, I believe that anything you check out and practice in good faith that this is the right spiritual path for you, God will not hold against you if it indeed turns out to be not so good or way off base. Thats how we learn...but as soon as something doesn't feel right, stop there and continue searching.
I have found truths in all beliefs and religions but there are also just as many twisted truths or down right lies or terrible misinterpretations, that I have found it better to pull out what I see as the truths I beleive I have found in each one and disregard all the rest. Of course with that attitude, most churches who know what you're doing would not accept you as a member if you didn't convert 100% TO their doctrines and ideals. I stayed too long in churches, believing about 1/3 of what was preached. The rest never made sense and I didn't agree with. When I became an older adult, I finally decided it was time to leave church and follow my own spiritual path, an eclectic one of bits and pieces of beliefs from so many places. This is something entirely for you to decide on.Do not take on and approve for yourself a belief or teaching just because the crowd follows it. That doesnt make it necessarily right for you. Just make it your goal to learn to have a relationship with your creator and treat his children, all those on the planet with you, as you would like yourself to be treated and you will be doing just great.

This will be very long sorry, I just need to understand....

Okay, so I'm 16 from the USA. I'm a very shy home schooled church girl and I'd never really talked to a guy let alone dated or did anything with one.

One day my one friend(we're super close we basically consider each other family) and her boyfriend went mud bogging one day and I tagged along. They went with a bunch of his friends that I didn't know and most of them were of course guys.

After that when I went home my friend(let's call her Meg) messaged me and said that one of the guys there was going to snapchat me and to look cute and be nice.[this happened on Wednesday]

So I did talk to him, and I liked him a bit so the next day we ate lunch together at subway(I'm homeschooled and he's graduated but the age difference isn't too big of a deal because it's the same as my parents) so we talked for a while and I went home right after and we texted the rest of the day. [Thursday]

The next day I texted him all day because me and Meg were babysitting but after she and I went to go see him for a few hours at his house. It was also the day of our(and also my) first kiss.
[Friday]

The next day didn't go so well. Me and Meg were going to work with her horses for a bit then we drive 45 minutes away to go shopping then pick up her boyfriend from work since his truck broke and go to 'my guys'(as Meg calls him) house. Thanks to Megs mom we didn't end up leaving till way later than we wanted to so we didn't get back in time to pick up him up so we asked 'my guy' to since him and her boyfriend are friends. He didn't want but he did. When Meg and me got to his house there were people yelling and it was awkward so we left right away taking her boyfriend with us and 'my guy' was going to meet us at my house. Before he got there he said he didn't want to come because he was mad about something that happened earlier, I told him he didn't have to but he came anyway. All four of us when to subway and it was fine until 'my guy' started just making mean comments to Meg then said something about us being there the night before not letting him sleep and such. Obviously every one got pissed off by this and we all left, Meg taking her boyfriend home and I was left to talk to him. We did and I forgave him and everything then he came into my house talked to my mom for a while then left. (Saturday)

This day my parents were gone for a funeral and wouldn't be back until the next night. He came over to my house around noon when Meg was there, Meg got her boyfriend and we were all at my house even though most of the time me and him were downstairs in my room while they were upstairs in the living room. They left around 6 or 7 to go to her boyfriends and around 8 someone was coming to my house to stay with me because my parents were gone. We stayed in my room for a while then went upstairs and sat on the couch to wait for the person to get there and that was when we had our(my) first make-out session. When the person got there I sat upstairs with them while he went down stairs. I went back down after a bit and we layed there and watched a movie, during the second movie though we started kissing again and he started to get a little touchy. The two times he started to touch well, that area, I'd grab his hand and he'd stop(he knows I don't want to lose my virginity for a while and said to let him know if he did too much) after that he went on his phone and he got upset because his ex was giving him shit after that we sat on my bed and started talking and he said that he cared for me a lot but like didn't feel 'like' was a strong enough word but it was too soon and to strong of a word for him to say love. I said it was the same for me too which it is, but I'll say more about that in a bit. But we started kissing again and I felt bad that he wanted to do more but I wouldn't let him and that his ex was upset with him(which is indirectly somewhat my fault) so when he put his hand on his, well you know, I didn't fight it. Nothing went in my mouth(or vagina but you should know that) but you can guess what I did.

This was when I realized I cared about him way too much for such a short time and I was a little frightened by it. A week earlier I never would have considered so much as kissing yet here I was doing this no matter what my reasons were..
We laid there after for about an hour and he left.
[Sunday]

This is the day when I need the most advice from.
Me and Meg were hanging out all day until around 5 when we went to my house and he came. We sat upstairs with her until she left at 7 a first nothing happened we just laid there and watched a movie. When the movie was over we started kissing again and started to do stuff but again I said no the most that happened was that he cupped and kissed my boob for about a minute and he started rubbing above my pants for a little bit when I pulled his hand back. I was sitting on his lap and we were kissing when Meg walked in absolutely terrifying both of us. She came in to grab something then left, we talked for a bit about it and he started rubbing above my pants again and said that he'd wait until I was comfortable before doing anything else then stopped after a minute he asked if i felt anything when he did stuff and I said yes, and it scares me a little so we talked about that and I said "maybe we should slow down we did meet 5 days ago." he said he understood, we said bye and he left.

After he left I messaged Meg(She knows what we did the other night and had been making fun of me for it ever since I told her) saying how long did you laugh about this time? expecting her to joke back but she messaged me and was totally serious and said "what were you doing" i said nothing like last night because we didn't. And she was even more serious saying "what did you. you've known him for 6 days, not been dating, known him. Do you realize how fast you're going" And i said yes, you're right and I did tell him we needed to slow down(I also texted him after this conversation and told him so again) she asked again and I told her I was sitting on his lap and we were kissing that's all since that pretty much was it. and that was Yesterday... haven't talked to Meg since that conversation and haven't talked to him since around 10 last night
I guess I just need advice, any all advice you are willing to give... should I tell Meg everything in detail or is it not a big enough deal to bother with? and I don't know...(and don't says something like it's none of her business, because we've known each other long enough and are close enough where it is and she's only concerned for me.)

Also I like him alot... I'm falling hard and since I've never so much as had a crush before, it's almost overwhelming and I don't know what I'm turning into... I actually considered the things he wanted to do and my virginity is a big deal to me.(but common sense and my own stubbornness took over and I couldn't say yes) If it weren't for the world we live in and the fact that I don't know if I can wait that long I would wait until marriage happily. I don't want to stop talking to him but I don't want to do something I'll regret or get hurt either... i don't know.. anything you would be willing to say would be appreciated, and sorry again for it being so long

You did say he was graduated, depending on when his birthday is, he could be already 18 and at that age, can not be doing anything of a sexual nature with people younger than him. That's against the law. At the rate he is going, he will eventually talk you into it and then he is in danger of going to jail if found out.
You are an easy target for a guy being that you have been so sheltered. Being church folks, I wonder what dating rules and boundaries your parents have set up for you. If they haven't discussed such a thing, they are sorely behind and that conversation needs to happen. Until you also turn 18, they are responsible for your welfare. I think you need to tell the parents you met someone and ask if its ok with them to have him come over for them to meet. Then make that offer to him if it's ok with them.
I told me daughters that if any guy was interested in them in high school, to invite him to the house to hang out where we could meet him and get a feeling for his character. There were guys interested in the daughters, but not a single one would accept the invite to come to our home. While I may be wrong, I believe that none of them were serious enough about a bf/gf relationship with them if they couldn't feel comfortable hanging out at our house. That, or they were just after the easy score and they knew that would be impossible with the parents watching over. As wonderful as it feels to have a male pay any kind of attention to you, there are different places this kind of attention leads. Attracted to looks is the first. This causes males to feel sexual desire and many are patient enough to wait and not spook the girl but always pushing her a bit further because they realize she is hungry for attention and what she believes is true love or close to it. That is something that makes so many females vulnerable to the slick talk of young men, their desire to be loved by a guy. But hear me dear, not all guys who are interest have interest that goes beyond just sexual attraction, the 2nd part important to any relationship is that he is able to be your best friend. A best friend doesnt pressure you or try to selfishly do things they want without considering your feelings. A best friend would not care to do anything that could hurt you or make you feel regrets later.
While I see nothing wrong with teens exploring their sexuality especially at your age, or even having sex, you need to be mature enough to do so and part of that is educational....you need to know that even is his penis never enters you, there are ways you still can become pregnant. And too many teen girls unaware do to not knowing, end up pregnant because they have not taken the precaution to go see the Dr. and get put on the pill. You may not be intending to get that far with him but he can make all the promises he likes, but once you end up pregnant, its a different story for guys and there's nothing really holding them to you, no real commitment in their heart. You started a relationship based on sexual play rather than a blossoming friendship and that bodes disaster for you dear. I was still naive at age 20 when I married and that turned out to be a disaster. There is too many we do not know from our teens up til mid 20's as far as relationships go. Many women are burnt and hurt along the way and of course lose their virginity.
While I no longer see that as a big thing, having come from a church background myself, in the first marriage, I learned that not having sex before marriage for life to a guy, was a bad deal. You won't know if you're sexually compatible unless you become sex partners. So while I am all okay with females having sex before getting married, my belief is that its better to wait until you are old enough to be of marrying age to begin with, or if its just to be a long term relationship, until you're ready to go on birth control in advance of having sex, it can take a week of taking the pill before you have the all clear to go ahead, and I don't know how long for other methods. I don't trust condoms totally but they are better than nothing. It is best if you and the guy both have deep feelings of love for each other and having sex as a way of expressing that love...but not to prove that love. Anyone can have sex out of lust and not feel a bit of love for the person they are having sex with. Since you only just met, and both of you are young, I can't imagine that he is in love with you already, a place he'd need to be at if he were going to woo you but not demand anything sexual from you. Holding hands and kissing should be enough for him if its that important to you to remain a virgin for a while. He is frankly going too far in touch you in private places and i didn't see anywhere you telling us that he asked you first if it was alright with you. If you said it was...then you are way too naive and he sees you as only a fool where he can get what he wants. Teen boys are horny all the time, have several erections a day whether thinking of a girl or not so sex will always be foremost in their minds to achieve with a girl. Girls are looking for love. Don't settle for less dear. This isn't what you want. He's disrepectful of you already by touching and making sexual moves...that is NOT respecting your wishes to remain virgin because he knows enough that it is too easy to get carried away and go the whole way...and thats what he is waiting for.

About a year ago I met the most amazing guy. We clicked immediately, and he asked me out. We dated for several months, but broke up when he had to change states for his job. We considered doing long distance, but ultimately decided against it (I could tell he didn't really want to).

We remained friends - with benefits. We've been visiting each other every few months or so. We discussed getting back together if we ever found ourselves in the same city. Then, he mentioned that although he had strong feelings for me, he didn't know if he could ever love me, and didn't want to break my heart again. He eventually confessed that he never had feelings for me; which makes very little sense to me because he really seemed like he did like me. He claims that he loves spending time with me, but that's it.

He is a very emotionally distant person. He has trouble opening up and dislikes talking about his feelings. I know he's been hurt in the past; every girl he has had real feelings for has hurt him, but he claims to "get over it" very quickly. He does not attach emotionally to anything.

He calls me his best friend. We talk daily. He encourages me to date and meet other guys, and it hurts. He talks about his future, and I'm not in it. I'm a little hurt because I'm blindsided; we seem to have the perfect recipe for a wonderful relationship. I want to be with him and he thinks he can't love me - I don't understand how someone could even come to that conclusion, especially when we are best friends and are sexually involved.

Any advice?

And I agree with the other 2 advice givers.
I want to point out a phrase you gave us: He does not attach emotionally to anything.
It doesn't matter if he used to before being hurt or if he's always been that way, but a person unable to connect emotionally to another is not relationship material. It takes 2 things to have a solid foundation for any relationship, the emotional attachment of being best friends,and being sexually compatible. Both are a must in relationships yet there are many marriages even with only one, best friends with no sex anymore or sex partners who never bonded in friendship. So I'm sorry but I have to disagree, you do not have the "perfect recipe for a wonderful relationship". When your heart is attached to someone, even if it doesn't work out or isn't the best situation, it's still going to hurt to not be able to be with them. The hurt doesn't mean that he is the right one for you, it's just that as humans, it takes a while to recover from disappointments and heartbreaks.

The option inside of him to heal or change his disposition, lies entirely with him. There is no outside influence that can change that. So to be blunt, all you have is an occasional sex partner with him. And there is nothing you can say or do to influence him.
If you are still puzzled as to why the sex part has worked out for you if he claims to not love you...well...there's a major difference between men and women. At least for the great majority of men and women although there are a few who are different, but men do not need to be in love to want sex or for it to be terrific because they are drawn to it by feelings that are not love based but sexual attraction based so they can Lust after a woman but not love her. There are some exceptions in guys, but most guys are able to engage in sex with or without love, until they do find love. Females on the other hand, have a much harder time engaging in sex if they don't have feelings of love for the guy. This doesn't mean that there aren't women out there who just want sex for sex sake and don't really want the love and relationship. Unless humans are a hermit by nature, most of us like a certain amount of social interaction with others, talking to and being around other people to whatever limit we're comfortable with. So he may enjoy the social interaction with you which you misunderstood as him having feelings for you since he did ask you out but remember this, humans do not seek out other humans for relationships that they are not sexually attracted to looks wise. We can hope that once they get to know us, that there is more than the sexual attraction and they have the ability to become ones best friend while at the same time sexually wanting the other. It doesnt always turn out that way. A few months together should have been enough time for him to fall for you in other areas besides sexually. Like your personality, your peculiar traits, your morals and beliefs, mannerisms, etc...the whole ball of wax and that is where love starts.
If this man was in love with you, he would not have been able to leave your side and either would have begged you to come relocate with him or not taken the job. It doesn't take long for a man to fall in love with a woman. He doesn't need time to think it over slowly. If he is ready to find a mate for life and is open to the idea, then he will jump at the first chance when he meets the right lady. My 2nd husband proposed 3 weeks after I first learned he existed. Adviceman on this advice site, has shared his story and it was equally quick for him. I know its so for many others. If you still feel strongly that there was a solid friendship, I can tell you from experience with my ex, that a person can fake it for years to get what they want and need. My ex not only was not treating me as one would a friend but he quickly turned to complaining about our sex life and I am no sexual prude. We were not a right match in many ways. And yet so many young couples in church actually told us that they felt we were the ideal couple and they wanted to be married as long as we were. He faked the friendship for 30 years before I left because he was also abusive. It doesn't take something so obvious to show there is no real friendship dear, so I hope you realize for all these reasons, that there is no chance. Take time for your heart to heal and then maybe get some books on the differences between men and woman to help you understand better for the future...something like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a good start and also you may want to study the do's and don't of dating and relationships for the future to have a better chance of knowing what's really going on and not ended up with that 'blindsided' feeling simply because you were not well enough informed on mens and womens natures.

Ok so everyone is attached to their parents when we're little but for me and him our moms were always taking the easy way out and would take off and leave when ever they wanted luckily for me I had my dad but he never met his dad . I was always super attached to my mom but then something had clicked in my head that she wasn't the person I thought she was that was at around 11 and I am now 14 but hes about to be 13 and is too attached to his mom because he doesn't want her to leave and he's really obsessive with her whenever out aunt takes us out to get our minds off of stuff all he wants to do is call his mom and when she doesn't answer he just keeps on calling and literally bugs her until the point where she turns off her phone and says it's dead when it isn't i. Our whole family has tried to talk to him that he needs to be less attached but he always gets angry and thinks we don't want his mom around him when it's the opposite this is how it's been his whole life but recently I have realized it more because what teenager turns down hanging out with his friends to spend time with his mom Ive told my sister that he might need to talk to a shrink or something but I'm afraid he will just get mad and think were calling him crazy

So I want to know is how can I get him to understand that being with his mom every second of every day is not healthy for him

Missudersmock is right, I agree, though I am not a mental health counselor, I've lived long enough and read enough to know that even if a baby is given up for adoption and is never told so, some can exhibit some of the behaviors of a person suffering abandonment issues. So it stands to reason that he, never having met his biological Father and the man for whatever reason not being part of the family unit in any way, he feels abandoned. Yes, he may get over it on his own. But then again, he may not without some professional help. I'd watch him closely and be ready to report any odd or worse behavior to aunt and mom when it comes to negative thinking. If there is anything wrong, it is likely to first show at puberty which is close to that age for you both. Some issues with humans will slowly grow worse as the years go by and eventually become more obvious.
I'm attaching a link to an article about CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's a short term solution to the disorder he has. People suffering from abnormal to negative thought processes that influence their behavior is the issue. Everyone gets negative thoughts in their heads but most people don't act them out in negative or unwanted behavior in real life.
You may want to show this link to Mom or Auntie so they are aware such a thing exists because I believe it can help him.

http://psychology.about.com/od/psychotherapy/a/cbt.htm

I just want to know how many holes there are and what there used for.

Three. I have a link with a diagram so you can understand better where everything is on a female.

http://www.healthline.com/human-body-maps/female-urethra

In this link, the diagram is a revolving model and a short video clip so freeze the video and then, one at a time, hold cursor over each part you see and the word describing the part will pop on the screen. The word urethra refers to the urinary tract where pee comes out. It is the smaller triangle to heart shaped item with what looks like a tail that ends/exits the body right above the vagina. They didn't draw in all the intestines but marked a large area off. This is the same as in males. All humans have intestines with an anus through which waste material exits the body, poop.

Im really young and I would put my finger inside my vagina and then scratch it.Then I would smell it. I thought I was going to get pregnant and I started worrying. I had 2/10 symptons of pregnancy and Im too young to have a baby. Also I don't have a boyfriend and I don't think I carried sperms. All I know is that I don't wash my hands before fingering myself. Please, I have been worrying and stressing out.

A female can not produce sperm. Sperm does not ooze from your finger tips. But you can carry germs on your fingers. I think masturbating is great for young teens in exploring their sexuality. Next time, just wash your hands well, especially scrubbing around the nails. Also make sure the nails do not have any rough edges that could scratch the skin. Use a personal lube if needed too.

Young teens don't always have regular periods when they first go through puberty...I had the same deal, two periods in one month but more likely periods that don't come on time, sometimes 2 mos. before the next one and that IS normal. So a late period doesnt mean you are pregnant. It can also be late from illness or stress and will happen like that throughout your lifetime. So dont worry about that symptom.

Sperm doesnt survive long outside the male body and needs to be near the entrance of your vagina, transfered from his cum to his or your fingers and then the fingers going inside you, or being released when he is inside you. Condoms are great but not fool proof. I belive from age 14 on, Planned Parenthood will help teens get on birth control like the pill You aren't ready yet likely. But when you are, keep that in mind.
Even without a boyfriend entering you, there is enough sperm in the little pre cum that oozes from his tip to get you pregnant if transfered to your vagina somehow.

My friend told me she liked this guy. Me and her crush started talking a little, and I started to like him. I always thought he was attractive even before she liked him, I just thought he had a crappy personality until I talked to him. Should I tell my friend or should I keep it to myself beacause he probably doesn't like me anyway?

Females of any age can get quite territorial over guys and not like it if another girl gets to her guy or the guy she is crushing on.

What you need to understand is that if a girl and guy are already dating, then he's off limits. Until he and she have spoken and it is discovered that he likes her too and wants to date her, he is not committed to her or anyone like that, then he is open territory and you can go ask him out.

If you are both equally likeable to him lets say, then it's first come, first to get.

The only catch here is, if you did not know a friend was crushing on the same guy and happened to ask him out, and he accepts, there's nothing to fault you for as far as your friendship with her goes. Now, knowing that she is crushing on him, if you go ask him out, that will hurt your friend and possibly strain the relationship between you and her for a while. It's not a grievance to break up a friendship over but many females can be immature enough to let it get to them. What is best is that you let her know that in talking, you've found that you actually like him alot too. If it wasn't for her, you'd be asking him out. You both don't know yet which one of you he might like better, or he may have no interest in either of you. You could tell her that if she's serious about him, she should go ask him out. You'll give her that chance first since she was the first to have interest in him. But if she doesn't go for it or he isn't into her, then you will go for it. But she has to know, its not competition, just that you happened to notice some things you like about him as well. Its also likely that if both of you can see his likeable attributes, so can other females and there could be quite a few who secretly like him. Its a girls world when it comes to relationships. Not all guys are brave enough to ask a girl out. But many are more than willing to date a girl if she asks.

I know this is a bit morbid and possibly not something people want to talk about, but I'm worried that my family will hate some of the arrangements I plan to make in my will.

First, I plan to leave custody of my children to my parents and if they for whatever reason can't take them, I plan to leave them with my husband's brother and his wife. My in laws probably won't be happy that my parents are my first choice, but my parents live in town so the kids wouldn't have to change schools and move away. The in laws and my sister probably won't be happy that I'm choosing my brother in law to take them if my parents can't, but I'm worried that the in laws can't keep up with them and I don't trust my sister's husband. He's not the world's greatest guy and I do not want my children to grow up to be like him. Also, he strikes me as the kind of who'd MAKE his kids do the things that HE enjoys and wants them to do. His an avid Hunter and fisherman and I can see him making my sons do those things whether they want to or not. I Can also see him not letting them do things they do want to like football, baseball, etc. I don't want my boys (or my daughter) with someone like that.

Second, I plan to put it in my will that my children Will receive their inheritance over the course of several years AFTER they turn 25 years old. I do, however, plan to leave them each a college fund. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant, but they're each to receive quite a bit of money and I don't want them blowing it. I just want my kids to have a good life and therefore, I don't want them getting their inheritance until they're old enough and responsible enough to use it wisely. I'm afraid that whoever would get custody of them will be a little irritated that I didn't leave them the money right away.

Lastly, I plan to be cremated and I'm sure some people in my family will think it's wrong. I used to not be willing to consider anything but burial, but have grown to prefer cremation by a long shot. Not trying to talk anyone out of burial here, but I've looked at the cost of a burial from the funeral home of my choice and including everything, it should cost about $11,000. Cremation, including everything, shouldn't be more that $3,500. I plan for my own money to be used for my funeral and I'd like to be able to leave my family as much money as possible. I don't want them spending a lot of their inheritance to make sure my dead body that my spirit has already left is comfortable. My mother wants to be cremated as well, but she's on of the only people in my family that I know prefers it over burial and my fear is that everyone else will have a fit saying that burial is more Christian or that it's easier on the family to have a grave to visit.

Now my last issue is one of two questions I have for you. It's about what to do with my ashes. I've considered a mausoleum for cremated remains, but that might be a little expensive. I'd really like them to be spread somewhere, but I don't know where. I really don't know what to put in my will about what should happen to my ashes.

My second question is how to go about talking to my family about this and when. Should I do it before or after I make the will? Should I talk to them all together or one on one? And most importantly, what do I do if they freak out on me? ANY help you can give me will be appreciated.

My two cents worth: Although changing schools can be upsetting to a child, I don't believe that should be the top reason as to who gets the kids. What if the best people to raise them live in another school district? And how can you foresee whether those getting the kids find a need to move in the future long after you're gone due to a job offer.

As for inheritance for the kids, they may squawk at not getting money sooner but as you said, enough will be available for schooling which matters. As for the rest, I believe it wise to wait until they reach 25. Its a known scientific fact that the frontal lobe of the brain finishes growing long after the body matures in puberty and teen and early college years. So any child before that age is likely to not be able to make the best decisions and judgement calls so I agree here totally.

When it comes to cremation, I've never heard it called un-Christian. I will say though that sometimes people worry too much if they have the belief of the rapture that God can only raise a pile of bones from a grave and not ashes in a graveyard, in an urn or scattered in nature. This type of belief if one is holding to the belief in rapture, is a very limiting one of God's so called abilitys. It is clearly thought processes of humans, that do not make any sense. Now if your concern is that there is no grave to visit, that would only be so if the ashes were scattered in nature somewhere. My mom was cremated and the mausoleum was full so All cremated bodies now end up in small spots buried in the ground with flat markers in the ground. My sister kept a few of the ashes to put in an urn to keep at her home. There won't be much ashes to split between all family members to keep some for themselves in an urn and then there could be fighting as to who gets the ashes, so just arrange for the buriel site for the urn of ashes ahead of time in your will.

Hey, guys! I'm a 17 year old female and I figured since you all are caregivers yourselves, this would be a good place to seek advice for this particular issue...
I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now, and I love her with all my heart. However, she is severely depressed and I've had some struggles coping with it. I try my very best to do all I can for her. I keep her on the phone when she's feeling particularly down, I listen when she needs to rant or express her emotions, I will drop everything to run to her side if she is in a bad place (this resulted in me ditching two classes once), and I even wrote a short story in which I characterized her as a superhero once.

However, I am a person who very easily can become too involved with others' problems, and I'll often turn their negative emotions into my own by accident. I've been feeling down and on edge lately, and constantly worrying and caring for my girlfriend has drained me. She is an amazing person (very artistically and academically talented, as well as sweet, funny, and extremely strong willed), and none of this is her fault even in the slightest. I'm just worried because I'm afraid that my exhaustion is causing me not to take care of her as well as I normally can, and also I'm concerned about my OWN health. Any tips?

Hon, if she has severe depression, it's fine to have a friend to 'be there' for her, but that will not in itself treat her condition. She needs to see a professional and get put on medication. My own daughter at the same age had it and never told me and it was not obvious and I did spend lots of time with my kids. She was just good at hiding it. She finally told me what she was battling after having her 1st kid cus after birth, it got lots worse and so she finally went to see a mental health professional.
I understand you wanting to invest so much of yourself and your time because you love her.
However, it takes two 'whole' people to make a relationship work. Until she's under Drs. care, she
will always be lacking something and needing care.
There is such a thing as a person consciously or subconsciously siphoning off the energy of another person, leaving them high and dry. I have a sister who at times, not always does this and when I leave her place, I do not feel well, weak and exhausted as you put it is a good description. People need a personal amount of energy to function well. You worry about not being able to take care of her but those of us who live a life of being in service to others, like myself, need to learn how to take good care of ourselves first. It took an abusive first marriage and some good counsel from friends before I realized where I was off. Theres a bible verse about loving your neighbor as you love yourself. The word 'neighbor' comes before 'self' so many people, including myself focused on loving others and being there for them and trying to help them get better but the verse was understood wrong. We need to fully love ourselves before we are able to love and help others.
In your case, "being there for your sweetheart" as good a thing as it is, is being done off balance for as you said, it caused you to skip classes once. She's not going to get better without professional help so this will continue to mess up things for you, continue to drain you physically. No person is meant to be someone elses cane or crutch to lean on permanently. It's fine for short time things that hit someone broadside and they need help to get over that one issue in their lives. No its not her fault she has these problems, but they are never going toget better and could possibly get worse until she gets medical help. How would you feel that one day you were ill in bed with a flu or something and unable to run to her side and her depression caused her to kill her self? You'd be riddled with guilt for the rest of your life and may never get beyond grieving for her. This is way bigger than you can handle alone dear. If she is not yet 18, her parents need to know to get her to a professional or talk to school counsers. And try to convince her that this is for her best.
Seeing a mental health counselor doesn't mean you are crazy, a mental freak or damaged in some way. All it means is that her body is unable to create on its own the feel good hormones to help her brain function through all that comes in life, and to be able to handle stress. These levels are usually high in people without depression, but these hormone levels are gone or running low, depressed levels of feel good hormones, and thats where the term depression comes from. I know you wont leave her side and still be there for her, but do what you can to convince her to get professional help as well.

Where do I begin. This guy, Jake, and I have been good friends for about 4-5 years (7th grade), to now (juniors). And I've always liked him. He knew. Unfortunately, he never did anything about it. Him and I were always talking on and off. And he recently just came back in my life. He honestly always was, we just started talking (texting) more.I need advice on how he might feel. I could love to know, but I'm tired of expressing my feelings, if he just doesn't care. I feel he likes me because he talks to me, hugs me,looks in my eyes, and he just gets serious when he talks to me. Now, I feel he doesn't like me because, he hasn't said anything. I feel like he may not be boyfriend material, or has if he thinks I will control him. You've gotta remember, I've liked this kid for years now. It kills me not knowing answers. Everyone tells me, "love can wait". And it can, but this still kills me.

You say he's more serious now? Perhaps what it is, is that he's matured greatly since 7th grade and now really realizes the value of your friendship and may be ready to make it more than friends. Although he talks well enough, he may not be the personality type to share constantly whats on his mind and heart, prefering to keep much private. I do not know him so its hard to tell.
I will say that if he didn't care aboat you on some level, as friends or hoping for more, then he wouldn't be hanging around with you. Gorls are often ahead of guys when it comes to love and relationships and it takes guys a while to catch up.
What you need to do is be direct in your questions, without it seeming like you are grilling him. He needs to know how you feel about him and that you'd like to know as well. Here's how to say it, or put in your own words. 'Jake, I need to tell you something important. (This is to get his full attention) I am beginning to have stronger feelings for you. (Not saying you've felt like this for a while or all along, cus that makes it sound like he has to feel the same and he might say he does only to not hurt your feelings or lose you as a best friend. But you want him to not feel it's so final so that he has a chance to get used to the idea.) So I am wondering how you feel about us, am I just friend material or do you think it could be something more? (This kind of question is asking his opinion in a way that is friendly for him to share the truth that he is ready to be a boyfriend or that he just doesn't have those kinds of romantic feelings towards you, which I call chemistry.(Its matching pheremones) I can't say why one person will have those needed romance feelings towards someone while the other doesn't but it happens. If it's enough to know for now but take things really slow for him to have time to get used to then do so.

Not boyfriend material? Depends on what you think a boyfriend is? A boyfriend is the predecessor to a long term mate or life long partner with or without marriage. As such, a boyfriend will need to qualify in 2 basic areas, 1. Needing to be your best friend and 2. Having

I don't know why you feel he may think you'd control him. Does he have controlling parents or a friend who is like that? yOU dont have to answer me, just figure it out yourself. No one should exert control over the other in a relationship ever, not even the guy over the female. that puts a relationship OUt of Balance. If the two can't share equal responsibility of time and effort in the relationship, it'll never really work out. Happily ever after doesn't happen just because we wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so.
boy

What does it mean when you get stomach cramps?

Hon, you didn't give enough information for me to know why you're having cramps. Like, are you female and starting your period? Many females get cramps with their period. they also can feel abdominal cramps on one side about the time an egg is released from one or the other fallopian tube. Even having fibroids can make cramps worse, and cramps can occur after intense sex if one has fibroids.

Now, moving on to other possibilities, a flu, a food allergy, trapped gas causes cramp like pains on occasion for me, and there are other reasons. If it only lasts a day or two, and doesn't come back again, whatever was causing it was a temporary thing. If you have it all the time, its time to see your Dr.

My family has been living in this three bedroom house for 3 months. We started noticing problems like the walls in every room are wet and water is always leaking from the Windows. We called the property owner and he said that they didn't know why the house was like that and they don't know what to do. A lot of water was leaking from the bathtub into the bedroom when people used the shower, they fixed the tub leak, but the shower still has problems.
The mold is every room and its ruining the furniture, Black mold and some white fuzz is getting from the walls to the beds. We wipe it off and it comes right back. I moved my dresser and discovered all this nasty black and white mold eating through the dresser. Its in every room.

We have complained to the property owner multiple times. They said that are house wasn't the only one having this problem. Can't afford to move. The walls are always wet and are starting to puff out. When it snowed last week water was leaking from the ceiling, but we cant see any holes.

Can my mom get her money back so we can move from this place? What can my mom do about it?

Your property owner likely can't afford the kind of repairs needed. Sounds like the house you're in should be condemned. If there's that much a problem, its likely leaking pipes in walls, little or no insulation, and there could easily be lots of mold damage with wood rotting away in walls, floors and ceilings. Its only a matter of time before the plaster of a wall becomes so sodden it falls in a heap on the floor or from the ceiling or a part of the floor gives way.
This is not to mention the health hazard. Mold of any extent will have effect on peoples health. Last place I stayed had mold that built around the base of the toilet and that affected me to where I had a consistant cough, mucus build up and I know from when I was younger, that I got lots of chest infections needing antibiotics from living with mold. I didn't think this little bit would hurt me, well it did.
Since Mom would have a hard time getting into a new place, I suggest she find a lawyer regarding safe housing acts. There are specific laws by state and also cities have certain agencies also you can go through. I did a quick search and couldn't find a general link to one for all states. But you guys need to move from there. Hopefully you have renters insurance, as you will likely need to replace all your belongings, clothes included. I met a neighbors kids once whose clothes smelled musty. I went to meet the parents to give the okay for my kids to go over there. Once in there, I saw that all the windows were always wet on the inside no matter the weather outside and the whole place smelled moldy and musty. But the thing is, you're all used to it. You can't tell. And it doesn't matter how much you wash the clothes, they'll still smell that way cus likely the mold spores are eaten into it waiting for a damp environment to release them again in another mold growth cycle.
Perhaps theres a lawyer who can help pro bono if she can't pay for one but its the wisest way to go to see what her rights are, what agencies can help by coming to inspect the place, and how to get her money back so she can use it in searching for a new place and leave behind everything except items that mold can't eat into, like dishes. She can ask the lawyer about compensation for destroyed property, but likely without insurance, that won't happen. I wish you the best in this getting resolved and finding a new home.

I am 25 years old and dating a guy who is 35 years old. I love this guy I am dating for almost two years now and he loves me too. I feel like he is not very experienced but has been married for 8months and is now divorced so its not like he hasn't had any experience. I am a virgin and have never had sex yet I don't have any problem.
Every time we hug and Kiss( not french), I see a big large wet spot on his pants (a size of a subway cookie) LOL I am concerned because I want to know if this is an issue that I should be worried about. I just want him to be fine... I care for him a lot

Yes, some guys can get erections and ejaculate in their pants while doing something they find erotic, like kissing. It happened once long ago to me while kissing a guy, where I had an orgasm.
Even now, being in our fifties, my husband gets a hard on easily just by kissing me or combing his fingers through my hair. Its not to be alarmed about and is quite natural though not all people do it. It tends to happen more with a couple who have a very close deep connection to each other.

I'm a 17 year old female and i have been concerned with my menstrual cycles. i started my period in 5th grade, and ever since I've started having a period, its been so unregulated. I can go months without a period. When im on my period, it will only last about a week or so. I never keep track of my period because i never knew how long or how off i was supposed to be. I talked to my mom about it, and she sounds like she understands, but has not done anything about it. It concerns me because i dont think this is normal lol

If you were a late bloomer and didn't get your period til recently, I'd say give it some time yet to regulate on it's own. However since you started your period in 5th grade, it's had plenty of time to do so. And yes, it's common in the beginning for a period to not come for 2 months or to get two smaller ones in one month. I had both happen to me for my 14th and 15th years but it became regular after that. If mom still won't take you (after you tell her what I've written), then go to any Planned Parenthood and see them about that. There could be a problem with your hormones which Drs can easily fix with medication just for the time your body needs to learn to regulate. Maybe a few years and then you may not need to take it anymore. Your Dr. can keep tabs on that for you with yearly visits.
Good luck dear

I'm from newyork. I got dreadlocks last year and they've been great, but my little sister gave me lice so I have to either cut my hair or comb them out, but it takes weeks. I've missed a lot of school already and my junior year is pretty much down the drain already. would I be able to finish my junior year online and do my senior year in school? Or should I just give up? I've tried everything but life just seems to keep throwing things at me, like somethings trying to tell me something, to give up and start my life. I know how hard it is to live without a highschool diploma but I don't see how to fix my school career, along with dealing with my hair.

Lice is something that you didn't have any direct input into making happen. We had lice outbreaks with grade school twice a year so I knew the routine and it sucks. It took me from early morning until bed time once to work throughly on my daughters hair. I did learn that lice these days in some areas have become resistant to the regular lice medication at pharmacies. But in case you plan to keep the hair and not shave it all off (the easy way for guys) I recommend buyin a large jar of mayonnaise and working it into your hair until it is heavily saturated in it. Then you leave it on a half hour. I've seen reports that it doesn't work, but another mom told me, it did kill adult lice (by suffocation cus of the heavy oils) after I tried the regular lice medicine and they happily swam around in it for hours without dying. The real problem is the eggs so with the long hair you have, you'll need someone dedicated to help you. Work with a bright work spot light on the hair. Section it off with rubber bands into tiny sections. Work one section at a time using the bright light and perhaps a magnifying glass too. Some nits on the hairs are not going to be obvious as they're still small but will grow to become visible in a couple of days. So you'll want to do this process every 2 days for a while until you find the ones that didn't look like nit eggs before. I am sure the school won't want you attending while going through this process. Ours wouldnt let the kids in without the school nurse checking them out and giving the all clear before allowed in again.

I don't know the reasons why you've had bad attendance but thats gonna be directly linked to failing grades. Staying away while fighting lice is going to add to the missing days. You and the parents might request from the school office a meeting with all your teachers to be in attendance at once and find out what can still be done to make up missing assignments and keep up with current ones. Another option might be summer school to get caught up before Senior year.

However this all doesnt take care of whatever the issues are that caused you to not apply yourself. Stress at home? Bullying at school? Low self confidence? Anxiety issues? Or...some kids with high IQ's are simply too bored to do the work even though they can ace it without effort. Whatever your issues, those need to be addressed or you'll have the same troubles in Sr. year. If you drop out and try computer courses or attending a GED class, you will still have some of those same issues to face. I wish you the best. You're right, high school diploma is important. So do whatever will work for you to get one.

I want my best guy friend to believe that I truly like him he's 13 I'm 12, he told me to do so I must arouse him. I will not go further, but how do I give him a bonar? Please no comments about my age. Btw I'm a girl.

I'm with Razhie on this, the guy is just playing you to get what he wants, anything having to do with sex, including talking you into putting your hands on his penis for a hand-job or your mouth on it for a blow job.

Hon, you've got to trust us both. I am not saying this because of your age but for the principle. At my mid fifties, I am still a very sexual person and I've had plenty experience around guys. So I can tell you, it starts at puberty with guys where they get excited by just looking at women, talking to them, being near them, or just daydreaming or dreams at night about them. In fact, young boys your age and into their teens will pretty much have an erection, (A boner) several times a day. There's a saying that young males tend to have boners at the drop of a hat. That response slows down some when men get a little older so they're not involuntarily getting boners at all odd times of day or night, sometimes at inconvenient times.

It takes no intervention from a female to give a guy a boner at all. There's absolutely nothing you have to do but be female, which you are. You will find as you grow older that no matter whether you have a boyfriend or husband or not, there will always be a select amount of males whose taste runs in your particular looks and they will get 'boners' because of you, just because they saw you across the room, or talked to you.
There are two guys of guys, the ones that like to show off the fact they have a bulge in the crotch of their pants because of a boner and those who are embarassed and don't want to scare off the girl or it's an inappropriate moment for it to be discovered. Start watching guys. You'll see as some interact with girls, they may hold something in front of them at crotch level or place something in their lap. My guess is the odds are half, considering the age group, that males, if young teens are hiding an erection.

Do not fall for this line from him. Tell him what you know now based on what you've just learned and that you will not do anything sexual with a guy until you're ready and want to. Start watching your guy friend and you'll see him with plenty of boners that you did nothing to create.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>