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Should I leave him?
I've been in a relationship with a guy for 2 months; known him for 2 years as a close friend. He's done a lot for me and generally has a good heart. I can tell he really likes me and we get along great together. I get along with all of his friends and he does with mine. I thought everything was going great but I found out some news from his best friends girl. He told me not to trust her because she was a friend of his ex and that she was crazy etc. We ended up talking and she told me everything. She isn't friends with his ex anymore because of a falling out and she let me know that he was talking to other women. She said she didn't even know we were exclusive (even though he introduces me as his girlfriend to everyone he knows) She also told me that he doesn't like us talking which I already knew. She even said he would cheat a lot on his ex too which he said he didn't (although he told me he cheated on his other ex) I dont know what to believe anymore. Was she lying? I'm very confused. She did however say that he really likes me and she heard that from him and his best friend. But if this is all true this is a major deal breaker. I've asked if he was cheating and he denied it although admitted to having dating profiles that were inactive. I don't know what to do anymore. Some advice would be great.
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In 2 months, you don't have a long enough track record of watching, observing his actions, and personality to know if he is being consistant in claiming who he is today as a male. It won't be until you've spent more time around him that you will see for yourself.
While I don't usually take what other people say as the truth, I will take what I hear and go digging to turn up the truth for myself.
What I am curious about is the conversation in which he happened to bring up the fact this girlfriend of his most recent ex, can't be trusted. Thats not something one just blurts out, out of the blue. There had to be a reason he said something. I have several ideas but until proven guilty, all it is, is speculation. He could be cheating and someone threatened him with telling you about him if he didn't shape up or simply to get back at him for cheating on her best friend.
A more obvious one being the fact she doesn't like you talking to him and him showing interest in him, is that he choose her friend over her and never had interest in her so she's still wanting him for herself and will try to mess up his chances with others, OR if his cheating IS true, she could be so pissed that he wasn't the dream guy she thought she wanted and has made it her goal to warn all other girls that he shows an interest in knowing for sure that he is a cheater.
You have an admission by his own tongue that he cheated several times on another ex further back. Does that make him a guy you can trust because he practices 'selective cheating' and doesn't cheat with all girls he dates? Or have the other ones just never been discovered yet?
I say if he's going around calling you his girlfriend, then you have a right to sit him down and discuss Your rules and boundaries for the relationship. this is important to set at the beginning. I didnt do with with 1st husband and he ended up a disaster. I did this when looking for love the 2nd time and got exactly what I wanted. You have to make sure you are willing to follow through with any consequeunces you set out for him if he agrees to follow your rules and breaks them. Spell it out. I told guys what my rules were. The moment they break one, I break up with them. I dated one guy who after several dates and getting comfortable around me, he began to let down the showing of his best side, or false personality, and showed me his real self. He claimed his place was messy, which it wasn't, but due to a pitiful excuse of a maid who...and here he used all sorts of foul words to describe her including racial slurs. that was my warning sign. I dropped him like a hot rock. You see, I've lived through a lot of my own mistakes and learned from them. the last husband was verbally abusive to me. He wasn't in the beginning when he dated me. It wasn't until after we married he slowly began the abuse. And it got progressively worse. Trust me when I say, if you get 'just a glimpse' of insight into the character of a guy from something he says or does or lets slip out in conversation, that glimpse almost always is a sign that more of that type of character lies hidden below the surface, it is part of who he is at core, his choices or his weaknesses. Things like that don't change hardly ever. It takes a person realizing that they have an area in their life that needs serious improving and a want/desire to follow through on self improvement. Just saying the words that they won't do it again is not enough. How many people break their own vows to themselves and others every day? You can tell a guys character a lot by his actions. If I were dating him, the moment he confessed to cheating in the past, I would have nicely just said, 'Hey, it's not working out for me, not enough chemistry between us' and dropped this guy. But thats just me. Some people have to go through actually catching the guy with another woman and all the pain and hurt before they will drop him. It's up to you whether you want to give him any more chances to 'hang himself' so to speak where you are concerned.
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Well if someone else said this girl you're getting your info through is crazy, then I don't see why you should listen to her. Either way, I think you should talk to him about it. Whether you're scared that he will get mad that you've been talking to her, or whatever else reason, it is very important to communicate in a relationship, and that is the best option to go with. Just tell him all that she said and see what he says and how he acts. Ask him if he is legit talking to other girls (like not just friends) and all that. You also need to tell him that if he thinks he might cheat, then the relationship needs to end. People can cheat in the past, I know I have but that was in the past and I know better now and would never do it in the present/future, so people can change. You have to keep that in mind. But just definitely talk to him about it. And if you aren't satisfied with the results, then do some factual research yourself on it.
Hope this helps~
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