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I've only known him 6 days
This will be very long sorry, I just need to understand....
Okay, so I'm 16 from the USA. I'm a very shy home schooled church girl and I'd never really talked to a guy let alone dated or did anything with one.
One day my one friend(we're super close we basically consider each other family) and her boyfriend went mud bogging one day and I tagged along. They went with a bunch of his friends that I didn't know and most of them were of course guys.
After that when I went home my friend(let's call her Meg) messaged me and said that one of the guys there was going to snapchat me and to look cute and be nice.[this happened on Wednesday]
So I did talk to him, and I liked him a bit so the next day we ate lunch together at subway(I'm homeschooled and he's graduated but the age difference isn't too big of a deal because it's the same as my parents) so we talked for a while and I went home right after and we texted the rest of the day. [Thursday]
The next day I texted him all day because me and Meg were babysitting but after she and I went to go see him for a few hours at his house. It was also the day of our(and also my) first kiss.
[Friday]
The next day didn't go so well. Me and Meg were going to work with her horses for a bit then we drive 45 minutes away to go shopping then pick up her boyfriend from work since his truck broke and go to 'my guys'(as Meg calls him) house. Thanks to Megs mom we didn't end up leaving till way later than we wanted to so we didn't get back in time to pick up him up so we asked 'my guy' to since him and her boyfriend are friends. He didn't want but he did. When Meg and me got to his house there were people yelling and it was awkward so we left right away taking her boyfriend with us and 'my guy' was going to meet us at my house. Before he got there he said he didn't want to come because he was mad about something that happened earlier, I told him he didn't have to but he came anyway. All four of us when to subway and it was fine until 'my guy' started just making mean comments to Meg then said something about us being there the night before not letting him sleep and such. Obviously every one got pissed off by this and we all left, Meg taking her boyfriend home and I was left to talk to him. We did and I forgave him and everything then he came into my house talked to my mom for a while then left. (Saturday)
This day my parents were gone for a funeral and wouldn't be back until the next night. He came over to my house around noon when Meg was there, Meg got her boyfriend and we were all at my house even though most of the time me and him were downstairs in my room while they were upstairs in the living room. They left around 6 or 7 to go to her boyfriends and around 8 someone was coming to my house to stay with me because my parents were gone. We stayed in my room for a while then went upstairs and sat on the couch to wait for the person to get there and that was when we had our(my) first make-out session. When the person got there I sat upstairs with them while he went down stairs. I went back down after a bit and we layed there and watched a movie, during the second movie though we started kissing again and he started to get a little touchy. The two times he started to touch well, that area, I'd grab his hand and he'd stop(he knows I don't want to lose my virginity for a while and said to let him know if he did too much) after that he went on his phone and he got upset because his ex was giving him shit after that we sat on my bed and started talking and he said that he cared for me a lot but like didn't feel 'like' was a strong enough word but it was too soon and to strong of a word for him to say love. I said it was the same for me too which it is, but I'll say more about that in a bit. But we started kissing again and I felt bad that he wanted to do more but I wouldn't let him and that his ex was upset with him(which is indirectly somewhat my fault) so when he put his hand on his, well you know, I didn't fight it. Nothing went in my mouth(or vagina but you should know that) but you can guess what I did.
This was when I realized I cared about him way too much for such a short time and I was a little frightened by it. A week earlier I never would have considered so much as kissing yet here I was doing this no matter what my reasons were..
We laid there after for about an hour and he left.
[Sunday]
This is the day when I need the most advice from.
Me and Meg were hanging out all day until around 5 when we went to my house and he came. We sat upstairs with her until she left at 7 a first nothing happened we just laid there and watched a movie. When the movie was over we started kissing again and started to do stuff but again I said no the most that happened was that he cupped and kissed my boob for about a minute and he started rubbing above my pants for a little bit when I pulled his hand back. I was sitting on his lap and we were kissing when Meg walked in absolutely terrifying both of us. She came in to grab something then left, we talked for a bit about it and he started rubbing above my pants again and said that he'd wait until I was comfortable before doing anything else then stopped after a minute he asked if i felt anything when he did stuff and I said yes, and it scares me a little so we talked about that and I said "maybe we should slow down we did meet 5 days ago." he said he understood, we said bye and he left.
After he left I messaged Meg(She knows what we did the other night and had been making fun of me for it ever since I told her) saying how long did you laugh about this time? expecting her to joke back but she messaged me and was totally serious and said "what were you doing" i said nothing like last night because we didn't. And she was even more serious saying "what did you. you've known him for 6 days, not been dating, known him. Do you realize how fast you're going" And i said yes, you're right and I did tell him we needed to slow down(I also texted him after this conversation and told him so again) she asked again and I told her I was sitting on his lap and we were kissing that's all since that pretty much was it. and that was Yesterday... haven't talked to Meg since that conversation and haven't talked to him since around 10 last night
I guess I just need advice, any all advice you are willing to give... should I tell Meg everything in detail or is it not a big enough deal to bother with? and I don't know...(and don't says something like it's none of her business, because we've known each other long enough and are close enough where it is and she's only concerned for me.)
Also I like him alot... I'm falling hard and since I've never so much as had a crush before, it's almost overwhelming and I don't know what I'm turning into... I actually considered the things he wanted to do and my virginity is a big deal to me.(but common sense and my own stubbornness took over and I couldn't say yes) If it weren't for the world we live in and the fact that I don't know if I can wait that long I would wait until marriage happily. I don't want to stop talking to him but I don't want to do something I'll regret or get hurt either... i don't know.. anything you would be willing to say would be appreciated, and sorry again for it being so long
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You did say he was graduated, depending on when his birthday is, he could be already 18 and at that age, can not be doing anything of a sexual nature with people younger than him. That's against the law. At the rate he is going, he will eventually talk you into it and then he is in danger of going to jail if found out.
You are an easy target for a guy being that you have been so sheltered. Being church folks, I wonder what dating rules and boundaries your parents have set up for you. If they haven't discussed such a thing, they are sorely behind and that conversation needs to happen. Until you also turn 18, they are responsible for your welfare. I think you need to tell the parents you met someone and ask if its ok with them to have him come over for them to meet. Then make that offer to him if it's ok with them.
I told me daughters that if any guy was interested in them in high school, to invite him to the house to hang out where we could meet him and get a feeling for his character. There were guys interested in the daughters, but not a single one would accept the invite to come to our home. While I may be wrong, I believe that none of them were serious enough about a bf/gf relationship with them if they couldn't feel comfortable hanging out at our house. That, or they were just after the easy score and they knew that would be impossible with the parents watching over. As wonderful as it feels to have a male pay any kind of attention to you, there are different places this kind of attention leads. Attracted to looks is the first. This causes males to feel sexual desire and many are patient enough to wait and not spook the girl but always pushing her a bit further because they realize she is hungry for attention and what she believes is true love or close to it. That is something that makes so many females vulnerable to the slick talk of young men, their desire to be loved by a guy. But hear me dear, not all guys who are interest have interest that goes beyond just sexual attraction, the 2nd part important to any relationship is that he is able to be your best friend. A best friend doesnt pressure you or try to selfishly do things they want without considering your feelings. A best friend would not care to do anything that could hurt you or make you feel regrets later.
While I see nothing wrong with teens exploring their sexuality especially at your age, or even having sex, you need to be mature enough to do so and part of that is educational....you need to know that even is his penis never enters you, there are ways you still can become pregnant. And too many teen girls unaware do to not knowing, end up pregnant because they have not taken the precaution to go see the Dr. and get put on the pill. You may not be intending to get that far with him but he can make all the promises he likes, but once you end up pregnant, its a different story for guys and there's nothing really holding them to you, no real commitment in their heart. You started a relationship based on sexual play rather than a blossoming friendship and that bodes disaster for you dear. I was still naive at age 20 when I married and that turned out to be a disaster. There is too many we do not know from our teens up til mid 20's as far as relationships go. Many women are burnt and hurt along the way and of course lose their virginity.
While I no longer see that as a big thing, having come from a church background myself, in the first marriage, I learned that not having sex before marriage for life to a guy, was a bad deal. You won't know if you're sexually compatible unless you become sex partners. So while I am all okay with females having sex before getting married, my belief is that its better to wait until you are old enough to be of marrying age to begin with, or if its just to be a long term relationship, until you're ready to go on birth control in advance of having sex, it can take a week of taking the pill before you have the all clear to go ahead, and I don't know how long for other methods. I don't trust condoms totally but they are better than nothing. It is best if you and the guy both have deep feelings of love for each other and having sex as a way of expressing that love...but not to prove that love. Anyone can have sex out of lust and not feel a bit of love for the person they are having sex with. Since you only just met, and both of you are young, I can't imagine that he is in love with you already, a place he'd need to be at if he were going to woo you but not demand anything sexual from you. Holding hands and kissing should be enough for him if its that important to you to remain a virgin for a while. He is frankly going too far in touch you in private places and i didn't see anywhere you telling us that he asked you first if it was alright with you. If you said it was...then you are way too naive and he sees you as only a fool where he can get what he wants. Teen boys are horny all the time, have several erections a day whether thinking of a girl or not so sex will always be foremost in their minds to achieve with a girl. Girls are looking for love. Don't settle for less dear. This isn't what you want. He's disrepectful of you already by touching and making sexual moves...that is NOT respecting your wishes to remain virgin because he knows enough that it is too easy to get carried away and go the whole way...and thats what he is waiting for.
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My dear, you're playing with fire. This guy is going to continue to manipulate you until he scores.
It appears to me that he's much more interested in getting sexual satisfaction from you than he is in establishing a loving relationship. I suspect that he's going to push you further and further every time you're together and when you finally give him what he wants, that's all you'll ever do together.
Don't become just one of his conquests. If you want to continue to see him, invite him to meet your family and see if he can pass their muster. Don't just hang out with him, insist on attending functions together and doing fun things. Make him prove with actions that he truly cares out YOU and not just...
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It is totally up to you whether you tell your friend or not. You pretty much summed it up for her, and if you didn't do too much more and nothing serious, it really isn't that big of a deal. The guy said he understands, and if he really does and really does "feel more than liking," then he can respect your wishes, and if it is really important to you, then don't let him or anyone else change your mind about that. I get what you're saying though, and temptation can be super hard, but that is when you have to really focus on your priorities the most. It is up to you what you do, but don't forget to not lose yourself and your standards(also for yourself) in some guy (even if he may be more). Anyway, I suggest taking it slow considering it has been pretty soon, but it is never too soon to fall in love!
Hope this helps~
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