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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

21/f, 28/m

This may sound weird to you. But three weeks ago, I had symptoms of UTI. So, I started drinking a lot of water and I took AZO (urinary pain relief), and usually doing just that sometimes help. I did that for six days and it didn't help so I went to a doctor and they prescribed me antibiotics (ciprofloxacin). It didn't help. It relieved the pain, but I was still peeing frequently and I still felt a burning sensation toward the end.

So, I went to another doctor who took a urine test. He was aware that ciprofloxacin didn't work for me (he thought that was strange), tested my urine, and ended up prescribing both me and my boyfriend antibiotics to take twice a day for seven days. He predicted that if he just treated me, he thinks my boyfriend would pass it back to me again. My boyfriend didn't have any symptoms so we thought it was strange, but we took the antibiotics and followed his instructions.

I finished the antibiotics today. The symptoms are gone. I don't have any burning sensations when I'm using the restroom, but I am starting to use the restroom frequently again. I decided to take a home kit test from AZO to see whether or not if I have symptoms of UTI, again. But my test came out positive on leukocytosis but negative on nitrate. Meaning that I have a trace of UTI, still.

I'm a little bit frustrated because i've already been to the doctor twice without insurance, and I have spent money on medication, and somehow I'm not better? I thought it must've been a false positive since I ended the antibiotics, I also started my period today. Should I wait until my period is over and test again? (since I accidentally got blood on my test and then it turned purple). What do you think I should do?

I can't say whats going on if the doctors beleive its UTI but cant get rid of. Perhaps its something other than UTI and they haven't discovered it yet.

However, it UTI, there may be something that can help. I learned early on that cranberry is good for helping get rid of UTI's, that is if I catch it in the beginning before its so bad theres a fever and major infection. Since I learned the symptoms, same as you've mentioned, I have never used a doctor since and always gotton rid of mine.Keep in mind that with natural remedies, everyones body is different and what works for two individuals won't work on the other if treatments were switched.

You can get cranberry tablets at any natural foods/health store or section in your store. But I've found I like cranberry juice even better and will drink a whole gallon a day myself until symptoms are gone. Its worth a try.
Another thing to keep in mind is flushing your system with water. If you typically dont drink volumns of water per day, then your bladder never gets a chance to be filled very full a couple times and this means some of the germs causing this, remain at the bottom of the bladder, never being flushed out. So if you tend to drink smaller amounts of liquid as I do, thats a good thing to do in addition to trying cranberry juice.

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from losing weight? I went vegan for my health and to get skinnier, and have already lost 25 pounds this year. I still have an overweight BMI and have gone from a BMI of 30 (tipping point for obesity) to a 25.7, the tipping scale of normality. my boss frequently comments on my losing too much weight, my dad really hurt my feelings the other day by saying I should just eat the oil heavy, animal product heavy foods or get out (before my parents wished I'd cook more, now they hate that I need to make meals once every one to two weeks, saving money on food costs in the process), and many family members and family friends are very skeptical, in spite of my progress and the fact that it's the first time in my life I've ever been successful at a diet for more than like 2 days (it's been 2 months!), I was on the brink of getting type 2 diabetes medication at my previous weight, I'm finally learning to cook, most of my cravings went away (fast food is expensive. And not only am I vegan, I'm also mostly plant based, but I don't shame myself for occasionally having coconut ice cream or vegan cheese. It's like people recognize all these famous, beautiful people but don't like the idea of me being one, finally being happy with a slim (I want a BMI of 18.5, I don't have anorexic dreams) body for the first time in my life since I started puberty in elementary school (early menarche is linked with dairy, meat, and etc and I ate those with no restraint), or eliminating my risk for various diseases common with my elder family members. I'll just try to not talk about the diet as much and have my blood tests my proof of the benefits of a whole foods, plant based diet, but it's been sad to pretty much have barely any support, especially from family members. At least my co workers are supportive and consider that I'm vegan with things, unlike my parents who joke about me needing to eat animals

I wouldn't be concerned about puberty and what causes its start earlier or later and whether its true or not as it really had no influence on where you are at right now in life, what you're trying to do and any family opposition against you.

I am glad to hear how well you are doing. Its something you should be proud of. You can't choose family and sometimes we get bad ones. Don't let what they say or do hold you back just because they don't understand and are not supportive. Here's how you need to look at it:

There is a story of the bucket of crabs. There is one crab trying to escape the fate that awaits him if he stays in the bucket, eventually becoming someones dinner. But he is unable to escape because all the other crabs latch onto him with their claws and draw him back in.

That is so true of humans. The one who wants to do something different rather than hang with the crowd, wants to improve their situation, is often feeling held back by those close to him and around him and of course, the closest is family, mate and best friend. Rather than give in, give up the fight to get ahead and make progress toward your goal, the thing to do is resist their teasing, non support and actually trying to convince you to just give up and do what they are doing. This means you'll have to go it alone, without the support but sometimes that is what an individual has to do to survive or reach their goals and dreams and get ahead.

If your whole family invited you to join them on the local bridge and say they were all going to jump off the bridge holding hands, and want you to join them, would you allow them to convince you to do that? Heck No! It would be ludicrous, insane of course. You wouldn't even give them a chance to try to convince you. YOu might be terribly worried about their ideas and choice and try to talk them out of it, but sometimes, we can't change to course a family member is on and that hurts real bad to watch. If their decisions and lifestyle in the end cuts their life shorter, then so be it. No one will change until deep inside they have a desire too, like you. YOu can't make that desire appear in them. So your efforts need to be focused on obtaining your goal, not convincing or changing the views of your family, for if you do, you may too easily get pulled back into the bucket of crabs and you dont want to end up stuck there.
Good luck dear.

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So being a 12 year old Catholic, I go to religion school (it didn't start yet for this year though) and we learned when you die you get judged then your taken to heaven, a place of eternal reward, hell, a place of eternal punishment, and then there's purgatory, a place in between, where you can, idk, holy yourself and save your soul? But it confuses me because if you've lived a bad life you go to hell. How could you end up in purgatory and get a second chance? And what does it look like? I always imagined it as a waiting room where sad and angry spirits sat in chairs until they could leave. But that's just my imagining. Any opinions?

Catholic and Roman Catholics seem to be the few who believe in Purgatory. The idea behind it is that they haven't done anything bad enough to end up in Hell but are still not clean enough to enter Heaven. Its supposed to be a place where in essense souls can get clean, a Holy showers of sorts I suppose.
The problem with all teachings about what happens after death is that no matter if one beleives only in one life and has never been there before, or whether a person believes in reincarnation and yet we're all born with no memory of the spiritual plane after we are born into our next mortal body, no one can really know what it is like other than people who have died and come back to life in the hospital and have their stories to share.
I have also read books by people who have gone for hypnosis and had memories come to them from before their current life, like the time in between their last life and current one. Of all those stories I've read, most all have the same similarities...too many for them (in my mind) to be really off and wrong. One young boy died and his angel took him to show him many things, like heaven but also a place called Hell and told him that Hell was not created by God but created by the collective minds of souls who believed the Christians heaven and hell story while on earth. Those who believed they didnt deserve to go to heaven, ended up going there of their own free will. God doesnt send anyone there. And there is an Angel called the Angel of death only because it watches over the dead in Hell until one awakens and says it no longer wants to be there and then the angel takes the soul back to Heaven.

I have also read stories of those who died who told stories of what happens to soul immediately after dying. Here is where the stories of a purgatory may have come from. As you can see, I do give lots of credence to so many stories from different people who all say pretty much the same things. And one is that when a soul has left its earthly body that it isn't in shape/health yet for living a period of time in heaven before going back to another life or living for good in heaven. The reason being that all of us as souls have experienced our own stresses and horrors on earth, being abused, beaten, stolen from, bullied, neglected, or war experiences and much more. All of this has an effect on the souls that the people who died saw before they came back to life. They saw souls that looked damaged, hurt, full of holes, pieces missing. So what happens immediately is that they go to a portion of heaven where they are attended to by healing spirits/souls whose job is to bring a soul back to full soul health. Once healthy again, the soul gets to have a long 'down' time in which they get to relax, play, vacation and just enjoy and area of heaven meant for souls to have fun stress free environment in which to play without any worries or concerns. Many believe that there are different jobs in Heaven or that a soul can review their past life later, once ready and then decide when they are ready to go back again for another life. Very few ever said that a soul had the one life and goes to heaven for good and never has another life. The different lives are like the different grade levels in school and there is always more a soul can learn but that they get a choice as to what they want to work on and which of several lives they can choose to be born into. I can't verify all this as I have not been there recently and have no memory of it all myself from before my current life. But from all that, my best guess is that purgatory is actually a wonderful separate place in Heaven where all souls recently done with a life on earth go to be healed and to have down time to recooperate, not to be cleansed of evil but maybe the hurts and damages of evil done to them while they were on earth. I assume Heaven is a hundred times prettier than the prettiest scenes you've ever seen on earth so I assume your 'purgatory' or my "soul recovery center' to be just as beautiful and wonderful as the rest of heaven.
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When I was walking, a butterfly kept flying around me. It was so beautiful. And I felt a positive presence. So what does it mean?

If you are looking for a sign or omen from the occurance being a message for you, then us not knowing whats going on in your life and things possibly coming up for you, will not be able to give the best interpretation. What does a butterfly mean to you? I had a lot of dragonflys show up and even land on me, in places where there was no water nearby. TO me a dragonfly undergoes great change in its life beginning as a worm under water that begins to transform at some point, compelled to climb reeds to the surface where it becomes a dragonfly to fly away. A butterfly undergoes much the same transformation, from the pupus to the butterfly. It could merely be a confirmation that big change is coming in your life. However you may be the best judge of what it actually means to you. Heres another example, lets say the seeing butterflies is one of the things in nature that makes you feel happy and positive about life. It could be a sign to you that great happyness is coming, especially if theres recently been some hardships, losses, grieving...a sign that things will be looking up for you. See, only you really know whats going on and there really isn't a wrong way to interpret what it means as it will mean something different depending on the person who takes it as a sign in their life.

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Hi i was with my fiance. his penis touched my back hole and anus but he didnt discharge on vagina instead he discharge above anus. when i went to clean i didnt see any discharge on anus but small quantity at stomach.. at vagina there was alot of discharge because i was also excited, im v worrying that this can cause pregnency?

Sperm doesnt last long outside his body and needs to be near the entrance to your vagina to get safely in quickly.
THere is a very small possibility of something traveling the short distance of his liquid ran into your liquid in the folds outside vagina and safely found its way inside. Slim but a possibily. To help you understand this better:
Ever get a bladder infection after a bout of diarrhea no matter how careful you wipe? I have, several times in life. Its an icky subject, sorry, but sometimes if one has the squirts from behind, some of the anal liquid can land closer to the front before you can wipe even the proper front to back only swipe and so I've put 2 and 2 together over the years when I got bladder infections right after. The pee hole is right above the vagina so in the same vicinity. I am just sharing that part to explain the probability part. THe fluid you found towards the front may have all been your own and not his but theres no 100% way to know. So if its still within a couple days since sex and you want the reassurance, take the morning after pill, plan B, available at a pharmacy, just ask the pharmacist where to find it if you dont see it. Then I would plan to get on the pill or some other type of birth control to protect you from becoming pregnant due to situations like these. These are some of the ways a gal can become pregnant and still be a virgin. The penis doesnt need to get inside, just his sperm. Its very unlikely but there have been cases of girls who had the guy come somewhere outside her and become pregnant. If you dont want to become that one slim possibility, use plan B and have the peace of mind.
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I keep doing something I shouldn't, and something I don't want to do until I start doing it. And I shouldn't do it, but I do. I hadn't for months, but then I did it again today. I really don't want to ever again, and I hope I won't. I won't. But I might get caught, and if I do, that won't make a difference. It'll be over, I'll be screwed, and I really just feel dirty and bad, and I know I'll feel better in a few days, but I can't guarantee definitely I won't do it again. And even if I don't, I regret it and feel bad. And I can't ask for help, I'd be in trouble and all my actions would be misconstrued. Basically... I'm sorry.

You give little for me to know what your problem is, only that it is something you repeat, try to resist, eventually cave in to it as willpower to resist fails. And you believe or know having been warned by someone that if it happens again you'll be in the kind of trouble you dont want. Most destructive repetitive behavior will affect jobs and relationships, so I assume its something that affects your ability to do your job or something you do on the job, or it is something that destroys trust in a relationship, hurts the other person, etc.
You already realize its something that needs to stop and that is good. Some people have an issue and don't see it as a problem or if they do recognize it as an issue, dont want to change it or fix it and seek help to stop it.


I will say that my opinion is that most repetitive, bad, destructive, hurtful behaviors, just can't be stopped by sheer willpower. It would be nice if that were so, and if so, you would not be here now sharing your issue. You did say you can't ask for help. I do not know if you meant us or if you meant professional help, but in most cases, whatever the situation may be, it involves negative or destructions patterns set in place that need to be dismantled before you can break the bad habit or destructive behavior. I also happen to believe that people who do seek professional help aren't always helped because just someone talking at you and giving out medications only helps a very slim amount of the people seen. I don't know if this is why you feel you cant ask for help. But I do know personally people who have been helped by something called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy and some psychologists do use that with patients now, many are trained to use that now with patients and there are books for individuals to learn how to understand what is really causing them to repeat an unwanted behavior, identify the cause, which usually starts with negative thought patterns, and involves the subconconscious mind too.
If just a bad habit, depending on what it is, hynotism can help break that. But in all other cases, one likely will need to try CBT. You may not think of it as a mental disorder and It may not be but anything that involves negative thoughts, that comes from the mind either the conscious or subconscious and without going into it, there are reasons under which your subconscious mind will cause a person to do something as a sort of self fulfilling prophecy or to help you obtain that which you think about and dwell upon the most, believing that the constant thoughts means it is something good you need or want and will force your actions to make it come true and actually happen whether in truth that thing is a good thing or a bad thing. thats the problem with the subconscious that all of us have and it holds us back in life from trying or causes us to do things that aren't helpful, a waste of time and sometimes really bad and destructive and it all starts somewhere in the mind. And thats why i mention CBT as the best chance you have of finding a way to stop what ever it is you are doing, along with the professional help of someone who uses that therapy.
There are books available. Just to give you a better idea, take a look at this website, check out all the links, read the comments of people helped/cure from all sorts of problems. And good luck. Don't give up cus nothing else has worked so far. You want that last thing to try or you wouldn't have written us. So try this link and you might ask there also for Dr.s in your area who use CBT.
www.feelinggood.com

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21/f
I just don't like people!
I've read that a lot of people say or feel this way when they've had a lot of bad experiences, been bullied etc.
But this is not the case for me. I haven't been bullied and my experiences were never really that "bad". (I haven't been hurt etc.) I just feel like people bore me and I just can't find anyone who I actually like or sympathise with. Everyone is so pretictable and socializing just drains me because I can't stand to listen to daily boring conversations about meaningless things. The only person I can stand to be around is my boyfriend. But that's only because we can sit in a room together, enjoying eachothers company, without having to make conversation all the time. And when we do talk, I feel like he understands me. The fact that I have no friends doesn't depress me. I am happy being by myself. I do get invited to parties sometimes, but I decline because I feel like it's way too much work, since I don't enjoy myself around other humans. But recently I've actually started disliking people who try to make contact with me. There is one person in university, who was being quite nice to me. It was okay at first and we actually hung out a little, but after a while it got annoying and I started hating him for no reason. Now he keeps looking at me and it makes me think things like "Who does he think he is, what makes him think that he can look at me?". Same with an acquaintance who lives further away. We chat on facebook sometimes and I am fine with that. But now he keeps calling me and tells me that he wants to visit me soon (We've seen eachother in person many times, so he's not a stranger on the internet), and I just get super angry at that. No, I am not afraid of being close with someone and I am also not afraid of loss. There just isn't anyone, who I WANT to be close with because I can't relate to them and they just annoy me. I also don't feel empathy towards humans. Sometimes I even chuckle or think things like "ha-ha!", when something bad happens.
I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, but I don't care if people do get hurt.
I feel a lot of empathy towards animals though, so I doubt that I am a psychopath or anything like that. I love animals, I feel joy whenever I am around my cats. I don't expect anything from them, I'm just happy when they're there. And I don't need them to follow commands, so me liking animals has nothing to do with the fact that they don't talk back and listen to everything I say. (Which they don't, because they're cats) I even like that they have a mind of their own and only cuddle with me when they WANT to and not because they worship me.
I just feel so drained from being around people every day and having to make conversation (which I don't even do a lot). Whenever I get home from classes, I just sleep for 1-3 hours, because I'm really really tired.
I am not a sad or depressed person, when I can be by myself, I do things that I enjoy and it makes me happy.
I don't even want to change that I'd rather be alone, I just need some help on how to deal with NOT being alone. How can I get rid of the hatred towards people who show an interest in me? And how can being around them be less draining? Has anyone ever felt the same?

English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.

I could never tell English wasnt your 1st language as you communicated perfectly!
The only thing that comes to mind is that some people have personality types where they prefer to be loners, are easily irritated by others wanting to socialize with them, try hard to keep people from getting into your personal circle meaning, you want them at further than arms length away, and of course lots of the things you mentioned about yourself. these personality types are the miniority in society but are just as valid a personality as any other. That fact that most dont understand you is likely because the majority they meet are one of two types that are friendly and social and actually like meeting people.
I am glad you have given this thought and can rule out psychopath, sociopath and that it is not due to a past filled with bad experiences.
That only leaves the possibility of a social disorder or it being normal for your personality type. A person with a social disorder more often laments the lack of ability to connect with people, wanting to know how, rather than be bored with and want to avoid them so I dont believe that applies. I could be wrong but you expressed yourself well and thoroughly so my tendency is to think its based on your personality type. If you care to determine if you fit a particular personality type and it can explain away who you are, that might be helpful to you. If you have a name or label you can present to the chatty friendly type where you can say, this is the type of person I am so I don't enjoy socializing and don't want any people in my life, then so be it. But I would advise you learning to rein in your temper and anger and not let it out on the unsuspecting who assume you are as social and approachable as most. They deserve to be their cheery outgoing self as much as you deserve to be you. Heres what you can do. Explain kindly that you are not a social person, not interested and ask that they do not approach you or make any further attempts. If they approach you a second time, remind them you told them once already that you are not social, you werent just in a bad mood as they might think but this is who you are and you do not want to talk or meet or anything but be left alone. And if they approach you again, the 3rd time you will not be very nice with them. All along here, talk firmly but not in anger. If someone doesnt honor your wishes and comes at you a 3rd time, let em have it. No reason for hitting or violence but I am talking about no more Mr/Ms Nice guy and giving them a piece of your mind with angry tones now. I am a Scorpio and as such have had to learn to rein in my temper and I use this formula all the time in life. Most people do not come back a third time to do the thing I've asked them not to. Its over issues other than approaching me social as I am the Supporter type personality and very approachable.
I have not personally felt drained being around crowds of people. there is such a thing as an individual who is what is termed, an energy Vampire but this is rare. I have on occasion felt it. The person doesnt know they are doing it either. Instead of sucking blood, this sort of person sucks energy out of you to boost their lagging or non existant energy levels. Its common in people with social and mental disorders who do things to actually lose or use up their personal energy too quickly and can happen also in those who are chronically physicallly ill. I have a relative like that and only on occasion when her energy is low and I am around her do I end up feeling shaky and nervous, agitated, tired and just drained, even if she was just being friendly. Subconsciously the body just reaches out and starts to pull energy out of others. If this is happening to you with ALL people, they can't all be energy vampires and there might be something in your make up and makes you more vulnerable and easy for even those who dont need your energy to suck it from you. I would have to suggest seeing a counselor for that.
Regarding feeling hatred towards people interested in you, again hold your temper and explain to any guys who start to show an interest and actively try to pursue you that you are just trying to brush him off cus you aren't interested in him but interested in others. the fact is you just aren't interested in any relationships, boy-girl relationships, friend relationships and so on. Or with men, if you are female, you could tell them you are gay (homosexual) and that will instantly end any romantic pursuit from men. However I assume you're either in school or have a job and need to interact at a basic level with students, teachers, or co-workers and supervisor or boss/employer. You will need to learn to determine what is the needed talking interacting regarding doing the work and when a person is straying, trying to take it into a social/buddy conversation. I believe that if social people want to ask how the other is or what they did last weekend, that is fine as long as the school studies and/or job gets done. You need to realize that most people are not like you. Many are fake and don't really care, many having annoying social habits, but there are always the well meaning intentions of people like me mixed in. I had a cubicle mate much like you. I learned to keep talk strictly to the job, not socialize and certainly not stand anywheres near her. Her sister was opposite, approachable and the kind to give a pat on the back in encouragement as the supervisor she was. Not all people will adjust as quickly as I did. But you must do your best. Say nothing when irritated, just take many deep breaths before you do respond and remind lets say a co worker that you are glad to talk strictly about work related things because in an office, it is important to have good communication and help each other but remind the person you are not the social type. Its not them, its you, you prefer to not socialize. You dont want to make them feel bad or guilty for who they are but just remind them to seek friends elsewhere. ANd enjoy your cats.
Good luck.

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What does HW responsible mean?

cant say about the word responsible and you dont share the situation in which you found those words so you have a better chance of determining what the HW stands for. Heres a link to a page with 51 things that HW might stand for.

http://www.acronymfinder.com/HW.html

in a search for just HW on the net, there are a lot of hits for a company called Headwaters Incorporated regarding stock in the company. Thats all i've got. So if this doesnt help, perhaps if you give a little more detail as to where you saw it, like if you read it in a book, what was the book about, if you recieved a letter in the mail with HW responsible in the text, then who did the letter come from and what was it regarding or in response to, what business do you have with the sender of the letter. This kind of info may help lots better so someone might be able to help.

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My sister had a premature baby this past summer whose about to get out of the hospital most likely next week. My parents and I went down there when he was born, but went home after we knew that everything was gonna be alright and planned to go back when he got out of the hospital.

Now, here's my problem. I've been sick lately with this strange respiratory thing and my doctor told me not to go near the baby until it goes away, which she said could be a while. I'm not gonna be able to go visit my sister or the baby from September 17th until probably when we go to our family's Christmas. I feel bad because I know she'll be disappointed, maybe even hurt if I'm not there next week, but I can't let the baby catch this virus.

What's scary is that I was a day later than I was supposed to be to get to town for the baby's gender reveal party because I didn't feel well. I don't want her, my brother in law, of anyone else to think that I just conveniently get sick every time I'm supposed to go visit her.

My phone's been malfunctioning lately and because of that, I haven't been able to talk to my sister. I don't want her to think that I don't answer her calls or respond to her texts because I'm not interested in hearing how she and the baby are. I live in the same town as my parents and have told them about my phone, but I don't know if they've told her.

Now, everyone's probably thinking, "Just tell your sister what's going on. She'll understand. Of course she's not gonna want you around the baby." But my concern is that she either won't believe that I really am sick or she won't believe that I've remained sick for that long. What am I gonna do to prevent hurting her feeling and making her Think I don't care about her or the baby?

So the problem is that you have a negative thought pattern showing regarding this situation. Is this the only time in your life you have feared the worst in a situation, of being misunderstood? If this is a pattern for you, you may want to get professional help. Second, has your sister ever not believed you in multiple situations in the past and thought the worst of you that you are avoiding her cus you dont like her or something? How many times has this happened? If its never happened, then you are letting your negative thought rule your actions meaning you remain frozen undecided as to what to do and suffer in the meanwhile emotionally. You say you live in the same town as the parents, hopefully close enough to visit, can't you check with them if they have told sis and what her reaction was? Why would you believe that as family they would not explain your not appearing or responding, they are adults old enough to know that your sister is likely to wonder what is up and you are family, so its likely 97% sure they said something unless some event caused it to slip their minds. Your asking them now in person would remind them if thats the case and they could call and inform sis what is up.
How often have you not been believed by people when you explain yourself? Is there a history of this happening more often than not.
See, you are not responsible for how another persons brain perceives and processes any information regarding you. What counts is that you know you are in the right, have done all you can in the circumstances and that your heart is in the right place. If others have a problem with taking things wrong, taking things personally, and jumping to conclusions regarding anything you say or do or dont do, then it would be the other person who has a problem with a negative thought pattern that holds them up in life. It is something only they can get treatment for to get better. Same for you. So the real issue here is...who has the on going problem with a negative thought pattern? If sister does, it should be obvious by now because it wouldn't just be you but other family, friends and anyone else that she has problems believing and always questions others real intentions. If she's never displayed that kind of behavior, then perhaps its you. I am not trying to put you down dear. It is just a fact that humans naturally tend to think more negative thoughts first before thinking positive ones and I have to admit it happens to me all the time. the difference for me why its not a problem is because I've learned how to not dwell on them and allow my emotions to get all caught up in it. When I recognize a negative thought come to mind like, "Did I do something wrong cus that store clerk just sounded awful snooty when she talked to me but was nice to the person before me." I would have to capture that thought. Obviously I was just standing in line, waiting my turn doing nothing so there is absolutely no reason for me to be at blame so I can relax and not take it personally. I can also try to be more observant as the clue may be in front of me. Does she have frown lines, look to be in pain, rubbing her forehead cus maybe she's kinda short with me cus she's simply got a raging headache. i can put myself in her shoes. I've been there and know when I am in pain, I dont mean to but have sounded a bit harsh too with others. Maybe the customer before me was giving her a hard time and complaining and threatening and she just used up all her positive energy on trying to diffuse the situation and the customer affected her mood so now she unconsciously snaps at me. I dont have to take it personally and can go a step further and say something to help her feel better, serious or joking like "I promise to not be a nasty customer like the last one so you can relax again" or "I am so sorry that person dumped on you. It's not you dear. I always like your cheery friendly personality. He's the one with the problem. Just let that negative crap he threw at you roll off like water on a ducks back." I use this as I have done this and it sure helps the clerk feel better and sometimes I even get a sorry from them for not actiing friendly. Its really about you having a positive frame of mind and using it to communicate positively with others even in life situations that are negative, no matter if its questionable and looks like you could be at fault or the other. People today are so afraid to talk to others or say anything, even explain things for fear of getting their head chewed off. Granted there are a few people in this world that you will come across in public who are always unhappy, can never be pleased, carry a chip on their shoulder, and have an anger problem. I have witnessed many people in public recieving the brunt of such a persons ugliness and I hasten to go counteract that with some encouraging, kind words after they've gone. So yes, you may at times run across a person like this and the situation may be such that you cannot just walk away from such an individual especially if in a service industry. You need to realize that these types of angry people are the m.inority and that it was nothing you did wrong in most cases. even if you or someone else did an error, it can never be any so great that it warrants that kind of nasty negative treatment from a person. You need good perspective here with your situation. You worry about things before they happen or more likely things that never do develop or turn out exactly as you worried about. So why spend a life worrying about things when you can live a life without worry?

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I feel so unloved. I am 23 and have never been in a relationship. I do not get along with my family and don't have a single person in my family I feel I can trust or is truly there for me. I am living alone in a new place, and I really do like it, but I don't have friends yet. I've been really disconnected from some of my old friends lately, as we are on our own separate paths. I've never been a relationship person. I've always been the emotional drama queen in my family and that caused a lot of issues in the family dynamic. In the past few weeks I got to know a guy over tinder, who I had really high hopes for. As soon as I implied I wanted to hang out with him and get to know him in a public place for our first meeting (as opposed to as opposed to what he did, asking me every night after midnight to come over his house, which I didn't do) he stopped texting me. I feel extremely disappointed and rejected. Every time something like this happens I feel more and more like I'll never find love. Not in a boyfriend, not in my family. I just feel really alone and unloved. I feel like I am obsessed with my career as s defense mechanism. When it comes down to it I think I just want to be a part of the vast human experience that involves love

You yourself admit you've never been a relationship person, followed by stating you are the emotional drama queen. When everyone including family want to keep you at arms length and don't seem to enjoy being around you and wanting you in their lives, you kind of have to wonder if its something you are doing? You wouldn't even have to say a word or do a thing because people can pick up with their subconscious the invisible signals that go out from you that make a person not want to approach you in the first place. It may not be obvious to you as to what the issue is but sometimes people exhibit a social behavior that turns off people and keeps them at arms length. Now everyone is entitled to be the center of attention at some point, thats normal, but when it is the kind of attention sought by being a drama queen as you said, that pushes people away. Another vibe that a person emits that turns off others is low self confidence, verbally putting oneself or others down all the time, being a fair weather friend meaning you only seek out people when you Need something from them, not to be there for them and give to them. When there isn't a balance of give and take and equal caring and love, there is an imbalance and that will kill relationships too.
Sometimes a person is born without the natural instincts most others have to just know how to act socially and reciprocate. I couldn't tell you what you might be doing wrong but I know it can easily be fixed. I would think it is high time for you to seek out a counselor and let them know whats going on and perhaps a professional with expertise on such things will be able to give you the best advice on what to do.
Do not believe that for some reason you are unloveable and have nothing to give to society as that is not true. I can say that not knowing you because it is simply a fact of life that we all are precious and lovable and have something to give in the world of ourselves. Just for you, it may not come as naturally and you may need to be taught. In addition to seeing a counselor, if it were me, I'd get some books on how to relate to people and since you're likely feeling a bit depressed too, you might try "Feeling Good" by Dr. David D. Burns. This is a book that can help with feeling depressed and unwanted because there are usually some negative thoughts that are always at the root of all our problems in life. I've read it and it helped me as the abused wife in a relationship after i left him. But I still think its best to also see a counselor who deals with this kind of thing and if they can discover a disorder you may have, they'll have the tools to help you learn to work around it and get positive results in life. Once you have some tools and knowledge of how to go about relating the best ways socially you will see things improve. As for men, you will attract one, after you've dealt with yourself, learning to be the best and healthiest person emotionally and mentally and also self confident as a test done with men proved that men are very attracted to self confidence in a lady. When I was seeking a 2nd husband thru a dating site, my self confidence in the words of my profile and how I spoke and communicated in person drew the attention of many men. I even had one needy guy begging me to choose him as the next love in my life. I of course didnt go for him but the most self confident man who had the attributes and things in common with me as well. So I'd say you're a couple steps away from finding yourself a boyfriend yet but it is highly possible. Let me know how things go and what you discover from reading books on the subject and what your counselor says as I'd like to be your on going cheering team! to encourage you on ward.

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I'm 16/f and I was masterbating with a object and it doesn't hurt and I'm not on my period so anyway I'm bleeding blood from there and I don't know what to do and I don't want to tell my parents. And I have been masterbating with a object for a while because I wanted to feel good but I have never bleed from my vagina while masterbating. And I'm a virgin please help me!!!!

There's such a thing as perhaps being too rough with yourself, or maybe scratching the skin inside your vagina with a fingernail or a really fine abrasive part on any object you used. The skin there is really sensitive and tender and can easily be stretched too much also without proper lubrication and bleed a little. You may get some spotting or pinkish liquid every time you wipe after peeing, but in a couple days it should stop. Even with a long time boyfriend, husband sex partner, a female can at times have some blood due to it being a bit too rough. Its not a bad thing,just like having a hickey is not bad and will heal on its own. You have nothing to worry about unless there is extremely strong pain or you have an incredibly strong flow that is filling pads almost as fast as you can change them. Those are the things my gyncologist always asked if I ever experienced and to make an immediate appt if it ever occured. Other than that, you're likely just fine.

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I'm trying to find an ONLINE job proofreading, writing (poetry), editing writing pages, selling photos I take (photography), or anything like that.

I hope it's not too much to ask, but I've been looking for ages and I'm seriously depressed because I don't have a good job. I can't do anything in the public because I have severe anxiety that will never go away and can't do factories either. All I have is online. I would love the most to sell my photography (and read up tips to get better of course.) but I need a job in that to pay enough to live off of. So please, can anyone help a very depressed person?

And don't tell me to see my psychiatrist. I do that. Nor my therapist. I do that. Doesn't help. It's my lack of a job that depresses me so horribly.

Thank you for the help

Hon, I dont have suggestions for what to look for online. I understand you feel you have no choice but to find work to do online since you've been unable to get good results and freedom from your anxieties with your current treatment. However, all I have to offer is one more thing you might try regarding your anxieties. If you are willing to try anything that might help you overcome them, even if a zillions things so far haven't worked, what if this one thing I share with you is the one and only thing that does have the ability to help you. Are you willing to overlook it due to great dissappoint from past treatments and possibly deny yourself that chance of relief if it does work? I've read the comments of people it has helped and therefore want to share it with you. What i am talking about is called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. cognitive meaning thoughts and it is usually negative thinking or thought patterns that are behind a lot of mentall disorders, including anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. Although all of those can have their own unique issues. A friend who overcame depression by reading one of these books by the author I will mention gave me a copy to share with my ex while I was stilled married to him. He had mental illness and I read it. He was unwilling, didn't beleive he had a problem and only went to see a Dr a couple times cus he thought that might convince me to stay with him evne if he did nothing to improve his behavior which was abusive and destructive towards me. No therapist, psychologist or book on the matter can help anyone who isn't really wanting to get better and willing to work on it. It takes work. I used the same therapys in one of the books to help me after leaving him, I was messed up as his victim and needed that help and it worked.
I read the book Feeling good, by Dr. David D. Burns. He used to practice as a psychologist. He tursted medication over a new therapy his collegues came to know of called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. tHEY encouraged him to think of a patient who got no imrovement from his counseling and medication therapy to get them the exercises of CBT to try on their own. He got patients to try this and they felt better almost immediately and many are now totally cured. I have no association to this person and nothing to gain from pointing you in this direction dear. So it's simply something I really believe in and wish you to give good consideration. I will post the website of this Dr. You dont have to support him or buy his books but I beleive that CBT will help you. If your current therapist doesnt know about it or believe in it, then if not buying any books to work on it yourself, consider asking for therapists in your area that do practice CBT with their patients. You owe it to yourself dear. Read the comments on the website of those helped by the books. That should get you excited enough to have even a glimmer of hope.

http://feelinggood.com/

Wishing you the best for an anxiety free future really soon and lots of job opportunities therefore.....

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My wife posted a very slanted and highly edited version of the events that have led to the breakdown in our marriage here yesterday. She has shown me it today and has agreed to let me now post the full story without any details omitted, so that all the facts can be taken into account before any advice is given.

We have been together 5 years, married for 3, I have a 7 year old step-child and Emily is currently pregnant with my child. In yesterday's account, she implied the sole reason for me considering leaving was finding out about a threesome she had with two males when she was younger. She painted me as "paranoid" and, for lack of a better word, abusive. The truth is Emily has had a serious issue with compulsive lying for as long as I've known her. When we first got together, she told me that she had been raped at knifepoint when she was a teenager, however every time she told this story the details were a little different and didn't quite add up. She later admitted she made it up. Yesterday she mentioned making up "awful" things about me to other men for attention, what she didn't specify is the awful thing was allegations of domestic abuse. She not only told this story to men she was interested in to make them feel more comfortable with meeting her, but also to a lot of my male friends.

The reason I found out about the threesome in her past, was because she was having an ongoing custody battle with her ex-boyfriend. Emily had always told me this man had no intention of seeing his daughter, so I had adopted her and raised her as my own. Even though me and Emily agreed if he ever came back we would let him see his daughter, when he called to try and arrange this, Emily screened his call and blamed me. This man also heard Emily's allegations of domestic abuse towards me and rang the social services, who investigated us. Obviously, as I'd done nothing wrong, this case was dismissed. In her ex partner's witness statement against Emily, he cited the threesome as the reason their relationship broke down. When I asked Emily about it, because it didn't seem like something I'd ever imagine she would do, at first she denied it. Then she admitted it, but said they raped her. Then when I said I would contact the people involved, she admitted it was consensual.

Emily's compulsive lying has perforated every aspect of our lives, even on a day-to-day basis. The lies and fabricated stories are frequent and taken to extremes. She once had a "pretend" phone call with a company simply because she had forgot to make an order I'd asked if she could do, implying the company were to blame, despite my reassurances it didn't matter and she could put a stop to it at any time. Afterwards, when I asked if I could see her phone to see if she'd actually dialed a number, only then did she admit it. She is seeing a psychologist tomorrow and we suspect she may have borderline personality disorder or something similar. She has always been very flirty with other men and I strongly suspect she may have cheated, although I cannot confirm that. On one occasion she got very drunk and angered one of her friends by trying it on with her ex, they stormed out as a couple and Emily followed them in her car, was arrested and lost her driving license for a year. I considered leaving at that point, but Emily promised she would change so I stayed, but things haven't got any better since then. I do not love her anymore and can't trust anything she says to me, but with a son on the way I feel trapped. Whilst Emily promises she can change and that she loves me, her pathological lying makes it utterly impossible for me to know what's real about her and what isn't. I do not want to be a weekend dad, but I also don't want to raise my children in a loveless, unhealthy environment. Emily says that the love and trust will come back in time if I persevere through this "rough patch", but I don't believe I will ever be able to forgive or forget everything that has happened.

I love what missundersmock had to share. I would say all the same to you.
Regarding that a couple might love each other and not be perfect for each other is very true. I have seen that in other couples who've split up and yet remained friends as they remarried. I am an older person and have lived long enough to see this pan out many times. Although I will say that in my experience, I've found this concept only applied to two individual who both clearly had no mental/emotional issues, challenges or illnesses.

What both of you have described comes across to me as a compulsive issue and the attention seeking, impulsive lying, etc are all symptoms that can apply to multiple mental disorders, all of which include some kind of negative thought process. Our thoughts being cognitions, or consider it cognitive behavioral issues. therefore, something in the wifes thought processes causes her to then act out destructive behavior. There are a few mental disorders that even with medication and therapy do not improve enough for a relationship to survive it, but most relationships can be healed if the person with the mental disorders is healed first either with therapy, medication or a combo of both. The husband if he wants to save the marriage will support her going to a psychologist, one whom I hope deals with and believes in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy which is important for the husband to learn what it is so he can help the wife when negative thoughts or untrue statements come along at first out of habit. So far he's been diligent and very observing and grilled her until she has confessed the truth. He may need to have a working knowlege of how to continue to assist her along with her willingness to do the homework and work on her weaknesses outside of the visits to a psychologist. I will say right now that marriage therapy would be a good idea, however just seeing a marriage counselor who has no connection to the psychologist she sees, or if you choose a marriage counselor instead of her getting help from a psychologist is not going to help at all. I know, I had an ex with mental issues who went to a counselor by in the end didn't want to get better and still felt nothing was really wrong with him so I had to leave him as the situation was never going to improve, and believe me, could not improve without the willingness of the one with issues to admit they have a problem and want to fix that problem. It seems the wife here does realize she does and wants to fix it, so in that you both have a great chance of ending up with a happy healthy relationship. To the wife, trust takes a longer time to rebuild the second time around, maybe a lot longer than you may think is fair, if you can deal with that, theres a chance. I was the one who received terrible abusive treatment from my ex hus band. I started with love for you but over time he got worse and the bad times of his behavior outweighed the good ways he treated me until it was all bad. That treatment slowed chipped away at my love until I no longer had any feelings of love for him. If he had wanted to imrove, I was loyal enough I would have stayed and allowed the months or years it would take to rekindle that love. So the key here is the wife in willingness and being successful in becoming mentally and emotionally healthy before the marriage can even have a chance and at which point I think marriage counseling IN addition to her personal counseling would fit in. I'd ask her psychologist about that.

And finally, I am serious when I mention CBT as a therapy as well as medications if needed. Medication and just regular counseling alone do not have as great a success rate of helping to change a person with problems a CBT does. SO I would suggest that you both read over a website i am going to post a link to. I have read the book, Feeling Good by this Dr. who was once a psychologist who didn't believe in CBT until a collegue challenged him to try it on a patient not getting better by medication therapy. Its a website of Dr. David D. Burns who now devotes his time to educating individuals how to use certain techniques in addition to seeing a psychologist to get better results and get better faster. I highly advise reading it and the comments of people helped by this therapy and his books. If it ends up the wife sees her psychologist and the person doesnt use cognitive behavioral therapy in their practice, then You might want to contact Dr. Burns to get a list of Drs. in your area that do use this type of teaching to help their patients. And there's no reason why you cant order some of the books from your bookstore to help in addition to her visits to psychologist. Here's the website link:

http://feelinggood.com/

Good luck and blessings to both of you.

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Does he like me?
So.... I have a crush on this guy, and I am not sure if he likes me back. It is a little hard to tell. People tell me it s because of his Aspergers. That doesn t bother me at all, if anything it makes like him more. I have spent hours researching and trying to find ways to talk to him, but I am afraid because I don t want to bother him or anything.

I met him last year, and we were hanging out with someone friends. When he first saw me, he stared at me and wouldn t look away from me. He helped me carry things and even leaned on me ( I am 5 0" and he is 6 3") he was very close to me and didnt mind being like that.

Another time he hung out with our mutual friends, they played around and said we should go into a closet (we were in school) and he grabbed me and kinda play pulled me toward the closet and was laughing.

There were a few moments like that and he had even said he was interested in dating me. But that was a few months ago.

I saw him again in school and kinda developed feelings for him. He doesn t talk to me and seems to purposely avoid me. If this means he doesnt like me, I wish I could take a hint...

My friends told him to hug me, and he did, which was surprising since he HATES being touched...

Any advice???

fIRST thing that needs to happen is that both you and he do something because you want to do it, not because friends told you to or coerced you to do so for any reason. Just because someone else thinks someone is perfect for you doesnt make it so. Theres a lot of history to prove it with arranged marriages by the sets of parents for their children. Some turned out but many were awful and perhaps abusive and very unhappy at the least. You need to decide for yourself if YOU want to get a chance to get to know him better and see if you still like him. You do need to give signs of response or take action to show that you have an interest in him. People can't read minds. SO he may be waitng for some response. I had a buddy, girlfriend in highschool who had aspergers. It seems the worst I saw was her doing all the talking rarely giving me a chance to talk and repeating stories to me often. She loved to spend time with me which we did often away from school doing all sorts of crafty things. My favorite was when we decided to create sugar eggs for Easter. As a female I've always liked crafty things and it was fun. So you have to think of things that are fun for you that he might like. Ask if you can hang out with him as a friend. The best of relationships starts with friendship and soon after works into romance if the chemistry is there. So make the move and ask him to hang out with you. He'll know this means you are intereested in him and most likely will respond because he has shown signs of interest in you with the staring and coming up to stand near you and find reasons or excuses to be touching you in any way....classic examples of young peoples interest. Don't wait for him to make a move first as you;ve likely confused him but no response to him. Guys are actually pretty scared, unsure of themselves and fragile to getting hurt from what they perceive as rejection or real rejection. they can be even more scared than a girl would be in the same case. So really, dating and getting somewhere in dating is really a world of opportunity for females. We need to simply make the moves first, say things to encourage the guy we like. They like to know they are wanted, needed and admired. So complement him, tell him something you like about him, bring up something he's done that you liked or admire. And if you may have something that you could use a little help with, ask for his help. All of that will make him feel special around you and know you like him. go for it!

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This is year is my junior year of high school, and my first prom ever. It is a tradition at my all girl school to not bring a date but to bring all your friends. One of my friends suggested to bring all of my friends plus one other girl. The only problem is, I am not allowed to hang out with this girl and I don't want to. She's a bad person and had caused a lot of trouble in our friend group.I really love my friend, but I don't understand why she wants to include her in this. I'm not trying to be mean, and my mom would flip if she knew she was included. I want to go with all my other friends, except that girl. What do I do?

All I can think of is, yes, a prom is a public event but usually exclusive to those who attend that school and the guests they invite. If the troublesome girl attends this school, then she has a right to show up. If she doesnt attend and needs to be invited to have a reason to attend, then don't invite her. You fear what the other girls would have to say if you didn't invite her. Talk to them and let them know your Mother doesnt wish for you to purposely associate with her anylonger and you don't want to lose any privileges by going against her. So this means you will be inviting them but not inviting her.

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Hello all. I'm a 19 year old female college student. Several months ago, whilst black out drunk at my friend's apartment, I groped his roommate. I have no recollection of this, but apparently I rubbed the guy's crotch. Several people were in the room with us at the time. I think he asked me to stop and I believe I did.

The next day, my friend's roommate was discussing the events of the previous night with my friend, and said something like, "if the roles were reversed, and I did that to her, she'd be calling the police." When my friend told me this I felt absolutely awful, like a complete monster. I asked him to apologize to his roommate for me and he said that my apology was accepted and that his roommate understood that I was drunk.

I still feel really bad, like a sexual predator or something. I'm really worried that I harmed my friend's roommate, although my friend said that in all honesty he's pretty sure his roommate has long forgotten about it. Months have passed and I can't get over it. How can I forgive myself and move on?

I like the advice about facing the thing that weighs so heavy on your mind by basically facing your fears, your fears that this made a bad impression or harmed the other person even tho told it didn't. The thing is, you were and still are too embarassed by what you did to actually face the guy again while sober and had your friend/his roommate do it for you. Until you do it yourself, you may not get over the embarassment.
Sometimes it takes having an experience like this to learn some thing where you make adjustments in the way you live your life and your decision making so that you won't have to ever face consequences like this again from having your judgement impaired by alcohol. I enjoy drinking alcohol as much as the next person, but then again, I am the type of person who hates losing control over my body, my actions and my thoughts, thinking and decision making. So when I get to the point that I reach for my drink and slightly miss it or can't set it back down smoothly...I stop drinking... and would advise you learn to do the same. Don't even finish whats in the class or can, and switch to water, or something else non alcoholic, coffee perhaps. I also find that the more active I am, the sooner I burn some of it off and regain motor control like if there is dancing, or music I will get up and dance.
Keep in mind that until a person reaches at least their mid 20s or later that the part of the brain responsible to good decision making and foreseeing possible consequences such as you experienced, is in fact compromised due to the immaturity of this frontal lobe of the brain. It is the last part of a human to finish growing and maturing and until it does, we are prone to still making bad decisions and choices if we dont really stop to think things out or ask for opinions and advice BEFORE making a decision. At least you are writing in to us now, after the fact for advice and that is a good start. Mark this down as a learning experience and resolve to make better decisions in the future. this means making drinking plans ahead of time and the resolve to stick with them. Life is a learning experience from birth until we hit the grave. We can alway learn something if we are open to accepting our errors and learning from it and working on doing better or the best we can in life. Errors and mistakes are part of the learning process and as such are a good integral part of the process. You can only feel bad about what you did if you choose no corrective action for next time and continue to repeat doing crazy things under the influence of alcohol. Only then can you feel bad about yourself because then you are not making a solid good adult decision but a foolish one. Also keep in mind, we're always more critical, judgemental and harsh on ourselves than we are on others. If others forgive you, then you should accept and forgive yourself. And part of that process involves grabbing the negative thoughts of unforgivenness the moment they enter your mind and telling yourself they no longer belong there because.....

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Hi!
I've been dating the same guy for 5 months and before it was official, we had a thing off and on. I feel for him
Very strongly and can't see myself with anyone else.
However. His little sister started dating my ex boyfriend . Him and I only dated for a good month. But he's been chasing after me ever since. We're super close friends but have been on rocky roads lately. And I guess ...I'm scared to lose him? He's dated other people before my boyfriends little sister, and I didn't have any jealousy
Problems with those girls. And I am truly happy
For him.. I just.. Idk. Am jealous?
I guess what I'm asking is.. How do I cope/deal with this? I'm
Very happy with my current boyfriend and wouldn't give him up
For anything .
So, is there anyway to deal with this ?

Razhie has a good point, you may have thrived on the extra attention and I can relate to that in a way. In youth group, I made friends with guys easier than girls and a group of them had a band they were forming and asked me for help on their lyrics and eventually the singing. Not that any of them dated me, or liked me and pursued me, that wasn't the case. But whenever the guys went anywhere, I was the girl they invited along as a friend and I very much enjoyed being around so much attention, even on a friend level from so many males.
Jealousy it self is an indicator that you fear a loss of something. So unless you were hoping to patch things up with your ex, dump the current guy and get back together with the ex, then you can't really be losing anything.
Perhaps what bothers you is that maybe the sister ends up being a better match for him than you were and then you think you might feel deficient or lacking in some way as a female.
I tend to think that most likely...this is what is ultimately bothering you even if you haven't really focused enough to realize it yet. Ask yourself if you really think that if the ex can be happier with her than he was with you, would it make you feel bad about yourself simply cus you couldn't be that for him, even if you dont want him back?
If you can agree this is the case, then I need you to realize that is a negative thought not based in any reality. Heres why. Life and relationships are complicated. And one person can never be the exact perfect match for everyone else on the planet because all of us are so very unique. We all have our own likes, preferances, our own personality and characteristics, and morals, beliefs, views, hopes and dreams and the list goes on. Then there is also that thing called chemistry which is actually pheremones that all people emit. Invisible to the eye but there neverthe -less and it is something we can't change about us, so unless a pheremone connection between two people is close or matching, neither is going to have lasting interest and desire in each other beyond the initial new relationship energy which can minic a pheremone connection but doesnt last forever. So you need to realize that there isn't anything wrong with not being the perfect connection for him but that you are perfect for someone, perhaps several someones as you'll find in your life. thats why when one partner dies from illness or accident that often the remaining partner can find another person perfect for them to love. In dating, you learn to go from what you thought as perfect for you to the next person being even more perfect for you, a learning process in which you never settle for less, but keep improving with your choice of each boyfriend you have. So your current boyfriend should not be a replacement for your ex. but an improvement for you personally from your ex. This is the way it is between romantic matches and unless one person truly has personal issues they aren't aware of that are destructive to relationships, then it is no fault of either person that a relationship needs to end. If you can truly believe this about yourself and each time such thoughts come to the forefront of your mind you tell yourself that both of you were nice people but not right for each other then you should find yourself becoming at peace with the reality. I believe that since it is your boyfriends sister that you fear there may be occasions where you might see the two of them together at family get togethers like a Barbe cue and fear that would feel awkward since you used to date him. If you can truly understand and believe what I just told you, then trust me, there are no awkward feelings. I have past boyfriend before meeting my 2nd husband whom I even was sexual with and talking to or seeing them with their current girlfriends isn't awkward or weird for either of us. We understand the dynamics of relationships and have moved on and are happy for each other. You can be too. If you have any more questions, just let me know by writing to me from my column. Good luck!!

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Hi I'm 16 years old and recently I have been on summer vacation, in the beginnings of summer I had this friend who would constantly call me every day or at least every two-three days twice. In July I didn't mind it because I wasn't busy and I was bored so I'd answer her phone calls but now that it's August back to school is next week I've been busy. She calls me 24/7 and I'm not exaggerating in July I went to a party and she called me after I told I was at the party. The next day I went on a walk with my friend she called!!, I went to the mall with my family she called!! The list goes on and on. So finally August I just dodged all her calls because enough was enough because she always talked about the same thing and I was just done with it. Now she's mad at me and I can tell because I texted her saying I went to another country (went to Buffalo, USA) from Canada which where I live is a 3 hour drive and all she said was "lol" then I told her I'd call her on Monday and she never replied since. What do I do to get her to stop calling without getting her mad? School starts next Tuesday

She sounds needy. That just means that she has a need that isn't getting met perhaps that she isn't even aware of in the first place.
In a nutshell, one could say she doensnt have much of anything going on in her life and that saying "Get A Life!" could apply. However it wouldn't help her much. So I agree it might help to ask her the kind of questions that reveal to you why she calls so often.
You know how some people get addicted to 'reality' shows on TV, watching the lives of other familys unfold like 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' and '19 Kids and counting'. Some people would rather nose in on the details of everyone elses life than learning to discover and live their own. In ways it is less scary. Perhaps she feels too shy, anxiety or fear of exploring things in her own life. Perhaps she has certain behaviors that turn off, turn away and essentially kill friendships and you're the only friend she has left..I dont really know. Perhaps she is simply very bored and has nothing to do to occupy her time and her mind. With the school year there is some form and structure to her days but on vacation, there is none set up for her and she needs to come up with things she'd like to do. She may not know of any interests she has yet and won't until she does try new things. She may feel anything she does to keep busy is going to cost money and the parents may not have any so she just sits around being bored. If you really care about her, you will ask enough questions to discover if she is truly bored and has nothing to occupy her time, she has no life. encourage her to try new things, things that even you and her may not have in common. The list in endless. She could even find what nearby agencies take on teen volunteers to help in food banks, programs that wrap gifts for children in poor families, helping to maintain trails in local park along with other volunteers. Volunteering helps to boost ones self worth and give confidence and just feel good about oneself. She could try a new hobby, maybe writing, poems, stories, singing kareoke, making jewelry, learning to bake if she doesn't and then once good, come up with her own recipes, painting, sewing, etc. Or try a sport, take up jogging or join a biking club or other clubs. As I said the list is endless. If she is directed into things to occupy her time and life, and she still persists, you will need to point out that the average person does not call any other person that often, not even their best friend or marriage partner, not unless there is simply that simply occupying their mind and their life doesnt help. She needs to stop calling so often. If she finds she just can't stop doing it, its a bad habit that she may need the help of a professional counselor to stop doing. Yes, you tell her that part too so she is already aware she needs to stop the frequent calling and if she finds she cant, she knows you wont get angry but just remind her to talk to her mom and you;d be willing to go with her to mom and let her know how much of an issue this is, that she's tried to stop and finds she just can't. It could be one beginning sign of an Obsessive Compulsive disorder but there is help for that in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. She'd want to find a therapist who deals with that therapy and it means she would learn how to not act obsessively anymore and become normal...if this is her worst case scenerio. It may not at all be her problem, but I am telling you as her friend because if it ends up later unsolved and on going, her Mom will need to know and you can urge her to tell Mom or go with her to talk to her mom and you may share what I have written if need be. Good luck dear.

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Okay...so I am a practicing hedge witch. I am not a satanist, niether do I hurt anyone, controll anyone, make poisons, sacrifice goats or do anything to harm anything or anyone...infact I do quite the oposite..I make home made remedies from herbs ect, to help peoples illnesses and beauty problems, I help as much wildlife as I can (I have had multiple resued wildlife from crows with broken wings to a snail with a broken shell.) I'm just a genuinely peacefull person who goes out of their way to help anything or anyone. So why, do i get so much abuse from christians? I've done nothing wrong towards them at all...I thaught it was suposed to be a peacefull religion that respects everyone and every living thing yet they abuse people who do a better job at meating ther religions teachings than what they do...and im not even close to a christian...

remember, even in an advicecolumn the answers you will get are a cross-section of what the beliefs and bias's are in society.

I chose as a teen to become a Christian. While in the church, I chose to actually believe and work towards being able to hear from God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They all talked about being able to hear from God and have a personal relationship and also to teach that certain things were taboo and evil. I realized how wrong they were when after seeing a naturopath dr. which they do support, and that Dr. suggested I see an acupuncturist who ended up being a very spiritual person, but when Christians learned I'd been to see one, I told told I'd need cleansing and must stop going to one as acupuncturist are evil and of the devil. I kinda knew something was really 'Off' long before that but it hadn't personally affected me until then. Thats when I realized that many, not all Christians were blindly believing whatever they were taught and told especially from pastors on up such as what they paid good money to be taught in colleges of divinity to become church pastors, assuming that since it came from a recognized established Christian college that it must all be true. Very few people in the church exercise their own brain to think for themselves, taking the easy way out of choosing to believe what they are told and yet feel they are doing the right thing. We were warned not to read other religious books or manuels. I thought because it was to protect us from satanic attack when the only purpose was to keep us unenlightened.
Despite that all, the Holy Spirit worked diligently with me in the church setting to prepare me for a spirit path that led out of the church to my first experience with other people who were spiritual and that would be the pagans, wiccans, witches, solitarys and druids.
Now a Christian would simply state that the devil got a hold of me somehow. I know deep down inside that it isn't so for it has been the working of the Holy Spirit within me working with me for about 30 yrs of life from age 16 on until I got to the point of really recognizing the H.S. and trusting it explicitly. If you are interested I;d be glad to share some of those stories.
During the last couple of those 30 yrs when the HS knew I was ready, I was led to books in bookstores that I wasn't looking for but had stories of Christian psychics, Christians who'd died and come back to life and while dead saw many in heaven who had been from all the religions that supposedly don't get into heaven, and many other such things. I wasn't looking and didn't believe in Spirit guides but when it happened to me, it was in a way that I could not refute as a coincidence and I asked the H.S. about it and was reassured it was for real but to go ahead and give them a test to prove it, not for them but for me and my stipulations of the test were met. (Another interesting story) And then came the day the H.S. asked if I would believe if it told me Reincarnation is real. That was the final puzzle piece that shook my world. I hadn't felt I belonged any longer in the church. It was a chore to listen to sermons that seemed to me to be the ' baby food' a bible verse warns believers to stop feeding upon. So I stopped attending and soon met some pagans thru a nudist group and soon knew many of the pagans in my area thru city wide organized get togethers. An eye opener to learn that Christianity got many of its rituals and Holy days from the pagan belief system to long ago make Christianity seem more palatable to non christians so they might be more apt to make the switch over. I read a book of Christianity and paganism being sister religions. And here I am today, able to know that indeed as a Hedgewitch or greenwitch is the other name, that you are not a satanist as pagans don't believe in the Devil or hell or that Jesus died for our sins. We may believe Jesus does exist and some may believe He is god. I've run into Christian-pagans. I still had some unanswered questions in my mind and was then introduced to the Urantia book by my new husband. That answered the few things I still pondered about. As you can see, it takes a willingness to really trust that which one sees as deity, be it Goddess (which i beleive is one and the same as the Holy Spirit) or God by any other name. All religions and believes have at least a nugget or a bigger piece of the truth but all also have their misconceptions. It takes having an open mind and being willing to use ones own mind along with trusting God to lead them correctly that a Christian can make such a big change to come to understand who and what witches or pagans are. I have seen more success in healing within the pagan community after being on prayer teams at church. I guess is Christians believe that in some cases, God wants a person to suffer for some reason and that it must be Gods will and that negative belief is what stops the healing energy from flowin thru us as it did with Jesus. It also takes the person in need believing too that they deserve healing as much as anyone else. It doesnt come from the devil but rather from human vessels unblocked by negative thoughts thru which the healing from the universe/our creator can flow. I started with Reiki but even that for healing was too much structure and the Goddess told me to trust her in what I did. When I concentrate, I have my own images in my mind I visualize or draw with my hands to help the same as any items used in a witches rituals or what one might call it spell. Christians have their own rituals and dont realize it. Prayer and laying on of hands or annointing a person in prayer etc. is ritual.

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Ive had nexaplanon implant fitted in my arm and i havnt had a period for two months but have had bad shock pains down below but no sign of bleeding is there anything i can do to stop or try and relieve some pain before i go and get it seen to thanks in advance

As with any drug prescribed and that includes birth control, there can be side effects and its possible that you are having a side effect reaction.
Here's a link to a listing of the known side effects to Nexaplanon and the article mentions these are the only known side effects currently but doesnt rule out the possibility of more.
There is nothing a person can do themselves to get rid of side effects to a drug. Your bodys chemistry doesnt like it and is reacting against it and will continue to do so until that drug is no longer taken. So you will need it removed and need to try something different. Make sure Dr. gives you a full description of all your other options.
http://www.drugs.com/sfx/nexplanon-side-effects.html

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