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Boyfriend's sis is dating my ex? Weird jealousy?
Hi!
I've been dating the same guy for 5 months and before it was official, we had a thing off and on. I feel for him
Very strongly and can't see myself with anyone else.
However. His little sister started dating my ex boyfriend . Him and I only dated for a good month. But he's been chasing after me ever since. We're super close friends but have been on rocky roads lately. And I guess ...I'm scared to lose him? He's dated other people before my boyfriends little sister, and I didn't have any jealousy
Problems with those girls. And I am truly happy
For him.. I just.. Idk. Am jealous?
I guess what I'm asking is.. How do I cope/deal with this? I'm
Very happy with my current boyfriend and wouldn't give him up
For anything .
So, is there anyway to deal with this ?
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Razhie has a good point, you may have thrived on the extra attention and I can relate to that in a way. In youth group, I made friends with guys easier than girls and a group of them had a band they were forming and asked me for help on their lyrics and eventually the singing. Not that any of them dated me, or liked me and pursued me, that wasn't the case. But whenever the guys went anywhere, I was the girl they invited along as a friend and I very much enjoyed being around so much attention, even on a friend level from so many males.
Jealousy it self is an indicator that you fear a loss of something. So unless you were hoping to patch things up with your ex, dump the current guy and get back together with the ex, then you can't really be losing anything.
Perhaps what bothers you is that maybe the sister ends up being a better match for him than you were and then you think you might feel deficient or lacking in some way as a female.
I tend to think that most likely...this is what is ultimately bothering you even if you haven't really focused enough to realize it yet. Ask yourself if you really think that if the ex can be happier with her than he was with you, would it make you feel bad about yourself simply cus you couldn't be that for him, even if you dont want him back?
If you can agree this is the case, then I need you to realize that is a negative thought not based in any reality. Heres why. Life and relationships are complicated. And one person can never be the exact perfect match for everyone else on the planet because all of us are so very unique. We all have our own likes, preferances, our own personality and characteristics, and morals, beliefs, views, hopes and dreams and the list goes on. Then there is also that thing called chemistry which is actually pheremones that all people emit. Invisible to the eye but there neverthe -less and it is something we can't change about us, so unless a pheremone connection between two people is close or matching, neither is going to have lasting interest and desire in each other beyond the initial new relationship energy which can minic a pheremone connection but doesnt last forever. So you need to realize that there isn't anything wrong with not being the perfect connection for him but that you are perfect for someone, perhaps several someones as you'll find in your life. thats why when one partner dies from illness or accident that often the remaining partner can find another person perfect for them to love. In dating, you learn to go from what you thought as perfect for you to the next person being even more perfect for you, a learning process in which you never settle for less, but keep improving with your choice of each boyfriend you have. So your current boyfriend should not be a replacement for your ex. but an improvement for you personally from your ex. This is the way it is between romantic matches and unless one person truly has personal issues they aren't aware of that are destructive to relationships, then it is no fault of either person that a relationship needs to end. If you can truly believe this about yourself and each time such thoughts come to the forefront of your mind you tell yourself that both of you were nice people but not right for each other then you should find yourself becoming at peace with the reality. I believe that since it is your boyfriends sister that you fear there may be occasions where you might see the two of them together at family get togethers like a Barbe cue and fear that would feel awkward since you used to date him. If you can truly understand and believe what I just told you, then trust me, there are no awkward feelings. I have past boyfriend before meeting my 2nd husband whom I even was sexual with and talking to or seeing them with their current girlfriends isn't awkward or weird for either of us. We understand the dynamics of relationships and have moved on and are happy for each other. You can be too. If you have any more questions, just let me know by writing to me from my column. Good luck!!
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There is no trick. You just suck it up and deal with it.
Here's the painful truth: Your probably liked the fact this guy was chasing after you. It's nice to have someone like you that much - even if you don't like them back, but that was a shitty deal for him. If he's found someone he is really into, that is actually a great thing. It means you might actually be able to develop a real friendship with your ex, instead of a twisted, unhealthy balance where he is still hung up on you, and you are seeing other people. That situation was always going to get rocky, and lead to drama, because it was unbalanced and hurtful.
You 'lost' this guy a long time ago - when you broke up. It might make you sad that he is no longer chasing you, but that's a good and healthy thing to have happen! That means he's finally caught up with the reality of the situation and has moved on.
Just be kind and respectful of them both. It's okay to be sad that you've lost your exes attention, but remember that it's for the best. It's the first step towards a real, respectful friendship between the two of you, and it was something he desperately needed in his life. He couldn't keep chasing your forever -that would have been terrible for you both.
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