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Should I be cautious of my new boyfriend or am I being over-analytical?
So I know this might sound weird (because I think it does) but I've only met my boyfriend twice since I started dating him less than a week ago.
He asked me to be his girlfriend on the 2nd date and I said yes because I really liked him. I'm 21 (so is he) and in the past I've been in a LTR for over 2 years and after that ended I went on probably around 12 dates and I just didn't really feel like I "clicked" with any of the other guys but this guy was different. It was like we were meant for each other. We think the same way, we're looking for the same things in a relationship, we have similar life goals, we have chemistry. It was crazy, I kept telling my closest friends how bizarre it is because it's literally like we're soulmates.
Fast forward and it's been 5 days since I've seen him. He's really busy working this week but he texts me consistently, always calling me darling, babe, ect and saying he cant wait to see me again.
I'm getting worried now as I'm seeing red flags that some of the stories he tells me about himself might not be true. For instance, he claims to have an at-home job teaching people to make money that makes him a lot of money but when I asked him to show me he sent me a screencap of a facebook group that looked like it was something anybody could make up.
He also said he trades stocks but when I asked him more about that he said it's just Apple and Mcdonald's which I think is suspicious because I had brought up Apple stock earlier this week after it was in the news. I asked him to tell me more about stocks and to my surprise he did know a lot about them and how trading works, which of course I expected that he was lying earlier so I didn't think he would.
I found his Tumblr which says he's into modeling (he's not a model) but I suppose I could have mistaken this for him being interested in modeling. He had all kinds of selfie posts including ones from just last night telling people to kik (message) him. I wound up asking him for his Tumblr even though I already had it (to see if he would give it to me) and he did but when I checked his Tumblr again he had deleted all of those posts.
He also says things like he's being signed by a label for music he produces which he really does because I've listened to his songs and seen videos of him performing in the studio but he's not popular by any means so I'm not sure who would sign him.
There were other things too, he said he was going to look for a house and we set a date to see showings (I've worked in real estate so I could help him) and then that never happened after I got in contact with a realtor and everything. He also had me give the realtor all of my information instead of his so I would be the point of contact while looking for a house for HIM. Doesn't make any sense to me.
Of course I don't want to confront him about all of it because then if he is telling the truth I look like I'm paranoid and overcritical.
Am I just thinking too much into things and looking for dirt on him that doesn't exist or do I have something here?
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Yes, you should be cautious especially at the beginning of a new relationship when you haven't spent any length of calender time together...I am talking many months to a year.
A good many people when wanting to meet someone and impress them may pretend to be someone they are not, stretch the truth, or lie just to catch the others attention, and admiration. What they pretend may not even be to cover up some nasty personality traits, just be a personality they think is more interesting and likely to find a mate. Since he asked on the 2nd date, sounds like he was/is desperate to have a girlfriend and truly believed that just being himself wasn't good enough for you.
The trouble with this is a person gets used to being false and lieing to you/is a habitual liar. It could also point to having such a low self image that he feels the need to portray a different self image. What you are seeing are definate signs that something is up. And you are doing the right thing is slyly investigating him without letting him know up front that you are doing do. Heck, all people pretty much have their own ways to check out a new acquaintance to see if they can be trusted as a friend or something more. Those who don't leave themselve open to disappointment or being taken advantage of, to unhappiness, etc.
Right now, you can only know the things he had chosen to Show you. What I look for over time is consistancy, the ability to without fail BE all those character traits deep inside the person no matter what outside influence happens, what things from daily life happen to the individual. For example, losing ones job can mean the individual has a right to feel glum, a bit depressed and not their usual self and want your cheering up. It means tho they have no right to verbally unleash all their anger and frustration upon you.
My opinion Hon, if you had caught just one thing he said that seems to not be true, I can see a young school boy doing this to gain a girls attention. But he is doing the same thing in many different situations, that sends up red flags to me. I'd hold off making any real tying commitments to him like living together and I would never have committed to being his girlfriend. My way was to tell guys that I was in the exploratory stage of dating several guys at once until I got to know them all well enough to make an educated decision as to which one I would commit to date exclusively and be girlfriend of. I did this in 40s after a divorce and it worked really well, the guys understood and were not jealous because to the average normal healthy minded person, this makes absolute sense.
I had a vebally abusive ex. So I watched prospective men friends closely and was on a dating site. One contradicted himself many times and I could go ba ck to his past messages to re read and see for myself the inconsistancies. So I did not accuse him of anything in tone of voice, just said I was asking for clarification as somethings he said were the opposite in further emails. And most likely he unintentionally wrote it down awkwardly so I misunderstood. Well, he came unglued and called to start yelling at me that a person has the option to change their mind of they want to, that its not a crime. My reaction, no calls back to him and crosses him off my list. By reacting so sensitively and taking things personally when I did not accuse him but merely asked for clarification, showed he takes lots of things personally and most likly had an explosive temper and anger problem. Two months later he changed his profile name and wrote to me again with all his same pics in there after I blocked him. When I saw it was him again, I blocked his new profile. Another, after many dates that went fine and he seemed a promising guy, invited me to dinner at his house and he cooked for me. When I arrived, he apologized for his house being messy and blamed his hired maid service. The house was immaculate so there was no reason for what he said and his words were actually hateful, spoken with anger and disgust and use of hateful slang towards this person I didnt know. Its true this was the only time I had witnessed it. But in 30 yrs of marriage, I had learned with the ex and how to look for the same in acquiantences, that a person can only pretend to be someone they are not for a short period of time, long enough for them in their minds to hook a person. Somehow they believe once hooked, you'd never leave. The truth is, putting up a false front and trying to constantly remember to stay in that character around you uses up great deals of personal energy and tires one out. So no person can hold this up indefinitely. At some point they crack, and parts of their true character leak out or they let their mask slip.
So whats actually happening when you start to see things that don't look consistant to what they say about themselves or have set up in profiles or even done to convince you otherwise, these not so nice things you see are actually a person's true character coming out. And there is more of that where it came from. When one finds one mouse in the house, there's usually more to be found or there will be more shortly. I have learned unfortunately much later in life and so at your age was taken advantage of and abused in early marriage. I am telling you to let time be the test for him and see if he drops all his ideas of stunts to impress you and just be himself so you can truly get to know him. Worst case scenerio, he is inconsistant, meaning he does not exhibit or ever use any self control, tends to lie if he thinks it will get him somewhere and so is untrustworthy, like to hide and keep secrets as in the removing of posts you'd already seen which he had no knowledge of once you asked if you could be his friend on a site. While not essentially a really bad person in general, these things can play havoc in a relationship over time and cause major problems. Trust and good communication are two important things in a relationship for it to be successful. If trust isn't there or in question, its already a rocky relationship at best.
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