about


advice

what exactly is petite?some people say that i am petite but im not sure.i thought petite is when your shorty or have to wear shorty garments because of your short height but is it also having a slender figure?im 5'0 and i weigh roughly 120 so does that make me petite?im not exactly slender but im not fat but i am short!so am i petite?thanx to all that answer! i will rate!

Well, the word "petite" is french for "small." A petite person is usually on the shorter side, but it basically means just all-around tiny... shorter than average, and also thin. If you shop for clothes in the petites section, you'll find that everything is just scaled down for smaller people... pants, sleeves and tops are all gonna be shorter. If you're 5'0" and 120, then yes, that would be considered petite.

[view]


i hooked up with my friends bf. yes it was stupid and i really regret it so dont tell me how bad it was. I feel terrible but i made a mistake. now everyone knows. what do i do. (we have the same freinds)

Well, it sounds like the only thing you can do is apologize. Tell your friend how sorry you are, how bad you feel, how much you regret it, etc. And be prepared for the possibility that she might not forgive you. That's up to her.

[view]


does anyone know any quotes about you and your boyfriend on the phone, and he falls asleep, or you both fall asleep?


thanks!!

hahah i dont have any quotes but that's happened to me... all of a sudden he stopped talking and i thought he was mad at me and i kept calling his name and saying im sorry, please dont be mad! and then i heard this heavy breathing and i realized he was asleep! hahaha

[view]


So theres this guy whos kinda my friend. He likes me and i dont like him. I'm sorry but i could never like him. Hes just not doing it for me. Hes sweet, but hes not friends with my friends, and hes like my little brother. Hes going to ask me out. What do i do?

Also, my close girlfriend has a boyfriend who told me he loved me the day after he asked my friend out! i said i didnt like him but he said that he wouldnt give up on me. Its so weird because he didnt break up with his gf! i dont know whether to tell my friend or not.

What should i do about both guys??

For the first guy: just be honest with him, and do it right away. Don't beat around the bush about it. When he asks you out, just tell him, "I really, really like you as a friend, but I just don't have feelings for you as a boyfriend. But I really want our friendship to continue!" Yeah, he'll be disappointed, but he'll get over it. And guys really do get over these things quicker than you think! The sooner you let him know, the sooner he can move on. It's much better than dragging things out and making him think there's hope when there's not.

For the other guy: I wouldn't tell your friend about it... that will probably only cause trouble with your friendship. But I would say something to her boyfriend. Next time he says something to you about liking you, tell him, "I'm sorry, but I could never go out with a guy who cheats on his girlfriend. And telling your girlfriend's friend that you love her is pretty much the same as cheating. If you're doing this to my friend, you'd probably do it to me, too... and I don't go out with guys like that."

[view]


Okay, so I’m basically asking about ‘Love’. I know the word is really powerful and so is the feeling. And I’ve noticed people say it when they don’t really mean it. Plus, a lot of people get hurt over it. But, I have a question about it. Is there such thing as ‘puppy love’. You know, I would call it ‘teenage love’. There has to be different kind of loves. Like: the way you ‘love’ your family, the way you ‘love’ your friends, the way you ‘love’ a husband, the way you ‘love’ a pet, and the way you ‘love’ a boyfriend. They can’t all be the same kind of love, can they? Because I am a teenager with a boyfriend that I ‘love’...but not the way you would love a husband or anything. I would almost call it ‘teenage love’ because we are still young. And plus, we don’t really understand the meaning of love, right? So, could anyone explain this to me. I just want to understand the meaning of love a little bit more than I do right now. Is there different types of love? It would be nice to have this explained a little bit further. And it would help if I was told that I make sense or not. Because sometimes, I don’t know what im talking about. I just want this clarified for me. =) Thanks in advance!

I think you're making perfect sense, and you're absolutely right... there are many different types of love. What makes them different is that they're based on different things. For example, the love you feel for a pet is based on affection and a desire to protect and take care of it. The love you feel for your parents is also based on affection, but also respect and trust. The love you feel for a boyfriend will probably include some affection, but it's also gonna include some physical attraction.

I think that "true love" -- the kind where you want to spend the rest of your life with someone -- has to have all of those ingredients at the same time: affection, attraction, respect, admiration, trust, and truly caring about that person's happiness and well-being, to the point where you're willing to give up some of your own happiness to ensure theirs. And it also means really knowing that the person you love feels all those things for you.

When people say "You're too young to know what love is", I think they mean that the love you feel might not have all of the ingredients to be considered "true love." It might have physical attraction, but not respect or trust; or it might have affection, but not much attraction. It can still be love... but just not the "true love" kind of love.

But don't let anyone tell you that you don't really love someone. If you feel like you love someone, then you do! Because like you said, there are many different types of love. But at some point you'll be lucky enough to have all the ingredients together in one relationship, and then you'll know that it's "true love."





[view]


i heard that hungarians and koreans were once related in the past, is that true?

Yes, it's pretty likely that many Hungarians and Koreans share a common ancestry. That's because Hungary was invaded by Mongols and Huns in the 3rd - 5th centuries. The Mongols and Huns were from Central Asia... and they also invaded other parts of Asia, including Korea. (Remember Mulan? The Huns were the bad guys). So yeah... some Hungarians and Koreans can trace their lineage back to common ancestors from Central Asia.

[view]


16/f.

I met a guy online (very stupid idea, I know.) and well...we started talking on MSN (he's 18) for a couple of months. and then he starts telling me he cares for me. then in a week, he loves me and he has a major crush on me.
I'm like...wait wait...hold up..WHAT? You don't even know me..!
My question is....is it possible to actually feel love online?

He keeps on insisting it and I don't know if he's bullshitting me.

Advice?

Well, it's possible that he's "in love" with the person he THINKS you are. But if you've only been talking a few months, and have never met in person... and if YOU actually feel like he doesn't know you... then he can't possibly be in love with the REAL you. He's in love with an idea... just like someone can fall in love with a celebrity they've never met.

The other possibility is that he's saying that in order to gain your trust, but he's actually some kind of weirdo. You just never know.

[view]


17/f.

I can't go places or do things by myself without feeling incredibly self-concious and uncomfortable. I was talking to an older family friend of ours today and he said that to stop being so self-concious and everything that the thing that will probably change me is meeting a boy.
He says I need to find what I am good at and really get into it so I can find someone with similar interests.
How do I find what I'm good at?

Well, I sort of agree with your friend. Finding something you enjoy and can really get involved with is a great way of meeting people with similar interests. And not just guys, but girls too who can become friends and enrich your life. And it's not just about meeting people. Being immersed in something you enjoy just makes you happy!

But you don't necessarily have to be GOOD at something in order to feel good about yourself.

A lot of people think that the only way to be happy or feel good about yourself is to be REALLY GOOD at something -- even the best. And if they don't find something that they really excel at, they feel like a failure. But that is soooo not true! The fact is, not everyone is gonna be super talented at something. We all have certain things we're better at than others, but most of us are just "okay" at a lot of different things. And that's fine! As long as you enjoy what you're doing, just do it for the pure enjoyment of it! Who knows... you may discover a hidden talent at some point, but if you don't, that's nothing to feel bad about.

One more thing. This might sound kinda weird, but... I was at this old cemetery and I was reading some of the tombstones, and one of them said simply, "Harry Smith - He was a Good Friend." And I was like WOW! What a great thing to have someone say about you! Of all the things that could be said about someone -- they were successful, they accomplished blah blah blah -- this just seemed more meaningful than any of those things. So my point is... whatever you do in life, being a nice, decent person is probably the best accomplishment of all... and that can really make you feel good about yourself.

[view]


My problem is simple. My girlfriend is always pertending to be a lesbian with her friends (in front of me!) . They arent making out with each other and i know that they are definetly not real lesbians (or bisexual). I think that they are just trying to make me jealous. What should i do? By the way, im 14 years old and so is she. Now, im not saying that it isnt amusing to watch, but, i want her to give me some public attention, too. What should i do?

I have a friend who's sort of in your same boat. His girlfriend doesn't actually pretend to be a lesbian, but she and her friends always hug each other and say I love you... and it really bugs him. He also gets irritated when they act silly and talk about all their inside jokes. I guess in a way it just makes him feel a little left out.

But the fact is, girls do silly stuff like that. If you make a big deal about it, or let her know it bugs you, it will just become an issue. I say just ignore it... it's probably just a quick phase and they'll stop doing it soon enough. Then they'll move on to some other silly thing that irritates you just as much! HAHA

And just for the record... when guys are with their friends, they do goofy stuff that bugs their girlfriends just as much! So you're not alone. Just try to ignore it.

[view]


A boy and I had gotten really close, and I REALLY like him, more than I should. The other day he told me he cannot persue anything with me because wrestling is coming up and he doesn't think it would be at all fair to me since he is so dedicated to it. I understand, and he said we can be close friends and see how we are after wrestling is over. The problem is, wrestling lasts about 3 months, and so far he has definitely been avoiding me. He won't talk to me. Do you think he was using wrestling as an excuse to end things? I don't know, but it's been hurting me a lot since I like him SO much. I'm trying to be mature about it and to understand and not push, but I'm so upset.

Advice? Thanks in advance.

Well, I hate to say it, but yeah... he was probably using the wrestling as an excuse. Guys can be big cowards when it comes to this stuff, and the last thing they want to do is tell a girl "Sorry, I'm not really that interested." So they come up will all kinds of lame excuses and hope we'll get the hint. But a lot of times we don't get the hint. We want to believe there's still a chance, so we ignore the truth that's right there in plain sight. And the truth is... if a guy really, really likes a girl, he's not going to let ANYTHING get in his way. He's not gonna take any chances of letting her get away. And that's the kind of guy you want, right? One who is so crazy about you that he will do whatever it takes to be with you. Apparently, this guy isn't the one. So my advice is... cut your losses and move on, and look for a guy who has the same feelings for you that you have for him. Cuz he's out there somewhere, trust me.

[view]


I am SICk of sucking up to people but i don't no how to say no.

I jsut hate ti when people have any negative feelings towards me, even like the slightest feeling of annoyed.

Everyone knows that I have some money so they always ask for money but I need the money to last me a week for lunch and i can't say no so I'll give them like 1 dollar

and then in two days, no money.

what should i do?

Just tell them, "Sorry, I wish I could lend you some money, but I need it for lunch this week." That's all you have to say. If they keep begging you, just look real sad and keep saying, "Sorry, I wish I could, but I can't." No one will think badly of you... they'll actually respect you more! It may seem like people will like you more if you do whatever they want, but actually people don't have much respect for someone who lets everyone walk all over them. Just be nice about it, but be firm and stand your ground!

[view]


all the guys in mygrade hate me. they think im a whore cause i dress slutty but i dont mean to. I have no idea what i am doing wrong! i am so sad. please just help all you can

Well, if you dress slutty, people will think you ARE slutty... even if you aren't. And I know that's not really fair, but that's just the way it is. So you have to make a choice based on what's important to you. Is it more important to keep dressing the way you like? Or is it more important to have people's respect?

Others have told you to dress the way you want and not worry about what people think. Well, obviously you ARE worried about what people think, and that's completely natural. We all want to be thought well of. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing the way you dress in order to make a better impression on people. So unless you really DON'T care that people think you're slutty, then I say go ahead and give yourself a style makeover.

[view]


ok this is embarrassing, but there's a teacher in my school who i have every day. He's young and REALLY good looking. haha. every girl thinks so. I'm like nervous to talk to him and stuff (im 14/f) but i don't want this to affect my grade. how can i move past this and focus on the schoolwork and not him?

Well, first of all, don't be embarrassed. I bet just about every girl has had a crush on a teacher or coach or whatever at some point. I know I have!

And don't worry about him knowing that you have a crush on him. If you're shy or nervous around him, he'll probably just think that's your personality. And even if he DID have an idea that you think he's a cutie, it's really no big deal. Good looking guys are used to younger girls getting giggly or starry-eyed around them; if he's a mature, professional person, he's not going to let that affect your grade or his attitude towards you.

As for your schoolwork... just think of it this way. If you work hard and do well in the class, he's going to like you. Not that he's gonna offer you an engagement ring (haha), but hey, it's always nice be thought well of by someone you admire. So just try to enjoy the class... and the view... at the same time!

[view]


15/f
ok i kinda like my boyfriend best friend and one night i had called him and we was talking for a while then our conversation got deep and we started talking about sex and what will happen if he comes see me cuz hes coming down here for christmas im very interested in him b/c hes different but i love my boifriend and i dont want to cheat so do you have any ideas on how to stop liking my boifriend best friend thanx

Well, you can't always control the way you feel... but you can definitely control the way you act. Just because you're attracted to someone, and have a chance to mess around with them, doesn't mean you have to actually do it.

Next time this guy starts talking like that, tell him, "Ya know, I'm feeling kinda guilty talking to you about this because I really like/love my boyfriend. So let's just not talk about this anymore." And then, when he comes down there, don't let yourself get into a situation where you might be tempted to do something you'll regret. Avoid being around him if neccessary, and don't let yourself be alone with him.

It's really good to learn this kind of self control, because this kind of thing will probably happen to you many more times throughout your life. Even when you're married! The truth is, being in love with someone doesn't stop you from being attracted to someone else. There will probably be many times when you'll have a chance to cheat. If you can be strong and resist the tempation, you'll feel so much better about yourself!

[view]


I met this nice Italian guy on Myspace,
and he wanted to know if we could talk
over MSN, so of course, I was like, sure.
He seemed really nice but then he wanted to
get on his webcam, so I said alright.
I've watched other people (non-sexually) on webcam.

Of course I had to tell him: don't strip or anything,
and he said he wouldn't, but then I guess he
changed his mind and took all his clothes off?
I felt weird saying "No" and he obviously wasn't
going to take "No" for an answer.
Oddly, I watched him but felt really nervous the whole time.

Not to sound like a dork or anything,
but I've never really seen a guy close up naked.
However, I was kind of disgusted with this naked guy.
I was also really scared, which is weird,
because most of my friends have actually
had sex with a guy and obviously they are
comfortable with even more than just looking at that!

Is this usual? Is it ok to feel a little freaked out by...male parts?
I am really boy crazy and I love guys, so why
do I freak out so much if I see a naked guy?
What if I'm a Lesbian?

And by the way, I won't be watching that
guy on webcam again so don't worry!

Okay, first of all... male parts ARE pretty freaky looking! I mean, think about it: they have organs hanging outside their body, instead of inside where organs are supposed to be! Weeiirddd! hahahaa

But seriously, I think your reaction was completely normal for the situation. You were looking at some random guy who was obviously trying to turn you on (or more likely, turn himself on by stripping in front of some girl). You were uncomfortable with it, and I think most people in your situation would be thinking "ewwww!"

But don't worry. You won't always have that reaction. When you're with someone you really love, it's completely different! When it's someone you love, and care about, and are completely comfortable with, it's not going to bother you. It's just a part of the person you love. Trust me... you really don't need to be worried about it!

[view]


were can i find or get a job at the age of 15? i would like if its possible to get a listing of place that are within sacramento that i can apply to ? please

Check with the YMCA. They hire younger people as referees for soccer, baseball, basketball, etc. I think the minimum age is 13 or 14.

[view]


My dad is the most hnest peroson i know. But hes been lying to me:: He prommimsed me he doesnt smoke, when i see him do it! When hes going to bed, ill hear the slider door open to the porch, and look out the window.....and there he is smoking. Thats not the first time either. I catch him sometimes really eraly in th morning too sometimes, because i get up really early. Why is he lying?

He's lying because he really doesn't want you to know he smokes. He thinks it will set a bad example for you, and that you may end up smoking too. Also, he's probably told you that smoking is bad, and he doesn't want to look like a hypocrite. He may even be embarrassed about it... he could be hiding it from other people, too, and is afraid you may tell someone if you find out.

Well, obviously you HAVE found out. But don't be too hard on him for lying. The fact that he's hiding it from you shows that he really cares about you. I think you should just keep it to yourself.

[view]


every night my EX IMs me and talks about us having sex and what we would do if we were alone and how great our sex was.. the thing is he has a gf now.. would that in anyway be cheating? its not like were really doing anything were just talking about doing shit..

I think it is cheating. Think about it... if your boyfriend was talking to another girl about having sex with her, how would you feel? Even if he hadn't actually done it (yet), you would still feel betrayed. And that's what cheating is... betraying someone's trust. So yeah. It may feel good to know that your ex is still attracted to you, but allowing him to talk to you that way when he has a gf is the same thing as letting him cheat on her with you.

[view]


I would like to hear some opinions on 14, 15 and 16 year olds having sex. I personally find it heartbreaking when I read these questions from these young people asking about sex and if they are doing it right. They don't even know about the other consquences BESIDES pregnancy and HPV, STDs such as STIs and emoional consequences.

I am only 20, so it wasn't long ago I was this age, and I find this to be ridiculous! What happened to true love? Or waiting until marrige? It seems to me these girls just want to be popular with the boys and the guys want to be popular among boys. Is it just me? Am I crazy?

Yeah, from reading the questions here, you get the impression that every 14 year old is having sex. But I know tons of girls and guys this age, and hardly any of them are having sex. I think what we're seeing here is the minority... and they come here to ask for advice because they have no where else to turn. In all likelihood, their parents aren't very involved or available. If they were, they probably wouldn't be having sex!

Now, I'm not stupid... I know that even teenagers with the strictest, most involved parents will find a way to have sex if they really want to. But when parents aren't around, and there's little supervision, it's a lot easier to get in a situation where sex is a possibilty.

Of the girls who ARE having sex, I think you're right about the reasons, at least paritally. It's not necessarily to be popular, but to be "loved" by the guy they like. A lot of these girls probably don't have much self esteem... they don't believe a guy will like them for who they are, so they think the only way to get or keep a boyfriend is to have sex with him.

But I have to disagree with the person who said that young teenagers are just imitating adults and don't understand sex. The truth is, most girls are sexually mature by age 14. And it wasn't that long ago that girls were getting married at 16, 15 and even 14! Of course, that was a different world... life was tougher and people grew up a lot faster, and those girls were perfectly capable of handling the responsibilities of being a wife and mother.

These days, childhood lasts a lot longer. We aren't treated like adults, or expected to act like adults, until we're in our 20s or out of college. So we mature much later than our ancestors did. But that doesn't change the fact that our bodies are ready for sex in middle school.

So it's not surprising that, given the opportunity and the motivation, some kids are having sex at 14... especially if they don't have much guidance or supervision to prevent it.

[view]


how do you get a guy to feel you up?
Thanks for your advice :)

While you're making out with him, just take his hand and put it where you want it. He'll catch on pretty quick!

[view]



<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker