AskJR's

advice column

about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

hi. i like designing and i was wonderin if anybody know any [free] designing software that i could use.

Designing what?

Interior design?

Graphic art design?

There isn't any "free" interior design software. That is extensive by scanning a picture of a room into the software so you can change colors and re-arrange furniture and change furniture, etc. No freebies there.

Graphic art design? Well, Photoshop and all those offer a free trial "basis" download but is limited and time limited then you have to puchase it and register it to use it.

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well i have a crush on this guy and i wanna show him someone i like him but not come out and say i like you because i just recenlty developed a crush on him but i do wanna flirt with him more and make him see that i do like him because i think he mayyy have a crush on me. i only have 1 class with him and i might see him in the hall. and so far i've talked to him everynight since tue. which is when i first IMed him. so any suggestions on how to flirt more with him but not be too obvious or clingy?

Just talk. Talking is just talking and talking is a sign of compatability and liking someone otherwise you wouldn't talk at all.

You can flirt easily enough by continuing what you're doing. You said you've been talking to him every night for awhile-- online chat? telephone?

Whatever you're doing is working alright enough because you're in the beginnings of a relationship by talking.

All relationships begin by talking and getting to know one another and their likes and dislikes and have in what you have in common, etc.

Flirty questions are always fun, like what his fav band is and color and things like that because they are personal but not too personal.

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okay well this is the 7th time me and my boyfriend have gone out over a period of about two years now.the last time i broke up with him because he never talked to me. we're in the same school but hes a year older than me but our grades share everything. i saw him everyday but he never talked to me so i dumped him and went out with this other kid like 3 days later and we dated for like 5 months.and i broke up with him to date my ex. anyways. i feel like we're back at stage one. but worse. he not only ignores me at school, but online, never answers my texts, and whenever i ask him to hang out he either says ok he'll ask and then never does, pretends to forget and hangs out with other girls and stuff. and it really pisses me off but i try not to show it and when i DO talk to him, i can't help but be a bitch because he pisses me off. i really like him alot, he's my everything. by the way, i'm in 7th grade and hes in 8th. what should i do? i dont want to break up with him as like a wake up call because that wont do any good, i know for sure. any other ideas? sorry this is so long.

What is your problem girl? Can't you take a hint?
He does NOT like you.
Hint-hint-hint.

I don't know how you can say he is your boyfriend when he won't talk to you, especially at school, answer your text messages and then says he'll "hang out" and never does.

He likes other "girls" = plural with an "s" not any one girl, but he's a player.

Why would you break up with him for all those reasons then go back and have those same reasons be worse than ever? Dump him.

Don't ever look back-- he's bad news for you. He does not give you what you need so why bother with him?

There are so many other guys out there that would love to have your attention-- so find them-- that's half the fun!

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turned 13 recently. my mom and i do not get along at all anymore. she hates my friends music clothes me and just how i act. my friends are all i love not my family not my mom not my cousins nothing and nobody else. so my mom makes fun of my friends and says everything she thinks is wrong with them and how they dress and all about them. then i try to get her to stop she talks over me so i cant say anything then i yell then she yells then im grounded. then she says 'o i dont care what you do do whatever you want' then i do then a little while later she get even madder about it. everything i wear that is red purple black brown she gets mad and yells till i change. my jewelry she tells me to take it off then the next day after school its gone she takes my stuff. she tells me to burn things that I like and I wear. im screaming and crying more than ever. but when im around my friends im fine. their gothic their parents let them wear what they want. i cant even get the side bangs. my friend had them and died her hair redish brown it even mainly looks brown its not bad at all. her parents let her. shes having confirmation soon even. i told my mom then she starts saying thats stupid her parents are wrong for letting her do that thats just sick. WTF! why does it matter! now its to the point i have to hide my music i add songs i hate in a folder like glamorous and stuff like that then a folder for the music i like like evanescence and the used and stuff like that and i erased the names on all of them their just numbered. last time she heard it she freaked out yelling at me. then i hide my jewelry in a locked box saying pictures and when id go somewhere i would put some in my purse then wear it on later. my friends say me cry for the first time yesterday. they know about my mom so they came over wearing preppy junk and tried acting different for me so my mom would leave me and them alone. my mom said clothes doesnt make a person. so they said ya so why does it matter its just clothes. my mom said but MY clothes do matter. so all the yelling in my life is for nothing because clothes dont matter. but its who i am its what i like its my body not hers. gothic is another stereotype just like preppy is. my brother is preppy so he gets all he wants. my mom is trying to change me she wants me to dress like a slut all the clothes she gets for me. my Best friend is a guy which can never ever comeover hes even a prep. everyone makes fun of me family cousins strangers and people at school. i can cut my hair it wouldnt help i could cut my wrists just might again deep id be quicker. but im guessing my moms rule is NO friends fun or freedom. ive been going trough this for about 2 years she will not budge i will not either. i will never give up. i tell her all this like one thing everyday till im sent to my room then refuse then get grounded. if she yells ill yell i even told her that. i act calm she yells then i do. i say how prep and goth are both just stereotypes how their just names and how she gives him everything because its a different name. i go through too much for anyone to go through. i only act tough because id be dead 2 years ago if i didnt. i cant get a therepist or even talk to my mom or write what else is there to do before i die and shell never even care. there is no way of ''kindly'' doing anything to her she just wont let me.

13 is a hard age to deal with life and it's crap.

You can't win in this situation because she is the boss.

Do you have a father in the picture? Married and living at home? Divorced and living elsewhere?

I suggest talking to your dad first. Explain what is happening and how you feel and that you're at your wit's end.

Maybe he can help, maybe you can go live with him instead of living with your difficult mom.

This is something I'd have to know in order to help you further.

Otherwise sweetie, you will need to follow her rules under her roof.

Try asking her to sit down and talk with rules. the rules are: 1) listen to the one talking without interupting 2) no yelling, no screaming, no raising your voices 3) both have paper and pen to take notes so not to interupt one another and jot down things to touch base on 4) respect each other as you would want the respect of anyone else

Then, talk. Do not put your mom on the defensive by using words like "you" and "you always..." instead use words like "I feel" and "this makes me feel like..." and "sometimes I get confused because..."

Let her know that you want to make her proud and get her approval, but you want to be 13 also and be like your friends. Let her know that you understand that when she was your age and young, there were fads then too, (I don't know her age but...) maybe the hippie days with free-love and smoking pot and peace and all that junk with bell-bottomed jeans, etc.

Let her know that your clothing isn't any different than hers and just a attitude statement like hers was. That later, when you're 15, you'll be in a different fashion fad than now and it'll pass soon enough but you like it now. Your friends like it and you want to belong and fit in now just like she did at your age.

Ask her want she really wants and expects from you? Do you make good grades now and okay in school-- no trouble? Then mention that. Mention your aspirations of college if you have any, and what you want to be when you graduate. Ask her for her support and encouragement in those aspirations and if you stay on target and on goal, is it okay to where goth clothes or whatever as long as you achieve the goals you've set for yourself.

Ask her if she expects you to help her more around the house if she works and is overloaded...then do it, show her you care and appreciate what all she does and sacrifices for you and show your support of her.

Ask for a truce. A truce in arguing and yelling. A truce in the difference of opinions, and power plays.

Ask for respect. Ask her to treat you like she wants you to treat her. Then both adhere to that.

Give it a shot. You have nothing to loose sweetie.

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i got my preriod very late.. so my boyfriend think that i am pregnant. we went to the clinic for five times and i took five urine test. it all came out negative. i am really scared because my stomach is getting big than it was. after that clinic that i took five urine test, i went to a different clinic. when i took another test. it came out negative.
does this means that i am not pregnant? or the test is just messing up. i've been hearing that the urine test is not accurate and also the blood test. i dont know what to do. they wont let me have a ultra sound so i know if its in there or not.
can someone tell me.. if im pregnant or not. i am really scared and i dont want to have a baby.

You have taken enough urine tests to check for hormonal levels that run high when pregnant and blood test as well for all of them NOT to be wrong. (one test yes possibly, but five or more, no)

You stated you "got your period very late" which indicates you were not pregnant and washed the unfertilized egg and hormones out of your uterus, although it is not uncommon to have that period after becoming pregnant or spotting.

There could be three things going on here:

1) False pregnancy. This generally happens to dogs and cats more than humans, but has been known to happen to humans. You mind is stronger-- and mind over matter is evident. Your body can react to that as if it is pregnant but it is not.

2) You might possibly have a cyst or tumor in your uterus or fallupian tube that is causing the bigger stomach and feelings of pregnancy and inaccuracies.

)You could have had a fallupian tube pregnancy and the fetus is dead and not showing up hormones in the urine and blood tests. Only an ultra-sound will show that.

I personally recommend stop going to these clinics and see an qualified OB/GYN and giving the history of this and asking for an ultra-sound. They WILL do an ultra-sound for all the obvious reasons mentioned.

This will either show a fallupian tube pregnancy that's terminated and not passed yet, a cyst or tumor on one or both ovaries. One way or the other you will get to the bottom of it. If it shows none of these, then you suffered the rare "false pregnancy" syndrome. That can be caused by a sincere wish to be pregnant or great fear of being pregnant because you do not want to be pregnant. Opposites.

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can i get pregnant jus a week before my periods

Yes you can.

You ovulate at different times and the period is strickly to wash out the unfertilized egg and excess hormones that built up on the lining of your uterus so a fertilized egg could attach itself.

You can even be pregnant and go through with that scheduled period as the body does not always act as one expects. It might just be "spotting" but considered a period.

Only a doctor can tell you for sure if you are pregnant by a urinealysis test which tests for hormonal levels which are higher with pregnancy, and a pelvic exam as well.

I hope that helped answer your question and if you need more info, please email me anytime.

JR

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OK, so im newly single, and very glad that im divorced!! My ex is now going steady with another women, and we have childreen of the ages 5, 4, and 2. I was just wondering how to tell my kids that mammy and daddy dont love eachither any more, and daddy loves another women, that not mommy. I know i shouldn't no, i couldnt lie to them because i love them too much, but i dont want to see them hurt. They have started to ask questions, but ive tried to change the subject because i didnt know what to say. I love my kids dearly, but i want them to know the truth without being hurt.. I know that they will ask lots of questions, about divorce, because they are still too young to know what it means yet, so any back up advice would be greatly appreciated also..
thank you in advance,
Kelcie

oh, and if it helps my ex-husband and i have offically been divorced for 5 days, he moved out 2 days ago.. We got divorced because he was cheating on me, and it has taken 2 months to get all the papers sorted out.

Your 5 year old knows more than you think. But the 4 and 2 year old do not.

do not overload your children with facts and truths.

There is an old adage that is true: Let the child ask you what he wants to know when he wants to know it.

Tell them that mommy and daddy love each other and will always be their mommy and daddy no matter what--- BUT that mommy and daddy can not live together happy anymore even though you love each other BECAUSE you both are mommy and daddy to THEM.

Now, daddy has a new girlfriend that he might love too and might marry later and when and if they do, then they get a step-mommy and someone else to love them too.

Stop at that. Allow them to ask you questions. If they do not ask questions then your job is done for now and you've satisfied them.

If they do ask more questions, then answer those questions on their level of understanding. If religious at all, use GOD to finalize the answers, as if GOD planned it this way and it is not up to us to question GOD's decisions.

And that someday, you will meet a wonderful man and get married and they will have a new step-daddy that loves them just like their someday step-mommy.

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Hello...

I have a teen daugter she is 13 and she goes to the mall all the time which I don't mind.But she always brings home clothes and says their her friends or something like that and I found 1 price tag in her room...she has a history of shoplifting but do you think shes at it again ?

Signed,
Questioned

Unfortunately yes. She is shoplifting and expecting you to accept her excuses of friends giving her the clothes or buying them for her.

It speaks for itself. She shoplifted before, and now is smarter than she was and better at it.

But, she will get caught eventually. The more often you do something, the closer and increased chance of consequence follows. It's a gamble and she will eventually loose.

Do not allow her to go to the mall again unless YOU take her and are with her supervising her. Simple.

Don't allow her to continue this and to continue to lie to you and treat you like you are a dumb mother that is gullible.

Yes, she IS shoplifiting. Take it from a mother of two daughters and a son that went through it and all the excuses that follows the deed.

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Well I just found out that I may be pregnant again, I just had my second kid and then had my tubes tide and now he is only 6 months old I just had this gut feeling that I might be so I took a store bought test and it came back positive, so is there really anyway that I can get pregnant that fast after having a baby and my tubes tide?

Fist, you are more apt to become pregnant right after having a baby because you ovulate immediately after birth. Sometimes multiple eggs.

But having a tubal ligation (or tied as you stated) shouldn't have allowed the egg to pass from the ovarian fallupian tubes into the unterus to be fertilized.

Your tubes could have become "tied" and thus, came undone. Talk to the doctor that preformed it. Ask if he tied or lasered them shut. Ligation is lasered.

Most doctors prefer to laser shut the fallupian tubes so they do not come "untied" as they are lasered closed, therefore impossible to undo.

Vasectomies take one year for a man as sperm is still present that long and viable. So birth control is recommended the first year until a sperm count determines there is no more sperm but simply semen.

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THere is a trend out there I guess its spelled emo. Anyways my son has been talking about it for two years but never really acted on it. Two days ago he started dressing im all black and yesterday he puts on eyeliner. I love my son very much, he has always MARCHED TO HIS OWN DRUM AND IVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED HIM. HE IS MOSTLY ANTISOCIAL AND LOVES MUSIC AND THE COMPUTER...HIS NEW FOUND LOVE IS THE CURE. I JUST WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT BEING EMO. NOT TO DOWN HIM BUT TO SUPPORT HIM.....PLEASE HELP

Read: http://www.fourfa.com/

All emo is, is short for emotion.

It's punk music and an emtotional attitude.

He is no different than any teenage generation before him. They all had their "fashions" and "causes" and this will pass as all teenage fads pass.

It's not goth and it's not dangerous. It's an attitude of "emotions"...

I wouldn't worry and I wouldn't talk much about it as it'll take it's couse and pass soon enough.

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i'm planning on heating a needle to make several needle point burns on my hand to make a design. please spare me to you need help gesture, b/c im not doing it to take out pain on myself, im just making a tatoo like burn. what can i do to make sure the scars show up.

A sewing needle is too small and would require numerous burnings on burnings to appear as desired.

Buy a knitting needle since it is larger.

Heat it and begin.

My suggestion first would be to draw on the design you want.

It takes a special pen to do this, so call a tatoo artist and ask if he has one to give you.

Be sure to use a tripeantibiotic ointment or neopsorin ointment on it afterward to protect it from bacteria and infection.

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ok last night i wore a pad
and i got a little blood on my underwear
and i have ben throwing a lot of underwear out
because they are stained too much
how can i try to clean them

Soak blood stained clothing (panties) in COLD water overnight.

Use an Oxy paste or spray on the area, and wash in COLD water.

DO NOT dry in dryer. Hang on platic hanger in bathroom to dry naturally. That way if any blood remains the dryer won't set it in permanenetly.

Do this COLD water soaking immediately though.

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This might be long....but anyway: My parents moved into a house this past summer--a bigger house, that NO BODY but my mom wanted to move into. Okay, so she got her way. That's fine.
Now, a new house needs new things, according to her logic. It seems like almost every time I visit there is new STUFF just piling up; new furniture, new accessories. And it doesn't stop at the house. Ever since I was a kid, she'd buy me new clothes even when I didn't ask. Many of you would think that's gerat, and that I shouldn't complain. But really, I don't NEED the clothes, and I know it's just a manifestation of her shopping addiction. She doesn't splurge millions like a movie star, but I'm still starting to get concerned. It seems like almost every time I see her, she's just bought new things. I don't know if I'm in the minority that doesn't care too much for shopping...but really, how can I bring it to her attention that her behavior is actually destructive? And at the very least, how can i let her know that i really don't want her to buy me new clothes all the time?

Is there a dad in the picture?

If so, talk to him about your feelings and concerns about your mom.

Shopping addiction is a illness and used as a substitute for lacking control of one's own life and some kind of unfulfilled emptiness. It's a momnetary fix.

Talk to your dad whether they are married now or not. The both of you can help get control of this together with team effort.

If not a dad, then sit and talk to your mother and tell her not to buy you anything that you will refuse to accept it from now on and leave it at her house and do not take it! Simple.

Tell your mom that you feel she is substituting shopping for another problem and ask her what is bothering her. Maybe talking will bring it to the surface, maybe talking will help her acknowledge her problem, and maybe lead to seeing a therapist.

Hey, she's your mom and there's nothing to loose and everything to gain...

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How do I port Forward when I am at a my work?
I dont know what type of connection we have (of course its fast) and I dont know what modem we are using...
is there some way I could find out so I can port forawrd.
Thanks a lot guys in advanced guys.

All answers will be rated a 1.
Just joking, I kid , I kid.

You'll have to go into the device mananger to see what modem is used at work.

And the same for your own computer.

But what is "port foward"....? Do you mean FTP?

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Does anyone know how long it typically takes to recover from having a nose job? Let's say that the bone part (bridge) of the nose doesn't need work..and only the tip of the nose (cartillidge..sp?) is reshaped.
AND..can anyone recommend any good plastic surgeons in or around Los Angeles?

You will need to research plastic surgeons in and around Los Angeles yourself. Do not expect others to be responsible for recommending one and it get botched.

Look them up-- google them. Find out their credentials, AMA? Plastic Surgeon Association? Etc.

Call one or two or more and ask them to mail you brochures on rhinoplasty (nose jobs) and the different proceedures and kinds.

Research rhinoplasty on the web--before and after pictures, the proceedures, the tip instead of bridge, etc.

That should be a simple operation because they will not have to break the bridge of the nose to repair the tip of the nose which is soft cartlidge, not hard like the bridge. It will be cut and tucked and stitched instead.

The plastic surgeon you visit (and I recommend three opinions before settling on a surgeon) should have the technology to put your picture in a screen (computer) and alter it to the end result you want to show you what you will look like afterward.

The healing time is shorter than rhinoplsty, but will take at least 6 weeks because of facial swelling. It involves the sinuses and eyes and will swell those too.

Allow 6 weeks to look normal again.

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does anyone know how to say "hi cutie" in tagalog? how do you say it?

A good tagalog site:

http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/Tagalog_mainpage.htm

English to tagalog lookup:

http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/Dictionary/reverse_lookup.htm


ANSWER:
masaya (adj)guwapo(adj)

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Were can I download it for free? Including its games.
Thanks a lot in advanced yall!

I googled it and it is a GUI wrapper. You can download it for free anywhere. Google it.

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im going to cancun this summer, and i want to have fun!, what are the age limits for things there, are they lower then they are in us, and do you have to have parent consent for piercings if your not quite 18? and is there anything legal there that there isnt here?

First of all-- no matter what the answers are-- you have to come back home to your parents and anwser to them regardess.

So the question is mute actually.

Secondly, call a travel agency for all the Cancun brochures you can get, or go pick them up yourself.

Also, go oline and google Cancun and it's laws and age limts. Contact their local tourist agencies and ask. (email them)

No one knows these answers except the Cancun government.

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13/f i'm takin voice lessons this summer and for an assignment, we need to sing a song with a story. any suggestions? :)

thanks

lotsa luv,
liz

Google "ballads" and that's the best bet.

Sheryl Crow had alot of songs with stories.

Carole King did too.

But then again, Collective Soul, Pearl Jam, Smile Sweet Soul and Shinedown have great lyrics-- all stories.

Google lyrics. Go through the A -Z list of artists, and read lyrics by everyone and anyone. You'll find a "story type" song right for you.

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Ok I just broke up with my boyfriend and he hates me. Should I back of and let him chill or should I keep trying to talk to him?

You obviously broke up for a reason.

Remember the reason and how you felt?

Well, he hates you now because you screwed his perfect little world up.

There's a fine line between love and hate, and hate usually wins out in the end.

Let it go. He won't change. You dumped him for a reason.

To get back together is okay for a short time which is called "the honeymoon period" and then it flies by quickly and the old crap starts again over and over and over again.

Forget him. Move on.

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