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ready for suicide
turned 13 recently. my mom and i do not get along at all anymore. she hates my friends music clothes me and just how i act. my friends are all i love not my family not my mom not my cousins nothing and nobody else. so my mom makes fun of my friends and says everything she thinks is wrong with them and how they dress and all about them. then i try to get her to stop she talks over me so i cant say anything then i yell then she yells then im grounded. then she says 'o i dont care what you do do whatever you want' then i do then a little while later she get even madder about it. everything i wear that is red purple black brown she gets mad and yells till i change. my jewelry she tells me to take it off then the next day after school its gone she takes my stuff. she tells me to burn things that I like and I wear. im screaming and crying more than ever. but when im around my friends im fine. their gothic their parents let them wear what they want. i cant even get the side bangs. my friend had them and died her hair redish brown it even mainly looks brown its not bad at all. her parents let her. shes having confirmation soon even. i told my mom then she starts saying thats stupid her parents are wrong for letting her do that thats just sick. WTF! why does it matter! now its to the point i have to hide my music i add songs i hate in a folder like glamorous and stuff like that then a folder for the music i like like evanescence and the used and stuff like that and i erased the names on all of them their just numbered. last time she heard it she freaked out yelling at me. then i hide my jewelry in a locked box saying pictures and when id go somewhere i would put some in my purse then wear it on later. my friends say me cry for the first time yesterday. they know about my mom so they came over wearing preppy junk and tried acting different for me so my mom would leave me and them alone. my mom said clothes doesnt make a person. so they said ya so why does it matter its just clothes. my mom said but MY clothes do matter. so all the yelling in my life is for nothing because clothes dont matter. but its who i am its what i like its my body not hers. gothic is another stereotype just like preppy is. my brother is preppy so he gets all he wants. my mom is trying to change me she wants me to dress like a slut all the clothes she gets for me. my Best friend is a guy which can never ever comeover hes even a prep. everyone makes fun of me family cousins strangers and people at school. i can cut my hair it wouldnt help i could cut my wrists just might again deep id be quicker. but im guessing my moms rule is NO friends fun or freedom. ive been going trough this for about 2 years she will not budge i will not either. i will never give up. i tell her all this like one thing everyday till im sent to my room then refuse then get grounded. if she yells ill yell i even told her that. i act calm she yells then i do. i say how prep and goth are both just stereotypes how their just names and how she gives him everything because its a different name. i go through too much for anyone to go through. i only act tough because id be dead 2 years ago if i didnt. i cant get a therepist or even talk to my mom or write what else is there to do before i die and shell never even care. there is no way of ''kindly'' doing anything to her she just wont let me.
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oh wow, i am so sorry. that is way to tough to figure out what to do. it`s wrong for your mom to judge you for what you wear. the thing about a "goth", "prepy", and what not, is that "goths" are considered bad like they are bad influence and they do bad things like drink, smoke, do drugs and stuff. a "prepy" person is considered more of a better person by the way they dress and stuff. i don`t think that that`s how it is though. i think that`s why your mom is on your case all the time. she probably thinks you`ll go do something stupid and doesn`t want you to.
since you can`t talk to her about it i`m not sure what else there is to do. but don`t hurt your self it isn`t worth it trust me. also maybe you could see a counseler in school and talk to them about it, or an adult. hope i helped at all.
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Send me a message telling me your AIM username if you wish because to help you, it'd be easier to talk to you live.
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"everyone makes fun of me family cousins strangers and people at school"
Then why do you do it? You say that you know that what you wear and what music you listen to does not define who you are. I don't think that you really believe it though. If you did, you would understand what was going on here and you would do what made you happy. Life is about being happy. You are clearly not happy as a goth. You would be if you were the only person in the world, but you're not. Other people define who you are even more than you do yourself. Everything you are has been picked up from someone, somewhere, at some time in your childhood. You are who you make yourself. It's a choice. If everyone is making fun of you for how you are acting, why act that way if it doesn't define who you are anyway? You are choosing to put yourself in this situation. Goth isn't who you are. You are who you are. Nobody, not one single person in the world, can really fit into a category. Your friends will still be your friends if you dress differently. That's because you are still you. You don't have to go around in a pink jumpsuit or dress "preppy". Just dress like a normal person. Don't restrict yourself to goth. Expressing who you are isn't about limiting yourself to one specific idea. It's about being bold and new and doing whatever you want. I think that if you do, you will find that you are so much happier. All of this pain you are feeling right now is self inflicted. Stop hurting yourself and start making better decisions for your life. Get rid of all of these ridiculous categories and just do what makes you happy! <3
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13 is a hard age to deal with life and it's crap.
You can't win in this situation because she is the boss.
Do you have a father in the picture? Married and living at home? Divorced and living elsewhere?
I suggest talking to your dad first. Explain what is happening and how you feel and that you're at your wit's end.
Maybe he can help, maybe you can go live with him instead of living with your difficult mom.
This is something I'd have to know in order to help you further.
Otherwise sweetie, you will need to follow her rules under her roof.
Try asking her to sit down and talk with rules. the rules are: 1) listen to the one talking without interupting 2) no yelling, no screaming, no raising your voices 3) both have paper and pen to take notes so not to interupt one another and jot down things to touch base on 4) respect each other as you would want the respect of anyone else
Then, talk. Do not put your mom on the defensive by using words like "you" and "you always..." instead use words like "I feel" and "this makes me feel like..." and "sometimes I get confused because..."
Let her know that you want to make her proud and get her approval, but you want to be 13 also and be like your friends. Let her know that you understand that when she was your age and young, there were fads then too, (I don't know her age but...) maybe the hippie days with free-love and smoking pot and peace and all that junk with bell-bottomed jeans, etc.
Let her know that your clothing isn't any different than hers and just a attitude statement like hers was. That later, when you're 15, you'll be in a different fashion fad than now and it'll pass soon enough but you like it now. Your friends like it and you want to belong and fit in now just like she did at your age.
Ask her want she really wants and expects from you? Do you make good grades now and okay in school-- no trouble? Then mention that. Mention your aspirations of college if you have any, and what you want to be when you graduate. Ask her for her support and encouragement in those aspirations and if you stay on target and on goal, is it okay to where goth clothes or whatever as long as you achieve the goals you've set for yourself.
Ask her if she expects you to help her more around the house if she works and is overloaded...then do it, show her you care and appreciate what all she does and sacrifices for you and show your support of her.
Ask for a truce. A truce in arguing and yelling. A truce in the difference of opinions, and power plays.
Ask for respect. Ask her to treat you like she wants you to treat her. Then both adhere to that.
Give it a shot. You have nothing to loose sweetie.
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Whoa nelly, you hold it right there missy!
Never change for anyone. Don't change for your mother/family. Don't change for your friends. Don't change for your boyfriend. Change for no one but yourself. It's a whole lot easier to change for yourself than it is for someone else. Changing for someone else would be changing for the wrong reason. Don't change for acceptance. If people cannot accept you, then fuck them. They're not worth being in your life. I realize she's your mother, but you need to talk to her about it calmly.
Sit her down & explain to her that if she loved you & cared about you, she would accept you the way you are & let you do the things you wanna do. Tell her that she would support you & she would never make you change. If being gothic makes you happy, then so be it. Tell her that you're not changing for her, and that you won't be goth forever. And I know you won't be. Lots of kids change & never stay the same label or stereotype their whole life. You're 13, you're in 7th grade, I'm guessing, and you've still got 5 years of school to see what else is out there.
When you talk to your mother, talk to her calmly. If you scream and yell & throw fits, then nothing is gonna change & it's just gonna get worse.
Don't commit suicide though. You can be so many things & do so many things with your life but if you kill yourself you'll never get those chances or those experiences. See a counselor, see a doctor & talk to your friends as much as you can. Life is what you make of it.
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Ask this to yourself- Why did you even go this far if you were not determained? There MUST have been a reason why you are here today. Everyone has a purpose on this planet. my mom could care less how i dress, as long as i dont like wear skimpy clothes. Perserverance is the main thing here. There must have been some reason, no matter how big or small that you didnt kill yourself two years ago.
You are lucky you are alive. I know plenty of people who have died who loved life, and they deserve to be alive- they died WAYY to young. Appreciate what you have, because a lot of people have it much worse. People are dying who would rather be having the time of their lives, and they really do deserve to be alive.
Do not waste your life worrying about your mom, she will accept it eventually, but until then, make the best out of the situation. That is what you have to do- you have to find something good somewhere in this tangled mess. You have friends- so that is good. You mom will HAVE to realize that you are a person of your own, and no matter what she cannot change that. My mom accepted it eventually, and she really doesnt care because she is proud that i am making my own choices. Tell your mom that at least you arent like the others, and you march to the beat of your own drummer. Life is not about being what someone else wants you to be, its about living it to the fullest, with people who love you. Of course, there is always going to be people who will try to hold you back, and beat you down, but anyone has the power to make it through. Death is not the answer, because life is about challenges. If anyone could get rid of any problem that they wanted to , this world would be nothing but the boring picture perfect society. You WILL make it through, just continue to be yourself. You mom has to love you. If she didnt, then i would not consider her your mother. Be a little more open to her suggestions, but still be YOU. Cutting will not help you either. It is just terrible. It can cause major damage in the future, so the sooner you quit the better. Just realize that there is only ONE life to live, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
hope i helped, and good luck<3
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your'e right when ppl dress gothic others sterotype them as being angry and taking drugs(or what ever they might think) but you have to show her that being gothic doesn't mean you're a bad person and that you can still get good grades in school and be a descent human being. but if you do kill yourself then yuo will be proving her right that a gothic lifestyle isn't a good one. your'e still young and have a lot of things to experience in life that you shouldn't give up because youre mom doesnt like your clothes. you have to prove her wrong, show her that you are a good daughter, student, and just overall person. it shuldnt matter if you wear all black and listen to emo or dress like a cowboy and listen to country ;) the only thing that does matter is if you do what is right. tell her calmly and sincerly that you are not defined by clothes jewlery, and preferance of music..but how u r as a person
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