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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So this morning I got a letter from the health department & it said to call their number asap concerning my health. I've had chlymadia twice.. & I took a hiv test back in march. & I don't know If someone reported me recently & that's why they are trying to contact me, or if I had hiv or aids. I'm very scared. The last time I took a HIV test it came back negative.
& I haven't took one since.

The most likely reason for this letter is someone you have had sex with someone who has tested positive for an STD; this does not mean you have an STD. When this happens the health department will ask for a list of all prior sex partners. IT IS HOWEVER HOW THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT TRACKS THE SOURCE TO THE CARRIER OF THE INFECTION.

You will be tested for STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus as a matter of course, just as any other of his partners will be. I do not believe they will tell you who the infected person is except if it is HIV/AIDS that they are tracking. You will also be counseled on safe sex and possibly offered condoms and shown how to properly use them. Even if you are on some form of birth control until you are in a long term committed relationship and both of you have been tested. Condoms should always be used as the prevent the transmission of many STDS.

Chances are you have little to worry about since you have checked negative for viruses in the recent past.

19/f
So I started Uni this year and (very out of character for me) I had a one night stand at the very beginning after my first ever time of going to a club.

Thing is, a month later I then got into a relationship, and have been in this relationship ever since.

I love my bf a lot and we are both very faithful/committed etc. But I cant stop thinking about my one night stand.
Like I cant stop checking his Twitter feed-feeling butterflies if I happen to pass him in the corridor or even just seeing his friends gets me into a hot sweat.

I've since learnt that obviously the one night stand doesn't care about me at all-and tbh I don't care that he doesn't care. I did ask him out of said night but he said no.

How do I stop thinking about him? Or do you never really forget your first time? Because I feel like I'm hiding this from my bf.

You rarely forget the first time you do anything. Be it the first time you make love, the first time you are kissed, the first time you drive a car. First times can be milestones in our lives many of which we like to keep and savor.

For some reason this one night stand is a milestone, maybe because you did something for the first time so out of character for you. Going off to college or Uni presents the possibility of many first times to do things that maybe you would not thought or had the opportunity to do at home. For whatever the reason this is a milestone event in your life. Treat it as such.

File it away with other milestone events that years from now when your at home, the kids are in bed, your husband is out of town and you're on the couch with a bowl of chocolate ice cream sitting in front TV you can think about these events without worry or embarrassment.

To start off I'm 20 years old (well officially in August anyways) and I've been with my fiance a year and one month. We met at a bowling alley and four months later we were getting a place together. We've lived together ever since and he proposed to be on our one year anniversary.

I love him more than I ever thought I could love anybody. He's my very best friend and I die inside thinking of him not being in my life.

Something is wrong though and I don't think I can go through with marrying him. We haven't been intimate in almost three months and more and more I find myself aggravated with him. He's not the dream man I pictured married and I know there is no such thing as perfect but all of my friends think I can do better. He plays video games every night for hours as soon as he comes home from work, he throws his clothes everywhere, refuses to shower more than once every several days, brushes his teeth seldom, he won't clean and he can't cook. Lately I've been wondering where all his money is going as he never seems to have more than $50 even though he makes around 2k a month and he only has to pay half our bills (which if I do the math doesn't add up) since I pay the other half. He always has to have the last word and thinks he's right 100% of the time. His arrogance is equal to his ignorance and he has no remorse for the sick or dying. He hates my parents and hates all my friends.

However he's as funny as can be and charming, he's sweet to me and loving when I really need him to be, he tolerates my bad moods and has always been very loyal to me. He has his own car and like I said previously has a full time job and pays his side of the bills which is a plus for people as young as us.

I do all the cooking and the cleaning and I pay my half of the bills, I also work full time and have my own car and more bills than he does and I know at times I can be a handful as I tend to be a bit emotional. I support him in everything he does and love him no matter what he does, I always forgive him and find ways to make our life better.

Lately I feel things haven't been going well. He seems to be listening to me less and less and playing video games with his friends more and more. He comes home from work late and doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me though he insists he loves me when I confront him about it. I'm growing tired of his childish and gross ways and I don't want to spend the rest of my life playing mommy.

Last night an old friend I used to speak to before I even met my fiance came back into my life. I'll be honest I met him online but texted him for years and got to know him. I stopped talking to him for about a year and half maybe two years and last time I spoke with him I felt like he was the one for me and that we had so much in common but at that time the circumstances were all wrong. I was still living with my parents and didn't even have a car to see him with or any freedom at all really and noting to offer to a relationship. Obviously now I do and he's made it evident he's still very interested in me and yes, I've told him about my fiance and everything else. He has the dream job, the dream car, he makes a lot of money, he's very intelligent and boasts about all the places he's been and wants to take me to. The only thing that doesn't seem right is the fact that he isn't and hasn't been in a relationship as long as I've known him or at least not one he's come clean about. He's told me of a fling and that's it and said he didn't feel about her like he did about me and that he didn't want to lead her on. If he has such a perfect life then why doesn't he have super models flocking all over him and why is he interested in me? He's sent me flowers, chocolates and a teddy bear before and wrote my name on his lamborghini in snow one winter and sent me photos...

He seems to be everything I'm actually looking for and because he's much older (in his 30's) than my current fiance he's also much more mature. The temptation to see him is weighing on me and I feel like if I miss the chance to know how we would be together I'll regret it and wonder about it forever. I want to at least meet him and I've already discussed bringing a friend with me if I did to ensure my safety and he was fine with that. However I don't want to throw away my current relationship either as I said before I love my fiance but I don't want to waste my life with him either when I could have been looking at my soulmate this entire time and never even took the chance...

A life spent with him (even if not permanent) seems much more beneficial than a life spent trying to make something of myself in my current relationship but how do I even go about finding out how real this guy is without the potential of getting myself killed or something and how do I know if my current relationship is worth sticking around for?

Your current relationship may be over. Just do not make this decision based on the fact that Mr. Wonderful has suddenly come back into your life. There are unforeseen problems there too and one problem you are already concerned with.

Let’s take one problem at a time. Your fiancé: You write that you two "haven't been intimate in almost three." Was everything okay in the intimacy department prior to then? Meaning did you have what you felt were normal sexual relations each week or about the same as when you first started to have sexual relations.

Sometimes when there is a sudden change in a male libido there is reason for it. That reason does not have to be a problem with their spouse or lover or that they have found someone else to supply their sexual needs. In fact the majority of the time it is related to stress or a physical undiagnosed illness. Are you aware of any stressors in his life such as at work? Other than hating your parent, which is not all that unusual in a relationship even in marital relationships? Are there any problems within his family that could be causing him stress? Could he be suddenly into drugs, could this be where his money is going? If you love him as you say you do these are questions you need to get answers too before you toss this relationship to the curb?

You should try to get him to visit his doctor. Tell him you will make an appointment for him and go with him if he would like. When you make the appointment inform the nurse or appointment secretary why he is visiting the doctor. Tell them of his lack of sex drive and it being a recent change. IF you are unsure if he is using drugs suggest the doctor screen for drug usage when the drug panel done as part of a physical is sent off to the lab. Also suggest he be screened for depression as it is possible that the stress has caused depression or depression has caused the stress. The lack of sex drive will have the doctor screen for low-T as well.

All of the above are possible factors in why your fiancé is acting the way he is. If so he really doesn't know why his is the way he is and it is frustrating him as much if not more than you. If you love him as you say you do try and get him to a doctor before you walk away from him.

Now about Mr. wonderful, I apologize for the wording though I can't think of a better way of referring to him. There is something wrong here. Why is a 30 something interested in a woman more than a decade younger than him? When he was 20 you were less than 10 and he is telling you he has never had a serious relationship??? This is sending up all kinds of red flags. Your concerns about this guy in your last paragraph are spot on.

My advice is to use different search engines to try and check this guy out. I have also heard there are some websites you can go to that may have dating information on them from other women about him; I just don't know what they may be. To be honest though he seems too good to be true.

My advice is to try and find out why your fiancé is suddenly the way he is. IF your fiancé refuses then it might mean one of you has to move out. If this is what happens then do not go running of into the arms of Mr. Wonderful. In fact I suggest you forget him and tell him so.

You are 22 there is no reason to run out and marry the next guy to come along. There is a guy out there for you. Maybe it isn't your current fiancé but there is a Mr. right out there for you. I'm just as sure of that as I am that Mr. Wonderful is not what he says he is or is the person you should be running to if this relationship fails.

I used manic panic bleach (vol 30) last night and some of it got on my neck. I developed rashes after last night and wanted to know what I could do to soothe and reduce the rashes. It doesn't hurt really bad but I still feel a slight stinging sensation. Any tips?

We are not doctors so we cannot make a diagnoses. Without seeing this mark it is impossible to tell you what to do.

What I do know from my years as a Firefighter is that Bleaches are caustic and what you are calling as rash may just be a skin burn. Yes I realize this is a hair color product; still there are chemicals in it that can burn your skin this is why they sometimes recommend you wear a glove when applying.

My advice is to go to a walk-in clinic or a hospital ER to have this rash evaluated. If it is a burn it will could continue to burn you until properly neutralized and treated. The stinging you are feeling could be the burn continuing to deepen. I really can't say.

If you don't want a permanent scar, which would be the least of your problems if left untreated. I suggest you see a doctor today and have this rash/burn treated professionally.

Hello. I am a young 22 year old male and have a concern about penis size. Now, most likely I just need confidence in myself and/or assurance, but still I'd thought I'd ask and hopefully get some educated answers and insight.

Well, I'm 22 and my penis is around 5-5.5 in. when fully erected, and when flaccid sometimes 1-3 inches. Would you say that's normal or average?

Honestly, I think it's average for me. Now, I'm kind of a chubby guy so would losing weight help add more length or something? Does any form of medicine help increase it?

Now, reason for my concern. I'm sort of seeing this girl and well, guess it's kind of a complicated open relationship and well she thinks I'm small for her. We've openly talked about previous sex partners we each had and well, guess a majority of her previous sex partners were quite well endowed down there. Like she's been with guys who were like 8-11 in. big around the age of 19-20 and I'm sitting there finding it hard to believe that's possible. I am able to please her, but there are times where she comments on my size and I think to myself she's just joking, even says she is, but sometimes it kind of gets to me.
We even went to a book store and explored the sexuality section and read that the average size is like 5 inches, and then she goes ahead and guesses average must be small to her then, but isn't sure of herself though, but the way she says it makes me think she prefers them big and kind of worries me?

So what's a good healthy mind set I should keep? I really like her and am trying my best to try and make her trust relationships again, that way we can be something exclusive to each other..

Your girlfriend is immature. If you are able to satisfy her then you have accomplished the basic goal of what you set out to do. As you can see by the survey results the average vagina can only accommodate a penis 5 to 6 inches in length. Anything longer is either going to be punching her cervix on each stroke or is going to be left out. Of course in anal sex she would probably be able to accommodate a longer penis if she is in to anal sex that is.

When you come right down to it the male penis has two functions; to allow the male to urinate and to impregnate the female. Sexual satisfaction of the women is something that is relatively new and is only something our species is concerned with. Sexually satisfying of the female only truly came about after WWII. That is not to say it was part of a marriage before then or it was not part of dating rituals. It may have been; it just wasn't a topic of conversation as it is today. At least not in polite society as it would have been said at the time.

If you are able to sexually satisfy her and bring her to orgasm. Then she is being immature and rude to ridicule you on the size of your penis. I'm sure she would not like it if you said something derogatory about her vagina and it would be rude of you to do so; especially if she was able to bring you to climax. I would tell her that and then give her the big kiss off and find a woman who appreciates a man who is kind and caring for the women he is sleeping with.
You’re not the one with any problems, she is.

A long time ago I was hurt very badly by someone who cheated on me. It took me a decade to recover from this and unfortunately it involved substance abuse (some illegal, some not) and a near death experience as a result. I also had to get tested for various STDs which was also very unpleasant and stressful.

I have moved on, and have found myself with a new man who I am very happy with. We live quite far apart which means that currently we only see each other at weekends and this doesn't allow our relationship to grow. A few weeks ago we discussed it and decided to move in together. During this discussion, one of the (many) reasons he gave for living together was that we only get to have physical relations on the weekends which is frustrating for both of us, and if it continued the way it is he would have to start to consider local options.

This has had a HORRIBLE effect on me. On the one hand I know we are solid as we both want to progress and moving in together is a massive step in the right direction. On the other hand, now all I can think about is that he is considering cheating on me, or has entertained the idea. So every time he mentions another woman he is spending time with (he sees a fair number of women on their own as part of his studies) my alarm bells start ringing. I hate that this has made me so stressed and I don't want to turn into "that" girlfriend who is always worried about who her man is seeing. Until that comment was made I was very confident and happy with our relationship and now I am just an insecure, emotional wreck!

What do I do? I don't want to lose him but I feel like my jealousy will drive him away if I don't get it under control. In my heart I know he won't do anything stupid (and if he does he will respect me enough to break it off before too much damage is caused) but I can't stop obsessing about it. I definitely don't want him to stop seeing these other women because this is something I need to change, not him.

I have spoken to him about it and he knows why I am stressing. He is being patient but I don't want this to become a bigger problem and would like to sort it out ASAP. Any thoughts?

You have a problem not so dissimilar to one my son has suffered from by a women who hurt him very deeply. This caused him to have trust issues as well as commitment issues. I will tell you what I told him and he finally realized.

The problem is really bigger than you can handle on your own. You need professional advice to put this problem where it belongs, which is behind you. I can sit here and type all day giving you reasons why not all men are cheaters.

Would it have been different if he said he would have to find a call girl to service his mid-week needs until you two could move in together? I don't know the answer to this question and I doubt you do. Is paying for sex cheating, I mean there is no love relation it is strictly mechanical.

Whether you see this question as him cheating or not and I really don't know if it is cheating or not. This question points out why it is nearly impossible for you to rid yourself of this problem without some professional intervention.

Visiting a psychologist has done wonders for my son. It has helped him realize the root cause of his commitment problems and what the cause of the problem truly was between him and the girl who hurt him so badly was.

What happens when we suffer a traumatic hurt is we package that hurt up and shove it unresolved into a corner of are mind hoping it will go away. We try to build a wall around it, as you may have done. Then a trigger happens such as these words from your boyfriend; "he would have to start to consider local options." This trigger unknowingly tore that wall down and opened the box causing everything to come pouring out. Now you have to deal with it all over again.

Had you dealt with it properly when you were first hurt, you could have packaged it up, put it away and when you heard those words from your boyfriend they would not have been a trigger. Instead you would have known how to deal with it.

You can still deal with this issue properly. You have been honest with this man and he sounds like a good man who wants to be supportive for you. Take the next step and contact a psychologist and make an appointment.

If you do not know a psychologist contact your Insurance Company for a list of providers. If your employer has an EAP plan start with them and the first visits are paid for under the EAP plan.

I am 18 year old lady, I had sex for the first time and I used a condom, but that same day my periods started and they were normal, but 3 days later, I experience running tummy which lasted for 2 days, now I have stomach cramps, bubbling from my stomach to my mouth, chest and back pain. Am I pregnant or I am just exaggerating?

No I don't think your pregnant. If you want to make sure and put your mind at ease a home pregnancy test will give you the answer.

IF you are like 85% of women you ovulate between the 6th and 21st day of your cycle. It is during these dates that you are most likely to get pregnant if you do not use some form of birth control. For the other 15% of women they can ovulate at any time during their cycle including while having their period.

You used a condom. If it did not break and you are sure no sperm leaked out the odds are in your favor that you are not pregnant. The symptoms you're feeling could be a stomach virus or even nerves caused by stress. Stress over possibly being pregnant or even over losing your virginity.

Your 18 now which makes you an adult. While your parents may still see you as a child, legally you are an adult and with that comes certain adult choices and rights. Among those rights is a right to a sex life. The right to see a doctor and ask for birth control medication; even if you are still covered under your parents insurance.

Your parents no longer have any rights regarding your medical well being. Since you are of legal age now your doctors can no longer discuss any medical visit, procedure or your medical history with anyone you have not given them explicate permission for in writing. I could be paying your medical bills and this would into give me the right to know what it is I'm paying for without your permission.

IF you're stressed out that your parents could find out you had sex; stop worrying. They never could in the first place as even a doctor can't tell if you have had sex. Now even if you tell your doctor and you should that you have had your first sexual experience. Your parents can never know as they cannot see your medical records now that you are an adult. Legally they cannot even make a medical appointment for you should you ask them too.

To get back to your original question. I do not think you are pregnant. If you want to put your mind at rest take a home pregnancy test. Buy a test kit and follow the directions as to how long after intercourse you should wait to test and then follow the directions to test.

If you continue to stress out over this you will miss your next period. Not because you are pregnant. But because stress is the biggest cause for missing a period even more so than pregnancy.

Facebook says "no displayable content"

What's your question?

I tried to look up SAG and ACTRA on Google... It didn't give me any eligible results. Could you possible send me the links to the websites?

I believe this is what you are looking for. I found it using Yahoo.

http://www.sagaftra.org/

Hi, I am a fifteen year old girl, and I have trouble connecting with people socially. I have lost many of my friends due to this matter, and I have lost my confidence, because of this. I dont know how to act in social situations, and I tend to act rather awkward. I have even been told, I react differently than others normally do, I also find others staring at me, or giving me funny looks, and laughing at me. I guess you could say I dont have a very good graph like others normally grow to have. I have tried talking to my mother about this, but she just thinks I am being shy. I, on the other hand, think differently. What do you think?

First: We are not doctors and we cannot make medical diagnoses. All we can do is offer advice.

Second: From what you have written I cannot begin to even think about suggesting if you might have Asperger's syndrome or not; as you have not supplied sufficient information.

Asperger's is a Genetic disorder which general appears much earlier in childhood development. If this is something you were afflicted with I would believe your parents and doctors would have noticed this well over a decade ago. If you have suffered a traumatic head injury then a brain injury could mimic certain aspects of some syndromes associate with a genetic disorder.

Since we can also file this under the heading of anything being possible. Meaning that you may have a very mild form of this syndrome and it has not been properly diagnosed by a doctor what you need to do for your own peace of mind if for no other reason is the following:

1: Since you will probably need a complete physical before returning to school in the fall. Ask mom to schedule one now. While you're with your doctor tell the doctor what you feel, how you feel and what you suspect. After completing your physical your family doctor if in agreement with you will most likely suggest to you and your mother that you be evaluated by a specialist and refer you to one that your doctor trusts. IF you are not diagnosed with Asperger's then go on to #2.

2: Not being diagnosed with Asperger's will most likely justify moms feeling of being shy. I would suggest some visits with a psychologist to get at the root cause of your shyness. There are many reasons for being shy that I won't go into. Talking to a psychologist who you can say anything and everything that may be bothering you or on your mind. Safe in the knowledge that it never leaves the room you are in, not even to your parents, will help you get to the root cause of your shyness and how to overcome it.

I hope you will take my suggestions as to what to do. I know what it is like to go through high school being shy and always being the odd person out. It not much fun. Be honest with your parents and ask for help. Your parents love you and want you to thrive. If they understand d the problem I'm sure if they are like me they will want to help you.

Okay so I'm 15 and ever since I could understand what college was I always said I'm going. Yeah I know over the years kids and teenagers change their mind a lot on what they want to be. But I don't know I just really would like at least a firm grounding on what id be doing somewhat. Is there anything I can take or do to get that? It honestly bugs me so much that I don't have the slightlest clue anymore. I just want to have an idea at least so I know what classes to take in high school so I could get into the best college for whatever I want to do. I've took a lot of those career test and every result I get each of them had science(chemist and physicist) and creative jobs(journalism and stuff like that) equally matched. Which is frustrating because well science is more realistic and based on facts of coarse unless your making something. But anyways is there website that could be of more help ?

The first thing I can tell you to do is relax. At your age you are suppose to be a bit confused over your future; it would be normal.

You have already done what I or anyone else would or should have recommended to d by taking the career tests. They are fairly accurate. I took them when I was your age and now as I am in my retirement years I can look back and say with great truthfulness that they hit the nail on the head. While I tried other things I always came back to the career the test said I would excel in and I did.

Your test results point you in two diverse directions with one being science and the other being Journalism. Both make for interesting careers and both are subjects for which you guidance counselor can assist you in taking the right preparatory course in high school. So the question(s) become which of these excite you the most or is there something else that you think may be better.

IF you think the tests are wrong you can always retake the tests. If you took them in school then ask your parents to find a private testing center for you to take the tests. They may use different test that will provide different or the same result.

In either case you have some time to make a decision. Unless things have changed in the years since my children were in school you have until your Junior and Senior years until you have to really concentrate on studies for college. Even though you may be entering your Junior year it is possible to make a mid year correction in your studies for college.

It may mean going to your local Community College for what they call make up course which are actually High School level course given to students who need to make up these course to enter college. You take these course along with your current high school course or over the summer.

The is no website that can help you make this decision. This is something you do in sitting down and discussing it with your parent, teachers, guidance counselors and school principal if need be.

I've been taking trigestral for over a year now but at the end of last year I kind of stopped but I'm back on it now I was wondering how long does it take to work and I've the pill was still in my system? and I'm taking the. Pill now but I want to know if I can get pregnant okay my period was on the 10th I started taking the pills on the 13th and on the 21st I had sex wich I ovulate apparently till 25th I was wondering if I mite be pregnant now?or are the pills still in my system from last year I heard it takes awhile to flush out of my body is this true?

The one thing I can tell you for certain is that there was none of the pill left in your system from last year. When my wife went off the pill so we could have a child the doctor told her it would be 30 to 60 days before she would be able to conceive. She conceived somewhere between the 30th and 60th day after going off the pill.

Now as to how much protection the pill is offering you now is something your doctor should have told you. I have searched the web to try and find this information and I was not successful. I would have thought this information would be in the information that comes from the pharmacy when they deliver the drug to you.

You have two options to find the answer to your question.

1. Call or go see your pharmacist and ask him/her to print out another copy of the drug information pamphlet that should have come with the medication. You can also just ask the pharmacist as they may know the answer.

2. Call your doctor

There is a very small chance based on when you ovulate that pregnancy could take place since the pill may not be fully effective. They are:

1. You still have time to take the plan B pill, though I would check with your doctor first since you are on a birth control pill and see if it would be dangerous for you to do so. The plan B pill has been known to be effective for up to 7 days after sex.

2. You can wait until the first or second of July and take a home pregnancy test to see if your pregnant.

3. Do both 1 and 2.

I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you. We are not doctors and this information should come from either your doctor or pharmacist.

I never talk about my beliefs with anyone unless I absolutely know for sure they agree with it. But it seems that once an atheist meets my eye, he'll say,“do you believe in God?" And when I'm like yeah, why? He will attack me saying how I'm destroying his rights and safety. Today I decided to see where these atheists come from, figuring that there has to be some reason that when an atheist wa in my class, she spent the entire year saying about how there isn't a God and it's ridiculous. So, I found some laws ARE stealing atheists rights. But if they don't like that, then they should go out and protest, rather then sit around insulting people. And while I could see how these laws upset them, it's not my fault. I'm not on government, and I'm too young to vote. They're also angry about the pledge saying,“one nation, under God" and the money saying,“in God we trust" about those, get over it dramatic brats!

I don't see a question here but I think I see where you going with your statement.

In this country we all have certain inalienable rights; it says so in the preamble of our constitution. Those rights are as much yours as someone who believes there is a god as they are to an atheist who does not believe in god.

It is not possible to please all of the people all of the time. Government, our government is meant to serve the majority of the people. This is why on our money it says "In God We Trust." In the Pledge to the Flag it sometimes includes, "One Nation under God," it depends where in the country you are reciting the pledge as some schools have removed that line.

Some people only believe in what they can see, feel or touch. Since belief in god is faith based atheist do not belief there is a god since they cannot see or touch a god. Under our Constitution and the Bill of Rights this is their right.
I can't tell you why atheists are this way. All I can tell you is in this country they have an inalienable right to be this way. What is wrong with the atheist community is they protesting that all religious symbols be removed from public buildings because they do not want to see them. They have forgotten that in this country the majority rule, not the minority, the out spoken atheists are a minority within their own group.

I do object when the Supreme Court rules in their favor on the grounds of separation of church and state. Yes that is part of our constitution though to me it is secondary to where I started all this. With the phrase "Inalienable Rights." Our Inalienable rights are also somewhat faith based as they exceed what is in the "Bill of Rights."

I hope what I have written helps you understand what you wrote. Schools do not teach much about the constitution and the Bill of Rights as they once did. In short the atheists and agnostics among us have just as many rights as you do. How they use them is or can be questions not there right to question.

I literally have no idea how to tell if your hymen has been popped. So how do you know?

Are you asking this question because you are concerned that an intact Hymen is the sign of virginity? If so you would be wrong. Today's women can have her Hyman dislodged or ruptured through a variety of causes none of which would be any reason for her to have lost her virginity.

Today's definition for Female Virginity is: Never having a Penis penetrate her Vagina.

Once a penis penetrates her vagina a women has lost her virginity. Whether on penetration the Hymen is ruptured or is even in place upon penetration has nothing to do with virginity or its loss.

The biggest cause for a ruptured Hymen is the use of Tampons. Fingering is the next biggest cause followed by athletics. Any or all of these could cause you Hymen to become dislodged.

In order for you to see if your Hymen is still intact it would take a mirror and a lot of gyrations on your part and you still may not be able to tell. Your doctor upon giving you a female examination could tell you.

If you are 14 or older your doctor could examine you and give you an answer in total confidentiality. Meaning you could ask for the examination. The doctor could do the exam and mom cannot be told the results. The doctor cannot tell if you are sexually active just by examining you. You would have tell the doctor if you are.

The confidentiality granted you for this exam comes under a federal law called HIPPA. IT covers the reproductive systems of people your age and was granted to young people, male and female, so they would seek a doctors help when needed without parental help or knowledge if need be.

Mother can no longer be in an exam room with you if any type of female exam is going to be done. Your parents are no longer entitled to know anything about your medical history as it relates to your reproductive system. Doctors can not tell them or anyone else without your written consent. Your parents cannot force you to undergo any procedures relating to your reproductive system and this includes abortions.

So in short to answer your question. For you to see if your Hymen is in tact is hard for you to do yourself. Someone else would have to help you or look for you. That someone can be your doctor and if you are 14 or over your parents need not know you have seen the doctor or what the doctor tells you. This is how the law is written .

is there a risk of cancer?

The chances of a bruse becoming cancerous are extremely low. Given the fact that this is your breast and if thr bruise is severe it is advisable to make your family doctor or you GYN aware so they can monitor.

my stepdad is always telling me to lower my voice even when I am not that loud me my mom and him went to logans roadhouse and it was so loud he never had a problem with it but when I started to talk he would tell me to lower my voice I hate that he needs to shut up leave me alone and get a hearing aid

I understand your complaint. Understand he is your step dad and if he feels you are loud enough that others may overhear your side of a conversation then you should lower your voice. You owe him that respect just for the fact that he is your stepdad. If in all other respects he is a good or great step dad and this is your only problem count yourself lucky and thank him for being a great step dad.

Not all men make great dads and even fewer make great step dads. We get letters every day about abusive dads and step dads that make your complaint not even on the radar. I know you don't like being told to lower your voice, I don't like being told to lower my voice. Understand others hear us better than we hear ourselves so when he asks you to lower your voice just do as he ask and be thankful all he does is asks you.

I am 22 and just out of college. I'm not going to get into details but something in my plans for the coming year fell through and now I need a job, at least for the next year. I desperately do not want to work in retail or food. Is there anything I can do that is better? Internships? Receptionist? I live in the NYC area. Any help would be sooooo appreciated.

You need to supply more information, especially if you want to do an internship before we can advise you. Information that would be helpful would be what college course you took or what your degree is in. Do you enjoy working with children? What career fields interest you? Things of this nature would help.

The question about, do you enjoy working with children. Having a college degree may help you with a placement in a child day care setting where they do early childhood learning. Where I live these day care centers seem to always be in need of daycare providers, teachers and teachers assistants. If this is of interest to you it may be someplace to start.

I think that I am a well-spoken individual who communicates clearly and articulately, but sometimes due to social awkwardness, shyness, forgetfulness and nervousness, I say things without really thinking and I end up communicating things incorrectly. For example, every time I have some kind of activity lately, it always involves my family and so to my boss, it seems like I don’t have a social life/any friends. I think it’s because I don’t think I talk about my friends enough. Furthermore, I’ve just happened to have a lot of family-related activities. Of course, I’m not ashamed of that. I love my family so much and love spending time with them and am glad we’re tight. But I want it to be clear that I have a social life, too. And just because I don’t talk about every single activity I have doesn’t mean that my friends don’t exist. I find myself randomly mentioning them to prove that they exist but I don’t feel any better. I had mentioned that I was going away with a friend (my mom’s friend’s daughter and my mom). I didn’t know that my mom’s friend and her daughter’s children and their grandmother were coming, too, but whatever...I love all of them and we had a great time! Thing is, maybe my boss didn’t remember because when I told her about our trip today and mentioned my mom, she said, “I thought you were going with your friend” and I said yes it was her plus all the others. So it seemed like it was just another family outing and that I left details out to prove a point (even though I mentioned our mothers). Then I purposely asked her advice on places to go that were nightlife-ish and to eat for me and my mom’s friend’s daughter just to prove that I’m social. And now I feel like I’m trying to push myself to remember to mention every social activity I have with a friend.

But I worry that it seems fake and like I am making it up. Of course, I am not. I guess my question to you is what you think I can do resolve this. I know that at the end of the day, what matters most is what I think of myself and how I view myself, but at the same time, I don’t think I can just sit around and allow her to perceive me as some little child who has no friends or social life. I do think that another issue is that I am too shy and don’t share things about myself. There are a lot of cool things that I am doing and cool things about myself that I, for whatever reason, cannot share naturally. Meaning that I just don’t think to mention it.

There are other examples. My job involves working in a specific neighborhood in the city and while I am familiar with some parts of it, generally speaking, I don’t know every single part of it very well. I guess because she mentioned some places in the neighborhood that I don’t know, she assumed that I know absolutely nothing about it. And despite attempts to say that I do know some, she keeps saying I know absolutely nothing about it. So now I’m once again trying to find ways to prove it that feel unnatural. Even more, in an effort to be more sociable/personal, I told her that my parents want me to find a husband. What I meant to say is that somewhere down the line, they want me to find a husband but that I do want to date until I find the right person (and of course, my parents want the same). Thankfully when she asked me if it was an arranged marriage kind of thing, I said that it’s not like that, but still.

Or it could very well be that I am overanalyzing the situation and thinking about it too much. The bottom line is that I am tired of obsessing over this 24/7. I just want to be happy and natural and not have to force myself to say things. How do I beat this once and for all and start living for me and no one else? I really like my boss and we get along very well and she has taught me so much, so I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t like her or that she doesn’t like me, but I don’t want her to get the wrong impression of me either.

The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. When we try to be something we are not or someone we are not people see right through this and think much less of us. Don't worry what anyone else thinks of you only be concerned about what you think of you.

You enjoy being with your family and spending leisure time with them. Count yourself among the minority here for there are very few like you and you have a rare gift if your family also enjoys spending leisure time with you. You are also among the lucky ones if your friends also enjoy including their family in their leisure time activities.

Those who would put you down or think less of you for what you have are in sense jealous of what you have. Not all families are as tight knit as you are with your family and many of us would like to have just a little bit of what you have. You would not believe the number of letters we get from young adults like you asking how they can get family members to include them or vacation with them. Frankly your letter is a breath of fresh air as I don't see a problem for you.

As for anyone else, I would not worry about what they think of you. As for your boss; she should only evaluate you based on your job performance. As long as you can do your job and communicate professionally with her. That is really all she can ask of you.

Your family is a big part of your life. Don't try to down play it just because you feel others think differently.

I've been engaged since September of last year. My fiancé's sister just got engaged a month ago. My wedding is in September 2015. Her fiancé wants to have the wedding in May 2015. They have only been dating for 2 years. My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. We were going to get married this year but I've had a lot of medical complications. I'm upset about that fact they want to get married before us and want to take away our thunder. I think it's rude and disrespectful. His parents originally said they would stand up for us and tell her to wait and now they don't want to. My fiancé and I are getting into fights about this. We are suppose to talk to his sister and fiancé but honestly I'm so upset. Don't know what to do.

Sincerely,
Invisible

I do not see them stealing your thunder by getting married in May. May and June are the two biggest months of the year followed by December, specifically New Years Eve, for weddings.

There will be four months between weddings and no reason why those family members on his side should have to chose between which wedding to attend. There is no reason why each of you cannot be in the others wedding party.

I don't know either of you but I did grow up with a younger sister. My sister became engaged while I was still in the Air Force. She did not want to put her wedding off six months until I was discharged and would be home for the wedding.

You see she had always planned, since she was young, to have a June wedding and wanted to marry the June before I was discharged from the Air Force. I was stationed in southeast Asia at the time and not an easy place to get home from. With a little help from the Air Force and a lot of help from my First Sergeant a few days in advance of her wedding.

I tell you this story for your future sister in-law may have been planning a May or June wedding long before she met your future brother in-law. To ask her to postpone her plans is not right.

Now what you could do if you are interested and if she is in agreement is to share the day by having double wedding. From my way of thinking this would be a great way for the both of you to bring your two families together.

If she is not interested then I don't see her stealing your thunder. Your day as I said is four months after and is as much for your family as it is for his. You will still have the thunder you deserve.

What does it mean when someone says ''rather risk it all than play it safe' ? Please super curious my ex wrote this and I wanna know what it could mean.

It could mean a lot of different things depending on the context within which it is spoken.

For example: He could be risking his entire worth on a risky venture or stock purchase rather than putting the money in a bank insured CD.

It also could mean he is going to do something he has always wanted to do that has a high degree of risk to it, say skydiving, but has always played it safe and gotten his thrills with something safer and closer to the ground.

It could also mean he has always done the safe things, things with little risk to them. Now he wants more excitement in his life and is planning to do more exciting things; things with more risk to them, more thrills.

To find out exactly what he means you will have to asking him.

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