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Issues communicating things correctly
I think that I am a well-spoken individual who communicates clearly and articulately, but sometimes due to social awkwardness, shyness, forgetfulness and nervousness, I say things without really thinking and I end up communicating things incorrectly. For example, every time I have some kind of activity lately, it always involves my family and so to my boss, it seems like I don’t have a social life/any friends. I think it’s because I don’t think I talk about my friends enough. Furthermore, I’ve just happened to have a lot of family-related activities. Of course, I’m not ashamed of that. I love my family so much and love spending time with them and am glad we’re tight. But I want it to be clear that I have a social life, too. And just because I don’t talk about every single activity I have doesn’t mean that my friends don’t exist. I find myself randomly mentioning them to prove that they exist but I don’t feel any better. I had mentioned that I was going away with a friend (my mom’s friend’s daughter and my mom). I didn’t know that my mom’s friend and her daughter’s children and their grandmother were coming, too, but whatever...I love all of them and we had a great time! Thing is, maybe my boss didn’t remember because when I told her about our trip today and mentioned my mom, she said, “I thought you were going with your friend” and I said yes it was her plus all the others. So it seemed like it was just another family outing and that I left details out to prove a point (even though I mentioned our mothers). Then I purposely asked her advice on places to go that were nightlife-ish and to eat for me and my mom’s friend’s daughter just to prove that I’m social. And now I feel like I’m trying to push myself to remember to mention every social activity I have with a friend.
But I worry that it seems fake and like I am making it up. Of course, I am not. I guess my question to you is what you think I can do resolve this. I know that at the end of the day, what matters most is what I think of myself and how I view myself, but at the same time, I don’t think I can just sit around and allow her to perceive me as some little child who has no friends or social life. I do think that another issue is that I am too shy and don’t share things about myself. There are a lot of cool things that I am doing and cool things about myself that I, for whatever reason, cannot share naturally. Meaning that I just don’t think to mention it.
There are other examples. My job involves working in a specific neighborhood in the city and while I am familiar with some parts of it, generally speaking, I don’t know every single part of it very well. I guess because she mentioned some places in the neighborhood that I don’t know, she assumed that I know absolutely nothing about it. And despite attempts to say that I do know some, she keeps saying I know absolutely nothing about it. So now I’m once again trying to find ways to prove it that feel unnatural. Even more, in an effort to be more sociable/personal, I told her that my parents want me to find a husband. What I meant to say is that somewhere down the line, they want me to find a husband but that I do want to date until I find the right person (and of course, my parents want the same). Thankfully when she asked me if it was an arranged marriage kind of thing, I said that it’s not like that, but still.
Or it could very well be that I am overanalyzing the situation and thinking about it too much. The bottom line is that I am tired of obsessing over this 24/7. I just want to be happy and natural and not have to force myself to say things. How do I beat this once and for all and start living for me and no one else? I really like my boss and we get along very well and she has taught me so much, so I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t like her or that she doesn’t like me, but I don’t want her to get the wrong impression of me either.
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You are overthinking it! Your boss probably hasn't given any of this a second thought. I am a boss and while I have a good relationship with my employees, I do not care who they spend their time with after work or how well they know the neighbourhood. Don't stress so much over all this and just concentrate on doing your job properly - that's all she wants to see :)
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The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. When we try to be something we are not or someone we are not people see right through this and think much less of us. Don't worry what anyone else thinks of you only be concerned about what you think of you.
You enjoy being with your family and spending leisure time with them. Count yourself among the minority here for there are very few like you and you have a rare gift if your family also enjoys spending leisure time with you. You are also among the lucky ones if your friends also enjoy including their family in their leisure time activities.
Those who would put you down or think less of you for what you have are in sense jealous of what you have. Not all families are as tight knit as you are with your family and many of us would like to have just a little bit of what you have. You would not believe the number of letters we get from young adults like you asking how they can get family members to include them or vacation with them. Frankly your letter is a breath of fresh air as I don't see a problem for you.
As for anyone else, I would not worry about what they think of you. As for your boss; she should only evaluate you based on your job performance. As long as you can do your job and communicate professionally with her. That is really all she can ask of you.
Your family is a big part of your life. Don't try to down play it just because you feel others think differently.
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