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Wedding Drama
I've been engaged since September of last year. My fiancé's sister just got engaged a month ago. My wedding is in September 2015. Her fiancé wants to have the wedding in May 2015. They have only been dating for 2 years. My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. We were going to get married this year but I've had a lot of medical complications. I'm upset about that fact they want to get married before us and want to take away our thunder. I think it's rude and disrespectful. His parents originally said they would stand up for us and tell her to wait and now they don't want to. My fiancé and I are getting into fights about this. We are suppose to talk to his sister and fiancé but honestly I'm so upset. Don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Invisible
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
This is going to sound rough but:
Your medical problems have postponed your own wedding. But why should *your* problems postpone the wedding of someone you are not even related to yet? Why should *your* medical problems be something *she* has to put *her* life on hold for?
You want to know something? They are not getting married to "steal your thunder". They are getting married because they want to get married. Their wedding isn't all about you. Actually, most things aren't all about you.
Go celebrate your future sister-in-law's special day and be good about it. If you do, she'll be a great help to you when your own day comes. Show that you an be part of the family. If you don't, well, your fiancé is going to have to start wondering if you understand that family is important.
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Honestly, I get where you are coming from because my frog and I have been together for eight years. My sister has been with her boyfriend for two years and she wants to get married on the same year as us. I am literally in the same situation as you. Moreover, Kermit and I picked our wedding year six years ago, so my sister new she was infringing on our day.
But you know what? It never bothered me that she wants to do it on the same year because for me, a wedding isn't about getting attention or "thunder". It is about you and your husband. It's a personal thing, not a competition.
She can plan her wedding whenever she wants. Get over it, and focus on your own wedding. Don't be that person who needs all eyes on them in order to be happy. Create your own happiness.
I'm sure you are the one with the stronger relationship, and that is what counts in the end.
The love expert,
Miss Piggy
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Someone you know well or are related to will be getting married the same year as you regardless of the year you choose, 2015 isn't "your" thunder to steal. By being engaged longer, you will actually have more attention--people will ask you about your plans and how the arrangements are going. No one pays attention to any of this stuff once you're married, so your sister in law will be old news by your wedding day. If she'd waited, lots of polite chit chat at your wedding would be devoted to her future plans, which would actually steal more attention than the other way around.
There's no reason to fight with your fiancé about something he can't change. His sister is presumably an adult and your fiancé can't force her to change her wedding date (nor can you). She's going to be your family, too, as of September, so you know you can't control your family, so you might want to be on the same team--wedding planning is stressful, you have a lot you two could commiserate about. Are you really worried her wedding will be better and yours will pale in comparison? Since it's a different season, it's likely to be different colors and motifs. Even if you'll have the same themes, buy her decorations when she's done, and you'll save so much $$! It's really up to you whether or not you're invisible; you'll be a glowing bride if you show grace under pressure and make your day in September your own.
{{Also, two years is a perfectly reasonable dating span, as is seven. Everyone takes her own path to commitment, it doesn't make sense to compare. If you're worried people will think you're taking too long, if they know about your medical issues, they'll understand. If they don't know, at worst they'll think you like independence and wanted to be sure, you've already got the ring, so don't stress, people will love your wedding.}}
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Let it go.
I'm sure there was far, FAR more important details that went into them choosing their wedding date than when you wedding was going to happen. I mean really, it's pretty self obsessed to think they planned their whole wedding around the idea of showing you and your fiancée up. There could be a dozens of reasons they choose May. Maybe they really wanted a May wedding! Maybe that is when it's easiest for the grooms family to attend. Maybe it works out best for them to take their vacation from work around that time. Maybe they are really into astrology and the stars are properly aligned that day!
Even if they did pick May 2015 just to piss you off (and really, that is not very likely at all) there is really nothing you can do about it. IF they actually did that (and I don't believe they did) then you can either choose to let it go, and not give them the satisfaction of your frustration OR you can start a family feud that will last for years, spoil the mood at both weddings, and waste everyone's time and energy.
Even if they did this to piss you off (they didn't) you'd still be best to let it go. It's okay to be upset, but since there is nothing sane you can do about it, you have to let it go.
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I do not see them stealing your thunder by getting married in May. May and June are the two biggest months of the year followed by December, specifically New Years Eve, for weddings.
There will be four months between weddings and no reason why those family members on his side should have to chose between which wedding to attend. There is no reason why each of you cannot be in the others wedding party.
I don't know either of you but I did grow up with a younger sister. My sister became engaged while I was still in the Air Force. She did not want to put her wedding off six months until I was discharged and would be home for the wedding.
You see she had always planned, since she was young, to have a June wedding and wanted to marry the June before I was discharged from the Air Force. I was stationed in southeast Asia at the time and not an easy place to get home from. With a little help from the Air Force and a lot of help from my First Sergeant a few days in advance of her wedding.
I tell you this story for your future sister in-law may have been planning a May or June wedding long before she met your future brother in-law. To ask her to postpone her plans is not right.
Now what you could do if you are interested and if she is in agreement is to share the day by having double wedding. From my way of thinking this would be a great way for the both of you to bring your two families together.
If she is not interested then I don't see her stealing your thunder. Your day as I said is four months after and is as much for your family as it is for his. You will still have the thunder you deserve.
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