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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Dont you think doctors (eye) etc look for things that were there forever

Dont you think doctors (eye, etc) look for things that were there forever
A month ago I went to my eye doctor (a new one in the same group - but closer to my home). Besides the usual eye examine she took an X-ray of the inside of my eye and showed me two white dots on my eye, but told me to come back in a year.

I have a feeling I have had those two white dots forever. So do you think the doctors overreact to certain things

I think your doctor has seen something that may or may not have been seen by other doctors. If she did not have your records from the other doctor she was being cautious in taking the X-ray and then making you aware of what she saw and asking you to make sure you come back in a year for a follow up.

Those two white dots could be anything from a cataract starting , to a calcium deposit, or the beginning of a tumor. She was right to make you aware of it and being cautious to make sure she told you to come back in a year for a follow up exam so she could check to see if it is still there or if it has grown.

I will add to her caution with the following. If between now and next year you suffer any problems with your vision. Such as blurred vision or problems focusing, make an immediate appointment for her to recheck those dots.

I am a teenager. I've suffered with Anxiety, Depression, and Depersonalization for the past few years and have decided it's time to fix it. I can't live like this. The doctors want me to go on Zoloft, but I'm scared that there will be side effects or something. I rejected medication a couple years back, and I sort of regret it. I want to get better, but I don't want to have any hallucinations or for it to get worse. Any advice? What do you think I should do?

Take the medication. Zoloft is one of the older medications and has few side effects. The most noticeable one is a decreased sexual desire or ability.

Now Antidepressants and antibiotics do not work the same. An antidepressant takes time to build up in your system. So the effect will can take several weeks to take effect. It is a more natural feeling that you should start to feel a bit better day by day as you body absorbs the new hormones Zoloft is supplying.

For your part you should just forget about the medication and just let it do its job. If you start to have feeling that you don't think are right the first person to tell is one of your parents and then your prescribing doctor.

Most people do not suffer any real side effects from this medication. You may feel drowsy or have a dry mouth at first. Tell mom or dad if you do but it should pass as your body grows accustomed to the medication.

Most important is to take the medication as prescribed and as close to the same time every day.

My son has been on Zoloft for two years and has suffered no side effects at all.

I'm Male, 19 years old. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 16 months. We're both virgins. Lately, since I started working, I've had the temptation to just go out and cheat. I'm always super horny and fantasizing about doing stuff with other girls. I love my girlfriend and I feel super guilty for wanting to cheat. We never really do anything besides kiss. I don't want to pressure her into doing anything she doesn't want, and I don't pressure her. But she'll do stuff that hints that she wants to do something, then doesn't do it. Like sometimes we'll be sitting and she'll grab me and/or stroke me for a few seconds then stop. Sometimes she'll put my hand on her crotch so I could rub, but we never go any further. I work at a busy place in nyc, so I'm always seeing and meeting nice attractive girls. I always fantasize on my train commute too. Like everyday. Sometimes I even wonder about calling an escort, but I don't want to mess up.

At first I wasn't going to answer this question. Then I read the first two answers. misspiggy's advice is very good, the advice from NicklausLife is far from what you should do and will not get you what you want from your girlfriend.

Assuming you are both over 18 that makes you both adults entitled to everything adults are entitled to, including a sex life. It gets a little complicated from here especially if you are both living at home even if both are working as your parents still see you as children, dependent on them for most of your needs. As such they still treat you as children. While this is a different problem it plays a part in her life as to when and to whom to give up her virginity to.

For a male the lose or losing of his virginity does not have the same meaning it has for a female of any age. Most guys will willing have sex anytime anywhere it is offered to him, even a virgin.

For a girl she needs certain things before she will attempt to have sex.

First: A girl needs to feel comfortable and this has two definitions. Comfortable in her surroundings as not to be observed or disturbed. Comfortable in where you are having sex such as a bed and not the back seat of a car. At one time the back seat of the old mans Chevy is where most of your grandparent lost their virginities. Back then the back seats were as big as couches not today

Second: She has to feel loved. While a guy can get erect through visual stimulation a girl needs to feel loved. Now part of feeling loved is the foreplay before sex but you won't get there if she feels all you feel for her is lust.

Third: Takes us back to the start. For the guy losing his virginity is no big deal, for the girl it is. It may be old fashion to say this but girls still want to believe that the first guy to have sex with her values what she is giving to him and again he is not just lusting for her.

Most importantly though you are not the one who can get pregnant she is. This is the biggest roadblock to sex with any women.

Now if you really love this women and not just lusting for her. If you feel this is the women you could make a life with. Then start by having a discussion with her on where you see your relationship going. Yes at some point that relationship would include sex.

First you talk about sex and pregnancy, after you talk about where you two see your relationship going. If she is over 18 then she no longer needs mom's permission to get birth control medication. Offer to accompany her to her doctor and wait for her while she sees the doctor and asks for birth control medication.

This does not mean you drag her into the bedroom as soon as the medication is effective. It means that she is protected when she is ready and you will also use a condom. Until then ask her is she will help you with your horniness by giving you a hand job. Then after a bit ask if she would allow you to finger her.

If need be at first keep your clothes on and only expose what needs to be exposed. Let her get comfortable with being naked with you. Take it step by step. At some point the two of you will be together naked but not having sex. You might have to advance to giving her oral sex before the big day comes. But if you take your time and teach her when the day comes it will be worth it.

Below is a website you both should look at together. It is mostly for her about first time sex and what she needs to know.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Good afternoon. I'm a 23 y/o female who lives with my mom and my grandparents. Just to give you some background, I have always lived here at home. My family did not want me to leave for college, and I respected those wishes. Now, it is my biggest and deepest regret. I really feel like if I would have left, they would not be such bullies. It has actually made me develop very negative feelings towards them. In college, I met a man and we started dating. He's only a year older than me and we have been dating for about three years. About 6 months into the relationship, my mom started to hate him because of something stupid. Basically, at the last minute, he advised me that a function we were going to was in the morning instead of at night. Since then, all I hear is her asking me when I'm going to break up with him. I have been dealing with this for two years already. Basically, I just let it slide and hoped that one day, it would just go away.

Throughout this past year, it has gotten worse. I just got my first full-time job, but they aren't paying me very much to start off. I'm still happy because it's more than I've ever made before. But... I can't move out with that salary. My family has decided that since I can't move out for financial reasons, they were going to build an efficiency in the back of the house for me to live and feel more private. With it's own kitchen, and bedroom, etc. That's all very nice. But, the catch is that I have to break up with the boyfriend. My mom has threatened to kick me out of the house and have me live on the streets if I don't break up with him. I entertained the idea for a while just because I wanted to have peace with my family. Now, I wonder if peace with them is worth it because they haven't exactly been that great to me. I've been a great daughter and honored their wishes for me to stay here. And now, they want to throw me to the streets just because of some guy? My mom has treated me horribly. At one point, while in college, she stole my identity to shop. I was in nearly $10,000 in debt, which I just finished paying off. And, I paid it off and didn't turn her in because I didn't want her to be behind bars.

As far as the boyfriend, I have seen some things that I don't like, which is completely unrelated to my mom. For instance, I am a woman of faith and he is not a man of faith. This could bring up issues in the future when raising our children. Whatever you believe, you want to find someone with those same values and morals. I want a big family. I grew up an only child and it was a very lonely. He wants a small family. He is obsessed with hard rock and metal. I hate it. He is extremely left-winged liberal, while I'm more on the conservative side. I believe in men treating a woman like a lady... whereas he believes that men and women aren't different at all and that a man shouldn't have to open doors, etc. We're just so different. He's been there for me through some difficult times. Severe conflict with my family. When my cousin passed away. In fact, that was when we started dating. My cousin and I were very close. We were best friends, confidantes! I really believe that grief clouded my judgement. There were tons of red flags in the beginning of the relationship that I should have picked up on. For one, we had to keep the relationship a secret for a few months, just because he didn't want drama from his friends. It was just stupid, especially at this age. We're not in middle school. After a lot of evaluating, I think that as much fun as we may have now, there really isn't much for us in the future. But, as I said, he has been there for me through some hard times. I don't hate him and I am so grateful that I had him in my life. But, I just don't see us moving forward as a couple. I really don't want to hurt him. I can imagine that when I tell him, he's gonna cry and that breaks my heart! I've been refraining from doing this just because I care about him and I don't want to hurt him. I think about what I'll miss the most...and it will be his hugs. I just feel like if we didn't have any physical affection, we would have nothing. We don't have enough in common and I for one, don't feel special as a woman when I'm around him.

Finally, regarding my family, I don't know what to do. Initially, I was doing this for me. Craving peace with us. Now, I still want peace. But, I need them to know that this isn't about them. I also need to reassure myself that this isn't about them. It just feels like I've wanted a good relationship with them for so long and I wanted peace while living here, in this house. And now, I'm asking myself if it's worth it. Just look at what they've done. I have to have some pride. Not, in the sense of never speaking to them again. Of course, I will forgive them. I just think that for as much as I want peace, my mom needs to know that identity theft is not okay and that threatening to throw me out on the streets is not okay just because you don't like someone over a time of a date.

Thank you for reading thus far. Please advice on!

Lets start with your family and your needs with them first.

You are 23 and adult and while honoring there wishes while living under their roof is honorable. They are going to far with their demands. It doesn't have to be your current boyfriend it could be something or anything else. They are using your living with them rent free as a way of controlling you which is wrong. Their offer of rent free housing should be with no strings or with a modest fee for rent but no strings attached as to your lifestyle or whom you date.

As to moving out it is understandable that you may not be able to afford your own place. Have you given any thought to living with a roommate and sharing the cost of an apartment. This may be a more affordable alternative for you.

Your local daily and weekly newspapers should have personal columns where people are seeking roommates. There are also sites on the web dedicated to finding roommates. Lastly there are some agencies that help in finding roommates though they charge a fee. For their fee they supposedly vet roommates for compatibility and help find apartments.

As for the boyfriend. If you're having second thoughts then maybe you should breakup but don't do so because your mom wants you too. Some of the things you speak about do not have to be deal breakers.

Such as the faith problem. You do not have to stop being a person of faith if you were to marry; nothing says your children could not be brought up in your faith. This is something you would need to discuss further before entering into marriage or the thought of marriage. My wife and I are of two different faiths. We decided we would raise our children to believe in god and know both faiths. Actually it was my mother in-law a very religious women who made that suggestion. When they were old enough they could chose the faith they wanted to follow. This is what we did and what they did.

You want a large family he wants a small family. Put that into numbers and see if you can find a happy meeting place. To me anything over two could be a large family. Maybe to him his small family is 3 or four. Don't assume find out what his number is then see if you can live with his number or not.

He being left wing you being a conservative does not have to be a deal breaker. Just look at the marriage of Bill Clinton's campaign manager and President Bush 41's campaign manager. You don't get more opposite than those two and they married right after President Clinton was elected. I would say it should make for some great discussion on those cold winters nights before elections. It does in our house.

I'm not telling you that you are wrong for what you are seeing, I don't know either of you so I can't say. What I am saying is you can evaluate any situation to whichever side you want it to be. I looked at your evaluation and took an opposite side it was easy to do. Don't just make a one sided evaluation. Talk to him about your concerns first then make up your mind if you two have a future together. This is what I see missing from what you have written, the discussion of these things between you.

Yesterday I was at my cousins' dads' house. I am 14 years old and she just turned 13 a week ago. She has a boyfriend in the 11th grade about to turn 16. When she told me about him in the car, I thought he was a bit of a creep for being with a girl about to go to eighth grade, but I hate it when people are biased, and I didn't want to offend my cousin so I decided to shut my mouth. When I walked in her boyfriend was there and he seemed like a decent guy. For the rest of the day I got settled and took a shower. I thought her boyfriend had left a while ago. I was wearing a towel because i had left my clothes in her room. I heard screaming so I opened her door and said what's wrong? I saw them having sex and it was gross. He said "oh I didn't know your cousin wanted a threesome." I screamed at him and called him a pervert and grabbed him by the arm as he got dressed. He ran out of the house and I went back to my cousins room and she was crying screaming at me saying that she hates me. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed in the bathroom. I was mad and sad because I knew that my cousin wasn't this type of person. She kicked me out of her room and made me sleep in the couch. I wanted to ask her if he was using a condom but she has been silent and hasn't talked to until she said, "I am not breaking up with him and you should feel like crap for walking in on us." And then she slammed the door. What should I do to get her to talk to me. I don't want to tell my uncle about it because she would hate me even more. I love her we are best friends but now she won't talk to me. I have apologized even though I honestly don't believe that what happened was my fault, I mean how else was I supposed to react? So what should I do, I want to talk to her please help.

Your first instincts about her boyfriend were correct. The main reason boys his age seek out girls her age is for what you saw when you walked in on them. They find it much easier to take advantage of a young girls naivety in matters of sex and dating then in girls their own age.

Chronologically 3 years is not a long time. Three years difference in maturity at this age is a very long time. At 13 she is still in middle school or entering as a freshman in high school way too young to be dating someone his age or dating at all.

I don't think you should go directly to your Uncle, as he may not want to believe you. What I do think you should do is go to your parents. Tell them what you walked in on and what happened afterwards. Tell them the whole story including the boys age and name if you know it. Let them decide if your Uncle should be told.

In this way your conscious is clear. Yes your cousin will probably hate you but she already does. Frankly it is better she hate you then end up a teenage mother or worse. It has been known for teenage mothers to do something stupid when they find out they are pregnant especially a very young teenage mother. Is it not better she hate you then attend her funeral.

This boy is also a sexual predator in the making. If he can't date girls his own age now what is going to happen when he is older. Will he continue to date underage girls? Better to report him now then 5 years from now when he hurts a young girl.

My advice therefore is to tell your parents. It is the right thing to do.

How to lose weight

Since you haven't given any details such as how tall you are, whether you are male or female and how much you weigh at this time. I am going to suggest you visit your doctor before you start any diet.

Anyone who is looking to lose any great amount of weight should have a physical before starting any diet. Then your dieting should be monitored by your doctor and only lose the weight your doctor recommends.

Which brings us to the second reason for seeing your doctor first. Not knowing anything about you I cannot advise as to whether or not you need to lose weight. Some young women always think they need to lose weight when they are already underweight. Fact is it is far more dangerous medically to be 10 pounds underweight than 10 pounds overweight.

When you are underweight and you diet you do not take in enough calories for the body to maintain itself. This is what your body fat is for as when the body needs more calories than what is taken in it goes to its reserves the body fat for what it needs. If the reserves are not there this is where the trouble and the medical problems begin as the body will start to shut down those systems it feel it doesn't need.

The bodies priority is to keep the brain alive. It will do so by shutting down different systems until there is nothing left to shut down. Then you die. This is what eventually kills people suffering with anorexia.

So first make sure you need to lose weight. It may be you just need to tone up certain areas of your body which is much different than what you need to do to lose weight.

Hi, I'm Cathy, 14 from Texas.
I have had my period for a year and it's not regular at all. I've missed around 6.

I need help about tampons, and I have not tried them yet.
I tried to put one in and it burned like something else, and it really hurt after.

Please help, what do I do about the tampons,
Cathy

Hi Cathy,

The best two people to discuss this question with are not on this site. They are a gynecologist or your mom.

Under a Federal Law called HIPPA as you are know the age of 14 you have been granted personal medical confidentiality for anything concerning you reproductive system. This includes questions you might be too embarrassed to go to your mother with.

Under this law you may make appoints to see a gynecologist or any other doctor for anything related to your reproductive system which would also include your breasts. You can do so with or without parental knowledge and be seen and treated by the doctor with or without parental knowledge. All visits are totally confidential and no one, not even you parents can be told about your visit without your written consent to the doctor.

Your visits will be covered under you parents health insurance as any other visits you would make to a doctor under their insurance. Of course you would need to have any co-pay your coverage requires. The fact that their insurance is paying for the visit(s) has no effect on their ability to see the records of these visits. I could pay for your visit and could not see your records.

A gynecologist would be happy to answer your questions and any others you have. The doctor would also help you with the problem you are having with Tampons and help you choses the proper one for you and help you with how to properly insert it.

Now I would be remiss if I didn't go to the other side of the spectrum, your mom. She is the other person best equipped to help you with these questions. She can also decide if the missed periods are normal or if you need to see a gynecologist. For a young woman first starting her period missing some can be quite normal. Some young women have gone a whole year between periods. It is really up to how puberty releases the hormones into your body.

Your period and what is the proper type of sanitary product for you to use at this time is not sex. Your period is a bodily function that will be with you for the next 40 years or more. Your mom has gone through this when she was your age. Yes she knows you’re embarrassed and rather than go to you she is waiting for you to come to her. All moms with daughters are waiting to answer these questions.

IF mom has had "THE TALK" with you, then she is hoping you listened and will come to her with any problem. She wants you to be comfortable with your period and to be properly protected so that you are not embarrassed when you are not home.

My advice is to go to mom and tell her you need to have another talk with her in private. She will understand and make time for you her to talk privately. This is a bodily function just like any other. If you were constipated you would go to mom for help. Just because this particular function plays apart in reproduction does not make it sexual. So you can discuss this with mom or see a doctor. Talking to mom is free a doctor will cost you the cost of the co-payment or you will need to find a free clinic.

Okay, I am a 15 year old girl, I am somewhere around 5ft 6" tall and I weigh 120-130 pounds.

When I was in my mothers womb, I was very active, and ended up making a huge knot in my umbilical cord and wasn't getting enough nourishment.
And when I was born(by C-section) the umbilical cord was rapped around my neck and I was choking myself on it and almost died.

Because of this(My mom also told me that I have a low fat cell count), I have always been skinny. When I was younger, people would come up to my Mother asking if I ate enough. I was wearing clothes for years before I out grew them. My mom would let me eat milk shakes for breakfast everyday to try and get me to gain weight. (I also had bad stomach aches a few times a day from the ages of around 8 or 9 until a few years ago, we still don't know what caused them.)

But other than this, I was like any other normal child. I was extremely active(I mean, I would run laps for fun active, now I'm lazy...), liked to play outside, and though I was a picky eater, I ate normally too.

As I got older I remained thin, but in middle school I started eating a lot more(I mean, A LOT of food. I'd eat more than my older sister and her friend combined)and gained some weight, but I am still thin.

Recently(I will be a Junior after summer), I got a spacer in my mouth so I take longer to eat, and I also haven't been able to eat as much. But I do eat more than enough to be healthy(three meals a day and snacks in between, most high calorie junk food). I'll occasionally skip meals, but unintentionally because I'm not home much and I forget because I snack a lot.

I care little to nothing about my weight and do not think I'm fat, I don't look at calories and even eat junk food most of the time. As stated above.

But for the last few weeks, my friend who's been with me almost constantly has been calling me anorexic. And not just as a joke, or something like that. She actually thinks I am. She tells me almost everyday. It's really starting to bug me.

I've explained to her I'm not, but she says that I don't eat enough and I'm too thin. When I'm actually bigger than I used to be. I know I eat enough(most days at least) and I love food...

I don't know, basically what I'm asking is, how can I get my friend to stop thinking I'm anorexic? And can having a low fat cell count be the cause of me being so skinny? And any other comments you can give would be great.

Thank you

To start with we are not doctors so anything we say is not definitive just well-intentioned advice.

You are 15 5'6 and weigh between 120 & 130 pounds. According to the height and weight chart I use this puts you well within the weight parameters for a small framed girl and at the very low end of the scale for a medium framed girl. These are the figures that count, the ones your doctor use to determine if you are within your proper weight. There are some other methods but a height and weight scale to frame size is the most popular.

Frankly there are only two people you need to be concerned about when it comes to your weight; your doctor and your parents. If your doctor is not concerned about your weight then anything anyone else says is either jealousy or just plain meanness. Once you have told them your doctor is satisfied with your weight and you are healthy if they continue to say something about your weight go with meanness.

If your parents are concerned about your weight or you’re eating habits they will first consult your doctor. As long as the doctor is satisfied with your weight the only thing I can see is maybe mom being a little upset with your eating habits; such as missing meals.

I don't know your frame size so I am going to suggest you try to stay at the higher side of the weight range you gave; as it is better to be 10 pounds overweight then 10 pounds underweight. You should be able to do this by eating 3 good meals a day and whatever between meal snacks you have been eating.

If you can do this and maintain the higher weight; Pay no attention to what the kids may say to you. IF they become annoying take a page out of an old TV show called "Welcome Back Kotter." Tell them "Up your nose with a rubber hose." If they don't know the show they won't know the reference and they will not understand and this will drive them nuts.

Hello. I'm 20 and my bf is 22. We have been dating for a year now and some months. We are deeply in love and he's the best thing that's has ever happened to me. I love him will my all and he's also my best friend. We are very opened with each other's and he's the one I run to when something is bothering me or when I have a problem. He is so loving and supporting and caring. How do I show him that I truly appreciate him or what can I tell him to let him know that I appreciate and thankful that's he's part of my life? Any advise would really help.

Thank you so much in advance

When two people are truly in love; to me it is not so much what you do but how you do it that shows how much you love someone. I'm not really sure how to go about clarifying what I just said as it mostly intrinsic rather than materialistic.

I guess what I'm saying is it is easy enough to go out and buy a trinket, even expensive trinkets or tokens of affection. The better way of showing your love is through personal affection which does not mean grabbing him and hauling him into the bedroom. That is sex which is another form of love.

IT's the little things like being a listener when he needs one, mending a sock, cooking him dinner not having to be taken out on the town on each date. Just wanting to be in his company and not having to be a high maintenance girlfriend.

This to me is what is important in a relationship. Is the guy only looking for a buggy ride, sex. Is the girl only looking for a good time on the town. This to me is not the making for a good relationship. Yes sex does play a part in a good relationship but should not be the center of the relationship. Going out and having a good time is also part of a good relationship but so should sitting home and snuggling on the couch with a good movie and a gallon of ice cream.

This may sound old fashion though in the end this is what most relationships turn into when they become long term or lifelong relationships. You stay home most evenings on weekends you have friends over or go to friends home.

I think what I am trying to say is show him you want to make a life with him if this is what you want. Doing so does not mean gift buying. IT means doing things to show him how you feel about him. Remember the value of the gift is in the giving not in the cost of the gift. If he does not understand this then he may not be the right guy.

today i gave my bf handjob..his penis was completely dry. cause he had washed his penis just few mins before.. i gave him a handjob at around 12:20pm then we were just roaming for another two hours..he had fingered me at around 10am.. i reached home at around 3:45pm or 3:50pm.. i was touching my vagina cause my hymen broke cause of his fingering, i guess cause there was little blood.. i forgot that the hand that i used to touch my vagina was the same hand that i used to give him a handjob. but the outer vagina was dry when i touched it.. please help me. im worried

This is the answer I gave you yesterday. It doesn't matter how many times you ask the question. The answer doesn't change.

Your not pregnant. Hopefully at some point during the day you washed your hands which would have washed away any semen. Even if you didn't after almost 4 hours the semen would have dried up and not been viable to swim if they did get into your vagina.

Next time you give your boyfriend a hand job make sure to wash your hand with lots of hot water and soap as soon as possible afterwards.

If you are this worried take a home pregnancy test, but you will be wasting your money as you cannot be pregnant.

So my family - my mom, brother, and my friend all live in a one bedroom apartment. We've lived like this for 3 years this month. But my brother has recently told us that he wants to live by himself. Either he keeps the apartment and we move out or he will move out and we keep the apartment. So me and my friend were thinking about getting a place together. But my mom wants to move with us too. But I really dont want her to. I really dont want to live with my friend either, I just want my own space but someone to go half with on bills would be nice. But my mom would have nowhere else to go. She got fired from her a job a couple of months ago and she has bad knees and hips. She also has a drug habit. So shes trying to get disability. And my friend has a job but she also doesnt pay her bills on time. For the last 4 months she's given my brother like 200 total for rent. She makes enough to pay him. But she spends it on food (eating out) and buying she really doesn't need. They both dont like to clean. I also dont want extra baggage I just idk I feel like its mean but I also feel like I should give them a chance. I also dont want my mom to get comfortable because I dont want live her forever. Any suggestions???

If your mothers drug habit is known to her doctors they are required to report that as part of her medical history to Social Security. Being a drug addicted person, even if it is to prescription drugs, Social Security will not approver her for disability.

Keeping her with you will be an enabling event one which is not in her best interest. Instead you and your brother should inform her that her only option is rehab or find someone else to care for her and take her in. This is called tough love but it may just save her life.

As for you and finding your own place. I understand the desire to have someone to share the bills with. This doesn't mean you have to do so with your friend. There are any number of different ways to find roommates. The local and daily newspapers in the personal sections have listings for roommates wanted. Many of which already have an apartment you can move into. Then there is the Internet and different sites that are available to finding a roommate.

Some real estate companies offer to assist in finding roommates as well. This service is a fee for service option. What is good about the service is they have vetted the roommates for compatibility so there is less chance of moving in with someone you won't get along with; such as someone who is a night owl to your being a day person example.

18/Female

I am from Puerto Rico. Currently in the process of getting an apartment and getting ready for college life. Except... I don't feel ready for it at all. I feel like I'm walking into a dark room with explosives planted all over and I'm bound to trip over one of them. Everyone I know seem so confident and are far much more ready than I am. This isn't my only problem. I'm scared. I'm scared of this new life that's coming ahead. I am going to an university that's about like two hours away from my home and that's without traffic. Sure, I'll be living with my best friend since seventh grade, but she has her whole future written out for her. She's already got an awesome summer job that is going to leave a lot of money for her and halfway through she's going to the US. She'll be much more busy and I feel that living together will somehow stretch us farther apart instead of closer because of how high up she is. She has had universities fight for her - I'm barely average intelligence.

I don't know if what I'm going for us what I truly want or if I'm cut out for it. I got in through Geology, meaning that I'm going for a Geology major but am planning to take a minor in Atmospheric Sciences so I can Master in this instead of Geology. However... my real passions lay within art. The last few months in high school left me yearning for things that aren't science. I was in charge of making scenography for a play to get funds for the graduation - it was a stress but I loved it! It felt so nice at the end... knowing that I had done that. I love theatre - singing, dancing, acting, especially dancing. I've always been camera shy so I never showed what I had, ever, and now I lament never doing so.

I don't know what to do. I feel lost here. Everybody is too busy to listen to me and what I'm feeling - my mom gets angry when I mutter so all she does is yell and that just makes me cry, which makes me feel worse. I see so many of my friends hanging out with boys and many of them in happy relationships while I'm just a loner who's too shy to approach guys and no guy has ever told me he likes me... I feel like I'm pretty much breaking. I've kept so many things inside that I don't think straight anymore, I lay around all day doing nothing while I know that I should get up and do stuff - anything! I just... I guess that basically what I'm saying is that I suffer from extreme low self esteem but always try to hide it, or at least most of it. I've already gotten advice but every advice I get seems so plain, empty and repetitive: "Everything will get better." "Smile." "Do what you want to do!" "Follow your heart." I'm not saying I don't appreciate it... but I want something else.

I just want somebody that will listen to me for real and understand me. Any advice to any of the stuff I just rambled?

Do you like Geology and Atmospheric Science? If not why did you sign up for these classes. If these courses of studies are being thrust upon you by outside influences then how you feel about yourself is not going to get any better.

You wrote that you came to love Art. If Art is or has become a passion the I would think it would be you major cause of study. If art has truly become a passion then this is the course of study for you. By taking classes in subjects YOU want to study some of the other problems will go away as well.

You speak about being a loner and being shy. When you take classes you truly have a passion for you will join the study groups that form. In these study groups you have a common base of interest and discussion. Friendships good friendships are formed when there are common bases by which to form them on. Having a common interest, one you are interested in and knowledgeable about will overcome your shyness and allow you to speak within this group. By speaking within this group people will get to know the real you.

There will be boys in these classes and I assure you one of these boys is going to become infatuated by your interests as it mirrors his own. He will start by asking you if you want to go for coffee after group study to continue your conversation. From there it grows into a date and the next thing you know you are in a relationship.

This may not happen if the course of study you are taking is not one you are truly passionate about. You will join study groups because you will need to in order to get through the class but you will not have the passion to show them they real you.

To bring this full circle. If Art is something you really believe you want to do with your life then do so. You are 18 legally an adult and can make your own choices if you chose to do so. As the saying goes money can't buy happiness. So do not let earnings potential decide you college course.

I'm a part-timer/intern at a small company. Sometimes they send me out to the field to help our field tech out, but he has a really smoking habit and chain smokes. I'm not a smoker and we work in close proximity to each other outside. I asked him the first time to please not smoke around me, but he kept doing it. So, the second time I told him to not smoke around me. He said that we are outside in an open space, so I told him that yes we are but we work in close proximity to each other, sometimes the wind blows and sometimes it doesn't, but when it doesn't it will linger. I absolutely can not breathe when he smokes around me and I can't think or even listen to him talk to me, especially when he's telling me some important things. I really don't want to have to talk to my supervisor about that but it doesn't seem like he's respect my choice of being in a smoke free environment. I also don't want to have to bring my school into this because they said that if I'm not comfortable working with anyone then I can tell them. What should I do?

You are somewhat between a rock and a hard place. You are not a company employee and he is. You are an intern and if they send you into the field with him then I would say he is a trusted employee who they feel can teach you something.

Before you can complain about his smoking you would need to check the employers handbook relating to their smoking policy. They may have a policy for the office but not one that covers what happens in the field or if another employee objects to a coworkers smoking. If there is such a policy then you can go to the human resources department and file a complaint.

If not you can still go to human resources and file a complaint. My feeling is the most they could do without a policy to back them up is to ask him to not smoke around you. Though I don't see him being obligated to comply.

This leaves you with the only viable option of going to your school. Just what their recourse or resources are to help you in this situation I'm not sure. They could talk to management at the company they deal with in placing students with them and ask them to reassign you to a non-smoking partner. They could remove you from the company and place you with another company with a non-smoking policy.

Looking back over what I have written I believe your best choice and least confrontational choice for you is to go to your school advisor for this internship and let the school handle it.

I recently learned that one of my older friends is going into the army later this year... does this mean he will be going into war? should i worry?

The answer to your question can be both yes and no depending on the state of world affairs and the governments foreign policy towards certain countries or warring factions.

The President of the USA is the Commander in Chief of the countries military forces. The president is the only one who can commit into a conflict or war. The U.S. military is an all volunteer force who have signed a contract that allows the President to send them wherever the President wherever their skill is needed. Every member of the military is trained to use a weapon though not all members are sent to a battle front.

For example I was in the Air Force and fixed the big bombers, the B52's and the KC135 air refueling tankers. They were not stationed and generally are not stationed directly in the battle area so I remained behind the lines, or in my case out of the country where the fighting was. My neighbor, back home, was a cryptologist in the Army and while he was in the war zone he was stationed in Saigon which during the Vietnam war was considered a relatively safe area. Another neighbor of ours was a heavy weapons specialist, a foot soldier and he was in the battle area at a frontline position.

Will he go to war depends on many differing factors starting with Commander and Chief of the Armed Forces and what the needs are for the Armed Force to be sent. Then what your friends specialty training is in and if it is needed in that deployment.

Should you worry; that too is a yes and no answer. Anyone who volunteers for the military can be sent into harm's way. Just remember our military is the best trained and best equipped military on the planet. Those who are serving in the military are just a likely to be harmed outside a war zone as in, in the same way as any of us who are not in the military.

I would say a certain amount of concern for his safety may be in order but I would not be overly worried.

how do we have sex

If you need to ask this question you are probably too young to be having sex in the first place. Sex is not something you do just to keep up with what the other kids say they're doing. For 99% of them are not doing actual intercourse sex.

Sex is something that happens between two loving ADULTS not two young teens or pre-teens who want to feel grown up or prove their love for the other. Sex is not how you prove your love for someone; it is the result of a loving relationship.

I am a teen. I have never had sex or anything, but I haven't had my period since probably March or April. There were these 2 incidents where a guy was walking past me, and his front touched my behind. We both had pants on and it was on accident, but I'm just scared that I could possibly be pregnant.

What are they teaching in sex education today. You cannot get pregnant by someone touching your behind. If you could every woman In Italy would be pregnant as Italian men are known for pinching women's bottoms.

Depending on how old you are it could be quite normal for you to miss a period or two. Some girls get their periods for a while then they stop for as long as year. It all depends on how puberty discharges the hormones into your body.

That is not to say this is not something to be concerned about, it is. When a bodily function suddenly stops working you need to have it checked by a doctor. Your period is now part of your bodily function and will be so until your late 40's or 50's. As a bodily function it is not something to be embarrassed about talking to your mom about. Remember she shares the very same bodily functions as you do and has gone through puberty as a girl which you are now doing.

Your period is not sex. IF you had a cold or sore throat you would go to mom. Well this is the same thing. Mom will know if you need to go to the doctor. Start by saying mom, I'm still a virgin but I haven't had a period in 2 or 3 months.

plz answer hiw ny sister start loving mi so much what should i do pl asn

If English is your first language then please rewrite your question without texting shorthand. Also please give more depth to your questions as to what do you mean by loving you so much? Your question makes no sense as it is. Also watch your spelling. Use a spell checker.

today i gave my bf handjob..his penis was completely dry. cause he had washed his penis just few mins before.. i gave him a handjob at around 12:20pm then we were just roaming for another two hours..he had fingered me at around 10am.. i reached home at around 3:45pm or 3:50pm.. i was touching my vagina cause my hymen broke cause of his fingering, i guess cause there was little blood.. i forgot that the hand that i used to touch my vagina was the same hand that i used to give him a handjob. but the outer vagina was dry when i touched it.. is there a chance of me being pregnant? and in between we went to macd n pizza hut so while holding the cold drinks and all my hand got wet also.. please help me. im worried

Your not pregnant. Hopefully at some point during the day you washed your hands which would have washed away any semen. Even if you didn't after almost 4 hours the semen would have dried up and not been viable to swim if they did get into your vagina.

Next time you give your boyfriend a hand job make sure to wash your hand with lots of hot water and soap as soon as possible afterwards.

Why do i have a small pain in my tummy befor sex or when i get horny .my wilfe is 47 I am 61 i am a man my wife a good woman .how can i explain my discomfort to her.I am Canadian (English ) she is Mexican

We are not doctors so we can't make a diagnose. I would suggest you discuss this with your doctor. I would think it is nothing more than probably performance anxiety given the 14 years difference in age. The fact that your English and she is Mexican should not be a problem. She married you because she loves you and you her.

Given the age difference if I'm correct in what I'm thinking as performance anxiety being the problem don't be embarrassed about it. I believe it would be natural and something your doctor can help you with if you would discuss it with him. Don't be embarrassed to discuss it with you doctor. As a doctor he has heard this problem and others many times.

I have been living in an apartment for 3 years with no issues. The apartments were located in a transitional neighborhood and have been owned by three different companies since Ive lived there. This is the first time Ive ever rented a property and, as unbelievable as this may sound, I was incredibly naive to many things. I resigned my lease for one more year but I have two big dogs and apartment living has become way too hard with my busy schedule. Me & a friend have decided to rent a house together. I have found a person to sublease my apartment and my previous apartment manager seemed okay with this. However, I have a new land lord and things have gotten out of hand. Long story short, she's very "by the book" which is the different than the previous owners who were okay with late pays, etc. I was never very late on rent, it was due by the 4th of each month.. sometimes I'd forget and pay by the 5th. Anyways, the rental property sent over a verification of rental history paper and she said that I had 6 late pays and 1 insufficient funds check (big misunderstanding that I later cleared up). I tried to reason with her but she seems pretty set on reporting these incidents every time they request information. Ive been declined from 2 properties. I have the option to lie and use a friend who works for an apartment agency. What should I do?

Read your rental agreement. Every lease I have ever signed has a grace period of 10 days before a payment is considered late and a late payment penalty is required. If she has charged you a late fee for being one day late and your lease has such a clause as I believe it does. She is in violation of your lease and the truth in lending laws of most states. Since she is also reporting this to future rental properties she is slandering you as well.

In fact if the last lease you signed has this cause as I believe it does. I would not even bother talking to her. I would go directly to an attorney as you have an actionable case at Bar as it is called. You should take her to court for any late payments she demanded plus interest as well as slander and defamation of character by reporting you improperly to prospective rental property owners.

Just because the building has new owners does not change the terms of the lease you signed. That lease is as binding on them as the new owners as it is on you. Leases are a bi-lateral agreement that cannot be changed unilaterally by new ownership. The new owners may want you to believe they can. Under contract law in any state they cannot unilaterally change a contract you must agree to the terms and of any change and you cannot be threatened to accept the changes. The owners expect you to be naïve or not being able to afford lawyers to do your battles.

In most cases you do not need a lawyer you just file claims in landlord tenants court which is like small claims court. There are legal aid lawyers available to assist you. In this instance I suggest you consult an attorney. First consultations are generally free. Then see id the attorney is willing to take the case on contingency, which they get paid out of a portion of the proceeds of what they win or they may let you pay by installment.

I do not know what part of the country you live in. I have signed leases in many different parts of this country and they all have had that clause I spoke of in it. If yours does and she has demanded late fees and she is reporting you late she has harmed you illegally. Take her to court.

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