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The Temptation to cheat
I'm Male, 19 years old. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 16 months. We're both virgins. Lately, since I started working, I've had the temptation to just go out and cheat. I'm always super horny and fantasizing about doing stuff with other girls. I love my girlfriend and I feel super guilty for wanting to cheat. We never really do anything besides kiss. I don't want to pressure her into doing anything she doesn't want, and I don't pressure her. But she'll do stuff that hints that she wants to do something, then doesn't do it. Like sometimes we'll be sitting and she'll grab me and/or stroke me for a few seconds then stop. Sometimes she'll put my hand on her crotch so I could rub, but we never go any further. I work at a busy place in nyc, so I'm always seeing and meeting nice attractive girls. I always fantasize on my train commute too. Like everyday. Sometimes I even wonder about calling an escort, but I don't want to mess up.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you really love her... You'll show her. Making love is a natural part of being in a relationship where emotions run high. If you caress and cater to her I'm sure she would love to do the same for you. Crack out the spice rack and try out new things with your relationship. Remember, if you two really do love and care for each other--you'll spend the time at making your relationship work. Cheating is not the way to go. Karma will just gnaw at you so show her the true gentleman that you are. Good Luck!
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Dear young man, it is the nature of the beast...you being a male, man, that you would want to have sex with a multitude of women...it is natural..so please do not feel guilty as some would want you to feel...and saying that, I would say this to you...PLEASE use the services of a escort...they know how NOT TO GET PREGNANT, you don't want to be paying child support for some random girl you met, or your girlfriend who is not your wife right???? please think with your head and not your penis...my advice/suggestion is Rub one out everyday, or as many times as you feel necessary...or pay a pro, do not, I say, DO NOT, put your penis in a woman who can become pregnant, if you don't want to pay child support "COURT ORDERED" for the next 20 years...and be a big boy when your girlfriend strokes you off...go no further, unless you want to have a bun in the oven, and the realities of life come thundering down on your little pin head, lol YOUR young!! you don't want to be saddled with a BABY, you will come to hate this girlfriend, or any other girl you knock up...SEX IS FOR RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE, meaning wear a f condom, and remember, rug one out or as NEEDED, and use the services of a professional. tootles
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If you're unhappy with your sex life with your girlfriend, talk to her instead of cheating. If you respect her, you won't cheat on her. You should end things with her if you really can't control your fantasies and if you really love your girlfriend, you wouldn't disrespect her by cheating, just tell her you want to do more and see what she's willing to do, just don't take advantage of her and the things she'll do just to dump her because she won't sleep with you.
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well the simple answer is no. you should still not cheat. chances are though if shes hinting in the ways your talking about like that, then she probably wants to start and then wants YOU to take over and go in for the kill. how do you know she doesnt want do something if you dont try??
In my experience ANY woman who initiates sex like that WANTS it and just doesnt want to say it because they want you to be the man and take over.
Dont cheat please. youll only hurt her and then regret it later. if it doesnt work out then just break up with her. its not worth all the hurt this will cause.
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Okay, have you can your girlfriend actually talk about moving forward? If not you should do so, make it clear you won't push her to go further. Just make sure you don't come off too desperate or persistent. I will be up to do somethings with my boyfriend, and then one day he'll be a little to insistent, thus making me not do anything. Just talk to her about in a calm and polite way. Communication is key. Now for the "Fantasizing yourself cheating" part, there are two options/theories.
1) You are just horny, because you haven't gone very far with your girlfriend, you're fantasizing about completing those certain acts.
2) There might be an actual problem out of being just horny, so if so i would contact a psychologist for a professional opinion.
I hope this helped you somewhat. I wish you a lot of luck! JUST TALK TO HER!
- Hardcore-Band-Geek
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Your girlfriend sounds nervous about taking the relationship to the next level, which is perfectly normal since she is inexperienced. It's good that you respect her space. It's also normal for you to be horny because of your biological needs but it would be wrong to cheat on her.
If you want to sleep around with girls, then I suggest you talk to her about it and if she's not willing to get physical with you, it would be best to break up. If you are willing to commit to her and care for her despite not getting physical, then stay with her and respect what she wants. Relationships aren't always about the physical stuff - there are still other things to do as a couple.
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At first I wasn't going to answer this question. Then I read the first two answers. misspiggy's advice is very good, the advice from NicklausLife is far from what you should do and will not get you what you want from your girlfriend.
Assuming you are both over 18 that makes you both adults entitled to everything adults are entitled to, including a sex life. It gets a little complicated from here especially if you are both living at home even if both are working as your parents still see you as children, dependent on them for most of your needs. As such they still treat you as children. While this is a different problem it plays a part in her life as to when and to whom to give up her virginity to.
For a male the lose or losing of his virginity does not have the same meaning it has for a female of any age. Most guys will willing have sex anytime anywhere it is offered to him, even a virgin.
For a girl she needs certain things before she will attempt to have sex.
First: A girl needs to feel comfortable and this has two definitions. Comfortable in her surroundings as not to be observed or disturbed. Comfortable in where you are having sex such as a bed and not the back seat of a car. At one time the back seat of the old mans Chevy is where most of your grandparent lost their virginities. Back then the back seats were as big as couches not today
Second: She has to feel loved. While a guy can get erect through visual stimulation a girl needs to feel loved. Now part of feeling loved is the foreplay before sex but you won't get there if she feels all you feel for her is lust.
Third: Takes us back to the start. For the guy losing his virginity is no big deal, for the girl it is. It may be old fashion to say this but girls still want to believe that the first guy to have sex with her values what she is giving to him and again he is not just lusting for her.
Most importantly though you are not the one who can get pregnant she is. This is the biggest roadblock to sex with any women.
Now if you really love this women and not just lusting for her. If you feel this is the women you could make a life with. Then start by having a discussion with her on where you see your relationship going. Yes at some point that relationship would include sex.
First you talk about sex and pregnancy, after you talk about where you two see your relationship going. If she is over 18 then she no longer needs mom's permission to get birth control medication. Offer to accompany her to her doctor and wait for her while she sees the doctor and asks for birth control medication.
This does not mean you drag her into the bedroom as soon as the medication is effective. It means that she is protected when she is ready and you will also use a condom. Until then ask her is she will help you with your horniness by giving you a hand job. Then after a bit ask if she would allow you to finger her.
If need be at first keep your clothes on and only expose what needs to be exposed. Let her get comfortable with being naked with you. Take it step by step. At some point the two of you will be together naked but not having sex. You might have to advance to giving her oral sex before the big day comes. But if you take your time and teach her when the day comes it will be worth it.
Below is a website you both should look at together. It is mostly for her about first time sex and what she needs to know.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
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I suggest don't cheat because it would break the trust which will break the relationship.And you are a strong couple so don't get little fantasies get in the way of your relationship.
(=)
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Start learning Female Psychology .. I reccomend David Deida the Way of the supperior man.
After that try to talk to her about going out together and meeting with other women.Become good at making girl on girl scenarious.She just wants someone to have fun with and wants you to share the experience with her.SO begin and in time you will have a GF that does threesomes with you.After that bye bye daydreaming hello reality.
IF she does not like doing that you should find a girl who does we only live once so why not DO IT.
For further questions write me to : email:ni3koto@abv.bg
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Don't cheat. If you decide you want to have sex with another woman more than you want to be with your girlfriend then show her some respect by breaking up with her first.
Don't turn this into an ultimatum however, because as you say you shouldn't pressure your girlfriend into doing anything she doesn't want to do. This is a decision you'll need to make independently.
See an escort if you want but again only do this AFTER you have broken up with your girlfriend.
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What you're going through now is completely normal. You are a young guy, living in NYC- I used to live there too. NYC is full of beautiful women and it's an extremely fast paced city, so the idea of wanting to experiment with other people is not at all far fetched. Add to that your age and the fact that you are a virgin. Sex is a very normal thing to want at your age (or any age, for that matter, but especially at your age). Committing to one person at age 19 is not an easy thing for a guy to do, but you have been with your girlfriend for over a year. To me, being in a committed relationship means that you do not cheat on your partner, period. Fantasizing about other people is natural, however acting on that fantasy is never a good idea. You mention that you "don't want to mess up," which to me, indicates that you are committed to the relationship.
My thought is that you are frustrated with being a virgin and/or not going further sexually, and are probably more ready to have sex than your girlfriend may be. This would explain why you fantasize about sex or calling an escort. What you want is sex, and that's totally okay. It would not be okay to cheat. It would be one thing to not be committed to the relationship, grow apart, lose interest, etc., then break up and find someone else, and something else entirely to actually go through with cheating. If you do, you will feel like shit and you'll end up breaking your girlfriend's heart. So the best thing you can do is tell your girlfriend that you care about her very much, and feel like you may both be at a point where it's safe-physically and emotionally- to take things further sexually. Now this is the harder part: listen to her. Make sure you hear her out, and make sure that if she agrees to have sex sometime soon, it's on her terms. I assume you're around the same age-- if she is not yet 18 (legal age), then definitely wait until she is. If you do get to that point soon, then of course, go slow, be patient with her, and be understanding; losing your virginity will be a milestone for both of you. Use a condom and/or birth control (or both) correctly every time. And finally, don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. I wouldn't share all your fantasies of other women with your girlfriend because she might feel hurt or offended, but a good way to to express your feelings is to let her know that you are ready to take things to the next level with her, because you care about her too. Best of luck!
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Why don't you just tell her that you want to go further? It's not nice to pressure people, but telling her what you want is not the same thing as pressuring her. If you have been dating for sixteen months, it is understandable that you are ready to progress sexually. If she says she doesn't want to go further, ask her why and try to understand and then go from there. If it's just that she is a virgin, try to take small steps. Start with handjobs and fingering. Then, when she gets comfortable with that, start ejaculating on various parts of her body. Then ask for a blowjob....if you take it slow and do baby steps (progressing to the next step every couple of months), it will be less scary for her.
As a side note, watching less porn might help you to stop fantasizing so much (assuming you watch porn). Try masturbating to thoughts of her rather than to images on a screen. Porn is likely to leave you feeling unsatisfied.
Oh yeah, and don't call an escort. Those people have some crazy STDs.
Toodles,
Miss Piggy
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Tell your girlfriend that you would really appreciate it if she would stop teasing you.
And please remember that having sex with your girlfriend for the first time is a lot more self-satisfying than losing your virginity to an escort or having a cheap affair which will just leave you feeling guilty or bite you back later.
Even though this might be easier said than done, tell her that you aren't satisfied with your sex life.
oh and do not cheat. my stupid brother cheated on his wife and he got thrown off the balcony. haha, I know, a little extreme. the point is... things will (obviously) not end well for you if you cheat.
Make up your mind: do you want love? sex? or sex and love? with another girl.
Good relationships have good sex lives. If you are not satisfied with your relationship- I don't have to tell you what to do.
This answer is a little bit different from the advice I would usually give. I would normally say that you have already been with her for 16 months and should not break up with her or cheat and ruin a good relationship. But you shouldn't feel tied down and restricted to one girl. You're too young for that... Maybe this isn't what you want to hear, because I know you love her- but there are plenty of fish in the sea.
-talldivaofbeverlyhillz ^-^
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Maybe you should tell your girlfriend about this if you know she really understands you. She'll be able to find proper solution.
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If your girlfriend is at least 18, then you are both adults and there is no reason why you both can't have sex if the two of you are sexually attracted to each other. Girls get just as horny as guys do. So when one doesn't have a partner, girls do the same as guys, they masturbate.
If both of you are virgins and wanting to experience sex for the first time, first times are not as spectacular as one may think because after all, we're just starting, we don't have any experience yet in how to please our partner. Plus every new partner is another learning experience because each person is unique and different. It doesnt take any practice or studying to put a dick in a vagina. Heck as toddlers we had toys with shapes like squares, triangles and circles. It was quite easy to see that a circle didn't fit into a square hole.
So if you were to begin a practice of running off to find some one night stands, all that would be accomplished is you getting your release because if you have a new partner each time like with an escort or someone you pay for sex, theres a good chance the female isn't getting her needs met...cus it takes a lot more than just having a dick inside a female to get one off because as I said, we are all unique but all women need lots of specialized foreplay to be ready. Were you aware thats its healthier for a female to have several orgasms already before you enter her so that the urethra to bladder has clamped shut from orgasm and any germs that could be forced up the urethra to cause bladder infections with the motion of the man inside her, can be prevented.
If you love your girlfriend, then the best thing you can do for your relationship is learn how to have real meaningful conversation. Dont ask, can we have sex tonight but ask her if she gets horny alot and ask what she's been doing to take care of it. Ask her if she feels ready to start exploring sexually and if you are the person she wants to do that with. Ask her if she'd like to read some books together with you or check out some videos on line you tube, to study up on the physiology of each others sexual parts, what happens and how a female is brought to orgasm, clitoral, g-spot or A spot. If she doesn't understand what her body is capable of or what to expect, she may never have a g-spot orgasm. I know, this is sounding too overwhelming. It doesn't all have to happen the first time but thats why it is important that you have just the one partner and it be someone you have feelings of love for, not someone you are using to release sexual tension. Having a partner is a much better and satisfying experience if you have the right person. Fantasizing is okay but the two of you need to talk. If you are waiting for her to make the first move, guess what, she already has by placing your hand on her crotch. As to how far she's willing to go, if she wants you to touch her without panties on, finger the clit or try to find her g spot, etc...that all needs to be discussed. She may not have gone to get any birth control yet because the two of you havent decided together to become sexually active. So she doesnt see the need yet. But you both need to discuss that too. She can go to Planned parenthood and get put on the pill but you both need to know some things about the pill, how its taken, when it is effect, and what things might make it less effective like being on anti biotics.
You'll need to wear a condom to protect against STD's even if the two of you haven't been sexually active before. So talk about the subject and decide what you both are comfortable with and then get prepared ahead of time with the birth control thing.
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